Not Dreaming
A/N: I know practically nothing about College in USA, so if anything in the coming chapters is wrong I apologize in advance. And if this doesn't make sense it's because it's late and I'm sick.
Thanks to everyone that has reviewed so far. And for you who ask for updates: They come when they come.
Chapter 4. February Changes
They were sprawled on the couch in her dorm room, watching something on TV. The movie they had originally watched had ended twenty minutes ago and neither of them had been able to muster up enough energy to change the channel. Neither of them seemed to mind though. He was half between sitting and lying with his legs stretched out in front of him. And she was lying down and had her legs slung over his. Both looked really comfortable.
They continued to watch the TV in silence, not really paying attention to it. He was steeling glances down at her from time to time and smiled to himself as he saw her beginning to drift off to sleep. A while later he shut off the TV and sat in the dark for a while thinking of the great night they'd had.
Earlier that evening he hadn't felt that great. He had been sitting in his car, looking at the gates trying to muster up enough courage to get out and walk in. He had reached for the door handle and started to open the door, but changed his mind countless times. Finally, with a sigh, he had turned the music up and leaned back against the seat again. He had closed his eyes for a moment and muttered some choice words under his breath. Tapping his fingers to the beat of the music he had decided to get out when the song ended. Decision made he had relaxed a bit in his seat and let the words of The Blackest Years surround him.
The song had ended way too fast and the car had gone silent. Sighing, he had slowly opened his eyes. He had turned the stereo off and grabbed his bag from the passenger seat. Glancing at his watch he had finally opened the door and gotten out. He had been standing there looking around for a while before closing the door, locking it and walking in through the gates.
He had looked around as he walked, trying to remember the directions. After a couple minutes he had found himself standing outside the right building. Taking a deep breath he had opened the door and let his eyes scan the hallway as he did. He had almost laughed at how silly he was being. It had been almost two years, he was at a completely different part of the campus and this time she knew he was coming. There was no need to feel this nervous.
He had walked in and let the door close behind him, feeling a bit more confident as he had continued to watch the empty hallway. Walking further inside he had scanned the doors in search of the right one. He had soon found it and stopped, once again hesitating and once again he had started muttering at himself. After raking a hand through his hair he had finally knocked on the door. And he had felt all the nervousness and insecurities vanished as she had opened the door, smiling brightly at him and dragged him inside.
He sat still watching her for another ten minutes before feeling himself getting heavy-eyed. He carefully shifted his position and closed his eyes, not able to fight the sleep any longer.
She woke up early the next morning to a still fairly dark room, at first a bit startled at her surroundings. Then the previous night came back to her and she glanced up and saw him sleeping soundly, still half sitting on the couch. She lay still and watched him for a while, not wanting to disturb him. His head had fallen to the side during the night and rested on one of his arms that was slung behind his head. The other arm, she noticed, was lying over her legs, that she also noticed, were still stretched over his. He had a small smile playing at his lips and as she wondered what he was dreaming about she felt a smile of her own starting to form.
Thinking about last night she was amazed at how quickly her mood changed for the better as soon as he was there. She had been half lying on the couch, absently watching some stupid show on TV, when she heard the knock on the door. She had been exhausted after five hours of straight studying and helping Paris getting ready for an important date. And she'd had absolutely no energy for anything. The moment she had heard the knock her somewhat sulky expression had immediately turned into a bright smile and she had all but jumped off the couch and run to the door. Her smile had grown even wider at the sight of him.
She continued to watch him, taking the opportunity now that he couldn't see her doing it. She saw him stir and his eyelids started to flutter a bit, as if he was waking up. She quickly closed her eyes and pretended to sleep, not wanting to get caught again. She felt him stretch slightly and remove his arm from her legs and felt a bit disappointed. Then he stilled and she could almost feel his gaze on her.
He woke up to the unfamiliar feeling of something heavy lying over his legs. He soon realized what it was and watched her for a while trying to decide what to do. Feeling the slight strain in his neck he decided to get up. Carefully, as to not wake her, he lifted her legs and slid out from under them. Standing up he watched her to see if the movement had woken her up, but she didn't move and her only reaction was a slight sigh.
He watched her for a while, smiled slightly to himself and bent down to move a strand of hair out of her face before kissing her lightly on her forehead. Standing up again he sighed to himself and raked a hand through his hair. He saw a small smile tugging at her lips and smiled a bit sadly to himself.
With one last glance at her he went over to the window, massaging his neck and stretching the muscles in his back. He stood there looking out the window for a while before taking a notebook out of his bag and sitting down in the armchair next to the window. After looking over a couple pages in the light from the street lamp outside he took a pen out and started scribbling on an empty page. There was no way he could sleep anymore now.
She lay there for what felt like an eternity, listening to the rustle as he turned the pages of a book and the slight scraping of a pen. She still felt the soft, lingering touch of his lips and fingers. It had taken all of her willpower to stay 'sleeping' at the touch and now she was fighting the urge to grin like an idiot.
Taking a chance she slowly opened her eyes and, through half opened eyelids, looked over at him. He was huddled up in the armchair, eyes a bit strained in the sparse light. He had a concentrated look on his face and was writing incessantly. She tried to get a look of what he was writing in, but whatever it was it was hidden behind his legs.
Closing her eyes again she lay there, concentrating on the sound of him writing. She smiled as the image of him in the armchair appeared in her mind. Soon she felt herself drift off to sleep and to the sound of his pen she fell asleep again.
The next time she woke up it was to the bright light of the sun shining in on her. She listened carefully for any noise, but everything was quiet. Slowly opening her eyes she squinted at the light and had to shield them with a hand. Peering out from between her fingers she saw that he was still sitting in the armchair, a book in his hand and looking at her.
"Good morning," he said, getting up. "I hope you didn't mind me using the shower," he continued, smirking at her tries to focus her gaze.
"Good morning," she said, still a bit sleepy. "Of course not," she added after a moment, only now noticing he had changed his clothes and that his hair was slightly wet. "What time is it?" she asked after a moments thought.
"It's ten thirty. I thought you'd sleep all day for a while there," he said, clearly amused.
"Why didn't you wake me?" she asked, sitting up.
"Are you kidding?" he asked her, skeptically. "I've heard Luke's stories about what happens if you wake up a Gilmore girl. And I didn't want to search the whole campus for coffee just to…"
"Coffee, I need coffee," she said, interrupting him. "And food," she added after a moment. "And a shower," she concluded sadly after looking down at her wrinkled clothes.
Twenty minutes later he reentered the dorm room carrying two mugs of coffee and a bag of doughnuts to find her showered and ready, waiting for him to get back. He barely had time to get through the door before the coffee was taken out of his hands, followed by the bag.
"So, you get me to go find the food, but you don't let me eat any of it. How nice of you," he teased her, but couldn't help but smile at how eagerly she downed the first cup of coffee.
"I'm sorry, did you want something too?" she asked between bites of doughnut, smiling sweetly at him.
"I'm fine, I ate on the way here," he said. "Safest that way," he added, trying not to laugh as she quickly drank up the second cup of coffee.
Another twenty minutes later, after a lot of frantic packing on her part and a lot of no help on his part, they were both sitting in his car on their way to Stars Hollow. They had finally agreed on what music to play and were now listening to an old Clash CD she had found in the glove compartment. They were sitting in silence, listening to the music and, unknown to the other, both thinking about the events earlier that morning.
She was getting more and more curious about what he had been writing that morning. But she couldn't ask him, because that would mean that he would find out she hadn't been sleeping all morning. And she didn't want him to know that. Struggling with herself not to say anything she finally decided to break the silence. Maybe talking about something else would get her mind off the morning.
"This car is so much better than the last one," she finally said, turning towards him, smiling.
"It better be, it cost a lot more that that piece of junk," he said, smiling back at her, grateful for the interruption in his thoughts.
"Whatever happened to it?" she asked, curious.
"I finally had enough of it and towed it to a scrap yard," he said, laughing at the memory. And they spent the rest of the drive discussing and laughing at memories of the now dead car.
"You didn't actually spend the whole night in your car when you were here…getting it…did you?" she asked, sounding slightly worried, when they were only a couple miles outside Stars Hollow.
"No," he said with a sigh at the memory. "Luke came out to tell me he was spending the night at Nicole's and that I could stay in the diner." He was looking straight ahead at the road, thinking back. "I probably would have if he hadn't come out though," he admitted after a pause.
"But it was freezing," she said, almost sounding angry. "You could have frozen to death."
"Yeah well, I was angry, stupid and way too stubborn," he said with a sarcastic smile, still not taking his eyes off the road. "And at the time it didn't seem to matter that much," he added, almost inaudibly.
She turned towards him at that, not really sure she had heard right. Staring at him she started saying something a couple times, but didn't know what to say. "It did matter," she said finally, equally quiet. "It always mattered."
Sighing heavily he finally turned to her as they passed the Welcoming sign and smiled slightly. "I told you I was stupid," he said.
He turned back to the road and they stayed silent the rest of the way to Luke's. Arriving there he turned the car off, but left the stereo on. Neither of them moved to get out of the car, both lost in thoughts. A tap on the passenger window startled them both and they simultaneously turned to see Lorelai standing on the other side of the window with a bright smile on her face.
They turned to each other, both smiling slightly, and got out of the car. Rory was immediately surrounded by her mother's arms and hugged her back tightly. Letting go of each other she saw that Jess had gotten his bag out of the car and was now holding up the door for them to enter.
"What took you so long?" Lorelai inquired, still smiling brightly.
"Someone didn't want to wake up this morning," Jess said from the door, an amused smirk appearing on his face at the following protests.
Lorelai just laughed and they all entered the diner, some more cheerful than others. As soon as they got inside both Gilmore girls yelled for coffee and sat down at the counter. With the smirk still on his face Jess proceeded through the diner and walked up the stairs with his bag, all the way hearing the cries for coffee from downstairs.
Once inside the apartment he let the smirk fade off his face and sighed, dropping the bag down inside the door. He couldn't believe he had actually told her that. Shaking his head he walked over to the kitchen table, slumping down in a chair. Raking a hand through his hair he smiled a little as he thought of her response.
He sat there for a few more moments before getting up and retrieving the bag. He carried it over to his old bed before walking out of the apartment again and back down to the diner. He still heard their cries for coffee and felt the smirk reappear on his face as he pushed the curtain aside and stepped in behind the counter.
"What took you so long?" Lorelai asked him as he walked over to them and poured coffee in two large cups. "And where is Luke?" she asked a second later.
He just shrugged and glanced at Rory, giving her a smile as he saw her wondering look. She smiled back at him, looking slightly relived. Just then the door opened and Luke entered, smiling as he saw the three people gathered around the counter. He walked up to them, greeting Lorelai with a kiss and, with a smirk, told Jess to keep working as he already seemed to have started. He shrugged once again and went to refill coffee cups as the Gilmores sat chatting at the counter.
That night, after he and Luke had closed the diner, they were walking together through town, instinctively steering towards the bridge. They walked in silence, not feeling the need to talk. As they reached their destination they sat down beside each other, looking out over the water.
"I'm glad you came so soon," she said after a while.
"I didn't really have anything to do at home, so…" he trailed off, letting her interpret his meaning.
"I missed you," she told him quietly, looking up at him.
"You saw me two weeks ago," he reminded her, a smirk finding its way on to his face.
"Don't mock me," she said, unable to hold back a laugh. "You missed me too, admit it."
"Yeah, I did," he said after a moments thought, smiling at her victorious grin.
They sat there looking at each other for a while after that before they both looked away out over the water. A couple minutes later she glanced over at him, finding him still staring out over the water, seemingly deep in thought. Deciding to be bold for once she moved a bit closer and leaned her head on his shoulder. She felt him tense a little at first, but soon he relaxed and she smiled to herself. It felt good, almost like she was meant to be there.
They continued sitting there for a long time, neither moving, and talking about whatever came to mind. Eventually she couldn't ignore the cold creeping on her any longer and he felt her shiver slightly beside him. Fighting the urge for a split second he gave in and put his arm around her, gently rubbing her back. He felt her relax a bit and could hear her comfortable sigh.
They stayed there until she started to get drowsy. When she couldn't withhold her yawns he helped her up and walked her to the Gilmore house. She hugged him goodnight and waved sleepily as he walked back down the driveway on his way to the diner. They both went to sleep that night with a content smile on their faces and feeling like something was changing. And they both woke up the next morning with a feeling of anticipation.
She got up early that Sunday morning, not able to sleep any longer. After a quick shower she left a note for her mother and was on her way to the diner. Both Luke and Jess gave her strange looks as she walked in at eight, hair still wet. She ignored them and ordered coffee with lots of pancakes.
"I'm steeling Jess from you today," she told Luke as she finished her pancakes, not giving any of them time to react before dragging him out of the diner and up the stairs.
"I don't think you've dragged me up these stairs before," he said, amused as they started climbing. "I do recall being pushed down them a couple times though," he continued, starting to laugh. "I must say this direction is a lot better," he finished as she pulled him through the door to the apartment.
"I bet you do," she said, smiling at him. "We should do something today," she said then, looking around as if the room would give her an answer.
"Okay, what do you want to do?" he asked, watching her pacing around the apartment.
"I don't care," she said, stopping in the middle of the apartment. "I just want to do something. With you. Before you leave again," she said turning towards him.
"We could always get you through your next Hemingway," he said, smiling at her with what looked like a hopeful glint in his eyes.
"I don't have any of them here," she said after a moments thought, sounding a bit relieved that she didn't.
"No problem, I have," he said, at the same time walking over to the bag beside the bed and after a few moments searching got a book out. He smirked at her slightly horrified look and walked back over to her. "You said you didn't care," he reminded her, the smirk growing.
"Fine," she relented finally. "But you read," she told him, walking over to the couch and sitting down, patting the space beside her.
"Whatever it takes, I'll do it," he said, sitting down beside her and opening the book. "Okay, chapter one," he said, and smirked at her sigh. "In the late summer of that year we lived in a village that looked across the river and the plain to the mountains. In the bed of the river there were pebbles and boulders…"
Three hours later they were just finishing Book I. She was resting her head on his shoulder, listening to him reading and once in a while muttering something about how stupid something or other was. He smiled to himself and kept reading, only stopping when she wanted to know what he meant by one of his notes.
"…after a while the train gave a jerk and started," he finished and closed the book, leaning his head back on the couch. "I need something to drink," he said after a while, starting to get up.
"No, stay," she said, grabbing his arm to keep him seated. "I like this," she told him, tilting her head and smiling up at him.
"You like me being dehydrated?" he asked her, doing his best to give her an innocent smile, but failing as he saw the twitch in her arm, telling him she was about to swat him again. This time it would be difficult to avoid. "No need to get violent," he said amused and put his arm up as if to surrender.
"Who said anything about violence?" she asked him, trying to sound offended, but not able to suppress her smile.
He gave her a look as if to ask who she was trying to fool. Shaking his head and smiling slightly he pointed to her arm. "You should really practice more before you try that if you want to succeed. I may be a bit rusty, but you my friend are not that hard to read." Sighing, as if he just realized what he had said, he closed his eyes and let his head fall back on the couch again.
"What do you mean?" she asked, sounding a bit uncertain, not sure how they got to this topic.
"Why do you think I was sent here in the first place?" he asked her seriously, opening his eyes again and looking at her. "Or acted the way I did when I got here for that matter?"
"I don't know, I never really thought about that," she said, looking back at him. "Except when mom or Dean brought it up that is," she added, averting her eyes.
"I bet they came up with some pretty good reasons," he said, laughing a bit. "It might even have been fun to hear some of them."
"Mom said you had probably watched a lot of Stallone movies," she said, smiling slightly. "The night after the picnic," she added, her smile widening at the memory.
"Well, Rocky is quite the role model," he said, trying to sound serious, but failing as he saw her amused look.
"So, what did you do to get sent here?" she asked after a pause, no longer smiling.
"I think I'll go and get some water," he said, getting up before she could stop him, walked over to the kitchen and took out a glass.
"And you're still good at being evasive," she said, watching him pour water from the tap.
"You want some?" he asked when the glass was filled, turning around to face her.
"You're not going to answer this either, are you?" she asked.
"I…no," he said after a moment. "I shouldn't have brought it up in the first place. If you really want to know I'll tell you some other time, but not today."
"Okay," she gave in, dropping the subject for the time being. "You want to keep reading?" she asked. "I promise I will be good."
"Okay, but I need some air," he said, setting the glass down before walking over to his bed and retrieving his coat. "You coming?" he asked from the door.
They spent the next three hours on the bridge, finishing Book II with only some minor interruptions on her part. They had brought lunch from the diner on their way out and now there was a pile of empty food boxes sitting beside them. She was once again leaning her head on his shoulder, following the text while he read aloud.
"Does everything end with trains in this book?" she asked once he had finished reading.
"That's all you have to say so far?" he asked her, sounding a bit baffled. "And no, everything does not end with trains."
"Good, trains are boring," she said and laughed at his indignant glare. "I'm sorry, it just popped up in my mind and I had to say it. Forgive me?" She gave him her best pleading look and he couldn't stop the smile that appeared on his face.
"You shouldn't be allowed to do that," he said, barely holding back a laugh. "It's dangerous."
"We should probably go and socialize," she said after a couple minutes of comfortable silence. "Otherwise my mom will accuse you of kidnapping me and I'll never see you again. And we both have to get back tonight."
He didn't answer, only sighed, and they continued sitting there for another fifteen minutes. She finally got up and reached out her hand to help him up. He took it and they started walking back into town.
Around seven that night they both got into his car again for the trip back to Yale. He sighed in relief, exhausted after the last couple of hours spent with the Gilmore girls. If possible they talked more now than they used to. At least now he didn't have to deal with the constant hostility from Lorelai.
They drove in silence; listening to the same Distillers CD he listened to when he drove there two nights ago. Arriving at Yale neither of them wanted to say the first goodbye. Turning the engine off he leaned back in his seat for a while.
"I'll help you with your bag," he finally said in an effort to postpone it a bit longer.
She nodded and they walked the short way to her dorm in even more silence, taking their time. When they reached her door she turned towards him with a hesitant smile. They stood there and looked at each other for a few moments, before he took a small step forward, reached up a hand and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
She shivered slightly at the touch, suddenly reminded of that morning. Still with her eyes locked on his and without really thinking of what she was doing she leaned forward and kissed him. Almost immediately she felt him respond and his arms pull her closer.
She couldn't believe how much she had missed this, the feelings stirred up inside her. She closed her eyes and moved her hands up to his hair, deepening the kiss. Eventually she pulled away slightly, feeling dazed. Opening her eyes she looked up at him.
"Please don't run," he whispered, almost pleading, looking her in the eyes.
"I won't," she whispered back, although she wasn't sure if it was him she was reassuring, or herself.
"I have to go," he said regretfully, lifting a hand to play with her hair.
"Can't you stay till tomorrow?" she whisperer, burrowing her head against his shoulder.
"I have to go to work, you know," he said, holding her closer again.
"Can't you turn back to the old Jess for one night," she said, not sure if she was serious or not.
"I…I don't want to go…" he said, smiling into her hair. "But I have to. I need to be there tomorrow. And I should probably go sooner rather than later, or else I will actually end up staying."
"Call me tomorrow," she said, head still burrowed in his shoulder. "Or when you get home for that matter."
"You want me to wake you up in the middle of the night?" he questioned, not sure if he should laugh or not. The suggestion sounded too absurd to him.
"I probably won't sleep tonight anyway," she said, finally looking up at him. "Please call me when you get home."
"Okay," he said, smiling down at her. "Can I kiss you again?" he asked, not waiting for her reply before capturing her lips.
An hour later they were both thinking the same thing. What now? They hadn't talked at all about the future or what the latest events of the evening meant. For now they just lived in the present, hoping that everything would turn out right in the end. Turning over to the road that would take him past New York he was singing along with a song on the radio, not caring that it definitely wasn't something he normally would listen to. And in her room at Yale she was continuing the book he had read to her during the day. And she didn't once consider putting it down.
He called at half past one and neither of them got that much sleep that night. He came at the last minute to the meeting the next day, but when the other guys saw the grin on his face that he couldn't wipe out entirely they only laughed to themselves. Up in Connecticut she was walking around with a silly grin the whole day, almost driving Paris to a complete breakdown when she was far from paying attention during the meeting for the Yale Daily News.
