Not Dreaming
A/N: This is probably way too fluffy, but I was in the mood for something really cute. It might be that it's soon a new year or maybe the snow. I'm not sure… Anyway, consider yourself warned.
As usual, thanks to everyone who reviewed! Reviews make me happy! :D
Chapter 7. NY Conclusions
She wasn't there when he woke up the next morning and judging by the cold sheets beside him she hadn't been for a while. He sighed and used his hand to rub his face. Opening his eyes he discovered that it was bright in the room and he briefly wondered how late it was and how long he had actually been sleeping.
Then the events of last night came back, with all too much clarity. He sighed again, wondering how long she had been up and how many times she had gone over every detail of his tale in her head. He wondered what she was thinking of it now that she had had some time to think it through.
Slowly he got out of bed, dragging a hand through his hair. A bit hesitantly he walked over to the closed door. Opening it he looked out in the living room, searching for her. He found her sitting sound asleep on the floor, her back to the couch with her cell phone in her hand. He smiled at the sight.
Deciding not to disturb her he only took the cover from the pile on the floor and tucked it around her. He gently took her cell phone and put it on the floor beside her and moved a strand of hair out of her face. Then he took a shower and started making breakfast, assuming she would want coffee when she woke up.
He was just about to pour the eggs in a frying pan when she appeared in the doorway. She just stood there watching him, as if she didn't know what to do. He glanced over at her, trying to read her expression. A bit creeped out by her silence he poured her a cup of coffee and walked over to her.
"There will be eggs in a minute," he said, reaching out the cup and looking her in the eyes, trying to make contact. She only took the cup, staying silent and distant. He sighed before looking down and walking back to the stove, stirring the eggs.
"I called my mom," she said suddenly, sitting down at the table.
"Oh," he said, a bit hesitantly and turned around, facing her again.
"I woke up early and I couldn't sleep. I started thinking, about your…story…and I started feeling so bad for how I treated my mom last year. I'm so thankful for everything she has done for me, all the compromises she has made and for just always being there. I can't even imagine not having that and I don't know what I would have done if I didn't. I had to call her, I just wanted to talk to her and I didn't want to wake you up, so I went out to the living room." She took a deep breath, looking up and meeting his gaze. "I'm sorry I disappeared."
"It's okay," he said, smiling at her. "You want breakfast?" he asked, motioning to the stove.
"Yes, please," she smiled, looking up expectantly.
"So, what did Lorelai say?" he asked as he started stacking food on two plates.
"Well, she started complaining about me ruining her alone time with Luke in the diner storeroom," she started, her expression turning slightly disturbed as she said it. "I just realized I really don't want to know anything about that," she continued, shaking her head as if to rid herself of the thought.
"Second that," he said, sitting down in the chair beside her and putting down the plates on the table. "But it is a pretty good make out place," he added, smirking and raising an eyebrow at her.
"That it is," she agreed, blushing as she thought back to all the times they had snuck away there. "I bet mom doesn't really want to think about hat either," she added after a seconds thought, smiling at him.
"Probably not," he agreed, smiling back at her.
"She wanted to know if we had done any touristy things yet," she continued. "Then she started listing all the stuff I should do while I was here, and let me tell you, that list was long." Her smile widened as she remembered her mother's excited voice. "And she wanted to know if we were doing anything she wouldn't approve of. She almost sounded a bit disappointed when I said no," she finished, digging into her food.
"You didn't…" he started, but trailed off when he didn't know how to finish the though.
"No, I didn't tell her anything you told me," she said, glancing up at him again and catching the relieved look in his eyes.
"So, what touristy things did you decide to drag me to today?" he asked after a second, joining her attack on the food.
"Wow," was the only thing she could think of saying when they three hours later walked out on the top of the Empire State Building. She had begged for almost an hour before he finally gave in, agreeing to take her there. With a firm hold of his hand she dragged him over to the railing.
Watching her he quickly forgot all his protests, the never ending line, the floor in the lobby that almost made him sea sick and even the small fortune he paid to get up. The amazed look on her face as she looked out over the city and her smile as she tore her eyes away for a second was well worth all of it.
He pulled her in front of him and snaked his arms around her waist, leaning her back against his chest. Holding her close he kissed her temple and looked out over the city together with her. As they stood there he felt some of her excitement filling him. Whispering in her ear he started pointing out the sights to her, moving slowly around the tower.
"Thank you so much," she exclaimed when they emerged back to the street, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him.
"Welcome," he mumbled against her lips, not able to stop the grin that fought its way onto his face. Watching her he realized he'd gladly go up in that building as many times she wanted to if it made her that happy. Deciding he didn't particularly care how sappy that made him sound he pulled her closer and kissed her back passionately.
That day they zigzagged their way over central Manhattan, walked over Times Square, strolled around in Central Park, window shopped on Madison Avenue and stopped to eat more times than he thought possible. Finally she was too tired to walk another step and he almost had to carry her back to the apartment.
Once inside she fell onto the couch, not having enough energy to move an inch. "Why does it have to be so big?" she complained into the armrest.
Laughing he helped her off with her shoes and coat and placed her a little more comfortably on the couch. Shaking his head he then went out to the kitchen to make coffee. Just as he thought it soon made her come to life again. The rest of the night they spent curled up together on the couch watching more old movies they found in the apartment.
"Why did you stay?" she asked sleepily as she lay snuggled up against him in the guest room bed.
"Stay where?" he mumbled, not sure where her mind had wandered off to.
"In Stars Hollow, when you first got there. If you really hated it that much, why did you stay?" she asked, moving slightly so she could look at him.
"You really have to ask that?" he asked after a moment, looking at her pointedly, completely awake now.
"Me… You stayed because of me…" she said, not even bothering making it a question. The look in his eyes was more than enough. "I…I don't…" she trailed off, not knowing what she was trying to say.
"Are you really that surprised?" he asked and laughed a little before continuing. "The whole town probably knew. It sounds really stupid, but any doubt I might have had about staying vanished the first time I walked into your room."
"You really did mean everything you said when you came to my dorm? Didn't you?" she asked after studying him for a moment.
"Yes," he said simply. "Except the New York part. That was just stupid," he mumbled into her hair before gently kissing her temple. "And I'm definitely telling you too much this week. It can't be healthy."
"You don't know what happened after that, do you?" she asked uncertainly, not sure what possessed her to go there.
"What do you mean?" he asked. Not sure how to interpret the slight tremble in her voice he pulled away to look at her. "Know about what?" he wondered, searching her face.
"There are some things that happened before Logan that I didn't tell you about. You told me all about you. It's only fair you know everything about me," she said, ignoring his question and drawing away some more to look at him. "And I don't want you to hear from anyone else." She sighed and turned her head to look up at the ceiling.
"At the test run for moms Inn, I… I did something really stupid. You're probably gonna hate me for it." She took a deep breath and rolled over to her back completely before continuing. "I… I slept with Dean," she choked out, closing her eyes and covering her face with her hands, not wanting to see his reaction. She couldn't shut out his sharp intake of breath though.
"I was so confused and he told me he loved me and that things weren't working with Lindsay and it felt safe and I don't know… I tried to defend it to mom when she got home and more or less caught us, but I couldn't come up with a really good reason even then. I told her I hated her and then we did it again. I suppose I was trying to justify it to myself, making myself believe that it wasn't a mistake. But I just couldn't. Then I went to Europe with Grandma over the summer. I wrote him a letter saying that I couldn't do it anymore, but Lindsay found it and somehow we ended up together. It didn't last very long though and he broke up with me again. That time I only felt relieved, but I was already too far from who I used to be and I didn't even notice it."
She finally stopped, letting her sobs out, not able to control them any longer. She suddenly noticed that he was lying right beside her again. She hadn't been aware that he moved, too concentrated on talking. She felt his fingers lightly brush some stray strands of hair out of her face before gently turning her head towards him. She felt his breath on her face before he kissed her softly, his hand still cradling her cheek lightly.
"I could never hate you," he whispered and pulled her close to him again, still kissing her gently, tasting her tears. She gratefully returned his kisses, relaxing into his arms.
"Why aren't you mad at me or something?" she asked, a bit freaked out by his lack of reproach.
"You didn't judge me or hate me after I told you my story. How could I possibly hate you?" he asked, sounding surprised and almost offended by her question.
"But you hate him," she said, looking at him and still not really believing his reaction was real.
"Yes, I do. But that doesn't change anything," he said, meeting her gaze, a sincere look in his eyes. "Except I might hate him even more," he added as an afterthought, the corners of his mouth curling slightly into a smirk.
She couldn't help but laugh at his comment and leaned in and kissed him sweetly. She pulled back again for a second and met his gaze before kissing him again, this time more forcefully. He kissed her back, pulling her close to him. She rolled over to her back again, pulling him with her. They deepened the kiss and she started tugging at the T-shirt he was wearing, dragging it up over his back.
"Are you sure?" he asked, not actually wanting her to stop but feeling the need to ask.
"Yes," she breathed, kissing him again. "Why?" she asked after a moment, looking at him. "Don't you want…?" she started, getting worried.
"Of course I do," he said quickly, cutting her off. He smiled at her and leaned down to kiss her again. "I just don't want you to have any regrets about us this time," he added softly after a moment.
"Me neither," she said, pulling him down for another kiss, this time successfully yanking the T-shirt over his head.
She fell asleep that night securely wrapped in his arms and with a content smile that still lingered when she woke up. Opening her eyes she found him looking at her, smiling with a look in his eyes she could only describe as loving.
"Morning beautiful," he whispered and kissed her nose.
"Morning," she mumbled and cuddled closer to him, enjoying the feeling of skin against skin. "I could definitely get used to waking up like this," she said into his chest and felt him shiver from her breath.
"Hmm," he agreed, kissing her temple. He gently stroked his hand over her back and mumbled something that she almost caught into her hair.
"What was that?" she asked, not sure she had heard right. Holding her breath she waited to see what he would say.
"I love you," he repeated, this time loud enough for her to hear clearly.
Grinning madly she broke out of his grasp, pushed him down on his back and kissed him intensely. Before he could really respond she broke away, still grinning. "I love you," she said, looking into his eyes, for the first time in a long while not doubting her feelings. With eyes sparkling and nearly matching her grin he pulled her down again.
It took them another two hours to get up and shower and then they spent most of the day in the apartment, only going out to refill the stash of junk food. When he went to start dinner she hurriedly called her mother and smiling brightly changed her no from the previous day to a yes.
The rest of their stay in the city went by fast and all too soon they once again stood in the overcrowded Port Authority. They had been to every place she could think of to visit, her with never ceasing enthusiasm and him with protests that felt less and less sincere with time.
With a last kiss she finally boarded the bus that would take her back to New Haven. She couldn't help but smile as the bus rolled out of the city. They had talked more during the last couple of days and she finally felt like she knew him. Not the image she had known earlier but the real him. Now she only had to get to see him again soon.
He stood watching the bus roll away and didn't move for a long time. Walking away to retrieve his car he felt relieved. Relieved that she finally knew everything he hadn't been able to tell her before. And he too couldn't quite stop the smile that stubbornly kept invading his face. Not that he really tried that hard. Driving out of the city he started planning his next visit to Connecticut.
