Sam parked the car, the worry he'd been trying to push back so he could focus on work all day threatening to push through with a vengeance. Kelsey unbuckled her seat belt in the back, grabbed her backpack and started to grab the door when Sam stopped her.
"Be quiet when you go inside. Your sister might still be sleeping."
"Can I go check on her?" Kelsey asked.
"Put your backpack in your room first. If Abby's sleeping, leave her alone and you can talk to her later, okay?"
"Okay, Daddy."
Kelsey walked inside and was surprised to find Abby on the couch, sitting up and looking at them. Sam came behind Kelsey, and both of them approached Abby cautiously. As Kelsey hugged her sister, Sam took in her appearance. She was pale, paler than he'd ever seen her before. She halfheartedly returned Kelsey's hug, and Sam ushered Kelsey along to her room.
"Hey, little one. How you feeling?"
"Don't feel good, Daddy." Abby said, pouting slightly.
"I can see that." Sam said. "Where's mommy?"
Abby frowned. "I throwed up on her. She's in the bathroom."
"It's okay, baby." Jess came from around the corner, changed into different clothes and freshly showered.
"Sorry, mommy." Abby said.
"Shh. It's okay." Jess said. "How was work?" she asked as she sat next to Abby on the couch.
"Not bad." Sam asked. "How high is her fever?"
"101.8 after the meds from the doctor."
"What was it this morning?" Sam asked.
"103 at the doctor's office."
Sam wasn't sure what to do. Jess wasn't easily rattled. He'd seen her calmly deal with countless illnesses, injuries, and other mishaps involving the girls and not break a sweat. Abby was sick, sicker than either girl had ever been. But fever and throwing up so far added up to flu.
"I think you'll be okay, kiddo."
"Really?" Jess asked.
"Yeah. Just gotta make sure and rest, okay?" Sam said.
"Okay, daddy." Abby said.
"Baby, I'm gonna go start dinner. You stay in here, okay?"
"'Kay, mommy." Abby answered.
Six days crawled by. While Abby didn't get worse, she didn't get better either. Finally, on Sunday night, the break came that Jess was looking for. Abby had been laying down while the rest of the family ate dinner. After dishes were done and Kelsey had gotten a bath and into pajamas, Sam prepared a movie to watch in the living room with Kelsey. Just before Jess headed down the hall to check on Abby, she found Abby peering at them from the living room entrance.
"Hey, you. You feeling better?" Jess asked.
"A little." Abby said. She noticed Sam on the couch with the remote. "Can I watch too?"
"You bet you can." Jess said.
"Mommy, I can't find Oscar."
"Honey, he's in the washer. You got sick on him, remember?"
"Oh, yeah." Abby said with a yawn.
"Come on, sweetheart. Mommy'll hold you."
"Daddy? Will you do it?"
Sam, who wasn't used to Abby asking for him, felt tears stinging his eyes. "Sure, baby. Come on."
"I'll put Oscar in the dryer. He should be ready before we put you to bed." Jess said.
"Thank you, mommy."
Abby never made it through the movie. Jess pulled a blanket on top of the two of them, and the combination of her daddy's warmth, the blanket, the medicine she'd gotten from the doctor, and the dark room was a recipe for a knocked out Abby only half an hour after the start of the movie. Sam put her to bed, followed an hour later by Kelsey. Jess went to sleep hopeful that Abby was turning around.
"Mommy. Mommy, wake up."
Jess stirred, but didn't wake.
"Mommy, come on. Wake up."
"Mmmm. Kelsey?" Jess mumbled, still half asleep.
"Mommy, wake up." Kelsey said desperately. She finally grabbed Jess's arm and shook it. "Come on."
"Honey, what is it?" Jess asked. A brief look at the clock on the bedside table showed it wasn't even three in the morning yet.
"It's sissy. Mommy, she's really sick."
Jess was instantly awake. "What do you mean?"
"She woke up crying real bad. I could hear her in my room. She said her head hurts a whole lot and her arm looks weird."
"What do you mean it looks weird?" Jess asked.
"It's red."
Jess turned on the lamp next to the bed and jostled Sam hard. "Sam, wake up."
"What?" Sam mumbled.
"Sam, get up, now. Abby's gotten worse." Jess picked up the still scared Kelsey and placed her on their bed. "You stay here, honey, while me and Daddy go look at Sissy."
"Mommy? Is she okay?" Kelsey asked.
Jess swallowed and looked towards Sam. Both of them were scared, but couldn't show it. Kelsey was afraid enough, and the last thing they needed was two scared kids on their hands.
"I don't know, sweetie. But Daddy and I are gonna find out. Just stay here until one of us comes to get you."
Jess didn't wait for Kelsey to answer, just walked out and headed to Abby's room. Abby was curled up under the blanket, sniffing and crying loudly. Jess flipped the light on, which only made Abby cry even harder. Jess sat on the edge of Abby's bed and tried to pull the blanket off her, but Abby snatched it back.
"No! Light's too bright! Turn it off, please!"
"Sam." Jess said simply, and Sam reached over to turn it off. "Abby, come out, baby. We need to take a look at you."
Abby reluctantly pulled the blanket away from her face. "Mommy…."
"What hurts, baby?"
"My head." Abby said, tears spilling as fast as she talked.
"Let me see your arm." A strange rash had come on Abby's arm. "Does this hurt?"
"A little." Abby answered.
Sam reached over and placed one hand on Abby's forehead, and his face turned pale. "Jess, get her dressed. Now."
The alarm in Sam's voice caused Jess's panic to surge. "What is it?"
"Her fever's back. A lot higher than before. Get her dressed. We'll take Kelsey to Dean's then we're going to the ER."
By four-thirty, Abby was in the waiting room of the local hospital with her parents, and by five, the three of them were in an exam room. Abby cried the entire time, until she was just too tired to cry anymore. She buried her head in Jess's neck, refusing to look out at the bright lights. Sam tried to help comfort her, but the sounds of her crying and calling for her mommy tore at him. Finally, an older doctor walked in.
"Hello there. I'm Doctor Hart. Who do we have here?"
"This is Abby." Jess said. "Honey, can you turn around?"
"No!" Abby whined, causing fresh tears to fall.
"Abby, are the lights in the room bothering you? I can turn the really bright ones off."
"They hurts my eyes." Abby explained, sniffing between each word.
"Alright, sweetie, hang on." Dr. Hart turned and switched off the main light in the room, leaving only two dim lights on above their head. "How's that? Can you turn around for me so I can take a look at you?"
Abby cautiously turned around in her mom's lap, keeping one eye closed and one open. When she realized that the light didn't hurt anymore, she opened both eyes and faced the doctor.
"Is that better?"
"It's better." Abby said, rubbing her eyes slightly.
"Okay. So, what's going on with you?"
"Not feeling good." Abby said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Can you tell me what hurts the most?"
"My head."
"Okay. I'm gonna do a little test real quick. I know you said the light hurts, but I need to shine a little light in there for a second."
"Like with Dr. Miller?" Abby asked.
"Her pediatrician." Jess explained. "I took her there Monday."
"What did he say?" Dr. Hart asked.
"He said she had the flu." Jess said. "But I just feel like it's more than that."
"I don't want to scare you, but I think you're right." Dr. Hart said. "Abby, I need you to do something for me."
"What?" Abby asked.
"Take your dad's hand for me." Dr. Hart instructed, and Abby reached over for Sam's hand. "I'm gonna look at your eyes now. If it hurts, I want you to squeeze your dad's hand. This'll be over quick, I promise, but I need you to be as still as possible."
"I'll try."
"That's a brave girl." Dr. Hart smiled. "Mom, I've got a couple questions for you. When did her symptoms start and how bad were they?"
As Jess described the week to the doctor, Sam held Abby's hand in his. The brief seconds the light was in her eyes was enough to start her crying again, and Sam's heart started to throb painfully. Dr. Hart finally sighed and gave them his preliminary diagnosis.
"Okay, guys. I have a feeling I know what this is. But I have to perform two tests to be absolutely sure, and I don't want you two to panic."
"What is it?" Sam asked, speaking for the first time since Dr. Hart had arrived in the room.
"I think she has meningitis."
"Meningitis? Wouldn't her neck hurt if that was the case?" Jess asked.
"Kids don't always get a stiff neck." Dr. Hart explained. "It sounds like she started out with the flu and it developed into this."
"How serious is it?" Jess asked, and she suddenly looked as sick and pale as Abby.
"I wish I could tell you for sure, but I just don't know right now." Dr. Hart said.
"What do we do now?"
"I'm gonna give her something mild to help with the headache, then I'd like to do blood tests and a spinal tap." Dr. Hart said. "If the results come back positive, Abby may be here for at least a week."
"Don't wanna stay!"
Sam would regret it for the rest of his life, but the idea of Abby staying in the hospital for a week and Abby's protest of it propelled Sam out of his seat and into the hallway. He kept going until he reached the car, where he threw open the door and sat down in the front seat. Sam had known fear in his life. He'd been attacked by demons and werewolves and ghosts and things that he didn't even remember. He could protect Jess and the girls from anything supernatural. But he couldn't protect Abby from something that was so tiny he couldn't even see it. Tears streaming down his own face, Sam pulled out his phone and called Dean.
"Hey." Dean answered on the second ring. "What's going on?"
"Um…"
"What's wrong, Sam?" Dean asked immediately.
Sam didn't even bother asking how Dean knew something big was happening. "We're probably gonna be here a while. The doc thinks Abby has meningitis."
"What the hell?" Dean asked. "Meningitis?"
"Yeah." Sam explained the tests the doctor was planning on doing, then asked, "How's Kelsey?"
"She just went to sleep. She's pretty upset. You want me to keep her home from school?"
Sam checked the clock; it was six and Kelsey had been up since three. "Yeah, it's fine. Can you keep her for a while?"
"Of course I will. You guys stay as long as you need to. I got this."
"Thanks, Dean. I mean that." Sam said. A long, slightly awkward silence followed, before Sam asked the other question on his mind. "Dean? Do you think Dad would come if I called him?"
Dean knew why Sam asked. He wished he could say 'yes' without a doubt, but the truth was he didn't know. Sam and John had had a screaming fight the night that Sam had left for Stanford. A tenuous peace had been reached when Sam agreed to go back to full time hunting after graduation. But meeting Jess had derailed that plan, and caused another fight between Sam and John. While John had been somewhat involved in the lives of his grandchildren, Sam had kept him at a distance on purpose.
"Do you really want Dad to come? If you do, I'll call him."
Sam thought it over for a moment. "Yeah. I do."
"Okay. I can't promise, but I'll call."
"Thanks, Dean. For everything." Sam said. "I know it wasn't easy to leave Dad…"
"Sam, we don't have time for that now. You need to get back to Abby."
Sam laughed humorlessly. "Yeah, I don't think I'll exactly be welcomed in there with open arms right now."
"Why?" When Sam told Dean what he'd done, Dean shook his head, but was grateful that Sam didn't see it. "Sam, you're not Dad. Just go back in and apologize."
"Dean, I ran out on my sick kid. Tell me how that doesn't make me like Dad."
"Why did you leave? I figured you'd be sticking to Abby like glue." Dean said.
"It just…it killed me, Dean. Abby's so sick and in so much pain and there's nothing I can do about it."
Dean smiled, and decided not to tell Sam what he was thinking. That makes you more like Dad than you realize. "Sam, you made a mistake. Catch your breath, go in, and tell Jess you just had a hard time with it, and that you won't do it again."
Sam nodded. "Yeah. I will. Thanks, dude."
"Alright. Call me."
Dean hung up and Sam glanced the clock. Forty minutes had passed since he left the room and came outside. Forty minutes that Abby had been inside crying, sick, and possibly asking for him and wondering why her daddy wasn't there when she needed him. The thought alone was enough to make him cry all over again. Finally, when Sam had collected himself, he walked back inside the hospital.
Something in the hospital's gift shop caught his eye. It was a stuffed cat, solid black in color, with big, dark, expressive eyes. The eyes reminded him of Abby. When Sam tucked her in to bed at night, she would usually ask him to make up a story for him rather than reading one that was already written. Though creating stories that would hold Abby's attention was challenging, she would often stare at him with eyes that looked twice as big as they did at any other time. Sam purchased the cat and walked back towards the room where he'd last seen Abby.
The lights were still off, and Abby was lying down on the bed, sleeping hard. Jess was sitting next to the bed, on a chair that had been brought in for her by one of the nurses. Sam carefully closed the door and approached the bed, noticing right away the icy reception Jess was giving him.
"Jess…"
"Don't." Jess said simply, without so much as looking up at him.
"Jess, please. Look at me."
To say that Jess was angry was an understatement. She had been left alone to comfort Abby through two different doctors drawing blood, and, in something she hoped she never had to watch again, a spinal tap. But when she saw Sam's face, she softened slightly. Sam had been crying too, and was holding a stuffed cat in his arms, presumably for Abby. He carefully placed the cat onto the bed, then pulled a little of Abby's long hair out of her face.
"You left." Jess whispered hotly.
"I know." Sam said. "I know I left, and I'm so sorry."
"You left me alone to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. She was screaming, Sam."
"Screaming? Why?"
"Maybe because she's five years old and they couldn't find a vein to do the blood test, so they had to stick her six times. Then they did the spinal tap and stuck a needle in her back, Sam. Gee, I can't think of a single reason she might be screaming, can you?"
"Jess, please. I'm sorry. I just…" Sam stopped when he realized that nothing he said was going to be a good enough explanation for leaving.
"You just what, Sam?" Jess asked.
"I panicked. I just never thought I'd ever love someone like I do her. And it was killing me listening to her cry like that when I couldn't do anything about it. I'm sorry."
Jess was too tired to stay angry at Sam. As firm as he tried to be with the girls, his heart melted when one of them was sick or hurt. Abby was both, and more so than either of them had ever been before. Jess stood up and walked around the bed. She only stood up to Sam's chest, but Sam was nonetheless intimidated by her. She pulled both arms around his waist before speaking.
"Don't you ever leave her or me like that again."
"I won't." Sam swore.
"I mean it. Sam, she was begging for you the entire time. I can't do this alone."
Sam closed his eyes against the sharp guilt that shot through his heart. "I swear. I won't."
Jess nodded. "Okay. I believe you."
"Did Dr. Hart come back yet?"
"No. He said it would probably be a while. She got a local anesthetic for the spinal tap, but he gave her something to help her sleep after everything was all over." Jess said.
"That's probably best." Sam said. "I told Dean it was okay to let Kelsey stay home from school today. She just fell asleep a few minutes ago."
Jess nodded, then leaned against Sam's tall, strong frame and relished in the comfort it gave her. But when she turned her head back towards Abby, she was reminded again that the situation Abby was in was serious. It wasn't a skinned knee or hurt feelings that could be fixed with a hug and a kiss. It wasn't a cold or tummy ache that could be fixed by being held in mommy's lap until she fell asleep. Suddenly she understood Sam's need to run. It was enough to make her want to do the same.
"What are you thinking?" Sam asked.
"Is she gonna be okay?"
"Yes." Sam said. "She's going to be fine."
"How can you be so sure?" Jess asked.
"We just have to have faith in her." Sam said. "Can you do that?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I can do that." Jess said. "I can do that."
