A/N: I'm back and so excited to be. Unfortunately, it is not with my laptop yet but this is better than nothing. I won't bore you guys with a recap or anything. I think you'd like it better if I just jumped right in. Like I said in my last note, I've been writing down my chapters so I don't forget anything. So this is going to pick up right after Edward leaves Bella in her room.
EDWARD
I walked out of Bella's room, my head swimming with thoughts. I could not believe that I'd finally got the courage to tell her that I still loved her. What was even more surprising to me was that some part of her still loved me too. I wasn't sure how strong that part was. Nor did I know whether or not that part was born of desperation and lonliness.
Thought the knowledge and the kiss we just shared made me happier than I 'd been since Bella's eighteenth birthday, I knew I'd have to wait. I wasn't going to take adbantage of her emotional state. She was still hirting from losing Jacob and the pack. For all I knew, that kiss could've been something borne of the pain and sadness that she was feeling over them. If she still did love me as much as I loed her, I wanted her to be absoulutely sure it was what she really wanted. I knew niether of us could bear another heart break. I didn't even think she could survive another one.
Having this new knowledge, I knew, whether or not Bella wanted me, I was being extremely unfair to Roxanne. Regardless of whatever silent agreement we had about our relationship, I couldn't keep stringing her along. It wasn't fair to her for me to tie her down when I was in love with someone else. Our relationship was one borne of desperation and loneliness. Two things the would, hopefully, soon bno longer be an issue for me.
Bella was my happiness. She was the reason I still existed. It wasn't fair to me to bring in a replacement. Nor was it fair to the replacement, Roxanne. I had to tell her that Bella was the only person for me. I had to give her the chance to find someone who made her as happy as Bella made me.
I hoped I wouldn't hurt her too much. I knew she thought of the whole thing the same way I did. I also knew how attached she was to me. I had to let her know that I couldn't be that way with her anymore but I'd always be there for her. I just hoped she'd understand.
I knew the sooner I told her, the better it would be for the both of us. Which is why I went directly to the living room. I knew she was down there playing chess with Jasper while Alice watched.
When I got down there, Alice was bouncing up and down and clapping. Apparently, Jasper had beaten Roxanne in the closest match the Cullen family had ever had. Which was exactly the way Alice saw it. Roxanne was demanding a rematch. Alice looked up when she heard me coming down the stairs.
"Don't worry, Edward." she thought. "She's going to be just fine."
I nodded my thanks and she smiled in reply.
"Roxy, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked.
"Sure." she replied.
Her thoughts told me that she knew what was coming. I couldn't quite gauge her emotions from her thoughts.
"Why don't we go to my room?" I suggested.
Roxanne nodded and we headed back up stairs. When we reached my room, I sat down on my couch. She sat down next to me and stared at her knees. I put a comforting hand on hers and tried to ignore her thoughts.
"Roxy, I..." I started.
"Edward, don't." she cut me off. "It's okay. I know how you feel about her. I felt the same way about Kyle. And as crazy as it sounds, I still feel the same way about him. I know what you and I had could never really work. Trying to replace someone you love with someone you like doesn't work. Especially when the one you love loves you back."
It took a minute for the last bit to sink in. I had been trying to match what she was saying with her thoughts. I wanted to make sure that she was really okay with this. The part about Bella still loving me, caught me off guard. How could Roxanne be so sure? The only indication of Bella's feelings for me in the last four months had been the kiss. However, that was something only Bella, myself, and maybe Alice knew about.
"How can you be sure?" I asked a couple seconds later.
"She hides her feelings well. Even from Jasper. But I observed a lot in my first few weeks here. In her head, she was convinced that she was in love with Jacob but her heart belongs to you. I could see it when she looked at you. And hear it in settle comments she occasionally makes. She was fighting it and was close to winning until Jacob broke her heart. Now she has no excuse to deny her feelings for you." Roxanne explained.
I had forgotten how complicated the human mind could be. I figured a normal human would probably explode if the had to think about all that. On the other hand, for Bella, it was probab;y a defense mechanism. I hurt her once and she didn't want to give me the chance to do it again. Some part of her knew, though, despite her fear, she could never stop loving me. That was a part only Roxanne understood enough to see.
Before I could ponder this any further, Bella's screams rang out through the house.
"Please, stop! Leave them alone! No! Edward!"
Roxanne and I were at her side within seconds. The rest of the family was there as well. Bella was thrashing on the bed, crying.
"No, Jacob!" she cried. "They didn't do anything!"
"Bella, wake up!" I said shaking her shoulder. "It's okay. I'm here. He can't hurt you if you wake up."
"No! Please, not here!" she yelled and began to thrash even more. "Let me out! Let me go!"
I looked to Roxanne.
"Why won't she wake up?" I cried desperately.
"I don't know!" Roxanne replied just as upset. "I could usually pull myself out when I've had enough. She should be the same."
"No! Mom! Please, leave her alone!" Bella cried again.
She was thrashing so violently that she was going to hurt herself. I tried to pin her done but she struggled against me.
"Edward, go get my bag." Carlisle ordered. "I have to sedate her before she hurts herself."
I was halfway out the door when Roxanne grabbed my arm.
"You can't!" she said urgently to Carlisle. "That'll push her deeper into unconciousness. The deeper under a person is the easier it is for Kyle to hold them there."
"So what do we do?" I asked frantically.
"Talk to her. Remind that it's just a dream and she can wake up whenever she wants." Roxanne answered.
I sat down on the bed next to Bella and stroked her hair.
"Bella, it's Edward. Honey, you have to calm down and wake up. It's onaly a dream. The family's fine. The pack's fine. Renee's fine. We can call and check on everyone. But first you have to wake up. Please, baby, just wake up." I pleaded. "I won't let him hurt you."
It went on for a few more minutes. I begged, promised, and, once again, confessed my love to her. She eventually relaxed and her eyes fluttered open.
