Not Dreaming


A/N: Hmm…I suck at this updating thing lately, huh? I'm sorry. I can't really say anything else in my defense than that I just couldn't seem to write.

This chapter goes out with a bunch of hugs to Knowhere and Sandi, because you're both awesome.


Chapter 17. Good Morning


Jess woke up early, even before the sun was up. At first he wasn't sure where he was, the smell and lack of sounds around him unfamiliar. But then he heard yelling from far away and memories of yesterday came back to him.

He groaned and closed his eyes tightly, wanting desperately to go back to sleep, but knowing that it was no use. There were too many things on his mind now that he had already woken up and there was no way he could just ignore them and go back to sleep.

He needed to think things through, sort everything out and come up with a good way of apologizing to Rory for taking off. And probably for yelling at her too, even though he didn't necessarily think he had been wrong.

He opened his eyes again and glanced at his watch, sighing when he saw it read 5:30. Frustrated he got out of bed, stretched until his back cracked and ambled over to the bathroom in hopes of a long hot shower. Hopefully that would clear his head and let him make some sort of plan for the day.

The shower didn't help much and he was still unsure of what to do. His muscles ached a little less, which was a plus, but that was about it. With a sigh, he got dressed and then he went down in the diner in search of something to eat and hopefully a distraction.

Luke looked up from taking Kirk's order when he heard footsteps on the stairs from the apartment and saw Jess slowly walking out from behind the curtain. Luke raised an eyebrow, glancing at his watch, but just got a shrug in response.

He turned back to Kirk, trying to figure out what it was he actually wanted to order and Jess walked up behind the counter and poured himself a cup of coffee before taking a seat at one of the stools and grabbing a doughnut.

Kirk finally made up his mind and Luke smiled to himself as he went out in the kitchen to start cooking, feeling almost like he had gone 5 years back in time, back to when Jess had just arrived. But then he saw the tired look on his nephew's face and realized things were very different from back then.

They didn't say much, but when he had finished his doughnut Jess got up and grabbed an order pad, walking up to the man who had just entered. Luke stared at him for a second, but didn't say anything about it, only watched while he wrote down the order and returned to the kitchen.

Jess, glad for the distraction, deposited the order with Luke in the kitchen and continued over to take the order from the elderly couple. He briefly wondered what reasons they could have for being up before six in the morning, but realized he could ask himself that same question, so he decidedly pushed it away.

The stream of customers grew steadily as the morning rush neared and he found himself with more and more to do, which he was only grateful for. With his hands busy he had something to concentrate on and distract his mind from the things he just didn't want to think about yet.


Through the hazy half awake state she was in, Rory felt something heavy land beside her and opened her eyes slowly to find herself staring up into the brown eyes of a very hairy dog.

At first she just stared, too surprised to really react, but then the dog proceeded to lick her face and she yelped before scrambling to get away, ending up in a heap of limbs and blankets on the floor. She watched the dog huff before jumping down from the couch. Then she saw him padding up the stairs and she slowly hauled herself off of the floor.

She was a bit surprised to find herself waking up on the couch, but then she remembered last night. She sighed, laid down on the couch again and wrapped herself up in the blanket, wanting to go back to sleep, but quickly realized it wouldn't happen. She was now fully awake and apparently she was supposed to be. She sighed and once again got out of the bed, not at all prepared to handle everything from the past day, and went to take a shower.

Upstairs, Lorelai had just barely fallen asleep once again when she heard a pair of feet climb the stairs slowly and then the bathroom door open and shortly after the shower turning on. She sighed at the thought that her daughter, who never voluntarily got up before 6 in the morning, apparently had done just that today.

She had almost gone back to sleep after Luke left for the diner in the morning when she had heard a thud from downstairs, quickly followed by clicking footsteps on the stairs. And then Paul Anka had appeared in the doorway to the bedroom, waited there for a second and then walked up to the bed and crawled on it, lying down comfortably by her feet.

And now her daughter was up too. She listened to the shower running for a while before she decided to get up as well. Paul Anka lifted his head and peered up at her questioningly, but didn't move to follow her. She patted his head on her way by and grabbed her bathrobe before walking down the stairs to make coffee.

When Rory walked into the kitchen Lorelai was sitting on a chair, leaning on the kitchen table, with her hands wrapped around a coffee mug. When she saw Rory appear in the doorway she unwrapped one of her hands and picked up a second coffee mug from the table, reaching it out to her.

"Good morning," Lorelai said, watching her daughter eagerly down the coffee.

"Morning," Rory mumbled after finishing her coffee and sat down at the table with a big sigh.

"You ok, honey?" Lorelai asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I'm…" Rory began, but caught Lorelai's slightly disbelieving look and stopped, shaking her head. "No."

"You want to talk about it?" Lorelai asked, but Rory shook her head, staring down at the table. "Wallow? Sleep some more…?" she suggested.

"I don't know," Rory sighed, putting her head down on the table.

"More coffee?" Lorelai asked.

"Yeah, thanks," Rory said, lifting her head again.

"See, there's nothing large amounts of coffee can't help," Lorelai smiled.

Despite her crappy mood Rory couldn't help but smile at Lorelai's comment, and she chuckled a little as she accepted the refilled coffee mug. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Rory sipped at her coffee, staring out into space and Lorelai eyed her carefully for a while, trying to decide whether or not to interrupt her thoughts. She finally couldn't stay silent anymore.

"You sure you don't want to talk more?" she asked.

"I already told you what that happened last night," Rory said with a sigh.

"I know, but you fell asleep before we could really talk about it," Lorelai reminded her.

"I don't want to talk about it," Rory said quietly, playing with the coffee mug in her hands. "I just want to fix it."

"So go talk to him," Lorelai suggested, squeezing her hand.

"But I…" Rory protested, the panic inside her evident in her voice.

"You won't be able to fix anything by hiding, Rory," Lorelai said. "And the sooner you fix it the sooner you'll feel ok again."

"But I don't even know where he is," Rory started protesting weakly, but then heard what she was saying. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed, standing up. "I don't remember seeing his car when I left yesterday. He always drives too fast when he's angry and yesterday he was definitely angry."

"Rory, Rory, calm down," Lorelai interjected her rambling.

"Calm down? How can you ask me to calm down?" Rory was now in her room, frantically looking through her bag for her cell phone. "What if he went out driving and something happened?"

"Nothing happened," Lorelai assured her.

"How do you know?" Rory asked, finally locating her phone.

"Well, I…" Lorelai started carefully.

"Stupid phone!" Rory exclaimed, cutting her off as she fumbled with the buttons, trying to disable the key lock.

"Rory, calm down. He's ok," Lorelai said, taking the phone form her daughter. "Just calm down."

"How do you know?" Rory repeated and then looked up at her mother hopefully. "You know where he is?"

"He was in the apartment when Luke got there last night," Lorelai said.

"Thank God," Rory said with a sigh of relief. "Is he ok?" she asked then.

"As far as I know he's still alive and breathing," Lorelai assured her. "More than that I don't really know. Luke wouldn't tell me more."

"So he's ok," Rory mumbled to herself, relief filling her when Lorelai nodded. It soon gave way to anger though. Wasn't it enough that he yelled at her, did he have to scare her half to death too? She took a deep breath to calm herself down to keep from taking out her frustration on her mother. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked finally.

"You were busy freaking out just now," Lorelai said, sitting them both down on the edge of Rory's bed. "And I just got up; you know my mind doesn't work properly before ten in the morning."

"But you could have told me last night," Rory said, looking up at Lorelai. "Then I wouldn't have been freaking out just now."

"You were asleep, honey," Lorelai said, rubbing her arm. "I didn't want to wake you up."

"Oh." Rory dropped her head, leaning it on Lorelai's shoulder and took a deep breath.


It was the middle of the morning rush, the diner was filled to its limit and Jess was rushing around filling coffees and delivering orders. He was exhausted, but he didn't allow himself to stop for more than a couple seconds at a time, figuring something to do was the best way to keep his mind in check.

Although the morning rush at Luke's was maybe not the best thing he could have come up with. He was starting to have trouble containing his temper when more than one customer in less than two minutes couldn't seem to make up his mind. It was almost like having a live flashback to four years earlier, and that thought didn't exactly cheer him up. He didn't exactly want to be reminded of all the stupid things he had done then.

The bell chimed again when he was in the middle of convincing a customer that the eggs could in fact be fried instead of scrambled, regardless of what the menu said. And the voice that called out his name not long after had never made him more relieved, even though she sounded a bit astonished.

"Lane," he returned, leaving the customer at the table without a second look.

"What are you doing here?" Lane asked, still standing right inside the door.

"Going insane," he told her and gave her his order pad. "Here, you go deal with the moron at the corner table before I say or do something I might even regret later."

"But I…" Lane started protesting, motioning to the bag in her hand.

"I can take that," he said quickly, taking her bag and walking away, putting it in the staircase up to the apartment.

He spent the next half hour pouring coffees, not caring particularly if the cups were empty or not, or if the customer actually wanted coffee. He noticed Lane giving him strange looks, but he ignored it, continuing around the room till the diner finally started clearing out.

There were only five customers left when he went back behind the counter to start making more coffee. When he was done they were only three and he found himself standing with a coffee pot in hand and nothing to do. Then Miss Patty walked in, stopping for a second to look at him before continuing over to a table.

"I'm going out to get your car Jess," Luke said, wiping his hands on a towel as he walked out of the kitchen.

"I'm coming with you," Jess said quickly, putting the coffee pot down.

"No, you're not," Luke said.

"Oh, I definitely am," Jess insisted. "Miss Patty just came in and she's giving me funny looks and I'm not in the mood for any of her questions."

"I told you last night to go talk to Rory, why don't you do that?" Luke asked, giving him a pointed look.

Jess sighed and closed his eyes briefly. "Do you know what time it is?" he asked.

"Around seven thirty," Luke said with a shrug. "Why?"

"You just answered your own question," Jess clarified, hoping Luke would let it go.

"So?" Luke asked. "Bring her breakfast and make her happy when she wakes up."

"I can't," Jess said

"Sure you can," Luke said. "You just…"

"Would you just drop it?" Jess said, irritated. "I can't right now, ok?"

"Ok, I just…" Luke began.

"Don't!" Jess cut him off.

"Fine, dropping it for now," Luke consented. "But you're still not coming with me."

"Luke, someone has to drive my car back here," Jess reasoned.

"Why? I've got the toe line," Luke said with a shrug.

"So you're gonna drive 20 miles an hour for 10 miles?" Jess asked.

"I…" Luke began, but didn't get any further until Jess cut him off.

"You're gonna go insane with all the people wanting to pass you all the time," Jess said, determined to go with him. "And they'll be honking 'cause you're taking up space with that big truck of yours," he added for effect.

Luke glared and tried to think of anything good to say when Lane came out of the kitchen behind them.

"I think he's got you there, Luke," she chirped in helpfully, a wide grin on her face, while she passed them, balancing two plates. "Though I've got no idea what you're talking about," she added, her expression turning confused as she walked out in the diner.

"Fine, come with me if you must," Luke gave in and headed for the door. "Don't burn down the diner while I'm out," he told Lane, more out of habit than with any real worry and she nodded, waving after them as they exited the diner.

"Thank you," Jess mouthed to Lane as he closed the door and she gave him a confused smile before getting back out in the kitchen.


"You feeling better?" Lorelai asked. She was lying on her back on Rory's bed, next to her daughter. They had been lying there silently for almost an hour by now, staring at the ceiling.

"Yeah, I'm ok," Rory assured her, taking a deep breath and giving her a smile.

"Then why do I not believe you?" Lorelai asked, eyeing her with raised eyebrows.

"Because I'm a terrible liar?" Rory asked with a deep sigh.

Lorelai studied her for a few minutes and then nodded. "That might be it."

Rory smiled at her again and then turned back to look at the ceiling. "Hey, no one is perfect."

"I rather like the fact that you never perfected the art of lying," Lorelai said, braving a smile.

"I bet you do," Rory chuckled softly, but soon grew quiet again.

Lorelai studied her daughter in silence for a while. "So, you finally want to talk to me?"

"Yeah, I think so," Rory said. "I just want to get dressed. And I should call the paper, tell them they can send their articles by e-mail."

"You staying the day?" Lorelai said, not really making it a question.

"Yeah," Rory said with a small nod. "I don't think I could handle the paper today. And I probably need the time off anyway; I've been going crazy this last week."

"Ok," Lorelai agreed, sitting up on the bed. "You want breakfast?" she asked.

"Yeah, thanks," Rory nodded with a small smile.

"Ok, I'll be back soon," Lorelai said and got up off the bed and walked out the room. She went up the stairs, pulling some clothes on and hurried out to the car, calling a goodbye as she closed the front door.

Rory was still lying on her back on the bed. She listened to the car starting outside and then as it drove away, and took a deep breath. Slowly she stood up and went over to the closet, looking through it for something to wear, grateful that she kept some clothes there.

She finally settled on a skirt and a tank top, remembering the warmth from the past days. Slowly she slipped out of her robe and into her clothes, brushed her hair and then stood for a couple minutes, watching herself in the mirror.

After a quick glance at her watch, she sighed and picked up her phone again. It was a quarter to eight and no one would be there except Paris. She wasn't exactly up to talking to her, especially after the previous afternoon, but she dialed anyway.

"Yale Daily News," she heard Paris's voice over the phone after only one ring and she sighed before answering.

"Hi Paris, it's me," she said, wincing a little at her choice of greeting.

Five minutes and a lot of yelling later Rory hung up the phone and fell back down on her bed. It was draining to talk to Paris, even when she was in a good mood and this had definitely not been one of those times. But now she had made sure the paper was in good hands for the day, she had made sure Paris had found the article she had managed to send in the day before and she had told Paris she was home being sick.

She didn't really feel good lying to Paris, but she couldn't exactly tell the truth. And she definitely couldn't go to the paper today. It would end up a disaster and she didn't need that above everything else. She sighed and pushed the thought out of her mind.

Not long after she heard the car drive up outside the house again and she took a deep breath, getting ready for her talk with her mother. And she was pretty sure Lorelai had gone to Luke's to get breakfast, so she was anxiously waiting for any information she could get about Jess. She wanted badly to see him, but she just couldn't muster up the courage to go there and talk to him yet. She would go by the bridge later to see if he was there.

Lorelai entered not long after, yelling out to her that she had pancakes, bacon and coffee. Rory smiled, almost against her will, and went to meet her in the kitchen.


Jess parked his car behind the truck outside of Luke's and sat there for a while before getting out. The first thing he saw when he looked inside the diner was Miss Patty and Babette sitting at a table by the window, looking out at him with identical expressions on their faces.

He sighed and walked up to Luke who was waiting outside of his truck. "I'm going up in the apartment. I need to call the bank, work and whatever else there is," he said when he came up beside him.

"Yeah, go ahead," Luke agreed. "You need any help, just let me know."

"Just keep those two away from me," Jess said with a sigh, nodding towards the two women who were now busy trying not to look at him.

"God, don't they have something better to do?" Luke said with a scoff, shaking his head.

"Well, this is Stars Hollow," Jess said with a shrug. "Babette probably saw Rory arrive yesterday and knows she spent the night over there."

"Yeah, probably," Luke agreed. "You know, you really should…"

"I thought you said you'd drop it," Jess cut him off.

"Ok, ok," Luke said, backing off again. "Let's just go in."

Jess nodded and walked up to the door, hurrying inside and up the stairs, ignoring the questions directed to him. He took a deep breath when he was safely up the stairs and smiled a little as he heard Luke telling them to order or get out of the diner.

He walked into the apartment, pulled out the phone book from the shelf and sat down at the kitchen table with the phone, staring at it for a couple seconds. Then he decidedly opened the phone book, filing through it and was about to call when he remembered the time. Realizing that nothing would be open at half past eight in the morning he just wrote down the numbers and sat staring straight ahead for a while.

He called work, telling them he would need another day to finish the book and that he would take it with him when he came down on Friday. Then he tried looking over his draft, making those last changes it needed, but he couldn't concentrate. He picked up a book he had left in the apartment and tried to read to make time pass, but he couldn't keep his mind on the words. Frustrated he sat down at the table again, staring at his watch, trying to make the time go faster.

Finally it turned ten and he spent another hour making calls, figuring out how to get new bank cards, a new driver's license and everything else he needed. He felt drained when he was done, but at least he'd been able to do something.

He looked through the notes he had made and started making a list over the things he needed to do. When he came to point seven he suddenly stopped, staring down at the paper. "Damnit," he mumbled to himself and dropped the pen, putting his head in his hands.

He took a deep breath and got up from the table, looked around the apartment for a while and then went out and down the stairs. "Luke?" he called when he got down into the diner again. He quickly looked out over the room, but didn't see anyone he recognized more than fleetingly.

"Yeah?" Luke said, walking out of the kitchen.

"I'm going out for a while," Jess said.

"Ok," Luke nodded, giving him a small smile.

He exited the diner, closing the door slowly behind him, and started walking, no destination in mind. He walked randomly, up one street, down another, finding himself in parts of town he thought he had never seen before, thought he knew he most likely had.

Eventually he found himself walking by the school, and soon the bridge became visible between the trees. He scoffed to himself and turned down to the lake. Once again he had ended up at the bridge. He somehow thought it inevitable; it was where he always ended up when he needed to think in this town. The only place he had ever felt really comfortable when he lived here.

He slowly made his way out to the middle of the bridge and stood there for a few minutes before sitting down. He had no idea how long he sat there; it could be minutes or hours, time didn't seem to matter. It felt good though, just sitting there, letting his mind wander, although he didn't get much thinking done.

His wandering thoughts were interrupted by tentative footsteps approaching the bridge, pausing at the edge and then slowly continuing. He didn't have to look up to know who it was and he thought that maybe if he didn't look up he'd make it easier for her to come up to him.

The footsteps stopped a few feet to his right. He waited a couple seconds, not sure if she would continue or not, but when she didn't he looked up at her.

"Hey," he said, obviously startling her where she stood, looking out over the water.

"Hi," she echoed quietly, slowly turning her head around and met his gaze for a second before looking away quickly.

They both grew quiet, staring out over the water. She glanced over at him quickly, and sat down on the bridge, a bit closer than she was before.

"Shouldn't you be at the paper?" he blurted out, the first thing that came to mind, and groaned when he realized how it sounded. "I didn't…"

"I…um…called in sick," she said, glancing over at him again with a small nervous smile.

He whipped his head around at that, eyeing her curiously. "Huh."

"Yeah." She blushed under his gaze and once again turned her head to look out over the water. And again silence descended over them.

Finally he sighed and turned to her again. "Why is this so awkward?"

"I think it's supposed to be awkward," she said, looking back at him. "I mean, yesterday we…" she trailed off, looking away again.

"Yeah," he agreed uncomfortably and they both grew quiet again.

"I've been by here a couple times this morning," she said blushing a little and looking intently at her hands.

"Oh?" he said, looking at her curiously.

"Yeah, mom told me this morning that you were at Luke's. I was pretty sure you'd come here eventually." She kept her eyes sternly at her hands.

"You were, huh?" he asked with a hint of smile in his voice.

At his tone she looked up again, meeting his gaze and grew a little redder. "Yeah," she whispered.

"I've become that transparent?" he said, shaking his head with a sigh. "I have to do something about that."

"I like it," she said quietly.

A bit surprised by her words he looked over at her intently, trying to read her expression, but she had her head turned away slightly, looking out over the water.

"I like that you let me get to know you," she said, equally quiet.

"Oh," he mumbled, not sure what to say. So far none of this had gone anyway near what he had been expecting.

"Yeah." She nodded to herself. "Mom also said you weren't there this morning when she got breakfast. That Lane told her you were out with Luke?" She wasn't really sure what she was asking, only that it definitely felt like a question.

"Yeah, we um…went out to get my car," Jess said, debating whether or not he should tell her what happened the day before.

"Oh," Rory mumbled, feeling there was something he wanted to tell her.

"Yeah, I…" he began, but stopped when Rory suddenly cut him off.

"This morning I realized I had no idea where you were," she said, breaking the silence, her eyes still locked on her hands, "and I couldn't remember your car in the parking when I drove here."

"I went out for a drive," he said quietly.

"Yeah, I thought so," she nodded and paused for a second. "I panicked and kept imagining all the horrible things that could have happened to you and…"

"Hey," he said, moving closer to her, "nothing happened."

"Yeah, I know," she said, looking up at him. "It's just that I kept thinking that the last time I saw you I'd been yelling at you and I…"

"Rory, you're gonna drive yourself crazy thinking like that, ok," Jess said, once again interrupting her.

"I know, I just can't stop," she said quietly. "You know you sometimes get reckless when you're really angry," she continued.

"I…" he began, but she looked up at him sternly and he stopped.

"You know it's true," she said, looking at him. "And if something had happened yesterday it'd have been my fault."

"Don't say that," he protested. "Nothing happened, and even if it had, it would not have been your fault, ok."

"It still feels that way," she mumbled. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, staring down at her hands. "For yesterday, for the past month…"

"Yeah, me too," he said, equally quiet.

"We should probably have started here, right?" she asked.

"Probably," he agreed and looked over at her with a small smirk. "But what's the fun in that?"

"Right," she smiled back. "Though I'm not sure this is supposed to be fun."

"Huh, and here I thought the whole point of a fight was to make up afterwards," he smirked at her and she couldn't help but laugh.

They smiled at each other and she reached down to take his hand in hers, entwining their fingers. "We really need to talk though," she said, serious again.

He looked down at their now joined hands and nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"Yesterday was…" she began, but couldn't figure out how to describe it and trailed off.

"Bad?" he offered.

"Well, for lack of better word, yeah," she agreed. "It started good though," she added quietly.

"Yeah, it did," he nodded.

"God, I'm so sorry, for forgetting about that dinner, for assuming you'd be free, for the way I've been acting this past month, for…"

"Hey, breathe, ok," he interjected, looking at her and squeezed her hand.

"No, I…" she began, but he cut her off again.

"Rory, stop!" he said sternly, searching for her eyes.

"But, I…" she tried again. This time she was stopped by him kissing her.

"Will you just be quiet for a while?" he said when he pulled back.

She looked at him, stunned, and nodded slowly.

"Look, I'm sorry I yelled at you, I'm sorry I left and I'm sorry I've been a bit preoccupied lately," he said, holding her gaze. "And I know you're sorry too, but repeating it isn't going to change anything. Ok?"

"Ok," she said quietly.

"Good," he said, smirking at her. "So…how do we avoid making a scene among people in the future?" he asked seriously.

"We should talk once in a while even when we don't think we have the time," she said, a small smile on her lips. "And I promise to listen in the future."

"Sounds good." He leaned in to kiss her again. "I hate fighting with you," he mumbled against her lips, looking into her eyes.

"Yeah, me too," she whispered and kissed him back.

"We'll have less to do in a week, think we can last that long?" he asked, pulling back a little.

"Let's hope," she smiled and reached her hand up to his cheek, stroking the light stubble on it. "You forgot to shave this morning."

"I was a bit preoccupied," he smirked and caught her hand in his.

She nodded a little, moving as close as she could and kissed him again, closing her eyes. Then she suddenly broke away, looking at him curiously. "Do you think there's something about the end of spring that makes us go crazy?" she asked.

"Huh, what?" he asked, confused.

"I mean, yesterday wasn't the first time we did stupid things around this time of year."

"Oh?" he said, nodding a little.

"Yeah well, I went to Washington, you left for California and then there was my dorm…" she looked up quickly, scanning his face, "and what happened after that," she added uncomfortably. "Then I stole a boat and dropped out of Yale and last year I completely freaked out."

"I guess I'll have to keep an eye on you next year then," he smirked at her, "make sure you don't go out and jump off a cliff or something."

She glared at him and he chuckled a little before kissing her again.

So…that was that. I know some people were hoping for a more…graphic make up… But I didn't want it here. Maybe I'll save that for a later chapter. ;) Anyway, tell me what you think and make me happy.