Okay, so, this one is the montage chapter OF my montage chapters. I think it's really the only one. This is one of two prompts a friend gave me months ago to work in. I told her I thought it likely that Loki had anxiety issues, at least as a kid. She asked what I thought that would even look like.
Anyways, ages for this one are AT OLDEST 10/12. I think.
TLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTL
When he'd been very small, Loki had laughed and danced and shouted. He would shove and wriggle his way into the center of Frigga's vision. Nothing, it seemed, besides his brother, had made him happier than to have her attention and to make her laugh.
And when Thor had begun to grow more quiet and to draw away from her, she had not minded much. Loki had still wanted her attention. When Thor would disappear, Loki would be in her rooms, sulking at first, upset to have been left behind by his brother, but it would never last long.
It never failed to surprise her, in those days, how much noise Loki could make. He would clatter and run and throw things and a day didn't pass that he hadn't knocked some thing down as he flew through the halls. Not an hour passed that he did not spring out from behind some door or drop down from some rafter to surprise a person.
She did not recall Thor being such a problem. But, perhaps that had been because Thor had preferred to spend his energy out of doors.
Part of the cause of his common illnesses made itself known when his magic manifested. Neither she nor Eir had ever seen it come in such power. And after it had shown itself and regulated to a level she could help him to control, she'd thought she had nothing more to worry over. Surely his magic could only help him as he grew. It could be his the way Thor's power belonged to Thor. They would balance and support one another. It was beautiful in its symmetry.
But Loki did not grow as she had expected. And she did not know why.
It started slowly, with little things that she barely would have noticed but for hindsight.
Hours, when she knew he had been with her, but he had been so silent that she had forgotten him, and he had slipped away, all unnoticed.
Evenings, when he did not care to share with her the places he had been, or tales of what he had done.
Days, when he refused to leave the palace, even when Thor begged him, with no quarrel existing between them.
Times, when he would come to sit with her in her rooms or in her garden. He would not talk. Sometimes he brought a book, but he would not read it.
They were not so uncommon, in their parts.
The first time she truly suspected something was wrong, was when he refused to go out for his lessons. Her first thought was that he was trying to emulate his brother.
The next day, when his refusal remained, she became worried.
He wouldn't come when she sent for him.
Wearily, Frigga got up and went to his rooms. Tapping lightly on his door, she pushed it open. He was sitting cross-legged on his bed, his head turned to the window and a pensive look on his face.
She knew better than to begin with pleasantries.
"What is it you hide from?" she asked, sitting beside him and ruffling a hand through his dark hair. She wondered if perhaps the children were unkind, or the masters.
She expected perhaps a smile, or some admission. Loki gave neither. He wouldn't look at her and he only shrugged.
Frowning, she touched his forehead.
"I'm not sick," he shrugged her off more roughly than she'd expected. "I just don't want to go."
Hesitantly, she drew her hand back, "Do you have reason, Loki?"
He pressed his lips together.
"Loki," she said, softly, "I cannot help you if I do not know –"
"I don't know!" he shouted.
She blinked at him, startled as he seemed to shrink back in on himself.
"I'll just go," he mumbled. He started to move off the bed.
"Loki," she said. She caught his shoulder and he looked at her with his eyes very green in his face. His expression was utterly blank, and she did not know what to make of it. "If something was truly wrong, you would tell me?"
Dropping his gaze to the floor, he nodded his head.
Originally, she set it aside as no more than childish oddities. He was himself again when she saw him later that day, laughing as he chased after Thor.
Sometimes, he would refuse to take meals with others. He would have his dinner alone, in his room. She assumed it was only a childhood whim, and one that would do no harm, odd thought it was. It was only when he began to lose his badly needed weight that she became alarmed. Not wanting to upset him, she asked Thor what they did for their midday meal, which was taken when the boys were out at their lessons.
He shrugged and said that he didn't know. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Loki eat with them.
Frigga frowned.
Loki began to ask if he might go to lessons without his brother.
Frigga was startled by it.
It seemed only yesterday that Loki had sulked to be overlooked by Thor.
She did not know what to make of it, so she told him that she would consider it.
"Thor," Loki insisted, "We have to go,"
"I'll be along in a moment."
Loki was practically vibrating with energy. "We're going to be late."
Thor dismissed him. "I said I'd be along."
Pressing his lips together, Loki did not say anything more. He looked away, and his face was very blank.
As they left, Frigga heard Thor laughing, "What's gotten into you?"
Looking after them, she saw Thor jostle him and Loki shove him off. He didn't smile, and he didn't raise his eyes from the ground.
Loki's reluctance to leave his rooms and interact as he had troubled her. She mentioned it to Odin that afternoon, and Odin brought it up during the evening meal. "Your mother tells me you are reluctant to attend lessons with your brother," he addressed Loki.
Loki had not expected that. His expression wavered, flickering to show something almost fearful before being covered again, hurriedly more blank.
It was so fleeting, that Frigga had only noticed it because she was watching. She wondered briefly what else she might have missed.
"No," Loki said. He didn't look up from his plate.
"Then your mother was mistaken?"
"Of course she was mistaken!" Thor said indignantly. He turned on her, "Why would you think such a thing?"
Frigga did not answer, but met his eyes and watched as some kind of understanding settled behind them.
Then she looked past him.
"Maybe because you're always making us late?" Loki suggested, waspishly.
"Well if you want to get there so quickly," Thor rounded on him, scowling, "why don't you go by yourself?"
"Or because you're loud, and you draw every eye in the palace?"
"Then you don't have to hear about my exploits. You know what?" Thor slammed his hands down against the table, "Why don't you go by your little creeping tunnels. The no one will have to look at you."
"Thor!" Frigga said.
Odin stood, "That's enough."
He said it quietly, but it was sufficient to still both boys.
Odin looked first at one, then the other, and then, very slowly, he took his place again.
"Now," he said, "Loki. I had thought to wait and keep you both together, but if you would rather take private instruction, such may be arranged."
Loki was looking at his plate. After a long moment, he gave his head a slight shake.
Frigga put out her hand and touched the back of his.
He pulled his hand away. "I'd rather not change anything," he murmured, glancing quickly at his father, "though I thank you."
Thor scoffed.
Frigga hushed him.
The accidental crashes about the palace ceased, mainly because Loki did not leave his rooms. He drew into himself and he read his books.
Frigga did not make much of it. Instead of waiting for him to visit her in her rooms, she went to his. She would bring a book and her work, and she had Loki read to her. He would grumble, rolling his eyes and muttering to himself, but there was a lightness to it that she didn't often see from him elsewhere, these days. She ignored his grumbling and she continued to come.
Once, when she knocked, she did not receive answer. She tapped again, and when there was still no reply, she pressed the door slowly open. "Loki?"
He hadn't heard her coming. He whirled with his eyes huge in his face.
For one moment, she only looked at him with one hand flown to her mouth. Shock had stolen her tongue and she almost wanted to laugh. Finally, "Loki," she managed, "what have you done?"
That broke the spell. Gulping a breath, he tried to hide all of his head and face in his hands.
"Your hair…" she started.
"Don't look at me!"
"Darling," she softened. "Come here,"
Backing to a chair by his door, she sat down.
Loki came up in front of her, and he took the hands she offered him.
For one long moment, she looked at him.
He looked at the floor next to her foot.
She traced her thumbs along the backs of his hands. "What happened?"
"I want it gone," he whispered. "It's awful."
She traced her fingers through the ends of his hair. He'd tried to make it blonde. As it was now, it was a blotchy mess, part blonde, and part his own natural black. Sections did not appear to know what color they were intended to be.
"It is," she agreed.
He looked at her a little sharply, his eyes wet with tears. He tried to laugh as she smiled at him, but then the tears won out and in an abrupt move he'd crashed against her.
"Shh," she hugged him.
She had him kneel down next to her so she could better reach.
He dropped forward onto her lap and hid his face in his arms.
Quietly, she worked the streaked mess of his hair back to its natural color.
When it was done, she tapped his shoulder.
Taking a shuddering breath, he straightened.
"There," she tapped the end of his nose with one finger the way that had always made him laugh as a little boy, "Handsome as ever." She took both his hands again, "And, what is more, a good bit wiser, I think."
"I'm sorry Amma," he murmured.
"No harm done," she said.
A thousand small changes, a thousand small episodes. All so small that she did not know their true significance. By the time she'd noticed his anxieties, they had gotten to a point that she did not know how to help it. When pressed for explanation, Loki shouted or he cried. And the outbursts only made him more ashamed and miserable.
She learned not push him. She continued to go, offering him her teaching, her company. She didn't know what else to do for him.
Hopefully, it would pass.
TLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTL
If you like things chronological and you've been reading my updates of this and 'Little Lion Man' as I've released them, chapter 9 of 'In the End' would fall somewhere near the end of this one.
