Still not completely happy with this but here goes...
Ch5: Post Umbara
The force rose. A tempest of pain doubt and uncertainty. It lashed this way and that as he entered it, the galaxy though majestic bleaker in his eyes then it had ever been. Darkness loomed at the edges of fate somewhere yet elusive. He attempted to grasp at it only for it to slip away as it had always these last few years. Something foreboding something dark something that he felt powerless to stop. And yet was not every shift in the force its own will? He basked in the tendrils of light but his own emotions clouded his communion.
To say General Koon was displeased with what he had seen was an understatement. He had known something was amiss the moment he had felt his Commander's presence in the force fluctuate and plummet. Commander Wolffe may have claimed nothing was amiss but Koon didn't need to speak with his Commander to know that something had been wrong. He had had his reservations with the Besalisk Jedi Master and his concerns upon the high list of clone casualties the General repeatedly reported in but it had never even crossed his mind that the General could be purposely discarding the men under him. He had not wanted to believe not dared to. But after the display he had witnessed he understood how it was the Jedi Masters losses surmounted to such a high. He had spoken to Sinker and several other officers upon what had occurred and their reports were troubling as was the holo recording of what had occurred on the bridge.
The scene he had walked into did not just startle him it incensed him. The disturbance he felt only increasing after he saw the recording of the bridge and the rough and cruel display of the force the Jedi Master had unnecessarily used. For a Jedi Master to so candidly threaten another life form an innocent life form was unheard off, and to threaten with the penalty of death and torture of another simply because they would not approve of a suicide deployment? He rose from his meditation. He was too disturbed by the events to make any headway it was better for him to wait it out and walk it off. The force would commune with him when he found his center once more. He paced the length of his chamber trying to understand how it was this could all have been avoided. But in the end all was the will of the force and all could be attributed to the Jedi themselves and their hesitance to recall from battle, those Jedi that became unqualified to lead because of the loss of a balanced mind. They were Jedi but if the war had proven anything it was that even Jedi were not infallible. He paused midstride as his comm rang. "Comet."
"General. The Jedi Council is ready to speak with you."
"Thank you Comet." He made his way briskly to the conference room his frown only deepening as he felt the fear of the men who scurried about. The force wrapped around the ship in a cocoon of hesitancy and uncertainty. Though thank the force most of the men seemed generally at ease with his presence he could still feel the tendrils of doubt and seeds of fear that festered in them. Trauma like this could linger, it could fester it could breed fear and all these feelings could dehumanize what little respect the clones had begun attributing to themselves. He waved the doors open sealing them behind himself as he joined Pong Krell by the holodisplay of those present. He centered himself, Pong Krell's actions were those of a very disturbed individual. This did not forgive his shortcomings but the war could harm and unbalance even the best of them. And Pong Krell was no Council member.
"Master Koon, hear I disturbing things, hmmm?"
"Indeed. I find General Krell's actions most disturbing."
"Really? I find his actions complimentary." The sharp and nasal voice of the Supreme Chancellor grated out. Plo Koon's eyes narrowed though no doubt the Chancellor could not see nor feel it but he was not pleased at all. "General Krell assaulted my Commander, Chancellor. He would have him executed on the bridge by his own men with no trial. Actions such as these are not actions of a stable individual."
"They refused a direct order during a military operation!" General Krell frowned folding his arms across his form as his displeasure permeated the air about him. "If that is not grounds for treason we might as well give the Republic to the Seperatists."
"I am surprised you did not allow your Commander to be executed Master Koon. I understand that Jedi do not kill unless highly necessary but we cannot take insubordination lightly. It is quite clear to me that there is only one way to go about this." The supreme Chancellor appeared mildly concerned at the prospect of the insubordination. Or perhaps it was at the prospect of the men not being executed. It was hard to tell with the man just as much as he found it hard to read the man's intentions. Though just like any politician no doubt the Chancellor would choose whatever side should bring him more prestige and power. That was how it always was despite the kind demeanors most senators if not all played the game. And they played it well.
Plo Koon was not one to lose his cool but he could not hold back the sharpened inflection to his tone. "The Commander was under my direct orders to not intervene. As a member of the Council my orders supersede any other Jedi Masters save the orders of Master Yoda and the will of the Jedi Council. The Council itself approved of my continued negotiations despite a rogue element of the separatists breaking the ceasefire. The Commander was under orders not to engage the enemy and he did not. I see no grounds for insubordination here."
The revelation had little effect on the Chancellor but Master Yoda seemed to frown as he mulled over what he had said. "What say you for yourself, Master Krell?"
"I acted as I thought best, the Separatists broke the ceasefire. A retaliation was in order."
"But acted against the Council you did. Know this you did."
"I acted for the best of the Republic."
"He is right Master Yoda." The Supreme Chancellor interjected before Plo Koon was able to make it clear that Krell's tactics had not been for the best of the Republic in the least. "We cannot after all blame the Jedi Master for supporting the Republic so zealously. He did lose all his men after all it is only natural for a wish to return the favor."
"Perhaps but vengeance, not the Jedi way it is. Return to the Jedi Temple you will."
"I understand Master Yoda. But General Krell was an exemplary Jedi Master. Surely he could receive another chance to prove himself. Why I have just the planet. Has Skywalker not been just recalled from the battle in Umbara? The casualties are quite high and the heavy fire the Grand Army of the Republic is under is troubling indeed. I hear even Master Kenobi is having trouble making the ground assault. Perhaps sending Master Krell as a temporary replacement could be benefit to both parties."
"I do not think that would be wise." Plo Koon interjected his frown only deepening. "His treatment of the men under my command is questionable. His suggested strategy was no better than a suicide run. I initiate a motion to examine Jedi Master Pong Krell and suggest he be suspended until further examination is complete."
"Troubling this is, but necessary a Jedi Master on Umbara is."
"Well then we have an arrangement. I look forward to hearing of how it goes." The Chancellor ended his transmission leaving the three Jedi Masters to themselves.
"More to say I sense you do."
"He was ready to send good men to their deaths. His tactics are highly questionable as are his motives."
"My actions were for the good of the Republic Master Koon. I admit I may have gotten carried away with my response to the situation however it stands that I had a right to land an incursion in retaliation."
"Clouded the force is, but needed on Umbara a Jedi Master is. Proven himself in the past Master Krell has. Prove himself he may again."
Plo Koon wanted to argue further but he felt the Grand Masters answer through the force and knew it could not be swayed. Not when the Chancellor himself had suggested it and not when it rang true in the force that the Jedi Master had once been a great asset to the Jedi temple. He searched the force only to be left with a lack of answers, the emptiness in the force looming like a foreboding darkness. Strange he had never felt it so concentrated before. He turned only to find that he had been left to himself with Master Yoda the Besalisk Master having left while he had communed briefly with the force. The two Council members remained in silence each with their own thoughts until at length the Grandmaster broke the silence.
"Cut short Master Skywalker's stay will be. Know make the decision lightly I do not. Send all evidence of what transpired to the Council you shall, recalled Master Krell immediately will be, after return to Umbara Skywalker does."
-0-0-0-
The first time Wolffe awoke it was on the operating table. Pain, white lights glared blearily into his eyes as did the heavy nauseating smell of antiseptic. White haze touched at the edges of his senses as he felt a distinct something made of metal probe at something, something that felt deeper then skin. Cold panic shot through his senses as he felt hands probing at his inner flesh. He stilled himself as best he could incoherent voices speaking faintly as he lifted his head ever so slightly eyes widening at the blood and exposed organs. The gloved hands ceased probing suddenly as he fell back down hands gripping the sides of the table trying hard to keep his breathing steady as pain slowly began to filter through, numbness receding.
An alarmed face floated into view. Coric, his clone generic cut bore a thick streak of dyed hair a little aways from the center towards the right, a deep dark blue hue. Coric was saying something but everything was a haze. Pain shot suddenly through him and he gripped the table tighter only to have the medic float out of view. He could hear yelling and the bleeping of monitors in the background and then just as suddenly the noises became murky he felt something plastic over his mouth. He sucked at the anesthetic air greedily the white haze gathering and sinking him into a warm darkness.
-0-0-0-
The second time he awoke he felt like kriff. He startled into wakefulness his insides screaming. He turned his head ever so weakly only to have Coric shoot up from a half lounge off the chair pulled up to his bedside.
"Wolffe kark it I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! Do you remember anything? Anything?"
"There…there was a lot of blood…" His voice cracked from dehydration. Blood and pain and organs…
"Kriff it! I wasn't sure how much meds to use. I didn't want to pump you up with too much but the operation took a lot longer than I thought. You had severe internal bleeding!"
"Alive now aren't I?" He gritted out the words and tried to think past the pain as Coric said something else but he found that for a moment or so he couldn't concentrate a sharp ringing in his ears.
"Wolffe?"
"What's my condition?" Coric stiffened at the question swallowing and looking away briefly before meeting his eyes. Not good then, he braced himself for the run down.
"Three clean rib breaks, four rib fractures. Several ruptured veins and arteries…I could give you a list if you want one Commander… its rather long…" Coric had his data pad before him reverting to his medic mode. Normally Wolffe would have gone through a rundown of the whole thing but he was having trouble even thinking straight. Everything felt raw to his senses. He could feel haze at the edges of his vision the bright glare of the white sterile room, the jarring pain as if his insides as if they had been ruffled through and then put back in the wrong order.
"Kriff it skip to the post operation questionnaire." Coric nodded tensely.
"Where do you feel pain."
"Abdomen."
"Where?"
"Kriff everywhere. Coric, can…can you knock me out…" To say he couldn't breathe was an understatement. It was easier to say what didn't hurt then what did at this point.
"You've been on a lot of meds, and in operation for a standard eleven hours. I've pumped you full twice. I don't want to kark up your liver and kidneys."
"Please…Coric…I'll make it an order." The medics eyes widened in alarm and though the both of them new as the senior medical officer Coric had the last say the Commander never blatantly went against protocol. The two had a struggle of wills but to Wolffe the answer didn't much matter. The alternative was he'd pass out from the agony. The pain must have shown on his face because several moments later Coric's worried face floated into his view as the darkness of pain began licking at the edges of his senses.
"Alright." He bit back a whimper of pain but it came out anyway followed by labored panting. He grimaced both in pain and at his display of weakness only to find a warm hand grasp his own. "It'll be fine Commander, you'll be fine." A mask was slipped over his mouth but as Coric spoke and their eyes met Wolffe was sent wondering whether Coric was trying to convince him or himself. He gave Coric's hand a strong a squeeze as he could muster before the comforting haze of white took him from his pain.
-0-0-0-
The third time he awoke everything came back to him. The torture, Krell, the negotiations. He shot up as the sudden onslaught of memories receded only to fall back faintly a dull pain jarring his sides; he was going to be sick. Someone hovered over him.
He forced his eyes open weakly expecting to see the concerned face of his General only to see Coric pulling a thermal blanket back over him eyes full of worry.
"How are you feeling Commander?"
He swallowed his mouth parched as Coric scrutinized him. Something was off in the air. It made him uneasy. "I've had worse." His voice cracked badly, he swallowed thickly attempting to clear his throat. A cup was brought to his lips and he pushed himself up on an elbow allowing Coric to assist him and drank the warm liquid. He fell back after a moment the action having completely drained him. "What, what happened?" Panic raw fear gripped at him. General Koon why wasn't he here? He was always there when he awoke and the General was nothing if not consistent. What was wrong?
"I was called up when General Koon got back to the ship. Kriff you looked like sithhells when I got to you. I wasn't sure what that lunatic did but when I saw the holo…" Coric trailed off swallowing uneasily. "Kriff it Wolffe you're insane did I ever tell you that? You've got a loose wire in there somewhere. You just barely survived that bald Sith harpy what were you thinking going up against Krell?"
The memories were still sharp in his mind and truth be told he wasn't ready to confront what had occurred. Perhaps later when he wasn't still on meds his head clearer. "How are the men. Where…where's the General."
"Honestly? Their more high strung then Khorm. The General is still meditating…he's been at it for hours now."
"That bad?"
"What were you expecting Wolffe! Some Jedi went Dooku on us! Kriff it you nearly died! "
"What happened to General Krell was he court martialed?"
"No…he was redeployed to Umbara."
"Sweet Force what?!"
"Easy there Commander! Commander! Wolffe calm down! It'll be alright everything will be alright! Wolffe!" But he couldn't calm down. Cody kriff Cody was on Umbara. He shuddered cold sweat beading his brow as a lightsaber bore down taking more than just an eye off the face. But when he looked more clearly on the decapitated head he saw that it wasn't him but Cody lying motionless on the metal floors of the bridge. He rebelled against the thought as somewhere in his peripheral monitors screeched in warning. He heard voices and more ringing and more voices before a mask came down on his face.
"Kriff it Wolffe I'm so sorry."
Those were the last words he heard before he was put under.
-0-0-0-
It was a good three days before Coric announced him well enough to leave the medward. He took the liberty of requesting his armor. The plates felt heavier on his shoulders then he remembered so he opted for his uniform instead. He stood before the mirror in the bathroom connected to his room hand running over the haunted face he saw.
He'd lost weight. Too much of it to be good. The scar on his face appeared more pronounced his eye glassier the pupil dilated as if he were still high on adrenals. He'd need to shave in a few but perhaps the five o'clock stubble could be kept for a week or so. He felt if he took it off now the gauntness would be too off putting for him. But despite how sickly he looked on the outside his mind was worse, far far worse. He gripped the edges of the sink not willing to look at his face as his mind struggled with the news that came in from Umbara not even a day ago.
Waxer was dead. He swallowed thickly as he downed a cup of water wishing it were something far stronger. Waxer and Hardcase and force knows how many more men. They weren't his men. But they were still his brothers. The Jedi were wise. They were powerful, they knew everything didn't they? So how could they allow someone as unstable as Krell be deployed into the hellhole that was Umbara. He'd seen the report. The numbers were staggering. It was worse than the incursion on Dorin. Worse than Khorm. Hells nearly even worse than Geonosis and that had been bad.
He remained in this way for a few more moments before pushing himself back up. It had been days since he'd seen General Koon. They had been redeployed while he was still recovering. He'd did what he could with what time he had had but he was under for a good portion of that time. He could grieve later. When the battle was won. He brushed several unruly strands of hair into place before making his way to the bridge.
-0-0-0-
It had been three days but the bridge was just as silent. Here and there an officer would crack a joke but for the most part an eerie silence permeated the bridge. He took his place at the war table his hands brushing through a set of new stimulations. Most of the men looked up to his position briefly before returning to their work. Several mouthed their relief on his recovery in low undertones. He could all but taste the tension in the air. He let out a sigh as he waved away the water to land incursion simulation. They still had forty eight standard hours before initial contact. It would be best to work out the situation on deck before it got any worse and affected the overall performance in the battle to come. He'd seen men throw themselves in the path of blaster fire. They'd done it from loss of comrades a loss of a will to live or the sheer exhaustion of having to fight what seemed to them a never ending battle. It hadn't been his men but regardless of the General they served under they were his brothers. "Comet. Walk with me."
The man in question gave a nod in assent albeit hesitantly. It took several moments with Comet passing off his station before they stepped out. They walked several paces outside the bridge before he broke the silence.
"What's going on?"
"Sir."
"Drop the formalities Comet. What's going on? Where's the General? Why are the men so tense?"
"I'm, I'm not sure what's going on. No one is. General Koon's been in his rooms meditating for days. After Coric took you to the medbay General Koon was called in to speak with the Council. We had a small skirmish with the separatists on Alderaan but after three aerial bombardments it was clear that there was barely a presence of seppies left on the planet. We did a full sweep following the third simulation protocol as directed by General Koon and sent them packing. We sustained minimal causalities. I wanted to get in contact with the General to find out our next position of deployment but he'd already passed his Command over to Sinker and that was the last we heard from him."
"I see, who did Sinker cycle command with."
"Me and Boost sir, I ran the comm chatter channels Boost focused on any skirmishes which we had none off but he still ran the standard sweeps. By the time the Council called in again for a debriefing Sinker was already up and you were back so he deferred to your command on the situations as they came. When you were lucid I mean." Wolffe couldn't restrain a chuckle at that but the chuckle ended all too soon as two solemn troopers crossed their path making their way to the bridge. His faced smoothed into a thin frown tugging at the edges of his lips at the lack of banter and general liveliness that he'd grown accustomed to.
"Thank you Comet, return to your post and tell the men everything is fine."
Comet stilled his face slackening into grief as he looked up at Wolffe. "Commander…about Waxer and the 212's."
Wolffe swallowed steadying himself against one of the metal walls of the ships hallways at the sudden dizziness he felt. "What about them?"
"The men… they wanted to hold a parting salute. We're not sure if it's appropriate sir…" Comet politely pretended to ignore Wolffe's moment of weakness and Wolffe was thankful for it. "I'll…I'll speak with General Koon. Have the men hold a moment of silence for the fallen. Maybe after the coming incursion we can arrange a salute."
"Yes sir, thank you sir." Comet saluted briefly before making his way towards the bridge. Wolffe straightened into a casual military pose and made his way to the General's meditating chamber. He paused at the entrance waiting for the door to slide open.
He swallowed as he crossed the threshold into the spacious room beyond. Plo Koon sat crossed legged in a meditative trance. The air was heavily charged but he stood at attention respectfully as he waited for the General to open his eyes.
When he did so he spoke. "Commander. It is good to see you walking about."
"Thank you General." He felt a slight sting at his General breaking tradition and not visiting him when he was in the medbay. However it was not a General's prerogative to do so and so he clamped down on the feeling.
"If I may I believe it best for morale if you appeared before the men sir. They are uneasy at the uncertain lack in chain of command." The General seemed to frown at his words.
"Do you truly think they need the presence of a Jedi at this very point in time, Commander?" He glanced out the viewport at the galaxy beyond before glancing back at the general his mind made up.
"I do indeed sir. I understand General Krell may have caused some fear and uncertainty within the ranks but I assure you Sir the men would be glad to have you back.
"You are so sure of this Commander?"
"If I may be so bold sir General Krell was no Jedi. A man is not just his title, a man is his actions. The Council may have not formally declared him a renegade prior to the incursion on Umbara but the men know no real Jedi would act in such an unbecoming manner."
"Your optimism is refreshing Wolffe, however you must know not every Jedi Master believes as I do. For some clones are merely a means to an end. It is unfortunate that some think in this however I am not under the misapprehension that the clones are unaware of such a thing."
"Perhaps, but there have been clone deserters that does not make all clones deserters. With all due respect General as powerful as the force is and as powerful as the Jedi are is it not possible that you are sentient life forms as well?" Because while his General did seem invincible with his power at times, wise beyond measure, and kind beyond comprehension he had encountered other Jedi. And they seemed human to him, much like the overeager Padawan Tano, and the reckless General Kenobi.
The air seemed to lessen in its intensity. Wolffe saw something akin to a smile cross the Kel Dor's face. "Thank you Commander."
"For what Sir."
"The force works in mysterious ways but at times the answer comes in the most profound and clear manner indeed."
"Sir?"
"It is nothing of concern Wolffe, I believe you wanted to debrief me?"
"Yes sir, of course sir. I have yet to run the simulations however I will give you a rundown of the mission parameters. Is that acceptable?"
"It is indeed Commander though perhaps you should sit, or you may wear yourself out."
"Of course sir."
-0-0-0-
The battle was won. The men stood in silence as they observed the salute. A final send off for the brave men who had perished on the hellhole of a planet called Umbara. Wolffe stood in his crisp white uniform arms folded behind his back in a military pose as he observed the men on the bridge. Most were holding it together. Several were crying freely however, friendship and brotherhood could at times go beyond ones squadron and they did. Many had known the troopers that had died. Drank with them, laughed with them, had grown up together on Kamino before assignment. Death, death was brutal, death was painful, death was cruel and unforgiving.
Wolffe's own eyes were dry as he instinctively held back the tears. There would be a time to cry for the fallen. But he couldn't find it in him to openly weep with others watching. He sighed as the last of the laser display dissolved into the vast emptiness of space and the Galaxy beyond. They had been good men. They had died well.
He stood there on the bridge as long as his will would allow it before he turned. Walking away from the pain he saw, the pain he felt, the pain that tore at him, every death reopening the wound in his heart the wound in his soul. Because sometimes pain had no closure had no comfort. Sometimes pain lingered as it grew festering like a dark seed of doubt and hurt.
-0-0-0-
The darkness that he dreamt off gnawed at his senses. It tore all sense of self away. Cold ice in his veins as he walked the darkened fields of Umbara twisted in nightmares of blaster fire and carpet bombings. He ran through the field his blaster pistols at the ready shooting at the dark shadows that ran from cover to cover from tree to tree. The heavy fire intensified and he was left pinned down under the heavy artillery and bombardment of the AT-AT's that shot periodically at his own cover missing badly but shaking the ground with intensity as they did so.
He heard the screams of the Tiefighters coming in for another round of aerial bombardment. A shell went off and he was suddenly propelled into the air shrapnel shredding through his armor cutting at his flesh sending spikes of agony through his stomach. A spike of adrenaline rushed through him as he just barely rolled into cover shooting at the enemy forms as he advanced. A shadow cornered him from behind. He shot at it as it grabbed his blaster pistol missing wildly. Wasting no time he kicked his knee into the shadows midriff breaking ribs as he did so. His left blaster found an expanse of space and he shot at the exposed stomach in a point blanc, the red heat of his blaster leaving a gaping hole in the man's abdomen. His eyes widened as he pulled his pistol away the shadow shifting and changing in his arms as it grasped his shoulders shaking in pain.
"Commander."
His eyes widened as the figure now clad in white blue grey trooper armor shakily removed his helmet the telltale insignia of the Wolff pack etched on it and his pauldrons.
"Sinker?"
"Sweet force!" His eyes widened as blood trickled from the corner of Sinker's mouth. He tried to ease him to the ground only to find the forest of Umbara littered with other troopers all wearing the fierce Wolff pack insignia. Their forms all twisted in pain and agony. Their deaths all varying yet all violent. He fell to his knees with Sinker in his arms fear jolting through his senses as he felt an intense heat at the nape of his neck.
He turned his head ever so slightly only to see the brilliance of a blue lightsaber. He swallowed thickly as his eyes sought the owner.
"General?" Shock raw and cold mixed with fear and the intense agony of loss as General Koon towered above him the fields all littered in bodies and what had been violent deaths from AT-AT fire were now deaths carved out at the mercy of a lightsaber.
"You have failed me Commander." His eyes widened as the lightsaber swung. The heat burned his face, burned his prosthetic burned his once good eye. Carving a line of fire into his face.
He awoke in hot and cold sweat shooting up in his bed as his hand probed his face, felt the prosthetic probing at it the eye burning in his flesh as if it had been just implanted but hours ago. His eyes sought the dark expanse of his room and he shuddered a breath as his eyes caught the viewport and the galaxies that were beyond. He evened his breathing as he gazed at the shimmering lights the images of his mind receding as he finally convinced himself that all he had been witness to was just a dream.
His eyes found the chrono, it had been but three hours since he'd closed his eyes for some rest and already his mind was torturing him. He pulled himself up feeling at his damp shirt plastered to his skin as he peeled it off. Making his way to the shower he stripped off the rest of his clothing allowing the scalding hot water of the bath to sooth away his nightmares. All too quickly however the burning hot water reminded him of the heat at the nape of his neck and that which loomed over his face ready to remove his last remaining eye. He changed the settings sharply to a warm drizzle leaning against the shower wall as he did so and crossing his arms across his chest.
For a nightmare that one had been rather short and more to the point then he'd have liked. He was afraid. He'd had thought the fear of a lightsaber would have receded by now. His General was no threat after all and would ever hurt him in that way. Or would he? He had never thought a Jedi would be capable of the cruelty and hate General Krell had displayed and yet it was so. And even after all that General Krell had done Dogma was still in Republic custody. And with good reason from the Senates point of view. No matter how bad the Jedi they were still Jedi and clones were still clones. The hearing would occur but Dogma's career looked bleak. They wouldn't execute him publicly that would be too much. But Wolffe didn't doubt for one moment that there was a possibility that Dogma would be declared unfit for duty or worse yet sent for reconditioning which every clone knew by now meant silent execution.
His fist clenched as he studied his open palm after unclenching it. General Koon would never hurt him or the men but if anything happened to General Koon there was a high chance they would get a Jedi who just didn't care. But even so what was stopping General Koon from turning. Hadn't Count Dooku turned? And he'd been on the Jedi Council. He remained in his pose allow the water wash over him as his mind returned to the battle of Umbara and what had occurred there.
To think that brother was pitted against brother. That he could one day be misinformed in such a way that he was shooting at his own men. He could understand war; he could understand tactics and battle but treachery. This was a new phase to the war. One he was beginning to wish he had never been privy to though he knew that knowing of it now gave him an edge small as it was. He sighed at length, he was clean, no use in wasting good water even if it was mostly recycled.
Turning of the faucets he was back in uniform within the next few minutes taking his time to gauge whether the small scruff on his face was still acceptable. He found that it was as it was still mostly a five o'clock shave but he'd have to trim it if he wanted to keep it for the next two weeks while he regained whatever weight he'd lost. It was taking him longer this time but he couldn't blame his body. He'd been too busy running the battle to eat more than several ration bars and though those things filled you up they weren't exactly meant for body building.
He was also cutting back heavily on the meds and feeling more light headed than usual. He hadn't realized how much he'd began relying on the white haze that came with being kriffed up on meds. That wasn't good. He wondered whether he should be reporting this to Coric. The man was now also monitoring the psychological state of those troopers under him along with his other brothers that too served under him as medical personal. But if he did report it there was a high chance that Coric would start monitoring him even more closely and while Wolffe didn't mind being monitored he would mind it greatly if Coric began keeping an exceedingly close eye on him and force him to cut back even more on the meds.
He made his way back to his room. Another thirty minutes had passed on the chrono. He had four or so more hours to go till his official rotation. No really now that he thought about it he had no official rotation. It was a touch and go for the most part and though he wasn't expected on the bridge for another good hour or so he found that he wasn't quite sure what to do with his time. He'd taken out a datapad on one of the older galactic wars trying to see if any of the tactics could be reimplemented but after the dreams of death and general exhaustion he wasn't sure he could stomach any more deaths and the wars of old had death in plenty. The strategies gave him some ideas of his own though and as he looked out the viewport leaning against the side wall he wondered how the galaxy would look like to him had he lived several thousand years ago. And how it would look like were he not a clone. He wasn't interested in marriage or the like per say but still. The average human life span was far longer than that of a clone and he was left wondering what he would miss out for being a clone. His musing lasted a good thirty minutes before he found that he'd been brooding over what had occurred on Umbara.
Pushing himself off the side of the viewport he turned and headed for the barracks. Wondering whether anyone else was having trouble sleeping or whether he should just make his way to the bridge and play guess at the sector they were to be deployed next. With any luck Ever or Jinx would still be up. They kept odd hours at times. Ever because of those holovids he loved watching and Jinx with his datapad reading obsession.
The barracks he entered were near silent. It was mid shift and most of the men in this shift were in their sleeping pods resting. Wolffe walked past the bunks the lights dimmed save one. It was aways in the corner the lowest pod to his left. The trooper in question was slid out of his row. A low light on as he skimmed a datapad propped up on his elbow. Hearing footsteps the man turned and recognizing his Commander he shot up throwing a hasty salute.
"At ease," It was Jinx, the three red teardrops under his right eye and the generic clone haircut giving him away.
"Hey Commander, Sir."
"Just one of those will do." Wolffe folded his arms across his chest leaning against one of the pods. "So what are we reading?"
"Oh these." Jinx chuckled nervously. "Just reg manuals."
"You're joking." Everyone knew that reg manuals were a living hell for troopers. No one just voluntarily read them out of the goodness of their heart.
"No sir. I guess I acquired a taste for them. There kind of useful sir. The reg manuals I mean…" Wolffe inclined his head for the trooper to continue. Clearly he had something on his mind.
"This ones about military protocol. How and when executions are allowed I mean. And whether clones have a right to…" He swallowed nervously biting his lower lip.
"I'm listening."
"Whether we clones have a right to execute our Generals, Sir." Jinx held on to the datapad as if Wolffe were about to confiscate it but he merely frowned trying to keep the worry from his voice.
"Is this about Dogma?"
"Yes sir. He'd never, he'd never do anything against protocol Sir! Everyone knows that! But now…now he's being tried like a criminal! He's done nothing wrong."
"Then he has nothing to fear." Wolffe didn't like where this was going. He himself had thought along the same lines and though he understood the upper workings of politics he also understood that the system didn't care for anything but a semblance of order even if said order was false.
"Who else is reading reg manuals like you Jinx." Jinx swallowed again not meeting his eye.
"Jinx I can assure you're not in trouble. I'm not reporting you to the General or anything like that. Kriff look I just want to know who else is still kriffed up from General Krell. I can't exactly come up and ask everyone you know?"
"Yeah, I know what you mean Sir. I…I'll answer that but you didn't hear it from me alright."
"Don't worry about it Jinx." And Wolffe meant it. They were brothers. Through thick or thin they had each others back.
"Alright." Jinx collapsed onto his bunk pod as if a heavy weight were about to be lifted from his shoulders hands dangling between his legs head drooping. The pose alarmed Wolffe though he didn't say it as he attempted to loosen up his shoulders his body instinctively having bracing itself for what he was about to hear.
"The truth is Sir, we're all still kriffin scared. Kark it when we saw Krell using you like that, when I saw Krell using you like his personal carpet kark I, I hated him. And when he started throwing you around with the force and I…I wasn't there. You may not have seen me but I came in when General Krell called for the troopers to get blasters for your execution. When I saw that lightsaber over your face… when I…when the men lined up to fire at you…I…I couldn't watch! Kark it all Commander. I…I was so scared. I thought he was gonna torture you in front of our eyes and make us watch. I've never seen anything o karked up in my entire life. The room felt so wrong. Everything felt so unreal. When General Koon came in we thought you were done for you know. You don't remember it but I do. You were choking for breath like there was no air around like that time when I saw you after the maintenance pod. And General Krell didn't even look back! He didn't even look back!" Jinx voice was almost hysterical now but he didn't stop. It was as if a damn had been opened and he couldn't stop. "Coric took forever to get there. He didn't know what had happened and even if he had there was only so much time he'd need to get the equipment up to the bridge…and then the General was there. General Koon. He was yelling at you. Kark." Jinx laughed bitterly. "I've never heard him raise his voice like that. He was shaking you telling you to breathe but you weren't listening. You, you just weren't there. Kark it all you were staring right past him, right past all of us. It was so messed up. I can't forget your face, your horrified face. And then he did something. I don't know what with the force. You struggled against it at first but then he did these motions over your chest and you started breathing properly and then you went under."
Wolffe swallowed his eyes full of confusion. "I don't…I don't remember any of that. I remember having trouble breathing and then…and then the General put his hand on my forehead and that was it."
"I don't think you would, you were so out of it. It was after General Krell left. It was like you but not like you. You were like that for a good ten minutes Sir, General Koon did something with the force, he kept telling you to breath but you weren't there and then finally you snapped out of it. He called for the oxygen tank then. We were all so shaken to have thought of that and Koon was so busy trying to get you to snap out of it. You were laughing at something after that. Kark it all you were so out of it."
"What…what happened next." If Wolffe had been worried before worry couldn't express what he was feeling now.
"General Koon knocked you out good with that force technique whatever he did. Then Coric came up. You… you should have seen his face. Kark it I've never seen the kid cry like that before. We were all crying after that when Coric took you away and the shock wore off."
"You know what happened next?" Jinx chuckled weakly. "Sinker. Sinker yelled at General Koon. Stars I've never seen him yell at anyone. You know how he is. He just lost it Commander, you should have seen his face. He was furious. He yelled at the General for abandoning us. For giving us a karked up General. He yelled at him for letting General Krell do what he did to you and for not picking up his damn comm."
"You should have heard him." 'Sweet love of the force could you not take a moment of your time to contact us? Aren't we your pack? Kriff it I thought you cared for us! I thought you cared for Wolffe. But when push comes to shove you don't give a Kriff. Did you even think to contact Wolffe? Check on us maybe? Because while you were down there on Alderaan drinking tea and bowing out formalities Wolffe was trying to keep this lunatic away from us. But you didn't even think for one moment about us did you? It's all about the force for you isn't it? It's alright if we die isn't it?' Wolffe inhaled sharply at the recording Jinx had played.
"Where'd you get that?"
"Easy, the bridge has cam's remember. I had Slice upload it to my holo. Er may have uploaded it…to show to you…but never had the guts I guess, half the crew has the recording. It's top secret though and we all sound the same anyway."
"Kriff it Jinx. This could be grounds for treason."
"Oh Kark it all Commander you didn't even hear the best part."
'Because we're replaceable right? Well guess what so are you cause you know where Jedi come from? There's more of em like Krell. More of you. So your kriffin replaceable too.'
"Kriff." Wolffe's face lost what little color it had as he grabbed the holo from Jinx's hands.
"Commander, Kark, please!"
"Jinx! We need to wipe this from the flagships cams! Are you kriffin insane! If anyone gets wind of this!"
Jinx sprang up face livid. "Kark the rules Commander! You said you wanted to know how bad it was. I told you how bad it was! And now your angry with me!? You know what! Stars! I should've known you'd choose the General!"
"Jinx wait!" But the trooper in question had stormed out in a rage. Wolffe's hand shook as he lifted the holo. Thankfully there were no cams in the barracks to have heard a replay of the holo. This was dangerous. This was exceedingly dangerous. If level headed men like Sinker were losing it he had to speak with the General at once. He had to put a lid on this before the senate or any of the higher ups caught wind of this. He made his way to the General's quarters fear and disbelief marring his senses. His legs felt weak. Kriff it he felt weak. He'd been out for so long he hadn't even known what had happened! And while he'd been busy recovering and trying to fix his kriffed up mind so were the men. Kriff it all. Everything made sense. Everything made so much sense now. Why General Koon had remained in his chambers. Why the General wasn't there when he'd been kriffed up on meds. Even Sinker's avoidant behavior made sense. They were all walking on thin ice, and he'd been left in the dark.
Kriff it all. He tried to refrain himself from pounding on the door. Nearly falling inside when the door slid open only to be steadied by General Koon an arm on his shoulder. "General, Sir!" His General must have felt his agitation as he allowed him inside because the General didn't speak at first. Merely allowed him to collapse cross legged on the floor before himself going up to the viewport and gazing at the stars beyond. The action unnerved Wolffe. As did the holo in his hands. He was losing it. Losing his mind. Losing his Command. Kriff it his men had broken protocol, kriff it all his best man, his second in Command had actual broken protocol to yell at the General. This was bad.
"Wolffe breathe." His head snapped up only to see the General kneeling down beside him a hand on his shoulder. He flinched involuntarily as his eye caught the glint of the lightsaber but thankfully he was able to bring himself to breath properly.
"General, I…" There was just so much to say. His thoughts came a disoriented mess as General Koon rose and settled himself in meditative pose across from him at a distance waiting for him to gather himself. Wolffe steeled himself.
"This holo. What Sinker said. He didn't mean it. The things he said were done so in anger. I know the men are hurting I just didn't realize how shaken they were. But please General don't hold it against him."
He bowed his head as the air stilled dampening in sorrow as the General spoke. "I had thought you of all would know that I understand the pain of the men, Commander."
"I understand sir. Perhaps you would allow such behavior but the Republic does not. We are in its service and speaking out against a superior in such a manner is forbidden. If anyone Sir, and I mean anyone gets wind of this. Sinker could be discharged. So please I beg of you find a way to destroy the recordings."
"I will order it effective immediately Commander."
"Oh Kriff. Oh no…"
"Wolffe?"
"We can't tamper with the recordings. Oh sweet force!"
"Wolffe."
"For Dogma's trial. They will ask for a full seventy two hour surveillance from when General Krell attacked me on the bridge. Oh Kriff it they will see what Sinker has done." Of sweet force above why? The senate would request a recording a full recording of what had occurred so that they could free Dogma or at least officially retire him or whatever the force the senate would do. One never knew these days. But in doing so the senate would see Sinker's condemning speech. And after that the senate would tear Sinker apart if not every clone under his command. Clones didn't speak in that manner to their superiors. If the senate found out that clones could renegade on their General's in such a manner. Darkness it was everywhere and nowhere. It surrounded him as men went to their deaths. Good men his men. It didn't matter what they did. If they strayed from the path they were killed. Whether shot by the separatists in the front or shot by the republic they served in the back. Oh sweet force this was all so wrong.
"Commander. Calm yourself. It is possible to give only a part of the recording. I could speak with the Council on the matter. And the Council in turn will speak with the Supreme Chancellor."
"General with all due respect do you really think the Supreme Chancellor." He bit his tongue eyes searching for any recording device as General Koon's worried gaze pierced him. "You may speak freely here Commander no one will hear you."
"With all due respect General. I…" He swallowed thickly. "Before Umbara, I could believe in anything. But after…kriff Sir, I can't…I can't do this alone! You can't leave me! You can't leave the men! I've never seen Jinx so shaken! Kriff it General! We're soldiers! I know I'm breaking every protocol right now! And have broken so many just by coming here to speak with you but kriff it all these regulations! We're not droids! We live in the Republic! Why can't we speak what we think? You say we can but you'll see. No one cares for us General. When General Skywalker came to save us from Abregado I believed in the Jedi. I believed in the Republic. But with Dogma about to be executed for doing his duty!? Kriff General I'm a Commander not a politician!"
He focused on his breathing. Focused on his first mission. When things had been easy. When your foe was in front of you and you could shoot him with a blaster. He'd never thought of the senate as anything but just. The keepers of peace and order. But now that he thought about it. After every battle fought and every death suffered. After all of this it all came down to Dogma. The one man who would be executed for doing his duty and had every single clone in the entire clone army questioning what it was they were fighting for and who it was they were fighting for. Because he knew the other Commanders were thinking it after they heard what happened on Umbara. He knew what his brothers under those Commanders were thinking because it all came down to one question. Did sentient beings of the Republic, even those that turned separatist have more rights than the clones themselves? He knew the Commanders understood what was going on. They were his brothers, they were bred for this. Because as long as the clones were docile and shooting droids they were heroes. But the moment even one of them took out a sith they were dangerous. They weren't there original creator who was payed for killing. They were pale imitations. And if and when they stepped out of line beurocracy would come and give them a slap on the wrist with several nice executions. Because the men could say anything to their General's in fact what Sinker said could be waived as stress and fear. But if the senate got a hold of it, they would fear the clones. Fear that they were alive. That they had minds of their own. He'd spoken to Fox. Spoken to Thorn. Spoken to the other Commanders and while they, the Commanders were expected to be creative and different everyone else was not. Because the Senate could fathom several individuals running the show. But the moment the clones received individuality they became humanized and then sending them to war became inhumane in their eyes.
The revelation shook him to the core. He found that he couldn't move. Couldn't bother to be moved. Everything was just so numb. So bleak. For all his vast intelligence. For all the information at his disposal he had been so blind. He'd believed in the ideals of the republic like a naïve child. But the truth of the matter was that no one cared about the clones so long as they kept their mouths shut and got the job done.
He found it suddenly very hard for him to breathe, it was much, too much. Every other breath hitched, his breathing breaking of in sharp intervals of agony. He closed his eyes against the pain concentrating on willing his lungs to work for him. A warm hand rested on his shoulder, his eyes snapped open instinctively only to find General Koon kneeling by his side his masked face peering down at him in concern.
"Wolffe. I am sorry for this." And as he gazed at General Koon saddened demeanor he knew his General understood. Had always understood that in the end it could play out this way. "I will speak with the Council Wolffe. I will ensure that the senate sees only what it should see. And I must apologize. I have not done so because I was not sure at the best course of action. Sinker may have spoken in his anger and love for you and the men but when one speaks in anger one often times speaks of what is written in ones very being. Sinker is but one man but he speaks for all the men under my Command. I have failed you Wolffe. I have failed you all and for that I must apologies."
Wolffe's eyes widened as he felt a tear trickle down his good eye. It was a feeling of warmth such as he had never felt before. The feeling was like the brightest of lights in the darkest edges of space. And for all the pain he had endured and all the suffering that he'd seen it was this feeling warmth that filled him. The cold that had always clung to him like a blanket seemed to lessen as the galaxy beyond shone ever brighter. He'd never felt this only seen it with his eyes. Because Boba had a father as had many of his trainers though they did not speak of them. The Kaminoan's too had families strange as they were as did most in the Republic whether they be among the living or the dead. Only the clones had no family. They were shades after all only brothers, shades of a better man. But right here right now he did not feel like a shade. He did not feel like a clone. Because right here right now General Koon filled something inside of him, something that had been missing for a very long time. And though they were not connected by blood they were connected by something more powerful.
He found that despite the tear tracking down his cheek he was warm inside. "I…I forgive you General…I will always forgive you…the men will to. They…they…we…I…" He found that he wasn't able to say it but when the pressure on his shoulder increased he knew he didn't need to. Because in the end of the day General Koon had understood him. Had always understood him. Ever since that day on Kamino that General Koon had chosen his Wolffepack the connection had always been there. He just had never realized it. It all made sense now, his General's constant concern. His ability to somehow always place himself where the fighting was thickest to bring back home the most men. In the end of the day it had always been this way. Because it seemed despite all the rules against attachment General Koon had landed himself with quite a number of men under him. Quite the number of sons.
-0-0-0-
He stood on the bridge running through another set of simulations. The chrono beeped twice and then twice more to get his attention. It was time. He shut of the display with a flick of his fingers before turning to the communications array opening a transmission as the doors to the bridge hissed open General Koon entering for the first time after there last skirmish.
"This is Commander Wolffe. I want all men turning on their holo's wherever on the bridge they may be." With a curt nod he made his way standing behind the General a little to his right as the General folded his hands behind his back nodding to Wolffe to begin the transmission.
"Koto Ya men. I am speaking to you today not as your General, not as your Superior but as a Jedi Master as myself. My actions aboard the Talon were unacceptable. They have been judged and deemed unfit for that of a commanding officer. One is not a General because of title alone. One is a General because he has men willing to follow his actions and his ideals. With my actions I have failed you. I do not expect your forgiveness nor understanding. But know it was not my intent to bring harm or cause pain. You are all my men, my responsibility and I will do what I must to ensure that my men are safe. It is for all of this I give my deepest regrets and apology.
He nodded once at Wolffe and the transmission ended.
-0-0-0-
The Senate would not accept anything less than a full recording. At length the Chancellor convinced the Senate to accept a partial recording. The Republic Court of Military red taped the evidence, giving it a classified status of the highest degree. The proof however was not sufficient. Dogma was dishonorably discharged from the military and placed in permanent Republic custody. No one heard from him after the final verdict was handed out and Dogma was taken out through another door, causing the Commanders to assume the worst, that he'd been executed quickly and silently after the trial. The actions quelled the unrest some of the Senators had caused supporting the brave clone who had fought valiantly against the fallen Jedi. The actions also sent a message to each and every clone out there in the Galaxy. That no matter who you were or what your rank you were a clone and you had your place.
Wolffe watched the news on the holonet. Watched the Senators cheering as the verdict was passed down thinking that their actions had made a difference. But to them every clone had the same face. It was only too easy to fool them into thinking that the clone in question was living somewhere out there. And as the cheering of the Senators died down. Democracy and the Republic died for him with them.
Er ok when I started this ch it was not supposed to go this way but it took on a life of its own and surprisingly built into the rebels canon of why Wolffe only cares about his brothers and no one else. Wolffe's blackout happens before and during the sentence. "Wolffe didn't realize he was having trouble breathing until General Koon shook him." He didn't realize it happened because sometimes the patient remembers things one way when everyone saw that it happened in a different way also when you're in a faint or about to pass out your perception can change about time or what going on. So Wolffe blacked out then his mind drew the subconscious fears of ventress to the surface and then he remembered thinking about ventress and not being able to stop the memories. And yes Wolffe is smart he's figured our rather quickly from the way he found out General Krell was sent to Umbara to the way Dogma is being tried, what the senate thinks on clones. That's what happens when he's not on meds he figures things out. And I have a feeling Fox figured it out to before Palpatine kriffed his mind up.
The whole senate thing. My point is that Umbara was a turning point. It was at that moment when the war became real to the clones. Because now it wasn't just fighting a bunch of droids. It was fighting what you thought was right and what your commanding officer said and claimed to be right. I don't think only Rex's squad suffered after Umbara. I think after Umbra and the news was out every clone realized they could be next. Or this could happen to them. I think that this just as much as Tup's actions caused the clones to realize what a fine line they walked between death from separatist forces death from insanity because of all the ptsd and death from stepping out of line.
Seriously tell me what you think! Reviews are much loved and much appreciated:)
