Chapter 6: The Love Dilemma

"Love taught me to die with dignity that I might come forth anew in splendor. Born once of flesh, then again of fire, I was reborn a third time to the sound of my name humming haikus in heaven's mouth."
Aberjhani

~Tom~

Tom blinked and pulled back from Harry's face slowly. Well that was interesting, kissing certainly wasn't what he had been expecting…but it wasn't bad either. Harry stared at him for a moment before she got up and grabbed all the books Tom had gotten from the bookshelf spreading them out on the bed. "Well, let's see if you got anything useful," she said as she tossed him a book. The book was interesting it was dedicated to house hold spells and charms. Things from pest removal charms, repair, cleaning, and it touched on renovation spells.

The one Harry had picked up was in a language neither of them could decipher though going from the goblin illustration on the introduction page they were inclined to believe it was goblin. Tom took another book and it looked like it was full of math equations, only it was like no equations he had seen. Harry hummed interestedly at her book which looked like a history book so far and seemed to be very informative.

Tom picked up another book and found another history book detailing the rise and fall of Dark Lords throughout wizarding history. Harry looked over his shoulder at the passage he was reading and scuffed in disgust. "What?" Tom asked. He thought the idea of Dark Lords had some merit and were actually very interesting. Harry looked at him and then at the book, "Seems like a useless book to me." She said.

"Why?" Tom asked turning back to the book with critical eyes.

"Well these so called 'Dark Lords' seem to all do the same things," Harry said as she turned pages skimming through the contents with him. "They tip their hands way to blatantly, seems to me if you want to take over the world you would be more subtle than that so that by the time you took over no one ever realizes what happened." She said as she rested her chin on his shoulder.

Tom looked at the contexts again with a more critical eye and then had an idea, "So how would you do it?" he asked slyly.

Harry blinked at him, "Do what?" she asked confused.

"Take over the world," he said smirking.

Harry hummed then tilted her head on his shoulder in contemplation, "Well, I would do it slowly, and I wouldn't use the terror tactics most Dark Lords seem to favor. Most of these Dark Lords don't seem to last long, and you know why?" Harry asked looking at Tom contemplatively.

"Why?" Tom asked eyebrow raised.

"Fear, they choose to gain power and keep it through fear." Harry said snorting.

Tom felt genuinely confused, fear seemed to work well in keeping control of the orphanage and getting them special privileges. "What wrong with ruling using fear?" he asked because Tom figured this was one of those things he just couldn't understand. Fear after all, was a great motivator from what he had experienced and so he was confused about the point Harry was trying to make.

Harry flopped back onto the bed and looked at the ceiling in silent contemplation, "The problem with ruling using fear is that it makes your power base uneasy. When people are 'loyal' because they are afraid of their leader…well they are more easily turned into working for the enemy. People like feeling safe, even if that safety is a false veneer, and if they are afraid eventually they will rise up together to face that fear." She said as she picked up his glass rose to study it.

"If they are afraid why would they try to rise up?" Tom asked lying down beside her.

"Well, one can only be truly afraid for only so long. Eventually that sharp paralyzing fear fades into an angry cornered fear of a frightened animal, and cornered animals lash out. So if I wanted to rule the world, and keep my throne, I'd make the population think it was their idea to put me in power. That I had my position thrust upon me, not that I set out to do it but through seeming happenstance it happened." Harry said as she rolled the stem of the rose between her fingers.

"I agree that might be the preferable route but how would you go about doing it?" Tom asked as he turned onto his side so that he could study her face.

"Well, first I would make a name for myself. Through innovation or invention, become a household name held in high regard. People would trust me because they would think they knew me." She said as she turned to face him laying the rose between them.

"Yes and then?" Tom asked urging her forward.

"Once my image and reputation were well known, I would start a program of some sort that would greatly benefit society. Off the top of my head I could think of one, the magical world doesn't seem to start their schooling until their children are eleven so there seems to be a distinctive lack of primary schools. I would have to research it more but if one were to start a primary school were learning was easily accessible…well the way into favor seems to be in molding the future generations." Harry said, "Not only would the school boost my favor with the populous but it would give me free access to their children. Children who could be persuaded to a certain way of thinking while they are still young enough easily impressionable." Harry said.

Tom looked at Harry possessively, this is why no one else would ever come close to touching them…this is why he would rule the world someday. Harry who understood things he could not and tell him how to get himself into a position of power relatively easily. Tom would have to dedicate himself to figuring out what was wrong with the wizarding world. What people wanted to see change, which group felt neglected, and therefore easily manipulated.

~Harry~

Harry wasn't sure what she was doing was the best idea in world to tell an aspiring Dark Lord but she couldn't help herself. The truth of the matter was that the magical world had a lot that needed to be fixed, and it wasn't getting any better with the system they had now. Tom wanted power, there would be no dissuading him of that but the way he gained that power…there was room for change there. Tom was looking at her strangely but it let Harry know that Tom was actually listening to what she was saying.

"I think that to be a true Dark Lord, you shouldn't reveal what you are to the world…no… a true Dark Lord would take over and no one would even notice." Harry said deliberately. Tom smirked at her, "Seems like you put some thought into this," he teased. "Of course, you want to rule the world don't you?" Harry said innocently.

Tom kissed her again, quick as lightening, "I am beginning to see why people like this kissing thing…it is…a satisfying form of expression," he said as he grabbed another book. This one was about Transfiguration Theory and was interesting enough Tom started to read it. Harry grabbed the last one for herself to see what it was and join Tom in reading. When she opened the tattered and worn book all she saw at first were wiggling lines. Then she blinked as English slowly appeared forming out of the wiggling lines.

Parseltongue.

It was odd that she had it again in this body, when she had discovered that she had shared that trait with Tom again a few years ago it had brought up a lot of question. Harry always had a minor ability to understand Parseltongue in all her lives…it was her ability to speak it that changed. Parseltongue was a hereditary gift after all and without the body already having the potential for it Harry couldn't speak it. This body had the ability but it brought up a lot of questions on who her body had been before Harry had become her.

As far as Harry had know only the Gaunts, direct descendents of Salazar Slytherin had the ability and the only one her age was Tom Riddle whose mother was Merope Gaunt. So who was her body? She read the book slowly, it was written by a man…that much was clear and it appeared to be a mix of a diary and a grimoire. The first few pages were of useless musing, mostly philosophy, random thoughts, random facts she already knew…no real details on who the author was and then Harry stumbled upon a curious passage.

My grandmother was a Squib from the Gaunt line, cast out for inability to speak Parseltongue or cast magic. My grandfather married her for reasons unclear to everyone at the time. Morganna Gaunt was no great beauty and he hardly knew her for more than a day before their marriage. It was a scandal because he had abandoned his marriage contract to do it. I find it ironic that just two generations later the truth of my grandfather's wise choice is apparent for all to see. I, Salazar Selwyn, am a Parseltongue. An ability that the Gaunts had so jealously guarded for their own family is now in another line.

Harry laid their stunned, read the passage again, dropped the book onto her chest and stared at the ceiling completely taken by surprise. There were two lines, two, that had the ability in England…how had she never known this. Tom saw her stumped expression and put his book down, "What is it?" he asked lightly. Harry wasn't sure what she was supposed to do, Tom would figure out anyway…and it was his book. So she flipped the journal to the first page where the author ranted about Parseltongue and laid back in stunned silence.

Tom read it hungrily, flipping through the pages devouring the information provided until he go to the same passage that had stumped her. "~Parseltongue, this is called Parseltongue~" Tom hissed, "~Only two lines have it Harry, only two, Gaunts and Selwyn. We must be of one of those lines!~" Harry looked at him and thought about what she should say to him.

"~We can't know that for sure, this book was obviously written some time ago…centuries if the dates are to believed~" Harry said tapping the corner were a date had been scribbled in, "~The Selwyns were the first to gain it…who is to say that other families have not done the same? Until we have researched the lines more…until we find out for sure…then we cannot know~" Harry said sighing deeply. It was the truth; if her body had the ability that did not mean that she was a descendent from either line…it only meant that she had a starting point.

Tom's face was carefully blank, "You're right, of course you're right, and it was foolish of me to run away with myself. It doesn't matter anyway, no one of either of these lines has come for us and so they have not claimed us as their own. We don't need them, we don't need anyone," Tom sneered as he tossed the book away from him and pressed his face into Harry's neck.

"One day I'll make them sorry for abandoning us," Tom whispered into her ear. "One day I'll make them pay," he said as his long fingered hand grabbed her hand, "You'll help me, do it, you'll be my side ~forever~ Harry, it'll always only be the two of us…no one else matters." He hissed as he gripped her tightly.

Harry wasn't sure what she was supposed to say, and she wrapped her arms around Tom. "~Yesss…forever…~" she agreed even though she wasn't sure she could keep such a promise. Tom pressed against her reminding Harry that for all Tom was a genius…he was still an eleven year old boy that needed her as much as she needed him. She would think about the rest later.

~Tom~

Johann Pachelbel's Canon in D major was a popular piece lately and Tom had to agree that when Harry played it…the tones were soothing. There was only a month left, soon they would be getting on a train and leaving all this behind for a time. Harry had of course booked them solid for the winter and summer holidays so they wouldn't lose too much by going to school. It seemed that now that they only had a limited time that along with their popularity had made it easier to demand higher prices.

They were a product in demand, and Tom had to say he enjoyed working less while gaining more. Harry swayed as she played, lost in the rhythm of the song and paying no one any attention. Over the last few months they had learned so much about magic and the world they were joining. Not all of what they had found had been good. In the view of the magical world they would be muggleborns, the lowest of the low and that was not something either enjoyed finding out.

Harry had been surprised to learn that females were not held at a lower standard…per say…even the current Minister was a woman. No, females could climb high in the magical society…could own property and be heirs…if they were of pure blood. Pure bloods could do so much more than a Muggle born could ever hope to just because they had a lineage that was magical. Well, technically Tom suspected Harry and him were half-bloods however, they lacked the proof to say that.

The weight of his wand against his forearm reminded him that none of it mattered. No matter what they thought, no matter what they said, Tom knew the truth...they were all born to bow before them. Soon enough they would be taking the first steps into this new world and they would make it their own before long. Tom would discover the secret to immortality, and with it he would ensure that Harry would never leave his side…that he would never die.

~Harry~

The sight of the Hogwarts Express did strange things to her stomach as she entered the train her thoughts were in the past…or the future. Tom had insisted they arrive early so there were very few people here and the ones that were had already settled into their preferred cabins. Harry thought the quiet was eerie and it reminded her of a very real truth…nothing was as it once was. Tom chose their cabin and unshrunk their trunks from his pocket before he pulled out two books from his expanded bag.

He handed her The Beginners Guide to Brewing and kept Alchemy: A Dying Art for himself. Harry sat down beside him mechanically, this was it, there was no going back now and she adjusted her tie thoughtlessly. She was wearing the boy's uniform but Harry had no plans on pretending to be a boy anymore. Instead she would just let people decide for themselves which gender she possessed as she truly didn't care what anyone thought.

The boy's uniform was much more comfortable than the girl's and she had search the Hogwarts bylaws carefully…nowhere did it say a girl had to wear a girl's uniform only that the uniform was a required dress during class hours. Tom had thought it prudent that they wear their uniforms to the station and just put on their robes once they got closer to Hogwarts. Harry wondered who they might run into, if a Malfoy would show up to sneer at them or (her heart squeezed) maybe a Black.

The parents of some of the people she had know, some of the people she had known as well, would be attending Hogwarts with them. Hagrid would be there, McGonagall, Snape's mother, Sirius mother, people she had heard of when she had been The Man-who-won. How would it be seeing those people…seeing them so young…seeing the features of someone she had loved on another's face? Harry opened her book to distract herself from her painful thoughts.

Her eyes wandered from the half read page to Tom's handsome face as he calmly read the advanced text in his hands. How would Tom do it? She wondered. Slytherin was a hostile place for perceived Muggle borns…how would Tom turn scorn into admiration? Hate into worship? Not only for his own house but for every other house as well. It was amazing to think about; Tom had been widely loved and admired while he had attended Hogwarts. Charming to a frightening degree and only Dumbledore had seen past that charm.

Would it be different with her there? Would Tom forget about her? Harry didn't know because for all of Tom's possessiveness Harry knew he did not love her…and in fact he could not even if he had wanted to. Love was something Tom could never understand, something he could not grasp in spite of his vast intelligence, because something inside of him was broken. Harry wasn't sure if Tom would forget her if he got swept away in the admiration of other people.

Harry wasn't sure how long she could survive Hogwarts anyway, the first life she had attended that school had not been an easy one. She remembered all the close calls…all the times in which she had almost died while attending and sighed. If this time was anything like her time as the Boy-who-lived then Harry would have to resign herself to dying early again. The thought was more frightening than it had ever been…leave Tom? Harry had somehow managed to keep her sanity somewhat intact through all of her life cycles but she wasn't so sure how she would manage without Tom.

Stuck in a desolate loop, unable to escape…unable to mourn…her life stretching out before her in endless loneliness…Harry shivered. Those thoughts were the ones that madness laid in wait and she turned from them. Tom hadn't known himself to be handsome before she had told him he was…Tom had not known that he was grace incarnate. Harry knew that Tom would not abandon her for the simple fact that she saw him as he was…and had not turned from him.

~Tom~

Tom had directed his magic to black the door and make sure no one noticed it. As advantageous it would have been to make connection on the train while heading to their new school Tom had found his patience thin today and the last thing he needed was to get kicked out for hurting some pure blood snob. Harry had drifted off a little while ago and Tom was enjoying the feel of her resting her head on his shoulder. It was a strange thing…enjoying someone's touch…and Tom had yet to get used to the feelings Harry invoked with her casual physical affection.

Tom's eyes drifted to the window and the scenery speeding by as the train made its way to their new school. Tom had always been of the mind that love was a useless thing…something that was fickle and fleeting…well beneath him. Tom's had unconsciously found its way into Harry's hair and he reveled in the silky feel of it against his fingers. Harry's hair was barely brushing her shoulders but Tom always imagined that if she grew it out it would be like living flame.

Love…Tom wasn't so sure what love was anymore. He had once thought that love was something that didn't exist…that it was a made up word people used to make themselves feel better about being alone. Now…after living with Harry for so long…Tom wasn't sure what he thought about love anymore. Harry had tried to explain the concept but Tom had yet to grasp any real meaning in her nonsensical words. The closest Harry had come to explaining love in a way Tom understood had sounded flat even to his ears.

She had told him love was a powerful motivator…that unlike hate which was a paralytic love…love moved people to do strange and sometimes extraordinary things. Then of course Harry had told him that love can destroy one as easily as it could save one. Tom wasn't sure he understood her meaning but he had tired…that was more than he had ever done before. Tom looked at Harry's peaceful face…innocent in sleep…absent the haunting sadness that drew him in like a moth to the flame.

Her hand was still on her pocket where her small knife laid and Tom felt something squeeze inside of him. It was odd…how…painful…it was thinking about the horrors Harry must have lived through to gain such weariness. Harry was his and no one should be allowed to break his things. Tom smoothed the hair out of Harry's face and then forced himself to look away. Tom freely admitted it was unlikely he would ever love anything or anyone…he didn't understand emotions such as love well enough to feel it.

However, if he was to every love anything…Tom supposed it would be Harry. It wasn't because Harry was useful…that she was powerful…it was not even that he felt an obsessive need to own her…no it was none of those things. Tom supposed if he could love he would love Harry because when she looked at him she saw him and did not turn away. Harry knew him better than anyone ever would and she did so with an ease that Tom almost found frightening. Harry, without magic…without him having to say a word…seemed to understand him in his entirety.

Tom knew that he was not a good person…that he was a devil in human skin…that no one could ever love him…but sometimes…when Harry looked at him…he almost believed she did. Harry never flinched from him, never wavered, even when it was obviously how monstrous he was Harry stood beside him unafraid. Harry was smart enough to be cautious around him…she seemed to know when he was in one of 'his moods' as she called it and gave him his space. Yet…Harry had never tried to run away from him…Harry had stood between Dumbledore and him. Harry had demanded Dumbledore 'back off' and she had almost seemed…protective…it had made him feel strange.

The train was beginning to slow so Tom woke Harry and they both dressed in their robes. Tom made sure he had Harry's hand firmly in his own before they joined the crush of students leaving the train. A wild looking old man called out for first years to follow him before he hobbled down the path the opposite the older years had begun to walk down. Tom waited until the crowd had mostly thinned out before he tugged Harry along after him down the path the other first years were walking.

The way was slippery and Tom used Harry's trick with her so they were actually gliding a few millimeters from the ground so they didn't have to deal with it. It was a bit like the magic they used to fly but it was less draining along with having the pleasant side effect of allowing them to move with inhuman grace. "No more th'n 'our ter a boat." The old man grunted as he stepped into a rickety wooden 'boat'.

Tom was sure calling those things boats was a far stretch for the word but nonetheless stepped into one with Harry without ever making it move. The others weren't so lucky and one mousy looking boy managed to dump himself and three others into the lake before the boats moved out. Tom barely spared a glance at the two that had joined them in the boat and instead kept his eye on the horizon. He was one of the first to see the castle…it was impressive and Tom felt smug that this was his school now.

The old man brought them to a hall where Dumbledore was waiting for them smiling creepily. The man's auburn hair clashed horribly with his bright purple robes that had little cows jumping over crescent moons and Tom barely held back a sneer in disgust. Harry's hand tightened over his own and Tom managed to school his face into a politely interested mask. Dumbledore greeted them with unnecessary warmth, "Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! I am Professor Dumbledore, your deputy Headmaster and Transfiguration professor. In a moment we will be joining the others in the great hall where all meals will be served." He said smiling.

As the man went on to explain the houses and points system Tom tuned it out having already found out about both things from Hogwarts, A History. Harry didn't seem interested in listening to him either and instead nudged him to point out the pale silvery silhouettes that were floating through the way. Tom decided he didn't much care for Ghost…they were reminders that death came to call on all and Tom had no intention of answering.

The other students had varying reactions to the ghosts from none at all (pure bloods) to screaming/crying (muggle borns). Dumbledore settled them down before things got out of hand and led them into the great hall. Tom was interested in the enchanted ceiling, the layers of magic on it were fascinating to feel and he wanted to see about trying to reproduce the effects on day. The older students looked at the new arrivals like one would observe an animal in a zoo and Tom didn't particularly care for the feeling.

Tom barely paid any attention to the sorting since he doubted that knowing every single student's name would be any benefit to him and only started paying attention when it looked like it was getting closer to his turn. "Eileen Prince," Dumbledore called out and a well dressed girl walked primly up to the stool. Her dark hair and eyes contrasted against her very pale skin. If it wasn't for her rather unfortunate slightly overlarge nose Tom would have been inclined to say she was attractive enough.

"Slytherin!" the hat called out. The girl seemed pleased as she sent just as primly to her new house. Soon Dumbledore was calling out, "Tom Riddle," and Tom gave Harry's hand a parting squeeze. As he sat on the stool he looked right into Harry's eyes, they had discussed it many times and Harry knew that whatever house Tom was placed in…Harry was expected to follow. Otherwise there would be consequences.

"Interesting…very interesting…you will go far Mr. Riddle…greatness awaits you…yes…there is only one house that will suit you…SLYTHERIN!" it called out. Tom was met with a rather lack luster applause from his new house but Tom had been expecting such a reaction. He would have to make his position as the top of his year group quickly otherwise it would take longer than he wanted to convert the upper years to his way of thinking. Tom sat down at the empty space that seemed reserved for first years and tracked Harry with his eyes.

"Harry Vedette," Dumbledore called out and Tom watched eagerly as she sat on the stool. The hat took longer on her than any other person it had placed yet but it eventually called out "Slytherin," to Tom's smug satisfaction. Harry joined him easily and then they listened to Headmaster Dippet make his announcement. A feast appeared before them and Tom stared at it for a long time trying to find something he could eat.

The issue with living in the orphanage was that they hadn't gotten too much variety in the food they ate. While this wasn't a real issue, Tom who had eaten the same menu all his life had found out that he could not stomach a lot of foods. When Harry had first started buying them food with the money they had earned Tom had been eager to try out new things. However, his stomach was unaccustomed to eating such things and he had ended up slightly sick from it.

Sweets were a big problem for him, spicy things and things that were very heavy on favoring were unpleasant also. Harry seemed to know what he was thinking because she filled their plates with plain chicken, some steamed vegetables, and plain mash potatoes no butter or seasoning. Tom simply began eating ignoring the stares they both were receiving for being the 'mudbloods' in the predominately 'pureblood' house. They would know soon enough that he wasn't to be trifled with and that their place was groveling at their feet. Tom smirked and Harry hid a smile by placing some chicken delicately in her mouth.

A.N.: Hogwarts at last! XD lol this chapter was surprisingly harder to write! Thanks for all your wonderful reviews guys! I know I have some typos/grammar errors but please forgive I am without a beta…lol and I suck at editing my own work! XP Please Read AND Review! It gives me the motivation to update faster! Lol I want to give a special thanks to VampierYuki who has sent me some FANTASTIC AWESOME AMAZING BREATHTAKING fan art! I have a link to one she has posted up on Deviantart on my profile if anyone wants to check it out! I highly recommend it! VampierYuki YOU ROCK! XD ! Fan girl Squeal lol