A.N.: I got a beta! lol thanks again bex5959! You're awesome! XD
Chapter 7: Steps Taken
"Being smart takes patience. Being wise takes pain. Being apathetic takes practice. Being in love takes everything...away."
―Dave Matthes
~Harry~
Harry filled Tom's and her plate full of the simplest food she could find. It would hopefully not hurt their stomachs too much but they would find out later if she had miscalculated. She saw the calculating glint in Tom's eye as he pointedly ignored the less than subtle glares being sent their way and hid a smile. Harry was too distracted by her conversation she had with the sorting hat to invest her time to pay attention to anything else.
…most forget, even those born into this magical world…that magic makes everything possible and that there are no limits to it…just one's imagination…the solution to your problem might not be so far out of reach as you seem to think…you have lived many lives…I wonder Miss Vedette…what house would suit you now…
Magic was something that was hard to define…they gave it limits and rules so they could try to understand it. Just as humans had done with time, they had taken a set of natural occurrences and gave it rules. Magic was more than what they would be taught in Hogwarts…it was beyond their understanding. Even Harry, after countless lives, was no closer to understanding magic and life any more than when she had been the man-who-won.
Life and magic were more than she could understand. How she had not gone mad from the weight of her lives Harry was not sure, but she did know that with every life something of herself changed deeply. Tom was proof enough of that. Harry knew that if she had woken up so close to Tom when this first happened that her reaction to him would have been very different. Harry doubted she would have taken Tom's possessiveness as calmly as she did now.
Harry also knew that had she still been as young and as foolish as she had once been that Tom probably would not have shown so much…not emotion, but…something. Harry supposed she could have been angry, could have let the tragedies that were her lives make her some depressed psychopath…but she was too weary for that. The truth was that sometimes life was hard…sometimes bad things happened to you without you ever doing anything to deserve it…but it didn't have to define you.
If Harry dwelled in all the horrible things she had been through and did mental tallies on how much more she has suffered in comparison to other people…well she would be miserable. Why would she do that to herself? When it was so clear that every moment she was breathing was precious? When every happy moment had to be treasured and protected? It was too easy to sink into the 'pity me' mindset…but where would that get her?
Would holding all that pain, all that anger, all that hate, help her? No, it would only make sure she obsessed over bad things. Yes, Harry was wary of people and what they were inclined to do to her…yet…she was also thankful of every good moment. Petty things like bullying, or being hurt by others…well in the grand scheme of things didn't matter too much. There was always another bully, another villain, but how many moments did you get with the one you loved?
Harry had loved many people, of both genders, and she found that love…well love changed everything. It wasn't some idiotic belief that love conquered all or that love would save anyone. Harry believed that if you loved someone…really loved them…it made your life light up in a way that very little else did. Love wasn't the cure for the evil of the world…it made enduring that evil worth it. It was worth the struggle of back breaking work if your daughter came running to you when you got home with a smile. It was worth being killed by bigoted people for those moments spent wrapped in the arms of the woman you loved but society didn't want you to love. Whether that was because the color of your skin was 'offensive' or that you were the same gender.
It was worth suffering the greatest pains in the world if you could experience the bliss of true love captured in a few perfect moments. At least, it was for Harry. When she had endured that first childhood as the boy-who-lived so devoid of love…well she had come to appreciate what love could do for you. …it's alright to love him...you know…love exists beyond that place called good or evil…love is more than that… The sorting hat's words rang through her mind as she looked over at Tom.
The truth of it was…as much as she knew love could cross every boundary…that to love there was no limit…that love could change everything about you…Harry hadn't considered that she could come to love Tom. For so long she had been caught up in her own pain, in her own helplessness, that she had forgotten her hard won lessons…she had forgotten the small wisdom she had gained over her lives. Tom had been a desperate bid for some happiness because in the lives she had awakened as a child…well…she had never lasted long.
Even now there was that nagging weariness that made her anticipate an imminent death. Harry had never managed to squeeze much happiness out of the lives she had awakened as a child because she was usually so…vulnerable. Yet, here and now…somehow in a hopeless place…she had found love. Her eyes darted to Tom before settling back on her plate and almost without thinking she changed the hand she was eating with, slipping her hand into Tom's.
Harry could admit it to herself now…she loved Tom Riddle…homicidal tendencies and all. It was quite a startling discovery…he had been her enemy once…and now he was something more than that. Tom might not ever be capable of loving her in return…but that didn't matter to her much. Love, real love, made you forget selfish notions of wanting something in return…real love was selfless and kind. Loving Tom meant accepting that he might never know how to love her in return…but that was okay. Her love for him would have to be enough. Harry reached out with her magic and wrapped it around Tom causing him to look at her. She smiled and sent a single thought to him, I love you, then she went back to eating. Leaving Tom wide eyed for a second before he turned his attention back to his food with a strange look on his face.
~Wimble~
Wimble twisted her floppy ears and bounced from foot to foot in anxiety. She was not sure what she was supposed to do in this situation. She was the house elf assigned to set up the new Slytherin students dorms, but there was a problem. There was one student she wasn't sure where to place and Hogwarts wasn't helping her. Harry Vedette's magic was feminine, but the soul imprint on the trunk was very masculine. Hogwarts hadn't revealed a new room for either gender so this trunk was just there…without a place to put it.
She didn't have a choice, she popped over to Professor Sluggy at the head table making sure to not disturb anyone else. "Professor Sluggy," she began. The wizard jumped and looked behind him at her in a mix of curiosity and annoyance. "Get on with it elf," he grunted. "Professor Sluggy…Wimble doesn't be knowing where to place Harry Vedette's things…Vedette a girl or boy?" she asked.
Slughorn looked confused before he turned his attention to one of the latest additions to his house and found himself stumped. He couldn't remember if Harry had been wearing a skirt or not since he hadn't been paying the sorting too much attention there at the end. The uniforms tops were all sadly the same across both genders and he couldn't see beyond that from his seat. Harry was young enough that he wasn't so sure on looks alone either having seen both pretty boys and handsome girls come through these walls.
"Ahhh, that is to say…we'll sort this out after the feast elf, now off with you," Slughorn said at a loss on what to do. This hadn't happened before and he wasn't too clear on how to politely ask for one's gender. Wimble popped away in distress and almost cried. Why did humans have to be so hard to distinguish? Boy, girl, they all looked the same to an elf and so deciding on how to address each was usually left to what impression the magic/soul gave. This is the first time that Wimble had come across a human that had two conflicting signs…a feminine magic signature but a masculine soul.
~Tom~
I love you, what could Harry have been thinking? Telling him such things placed him off balance and Tom knew he needed to be strong to establish his place in this house. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the look of annoyance on their housemate's faces and forced himself to keep his face blank. Pure bloods it seemed were not used to being ignored…perhaps that was how he would gain power here? Tom knew how much being ignored irritated him and how much children typically yearned for acknowledgement.
Tom had been giving it some thought these past few months about how much of their proficiency in wielding their magic they should show. From what they could gather from the books they had searched through, doing wandless magic was unheard of at their age…at least controlled wandless magic. It just proved what Tom knew all along…even in this magical world…the two of them were special. Tom's eyes were calculating as he took in the people surrounding him.
He ignored the Headmaster as he made announcements signaling the end of the meal as the desserts disappeared. Tom held Harry close as they followed the older students down to their dorm rooms. Love, Harry loved him. Tom wasn't sure what that meant for him, but it might be easier to keep Harry confined to his side now that she loved him. From what he understood, love made people do very foolish things for the object of their affections.
Tom smirked, it was nice having such power over someone as powerful as Harry…the only person in the world Tom was sure almost reached his level. Tom was quite certain that now that Harry loved him he would be able to do whatever he wished to her…because that was what happened when you loved someone else. You gave that person power over you. Tom was actually quite smug that Harry loved him…because he wouldn't have to pretend to love her in return. Harry knew him well enough to see through such a ruse and Harry was perhaps the only person who didn't care whether he returned her sentiment or not.
The older student had lead them to a blank stretch of wall that's only distinguishing mark was a small (almost undetectable) snake carved into a brick three rows from the ground. "The password is Draconis," the older boy said as the wall fell away much like the wall at the entrance to Diagon Alley. He led the students inside and then turned to them, "First years stay here, the rest of you are free to go," he said stiffly.
The crush of the other students slowly filtered out, some went to their rooms, some lounged on the few couches the common room provided and a few sat by the fire chatting quietly. A pudgy man with a firm round belly came through the entrance a few minutes later and smiled at them jovially. "Hello students, I am Professor Slughorn, I will be your potions professor, and I am your Head of House. I have a few announcements to make before I can let you go to sort yourselves out so if you would be so kind as to find a seat," Slughorn said gesturing to the small collection of chairs that appeared behind them.
Tom took a seat that was at the end of the row and had Harry sit on his other side to act as a buffer. Tom didn't like the idea of anyone touching him…even if by accident. "Now that we are all settled, I shall begin, first let me welcome to the house of Slytherin. We are a house of the cunning and ambitious…as such I expect a certain amount of decorum for each of my students. In public we always present a united front, I don't care what disagreements come up, you are to settle differences between housemates only within the dorm and away from prying eyes. Consequences for not following this rule are severe and decidedly unpleasant, so I suggest you not test my patience," Slughorn said warningly.
"Now moving on to more pleasant conversation, as first years you are only expected to do the core curriculum and will not have to sign up for electives until your third year. However, that is not to say you cannot sign up for more classes," Slughorn motioned to the older boy who began passing out sheets of parchment. "Before you is a list of electives only offered to first and second years. You can of course choose to continue on the subject after your second year but you will still be expected to choose other courses as well. As Slytherins I expect you to choose a minimum of two courses in which you would like to sign up for. I will need your answers in two days time so choose quickly," Slughorn said as he stood pompously before them like a king addressing his subjects.
"Classes for first years do not officially begin until three days from now but that is not to say your time is your own during that time. There is a set of mandatory short courses you will be attending at that time. Among them is a health course with our school nurse, a muggleborn introductory course, a refinement course, and an introduction to magical culture course. I realize that much of you already have a firm understanding on what you will be taught in these courses but they are mandatory for everyone. If I find you have skipped any of these assigned courses I will assure you that you will find your punishment decidedly disagreeable," he said seriously as he stared down at them. They collectively nodded in agreement, though Tom merely stared him down in return.
"Now onto your sleeping arrangements, Slytherin is the only dorm where you will have the privilege of having your own room and bathing area. Since we are in the lower levels of Hogwarts we have the luxury of spreading out much further than your unfortunate peers. We do have assigned sleeping quarters though, boys are to the right, and girls are to the left. The rooms are arranged so that the oldest students are the ones closest to the common room and descending in age your room will be the furthest ones out. Slytherin designed it that way so that if in the event that Hogwarts be invaded and the dorm compromised, the older students could protect the younger ones. This means the rooms closest to the common room are a privilege and a responsibility. You will find prefects in the three closest rooms as such, so should you need anything you know where to go to seek assistance," Slughorn said, gesturing to the old boy beside him and to himself.
"Slytherin was the most cunning and wise of all the founders. He prepared for every possibility, and he chose the location of the Slytherin dorms for a reason as well as the layout of the dorm as well. The dorm is located well within the Labyrinth that is the dungeons; it is very easy to get lost for days if one is not careful. As such for the first few months all first years are expected to be guided by a prefect to and from the dorms in the morning and evening. Please don't be foolish and think that you can find your way on your own. Your rooms are likewise laid out in a labyrinth like style; however since it is on a much smaller scale you are expected to figure your way to and from your room on your own," Slughorn said, gesturing to the two entrances to the dorm rooms.
"I will be meeting up with you all individually two months from now to assess how you are adjusting to your work load and to evaluate your progress. As Slytherins I expect you to do well, anyone slacking in their work will answer to me and trust me when I say you do not want to have that conversation with me. I will drop into the common room from time to time to address you all, in three days time I will meet you all first thing in the morning with your class schedules for the year…so wake early. Now, I am sure you all are exhausted from your travels so you are dismissed so that you might situate your sleeping arrangements," he said easily. "Mr. Riddle, Vedette, a word if you please," Slughorn said before they could slip away.
Tom scowled, somehow Tom thought that they would take exception to Harry sleeping in his room but that mattered very little to him. Harry was his, she slept with him, that was final and that was not negotiable. Slughorn smiled at them and took them off to a quiet corner. "Now there has been some confusion over your sleeping arrangements I'm afraid, Vedette, you see the house elves and indeed even Hogwarts were confused over your gender. Nothing to be concerned over, these things happen from time to time, and all you need to tell me is where you would be most comfortable. I am afraid that until I can get you a room you will have to share with someone," Slughorn said gently.
It was very hard to resist the urge to scoff at the man; he was very obviously trying to avoid asking for Harry's gender directly no doubt afraid to be rude. "Harry will share with me, there is no need to see about getting another room since we are accustomed to sharing. It would be odd to stop now," Tom said decisively and Harry nodded along.
"Oh, well that settles things then. Should you desire your own room in the future Mr. Vedette, you only need to say the word and I shall arrange for it," Slughorn said smiling and nodding glad to have resolved the issue so smoothly. "Now off to bed both of you, there will be an early health course tomorrow morning and I expect you two to be well rested for it," he said dismissing them easily.
~Harry~
Harry couldn't help but be amused that she had been mistaken for a boy by the majority of people. They found their room with little trouble and were pleased by what they found. It was more spacious than their room at the orphanage and the bed was much larger. The bed was a four poster, beside it was a wardrobe, on the other side was a desk with a bookshelf and their trunks were at the end of the bed. The bathing room was small but it would do fine. They hadn't had a bathing room of their own yet so it was a nice treat.
They got dressed for bed, laying out their clothes for tomorrow and putting their dirty clothes in the hamper by the wardrobe. The bed was soft, softer than either of them was used to so it took a while for them to get comfortable but once they did they fell asleep quickly. They woke the next morning just as easily and quickly got ready for the day. The made it out to the common room and were surprised to find they weren't the first ones there. Another first year girl was already waiting with the prefect assigned to them today.
Harry supposed that she should try to learn all their names, but then again it had gotten surprisingly hard for her to remember names of people that didn't really matter to her. Harry thought it might have to do with living so many lives and meeting so many different people. It made it hard for her to remember people that weren't significant. Besides, it was a bit of a waste of her time because Harry was always expecting to be killed fairly soon, so why bother?
Tom was silent as usual, he wasn't a morning person and Harry was amused to see he hadn't quite woken all the way yet. She sort of wanted to see if any of the others would try to talk to him…they would be in for a rude surprise if they did. Eventually the rest of their year mates were gathered and then they made their way to the great hall. Harry made sure to stick with plain eggs and dry toast for the both of them, feeling a bit sick looking at the greasy breakfast meat.
At the orphanage meat was usually reserved for the evening meal, and breakfast was usually oatmeal or creamed cereal of some sort. They got egg on holidays sometimes, but looking at the selection before them was a bit nauseating. Sticky syrups, greasy meats, loaded eggs, potatoes, and it was all so heavily seasoned that the smell was burning her nose. She didn't even want to know how Tom was handling this because his stomach was even more sensitive than her own.
Harry hoped that by the end of their Hogwarts years that Tom would be better adjusted and then she stopped that train of thought. She didn't even know if she would last that long and making plans for that far out only led to earth shattering heart break. Another prefect came by to guide them to their first course class in the hospital wing and Harry was startled to realize she didn't remember the way. It shouldn't have been a surprise to her, it had been many, many, years since she had stepped foot into Hogwarts but somehow it still threw her off balance.
Seeing Madam Pomfrey looking much (much) younger than Harry had ever imagined her ever being didn't help Harry any either. Part of the hospital wing had been converted over to something of a class room setting with a few rows of chairs facing a blank board. She made sure they were all seated before she started to address them, Harry was momentarily distracted by the fact that her hair was blonde and not white from age.
"In this health course we will be discussing certain, shall we say sensitive things, and I will not tolerate giggles, whispering, rude gestures, interruptions, or irrelevant questions. I will warn you only once and then I will silence and bind you. Understood?" She asked glaring at each of them in turn. They all just nodded quickly and Harry wondered if she had missed something important. What the hell was this class about?
Madam Pomfrey stood before them stiffly. "We will start with the most important facts about how children are conceived and move on to hygienic spells," she said very properly and Harry almost choked going very wide eyed. Tom smirked at her but then paled as Pomfrey's lecture went on. Harry wasn't embarrassed per se, it was more that she learned things in that hour that she had rather not known and things she was surprisingly shocked by.
Three boys and one girl managed to receive the silencing/binding treatment by the end of the mechanical…uh description…of intercourse. "Now on to the most important facts about losing your virginity as a magical being," Madam Pomfrey said stiffer than ever, "When a witch or wizard first loses their virginity it affects their magic. Whether the affect is favorable or not depends on the age of the participants. If your magical growth has not yet reached its peak, having intercourse can be very detrimental to you. There was a rash of wizards and witches turned near squib during the population booster year of 1695 where the ministry passed certain laws requiring them to try for conception too young," she said seriously.
"It was because of this that research on that field began, it was found in 1706 by Roderick Rosier that losing your virginity before your seventeenth year could be detrimental to your magical development. However, if virginity was lost in the seventeenth year, depending on a few other factors, it could result in a significant power boost that would last the rest of your life as opposed to slowly tampering off if done after the seventeenth year," Madam Pomfrey said.
"I hope I will not have to remind any of you later on that pursuing anything sexual with a partner before then is very ill advised and could be very harmful for you," she said, eyes narrowed on all of them. "Now onto contraceptive spells, their uses, their side effects, and applications," she said professionally. Tom was looking slightly ill and Harry wondered what had gotten to him more. The very descriptive explanation of how one had sex or the threat to his magic. Harry nearly laughed, who was she kidding, the magic thing was more pressing on Tom than the whole having sex thing. Harry did see that the discussion about sex had made him very uncomfortable though because Tom didn't like people touching him in general.
Harry also knew that Tom would be very uncomfortable with the entire notion since having intercourse made both parties very vulnerable to each other. The next three hours were just as uncomfortable as the rest; Madam Pomfrey was very thorough making sure they all knew how to cast all the simple spells she taught them. Including to Tom's mortification, how to place the charm that vanished a woman's monthly…time…and how to cast charms to relieve cramping. Harry still wondered about how wise it was to teach children how to do the magical equivalent of putting a condom on a man but it was interesting to say the least.
It was only after that Harry began to think about the strange differences between her life as the boy-who-lived in Hogwarts and now. For one thing there hadn't been any electives that Harry was aware of being offered to first and second years. If there had been, Harry was sure Hermione would have taken them in a heartbeat. These classes certainly hadn't been offered either because Harry still remembered the first 'talk' she had ever had on the subject. That hadn't happened until her fifth year as the boy-who-lived, and Hermione had not been as thorough about it as Madam Pomfrey had been about it. Hermione had discovered her ignorance on the subject and managed to get past the general idea of it all in a sputtering mess.
This brought to the forefront of his mind the question she had been contemplating for a while now…had she been stuck in alternate timelines, or was this something that had been abandoned by Hogwarts in the future? It was hard to tell because the girl named Harry hadn't existed the first time around so there was really no way to know. Did her being here change the future? If it did then how was she here in the first place? The questions kept pressing down on her and she was no closer to the answers. Tom pressed into her side eyes shifting suspiciously at everyone around them.
They made it to the great hall in good time and lunch was already underway. Seeing the rich food laid out before them reminded Harry that she needed to remember how to get into the kitchens again. Tom and her could not survive like this for long and it would not be good for either of them to eat something…unsettling. Classes needed to be picked and soon the year would be well underway. Harry wondered how they would handle the change, how they would handle the others, and where they would go from here. Because as much as she tried not to plan for too far ahead…Harry kept thinking about years with Tom before she caught herself.
Harry's hand tightened around Tom's, what would it be like…living with Tom after Hogwarts? Where would they go? What would they see? Would her being around change Tom…even if it was only in small ways…or would it all turn out the same as before? What would she do when her parents were born? What would she do when she was supposed to be born? Because Harry was afraid of what could happen if she lived long enough to see her own birth as Harry Potter. The soul was not meant to inhabit two bodies at once…would she die painfully as he was born? Would her body as Harry Potter be born without a soul? Would her parents even get together? That was the thing about changing things…no matter how small, a single change could turn the course of history forever.
The most important question Harry needed to find the answer to was this…did she want to change it all?
A.N. Here it is! The much demanded update! Lol Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers! You guys are seriously motivating! Thanks for giving my story a chance! On another note I am super excited to say that I will be launching my Kickstarter page for my children's book soon! Kickstarter dot com is a site where you can raise the funds you need for projects! I'm hoping to get enough support that I'll be able to print the first limited editions of my book myself before I send the work out to publishers! Super excited guys! Wish me luck! When I launch my page I'll put the link up on my profile so you guys can check it out! ^_^
