EDWARD

I walked to my room trying to push back the thoughts that Alice just brought up. I didn't even look to Kari in her cage. I knew if I did, I'd unleash the anger that was coming in terrible waves. I didn't want to do anything I'd regret to her. I grabbed my keys of the dresser and headed for the garage.

I jumped in my volvo and just drove. I vaguely noticed that Bella's car was gone. Where was she? I didn't give a shit right now. When you're hearing you daughter's screams of pain ringing in your ears, you didn't really care about anything else.

I drove like eighty over the speed limit. The cops wouldn't say anything because of who I was. I had to outrun the sounds and images were pulling through. I don't know how long I drove before I realized, the memories weren't going away. I pulled over in the parking lot of a closed park.

I closed my eyes and saw my daughter's final hours. I heard her screaming from the pain and begging them to stop. I saw Jane just staring at her as she screamed in pain. They bit her several times, commenting on how her blood was better than any full human. I watched as they ripped her clothes and violated her, more than once. She was so scared. She was begging for someone to help her.

My family was too late to save her from those horrors. We thought, though, that we had gotten there in time to save her life too. We were wrong. They killed right in front of us. It was the worst thing I had ever had to endure. Watching my daughter being burned alive. She begged for someone to save. God knows, we tried but we couldn't.

Maybe Alice was right. Maybe everything we were doing right now was hypocritical. I supposed we were ripping other families apart just liike the Volturi did ours. To tell you the truth, though, I liked that thought.

I liked being surrounded by people who were going through the same pain I was. I liked knowing there were mothers and fathers out their who lost their children like I did. I liked being able to grab one of the girls whenever I was angry and relieveing some of that anger on them. I guess that's not the best angle to look at it though.

Just because I wanted or liked it, didn't make it right. That's one thing the old Carlisle had taught us. Always do what's right. So why weren't we following that now?

I think it has something to do with us spending a century doing what was right. We tried to avoid hurting humans. Hell, we lived like humans. We never used our powers to try to control the humans. The powers that be decided to reward us by taking away someone we cared deeply about. Once we realized that was the case, we stopped trying to live by what's right. Why should we if we wouldn't get anything out of it.

That took the faith and conviction that Carlisle had in God away. He was done thinking that if we played by God's rules we'd get into heaven. That's the thing that pulled us apart. Carlisle's faith was everything. It gave us faith so when his was gone so was ours.

I do pray, though, that God had mercy oon Nessie's soul. It wasn't her fault that she was born part monster. At the same time, though, I fear, if she is up there, what she's thinking about what her family has become. Did she hate us? Did she fear us? Was she still proud to say she was a Cullen?

I wanted to be able to say that we got past it all okay but that wasn't possible here. Sometimes, I do wish we hadn't gone the revenge route. Then maybe Bella and I wouldn't be fighting all the time. Emmett and Rosalie would still be alive. Alice would know where Jasper goes when he leaves most nights. Carlisle and Esme wouldn't be giving each other the cold shoulder. Things wouldn't have had a chance to fester the way they did.

If we hadn't started a war, we could've spent five years talking and figuring out where to go from there. Instead, we spent five years planning battles and coming up with different tactics. We allowed ourselves to let that hate we felt toward the Volturi spill out to everyone who could be a potential threat to our happiness.

I've known, all along, somewhere inside me, that everything we were doing to the humans were wrong. Somewhere along the way, I just stopped caring. Alice was right in her thoughts and actions.

There needed to be another change but were we ready to make another. No, not yet, not until we resoleved our family issues. That's the only way we were going to survive. We had to know we could depend on each other like the family we used to be. We had to stop all this fighting, lying, and not talking. It was the only way anything would work.

It looked hopeless. I knew from observing the rest of the family that Alice and I were the only ones who thought a change was needed. Bella was too angry with me and the world to think it deserved anything better. It would be even harder for Jasper to go back to the old ways, now that he finally gave into himself. Carlisle wasn't ready to put his faith back into something that huge. And Esme, sometimes, I think Esme just wants it all to be over. I don't think she cares about much anything anymore. If I had to say, I'd guess only Jasper, Alice, Bella, and I mattered to her anymore. I think her and Carlisle are so angry at themselves and each other, they can't possibly be in love anymore. How did things get so messed up? Was it even possible to fix things anymore?

I knew things had to change. I also knew that things were too messed up to get any better. The first thing was for me to change myself. If I was going to help anyone, I needed to be a better person. I knew I wasn't ready for as big a step as giving up the slaves but i could start small. I could try to go back to the all animal diet.

I mean, I had my own personal human to help with the craving. My main diet would be the animals but when I got a craving for human, I take just enough from Kari to soothe the craving. I just had to be careful and make sure to wait at least forty eight hours between my feedings on her. I didn't want to make her too weak.

I don't know how long I sat in that park before I drove back to the house. When I pulled into the garage, I noticed Bella's car was still gone. It still didn't bother me. She had a habit of leaving at night and not coming back until the next day.

I walked up to my room, put my keys on the dresser, and walked over to Kari. She was curled into a ball, asleep, on the floor of the cage. I figured she was dreaming about something far away from here. Her lips were curled into a smile. It was the first one I had seen from her and I had to admit, I wanted to see more of it. She shivered slightly but didn't

Not sure, once again, why I was doing it, I walked over to one of our closets and pulled out a comforter. I unlocked the cage and tucked it around her. I relocked the cage and headed to the door.

I needed to apologize to Alice. She had made me think. I understand how wrong things were thanks to her. I may not be ready to completely face what happened that night but she made me think. That's what I really needed to do.

I clicked off the light, closed the door, and headed for Alice's and Jasper's room.

BELLA

I walked in to the hotel. It wasn't too busy. Most pople didn't leave home too much anymore. They were afraid of a vampire attack. The clearly didn't understand, we could attack them no matter where they were. They'd learn eventually. I walked up to the man at the front desk. I didn't have to tell the man who I was. I rented the same room almost every night.

"Ah, Mrs. Cullen," the man said. "Your gentleman friend is up in your usual room waiting for you."

"Thank you." I said and headed to the elevator. When I stepped in, I pressed the button for the second floor and waited for the doors to close.

I thought about what I was about to do. I felt slightly hypocritical about it. I was always mad at Edward for doing things with the slaves but here I was about to do it the same thing. It's not that I care that he's screwing around. It's more an insecurity that he went from me to petty human girls. It hurts that he took that step down from me.

He always told me they didn't matter to him. That made me even more upset about this because I really did love the man I was about to see. I just haven't had the guts to tell anyone because it would cause a lot of hurt. I didn't care about the people it would hurt. Not that I cared about that. I just didn't want Edwrd on my ass about being a hypocrite. My gentleman friend; however wasn't ready for to see them hurting like that yet.

It was for these reasons that we decided to keep this between the two of us for as long as possible.

We loved each other, though and were planning on getting married. We just had to wait for the right time to tell people.

The elevator stopped at my floor and I walked to room 203. I opened the door and walked into the arms of the only man who understood what I was going through after losing my daughter.

A/N: Who was it? Anyone have any ideas? I wasn't going to put that in the end but I figured I'd drop one semi big clue. I hope it worked in okay. Let me know what you think. And no Edward is not completely back to normal, yet. Alice just gave him a push in the right direction. Kari has to help her get him all the way there.