Holy crap you guys are amazing. Thirteen follows and nine favorites? Made my little heart soar! X3
Thank you all, and thanks RealistIze for the review. You all gave me motivation to make this chapter and put it out faster than I originally planned.
'blah' - thinking
"blah" - talking
* - explanation at the bottom (not needed to read the story though)
Update 10/4/2017: Replaced the word "ninja" with shinobi or an alternate word
Warning: Language and violence, Dei's gonna be gushing over cute stuff. If you aren't prepared for that beware! XP
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, if I did the fillers would contain actual character development, or more Akatsuki screen time.
It took a good ten minutes before I realized my mistake. No, I didn't forget anything. Yes, I have no idea where Konoha is, but I'm guessing any travelers I see would give me directions. No, it was something worse...
I called Itachi cute. I called Uchiha Itachi CUTE!
I'm now doing a very convincing impersonation of an armadillo. Doesn't matter that I'm fifty feet in the air with no one to see my internal dismay; I still wanted to curl up somewhere and die of embarrassment. Why oh why did I say that! I already have a loose tongue as it is, putting me in Deidara's body means I have four times the mouths! Being a fangirl doesn't help either.
"Universe! If you can hear me now, please give me a distraction! I'll even take a run-in with Jiraya and have a twenty minute conversation about how girly I look, un. ANYTHING!" I pleaded to no one in particular, I never pray to any deity, just the universe… because I swear the thing hates me.
Thankfully, at least in this situation, it likes to prove me wrong. Not even a minute after I made my plea I heard the sounds of kunai clashing. Oh goodie a fight! Landing my bird and stuffing it in my pocket after making it a figurine again, I head over to the noise.
Observing the fight I couldn't believe my luck! A Konoha genin team was fighting a handful of... Takigakure* jonin? I click my tongue, bunch of big adults fighting eleven year olds. We can't have that now can we?
Taking some clay I quickly make some frogs, making sure that they can stick onto surfaces. I refuse to make spiders, spiders are creepy and gross and I don't care how cute Deidara's are I refuse to make them! Hiding in some bushes the clay frogs innocently hop into the battlefield. The entire fight stops almost comically upon seeing those soulless eyed amphibians hop over. Hop...hop...hop… then suddenly the frogs shoot out pale white tongues and attach themselves to the Taki nins. Wrapping their long limbs around the men's legs and torso, one guy even had a frog on his face. Lucky for him I don't know how to mimic the mucus... yet. I wonder if I can find a poison that works with the clay...
I had to keep myself from laughing at the little dance the Taki nins were doing trying to get my bombs off. Too bad for them that I made the frogs as stubborn as me on a bad day. "What the hell are these things?!" One of them shrieked. That made me pause in my concealed laughter. 'Things? Oh hell no. You did not just call my ART things!'
Oops, did I say that out loud? Everyone's looking at my hiding spot. No use staying hidden then. Slowly standing up I put on a cool expressing as my hands connect with my hips. If I wasn't so short I would look like a mother catching their kid eating cookies before dinner.
Another Taki nin proceeded to laugh, albeit nervously seeing my headband. Good, they must know about the explosion corp and what Iwagakure shinobi are capable of doing; wish I knew too. "Art? Kid, these are the ugliest things I have ever se-" poor guy didn't get to finish his sentence before I blew him up with a hearty "KATSU!" Well, that shut them up pretty quickly. Even the Konoha jonin quickly put his genin students behind him protectively.
Oddly, the fact that I just killed someone with the highest level of apathy should be concerning to me. But I think I'm just desensitized to the whole thing, helps that I binged watched all of Game of Thrones and this world still looks like an anime to me. But I doubt I could stab someone, it's best that I fight long range; with some exceptions I'd like to keep my new hands relatively blood free.
Without warning I turn to the Konoha nins, talking directly to the jonin as I keep my hands ready to blow the others up. I can't tell if the genin are staring at me with fascination, or the same way a horror movie protagonist looks at a killer after shooting them.
"Need these guys alive, un?" The jonin folds his arms in contemplation before nodding. Oh? The silent type? (AN: not really, the authoress just doesn't feel like typing the conversation) Why do I feel like there is a voice in the back of my head?
Trying not to express my disappointment I nod, "Then can I at least join you guys to Konoha? I have a friend there I haven't seen in forever, un." Lying, at least in my opinion seemed the only logical way to get them to agree. If they believed that I knew someone it would be less suspicious for an Iwa nin. I need to get into Konoha, helping a genin team could work in my favor. Missing nin or not, I DID help out, that should at least eliminate the whole "kill on sight" option at the gates and hopefully the worst that happens is that I get arrested or sent to the T&I building.
Before the Jonin could question me the team's only kunoichi pipes up "Sure! We were heading back there. Right Sensei?" oh god this girl is so cute looking up at the jonin with sparkling eyes. No wonder the silent shinobi nodded in agreement. How can you say "no" to- 'okay brain stop rambling I think we get it!'
Time skip! Weeeeee!
Remember how I said I hated kids? Yeah, I hate kids. I am the most maternal person I know that isn't an actual mother but even I have my limits. I will jump in front of a gun to protect a child, hold them when they are sad and whisper sweet nothings, be a role model and teach them about life, but that won't stop me from wanting to punch their lights out. The genin next to me happens to be one of those types of kids. It doesn't matter to me if he is close to my age physically, mentally I'm an adult woman who's tired of the universe's bullcrap.
"What village are you from? Hey are you a shinobi? What's your name? My names Daiki it means impressive! Pretty cool right? Can you do jutsu? What was that you did to that shinobi? Why is it called art? How old are you? I'm eleven! Why do you say 'un'?" shutupshutupshutup! This Daiki kid won't shut up! He's Tobi-hyper mixed with Naruto's Talk-no-Jutsu. He's skipping next to me! SKIPPING!
Resisting the urge to blow someone up I clear my throat. Instantly making the boy quiet, waiting for a response. "Iwagakure. Yes. Deidara. Cool. Yes. My art. Cause it's my art, art is a fleeting moment gone in the blink of an eye, un. I'm about the same age as you. It's a verbal tic, un." Damn someone pat me on the back I said that all in one breath. Now, please shut this kid up.
Thankfully the kunoichi points towards some gates yelling "We're here!"
Sighing with relief I stick to the team long enough to get inside and watch some ANBU take the Taki into custody. Izumo and Kotetsu give me questioning looks, but the jonin flashed some kind of sign to them, I'm betting he told them that I would be dealt with later or he would alert the Hokage. Either way I managed to enter Konoha just by being quiet and cooperative. Bowing to the now eyeing-me-suspiciously jonin and saying goodbye to my new "friends" I hightailed out of there like a chicken with its butt on fire. It won't be long before ANBU are on my ass too so I need to figure out a plan and fast.
And then something hit my nose. Not a fist, or a pole, but a rich smell that has never reached me before. Noodles, broth and cooked meats. Hope rising to the heavens my head turning to the source as my fears of Anbu melt away.
Ichiraku's ramen stand.
...Screw ANBU I'm about to eat something every Naruto fan has dreamed of eating!
Making a beeline for the stand I quickly pause and made sure I had enough money. Pleased seeing that I had plenty I enter the stand with a dorky grin on my face.
Almost instantly I was greeted with a "Welcome! What can I get'cha?" from the one and only Teuchi.
Trying not to drool I sit on a stool. I rarely eat ramen, the bowls tends to be too big for me, but I had to try this stuff, "miso pork ramen please, un." A nod later and some momentary silence an all too familiar voice appeared right next to me.
"Hey old man! I'll have the usual dattebayo!"
Oh my sweet baby Jesus can I get any luckier? Looking to my right I see that iconic blond hair, sky blue eyes, but no orange jumpsuit. Naruto's tiny frame is instead covered with a white shirt and some blue shorts. It took all my nerve not to jump on him and smother his face with love and affection, he's so tiny and cute! 'Whoa there Deidara, calm yourself down. Hug him now and the ANBU that watch him will be on your ass faster than you can say "art"'
Seems my staring didn't go unnoticed, as said tiny blond is now frowning at me.
"What'cha lookin' at lady, dattebayo?" (AN: no idea how often he says this as a kid)
Turning my head, Naruto almost instantly looks away, as if expecting to be yelled at or hit. 'Poor kid…' Smiling softly, I let out a deep chuckle, startling Naruto into attention. "I'm looking at you, also I'm a man kid. Remember that, un."
Woohoo I managed to make the shrimp sputter "B-b-b-but you're way too pretty to be a man! How is that possible dattebayo?!" Must… resist… urge… to steal chibi….
I shrug, pretending that I'm not having an inner battle. "I look like my mom, un." At least I hope I look like Deidara's mother. Either that or he had one cute dad.
Naruto blinked, confused "Oh…" silenced waved over until the ramen arrived. "Thanks old man!" Without hesitation, the younger blond began eating with gusto. Blink once and he's already a third done; that bowl's the size of his damn torso!
Cautiously, I took some chopsticks and proceed to try the ramen… well to all the Naruto fans out there: IT'S AS GOOD AS YOU THINK! There is a reason why this is his favorite kind!
It took all of my restraint to not vocally express my joy eating this delicious food. The broth was salty, but savory. The noodles were thick and soaked in the broth and the meat. Oh god the meat, juicy pork perfectly cooked to a beautiful white on the inside and outside browned with miso. Now I can see why cooking is considered an art. It's fleeting AND edible. And there's naruto* in my ramen too! How cute!
I guess Naruto noticed my enjoyment. I have a habit of pinching my face with a smile when I eat something tasty.
"Yuff nefer haf," he swallowed his mouthful of noodles before continuing "ramen before?"
Mid-head shake I ended up receiving Naruto's infamous ramen rant. Boy, can this kid talk, at least he doesn't play twenty questions. Who knew there was so many kinds of ramen?
"And then there's beef rame- hey! You're a shinobi!" Naruto proceeds to shout while pointing at my face, making me go cross-eyed. He likes to state the obvious huh?
Slowly moving Naruto's appendage from my face, I nod "Yeah, I'm a jonin* from Iwa, un…"
Oh god, I should have kept my mouth shut, the shouting was instant. Teuchi seems use to this by now, as he just resumes his cooking with a happy grin. Good for you dude, my ear is about to bleed.
"So you ARE a shinobi! I knew it, dattebayo! I don't know where this 'Iwa' is but can you teach me some cool jutsu?! I'm in the academy but all we learn is boring book stuff, dattebayo. I can't get stronger without more training and all the teachers focus on that teme Sasuke. Please nii-san*?!" Impressive kid, all in one breath.
Wait…
He called me "nii-san"
This adorable, precious kit called me nii-san… and wants ME to train him.
"Um… kid, how about we talk about this elsewhere after we eat, un." I quickly looked over my shoulder, call me paranoid but I'm certain we were being watched. If I needed to make a break for it, I'd rather it be somewhere more open with less civilians.
Naruto nods with determination. Damn, he really wants me to be his sensei. "And my name's not 'kid' it's Uzumaki Naruto! AND I'M GONNA BECOME THE STRONGEST SHINOBI IN THE VILLAGE AND BE THE NEXT HOKAGE! THEN EVERYONE WILL ACKNOWLEDGE ME DATTEBAYO!" I'm dying on the inside. I just got the famous Hokage statement. Naruto, when you are older please use the Talk-no-Jutsu, I have to hear it in person.
Smiling with a pleased hum I simply nod in acceptance "Then you better work hard, Naruto-kun." I state sagely before returning to my ramen, not noticing those big blue eyes staring at me in awe.
Deidara's gonna have field day with all of the chibis he's going to encounter. If there is anyone in particular you want him to meet let me know! I already have plans for Sasuke but the rest are up to chance. Next chapter will develop Dei's and Naruto's relationship along with Hiruzen learning that a missing nin is prancing around Konoha. Yes there are ANBU watching right now, there's no way Deidara could walk around unsupervised, but since he helped that team they are giving Dei a chance. But only one.
Quick explanation about the whole "universe" thing: it's a joke between my friend and I, whenever I get bad luck we blame the universe. I didn't want to use a god/goddess for this story as that's just not me. So, we have the universe!
Yes, Daiki did not have a single pause in his questions, I have met a number of kids who talk like this and trust me, it's just as annoying in person as it is on paper.
In terms of age I'd say Naruto is about seven, soon-to-be eight while Deidara is eleven. It's hard to pick out a good age as there is no official dated timeline besides the timeskip between Naruto and Shippuden and the battle against Obito.
Takigakure - Hidden waterfall village, Kakuzu's village. I didn't know which one to use so I just picked one at random.
Naruto- Deidara's ramen had fish cakes in it, hence the name.
Jonin- They never truly say what rank Deidara was in except that he was in the explosion corps, so even though Deidara is around eleven I made him a Jonin. They never explain how shinobi systems work outside of Konoha, Suna and Kiri (excluding chunin exams). So for all we know Iwa could be pretty tough on their shinobi and they climb the ranks faster.
Nii-san - In Japan it's common for children to call people with family terms but they have different meanings, like "nee-chan" for a young woman can mean "miss". I don't know what are the rules for nii-san, but I'm having Naruto call Deidara that because he doesn't know the bomber's name yet and also because my friend and I thought it would be adorable. This is in character for Naruto as he calls Tsunade baa-chan and has called young women (and Haku) nee-san/chan.
Reviews are loved and I'll see you all again in the next chapter!
Bye! :3
