I had actually dropped this but... 1) I am feeling a lil down so fuck it, wanted to write comedy, hopefully this helps if you are having a bad day. 2) I owe this to the artist who drew the cover (and lots of other amazing stuff) so fuck it, FM abridged will continue.
Disclaimer : I am bat shit crazy and I don't give a fuck when it comes to comedy.
The two clashed-
Minato's face and the mud, that is...
"Fuck!"
He got up and braced himself, meeting the charge and praying to himself that he wouldn't fall for the thousandth time that night-
"Please, Minato..."
This time, the two legendary persona users did clash and much to the delight of Minato, the clash was followed by a wave of utter freaking chaos cause that's what messiahs do!
Steel met steel, sparks and embers flared on the ground and Minato and Tatsuya got closer and closer, growling and hissing-
Tatsuya poked Minato's eye out-
"And that's done..." Minato sighed.
The battle was really on now.
The two disengaged, looking around the desolate city before staring right back at each other like the bitter rivals that they were and as always, the battle of the century was accompanied by-
"YOU FALLEN IDIOT!"
The two rivals talking trash like two brats on Xbox-Live.
"Come on, try something new," Minato scoffed. By this point, he wasn't even sure Tatsuya even knew his name.
"You fallen dipshit!"
"462,"
"Fallen asshole!"
"785,"
"Fallen bastard!"
"OVER 9000!"
Tatsuya gave up and ran after the fallen guy again, swinging his blade that was blocked by Minato, unleashing another wave of heat and darkness that crippled everything for miles. Another clash buckled their knees but they held on, forehead to forehead.
"Grrr!"
It was intimate.
"I will fuck you..."
And passionate...
"I hope to God that was a typo," Minato rolled his eyes, eventually launching the brunette backwards with an uppercut to the chin. He walked forward and boasted, watching on as Tatsuya powered out of the wreckage, burning like the sun in utmost hatred.
"Y-You..." the brunette took a deep breath, trying to search his limited vocabulary because he didn't really speak much.
"YOU FALLEN VAGINA!"
Minato stopped midway during his wave to his imaginary followers and actually clapped, commending the new insult. "Okay, that was new. Good job."
"Thanks," Tatsuya said, panting hard because that had take out of him. "This is sorta new for this, after all."
"You're telling me," Minato nodded, knowing full well that his initial vocabulary only consisted of-
"..."
"Brings back memories..." the blue haired messiah commented with a small sniff before rage overtook him, exploding outta him like a small volcano. "THEY FUCKING FORGET THOUGH!"
"You killed Maya 2.0!"
"Fuck you!"
"Fuck your entire existence and ancestry!"
It all began again in the Dark Hour, an explosion of flames and a surge of darkness, following by the clashing of the two blades, foreheads and knuckles-
Minato tripped and collapsed down-
"HAH!" Tatsuya yelled, kicking the fallen bastard into the nearby shop that immediately crumbled to debris and eventually ashes. Poor thing never stood a chance against the fallen messiah who immediately stood up, growling and a step forward-
SQUISH-
"Minato, no..." Minato said, looking down in utmost horror-
"Tatsuya, yes!" Tatsuya yelled. Hell, he had won half the battle already.
Minato kept glancing at the bottle of mustard he had stepped on. All common reasoning and omniscience told him that he had crashed through and destroyed a fucking hotdog shop! He knew they hated each other to the core, having killed each other and friends and families and shit but this was just crossing the line.
"Blasphemy!" Minato roared at his rival.
"This is just a sign of things to come," Tatsuya assured. "I will make sure that you sleep with nothing but the vilest nightmares."
"I already sleep with Hamuko!" Minato snapped and bolted, ducking underneath the brunette and grabbing him by the waist, eyes scanning the landing point and-
"AHA!" Minato nodded and power charged his arms, launching Tatsuya in the opposite direction with a pained grunt-
Tatsuya crashed through a shop himself, burning the area around it to ashes and then nothingness and much like Minato, Tatsuya was horrified, almost falling from grace much like Minato because oh the horrors!
"You!" Tatsuya stood up to his feet, eyes wide open in hared. "You fallen dick!"
Said fallen dick had sent him crashing throuhg a taco shop!
"Look what you did to my tacos!" Tatsuya yelled.
"Look what you did to my hotdogs!" Minato yelled back, pointing back at the lone mustard bottle in the back.
"That was the only vegetation taco shop in the entire city!" Tatsuya retorted.
"Wait, you're a vegetarian?" Minato blinked.
"Yes I am!" Tatsuya snapped. "And you just destroyed my favorite shop!"
"Huh..." Minato thought for a bit. "Well, you slept with Maya so... I can get that."
"Fallen bitch!" lost in a towering rage, Tatsuya ran for him again, lunging forward to catch the emo messiah who ducked and struck back, resuming where they had left off.
"For hotdogs- I mean, my salvation!"
"For taco- I mean, the people you killed!"
"Nice helmet hairstyle you got dere," Minato sneered, in a middle of a clash. "Must help you a lot since you ride dick so hard!"
"..."
That was it.
Tatsuya's expression shifted.
Minato gulped.
"It's time now, isn't it?" the blunet sighed.
"Right in the down under..." Tatsuya confirmed.
Maybe it was because the universe loved fucking with him or maybe it was because Tatsuya had some sort of invisible armor outside the boundry of reality, at the end of their numerous battle-
SMASH-
Tatsuya always prevailed-
A nut shot.
An eye poke.
A straight punch.
"Shit, shit, shit!" Minato backtracked, barely dodging the slashes and punches as Tatsuya unleashed a flurry, sending him crashing through the buildings, only to pick him up and resume the assault. "My followers!? Where are you!?"
"All in your head!" Tatsuya broke him out of the delusion with another lunging straight to his dome, blowing the teenager backwards-
"Nova Cyther!"
"Oh shit..." MInato landed on his feet and quickly hid behind the nearby building-
Trip-
Mud-
"Fuuuuuuuuuuck!"
"Burn!" Tatsuya yelled-
Heat exploded forward and overtook the blunet messiah, forcing him to scream towards the skies like a banshee in heat while Tatsuya laughed like he had graduated.
HAH!
The torture finally came to an end and Minato fell face first into the ashes, shivering seconds later because-
"What the fuck!?"
The attack had burned off his clothes-
"Oh Minato!" It was exposed-
Except his boxers-
"Oh thank Minato," the delusional messiah sighed. That would have been the end of reality right there and then. "How the hell did it happen!?" the fates surely had something worse planned for him. He had eaten the attack numerous times and only NOW it burned off his clothes!?
"Fallen naked hobo!" Tatsuya yelled from the other side.
"Oh no," Minato yelped and stopped up, trying to cover up his manly, 16 year old physique from the followers in his head. He was almost naked during the battle of his life, only more proof that the fates just hated him. "I need clothes!"
He looked around wildly-
Until his eye actually spotted-
"What the hell...!?" he blinked and right next to his feet were a bunch of clothes.
A jacket.
A white t-shirt with the word music in the middle.
Pants.
Rainbow sneakers.
"Whatever!" Minato hurriedly put on his clothes and when he did...
The world changed.
Something just did...
Minato glanced at his reflection on the steel of his blade and just one thought came to his mind...
"I look like Makoto Yuki..."
One should never google that...
Tatsuya's yell broke him out of the trance and the brunette came lunging in with a number of fasted paced strikes, connecting the first on his face and forcing him to move back and doge the rest, barely escaping and ducking underneath the torrent of flames-
"Time to die!"
"Shit..." Minato widened his eye and saw a fist flying for his face-
Minato managed to time the punch at the last second, twirling around to dodge-
BANG-
"Huh!?"
SMASH!
It wasn't a social link this time!
Something happened and Tatsuya was sent flying into the opposite direction as if he was blasted away by an invisible force. Minato knew he was the shit and all but he also knew that he had not connected at all on Tatsuya and yet he was sent flying, actually crying out in pain.
"What just happened?" Minato glanced at his fist-
SMASH-
"Dance Arcana Max..."
"What the...?" Minato blinked, dumb folded by what the voice in his head was saying.
"Now shake that ass!"
All the confusion went away and Minato roared on the top of his lungs, fighting against the voice in his head because the suggestion was the ultimate blasphemy-
"My ass!?" Minato roared. "You dare speak of a messiah's ass!?"
Tatsuya came running out of the wreckage, closing the distance and aiming for the legs but Minato saw it coming and gracefully hopped out of the way, immediately twirling around and-
SMASH-
The same thing happened-
Tatsuya coughed out blood and collapsed down while Minato just stared at his palm, still not sure what was happening.
"..."
Was the messiah's ass really that powerful...?
"Fuck it," Minato stood on the spot and started twirling around like a midget ballerina and the damage was instantly felt as the nearby buildings just started crumbling the moment he unleashed his sick and basic dance moves, sending the invisible energy of bullshit dance magic flying for his surroundings and-
"No, no, no!" Tatsuya made a mad dash to save himself but the force crashed onto his back, hurting far more than the punches he suffered from Minato.
What the hell was even going on!?
The damage was piling up-
His senses were leaving-
Death was seconds away from taking his life-
Tatsuya blackened out but the light returned somewhat, his eyesight clearing up just enough to see his old friend, another persona user, a man who he had tremendous respect for because he was the older generation to his. That man was-
"..."
Naoya Toudou.
The resident dumb.
Naoya opened his mouth to say something, one might assume the answer to the fuckery that was going on but-
"..."
"Say something!"
The near death experience came to an end and Naoya faded away-
Minato had stopped twirling and he watched on as Tatsuya fell down, broken and bruised like never before. The messiah had no idea was going on but dammit who cared? He had put Tatsuya through the cycles right there and then!
"You fallen dancer..." Tatsuya said, standing up and glaring at the blunet who was all smiles, still on one feet because a twirl was all that he needed. "I just have one thing to say to you..."
"Speak, bitch!"
"No matter how much you dance..."
Minato frowned-
"You ain't no protag here, boy!"
Burn-
Not the literal one-
Minato stood speechless for a few seconds until the rage took over his senses and the irate messiah switched to a dancing persona, immediately gaining a wide array of slick dance moves that he was going to use to wreck that ass in style!
Tatsuya braced himself as the force came crashing again-
The same experience happened-
Naoya appeared, just about done-
"..."
Naoya tossed the marker away and held up a sign-
"You have to dance!"
Tatsuya read aloud and widened his brown eyes-
"Oh hell no!"
Naoya appeared again a few seconds later, vegetable taco in his hand.
"Alright fine..." Tatsuya spat. In the name of tacos!
The brunette powered out of the deathly feeling and came back to reality, timing Minato who was just about to-
"HAH!"
"What the..!?"
Minato's slick dance move was countered by an experienced moonwalk and backflip from Tatsuya-
The force was finally repelled.
Minato ducked to dodge the invisible whateverthefuck it was and looked ahead, observing the battered brunette who was standing on one leg, stance taken as if he was actually an experienced dancer.
"How did you..." Minato wondered. Did he have a dancing persona too...?
"You forced me to use this," Tatsuya panted. "This is all your fault. You brought this side out of me, a side that I kept locked up."
"But how...?" Minato blinked.
"I am from the other side, ya know?" Tatsuya reminded. "And... let's just say... there were a lot of rumors that my dances were arousing..."
"Why, when and how?" Minato questioned again.
"I dunno," Tatsuya shrugged. "Someone had a dancing kink?"
"Your world is fucked up-"
"Beside the point!" Tatsuya yelled, holding up his fists and forcing the blunet to match him, ready for a-
Dance off...
The two rivals danced in the ruined city, matching each other dance move for dance move, wrecking shit but never stopping, pulling new moves out of their asses to keep up-
Minato unplugged the headphones from his mp3 and the music blared-
"Aww, yeah!" Minato yelled-
"Change the track, fallen musician!"
The dance off kept on going until-
"Haah... Haah..."
It ended in a stalemate.
Minato actually managed a draw this time!
The two rivals collapsed down, exhausted from the dancing despite having god level endurance and stamina.
Minato's condition went from good to great.
Tatsuya's had zero affinity left.
"Wow, you actually managed to draw one this time," Tatsuya said. "How does it feel, fallen bitch?"
"I feel like Maya after a long HARD day of work," Minato spat back.
"You little!" Tatsuya stood up, still ready to dance-
"No wait!" Minato said, standing up as well with his hands up in the air. "Listen, it won't do any good. We'll never get out of this stalemate!"
"So what?" Tatsuya spat.
Minato thought for a while. The stuff that happened was unexplainable at first but now it was starting to make sense. The day started off weird with that dream and the suggestion from Elizabeth but now...
It was starting to make sense.
"Listen..." Minato said. "I can see the future and..."
"Bullshit!" Tatsuya hissed.
"Okay fine, someone I know can... welp, used to know saw the future and..." Minato stopped and mulled over his next new words carefully. "Ya know what... Just... Just let the flashback take care of it!" he pointed at the sky.
Tatsuya frowned. "What?"
"Look up at the sky!" Minato ordered.
"Why!?"
"So the flashback can start!" Minato rolled his eyes.
Tatsuya looked up and-
"Minato-sama..."
"You have to..."
"Wank..."
The flashback came to an end and Tatsuya threw up a little inside his mouth just from imaging that. Yikes, that was going to remain in his head for a while.
"She said that," Minato said, refering to what he previously assumed was blasphemy from Elizabeth. "But what she actually meant was... Dance!"
Tatsuya hated the fallen midget but it was clear after the dance off that something weird had happened to the world because for some reason now, dance moves were capable of damaging enemies but there was this one question was the flashback-
"How did she get wank from dance...?" Tatsuya wondered.
"Oh, that's nothing," Minato scoffed. "She went from annihilate to kiss once upon a time... although I preferred the former, actually."
"Your face?" Tatsuya asked.
"M-Moving on," Minato said, tryin to change the subject. "Listen, we'll always be in a stalemate with this so I suggest we team up for once..."
"Like dance together!?" Tatsuya took a step back.
"Against Nyarlathotep..."
Tatsuya stopped in the middle of his sentence and looked down. If there any one asshole he hated more than the fallen asshole, it was Nyarlathotep.
"We dance together, kill Nyarlathotep because he'll most likely try to kill me and you and then we can... I dunno, dance some more!" Minato suggested. "Look, this is the perfect chance, even my weaklings team mate can help for once in their pathetic lives!"
"Why is this even happening?" Tatsuya said.
"I don't know," Minato shrugged. "Maybe someone loves seeing me dance?"
"Ugh, fine," Tatsuya groaned, with a team of well trained dancers they could actually pull this one off. "I hate your face but I'll play along but remember, if you backstab me I will..."
"Do a belly dance and blind me for life, I know!" Minato scowled. "Come on, I've got to let the other idiots know."
The two rivals left Sumaru City...
"I shook my ass better, I just know it!"
"Oh, fuck you!"
Still aruging and talking trash like two brats on Xbox-Live.
...
SMASH!
Poor door never stood a chance as Minato walked right through the piece of wood. Yeah, there was no door save from Minato for he was the ultimate door and none came close.
"You're back!" Hamuko cheered. "Ooooh, you look great, Minato!" she grinned, eyeing his new clothes and headphones.
Tatsuya stepped inside next and people lost it-
"The fanfiction is reality!" Fuuka cried-
"Quick! Someone get a camera and zoom in on the first kiss!" Yukari yelled.
"Ugh," Tatsuya had an aneurysm just standing there for a seconds.
"Hey," Minato yelled at Hamuko who stood up and smiled. "Dance."
Hamuko stopped at the weird request before the smile returned to her face. "Ah, so that's your kink, huh? I calllllllled it!"
"Hamuko, shut up and dance!" Minato snapped. "Switch your person and dance, right now!"
"We'll do it without rhino dick pills for once!" Hamuko got off the couch, switched her persona and-
BANG-
The roof flew off the dorm-
SMASH-
Invisible energy crashed everywhere-
SQUISH-
"Ah fuck!"
Hamuko eventually stopped the dance with a graceful twirl, bowing down briefly while the others stood in absolute shock. Just what the hell had happened!?
Junpei was almost knocked out.
Ken was on his knees.
Akihiko looked like he had seen a bodybuilding contest in all it's glory.
A certain grave in the cemetery started shaking.
Minato's eye was bleeding, again. "Ah fuck!" that little jump in the end had blinded him in the eye.
"What just happened?" Mitsuru wondered.
"So it happened again," Tatsuya mused. "Why is the club still standing in the city? People ought to be dancing there too..."
"Maybe this power is just for persona users," Minato said and faced the other weaklings. "Hey listen, you all are going to learn how to dance!"
"But I-" Mitsuru opened her mouth-
"Shut up and listen to the dancing messiah!" Minato snapped. "We're dancing together to take down one asshole who is a pain in my ass and he'll help us." he pointed at the brunette who was bleeding outta his eyes, ears and nose.
"Why?" Yukari blinked-
"THE STORY HAS TO GO ON!" Minato yelled, punching the nearby wall and shattering it as well. "Shut the fuck up and get your asses to online dancing websites. Let's get this mockery over with and quickly!"
The rest quickly ran off upstairs and Minato sat down, his palm meeting his face.
"I used to inspire fear!" Minato hissed. "How and why is this happening!?"
"Hell if I know," Tatsuya spat and left the dorm to cool off his head. "Fallen bad dancer!"
Minato managed to calm himself down because there were bigger things on the horizon. Maybe Elizabeth meant this, maybe his death was going to be at the hands of Nyarlathotep. The ancient evil was deceptive and cunning and Minato's death was most likely on the top of his wishlist-
He was the messiah after all.
Minato got and started moving-
Trip-
He fell down on Hamuko's chest.
"I know you loved me!" Hamuko squealed and grabbed onto him-
The night was finally over.
But the final battle remained.
...
Nyarlathotep opened his cellphone and read outloud.
"Stick your tentacles up your own ass!"
It was from Minato-
"And eat a dick while you are at it!"
Seemed like his minion had rebelled.
"I quit. I am coming for dat ass!" he read the last warning and widened his eyes. Seemed like Minato had figured out his plan and was now coming to fight him.
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Poor child had no idea. He was walking straight into his death for he had no chance!
Beep-
Nyarlathotep opened his cellphone-
"Looking like me won't magically give you a dick, dickless!"
Nyarlathotep stared at the screen for a full minute-
"Fuuuuuuuuuck!"
Now he had done it!
The battle was really on now.
In a way he was not expecting...
There you go. Minato unlocked the dance arcana and formed an uneasy alliance with Tatsuya.
What will happen next?
How will Nyar respond?
Will they win the fight?
Will Tatsuya ever find another vegetable taco?
Find out next time, on the final chapter!
