So much writing, x.x thank god this is the last uber long chapter for a while. But I had fun writing this. So that's all that that matters.. my beta begs to differ.
Thank you guys so much for the follows and favorites, and holy shit so many reviews! I may need to change how I format the responses, I will let you guys know when those changes happen!
MeiaAdey12: Glad you liked this chapter! I used these chapters to mostly contain scenes that I thought wouldn't fit as side stories.
Tawnypelt37: No amount of ice can heal that burn. :3
JustQuokka: Added a little segment about his weakness for lightning. No metal bending cause that's too much outside of his kekkei genkai, the most he will learn is some form of earthbending, but it will drain him of chakra pretty fast.
Sweet-Strawberry-09: Welcome to the community hun! Glad you like my story!
Shinobi of the Hidden Lead: Aw, I care, he makes things interesting! :D
Yurei Hanatsuki: Senpai doesn't like noticing people in general. XD Also, I added a part with Kikaichu in this chapter.
Notsae: But then I couldn't make fun of him more in Shippuden! He needs more burns. D:
Silverwolf310: I hope you like it!
ArmCannos34: Thanks! Hidan was the product of late night viewings of women roasting men via text videos on youtube! XD
Guest: (The nice one) Glad you liked it!
VenaHope: I know, my beta almost passed out.
Guest: (The other one) Aw, honey, you shouldn't talk about yourself that way. In all seriousness, trolling doesn't work on me. Because I will throw what you say back in your face. :3 Thanks for the view though!
IsraAl'Attia-Theron: You made me laugh so hard seeing your review. XD
Guest33: No problem! You asked a lot of questions that needed detailed explanations. So you get them! I'm glad that things are going at a steady pace, since I am detailed orientated I like to make sure everything is covered. I'll have more interactions with Kakashi later but my god, so many characters x.x Kishimoto, why you make 50 dozen people? Kids like Sakura NEED to be taught discipline at a young age before they begin to act like brats, otherwise, like you said, would get her killed. I'm glad that I clarified the whole relationship viewpoint to you and I'm super glad you liked the New Years, I almost cried writing it tbh. Just use whatever pronoun you like hun, Dei is mentally a girl but physically a boy. I actually never thought of it like that, I just wanted chocobos in the story XD but who knows? I may add more creatures later. Don't know about C4, seems like that's the strongest explosion without being nuclear (I ain't going near that stuff), but she'll learn more earth jutsu. Summons? Dunno, most likely not, they'd die. I love that title, may I use "notebook of doom" please? Either way, it's fate shall remain a mystery. Dei's thoughts on Naru-chan's treatment are more of passing statements because… let's be honest, he is like a mother bear, do you really think he'd allow ANYONE to harm a hair on his baby's head? Added a part with Danzo in this part! Thanks for reminding me and for the thoughtful review! I really appreciate it!
Tanner Clark(x8): Welcome to the community! Glad you are enjoying it! My beta and I got really excited seeing someone who ships Dei with Itachi. XD
"Blah" - Talking
'Blah' - Thinking
"Blah" - English
"Blah" - Kurama
Warning: Swears, maternal instincts, Danzo (Yuck), Anko (Yay!), violence, disturbing imagery (That isn't Danzo's face), underage drinking, fluff.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, if I did there would be an Akatsuki hot springs scene.
Year 3, month 3
Holy shit, I didn't realize how badly I needed adult interaction until I started hanging out with Anko. Don't get me wrong, I love my brothers, I love Hinata, hell Sasuke and Sakura are worming their way into my heart… but they're children, and minus Kimimaro they have the mentality of kids. I've been starving for someone that I can make adult jokes with and have them understand me!
"So, how old are you Dei-chan?" Oh… yeah she calls me Dei-chan, kill me please.
"I'll be 13 in May, un." I've been waiting for that question actually, I think most people assume that I'm 18 or something. They're not wrong in a way, I carry myself with that mentality.
Apparently Anko had the same thought process, her eyes bulge out as she nearly drops her dango, which I caught. "Wait… you're almost 9 years younger than me, yet you made those kinds of jokes to that guy?"
"Who, Hidan? Yep!" I pop the p at the end while taking a casual sip of my tea. It's fun messing with people about my age and gender.
She looks at me confused while making random hand gestures in my direction. It took me a moment to understand them.
'Ooooh she's wondering how I know those jokes and why I seem older. I love girl code.'
"I am mature for my age, un. It keeps people from underestimating me." I state with a shrug.
"B...But… you… I mean…" Uh… I think I broke my new friend.
"Anko-san? Hello?" I wave my smiling hand in her face to snap her out of it. "Don't worry too much about how I know this stuff. I just read a lot, un."
Oh yes, I've read LOTS of stuff.
Year 3, month 4
When I wasn't experimenting C4 on random giant insects in the Forest of Death, on missions, or spending time with Anko or the kiddies, I was hunting down something.
In a very remote bookshop in Amegakure, how ironic, I finally found what I was looking for.
The Tale of the Utterly Gutsy Shinobi By Jiraya.
It was old, considering it looks as though no one has picked it up, but minus some signs of age it was in perfect condition. I grabbed the book and a few other novels for the boys to also enjoy and paid the old lady who runs the bookshop.
She looks at Jiraiya's novel, "Oh my, I wasn't aware that I had this book."
I rub my neck sheepishly, "I've been looking for it for a while, I was lucky enough to find it in this shop in such a good condition, un." Hopefully I can get Jiraya to sign it.
"Well I hope you enjoy your reading young man." Lady, I love you, you guessed my gender right using my voice.
"Thank you ma'am." I bow politely to the old lady as she giggles at my actions. I then quickly left the rain village because it was too close to the Sound for my liking.
Wait… Otogakure.
Late month 4 (AN:This is a long one)
Two weeks of prepping and getting permission from Hiruzen to "Bring another lost soul into the village, un." I headed towards Otogakure. Or… at least what will be Oto, it's not on any maps yet.
I must be a glutton for just messing with Orochimaru. I can't help it, it's so much fun!
However this is yet another gamble, I have no idea how Orochimaru's hideouts work nor do I know who lives where besides Suigetsu. So I'm going in blind.
I managed to sneak into the hideout with minor difficulty. There are a lot of snakes in the area and none of them liked me. Pity, the tigers in the Forest of Death come right up to me for snuggles, but snakes? Nope, they hate me.
Removing my shoes and putting them away I stomp the ground to get a feeling of the area. "Ooooh, how lucky! They're in this hideout!... Aw shit, so is the snake himself… Odd… no Kabuto." On solo missions I speak purely in English, it allows me to speak freely without worry of eavesdropping.
I cautiously walk through the empty hallways. As long as I keep an eye... feet… on Oro's location I can avoid him. Seems like he's experimenting on… I forgot his name, it's spider boy from the Sound Ninja four.
I managed to find the prisons deep within the structures, I don't see Tatuya or… fuck, I forgot the fat guy's name too. They died too quickly and overall never caught my interest. Ignoring all the taunts and jeers from the unnamed prisoners, I stand in front of a cell with my target...s.
"You and your brother want out of there, un?"
Sakon looks up at me in confusion, Ukon remained silent as I begin sculpting some clay.
"What?"
"I said, do you two want out of there? Come on, make up your mind before that pedo-snake shows up, un." Sakon slowly stands, I take in at how thin they are. These two weren't treated properly I guess. And they share a body frequently too.
"Why make the offer…?" Well, at least he's not complaining.
"Because I'm taking you two to Konoha, I'll explain everything there. Stand back, I'm blowing up the doors. Once it's open you run, do as I say and you're free, un." Sakon backs away as I blow up the door with a "katsu."
Almost instantly, Sakon bolts out and I am right on his tail, Ukon gives me a WTF face as I wave at him.
"I'm Deidara by the way, un."
"Sakon, and my older brother, Ukon is the one looking at you."
Ukon blinked at me, "Hello." Kinda creepy considering he's just a head.
These two always interested me, you never see twins in the show besides fillers... or they appear for one episode then die. Their ability to become one body and possess bodies also interested me, these two are ones I definitely want as allies.
That, and Kimimaro needs more friends.
I can feel Orochimaru heading over here at high speeds, without thinking I have my clay chocobos appear and make the twins get on one. "Wait for me outside, un!" The brothers vanish from my sights.
"Oh, it's you again."
Oooh that voice brought shivers down my spine, and not bad shivers. I turn to see Orochimaru observing me. Fun fact: I actually like Oro, he is an interesting villain and I rarely get to see scientific geniuses being created without being total psychos. Plus, his appearance as a child is just squee worthy.
I give him a bow, not a mocking one, I'm being polite for the moment. "How do you do, Orochimaru-sama? I am pleased to inform you that this is not the last time I will be interfering with your research, un!" Kami, I all but chirped that out.
Even he seemed confused by the positive energy I'm radiating out. "Why those two out of any other prisoner?" He's asking the good ones here.
I then broke into English, "Because I knew they were in your hands at this time, also Sasori says hi! I really must go now, I need to prepare for Itachi's return to the Leaf." The man only understood "Sasori" and "Itachi", and now he is probably under the impression that I am secretly working for the Akatsuki.
Kabuto will be busy for a while, I expect to see him soon.
… I really should mess with the guy during the Chunin exams.
Oro began to weave hand signs, his bloodlust oozing out like liquid fire. I responded by setting off several C1s, hopped onto the other chocobo and noped the fuck out of there!
A few minutes of riding later and I find the twins waiting for me. They were separated and conversing with each other. When I approached, they quietly looked at me.
Nobody moved until Ukon cleared his throat, "We don't care why you freed us… but we are grateful, we will follow you to Konoha." Neither bowed, thank Kami, but they seemed to understand that I had good intentions.
I sighed with relief, "Oh, good, I was worried I would have to beat you two into coming with me, un." They flinch slightly, fuuuuucccckkk, I keep forgetting these two were experimented on to the point of becoming sadistic jackasses.
"Sorry... poor choice of words there. Let's just go, un!" They agreed, obviously annoyed by my word choice.
During the ride back to the village I inform them about Konoha, the laws, where they would live which was next door to me. I also asked them about the academy, and thankfully, these ten year olds seemed interested in learning. I also informed them about Kimimaro and they planned on introducing themselves to him later.
Reaching the village we were greeted by Anko, who after smothering me in a hug, questioned who the twins were.
"I found them locked in a cell, this weird snake guy tried to stop me but I got them away, un." All it took was for me to say "snake guy" and she began checking over the twins. "They're suffering from malnutrition, but I don't sense any issues with their organs."
Anko sighed in relief before helping me take the twins to meet Hiruzen. While the guys talked, Anko pulled my into the hallway.
"Look, I won't go charging headfirst into this, but where did you find them? I need to know…"
"In a series of underground tunnels several miles from Amegakure. I found them and a bunch of other prisoners… they were the only kids, un." That I could get to at least. Spider boy was with Oro. "The adults were… monstrous, deranged, nothing about them seemed human…"
Anko put a hand on my shoulder to stop me, "Well, I'll help keep an eye on those two. I…" She bites her nail, "I was that man's student a long time ago, and…" Her hand touches where the curse seal was sitting on her neck. Right, Orochimaru did have the curse seal, Juugo just helped perfect it.
I give her a hug, "Thank you for the support Anko, un." She returns the hug, but our moment is interrupted by Sakon.
"WE WILL NOT BE SENT TO A HOSPITAL!"
Mama mode activated. I barge into the room and see Sakon and Ukon being held down by ANBU. "OI!" Everyone pauses and looks at me, "Let me talk with the kids, off. Now." My lack of a grunt makes the ANBU fling themselves off the boys, learning first hand how protective I can get. I nearly beaten one to death when they got too handsy on Naruto after a prank gone bad.
At an instant, the twins rush to hide behind me. Why do chibis cling to me so easily?
"We will not be tested on!" Ukon.
"You said we wouldn't be put in anymore labs!" That was Sakon.
I pinch the bridge of my nose, "They are not going to experiment on you two, if anything they want to try to reverse any damage Orochimaru may have caused on your bodies, un. You both are skinny and can fuse together. Just… let the doctors take care of you…" I give them a reassuring smile, "I'll stay with you two the whole time."
With that promise they cooperated. Sadly, all of the damage Oro had done was permanent and they need to go through therapy, but it could be worse. They, at least, are curse seal free.
I helped them settle in the apartment next door to mine and invited them to dinner. Naruto was confused by the fact that they are identical, but Kimimaro got along swimmingly with them.
"Kimi-kun, would you show them around the academy tomorrow? They will be in yours and Neji-kun's class." They are Neji's age after all.
Kimi nods at me, "Yes, Nii-sama." Before walking the twins to their apartment.
My little army of chibis gets bigger and bigger every year.
Year 3, month 5
After a month, I didn't worry too much about the twins, Kimimaro kept them in line and they provided Neji and my brother new fighting styles to work with. Ukon and Sakon never leave each other's sides and even use the fact they can fuse as one to their advantage.
Apparently, there was a lot of chaos when they first showed their abilities off at the academy. (AN:I will make a side story later.)
Other than that, the boys made me celebrate my birthday with them. I just requested they dress up and we had dinner at a nice sushi restaurant. Nothing fancy, I just wanted sushi.
Year 3, month 6
Something is crawling on my arm.
Looking down at my arm, I am greeted by hell's creation. A creature so vile, so ugly, it drives me insane just looking at it.
If it's not obvious enough, I hate bugs. A lot.
I raise my other hand to smack the bug. Sending it down with enough force to bruise, I halt just before smashing the creature when I see its eyes.
… Well fuck, it's a kikaichu.
I quickly look around, hand still hovering the offending bug until I lock eyes with Shino. I could feel myself sweatdrop, he really is hard to notice.
"Ah… Aburame-kun, could you have your insects remove themselves from me please? I almost smashed one, un." Shino holds out his arm and I had to hold back a scream as dozens fly off my body. How the flying duck… I mean fuck did I not feel them?!
"They are attracted to your chakra." Was all he said before leaving.
I spent the next half hour neck deep in a hot bath and I didn't sleep for two days.
I am grateful no one in this village uses spiders.
Yeah I'm not going to find spider boy… KIDOMARU! That's his name! … I like spider boy more.
Year 3, month 7
Anko has been helping me work on C4. Whenever we went out on missions together she would keep our other teammates on a bird, while I tested my control on bandits or missing nins that attacked us. It's still inaccurate but I am now able to control how far they fly off.
Year 3, month 9
Instead of sulking in my room, I went to find Sasuke.
"Hey… Duck-kun?"
Sasuke looks over at me, obviously confused as to why I look like someone whose dog just died. My hair was down in a braid and I was hugging one of my arms. Honestly, I doubt I can ever go through this month without suffering from depression.
"Your clan has connections to ninnekos… right, un?"
He nods, motioning me to continue.
"Do you think… maybe… you could…" Kami, it physically hurt to try to ask Sasuke for a favor. I've known this kid for almost 3 years and the old bias I have of him still looms over my head. "... Can I meet them…?"
"I didn't know you liked cats." Sasuke tilts his head in thought. He's a lot more sociable than his original counterpart, so less hn's and more words.
"Yeah…"
He pauses to think, finally he nods, "We'll need one of your birds."
I poofed a bird from clay pouch without hesitation. Helping Sasuke on, I joined him and let him direct me to the Abandoned City.
It certainly holds its namesake. Reminds me of something out of those dystopian young adult novels that were extremely popular in middle school.
I quietly followed Sasuke to where Nekobaa greeted us at her place. I bowed to her politely, but what I was focused on were the ninnekos.
Apparently the cats were also interested in me, as I now have about five of them purring around me.
"You have weird chakra, nya~"
"Oh yes, but it is a good chakra nya~"
"Nya, you smell like two people nyanya~"
"We like you, you may stroke our fur human." Oh hey, one didn't meow.
I saw no reason to complain as I laid on my stomach and began petting these deadly creatures. Several began to curl on my back while others demanded ear scratches or belly rubs. Both Nekobaa and Sasuke were watching in astonishment, as these usually finicky animals were being friendly to a non-Uchiha.
What can I say? Cats have always liked me.
This went on for a few hours, Sasuke did a few tasks for Nekobaa and I kept the ninnekos busy. When it was time to leave I was covered in cat fur and all smiles.
"Thanks for bringing my here Duck-kun, un!"
"Hn. Your depressed attitude was freaking me out, don't act like that again."
Aw, he cares.
Year 3, month 10
Naruto was taking a nap while Kimimaro was out training with Neji and the twins. I'm boredly watching over Naruto while he slept. Reading isn't helping because the squirt snores.
Soon, I just ended up staring at his stomach, the temptation was right there. Rising from my seat, I quietly pad over to Naruto, hovering over him I gently place a hand over his stomach. I let chakra flow through my hand and allowed my mind to go blank.
"Who are you human?"
I open my eyes, only to lock onto two red orbs behind a cage.
"Holy shit that worked, un!"
"Answer me, or I'll kill you!"
Gaara much? "Chill Kurama, I ain't here to cause problems. Just wanted to check up on you, not like you could kill me, un."
The Kyuubi paused, he then leans forward, practically pressing his face against the bars. "How do you know my name?"
I let out one of those breathless laughs and approach the bars. "You're an all powerful creature. One-ninth of the Juubi and an all knowing being, you know who I am, un."
He lets out a deep, throaty laugh, "You are indeed smart for a welp. Child born twice, why are you here? To set me free so that I may rip this host apart and kill these pathetic humans?"
I gave him my famous, "are you stupid?" look before placing my hands on my hips.
"Hm… I guess not."
"No shit fluffy. Like I said, I wanted to drop by and say hi. I'm not going to set you free. Naruto needs to meet his parents, un."
Kurama scoffs, making no comment on my nickname, "You humans and your emotional attachments… then what are you doing here?"
"Kurama…" I give him a smile, "Guess what this human sees."
"A tool for war. A weapon." Damn, I forgot fluffy hated humans at this point.
"Nah, you're just a big fuzzball, un." I smack my fists against my cheeks as I look at him with big sparkly eyes. "And when you and Naruto become friends, I am going to brush the hell out of your fur, and pet your ears, and pet your fwuffy tails and just oogle you wif wove!" I just start gushing in nonsensical baby talk as the giant fox before me has no idea how to respond.
"...You're not right in the head."
"I was reborn as a bomber who's obsessed with art, raising your host, and trying to change the future despite not knowing who sent me here. What tipped you off, un?"
"When you refered to my tails as 'fwuffy'" Kurama saying fwuffy just made my year.
I could sense Naruto waking up, "Well it was nice meeting you, bye Kurama!" I then broke the connection as Naruto woke up.
"Gah… Deidara-nii, why are you leaning over me dattebayo?"
"Wanna have ramen?" When in doubt, avoid the subject.
"HELL YEAH DATTEBAYO!"
Year 3, month 12
Wow, took me three years to have a one on one with this asshole.
"You have gotten stronger at an unbelievably fast rate child, I must applaud you." That's nice, only you're not clapping.
Gritting my teeth I bow, "Thank you Danzo...sama." Bleh, someone give me bleach! The substance or the anime, either works! "What is it you wished to speak to me about, un?"
"I want to know what you are planning boy." Awww, is the wittle old man afraid of me?
Good.
"I want to make Konoha a better place where anyone can feel welcomed, as this beautiful village has welcomed me, un." I am such a kiss-ass.
He seemed satisfied with my response, slowly leaning forward he opens his eye to look at me, "How would you like to become stronger? To tap into your hidden potential. ROOT may offer you things Hiruzen could not."
I'd sooner accept a hickey from Orochimaru, at least he's somewhat good looking.
Again, I hold my tongue and bow, "With all due respect," there is none, "I must decline. Danzo-sama, you offer me nothing that I desire, un."
"What is it you desire?"
"My brothers to be happy, the future to be bright, and someone's head on a beautiful silver platter after hours of agonizing torture, un."
He seemed interested, "Who?"
"Someone you cannot personally give me, un. Farewell." I then leave, spooking his ROOT members with my wide eyed cheshire grin.
'After all, you cannot personally give me your own head without cutting it off.'
Year 4, month 2
I never knew what a parental heart attack truly felt like until today.
I heard Kimimaro cough.
Naruto's gotten sick before, same with Sasuke, and I took care of them like any parent should, soup and a nice warm bed. But Kimimaro died because of his illnesses, I had him tested almost as soon as I got him into Konoha, but they found nothing.
Until now apparently, jackasses.
I dragged Kimimaro to the hospital, literally dragged as he tried to get to school. He would protest but at some point I had screamed at him with a "Shut the fuck up, un!" And he stayed quiet, understanding that I am close to a panic attack.
Kimimaro's health is considered S-rank, due to the information I gave Hiruzen, him living in the same house as the Kyuubi host, and because he is the last of his clan. I learned first hand that Sasuke and Naruto's health records are also S-class information. Sasuke because he's from a prestigious clan and Naruto is for obvious reasons.
Needless to say, only ANBU ranked medical shinobi can examine Kimimaro.
I sat in the hospital room anxiously bouncing my leg while Kimi sat on the bed shirtless, waiting for the doctor. At some point I started quoting movies in English because neither art, nor reading calmed me down. How my brother remained calm is beyond me.
"Sorry for the wait. Shall we begin?"
Well fuck me sideways and call me Harry Potter. If I didn't recognize THAT voice I would have failed as a Naruto fan. The only reason I'm not shoving a bomb so far up his ass he'll vomit it out is because he is a skilled medical shinobi. But that hood and ANBU mask is not enough to hide his identity.
'Fuck you Kabuto.'
Is what I would be saying, but my maternal instincts are in the "FIX MY BABY YOU ASSHOLE!" mode so all I could do is is smile and nod. "Yes please, un."
As Kabuto examines Kimimaro and takes notes, he asks me questions, "What does his diet consist?"
"High calcium and protein."
"Activity level?"
"Chunin level taijutsu and main sparring partners are two high speed academy students and a Hyuuga, un." Keeping my answers professional enough to keep Kabuto from becoming suspicious. To him, I just sound like a worried brother.
"Oh? Chunin level at this age? Interesting. Well, I need to draw some blood and other samples, if you are uncomfortable you may step ou-"
"Just stick him please, un."
He pauses at my informal tone that I started using before taking several vials worth of blood. I've had enough blood tests myself to know that he took way too many vials, but I know some of those will be going to Orochimaru.
Whatever, as long as Kimimaro gets a cure I don't care who fixes him.
He also had Kimi use his kekkei genkai so he could collect bone marrow and after a basic check up, sending half of the samples to a lab. I don't even bother questioning about the other half.
"You'll get results in a few days."
I bow politely while keeping a bright happy voice, "I cannot wait to see you die in agonizing pain you glasses wearing asshole. Sad past or not, you get no pity from me. If I do not kill you, you can bet Kimimaro will."
"Pardon?"
"Oh!" I fake a smile while covering my mouth with the tips of my fingers, "So sorry, I can speak two languages and sometimes the other one slips. I said 'thank you for your help and I hope you have a wonderful day. Kimimaro and I looks forward the results' , un."
Kimimaro has a face that says "Nii-sama you are full of bullshit." but makes no comment on it. He's heard me speak in English enough to identify all of the basic curse words and death threats.
"Ah, well thank you." He leaves, but I let my English "slips" again
"Fuck you."
"Nii-sama you shouldn't swear at doctors."
"Shush baby, mommy's mad."
"... I will just pretend you did not refer to yourself as mommy."
"Good boy, un."
A few days later
Kimimaro's results are in. I am going over them with him in that same room, with the same masked asshole sitting in a medical chair.
"Am I still going to be a shinobi, Nii-sama?"
"Duh, I'm not going to let your hard work go to waste. The labs caught it early enough to where if we keep your diet balanced and you visit here often it SHOULD be gone, un." 'That, and I am so going to make Tsunade heal you.'
Kabuto tries to but in, "If I may provide some advice, I know a doc-"
"Thank you but I must refuse your offer. If it's not on this file, I am not going to follow it, un." With the exception of Tsunade of course. I calmly take my brother out of the room while Kabuto began internally kicking himself for not tampering with the file.
"You do not like that man, do you Nii-sama?"
"If there wasn't several dozen innocent people in this building I would have killed him by now."
"...Why?"
"I'll tell you if I kill him, un."
"Okay."
Year 4, month 4
Kimimaro is going to graduate soon and I am on pins and needles. I already confirmed with Hiruzen that Neji will be on team Gai, but Kimimaro and the twins originally worked for Orochimaru. I have no idea who would be their sensei.
That is, I wouldn't have an idea, but I remembered that I'll be a jonin in a month. Just enough time to become a sensei.
"You wish to be the sensei of Kimimaro, Ukon and Sakon?" Hiruzen gives me a questioning gaze.
"Yes, I brought them to this village, thus I shall take full responsibility of their actions and development as shinobi, un."
The old man sighs, "Deidara… are you sure?" I feel a lecture coming soon.
"I'll be okay. Besides, once everyone graduates I will no longer be training them, un."
Hiruzen sits in his chair and stares at me for several minutes, eventually, he frowns. "No."
My mind blanks out at the blunt answer. "Huh..?" I need to make sure I heard him correctly
"I said no, you will not be their sensei, or any other genin team's sensei."
I just tilt my head, I want to hear his reasonings, though it doesn't stop a small tinge of annoyance to bubble within me. 'Bottle it up, don't explode, keep calm.'
"My first reason has to do with age, Deidara I am fully aware that mentally, you are an adult. However physically you are still a teenager, and you do not have any experience in running a genin team. Even if you know them."
Can't argue with that logic… wait, he said "first reason"... what is his second?
"My second reason has to do with your own mental health."
'Pardon…?'
"Naruto… has been telling me that you've been stressed lately, not eating enough and often coming home so exhausted that you pass out almost instantly. You're pushing yourself past your limit."
'I can handle it…'
"You don't have to burden yourself with all of this stress. Surely you can take some time to relax?"
'You don't understand…'
"You're 13, why not act like a kid and enjoy life?"
"I don't…"
He pauses and waits for me to continue.
I feel my legs give out and I fall onto my knees. "I… don't know how to act like a kid…"
He raises an eyebrow, "Why not?"
"The same reason half of your jounins are mentally broken, I was forced… to grow up, build up walls and by the time I allowed them to break, I was at an age where being childish was seen as a bad thing, un. I would act silly and the adults around me would tell me to 'act my age' … I don't know what having a childhood is like."
"War?"
I just shake my head, "... Who will be their sensei then?"
Hiruzen ignores my question, walks over to where I am and pulls me into a hug. His grandfatherly aura overwhelmed my own.
"Anko said she would teach them."
I couldn't stop my body from nearly collapsing with relief. At least the boys are in good hand.
May 5th
Not only was it my birthday, but I was also promoted to jounin, as per to our agreement to have me promoted when I became 14.
Anko decided to take me to a resturant that for some reason had a lot of sake options.
"Anko, you do realize I cannot drink alcohol yet, right?" I look over at my adult friend skeptically as she orders herself a thing of sake and some food. I just had some sushi and water.
"You worry too much Dei-chan! Lighten up, it's your birthday!"
Easy for her to say, I have paperwork to do to officially adopt the boys and Kimimaro is graduating soon. I sigh, 'Maybe everyone's right. I rarely give myself a break…'
I'm so preoccupied by my thought that I didn't realize Anko handed me a cup that was not my water glass. With a blank expression and a zoned out mind, I take a sip of what my body thought was my water.
It wasn't water.
I've tasted alcoholic drinks in my past life and it was never pretty. I nearly vomited tasting beer, I drank half a glass of sprite after a sip of sake, and I did a spit take in a bathroom sink after trying wine. I found them disgusting and never understood why adults like them.
Apparently, this body shares my sentiments because once I tasted the sake, I sprayed it on Anko, who busted out laughing.
"Ewewewewewewwwwwwwww!" I proceed to stuff my mouth with eel as the sake's flavor began settling on my tongue.
Anko's crying with laughter, "A-aw man, guess you're not a drinker then!"
I then proceed to pounce her and we basically wrestled while nearby patrons were unsure what to think about this. Sadly, I got my ass kicked despite the older woman being in hysterics.
Eventually, I joined in the laughter. I needed this, I needed a distraction as time begins to run out on me.
Eventually, Anko got off me and we left after paying. She took me to a quiet spot away from people, "You've been tense. What's up?" Why am I so open?
I swallow a lump in my throat, I really want to tell her the truth, but I can't bring myself to trust her yet. I guess I can just give her half of the truths behind my stress.
"I have a mission to kill Danzo in a year."
Even the crickets shut up. Anko forces a laugh thinking it's a joke, but then seeing how I'm just staring at my lap she stops. "You're not kidding huh?" A nod from me makes her continue, "Then don't take the mission if you don't want to."
"Trust me… I want to, un. It's not killing him that I'm afraid of…"
"You're stressed and afraid of what's gonna happen afterwards?"
I nod again.
"What's the plan? We're friends Dei-chan, so common, spill it out. If that old farts gonna croak in a year, I want in."
Kami, I'm grateful to have met Anko.
Without hesitation I tell her everything about the Uchiha massacre, Itachi being innocent, Shisui's eye, how Hiashi is involved. That got her attention.
"Okay wait, how the hell did you get the head of the Hyuuga clan to tag along?" Glad to know you have your priorities there Anko! I just gave you some of the most well hidden informations in the Five Great Nations, and you're focused on Hiashi?
"... well I sorta, maybe took his daughter under my wing, un."
"So he basically owes you a favor?"
"Basically, un."
"... I want in."
"Have I ever told you how much I love you?"
"You could stand to say it more often." She gives me a cheeky grin.
I snort, "Don't plan on it, I like men remember?"
"Aw, how could you resist all this?" She teasingly gestures to herself.
"Very easily actually, un."
We spent the rest of the evening joking and laughing.
Year 4, month 6
Okay, I need to address this, it's been bugging me for the past three months and I can't stop the odd feeling in my gut.
But I think I'm being stalked by a crow.
I know, it's crazy, but everytime I go somewhere or do something, there's a single fucking crow just perched nearby staring at me with it's dark eyes. Honestly it's a little nerve wracking.
Right now, I'm taking a break from training and having a staring contest with this bag of feathers on a branch. I know it's the same one because it doesn't caw. Ever.
'I wonder if this is one of Itachi's crows.' I take a breath and began to talk to the bird, "Hey birdie. You should go find your friends. Shoo, shoo, un." I wave at the bird, hoping to scare it. The crow just ignores me and begins preening itself.
I tried to throw some clay, and the fucker dodges it; kicking the tree, and my foot got hurt and the crow looked as if it was laughing. Finally, I decide to try something.
"Hey cutie, those colors still clash with my hair, un." The crow snapped its head at me so fast I'm surprised it's still alive. "Knew it. Itachi, I'm not going to harm Sasuke, it's been four years already, un. Little late to react don't you think?" Damn, that bird landed in front of me pretty fast.
I give the bird a gentle smile, knowing fully well that he can see me, "I'm going to kill Danzo, and take Shisui's eye." The crow stares at me, now with Sharingans. "I have a proposition for you, when I obtain the eye meet me at the border between the land of fire and land of wind. No fighting, come alone, you and I will sit and talk. Once we are done, the eye will be yours, un. If you lack trust in me you may continue to keep stalking." The bird bobs its head before returning to its preening.
"Oh yeah, Sasuke likes art now, un." The crow now settled down in my lap. I can tell Itachi does not have full control of it.
Well, that was one mess avoided.
Year 4, month 8
Kimimaro graduated without any issues. It would have been quite the shocker if he didn't pass. Considering I helped him master the clone jutsu, him failing would have resulted in a VERY painful talk with his school sensei.
I had invited the twins and Neji to join us for dinner to celebrate their graduation. Naruto was jealous, but a reassurance from me that he would graduate, settled him down
Sakon was telling me about Anko, "She's absolutely insane! She had us go through the Forest of Death to test our teamwork! We passed obviously, but man!" While he complained I took the time to observe the small changes in the twins.
They now wore matching long grey tops with the gemini symbol on one shoulder, Ukon's on the left, Sakon's on the right. They wore black shorts with mesh armor covering their exposed skin except for their heads, necks, hands and feet. They honestly looked pretty cool. And the lack of the purple rope was welcomed.
"Careful Sakon, she's a good friend of mine. I wouldn't complain to me if I were you, un." I boop his nose with my chopsticks before resuming my eating. Ukon just laughs at his younger brother's pouting.
Turning to Neji, "How is your team Neji-kun?"
"Full of losers." Some things never change.
"Care to… elaborate?"
"Our sensei is an idiot, the mini him is just as bad, he can't even do ninjutsu or genjutsu. Tenten, the girl, seems only good at weapons. I wish I was in Kimimaro's team."
I sweatdrop and pat his head, "Neji-kun, at least try to work with them, you never know. They may surprise you. I work out with Gai-san and Lee-san, if one of them punched you, you'd die, un." I give him a closed eye smile as he gulps at the thought of a death by punch.
That should calm his ego for a while.
Year 4, month 10 (AN: Sex ed!)
Okay, Sasuke and Naruto are sulking. Normally Sasuke does all the sulking. This is worrying.
"Alright, talk, what's wrong with you two, un?" I was currently washing dishes.
Naruto was the first to complain, "Sakura-chan and Hinata have been acting weird all week! They won't taijutsu train with us and they keep changing their moods, dattebayo!"
Sasuke added in, "One moment they are happy, but then we say something and they either cry or get angry."
I dropped the plate I was cleaning and it shattered on the ground. Kimimaro, who was reading in his room, came bursting out and cleaned it up as my mind went nuts.
'Oh god really? The poor babies! I'm going to have to send some chocolates to those girls, holy shit they're growing up and it's gonna suck!'
One thing I'm grateful about being a boy now is that I never have to go through THAT ever again. But I'm surprised they got theirs at the same time, must be because they spend so much time together.
"Deidara-nii?" Naruto was looking at me concerned while Sasuke was back to sulking.
Without a word, I sit down in front of them. "Want to know what's going on, un?"
Both nod vigorously. I feel a cheshire grin forming, well, they asked for it.
"You see, Hinata and Sakura are growing up into womanhood, it's called puberty. And it sucks, as it's a woman's personal hell. During puberty a girl will have something called a 'period' in which because they are not pregnant, the universe punishes them once a month by having blood poor out of a place called the vagi-"
One VERY detailed explanation later
"And that is how an infant comes out of a mother's stomach, un!"
Poor chibis, Naruto looked horrified, Sasuke was reevaluating how he should treat girls from now on… and Kimimaro…
The kid is absorbing the information like a sponge.
"So you see boys, treat these girls with nothing but respect, because they have to deal with this for the next 40 years. Men only have to deal with it in their late teens for a few years, un."
Kimi pipes up, "What happens to guys during puberty?"
"KIMIMARO!" "KIMI-NII!" Kimi, I love you.
"Ah you see, when a guy hits puberty… we start getting hairy, we get taller and our shoulders broaden." The boys relax.
"And we also begin producing spe-"
Another traumatic explanation later
"And that is how a woman's egg becomes fertilized, un."
I have never seen two kids shift uncomfortably for such a long time before. Good thing I paid attention in science and health class, I'm going to go through this in a few months, same with Kimimaro.
"Any questions?"
Kimi raises a hand, "So what's the difference between regular blood and peri-"
He got tackled down by Naruto and Sasuke.
The next day
Naruto and Sasuke gave the girls some chocolate and told them how much they respect the two of them. The girls were confused, but I give them a big grin and they return the gesture with their own smiles.
I had to give The Talk to Hinata though, she didn't have anyone to talk to and her father just handed the supplies and told her to use them.
Unlike with the boys, I gave Hinata a more tame and gentle description of female puberty. Mostly a reassurance that she is fine and it's normal and what it's purpose was. Basically what I wished I was told at her age.
It still is a shitty thing though.
Year 4, month 12
Kakashi helped me work on resisting lightning chakra. I actually learned that explosion release was a mixture of lighting release and earth*. I just needed to focus on the lighting side of my jutsu.
They ended up becoming extremely unstable and messy. I'm going to have to work on that.
Year 5, month 1.
I couldn't hold back my glee at the sight before me.
I was sent to assassinate some missing nins, and used this as my chance to test out a new chakra formula for C4. I wanted one shinobi to lose an arm and heart while the other vanish completely all except for his right pinky finger.
I got an armless shinobi without a beating heart and a right pinky finger.
The formula worked, I can control the molecular range of the explosion. I tested it again, this time the corpse lost a foot. An insane grin grew on my face as I threw my head back in laughter. Five years of training finally paid off. Soon I will be 16, and Naruto will graduate from the academy.
Danzo, it's time to greet death.
Year 5, month 3
Puberty sucks, Kimimaro shares my sentiments.
Woohoo! So next chapter will be the very beginning of the show with Naruto graduating. It's already halfway done so expect an update next weekend! (Or earlier. Depends on my free time.)
Ebony sword helped me come up with the idea of the ninnekos and everyone else already know which part was inspired by them in the review response up above. Hope you guys liked them!
*According to Naruropiedia it is believed that explosion release is a mix of earth and lightning. Which, to me makes sense due to the fact that all of the jutsus go boom. So I went with it and made up the idea that it's based on the balance of the two natures that made the explosions. So Deidara may learn lightning based jutsu in the future. Never know!
Anyone have questions or suggestions feel free to share!
Reviews are loved and I will be seeing you guys in the near future!
Bye! :D
