Révolution du Cœur - Shame That is Not Shame

The garden was a bright, cheery place Enjolras had discovered. He had hoped it would be easier for Melodie to speak about her past here rather than in the house. Although the house was well lit, he knew that neither of them were entirely comfortable in it. They had lived in less than desirable habitations for so long that this change had left them both feeling off balance.

Enjolras sent a sideways glance to Melodie. Her thoughts seemed far away based on the tension on her face. Still, with the warm summer sunlight beaming on them, he had to admit to himself that she was the most exquisite creature he had ever met.

Women, except for those in his family, had never been of interest to him. In his experience during those first years at the Academy, every young woman he had met had been like his mother. A socialite. A gold digger. An empty doll.

Not Melodie though. She had proved herself to be so much more. She was passionate, imaginative, intelligent, witty, and most importantly, loyal to a fault. For Enjolras, that was her true beauty.

Here and now though, he could admit to himself that he was attracted to her physical appearance.

Her softly curving body was accentuated by the robin's egg blue dress she wore, her waist defined by a bright red belt. She possessed skin that was still sun kissed, but was fading to the more fashionable alabaster. Her hair was pure gold and softly pulled back to expose her rather fascinating collar bone. A set Cupid's bow lips, high cheek bones and gracefully curved eyebrows framed those intense golden eyes that captivated him so.

She was in all honestly, the perfect combination of an angel and a warrior.

And he wanted her.

Enjolras squashed those thoughts before they could grow. He would not let his less than appropriate feelings for Melodie carry on till he had the truth from her.

Eventually they made it to a stone bench. He gestured silently for her to seat herself. He let her arrange her skirts before sitting next to her. They listened to the birds for a moment before he spoke.

"Will you please tell me now?" He asked gently. He turned to watch her swallow uncertainly before she gave a jerky nod.

"My sister and I grew up with the Orleans family."

Enjolras nodded, having guessed it himself beforehand.

"My parents were the head seamstress and tailor to the King and Queen. We honestly had a quiet, happy childhood until the Louis-Phillippe took the crown. Arielle and I were eighteen by then and Father and Mother stayed with them because they hoped to see us married into good society."

While Melodie's face was thoughtful, Enjolras was grimacing at the sudden mental image of her on the arm of some fop. It made is stomach clench and he wanted to reach for her hand, as if to stake some sort of claim on her even in the face of the invisible suitor.

He held back.

"Everything was alright for that first year. Father sewed, mother sewed, and Arielle was sociable –"

"And what were you doing?" His voice came out harsher than intended and was going to apologize when she glared at him, silently commanding him to be silent.

"I was reading and writing mostly. Maria Amalia was kind enough to let me wander the royal library freely. When I wasn't there, I was at Mass with the Queen or helping Mama with her work. We were happy in spite of what we knew was happening outside the palace walls …"

Her expression darkened and she fisted her skirts as she continued.

"Then one day Mama was called to the men's wing of the palace. She had been told a mistress of one of the English dignitaries had torn the hem of her evening gown and that it needed to be fixed immediately. She went to help. Even if it was a fallen woman, she always helped."

Enjolras watched as the tears began to pool in her eyes. He brushed her hand with his own then, unsure how to comfort her at a time like this. She took a deep breath and seized his hand with a firm grip.

"It wasn't actually a courtesan who asked for her. It was one of the King's counselors, Gaspard de la Marée. From what I was told later, he coaxed her into examining a tear in his bed covers …"

Her voice faded and a shiver went through her. Enjolras gave her hand a squeeze but he had a feeling he knew what was coming next. She turned to him, her eyes blurred by tears that refused to fall.

"He raped her. Took her, used her, and left her. When she came back to our apartment later, she told my father. Something broke inside him that night. He became almost obsessed with knowing where my sister and I were. Mama tried to continue on and eventually told the Queen what happened. I don't know if the King was ever informed though."

She paused to catch her breath and to blink back the threatening tears. He ached to sweep her up in his arms and banish her past away but he knew things were far from over.

"A month later Marée came upon Arielle and I in the courtyard. Papa hurried over to us when he caught Marée fingering Arielle's hair. The man was cocky and told Papa that "his daughters were even more tempting than their mother." Father lost his senses. He had taken to carrying a dagger with him at all times and before I could blink, he had slashed the thing across Marée's face. Guards were called, screams split the air, and when the chaos cleared, my father was on the ground with Marée's blade buried in his heart."

The tears had finally escaped her eyes and were streaming steadily down her face. Although her voice was shaky, her body had become stone beside him. He finally reached out to cup her jaw. Her gaze was resolute and he finally understood why she had been able to face the militia to save him. To stare death in the face not once, but twice took a courage he wasn't sure he himself had. She was not simply a woman, she was a lioness.

"They swept us away, back to Mama. We didn't know what to say. All we could do was weep. The Queen came in a matter of minutes. When she told Mama that Papa had been killed defending us and her honor, she just seized up and collapsed. She was dead as she hit the floor."

Melodie slumped over and buried her head in her hands, shoulders shaking without sounds.

"She had a heart attack." Enjolras whispered. Melodie finally looked up and nodded to him.

"The King was away so it was Marée who was in charge. The bastard escorted the Queen forcefully back to her chambers and forced us into our parents' bedroom. He said we should pack our things and be ready to leave when – when he was finished with us."

Enjolras froze and looked at her wildly. Melodie's face was contorted in disgust. When he spoke his voice was full of hate.

"He raped you both?"

Suddenly Melodie was smiling and that wicked gleam was in her eyes.

"He tried to rape us. He went for Arielle first. Before he could even get his trousers down I had hit him over the head with a vase. It stunned him and Arielle was able to kick him in the groin. We ran after that, out of our apartment and out of the palace grounds. We never looked back. We arrived in Paris with only the clothes on our backs. We wandered around for a month. A little over a year ago there was small riot in the market and we were separated. I looked for Arielle for a month until Éponine took me to Jehan. Arielle of course, was found by Fabien and now we're here."

As she finished, the sobs started to pour out. Not willing to let her suffer alone, Enjolras gathered her into his arms, tucked her head beneath his chin, and rocked her softly with the birds singing above them.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Melodie fought down the hiccup that threatened to erupt. It would be just the thing to happen when Enjolras was holding her. How utterly unromantic …

His warm embrace was extremely comforting. Confessing hadn't been nearly as painful as she thought it would be, but the heartache was still there. He was soothing it though. He was soothing it and had not left her. Her connections to the monarchy and more importantly, her early disregard for wreck that was France, had not driven him away.

"What were you doing before Éponine and Jehan took you in? How did you survive?" His murmur broke her thoughts.

"I did what every girl down on her luck does in the streets of Paris." She said as she nestled further into his chest. Enjolras froze in his rocking position. Melodie frowned into his chest.

"Oh. I see." The discomfort was radiating off him. She pulled away slightly to look at him. His arms were still around her but she caught him trying to school is shocked expression into a neutral façade. Suddenly she realized what conclusions he might have drawn from her statement.

She burst out laughing. She laughed so hard she had to hold her stomach. Enjolras's completely bewildered expression only made her laugh harder.

Eventually she quieted enough to look at him again.

"Forgive me. The situation was just so utterly ridiculous –"

"I hardly think a well-bred young woman being forced into prostitution is –"

"Enjolras, I'm a virgin!"

They both turned beet red after her exclamation. They stared at each other for a minute before Enjolras spoke.

"Melodie, I –"

She held up a hand, keeping him from embarrassing them both further.

"I was never a lady of the night Capitaine, I can assure you of that. My body has been and will be my own for now." She made sure her gaze was steady on him. He nodded, although it seemed a bit uncertain.

"Forgive me. I presumed too much. It's just that you've always been so …" He turned scarlet again and stopped talking.

"So what mon ami?" She looked up at him through her eyelashes. Enjolras cleared his throat and looked away.

"You always been so … bold." Melodie chuckled softly and shook her head.

"Only ever with you Enjolras." She said it as if it was a simple matter of fact, but his eyes still darkened slightly. Melodie felt a thrill run up her spine.

"Not even with Jehan?" Melodie's smile froze on her face. A memory filtered in through the haze in her brain. Wine tinted breath, drunken laughter, a hand passing over her breast, and then falling onto a bed …

"Not in the way you're thinking." She struggled to get the truth out. Enjolras continued to gaze at her, his blue eyes still dark. She could see the barest hint of concern in them.

"We were both drunk after … after Joly's graduation a few months ago. Too much of the chardonnay I suppose. We got home and he kissed me. Once. Touched my … décolletage once. Then we passed out on his bed. I woke up the next morning clear as a bell and helped him nurse his hangover. Nothing truly happened."

She looked over Enjolras's expression carefully. It was mostly closed off to her, but a muscle in his cheek jumped in his cheek. The fact that he was trying to hide his emotions from her after all this time made her pause.

"My purity goes to the man of my sober choice Enjolras. The man who holds my heart in his hands. No one else." She brushed her finger tips at his scarred temple as she spoke and a shudder seemed to work its way through his body.

"What if that man wasn't your husband?" The question came out as a whisper, but it rang in her head like a million chimes.

Enjolras, the man she cherished, loved, and craved beyond all reason, had spoken the word "husband". She had never connected the two together. But she saw it, however briefly. The two of them married, with a blonde bundle in her arms. The image stole her breath away and she had to push it out of her mind before her imagination could take over.

"Love is what matters, I believe when it comes to the act of … physical love. I've never honestly thought about a husband though. I'd been living day to day and then the revolution took over my life. The future wasn't formed too much in my head beyond that."

Enjolras nodded and kept his face neutral, but she felt the subtle tightening of his hand on her waist and how he brought himself forward slightly.

"And you? Dare I ask what women have been in your life?" She teased him, trying to keep the conversation away from her own secret wishes.

Enjolras turned red again. He hemmed and hahhhhed for a moment, but eventually cleared his throat.

"I had one night with a young widow back home and one night with another here in the city. That is all."

Melodie looked askance at him. She couldn't imagine women not throwing themselves at him, but perhaps they found him too intimidating.

"So you have no desire for a wife? A home?" She hated how breathless her voice sounded, but she had to know.

"I'm in the same position as you. I've never thought of much beyond the revolution."

Melodie nodded thoughtfully. Enjolras was looking off in the distance as spoke again.

"Perhaps though, as things have changed so much, it is time to change my way of thinking."

Melodie glanced at him sharply and held her breath. The stubborn fool refused to look at her though! Rolling her eyes toward heaven and she stood up quickly. Enjolras looked up at her in confusion at her small sigh, but she managed to smile enough to ease some of the tension from his shoulders. She calmly held her hands out to him.

"Come Capitaine, I think it's time for luncheon. Let us adjourn to the dining room before my sister sends a search party for us." Enjolras rolled his eyes too and grasped her hands to stand. Melodie smiled and noted how little pressure he had to put on her to perform the action.

"It would more likely be your dear brother-in-law to send the search party." He muttered as he straightened his coat. Melodie laughed softly.

"Indeed!" Her smile grew when he held out his arm for her to take. It was a courtly gesture she had always imagined him doing for her, but one she never expected to see.

They walked quietly back into the house and had almost made it into the dining room, before Enjolras stopped her once again. She turned to look at him in confusion, but kept quiet at the look on his face. His expression was the one he had always worn when forming a strategy for the revolution. It had been quite some time since she had seen it and she most certainly had never seen it when he was regarding her.

"Enjolras?" She wasn't sure what to say. His eyes were the most intense she had seen them in what felt like forever.

"We should continue that habit." He finally said. Melodie blinked at him, once or twice.

"You mean me confessing my deepest, darkest secrets?" She asked stupidly, still caught in his stare. Enjolras huffed and shook his head impatiently, breaking the spell.

"No, I meant walking and talking outside together. The fresh air would do us both some good. Perhaps we can take turns picking a piece of favorite literature and reading aloud."

"Oh!" Melodie felt the grin on her face stretch to near impossible proportions.

"Yes! That's a lovely idea!"

Enjolras smiled and nodded as he opened the door to the dining room for her. Surprisingly, they were the first ones there. Enjolras pulled out Melodie's chair for her and then swiftly sat down next to her.

"You're welcome to pick the first work if you'd like to begin tomorrow." He said casually as he unfolded his napkin. He was attempting to be nonchalant, but she caught him watching her warily from beneath his lashes.

She smiled serenely as she placed her own napkin across her lap.

"I'll be sure to pick something interesting to us both then."

"Good, I look forward to it." He nodded to Arielle and Fabien as they swept into the room. Arielle kissed them both on the cheek and set off talking about her afternoon in town.

"So do I Enjolras, so do I." She whispered for his ear alone.

She caught the faint smile he sent her way and then turned her attention to her soup.