I felt evil writing this chapter. You'll see why near the end.
Thank you guys so much for the fave, follows and reviews!
Ladybug002: I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! I love it when my readers get excited when I update, cause that's what I feel when my favorite fics update. :3
Rayen: Glad you are enjoying it!
SirenAtlantica: Ummmm… I just took honors English classes and creative writing classes in high school. Honestly I just practiced until I was comfortable enough with my writing and grammar. I also didn't write a fanfic until I was hit with an idea I was passionate about. Sorry, I am not really sure what I'm doing with my writing. ^^" Also yes, it's Deidara.
Saurito: Don't worry, this fic is… maybe halfway done. But I love that I gave you a little scare! :D
MelonLordOfMelons: The real Deidara is gone. Poof. Goodbye! He chose to have his existence erased because of the risks of staying in the afterlife and the fact that… well, let's be honest, the afterlife is too eternal for someone like Deidara. Also Sasuke is very much straight, like an arrow. But SI!Dei was mostly concerned for Itachi continuing the clan because one can only have so many kids before it gets out of hand.
himekuroyuki853: Glad I could brighten your day hun! Thank you so much for the compliment too. :D
VenaHope: Obito and Madara's talk in all honesty will be more serious if anything, especially if Madara makes Dei shut the hell up. But that is basically what their reactions to seeing each other would be if I took a more comical approach. Also yes, Orochimaru has yet to get the memo that the dude that lopped off his hand, is not only in Konoha, but also dating the one person that keeps getting in his way. He is in for a surprise pretty soon. Also Sasori will learn… most likely in shippuden or just before. Never know! ^^
HitGamer22: Dang, that really sucks, sorry to hear about how your family handled your birthday hun. Also Dei didn't forget about Jugo… he just has no idea where the kid is and isn't gonna really bother until shippuden. But regarding the eyes from Danzo, it is implied that Danzo has been collecting sharingan for years now. So none of them are that closely related to Itachi… to be honest I have no idea what I'm gonna do with most of those eyes. I have plans for a couple of them but… they're kinda just sitting in Deidara's closet, preserved until needed.
Notsae: Yagura gets a better punishment in the form of public humiliation and execution by fighting Mei. So Dei had no reason to interfere. I always had plans on having SI meet the original Deidara since the very beginning. That is actually why the SI could make sculptures right away and when leaving Iwagakure, they were crying, because Deidara had some bodily control. As the years went on, Deidara gave the SI more and more control until they are what we have right now. I thought it would make a fun twist to the story. :3
crazby: Thanks hun! I appreciate the compliments! From what I can tell, it is impossible for someone be summoned via edo tensei by two people, so at the very least no one can summon Madara besides Dei. I'm gonna keep Mei's stuff a secret, but I will say that one of your two guesses was correct. Regarding the Akatsuki… I kinda delve into it in this chapter. But I'll get more into detail in the next couple chapters.
Yurei Hanatsuki: Most of Itachi and Madara's conversations will be offscreen. I tried to write it and it was… stiff, really stiff. I didn't like it, so I'll leave most of it to your guy's imagination. And yes, Dei has met Tenzo! In fact, the apartments that Dei lived in were made by Tenzo so Dei didn't have to worry about neighbors freaking out by all the newcomers. I mean… what normal civilian would feel safe with the kinds of people Dei brings in? XD
Pr1nc3ss K3nny: Yeah even after all these years, the original Dei still cannot stand Itachi. Also since Maria is basically my beta except for her name, and my beta is my best friend of over 6 years… of course their relationship would be close. They're/we're like sisters. :3
WhiteFang001: I actually added in the Madara bit last minute. I texted my beta the day before posting and said, "Hey hun, we didn't fangirl AT ALL in this chapter" so we added it in. It is a typical thing for my beta and I to just fangirl over random crap, and it felt odd that things remained so calm in that part.
cdog1019: Woohoo! Happy that you like my yaoi! I'm trying to keep it slow so it feels more organic. I don't get yaois where it jumps from "I love you" to lemons within .5 seconds… like… no, that's not how it works. So I'm going a more… I'd say natural approach? Idk. XD Hopefully Naruto gets better in shippuden, I think he just has a lot of energy as a kid, and once he got older he matured. Also Kisame will have more screen time, it's just really hard to juggle all these characters at once. Idk how Kishimoto was able to do it. X-X That's why I have side stories, so I can give characters screen time.
LeWeeaboo: Aw thank you! I try to keep my updates somewhat consistent, so long as I have a muse and a plan I can write.
Bcp2005: Thanks hun!
* - Explanation om bottom.
Warning: Holy shit this chapter has language all right! Violence, sex jokes (Gee… who could possibly be in this chapter?), alcohol and rage.
Disclaimer: After having to juggle not even half of the characters… kinda happy I don't own Naruto. It's hard to keep track of everyone.
"There's someone we need to tell about our relationship, un"
That was the first thing I said to Itachi the following morning after the boys all left for missions. I am to meet Naruto and Sasuke at the usual training grounds this afternoon and I also have to speak with Jiraiya beforehand, but I needed to get this done.
"Is it Anko-san?" Itachi puts away some dishes he helped me clean from this morning's breakfast.
I shake my head, "No, she'll learn pretty soon, I want her to figure it out." I smirk at the idea of my friend figuring it out, no doubt she'll have an amusing reaction, "But the person we need to tell is… well…" I begin weaving hand signs.
Itachi recognizes the hand signs and sighs, "Dei… must we really tell him first? I'd prefer facing Anko-san's wrath." His entire expression read that he was not looking forward to this moment.
I give him a sympathetic smile, "I know Itachi, but for some reason you Uchiha are prideful as hell. There is no way he would be pleased knowing that he was one of the last people to know, un. Summoning jutsu: edo tensei!" I slam my hand on the ground and Madara's coffin appears, thankfully not damaging the apartment floor.
Itachi steps out of the way as Madara strides out of the coffin, said container vanishing in a puff of smoke. While he examines his location, I quickly seal up the room so no one can enter or eavesdrop, followed by closing the curtains on all the windows.
The elder Uchiha glares down at me, "This is not a battlefield and your life is not in danger… why did you summon me Deidara-"
Like ripping off a bandaid, "I'm in a relationship Madara-sama!" I hear Madara make several displeased sounds in the back of his throat, as his face slowly morphed into an even more peeved expression. Madara really is the most expressive of the Uchiha clan… second only to Sasuke in filler episodes.
What I did not expect was for said Uchiha to get in my face, "Who?" When I tried to look away from his sharingan, I ended up with my chin being grabbed and his eyes evolving into his mangekyo, "When I ask you a question child, I expect an answer."
"He is in a relationship with me, Madara." Itachi, oddly enough, was calm. His heartbeat was steady and nothing about him showed fear…
Then again… Itachi has the ability to go toe-to-toe with Madara even without the eternal mangekyo.
Madara snaps his attention to Itachi, straightening himself up so he towers the younger Uchiha, "Ah… an Uchiha… I do not approve."
I sputter, yanking my face away from Madara's hand, "What the fuck? Why not! It's Itachi, you know, the one that summons the overprotective crow, un?" Speaking of which, I need Itachi to summon that bird at some point, he'd make a cute pet.
Madara's face goes blank, "I do not care. You are someone that thrives on human interactions. Uchiha men are stoic, serious, and anything but affectionate." You damn old man, we've been doing nothing but cuddling the past several days! He continues, "The clan is cursed to follow a path of hatred, being with one will only cause you pain."
Just as I'm about to protest again, Itachi gently places his hand on my head and turns me to look at him, "Dei… let me speak with Madara."
I take a deep breath, "Alright… I'll go...make tea or something, un." Bowing my head in defeat I head to the kitchen, only for Madara to appear beside me and take the bottle of sake and the dishes I keep for when I have Anko or any of the adults over, "Um… Madara-sama?"
"It is traditional in the Uchiha clan for the father to drink with the man their daughter fancies." Madara states matter-of-factly then sits down at the low table on a cushion, crossed legged while Itachi sat seiza style* across from him, head slightly bowed in respect. The more I stare at this, the weirder it gets, Madara is obviously making himself look big and intimidating… his hair helps, and Itachi is being dainty and polite.
Wait… "What do you mean 'father'?! Madara-sama, you are anything but related to me, un!" I don't mind him using female pronouns, but why the hell is he calling himself a father? When the hell was I his daughter?!
Madara smirks, "Considering all of the adults in your life right now either want to kill you, are irresponsible, or have other responsibilities of their own… I am the closest you will have to a proper father figure. You were the one that referred to me as such first. Besides, you remind me too much like Hashirama to be left on your own when it comes to life changing actions. I did the exact same thing when Hashirama had to meet Mito for the first time."
He basically just called me a naive child when comparing me to Hashirama. Also I so want to hear the story of Mito sometime. (AN: Expect a side story in the future~)
"While this tradition has long ended in the Uchiha clan, I will follow the customs of when you were alive. I am at your mercy Madara." Itachi calmly drinks the sake Madara poured for him, instantly going into his "perfect Uchiha son" mode. Madara at least makes sure Itachi has less sake than himself so the younger does not become drunk. Also because of the edo tensei, I doubt Madara can even become drunk.
Before I could ask any questions, both men activate their sharingan and stare each other down. Great, I think they put each other in a genjutsu so I couldn't hear them, but they can still drink the sake, damn Uchiha… I would also say damn legal drinking age but I hate alcohol.
"Men." I roll my eye and slip on my trench coat, "I'm going to speak with Jiraiya-sama, un." I fix the collar and head for the door.
"Be back by 1." I look at the Uchihas as they both spoke at the same time. They really are from the same damn clan.
It didn't take long to find Jiraiya… I just had to find the places where beautiful women gather, like the hot springs!
"We need to talk Jiraiya-sama, un." But the pervy sage chose to ignore me. I didn't want to do this… but- okay I'm bullshitting, this is the perfect time to use that jutsu, "Transform."
Pulling out my folding fan from my kimono sleeve, I allow my Jessica Rabbit like voice to ring out, "What a lecturous man! Have you no shame in yourself? Looking at young women bathing!" The shrieking from the otherside of the fence indicated that the girls all heard me. Jiraiya gave me an annoyed look… then his eyes traveled and settled on my… ahem, assets.
"Well… heheh… Dei-chan, if you stay like that I…" He slowly gets a nosebleed, "Wouldn't mind talking to you." His hands start looming a little too close to me.
Without another word I smack his face with my fan, turn back into a man, and proceed to drag him off by his ear to a more private location. Specifically the area where he trained Naruto in summoning toads.
"Look Jiraiya-sama, I know you plan on taking Naruto outside of Konoha to train him to fight the Akatsuki, un." The shocked expression on his face reminded me that I have yet to tell him the truth about me… wow, Zabuza knows more about me than this guy, "I'll explain everything in a moment. But I… have a favor to ask of you, un."
Jiraiya settles on a rock, resting his head against his fist, "What is it?" He went into his serious mode, knowing that I rarely ask for favors, I usually just say I'm going to do something and make people follow it.
Interlocking my fingers together and settling my arms down, I lower my head in a bow, "Please take Uchiha Sasuke with you as well, un." I don't even have to look at Jiraiya to know his response, he's going to stare blankly at my face and say…
"As a student? No way, what's the fun in training a brat that's good from the start?" You are so predictable Jiraiya.
"You don't have to train him, he can teach himself. Itachi and I can provide him jutsu he can learn and techniques he has to work on, un. Please, this is important!"
Jiraiya raises an eyebrow, obviously not use to seeing me this desperate, "Why are you trying so hard to let me take this kid away?"
I take a huge breath, suddenly the mark on my neck stings with pain, "Orochimaru wants him as his new vessel." Jiraiya tenses up, "If he stays in the village, he'll be a target, any team he goes with will be at risk of being attacked. If Sasuke goes alone… I don't even want to imagine how bold that snake could get. But if he's with you and Naruto, he'll be harder to trace, even I would have no clue where you three are, un…" I drop to my knees in a low bow, "Please Jiraiya-sama… I love that kid like I love Naruto and Kimimaro… I can't stand the thought of him getting hurt…"
Humiliation rang through my body as the seconds passed, begging is something rather foreign to me. I just had to plead at whatever is incharge of the Universe that luck was on my side.
"I'll take the kid with me… on two conditions." I sit up straight to listen to him, "I will not be his sensei. If he wants to learn something it will have to be whenever I am not focused on Naruto, or it comes from you. I will even have a toad be connected to the two of us so we can swap scrolls and information. And the second one… I want the whole story behind you."
My body relaxes, "Those… are completely reasonable. I'll tell you everything, un."
1 o'clock on the dot
I entered the apartments to see the two Uchiha STILL sitting at the table staring each other down. Carefully walking to them, I place a hand on Itachi's shoulder, making him jolt and deactivate his sharingan.
"You're on time. Welcome back Dei…" He looked exhausted, and red cheeked from the sake… well at least he's not drunk, Madara seemed to make sure of that.
"Hey Itachi…" I place my forehead on top of his, one of our prefered signs of affection. Eye contact was a key part of our relationship, "The boys will be waiting for us anytime now, un."
Madara watched with a calculating expression, "I approve of this relationship. Itachi is more… well, he's a different kind of Uchiha." He nods his head in thought.
"Good, because I wouldn't have broken up with him even if you didn't, un." I smirk as the older Uchiha looked miffed at my blatant disrespect to adult authority, "I love Itachi, Madara, no jutsu or genjutsu can change it." I relax feeling Itachi run his hand through my hair.
"I can see that." Madara stands, "Unsummon me now, I have no business being in Konoha when there are no battles." I roll my eye and summon his coffin, which he steps into, "Thank you for telling me, I am not one that likes surprises." The coffin sinks into nothingness and is gone.
Giving Itachi some tea and a sandwich to wash down the sake he consumed, honestly he didn't drink a lot, we head to the training grounds. Naruto and Sasuke were casually chatting about their mission… well, as casually as two headstrong boys with egos the size of Konoha can get. My guess is Sakura is having another girls day with Karin, Hinata and I even encouraged them to include Ino.
"Teme! You shouldn't have gotten in my way, I could have handled it, dattebayo!"
"Dobe. You were beaten down the moment I focused my attention on the other enemy. You're lucky Sakura wasn't around to beat your head."
"TEME!"
"Hn." Ouch, Sasuke needs to watch his language.
I am grateful Itachi and I do not have that kind of relationship.
The duo instantly shut their mouths seeing us approach. I allow my usual smirk to play on my lips, "Alright chibis… Itachi here, will be watching you two fight against me, un."
"Fight you… Deidara-nii, dattebayo?"
I nod at my brother, "Yes, just like before the chunin exams… only this time… I want you two to use everything you have against me. Come at me with the full intention to kill, un." When neither of them moved, I throw a C1 to make them leap away, "Well? I said 'come at me'! So do it, un!"
As if they were a pair of coiled springs, the two boys charge at me. But after a few moments, something ticked me off, throwing Naruto into a tree and letting my knee collide with Sasuke's stomach, I glare at the two of them.
"If you won't take this seriously then quit being shinobi this instant, un!" Even Itachi was shocked by my outburst. There was no time for taijutsu, I want them to use their full powers.
"Wh… what the hell Deidara-nii?! What do you mean, dattebayo?" Naruto springs to his feet confused. Sasuke was… kinda preoccupied with a bruising stomach.
"I said to come at me with the intent to kill! I do not want just taijutsu! Throw your jutsu, your genjutsu, Duck-kun I want your sharingan ACTIVATED! You will not improve if you do not push yourselves! Again, un!" This time, Naruto used his shadow clone jutsu and Sasuke's sharingan spun wildly in his eyes.
The battle became more of a challenge for me to dodge, I had to keep a constant eye on Sasuke… which is hard because I only had one eye to use. I had to quickly shove my scope on to watch Naruto. Even with Naruto just attacking wildly, Sasuke used these moments to get a few good hits on me.
I began to use earth techniques like Hiding Like a Mole no jutsu to either throw a punch or to get away. Once in a while I would use a C1 to get away, now all three of us have random burns… they were minor though.
After a few minutes, all three of us were struggling to catch our breaths. Sasuke was running low on chakra due to the sharingan and using fire jutsus that all missed, I was just not a taijutsu person and Naruto… I was focusing most of my time wearing him out. Itachi had to keep his distance after nearly getting hit several times by flying projectiles and Naruto clones.
"That the best you two can do? If I was a real enemy you would be dead by now, un." I straighten myself out and shove a hand in my clay pouch, "Try to hit me with your best attack. Now!"
I throw a clay bird into the air and not long after that, I was soaring. The two boys looked at each other and got into position. Naruto summoned a clone while Sasuke crouched to the ground, perfect.
I allowed the two leap towards my bird, I allowed them to land on it and charge forward…
I allowed the rasengan to connect with my stomach and the chidori to hit my heart.
Neither boy could move from the shock as I allowed them to yank their arms away from my body. But what they didn't expect was my laughter… from the ground.
"Hey chibis! Might want to get off that! Katsu!"
They only had a second to leap away from the supposed body and my bird before it all blew up in a cloud of smoke and fire. I was standing next to Itachi, not a single scratch on my body and a proud smirk on my face.
"Deidara?!"
"D-Deidara-nii?! B-but you were… I thought we…" Naruto's eyes filled with tears as he tackled me into a hug, burying his face in my stomach.
"That was a clone honey… Did you really think I would let either of you hit me with those jutsu? Yikes, that would hurt, un." I let my brother cry out his relief. Sasuke walked towards us, and seeing that I was okay, he collapsed to his knees after his legs gave out.
"Damnit, why the hell did you do that?!" Oops… made Sasuke mad, but I had to smile… He cares.
"To demonstrate what you two need to work on, un." Both boys look at me in shock, "You two are too close-ranged. Naruto, your ransengan is too small and you waste stamina trying to get to me. Duck-kun, your fire jutsus waste chakra, and your chidori left you open for my explosions. During the next three years, I want you both to evolve these techniques to target enemies from afar, un."
"The… next three years, dattebayo?" Naruto blinks in confusion.
"Jiraiya-sama is taking you both outside of Konoha to train in a couple weeks. You will be gone for two and a half years, un." Neither boy could hide their shock, even Itachi was mildly surprised. He knew Naruto would leave, but not Sasuke.
"He's at the tea house right now… go ask him questions, un." I kiss both boys on the head and, while they were beaten up pretty badly, took no time in running off to find the pervert.
Itachi helps me up, "So that's why you went to speak with Jiraiya… you're protecting Sasuke from Orochimaru." His face grew into a gentle smile, "Thank you."
I return the smile then takes his hand, interlocking our fingers, "Come on, let's see if Tsunade has any missions, un." I lead him to the Hokage's tower to speak with Tsunade.
The following morning
After returning to our mission and spending a few hours with Kimimaro, I relaxed myself on the couch enjoying some TV. I don't watch television that much anymore, but it was a good mind numbing activity while Itachi was in the bath. Naruto left about an hour ago to spend time with Sakura and train.
At the same time I sense him getting out of the water, a rapid knocking on my door made me sprung to my feet. Throwing the door open, I was greeted with a mop of pink hair slamming into me crying, "Sakura…?"
The girl looks up at me in tears, "I-I went to S-Sasuke-kun's house to…" She hiccups, "To h-heal his wounds a-and he's not… he's not…"
Thinking she was overreacting, I give her a tissue to blow her nose, "Sakura... he's probably with Naruto, un."
"No he isn't, dattebayo. Sakura-chan and I spent the last hour looking for him." My head snaps outside to see Naruto standing where Sakura was, at the doorway, "He wasn't at the compound and his apartment is a mess, dattebayo."
My blood ran cold, "ITACHI! Meet me at Sasuke's apartment!" Without waiting for anyone I bolt outside, making a beeline for Sasuke's apartment. My sensings going into a frenzy, 'Please be there, please be there, please be there!'
Barging into Sasuke's apartment, my heart stopped seeing all of the kunai, shuriken and broken objects littered around the main room. Sasuke may be a messy artist, but he keeps his living space spotless. Using my scope, I notice one thing that definitely did not belong in this room.
Spider webs, some looked like they were hastily removed, but I know the silky threads when I see them.
Sasuke didn't leave willingly, there was signs of struggle everywhere… the sealing patterns on the floor gave away who the intruders were. Itachi appeared behind me, "What happened?"
I grit my teeth, all I saw was red as I ran for Tsunade's office, Itachi hot on my tail, "Orochimaru's fucking bodyguards took him while he was injured… I'll kill those fuckers, and if Orochimaru lays a hand on him... Plot be damned, Mitsuki be damned*, that snake is as good as dead! NO ONE TOUCHES MY KIDS!"
Side story # 9 Too many to list (Day 2 of Itachi being back in Konoha)
(AN: I know, I'm the worst author ever. Not only did I end it on a cliffhanger, but I also threw in a side story that kills the mood. ENJOY!)
I arrive at Tsunade's office with some paperwork, effortlessly plopping them on her desk, "Here ya go, un."
Tsunade picks them up confused, "What are these?"
"Adoption and guardianship papers. At the will of the late Uchiha Fugaku and Uchiha Mikoto, Uchiha Itachi is now the legal guardian of Uchiha Sasuke, un." Damn, for some reason I become extremely formal when talking about legal documentations.
Tsunade raises an eyebrow, "I never gave you these… do you just have multiple copies of adoption forms laying around your house?"
A quick pause, "Yep! Considering I had to adopt…" I make a yeesh face while counting on my fingers, "Naruto, Kimimaro, Ukon, Sakon and Karin… while also be Sasuke's temporary guardian. Hiruzen just gave me several copies incase I ever brought in more kids, though…" I rub the back of my head, "I don't think I'll have to worry about bringing anymore kids into Konoha."
Shizune's shoulders slump, "That… is a lot of kids…" Tonton oinks in agreement with her.
Tsunade was also close to facepalming, "I see… Well, since you are here, I have a mission for you. You will be going with a chunin to evaluate their skills and determine if they should be promoted to jounin."
Sounds simple enough, "Who is i-"
"SENPAI! You're the one that is going to be evaluating me?! This is going to be awesome I get to show off my shinobi skills to my senpai- errrr senpai?" (AN: Please remember that Daiki talks extremely fast without pauses.)
Due to the sudden, and unexpected arrival of Daiki, I am now on the ceiling, using chakra to stick myself to it. I need to retrain my sensing skills, I'm so use to certain people's presence that I can't sense them anymore.
Tsunade gives Daiki the mission scroll while Shizune assisted in helping me down. I was as tense as a spooked cat. Tsunade returns her attention to me, "Daiki will be incharge of the mission and you will only step in when needed."
I nod politely, "Yes Tsunade-sama. Common Dai-"
"This is going to be fun! I get to go on a mission with my senpai! Common!" The hyper boy proceeds to drag me away, I barely had enough time to have a clone to collect my weapons and clay, "I know you like to ride on your big bird senpai but I want to travel the old fashion way!"
'I could use the exercise...' With a calm nod, I let Daiki lead me in a random direction.
3 hours later
"So how is this Itachi fellow that I heard you and Hokage-sama talking about? Don't lie senpai I know you like guys! Glad you don't like me like that cause that would be weird with you being my senpai and all!"
'Shut the fuck uuuuupppp…' I groan inwardly as Daiki has somehow manage to keep up a conversation with me for 3 hours without stopping. He hasn't changed since the first day I met him… that's a lie. He's gotten more attached to me.
I was so annoyed that I barely missed several projectiles being aimed at me… one being a very familiar scythe. Gee, who in this world wields a scythe like that?
"Prepared to be sacrificed to Jashin-sama you fuckers!"
I crack my neck, this will be fun.
Landing in a clearing with Daiki, I keep an arm out in front of him protectively as 4 people walked in front of us. Hidan, Kakuzu… Sasori? And… oh sweet Jesus.
"Sasori-san… I am so sorry, un." Standing next to Sasori, wearing Deidara's Akatsuki ring, was Tobi. The puppet master was outside of Hiruko, and his expression just screamed that he hated his masked partner. My hand makes a few random gestures before I press my knuckles against my lips to hide a snort.
Sasori sighs, "Don't remind me brat. I think you would have been a better partner by a long shot. You seem to know when to keep your mouth shut at least." He must have not been around to hear me chat Tobi's ear off for several hours.
Hidan points to me, face turning red, "You! I should fucking slaughter you for the shit you said to me!" Oh, he's still mad about that? I look over at Kakuzu, who was focused on counting some money and not paying attention to what was going on before him.
Sasori looks at the Jashinist, "We are not allowed to kill him, he holds valuable information that Leader-sama wants. Also, the last thing we need is Itachi and Kisame becoming our enemies." Sasori returns his attention to me.
"Fuck that! How the hell did this bitch get shark dick and weasel fuck to join his side?!" Wow, Hidan actually made an intelligent, reasonable question sound juvenile.
I lightly clap my hands, "Congratulations on losing some IQ points there Hidan. To answer your question… well, let's just say I am… rather good at persuasion, un." I allow a smirk to form when Hidan was clearly thinking dirty.
"So did you fuck 'em or something?" Hidan gives me a bewildered expression, the sound of wood connecting with wood indicated Sasori facepalmed. Kakuzu was still counting and Tobi…
Tobi was oddly quiet, same with Daiki.
I slam my hands over Daiki's ears, "Ugh, no! I am very much a virgin thank you very much! Geez, did all the blood you lick from your sacrifices give you brain damage or something, un?" I frown at Hidan, "And please stop using such vulgar language, we have children in our presence, un."
The moment I finished that sentence, Daiki pipes up, "Senpai do you know these people? You are speaking pretty casually with them and the guy in the mask keeps staring at you like you're a steak."
Hidan whistles, "I didn't follow. What the fuck did he just say?" I know Hidan, the kid talks like a chipmunk on sugar when you hit the fast forward button.
I snap a glare at Hidan, "He said boars are smarter than you and that Tobi has better hair, un." Turning my attention back to Daiki, "These are the guys that always attack me. You know, the Akatsuki. Had I joined, that masked man over there would be calling me 'senpai' instead of you, un." I cringe away, freaked out by what just happened.
Daiki's normally large, shiny green eyes, shrunk into tiny, dark dots. He suddenly looked pissed, something that I never thought would happen, "Um… Daiki?" This was too weird, even for my standards.
"I won't let these jerks take you away senpai! Scorch release: Extremely Steaming Murder!" I had to jump away to avoid contact with the two mini suns that formed around Daiki.
I turn my head slowly towards Tobi, a Joker grin plastered on my face as I uttered the single word that would send Daiki off, "Run."
"Yipe!" Tobi quickly bolts off as Daiki chased after the Uchiha. In all reality, Obito won't get harmed… but it gets those two out of our hair for a few minutes.
Hidan stares at the spot where the duo ran off to, mouth hanging open, "How the fuck do you find these bastards?"
I look at my nails, "I talk to people. Not like you would know how to do that. You seem only interested in talking with your imaginary God, un."
Hidan runs at me, wildly swinging his scythe. Sasori was about to help me, but seeing how I was dodging the attacks, he stayed put.
Before Hidan could land a hit, Madara's coffin appears in front of me, blocking the attack. The lid opens and Madara stares down at me, "We have some things to discuss Dei-"
I did not summon you!
Talking through my teeth, I interrupt the Uchiha, "Ah! Masato-san! How… nice to see you, un." Madara quickly got the hint. Putting on his mask which changed his clothes and even makes him a fluffy tail, and then steps out of the coffin so the Akatsuki could see him.
"Who is this?" Sasori was the only one here that has manners apparently.
"Masato-san, a summon of mine. And he is going to leave now, because I am a little busy, un!" Glaring at Madara, who is transfixed on Sasori.
"Ah… so he is the redhead."
My face quickly turns 20 shades of red as I began pushing him back into his coffin, "Leave leave leave, please leave, un!"
Hidan catches on, "What is puff butt talking about? Something going on with you and the puppet fucker?" Puff butt is new, and fun to say actually.
My voice suddenly became very high pitched, "Nothing! He's talking about nothing!" Quickly going back to a low growl when speaking with Madara, "I will talk with you later, stay unsummoned, un!"
"We still need to finish our conversation from before-" I cut him off.
"We will NEVER finish that conversation!" Before I could shove Madara again, Hidan tries to hit me with his scythe. Madara merely grabs the handle before the blades could touch my face and throws him aside.
"What the fuck?! I almost had you bitch!" Maybe it was because I had an all powerful Uchiha standing beside me, or the fact that this is Hidan… but I felt like insulting the guy some more.
I place my hands on my hips, "Your aim still hasn't gotten any better. No wonder you're still single, un." I effortlessly duck another swing before kicking the man away. Madara's posture was enough to express his displeasure for the vulgarity about to be swapped.
"What's that supposed to mean?!"
I place my hand over my heart, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know calling you inexperienced and clumsy would offend you so greatly." I give Hidan a mock pout.
"Well at least I'm not a fucking virgin!" Seriously, that's not an insult Hidan.
This, is an insult, "Well it just shows that I have standards. Not to mention based on the muscle mass of your arms I'd say your…" I tap my foot on the ground a few times, "Right hand? Yeah, right hand seems to have gotten to know you quite well. Guess you're not a ladies man, un." Hidan is so easy to provoke, insult his religion, intelligence or sex life and you're golden!
"I sincerely hope you are still a virgin Deidara. It would be unwise for you to be with an active partner I have yet to meet." Okay, now everyone is staring at Madara, even I'm staring at him. I think my face matches Sasori's hair at the moment.
Voice going back to being that embarrassing high pitched tone as I clenched my teeth, "Yes dad, whatever you say sir. You're the boss, no boys without your approval, un!" I think I'm going to regret calling Madara that. But anything to get him to shut up!
The slight tilt up of his head indicated that he approved... lovely. The Uchiha spins around and his leg connected with Hidan's diaphragm, sending the Jashinist flying and crashing into Kakuzu. Ouch, sorry Kakuzu!
"Finish with your mission. I have some more memories I would like to revisit soon." With that, Madara steps back into his coffin, removes the mask once out of view, and vanishes into the ground.
As if timing meant everything to this world, Tobi returns, "This kid is scary!"
It never occured to me that Madara should speak with Obito, though the chances of actually getting him alone with all the Zetsu spores on him is slim to none. But… I guess it can't hurt to try… provided I don't freeze up again.
Daiki comes bolting out from some trees, ready to kill Tobi when I cough into my hand, "Daiki, this is an evaluation. We have a mission to complete, un." That switched Daiki's rage mode off causing the boy ends his jutsu and nods at me. I look back on the Akatsuki, "Well, it has been fun, but you 4 seem busy… Not to mention I have mission to finish and a Uchiha to snuggle back home. KATSU!"
"What the fu-"
The entire area soon becomes clouded with smoke as a series of explosions happen in the area. I make a clay bird and throw Daiki on it so we could get away, the only person unaffected was Sasori as he doesn't need to breath. I wave my hand towards him as we flew off.
"Is he someone you care about senpai?" Daiki tilts his head, watching the Akatsuki members flee the explosions.
I shrug, "Not really. But I know more about him than others, un." I left it at that.
The end of the mission
Returning to Tsunade's office, she leans forward to stare at me, "How well did Daiki preform?" Daiki was stiff as a board, worried about what I would say.
I sigh, "I'm gonna regret this later on… but the kid is jounin material, promote- HIM!" My airway was suddenly cut off by his overpowering hug. Can't breath!
"Thank you so much senpai! You won't regret it!" He quickly released me as I was turning red from lack of oxygen, "I gotta go tell everyone!" Quickly bolting out of the room, Daiki vanishes to… who knows where.
Disgruntled, I look at Tsunade, "If I ever have kids… HE will NOT be their sensei, un." Without another word, I return home for a much needed bath and a warm cup of tea.
Like I said, I felt evil writing this. So now Sasuke got captured! He was beaten up enough to get overpowered by the Sound Ninja Four and taken away. Before ya'll ask: yes, there is 4 this time. I am going to be using an OC to take up Ukon and Sakon's place, an actual character will take Kimi's place (but they will not die) and… let's just say Orochimaru is prepared for Deidara this time. Deidara is understandably PISSED and will be joining in the rescue with Itachi. And yes, I am having Sasuke leave Konoha with Jiraiya and Naruto, I thought it would be a fun thing to have happen. (Not to mention how much I can tease all you SasuNaru fans mwahahahaha!)
The side story was fun to write, and it hints what the Akatsuki think about Itachi and Kisame leaving the Akatsuki. Obito and Pein are getting nervous that they lost two of their most powerful members. Daiki is a joy to write, I can just type away with no commas because of how fast he talks.
I was going to have a second side story where Madara and Itachi talk but… I hated it, it was stiff and I felt uncomfortable with its atmosphere. So please just use your imagination, cause I am not going to let those two talk one-on-one without Deidara again.
*Seiza Style is the traditional way of sitting in Japan. It's sitting on your legs. You know what I'm talking about, it's in 99.9% of animes.
* While Deidara knows very little about the Boruto series, the one thing that he likes about it is Mitsuki, Orochimaru's clone/kid. That was one of the prime reasons Dei has not killed Orochimaru, because he is hoping that the kid will still be made. (Which, if Orochimaru lives till the end, the kid will exist) My knowledge and opinions of the series have changed, but as I have said before, Dei does not know the new information I obtain.
Next chapter is Sasuke's rescue and the final main storyline chapter for the original Naruto season. The two afterwards are special chapters before shippuden, similar to my 5 year timeskip chapters. Once that's all done is when Deidara has to get busy.
As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all this weekend!
Bye!
