This chapter started off as pretty basic… until my beta and I went through it and added in a ton of stuff. Needless to say this one was fun because I wasn't restricted to dates or special things that needed to happen… this can literally be seen as a series of omakes. Only a handful of moments in here are meant to be taken seriously.
Note about how this was organized: For the most part, with the exception to 3 back-to-back segments and one small AN, none of these are dated but they are in order of events actually happening in the fic. More or less just assume everything is at least one month apart. I put titles before the other event so you know what may be happening in them.
Thank you all for the fave, follows and reviews! I appreciate these so much!
Yurei Hanatsuki: Roger that! I shall roast them as they arrive! And the classics is honestly the easiest way to announce it to Itachi without him going nuts, like how some moms use the pregnancy test… yeah no, that would not work lol.
VenaHope: Madara will definitely be pissed off when he learns about Hashirama… or excited… or both. I will not reveal anything about the twins, but you did guess a few things right about each twin. But I will not say what you got right because that would give away all the fun! :P
Asia1990: Good point on people suggesting OCs and names… I will make an announcement at the bottom AN to prevent that from happening. Kimi knows everything about his Nii-sama already, Dei is very honest to his little brother. Mada, Hashi and Tobi-baka will all converse later on, and Madara will get to see Deidara's improvement in fighting in the future, I'm just terrible at writing fight scenes. Thank you so much for the support and kind words hun, both for the fic and for my school life. I really do appreciate it! :D
duchessliz: Hope you enjoy the Howler! Itachi really is a good Uchiha for Tobirama to meet, had he been alive during the Nidaime's time, maybe he would have treated the clan better. Also, Tobi is Sasori's partner. Remember? I confirmed this in a side story where Deidara went on a mission with Daiki and I spent half the time sick burning Hidan. Don't worry about the rescue arc, things will be just fine. :)
MelonLordOfMelons: Those kids will become sadistic little buggers by the time they become genin, that's for sure. I honestly think that Itachi will be a pretty calm dad if how he handled baby Sasuke is evident enough, especially since neither twin will be born sickly… But Madara will definately be a type of grandpa. What kind of grandpa? Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z- wrong anime.
IsraAl'Attia-Theron:... I have no idea if I should be concerned for you, or laughing my ass off. I'm kinda doing both right now.
Pr1n3ss K3nny: It's gonna be a hell of a ride. XD
Bcp2005: Daiki will most likely show up here and there. He won't have much screen time anymore because the plot is gonna be rolling, but he'll pop up from time to time. :3
Reaper: I have started to read Drifters, but not enough to get an opinion on it as I am super busy in school. But I am starting to enjoy it, the artstyle is nice.
Setokayba2n: Actually, that is the exact opposite as to how Deidara could have saved Fuu. Countries like Taki keep their jinchuurikis a secret, that's why it took the Akatsuki so long to collect all the bijuus. Had Deidara used the info about Fuu, Taki would have lost their shit. Also Deidara was blind in the whole thing, he didn't know when the Akatsuki would strike, that's why he was lost the entire time and eventually lost track of the team. Deidara will also not be bringing back either the Sandaime or Yondaime, Orochimaru can handle with that lol.
crazby: Orochimaru had their DNA, but not their corpses. All four hokages were sealed inside the reaper's stomach and without one of the masks no one can summon them. Dei chose not to summon Hiruzen and Minato because Hiruzen... would just rage quit everything, and Naruto needs to talk with Minato via the seal, so they are still up for grabs if someone uses a reaper's mask. Glad you liked the chapter! :D
ladybug002: I know! X3 I was dying because of how cute some of this stuff became.
Anony: I doubt you'll see this… but you do realize that SI stories that never reveals anything to anyone either results in the plot not changing, or it becomes so boring that even the author drops it, right? Most complete SI stories at least go with a "I know the future" shtick. Your opinion, but you don't have to be rude about it; at least use proper grammar and spelling if you're going to tell me you dislike my story. Oh well, thanks for checking it out anyway!
Otakus-Are-Us: Your username sounds like an anime store and I love it. Anyway, I'm glad you are liking the story so far! Madara will know about the twins later in a special side story, which I will post in a few chapters when I deem it more appropriate. Most likely after the Kazekage rescue arc. :3
Ringo1327: That sadly is going to end up with a big "Nope", I have stated in the past that minus the SI and that one chapter with Maria, there would be no other people from our world being in the Naruto world. Also it would be physically impossible for that person to try anything because they would be a newborn… and no matter how developed you are mentally, newborns cannot do anything. Thanks for the suggestion though. ^^
ShadowOfOrder: You have read correctly hun! Up until the last month I have been uploading twice a week (now once a week because of school), and each chapter has progressively gotten longer until I have now produced an average of 7K per chapter. This is the product of an active imagination and taking a Creative Writing class in high school. I'm honestly surprised at myself for writing this much. As you have said, most authors take 4 months to produce 80,000… dunno how I was able to do more than double that. Thank you so much for the kind words and welcome to my fanfiction! If you ever get questions, please feel free to PM me since I know fishing through this mess of an author's note can be a pain for information. :3
uqoxe24: Don't worry, I update every weekend. ^^ Glad you are enjoying this!
Blah - Title for a new segment
Blah - Passage of time
"Blah" - English
Warning: Language, lots of sexy jutsu, minor violence, minors gambling, usage of cap lock, Bob Ross references, pretend yaoi… long story short this chapter is very cracky.
Disclaimer: Have you seen the stuff I'm making? I definitely do not own Naruto… or Bob Ross… or any other references that may be littered around here.
Postmen
They have been traveling for only a couple weeks when a thought process passed through the boys as they stared at the back of Jiraiya's head.
'When is he going to start being a teacher?'
Everytime the two thought Jiraiya would teach them something new, he would drop them off at an inn and head to a brothel to get drunk and be with women. Of course the two are independant enough to train together, but without guidance they haven't learned anything new except out to throw a harder punch. Sasuke did have some scrolls that he gotten from Itachi, but this trip was more or less for him to evolve chidori and create new techniques. Besides, he'd rather learn clan techniques with his brother.
"Oi brats, we're stopping here for the night." Jiraiya casually points at an inn, and after paying for the room, retreats to get more sake and spend time with some ladies.
"This is ridiculous, we're wasting our time waiting for him to finish that stupid book." Sasuke sits on the floor in annoyance.
Naruto rubs his head, "I know, but what can we do?"
Sasuke pauses in though, before rummaging through Jiraiya's bag and pulling out one of his Icha Icha books, "I have a plan."
That night
While Jiraiya snoozed away after not writing a single thing for his manuscript, the boys split apart the stack of paper into two. Sasuke had his sharingan on after spending several hours copying Jiraiya's handwriting.
"Okay, I got the smut, you have the comedy. We already agreed on the plot based on what his previous books had."
"Roger, dattebayo!"
The two worked away until dawn, functioning mostly on coffee they had smuggled upstairs as this inn forbid children from consuming it. The occasional crumpled paper would be tossed aside as someone -namely Naruto- would incorrectly spell a word or it did not flow correctly.
By the time morning had arrived, Sasuke had carefully organized all the pages into an envelope and the duo head down the stairs to the entrance of the inn. A shinobi postman was collecting an envelope with important documentation from the Land of Claws.
"You know, writing isn't all that ba- GAH!" Naruto had slipped on the newly cleaned stairs and his hand conveniently smacked the envelope out of Sasuke's grip. This resulted in the blond to crash into the Land of Claw messengers and both papers scattered.
Both men gasp, "The secret documents!"
Sasuke paused at that, 'I have a bad feeling about this…' He collects the envelope as the other parcel was given to the shinobi postman. The postman informs Naruto that Jiraiya's editor was in a different area, which the desired postman conveniently arrived.
"Hello! I will happily take that for you sir." The postman reaches for the envelope when Sasuke backed up.
"Sorry, I want to make sure it's in order."
The postman patiently nodded with a blank smile, "Understood! The mail must always be in tip-top shape for the customer!"
Sasuke opened the envelope only to pale, "Dobe… this isn't the manuscript."
Naruto blinks, "Eh? Whaddya mean, dattebayo?"
"This is a proclamation of peace between the Land of Claws and the Land of Fang! The other guy has the manuscript and is sending it to the Fang's daimyo!" Sasuke was sweating bullets now, 'Great! Deidara is going to kill us if he learns we started a war!"
"We gotta stop him then!" Naruto was about to run when the postman in front of them, raised his hand.
"A shinobi postman must deliver mail with no stop even at the cost of their lives!" Both boys looked at each other, before punching the guy in the stomach to render him immobile for the time, realizing that if they tried to run, the postman would chase them.
"Sorry, but we can't start a war, dattebayo!"
Meanwhile with Jiraiya
"Ngh... man that was a good nights sleep… did I write last night…?" Jiraiya opens up one of the crumpled papers to examine the writing.
It was… sadly one of Naruto's pages.
"What the hell?! If this gets published, my writing career is ruined!"
Back with the boys
"Why is this guy so fast! I didn't even know shinobi postmen existed!" Sasuke was leaping through the trees trying to catch up with the speedy postman.
"Deidara-nii uses them when sending mail to Iwa, says he trusts postmen over his own clay birds, dattebayo!"
Sasuke nearly trips over his own feet, "Great, someone Deidara trusts. We're screwed."
"Hey, do you hear all those footsteps?" Naruto looks over his shoulder to see at least a dozen shinobi postmen chasing after them, "What the hell?!"
"Guess our friend called reinforcements." The two used this as a form of training to dodge the shinobi postmen… until a familiar voice rang out.
"NARUTO! UCHIHA! STOP!" Oh no, now Jiraiya was chasing the boys.
"Pervy Sage, you don't understand, we're trying to stop a war!" Naruto winces as Jiraiya plows through a bunch of postmen.
"There will be war if that manuscript gets delivered!"
Speaking at once, "WE KNOW!"
The poor kids spent over an hour dodging postmen and Jiraiya, who sadly was under the impression the envelope was his manuscript no matter what they said. They eventually caught up with their target as he made a beeline for the daimyo's palace entrance. Sasuke thought of something, "Naruto! Use your harem jutsu!"
"Eh?" A brief pause, "Ohhh! Okay! Shadow clone jutsu!" There was suddenly several dozen Narutos littering the place, "Transform! Harem jutsu!"
Within seconds there was dozens of noses gushing out blood as Narukos in bikinis latched themselves to the postmen and Jiraiya, giggling cutely.
"Please play with me~!" The postman that the two were targeting momentarily paused at seeing all the cute girls… only to remember he has a job to do. Slowly, he dragged himself to the gate and handed the envelope to the guards, resulting in Naruto transforming back to normal, "Dammit! He has a will of steel!"
With the envelope now in the hands of the daimyo, the postmen leave and the boys had to explain to Jiraiya about the whole swapping fiasco. Realizing how dangerous this could get the three proceed to spy on the daimyo as he read the manuscript…
Blushing and giggling like a pervert.
Jiraiya sweat drops 'Does this mean my writing is no better than a couple of brats scrawl?'
Sasuke's eyebrow twitched, 'We have these kinds of men in power?'
Naruto was just lost in thought, 'I wonder if it's my writing he likes, or Sasuke's writing…'
Parents
"Naruto, we have to talk about something important. Sit down." For once, Jiraiya wasn't focused on women or his novels which confused the boys.
Naruto sits across from Jiraiya as Sasuke leans against the wall, "What's up Pervy Sage?"
Jiraiya sighs, "It's time I told you about your parents." Now both boys perked up, Naruto has always wanted to know about his birth family. Sasuke was just wondering if Naruto's idiocy was genetics or Deidara just hit his head one too many times. His money was on both.
Naruto motions for the sage to continue, "Your father was the Yondaime Hokage, Namikaze Minato. He was my precious student, and had named me your godfather while your mother, Uzumaki Kushina, was pregnant with you… your mother was the former kyuubi host."
And so Jiraiya told Naruto about his parents. How Kushina was excited to have him, how his father chose to name him Naruto after reading Jiraiya's first book, "The only thing I cannot tell you about is how they died… I know they passed to seal the kyuubi away, but I do not know the whole story."
Naruto looks at his hands, "So that's why Deidara-nii always read that book… why didn't he tell me about them, dattebayo?"
Jiraiya scratches the side of his face slightly, "He said he wanted me to tell you everything. Saying he had no right… and that you should learn from someone who knew them personally." He lowers his head slightly, "Look kid… I'm sorry I wasn't there after they died… I don't have any excuses…"
Naruto didn't talk, he just kept staring at his hands. Before Jiraiya could speak up again, the blond smiles at him, "Thank you Pervy Sage, for telling me about my parents. For being willing to train us, dattebayo." He couldn't hate someone like Jiraiya, not many people can even make the blond hate them with the exception of Orochimaru.
Sasuke decided that this was a good time to jump in, "Looks like you got your personality from your mother."
Naruto twists his head at Sasuke, "What the hell, teme?!"
Sasuke stuffs his hands in his pocket, "Shut up. You were stewing in your own thoughts so much I thought you were going to turn what little brains you had left into ramen. I know you were going to chew Jiraiya out but forgave at the last minute, you're too soft hearted sometimes dobe. Anyway, when we get home you can ask Deidara if he knows how your parents died."
Now both the sage and the blond were staring at the Uchiha in confusion.
"Tch. Idiots. Have either of you ever noticed that Deidara always acts like he knows things he shouldn't? He knew Haku and Zabuza were supposed to die. He somehow conveniently got to Karin before Orochimaru. Speaking of that guy, he even knew that Orochimaru was going to try and give me a curse mark. Why else would he give me a… weasel..."
Naruto tilts his head, "What about weasels?"
Sasuke rubs his face slightly, "How could I have been so stupid! He knew Itachi was innocent all along, even before we became genin. That's why he used a weasel to protect me. He could have easily stuffed a clay duck into my collar."
'Well, kid is even smarter than I was lead to believe.' Jiraiya deadpans blandly in thought. He never really associated himself around Uchihas, but it's no surprise that he would be intelligent, "In anycase Naruto, any questions you have about your parents… ask me."
The rest of the evening was Jiraiya telling Naruto all of the fun mischief he gotten into with Minato, and the hell Kushina would rise.
"Kaa-chan sounds like Deidara-nii... but a woman, dattebayo…"
Artistic withdrawals
"Um… teme, why are your hands all shaky? We've barely started our training, dattebayo." Naruto tilts his head in confusion as Sasuke struggled to hold a kunai, they have only been training with Jiraiya for a few months now, and lately Sasuke has been twitchy.
"I don't know… Dammit, why didn't I pack any clay?"
That caught Naruto's attention, "Yeah, why didn't you pack any?" He folds his arms as his friend threw his arms up in frustration.
"I didn't want to distract myself! Why the hell do I need clay anyway!" A brief pause as he looked at the messenger toad resting on top of a snoozing, tipsy Jiraiya, "I'm going to ask Deidara for some clay."
A week later
The toad returned with a scroll containing art supplies for Sasuke, along with a teasing note about Sasuke having withdrawals from a lack of art.
Naruto snickers as Sasuke was quick to dive into the clay, "teme is addicted to art."
"Shut up dobe, at least I'm not addicted to something that gives you high-blood pressure."
This resulted in a two hour long battle between the boys addiction to art and ramen. Jiraiya just let it happen, they needed to let out some pent up energy anyway. The more they sleep, the less he has to deal with their bickering.
The next day
At an inn, Sasuke was painting on a canvas that Deidara had sent while Jiraiya was snoozing away and Naruto was watching with interest. The blond knew better than to interrupt the Uchiha when he was in the zone, instead he was waiting for one of the best parts of watching Sasuke paint.
After Sasuke was done using one of his colors, he calmly wetted his brush, flicked the water…
And proceed to beat the devil out of his brush.
Jiraiya sprang to his feet alerted by the sudden rapid noise of something beating against metal, "What the hell happened?!" He then had to duck as about 5 palette knives flew in his direction, barely missing him, and piercing the wall.
Naruto shushes Jiraiya, "Quiet, Sasuke doesn't like it when people interrupt his painting."
Jiraiya's face turns red with annoyance, "Why does he have to make that noise when he cleans his paintbrush?!"
Naruto deadpans, "Deidara-nii says that Sasuke is beating the devil out of his brush by doing it. He says in a few years it will be the holiest item of the Uchiha clan. It just needs to be blessed by a monk, dattebayo." Jiraiya could not believe that his godson could say all this with a blank expression, it was like someone just told him the sky was blue.
Suddenly one of the inn's caretakers bolted into the room, "Is everything oka-" She was cut short when Jiraiya yanked her away from even more palette knives.
"We are fine, this is a shinobi's form of stress relief. I'll seal the room so the other guests are not disturbed." He quickly ushers the poor woman out, collecting the knives in the hallway, "Okay, why the hell does the Uchiha have so many of these kniv- wow these are really floppy and dull…" To prove his point, he proceeds to pluck the end of the knife with his fingers.
Naruto shrugs, "Deidara-nii keeps giving them to him. Also those may be dull, but teme has been able to kill chunin clones with those things, dattebayo."
Jiraiya sweat drops, "I'm going to let Deidara know that the Uchiha does not need anymore palette knives."
The sannin also had to quickly seal the room as Sasuke proceed to beat the devil out of his brush again.
Devil
"Oi, Pervy Sage, the fire went out, dattebayo." The trio was in a lush jungle like area and had recently caught a gigantic fish to eat for dinner.
"Make the Uchiha do it. I'm busy working on my novel." Jiraiya tilts his head back in a miserable, writer's block thought, 'I can't get the appearance of my heroine right.'
"I used up all my chakra working on a new type of jutsu, no thanks to your help." Sasuke still doesn't see Jiraiya as a teacher, or anyone worthy of respect, "Why did I agree to go with you losers? I should be having Nii-san teach me clan techniques and testing my strength against Deidara. The sooner I get stronger, the sooner he stops diving headfirst into danger."
"I don't care about your training teme, I want to eeeeeaaaatttttt! Come on Pervy Sage! It would just take a minute, dattebayo!" Naruto tried to get Jiraiya's attention, only for the sage to mutter something about inspiration, "Oh. Transform!"
Incomes Naruko, wearing a sexy purple demon two piece, tail and all, "Oh~ Jiraiya-sama! Please light my flame~!" Followed by an overly sexualized high pitch moan and a wiggle of her butt to show off her tail.
With sparks in his eyes, Jiraiya yells in triumph and uses fire jutsu to perfectly roast the fish. This resulted in Naruko to jump around, bouncing her boobs along the way as she cheered for the delicious meal that was prepared.
Poor Sasuke was thinking something else as he stared at Naruko, 'I am never going to marry a woman with that body figure. Ever. I'd sooner die a virgin.' Seeing his best friend as a almost naked woman nearly turned him off of girls entirely, if it wasn't for the fact Naruko still looked like Naruto. Cautiously, like a cat approaching a closeby prey, he pulls out his brush and proceeds to beat Naruko's face with the brush.
"GAH! What the hell?!" Naruko transforms back into Naruto and glares at the Uchiha, who stopped beating him mid-brushstroke.
"Oh… It worked."
"What worked you bastard!" Now Naruto's face smelled like paint.
"I was able to beat the devil out of your female form." Without missing a beat, Sasuke goes to the fish and starts peeling off parts of the meat to enjoy.
Jiraiya pauses after witnessing the brats argue for the… 10th time today, pretty low actually. He begins to think about Naruto's transformation, 'Almost perfect… but still missing something...' He cleared his throat, "Say Naruto. Since I lit the fire for your food. How about you light the flame of my writer's soul in return?" He questions with a thumbs up and a grin.
"Don't act like you just said something cool, dattebayo. Besides I don't care about your dumb books… but I guess it can't be helped."
"Just use that jutsu again, but with more…" He chuckles as he holds his hands in a T sign, "T-back!"
Naruto tilts his head in confusion as Sasuke did a facepalm, "Eh? What are you talking about?"
Despite being a pervert, Jiraiya didn't seem to have the courage to say underwear, but he did have the courage to be descriptive, "Ya know, the thing that drives between the ass." (AN: I'm more or less using words from certain versions of the sub)
Sasuke couldn't stop facepalming as Naruto slowly nods in "understanding", "Oh that!" He uses the jutsu again… and turns into a sumo wrestler. Sasuke slammed his hands over his mouth as he tried not to laugh at how idiotic this scene is becoming.
Jiraiya yells in frustration, "That's not right! I wanted a T-back! T-back, T-back, T-back!"
"Oh shut up about 'T-back's! It's annoying!" But Jiraiya kept repeating himself until Naruto couldn't take it anymore and sumo slammed Jiraiya into oblivion.
Sasuke was dying at this point while Naruto transformed back to normal, "D-Dobe. He means a thong." He recovered from his laughing fit as Jiraiya stared at the young Uchiha in shock, "Deidara made sure we were well aware of what women wear when he taught the girls how to dress properly."
'I thought Deidara was mentally a woman?' Jiraiya raises an eyebrow, "So he's a closet pervert?"
Both boys went quiet for a moment before speaking in blank unison, "No, he is thorough in his education." It was pretty creepy to Jiraiya how those two can think alike, but be so different.
Sasuke stands up, "You're the adult here, yet you can't say the word thong. I wonder how you would react to an actual one… transform." Now it was Naruto's turn to be traumatized. (AN: It's pretty traumatizing for the author and beta as well)
Sasuke turned into an adult female version of himself, long pale legs and a full hourglass figure. Her outfit turned into a sexy black bikini with a thong bottom, resting her arms against her head and behind her long spiked hair, causing her large breast to be elevated. It's evident by her "I couldn't give a shit" expression and the spider lilies on the bra that Deidara was an influence on the design. (AN: Sasuke has seen Dei's sexy jutsu off screen.)
"I hope this is satisfying…" Her voice was a typical kuudere, this seemed to make Jiraiya once again rocket ship backwards in a nosebleed. Sasuke breaks the jutsu almost instantly, "That, was disturbing. I never want to do that again."
Naruto nods frantically, "You being a woman is scary. At least Deidara-nii makes a pretty girl, dattebayo."
The two ate in silent agreement while their teacher bled out from the nose.
Year 1, February
Jiraiya was off being an irresponsible adult as per usual, leaving two 14 year olds alone to entertain themselves. Needless to say, these particular teenagers need to be watched at all time.
"Are you sure they will fall for this?" Sasuke looks at his hands after using a henge to transform into Itachi, "I doubt adults are this stupid, except for Jiraiya." The Uchiha shakes his head, as hearing his speech pattern with Itachi's voice is as weird as watching a duck trying to swim on top of ice… it doesn't work. (AN: Not stuck in the ice, they are on top of the ice. You can find them on youtube, it's really awkward and you end up feeling bad for the birds.)
Naruto waves his hand non-chalantly, looking like Deidara, "Relax teme, I got this, dattebayo." Sasuke winces when Naruto's verbal tic was used in Deidara's voice, "Wow, that sounds weird."
"Hn, let's just get this over with. I want to see how lucky you actually are." The boys enter the slot machine house, Naruto sits in front of the machine and Sasuke leans over him to watch, "We leave the moment you lose 3 games."
3 hours later
"JACKPOT!"
Sasuke was sweat dropping, "I cannot believe you have this much luck… Tsunade could learn a thing or two from you."
"Heehee, this is easy, dattebayo!" Naruto collects all of his coins with Sasuke's help to turn his winnings into cash. While going through the whole process, a tall intimidating man approaches the duo.
The man, who is actually the owner, looks at all of the coins then at the two "men" in front of him, "After you collect your winnings, you two are banned from this shop." He hands the two their cash and promptly kicks them out. The only reason why he didn't deny them their winnings is purely because the daimyo would have the shop's head if they complained.
Sasuke looks at Naruto, "Your brother is going to kill you if he learns we got him and Nii-san banned from a gambling house."
Naruto shrugs and disables the henge, "Deidara-nii doesn't like gambling, and he has no reason to be out here anytime soon. So we should be safe dattebayo!"
Year 1, June
Jiraiya's messenger toad appeared before the trio in the middle of the forest with his usual packages. Money for the boys and some intel for Jiraiya. But what confused them was the the envelope that said "Only open when there are no people around" with a heart at the end of it.
"It's Deidara-nii's handwriting, dattebayo." This confused them even more, as Deidara rarely gives them letters, "It also says to give these to pervy sage." He hands a pair of earplugs to Jiraiya.
Jiraiya puts them in as Naruto opened the envelope and to the sage, it was like the world was vibrating.
But to the boys… it was something much worse.
"UZUMAKI NARUTO AND UCHIHA SASUKE!" That was Deidara's voice alright! And he didn't sound happy. (AN: I apologize if the caps bothers anyone. But it is a howler.)
"Care to explain to me why I was just told I was banned from a GAMBLING HOUSE. And in the security footage had me using Naruto's verbal tic?! HUH?! CARE TO EXPLAIN THAT TO ME?" The letter was acting sentient, as every time the boys tried to move away from it, the letter would get in their ears during the loud part.
"Gaaaaahhhh my ears!" Sasuke was trying to cover his own ears, but the letter was like an air horn placed in front of a megaphone at max volume in a cave. It was so loud even the bark on the nearby trees started to split.
"I EXPECTED THIS FROM JIRAIYA! BUT YOU TWO?! WORDS CANNOT EXPLAIN HOW PISSED I AM!"
The boys spoke at once, "We can hear your rage!"
"I KNOW YOU TWO JUST SASSED THIS LETTER!"
'How the hell…?'
"If you two are going to gamble DO NOT DO IT IN A HENGE OF ITACHI AND ME! UNDERSTAND?!"
Suddenly the letter had a more pleasant tune, "I'll see you two in a year, please behave, brush your teeth, take baths and remember that I love you both dearly, un." The boys started to relax, maybe he wasn't as mad as they thought?
Bad idea.
"If I hear you two gamble again before you are 16, I will hunt you down string you upside down in Konoha… AND BEAT YOU LIKE A FUCKING PIÑATA!" The boys didn't know what a piñata was, but guessing by the other words Deidara spoke in English, it would hurt. The letter sets itself on fire and vanish into ash.
Jiraiya examines the nearby trees in interest, "That is an effective jutsu… what did you two do to make him so mad?" He looks at the boys… who were on the ground, foaming at the mouth unconscious, "... Very effective jutsu indeed."
Year 1, November
The messenger toad arrived once again, this time with a freakishly large amount of scrolls. Only a couple were for Sasuke from Itachi, containing clan jutsus and techniques they perfected over the generations. The rest were for Naruto.
"You know… this stuff is actually pretty easy to understand, dattebayo." Naruto was currently looking at one of the most complex sealing scrolls Karin was able to find in Uzushio, "The kanji are a little hard to read, but the ones that I can read make sense for what this does. This is meant to capture lighting, dattebayo."
Out of curiosity, Sasuke leans over Naruto's shoulder to examine the scroll, "All I see are scribbles, must be due to your mother's Uzumaki blood that allows you to read that stuff…" On the inside, Sasuke was somewhat nervous about Naruto being able to seal up lightning, that would make the new jutsu he was inventing, Kirin, to be obsolete if they were to fight for real.
"Maybe so, but this is easier to understand than genjutsu. Hey teme, let's test these out, dattebayo!"
Sasuke sighs, "Sure, but don't blame me if you get hurt because you didn't know what you were doing."
Needless to say, Naruto got fried and Sasuke got splattered with ink.
New clothes (AN: It is now year 2)
Jiraiya examines the two boys laying on the ground out of breath, both of them have their clothes all cut up from today's training. He's also noticed their limbs are getting longer, "Up you two. We need to shop."
Sasuke lifts his head to glare at the old man, "Shop for what?" The growl in his tone indicated his lack of trust in Jiraiya regarding his money.
Jiraiya lifts his arms in surrender, "Relax Sasuke. You two need new clothes, these ones are all cut up and you're getting taller too." He offers his hands to the boys, and after a brief exchange of glances, they take his hands to stand.
At a clothing store, Jiraiya was helping Naruto pick his outfit while Sasuke went to do his own shopping.
"They say the clothes make the man." Jiraiya smiles proudly as Naruto zips up his coat. It was the same shippuden outfit, but with black pants instead of orange. Naruto also got the long black cloth for his forehead protector, as that was also destroyed.
"So does that make you a child?" The duo turns to look at Sasuke, who smirked coyly, "Let's face it Jiraiya, you look like a mixture of a frog and a street performer."
Sasuke's outfit was just like his Road to Ninja clothes, but again with black pants instead of army green and there was no Uchiha symbols on his person. His forehead protector was nowhere to be seen, though it didn't take a genius to figure out that he hated wearing it in the first place.
Naruto's eyes widen, "Wow, you look cool, dattebayo! But… er… you don't have your clan's mark anywhere." He began circling his best friend in confusion, trying to find the red and white fan.
Sasuke pushes Naruto away to get some space, "Dobe. We are going to be in more towns the next few months as we head back to Konoha. It wouldn't do us any good if word spreads that an Uchiha is nearby. I'll have my clan's symbol put on all my shirts when we are home."
Still somewhat hurt by the frog comment, Jiraiya rubs his chin, "Cheeky brat… but good point, I should have had Deidara send you clothes like that a long time ago, but never crossed my mind. As long as you do not tell others your last name it should make you semi-harder to track."
Naruto quickly caught on with the conversation, but gave the two an odd look, "But wouldn't Orochimaru be able to track Sasuke down anyway since he's traveling with us, dattebayo?"
Jiraiya gives Naruto a half-hearted glare, "Killing my mojo. You do have a good point as well, but in the case we would have to separate, it still helps."
Neither boy argued with that statement as they paid for their clothes and head out, Naruto looks at Sasuke, "Hey teme, let's see how these new outfits fare against a little sparring."
Sasuke simply smirks, "You're on. I need to test out chidori senbon some more before I test it in actual combat." The two ran off as Jiraiya kept to a casual pace.
He smiles before looking at the clouds, "Those two are more alike than they admit."
Mixed bath incident
The trio stopped at a hot springs town for a few days to resupply and collect any new information from Deidara. It didn't take long for a certain pervert to learn something interesting.
"Where are you going Pervy Sage?" Naruto swallows an origini while looking a scroll.
Jiraiya looks at the two teens giggling pervertedly, "There's a mixed bath, I'm gonna enjoy looking at the ladies~." And he was gone before the boys could try anything.
Sasuke sighs, "I'm surprised neither of us inherited his perverted nature." He returns to his sketchpad absentmindedly.
Naruto rolls his eyes, "Deidara-nii would kill us if we started peeking at girl, dattebayo. Besides, I already have a lady waiting for me!" He brushes his thumb across his nose smirking, "I cannot wait for Hinata to see how much I've grown!"
Sasuke snorts, "Yeah, a whole two inches."
"TEME!"
With Jiraiya
'Not again… I just wanted some ladies, WHY IS IT FULL OF OLD MEN?!' Jiraiya cries to himself as other old men seemed to have had the same idea as him.
Back with the boys
"Think we should get some souvenirs from this place, dattebayo?" Naruto examines a wallet with a cute chibi dragon on it, "Kimi-nii likes dragons…"
Sasuke stuffs his hands in his pockets, "Hn. Maybe, we are missing everyone's birthdays. I wonder if Nii-san needs anything." He was more of a practical shopper, he also didn't like to touch anything he wasn't going to buy.
In the corner of their eyes, they notice a fake statue of a bear with a fish, and shiver involuntarily to themselves. Thinking at the same time, 'Worst mission ever. Even worse than finding Tora.'
Back with Jiraiya, again
"Finally, all the guys are gone… BUT WHY ARE THERE SO MANY MONKEYS?!" Jiraiya curses every Kami in the universe for giving him more monkeys, "This is just like the last time!"
That evening
Naruto and Sasuke watch as a miserable looking Jiraiya slumps into one of the futons to mope to himself. He was muttering something about a lack of girls.
"... Let's go take a bath dobe." The two quickly leave so they didn't have to deal with a sad pervert.
At the baths
"Oh my! You two are just the cutest~!" The boys found themselves surrounded by over a dozen cute, naked girls, all giggling and cooing at them as they tried to remain modest and not look anywhere.
'Think of Hinata! Be an honorable man Naruto! You will not look at these ladies that way!' Naruto of course, was having a hard time as some of the adult women were feeling his spikey hair and gushing at how soft it was.
Sasuke was no better off, 'Oh course the moment we show up, there are suddenly girls. The giggly fangirl type as well.' He had about 5 girls ask if he's single and/or have an older brother.
With the sulking pervert
Jiraiya sniffs miserably to himself, "Why are there never any cute girls during the day?"
Final treck
"I need to gather information… ACTUAL information." He has to emphasize that this was serious as his two students glared at him heavily, "You two remain at this cafe until I get back." Turning on his geta sandals, he walks off to question people.
Reluctantly, the boys entered the cafe and sat down. Sasuke ordered black coffee while Naruto ordered the house dessert, which would take some time to make. Feeling mother nature calling, Naruto quickly retreated to the bathrooms to avoid making a scene.
Taking a sip of the bitter liquid, Sasuke noticed something in the corner of his eye, '3… 2… 1… now.'
"Um… Hey is anyone sitting here?" Two girls around Sasuke's age pointed at Naruto's booth right across from him, obviously interested in the new boy.
"Hn." Sasuke neither confirmed nor denied the question, hoping that if he acted disinterested, they would go away. Apparently, they didn't get the memo as they slid into the booth, giggling about him.
"We don't get many young travelers around here. You got a name?" The brunette one batted her eyelashes to the question, as if that would get his attention.
"Sasuke." There was no need to give them his family name, 'Maybe they would go away if I act like I'm on a mission?' It was worth a shot, "I need to be left alone. I'm on a mission."
Now the two were leaning in interest, the blonde piped in the next question, "Oooh, you're a shinobi Sasuke-kun? What kind of mission are you doing?" Definitely civilians in a non-shinobi village. No one else would be stupid enough to ask shinobi what their mission was as a way to flirt.
Sasuke bristled in annoyance, "Classified information." But that seemed to only make the girls more interested, 'Help.'
"Gaaahhhhh, Sasuke was right, that was a bad fish." Naruto left the toilet after flushing and washing his hands. Returning to the main part of the cafe, he noticed Sasuke with two girls talking to him, "Hmmm… Based on how stiff he is… alright."
Before anyone could realize what was happening, Sasuke's vision was blocked by a bunch of yellow. The girl's view on Sasuke was blocked by a boy in orange and black. And the sudden weight to Sasuke's lap only made the situation more awkward.
"I thought we agreed you wouldn't flirt with anymore girls love, dattebayo." While also uncomfortable, Naruto was willing to help his best friend get rid of fangirls.
Sasuke, albeit also uncomfortable, wrapped his arms around Naruto's waist and settled his head on the blond's shoulder, "Sorry. I couldn't be rude to them." A smirk played on his lip as the two girls' faces turned bright red from embarrassment.
"Y-You're dating a guy?!"
Naruto snorts, "Yeah. Childhood friends turned lovers, isn't that right you smug bastard?" He nuzzles his face into Sasuke's hair, 'Hm, teme uses the same shampoo as Deidara-nii.'
'Kill me, kill me, someone kill me now.' "Yeah, took me awhile to love this loser. But his sunshine personality made my grey skies blue." Sasuke gives Naruto a squeeze when he feels a chuckle threatening to escape the blond. (AN: I'm gagging at the cheese, my beta is squealing her head off.)
The two were terrified as the prospect of these girls wanting proof that they were indeed dating… sadly the Universe seemed to also hate them, "Prove it. Neither of you seem to actually be in love."
Sasuke pales considerably, 'I swear to Kami if this loser kisses me for the THIRD TIME, I'm going to-'
Chu~
Without any hesitation, Naruto planted his lips on Sasuke's cheek, while also wrapping an arm around Sasuke's neck to keep the Uchiha from retreating. Turning his head slightly, he gives the girl's a smug grin, "Do you ladies mind? I haven't been able to talk to my man in forever, and I'd like some alone time, dattebayo."
The girls sputter for a few moments, before taking their retreat right away. It was obvious that they were not use to such a raw display of affection, such as these two lovebirds… note the extreme sarcasm.
Naruto laughed, "Well that got rid of the- OW! What the hell you bastard?!" Sasuke had just pushed Naruto off his lap and onto the floor.
"You idiot! What gave you the idea of sitting in my lap?! You're heavy! Also why the hell did you kiss me?!"
Sparks flew between the boys eyes, "Well you're no cream puff yourself! I was trying to get rid of those girls before you gave away information, dattebayo!"
"I had it handled Naruto!" Sasuke's face was bright red, both from yelling and from embarrassment.
"Yeah, sure you were! I could feel you begging for help all the way in the bathroom!"
A giggly waitress pops up with Naruto's food, "It's cute seeing boys help each other out with girls. They show up everytime shinobi stop by and ends up making them leave out of annoyance. So thank you! We'll start suggesting the idea to teams that show up." She sets down Naruto's dessert and skips away happily. It's obvious she wasn't a fan of those girls either.
The duo exchange glances before Naruto slid back into his booth, "No one will know about this, dattebayo." Followed by him violently consuming his dessert.
Sasuke nods, "Agreed." While he drowned himself in coffee.
Neither of them noticed Jiraiya on the other side of the shop snickering to himself, 'Deidara is going to have a field day.'
Home
Seeing Konoha in view, both boys rushed towards the gate in excitement. Sasuke leaped onto a roof while Naruto was stood on a pole.
Throwing his arms out in triumph, Naruto shouts out, "Good ol' Konoha! Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke have returned, dattebayo!"
Sasuke smirked to himself, "I have to admit, I missed this place."
"Sasuke-kun! Naruto! Hey!" Looking down, the two see a familiar pinkette waving to them smiling.
"Ah! Sakura-chan!" Naruto leaped from the pole, only to get tackled down by his older brothers. Sasuke was currently being greeted by his own brother in a more formal, less huggy manner… until said brother pushed Sasuke off the roof so he could join the hugging fest down below.
They were home at last.
FINALLY! Shippuden is going to show up in the next chapter! I have to say, it's a nice breath of fresh air to just have a bunch of chapters be full of random crap. I was able to relax and do whatever I wanted in this chapter because it's Naruto and Sasuke training. I chose not to include any actual "training" bits because… it's not fun to write really. It's easier to just give hints here and there. Anyone notice how Jiraiya only called Sasuke by his first name during the end bit of their travels? Took him a while to care for Sasuke, but now he does.
Okay, because this was brought to my attention, I am going to talk about Dei and Itachi's twins.
I have almost EVERYTHING about these twins planned out. Names, appearances, personalities, special skills, the only thing I have not planned out is how they will work in the "Boruto" bit as I have yet to decide who will be havings kids or not. Feel free to guess to your heart's content, I will not reveal anything until they are born, but I will tell you if you are correct in something either by vaguely replying to your review like normal, or by PM. I am not kidding when I say that you will never be able to guess one of the twin's names, at all. There is no connections with one of the twins names, it's literally just my favorite Japanese name. The other one is guessable. They will be born before Kurenai has her own baby and will be premature as a result, but they will not be born for a LONG time. I also will not take OC suggestion, nor will I be putting someone from our world into their bodies, I just wanted to make that clear up front.
Next chapter marks the way to shippuden! It's time for the craziness to erupt and more relationships to develop! Woohoo!
As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all next weekend with shippuden!
Bye!
