Well… finally done with the Sora arc, now for Hidan and Kakuzu to get some screen time! I had to go through this several times to make sure I had enough dialogue, as my beta was not satisfied the first time around with the lack of character interactions… I went from 9 pages to 13 pages in a span of 2 hours. If only I could write essays that fast…
Fair warning, I ranted at the bottom of this author's note to address a trend I'm noticing in reviews, and really hope that people will see it and understand where my frustration is coming from. Also under that rant I have an announcement to make regarding updates.
Thank you guys for the fave, follows and reviews. We hit 500 followers guys! WOOHOO! Thank you so much for the support, I keep smiling everytime I see the story grow! Also… damn, lot of people hate Sora.
crazby: Izuna as a doberman puppy sounds adorably cute and I wish I could see that actually happen. I fixed the bit on Sasuke being left handed (I forgot about it tbh so thank you!). I still question why make a character like Sora, and then have him conveniently lose his kyuubi chakra despite that should have happened YEARS ago.
Yurei Hanatsuki: I believe C4 would be able to destroy Hidan entirely, as it destroys on the cellular level. Also your laugh reminds me of Papyrus from Undertale lol.
Asia1990: I can't see Yugito and Kakashi together so that won't happen (Also she's kinda… dead.) Glad my simile made you laugh. I have considered resurrecting the edo tensei, but that would most likely only happen with Madara as he seems to be the only one that knew how to do it. The hokages deserve to have their eternal peace and Izuna… meh, I can image he'd be fine with going to the afterlife. I'm not fully sure on what I will do with them, Deidara's idea was to just reanimate them so no one else could. School hasn't burnt me out yet, but it might. Kami I am so done with my nutrition class.
Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: Oh hun, you don't have to do the Sora arc, I only did it because I said that I would do almost all of the arcs and didn't list this one. I also had plot reasons like him dying. Glad you liked the "seducing" scene, my beta and I thought that it would be accurate to their characters with Dei being a tease and Itachi not being use to women lol. XD
VenaHope: Sora pops up after Naruto's team meets Sasuke for the first time in Shippuden, starts on episode 58. I got into Naruto in 2010 when the Pein invasion arc was new (and was my first actual episodes because I watched them with my friend), so almost 8 years now. I stayed loyal to the series until it ended, read the manga special about Sarada and promptly disowned the sequel faster than Naruto can scream out Sasuke's name. The anime and manga helped prevent me from getting depression, cope with a few other personal subjects, and allowed me to get into Japanese culture. I honestly would not be as big of a fan of Japanese culture had I got into any other anime, as what got me into the culture was the mythologies tied behind character's names and creations.
Pr1nc3ss K3nny: Sasuke's susano-o is purple. Madara is good at showing concern without actually expression it, just stare at Deidara's stomach after nearly choking on oxygen lol. Honestly what killed me on liking Sora is that he had an entire temple taking care of him, and while some did loathe him because he accidentally destroyed the temple one time, he was an asshole to those that did care for him like Chiriku and Asuma. That's what killed it. He was so focused on avenging his father that he couldn't care about anyone until Naruto did his whole "Hey, we're the same!" song and dance.
Guest: Glad you're liking it!
Badr408: Not gonna say who I'm saving. :P But I will not be able to do that side story, it would give away the babies names and as I have stated on multiple occasions that Deidara knows nothing about Kawaki, so him getting depression on the name makes no sense.
Reclusive Dork: Not even close on the guessing hun. XD
Inferno-Sama35678902: I have no idea why his birthday is May 5th, ask Kishimoto. Glad you found the story! Also yeah, Naruto's son -who will NOT be named Boruto- would act like that around his sharingan wielding cousins. XD
MidnaMoo: HEY! Glad you're catching up hun, I was wondering where you disappeared to! :D Good to know the yaoi pairing didn't turn you away from this fic, I personally don't really see it as a yaoi… mentally. Deidara is physically male but mentally female, sooooo I don't really know what to call it. I just call it yaoi because of physical reasons.
cdog1019: I am a trivia nerd, so learning something new is bound to happen when you read my stuff, glad I could tell people about the changes. Also, why is Isobu offended? He's a turtle. I think I insulted Kokuo who is more dolphin like imo. ^^
happypanda2005: Yep.
Ringo1327: Nope, never watched either one so will not be writing them. I am going to be doing a two part chapter on the Road to Ninja movie though, as that is a movie I am extremely fond of.
Warning: Deaths, lots of blood, Hidan (aka swearing), violence, Deidara's mild concern for his flesh wounds, just the usual stuff to worry about. Oh and yaoi, gotta warn the kiddies that accidentally read the latest chapter before reading the whole fic. :3
Disclaimer: Owning Naruto… I do not. Tis a sad fact.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY LEFT?!" Currently at this given moment, I was screaming bloody murder in Tsunade's face. I was just informed by Ino that Asuma, Shikamaru, Izumo and Kotetsu were sent to the Fire Temple as it had been attacked. However, they seemed to have forgotten to bring anyone that knew about the Akatsuki first hand, aka me, Kisame or Itachi!
"Deidara… They are some of our most skilled shinobi, what could possibly go wro-" Tsunade's face turns sour when I fling my arms, sending paperwork flying.
My voice hits a new pitch that should have broken glass if I was a woman, "ASUMA DIES!" I spin around, my long hair smacking more paperwork off her desk like a cat o' nine tails as I run out of the office, much to Tsunade's annoyance.
Rushing through the village like Sonic on sugar, I worked quickly to collect Ino, Choji, Karin and Sakura. Before I even explain the situation at hand I threw them all on birds so we could head to our destination.
"Deidara-sensei, what's going on?!" Sakura was still dizzy from me suddenly grabbing her while she was mid training. She falls to her knees so the wind doesn't blow her off the bird.
"Asuma and the others are fighting two Akatsuki members, one of them is immortal and has a jutsu where anything that happens to him, happens to the other person. This guy sacrifices people! Do the math, un!" Everyone became stiff as a board at that. My heart pounded in my head as I developed tunnel vision, I knew where they were. Hell, I made SURE to know that location before shippuden even started.
'I will never forgive myself, Hagoromo, Kaguya, Obito… ANYONE… I will damn this world if Asuma dies!'
With Team Asuma
3rd person POV
"This is bad…" Izumo glares at Kakuzu as he blocks the three chunins from approaching Asuma and Hidan. Hidan had just activated his ritual jutsu and stabbed himself in the leg, causing Asuma to fall to the ground with a gaping hole through his own leg.
"Tell me about it, how did the captain get hurt when the guy stabbed his leg?" Kotetsu's brain was working a mile a minute, each time it reached a dead end it bounced back to the beginning, "It makes no sense…"
Hidan throws his head in pure maniacal laughter, "We shall both feel the ultimate pain together! What should I stab next? Hmm? An organ? Another limb?" Hidan twists his spear so the tip points at his heart, "Or should I end this all here, and save you the trouble of looking so fucking pathetic?"
Shikamaru feels a bead of sweat roll down his brow as he tried thinking of a strategy, 'Think… what is the connection with his jutsu…? Wait… that symbol and the blood!' His back straightened as the solution was laid out in front of him like one of his shogi games.
Asuma smirks seeing Shikamaru's eyes lit up, 'He figured it out.' He trusted his student to come up with a strategy to take down the enemy, but he hopes it's soon.
Changing his hand signs, Shikamaru captures Hidan in a shadow possession jutsu, slowly backing him out of the mark, "The two are connected by blood, as long as that Hidan guy remains in that symbol, any pain he feels Asuma feels." His comrades nod in understanding.
Izumo nods, seeing the connection, "What a scary jutsu… how can someone make a technique like that?"
Kotetsu frowns, "I heard it's from a cult that experimented on immortality… but I thought it failed… guess I was wrong." He crouches slightly, like a cat ready to pounce incase Kakuzu moved.
'Smart brat…' Kakuzu could practically see the bounty the kid will someday produce with a brain that big. Almost makes him want to keep the Nara alive to see the money rolling… almost. Konoha shinobi are revenge prone.
Hidan growls in annoyance, "When I get out of this jutsu, I'm going to tear you a new hole fucker!" Only to wince when Asuma threw a shuriken and sliced his ear, Shikamaru used his shadow stitching jutsu to keep Hidan still.
"Sorry Asuma-sensei, I can't hold this jutsu for much longer…" Shikamaru's face becomes covered in sweat as the jutsu drained his chakra. Overhead he swore he could hear the sounds of birds flying in their direction. That didn't make sense though, birds usually fly away from battles.
"It's fine Shikamaru… I'll end this now…" Pushing himself to his feet and slowly dragging himself to Hidan, activating his chakra blades. Hidan panics, yelling for Kakuzu to help him out, but Asuma cleanly slices off Hidan's head. The world went in slow motion as the head flew to the side, bounced on the ground, then land with a soft thud.
"You should have asked for my help sooner, Hidan…" Everyone was mildly disturbed by how chill Kakuzu could scold his yelling partn- wait, yelling?!
"WELL FUCK YOU TOO, KAKUZU! I wouldn't be in this fucking mess if you had moved your old ass!" If it wasn't for the fact that Hidan looks like an inkwell threw up on him, he would be red from the screaming.
"I don't think you're in any position to yell at me if you want my help." Kakuzu blankly stared at Hidan, as the immortal slowly became humble. Pleased with the change in attitude, he proceed to pick his partner's head up by his hair.
"No Kakuzu! Bring my body to me! This hurts!"
"Your head is lighter. Shouldn't your neck wound be hurting more?"
"Of course it fucking hurts! You don't understand how much it hurts to have your fucking head cut off!"
Everyone was frozen on the spot as Kakuzu sew his partner's head back on, and then proceed to scold Hidan for cracking his neck, "If you move too much they'll come right off." But Hidan didn't pay this any mind, "You keep fighting the Cash Cow. I got the other three."
Kotetsu crouches and proceeds to run with his giant weapon, "We won't let you get the captain!" Izumo and Kotetsu try to get to Asuma, but Kakuzu extended the threads inside his body to grab the two by the throat.
Asuma tries to slice at Hidan, but froze as an unmeasurable burning sensation erupted in his lower gut as the sound of flesh and bone being cut came from Hidan. Looking up at the immortal man, time stood still as it processes to everyone that he had stabbed himself with his scythe… standing on the symbol of Jashin.
Shikamaru pushed himself to his feet while Hidan laughed with glee, "It's over!" Raising his spear and lunged his arm towards himself, aiming for his spine. Shikamaru could only say one thing as he rushed desperately towards his mentor
"ASUMA!"
Deidara's POV
'Please make it in time, please please please please.' Was my only thought as I had the birds fly faster and faster to where the fight was taken place. Everyone at some point had to bury their hands and feet into the clay bodies to keep themselves from flying off, 'Sorry guys, there isn't any time to waste! If we're too slow-'
"ASUMA!"
Thinking time over. Without hesitation, upon seeing everyone I leap off my bird and skillfully land on Hidan like Batman after too many cups of margaritas. Needless to say dramatics and graceful entries fly out the door the moment maternal instincts kick in.
To put things in a better perspective: I nosedived off my bird and landed on top of Hidan, stopping him from stabbing himself and instead got myself stabbed in the shoulder. Not fun, but Asuma is alive.
"What the flying fuck?! Where the fuck did you come from you shit?!" Hidan squirms under my dead weight as my shoulder began to feel as though it was on fire. Before my brain could react to the pain and start freaking out, I start kicking at the Jashin symbol to remove parts of it, causing Hidan's skin to turn to normal.
"The sky you dumbfuck, is your head empty from loss of blood or something, un?" I spit a glob of blood onto his face, pleased at the pissed expression I was getting.
Another pain I'm feeling is in my stomach, as I had landed on Hidan and he had his scythe embedded inside his gut. Thankfully he was on his back so the most I'm gonna have is some really dark bruising, "If it wasn't for the scythe in your gut I'd say you're pretty cozy. But as it stands you're as comfy as laying on a log… actually nevermind, a log is more comfy, un."
While I was preoccupying the Jashinist, Choji quickly used his expansion jutsu to make Kakuzu release Izumo and Kotetsu. All three girls rushed to Asuma's side, using medical ninjutsu on his vitals to keep him alive. Thankfully everyone was working fast.
Sakura took charge, barking orders on what to heal, "Ino, focus on Asuma-san's leg and burns! Karin, help me with his stomach!" Ino was not the best at medal ninjutsu, but she could easily stop the bleeding while Karin could help Asuma with her massive chakra reserve and control.
Suddenly, before Hidan could could fling more curses -and spit- in my face, his eyes bug out and then groan, "Come on leader. Give us a few more minutes." All the guys paused in interest as Hidan and Kakuzu seemed focus on someone that was not actually there.
Oh! Pein's talking to them! I wanna play telephone too, "Hi Pein!" Hidan was now trying to squirm away again as I was now screaming in his ear, "I'll be seeing you soon, carrot top!" Turns out the more blood I lose… the more I sound like fanfiction Tobi… fun! At least I'm not talking in 3rd person, "Tell Konan I said hi please, un!"
3rd person POV
If Pein had emotions, his head would have reeled back at the loud voice that was definitely not Hidan, 'So… Deidara also knows about the connection. Makes sense… after all, he is Itachi's husband.'
Nagato had Pein turn to Konan to blankly state, "Deidara says hi." All the while keeping the connection with Hidan and Kakuzu, the duo have been getting on the leader's nerves lately -mostly Hidan's fault- and thought humoring the blond would suffice as punishment.
Konan tilts her head, keeping her expression composed and equally blank, "Thank you for relaying the message, Pein. Please return my regards." She nods her head in thanks before resuming her task of preparing Nagato's medicine.
Deidara's POV
"Gah! Stop fucking screaming in my ear you damn whore! What the fuck?! Leader, why are you listening to him, and why is Konan saying 'hi'?!"
I couldn't erase the giddy grin plastered on my face, 'Thanks Pein, I'll see you during the invasion arc if it happens!' I decided not to say that last bit out loud.
Hidan was only relieved of my body weight when Kakuzu promptly kicked me off, sending me flying and the spear still lodged in my shoulder. I'm already in pain, so this was a dull throb compared to the burning sensation of being stabbed.
"We'll be back for the bounty..." The zombie duo left without looking back, well… Hidan did, but before he could swear more, Kakuzu yanked him away.
Kotetsu runs to my side and gripped the spear, "I'm going to pull it out, Izumo, hold him still please." I feel Izumo grab my uninjured shoulder. Needless to say, I panicked.
"Hey hey hey! Let's not yank the metal pole out of my should-" My voice was lost in a rather animalistic yell escaping my throat as Kotetsu ripped out the spear like it a parent does a bandaid… or their child's first tooth. Based on the blood, it had went through my shoulder and sticked out a good 4 inches on the other side.
Pleased with themselves and after I was done sounding like a banshee that stubbed her toe, the two brought me to where a heavily bleeding Asuma is being healed by the girls. But Sakura and Ino were breathing heavily, obviously running out of chakra and Asuma was still not in stable condition.
Karin looked between Sakura and Ino, before stopping her medical ninjutsu and rolling up her sleeves, "Use my chakra guys." She shoves her arms into each girls' mouth. At first, neither of them wanted to bite her, but Asuma teetering between life and death made them accept the offer, "We'll heal you when we get Asuma-sensei stable, Deidara-san."
I shake my head, not minding Karin using her abilities willingly, "Nah, it's just a flesh wound. I'll be okay, un." I wave the hand connected to my uninjured shoulder, thankfully the spear missed my heart. I was using chakra to numb the pain.
"I can see Asuma perfectly through you, Deidara." Izumo was bent sideways to look through the noticeably sized hole in my shoulder. Lovely, I'm going to need a new coat too.
"He's right. It's kinda freaky... all the muscle is pushed to the side and is almost perfectly round." In a moment of idiocy, Kotetsu decided to try and jab his finger into the hole as if that was to prove his point. Can we not poke at my injuries here? This isn't pre-school where kids are shoving crayons up their noses!
I smack the hand away, "I'll live, focus on Asuma." I sit down next to Shikamaru, who was mixture of near panic attack from Asuma being injured, and the fact that there is a pool of blood slowly forming on my lap. I have a high pain tolerance despite never having my arms ripped off, though I do admit to the fact that I'm definitely gonna need a blood transfusion after this.
"Deidara… thank you…" Asuma weakly opens his eyes and looks over at us smiling, "I think… I would be dead… had you not show up…"
I chose not to comment, not with a genius like Shikamaru sitting next to me. But once the girls were able to get Asuma in a stable condition, I wasted no time in creating a chocobo and having them put him on it.
"Deidara-sensei, you lost a lot of blood… will you be okay riding?" Sakura was staring at my shoulder, everyone was staring at my damn shoulder!
"Yes, come on, put the guy on the bird while I'm still pumped full of adrenaline, un!" Asuma was promptly laid on the bird like a sack of flour and I hopped on, "Please get rid of all blood in the area! The birds will fly you back, see you in Konoha!" I then had the bird run at max speed.
There was no time to worry about myself, I need to get Asuma to Tsunade. But I also I need to make sure I'm stable enough to fight. I need to make sure that in 3 days I can confidently approach Hidan and Kakuzu alone. I need to make sure they were dead for good.
The arrival to Konoha was a literal bloody mess. I was bleeding, Asuma was bleeding, we were both getting blood on Itachi and Kimimaro and the nurses and- okay seriously you guys can stop putting your finger in my shoulder?! I am aware that it is a clean cut through muscle and bone and that I look like I'm trying to cosplay as swiss cheese!
Tsunade had a small team of medical shinobi help her with Asuma's wounds while I had several of my own repairing the muscle work. I was so dizzy from the blood loss that I wasn't able to answer questions. It felt like I was underwater and I could not understand what my husband and younger brother were saying to me. I think they were scolding me.
The world became spinny as a vortex of darkness clouded my vision.
3 days later
Asuma was paralyzed from the waist down.
Turns out Hidan severed the lower half of Asuma's spine, the thickness of the scythe separated it to where surgery, even by Tsunade had a high chance of killing him. The best she could do was stabilized and rearrange his nerves and veins to function normally.
I received heavy scolding from Itachi and my brothers, but I also received a tight hug from Kurenai. The poor girl was in tears seeing Asuma alive, and even more so when she learned that he nearly died.
The medics were able to close my wound. As a result of my stupidity though, I got a scar on my right shoulder… it's always the right side. Always. First the curse mark and now this. Frankly, I have no reason to complain, Asuma lost his ability to walk.
"Nii-sama, stay in bed. You finished your task and now you need to make sure you're wounds stay closed." Was the advice I had received from Kimimaro not long after he finished scolding me. He is right, I finished my main objective...
NOT! I have plenty of unfinished business to attend to. Which is why I'm standing before Hidan and Kakuzu with my arms crossed and chewing on clay like bubble gum. It's not as tasty as gum mind you.
Hidan pulls out his scythe, grinning insanely, "Leader said that it's okay to kill you if you got in our way. I hope you're ready to face Jashin you little bitch."
If clay had the consistency of bubble gum, I would be blowing a nice big bubble at this point, "I heard he's fun at parties, un. But no… it's you who will meet your fictional God." I skillfully bend my body backwards to avoid Hidan's swings. I was keeping my cool, almost toying with the man.
"Please, I wish someone would fucking kill me!*" Allowing his scythe to fly around and defy all forms of physics, I dodge the stupid thing while spitting out my clay. That request can be arranged!
I didn't need to make anything fancy, so I made a simple ball and allowed it to dissolve into the air. Apparently the Akatsuki neglected to tell these two about my C4.
Hidan laughs mockingly, "What's the matter Deidara-chan? Your clay can't handle fucking air or something?" I hate that laugh… I really do… so I made him stop.
By watching his hand dissolve into nothing.
"The fuck?!"
Noticing, Kakuzu spring into action seeing Hidan's hand turn into nothingness. I quickly have the four hearts on his back dissolve as well, causing the ancient man to fall to the ground in agony. I forgot what his hearts were, but I wasn't going to take any changes with lightning jutsus.
Just for my own amusement and mixed paranoia, I summoned Hashirama. I don't know why I summoned him and not Madara… maybe I just wanted to rub it in Kakuzu's face?
The Shodai Hokage looks at me in confusion after his coffin opened, only to watch in horror as my C4 slowly dissolved Hidan from existence as he cursed my life, "Deidara! What are you doing?! This is wrong!" Of course his morals got the best of him, he doesn't know any better.
With a deadpanned lecture voice, "Hidan is an immortal that sacrifices others for his God. And Kakuzu…" I jab my thumb at the other man who was staring at Hashirama and me in rage, "Well… He's the same one that tried to assassinate you, un."
"The Takigakure shinobi? He's still alive?" Hashirama gawked at the man, "Amazing… Deidara, why did you summon me?" He looks down at me, the dramatic head tilt reminded me that this guy even towers Madara. Damn Senju… hm… doesn't roll like "damn Uchiha."
"To show you how I treat my enemies. This is what happened to Shimura Danzo… and now the same treatment is happening for these two… to keep Sarutobi Asuma alive, un." I stare down at Hidan without a care as he cursed me to hell, only looking away when he was no more. C4 destroys at the molecular level, he's truly dead.
Kakuzu pushed himself up, "To think… I would be killed by some brat, and the same way as that idiot Hidan." Hashirama watched the exchange sadly, probably aware that this man was stuck with this choice because of his village.
In reality, Kakuzu and Hidan were just monsters. The only people that never redeem themselves.
"I'll make it quick for you… Only because I need to respect my elders more, un." I have the jutsu stop Kakuzu's heart and then destroy his body. Asuma is alive, I see no reason in letting others cut open Kakuzu's body like a frog in biology.
Hashirama still had that sad look in his eyes, "So… things… really have not changed after all these years…"
I shake my head, "In all seriousness, you and Tobirama just opened a pathway to make killing more complex and organized. I simply took my kekkei genkai and turned it up a notch…" I pick up Kakuzu's heavy briefcase that he still had with him, along with a few other things that remained untouched by the C4.
Hashirama bows his head with an emo cloud, "I'm sorry that I'm a failure…" Okay, why do people compare me to this guy? I'm way more cheerful than him.
I smack his head, "You're the adult here! Stand tall and proud! Without you and Madara working together, children would still be slaughtering each other the moment they could hold a kunai, un." Hashirama still looked like a kicked puppy as he massaged his cracked forehead, causing me to sigh, "Look, things could be a lot worse than what they are. You can't rid a world of all the whack-jobs by yourself, I'm keeping you around for one specific reason, un."
Before Hashirama could inquire what I mean, my entire body froze hearing a familiar voice. It wasn't out if fear… but pure… uncontrollable hatred, one that would put any Uchiha to shame.
"My, you really are a skilled shinobi, Deidara!" I don't even need to turn around to identify that voice, Hashirama was staring at Zetsu in interest and mild protectiveness as I wasn't moving. Well, if shaking and a progressively redded face didn't count as moving.
I saw red, 'Kill… kill… kill… end him- no I need Kaguya to appear so I can end her as well.' Kami forbid if I leave the juubi and Kaguya unattended after all of the children are born. I snap my thoughts back to being logical, killing Zetsu would be dangerous at this time with the Akatsuki only missing a few bijuu.
"What's the matter? Why don't you turn around and look at us. It's the polite thing to do you brat." Zetsu wisely keeps his distance, considering I have Hashirama with me. Said Hokage turns me around so I could look at the walking plantman.
"You better get the hell out of here before I turn you into mulch you walking plothole. Or better yet, how about I send you to the moon so you can hide in the kimono of mommy-dearest like the coward you are, un?" I felt a little bit of confidence return to me as Zetsu's calm composure breaks for that second.
Black Zetsu released a low growl while white Zetsu was acting calm, "I'll make sure mother kills you first… You talk big for a little girl… but you'll regret those words in the end…" Excuse me, I am not a little girl! I am an adult! Wait… he knows.
I feel the blood drain from my face as I back away, bumping into Hashirama in the process, "How do you… nevermind, you're one of the best spies in the anime. If you didn't learn by this point I would be sorely disappointed in your character, un." I rub the bridge of my nose to remind myself of that little fact.
White Zetsu pouts, "Aw… why are we referred to as characters and not real people? Is it so you won't feel guilt by wanting us dead?" I really hate that smug tone in his voice, I really do.
I have C1s be made into my hand, "So what if that is the case? All shinobi need to have a coping mechanism, un." I throw them at the man to explode, but when the smoke cleared, he was gone.
"What was that all about Dei- Deidara?!" He had to quickly catch me as my legs gave out, "What the?! Hey! What's wrong?!" Worry rang out of his voice like a church bell as he shook me, thinking I was going to faint.
"Stress… I'll be okay. I just need a minute… Zetsu and Obito are not good for my mind, un…" I remained in the feedle position for a few minutes as Hashirama rubbed circles on my back. It feels weird not wearing my coat when outside, I feel exposed and vulnerable.
Slowly standing up, I place a hand on Hashirama to steady myself as blood escaped my head. We say our goodbyes after recollecting my stuff and I unsummon Hashirama to head home.
My first stop was my house, and frankly Itachi's expression seeing what I brought home amused me greatly.
"Dei… Why did you bring home Hidan's scythe and Jashin pendant?" He eyes the two items cautiously as I seal them both in a scroll and lock them away in a safe. Yes, he is fully aware that I left to kill Hidan and Kakuzu, I just left out the teeny-tiny factor that I would be bringing home souvenirs.
"Trophies." Was my simple one-word answer. There was no other reason for keeping them, but just as reminders of the changes I had made.
Itachi sighs, slowly shaking his head before wrapping his arms around my stomach, kissing my head, "Your list is shrinking… what will you do when it's blank?" He rests his chin on my head as we enjoyed a rare moment of just being able to hug each other.
I take one of his hands and kiss his knuckles tenderly, "Be a good parent for our children… a blank list means less fear, un." I nuzzle his jawline with my head like an affectionate kitten, "I'll be home later. I have some things left to do."
Itachi releases me so I could plant a kiss on his lips. Grabbing the briefcase, I head out to Asuma and Kurenai's apartment. Knocking on the door I was greeted by the tired kunoichi of the house.
"Deidara?" Kurenai looks at me in confusion as she allowed me inside. I politely bow to the pregnant woman and remove my shoes. When she offered me tea I decline as I didn't want to make this trip longer than needed.
Walking to the main living space, my chest swells seeing Asuma wheelchair bound. He had stopped smoking for Kurenai's sake, but I could tell he wished he could go back on it. At the same time… I could tell he was just happy to be alive.
"Asuma-san…" I take a seat across from him, placing Kakuzu's briefcase by my feet. Kurenai sits next to Asuma, her stomach starting to become more round.
"Deidara! It's great that you came to visit." The man gave me a wide grin, not once did it seem fake or forced, he was genuine in all of his gestures.
I chuckle, "Glad to see that you are okay… I came here with a specific reason." I hold out the briefcase to Asuma, which he takes and opens. The couple pales seeing all of the ryo, "I killed Hidan and Kakuzu just hours ago. That money is Chiriku's bounty, un."
Asuma stares at me in shock, "Deidara… why did you bring… no. We cannot accept this." He quickly figured out why I brought it over and tried to return the briefcase to me, but I stop him in his track.
"Asuma-san, listen to me. You're unable to walk and Kurenai is pregnant, neither of you can work at this given moment and with a baby on the way… please understand that I'm not trying to hurt your pride or dishonor you by giving charity. This money was collected by using a good friend of yours and I have no right to keep this. Use it to brighten your daughter's future, un."
Kurenai bites her lower lip, "You are also expecting children…" I am not going to let them use my own cards against me.
I wave her off, "Itachi and I are not going to retire for a very long time, we're fine, un." I stand and bow to them, "What you decide to do with the money is up to you. But please keep the new life waiting to be born in mind, un." Slipping on my shoes, I leave the apartment to let the couple think.
3rd person POV
Asuma sets the briefcase down for a moment to think to himself, "Kurenai… you're having a girl?"
The red-eyed woman looks at Asuma confused, "I don't know, I haven't gone in for that ultrasound yet… Anko and I were going to the procedure on the same day." Now they were both lost.
'How did Deidara know the gender of the baby?'
In the distance they could hear the young ANBU sneeze.
Deidara's POV
The moment I had released that sneeze, Kimimaro was at my side offering a handkerchief, "Nii-sama, if you are ill you should be in bed and rest… Your stress is not good for your health."
I chuckle at his serious expression, "Kimi, I'm okay, I'm just going to see how Naruto's training is going. Do you want to join me?" My brother pauses before nodding with vigor at the idea of visiting his otouto, "Alright, come on, un." I motion him to follow me as we head into the training ground where we were greeted with an interesting surprise.
"RASENSHURIKEN!" Naruto's new jutsu spun wildly in his hand, looking absolute badass in his own way as he charged towards one of Yamato's pillars to see what kind of damage he can do… time to ruin his ego.
"NARUTO, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" I bit back a smirk when Naruto loses his chakra control, both him and his clones fly in different directions from the gust of wind. In reality I was also nervous about Naruto hurting his arm.
"Deidara-nii! I had just gotten that jutsu to work, dattebayo!" Naruto's face twisted into a pout as Kimimaro went to help him up, "Thanks, Kimi-nii."
I place my hands on my hips as Kimimaro dusted Naruto off, "The jutsu is called 'rasenshuriken' yet you are treating it like a normal rasengan. Why not throw it, un?"
Kimimaro nods in agreement, "I agree with Nii-sama, otouto. You need to be able to attack from a distance." He ruffles Naruto's hair once he was satisfied that Naruto's pants were dirt free.
Naruto flails his arms as he explains his side of the argument, "But it's hard enough to use the jutsu in the first place, throwing it would be even harder, dattebayo!" Even Kakashi and Yamato were considering the fact that Naruto is too close ranged for his personality.
"No… Deidara is right, we can't treat this like a normal jutsu. Was there any side effects you could sense in it?" Kakashi motions to me as he asked that question, "You usually don't interfere with your brother's training unless something's wrong." In reality, I could tell he wanted to know my knowledge of the jutsu.
Always quick on your feet Kakashi, "It would have damaged the chakra nerves in Naruto's arm. Continuous use would render it unusable, un." I fold my arms then close my eye as I nod to myself, "You need to throw it in order for the jutsu to work."
Yamato tenses up, "He would lose his arm?" Him and Kakashi exchange nervous glances, "Neither of us are long range fighters, how is he going to learn to control his chakra that way?"
I open my eye with a smirk, "I know someone."
A few minutes later
"So not only does the loser risk losing his arm because he's terrible at learning jutsu," Sasuke blankly ignores Naruto's yelling, "but I need to teach him how to throw chakra?"
I nod brightly, "Yep! Because you are able to throw chakra with your chidori senbon, and also you are closeby I thought you would be perfect to teach him. Your sharingan can watch his movements and correct him as well. Think you're up for the challenge, Duck-kun?" Everyone was sweat dropping at how Sasuke and I could talk about this like a parent asks a teacher for extra lessons.
Sasuke stalks over to Naruto and leans to the blond's height, much to the latter's annoyance, "I'll see what I can do... But it will cost you a summoning technique. Jiraiya wasn't able to give me one-" His head jerked to the side when I threw a scroll at his head with a thunk.
"Payment in advance, un!" Sasuke looks at the scroll in interest.
"Snakes?" His brow furrows in interest, "Orochimaru's summoning?"
I nod, "Close. You won't summon snakes that are loyal to Orochimaru, it summons the more poisonous clans that keep to themselves like the cobra clan and spiny bush vipers*, only some are as big as Manda. You'll need to prove your strength to these ones so I'll send for antidotes beforehand, un." I already requested Sasori to make some in advance just incase.
Okay, now everyone is looking at me weirdly. Kakashi was the one to drop the question, "How did you get the summoning scroll for the specific clans?"
I fold my hands behind my back, rocking on my heels, "I maaaayyyy have done some hunting while I was away with Anko. I was gonna give Duck-kun the duck summoning, but they're extremely slow and waddlely for his fighting style and weasels are… temperamental. Okay! Time to train!" I smack Kakashi on the back, making the poor guy faceplant and lose any oxygen in his lungs.
Sasuke pockets the scroll then smirks at Naruto, "Don't expect me to go easy in you, dobe."
"Wouldn't have it either way, teme!" The two run off to train… I guess in secret?
Kimimaro looks at me and sighs, "Nii-sama, can you teach me your negotiation skills? I have to speak the clan elders of the Hyuuga clan soon to make sure I won't harm the main family." Seriously guys? He's lived in this village since he was 10 and those old farts still don't trust him?
I sigh and hook my arm with his, "I'll go with you. I'm not gonna let my baby deal with a bunch of decrepit old farts alone, un." Walking away with Kimimaro, we left the two jounins alone in their confusion.
Yamato looks at Kakashi, "Deidara… does realize that his 'baby' is taller than him… right? Right? Senpai?"
Kakashi looks up from his book that he somehow pulled out after standing up, "Did you say something Yamato?" Only to chuckle nervously when Yamato gives him the doom stare.
"That's not funny Kakashi-senpai."
The immortal duo is now dead and Asuma lives to see his baby girl be born! Yay! I like Hidan, but there was no reason for either of the duo to live in this story. Sorry to all of the Hidan and Kakuzu fans!
*Hidan says this in every form of media when drawing his Jashin symbol against Asuma, I don't know if it's him being cocky or Hidan legit wants someone to kill him, but it's there. I'd like to think even he questions Jashin's powers and wants to face someone that could rival his deity. But that's just my headcanon on the subject.
*I wanted to give Sasuke venomous snakes as that seems to be his type of snake I could picture him using. If you are wondering why spiny bush vipers specifically… well… google them. They are beautiful snakes and if Sasuke would summon giant brightly colored ones it would suit his artistic personality.
I wanted to address something right now because I keep getting reviews on this topic and I want to try to put a stop to it. I hate repeating myself a bunch of times and I don't want to accidentally take my anger out on someone. Because of all of the changes in the series so far by Deidara and with the fact that Hagoromo messed with the timeline, the Boruto series will NOT happen AT ALL. Otsutsuki clan shows up? C4, bye bye, Deidara will not deal with that crap anymore than he has to. Kawaki? Little bitch won't even be able to breath on Naruto before Deidara rips the guy apart, that I can assure you. A good chunk of the Boruto cast will not even be born because of the pairings changing and Deidara being an influence, not to mention all of the other kids that will also be born as a result.
Please stop asking things related to the Boruto arc unless you are wondering if certain kids will be born still. As I have stated on multiple occasions, Deidara knows almost nothing about the series nor does he care. He doesn't know about the Otsutsuki, Kawaki, Shin Uchiha, Boruto getting some special eye or anything else of that matter. Asking for references or how he will handle fights will end up with either a "Can't make that reference because Deidara would not understand it" Or a "He'll just use C4 and get it over with". I will not update his knowledge just to add in Boruto references (not to mention that forces me to actually watch the series).
I'm sorry for the rant but I REALLY needed to get that off my chest. I don't know how I'm going to end this story in specifics, but I know for a fact that I will not be writing the Boruto series. I'd like to get to my next fanfic before my summer vacation starts.
Special announcement time!: I am taking a 2-3 week break from updates due to the amount of work my college is dropping on me and finals are around the corner. If you have questions that you really want me to answer please PM me and I will respond very quickly, unless I'm asleep. The next chapter is already being worked on, I just want to be able to focus on my schoolwork at this moment.
As always, reviews are loved and I will see you guys after my finals are complete!
Bye!
