JASPER
Alice and I laid in each other's embrace on the couch for a long time. Neither of us said anything. We were to lost in out own thoughts of Edward and everything that happened. I was still feeling extremely guilty about putting Bella's needs before Alice's.
Yes, Bella had lost a mate and no one left to go to. Or at least nobody else who could know the truth about what happened this afternoon. But Alice she had lost a brother and essentially the only vampire who could truly understand her gift. After Carlisle, she was the one in the family who was closest to him, who wasn't his mate, and they understood each other better than most because of her gift. I assumed this was harder on her than she was letting on.
Yet, I was taking care of Bella and leaving my mate out in the could without any comfort at all. It wasn't even something I intended to do. I just say Bella alone, helpless and in pain and I knew I had to help her. I couldn't believe that I had forgotten about Alice in the process.
I knew that Alice would have killed me if I left Bella alone to deal with it. However, the guilt was hard to deal with. Especially when I was feeling all of her sadness coming in painful waves. The horrible part was that, though my gift told me that she was sad, the years we'd spent in love with each other, told me that it was something more than just grief over Edward. There was something more.
"Babe, are you okay?" I asked unable to take it anymore.
"As good as I can be under the circumstances, why?" she replied pulling away from me.
"Just because, I feel you sadness and sense there might be more to it than just what happened to Edward." I answered.
"I'm just worried about Bella." she replied. "That's all."
I could tell by the sound of her voice that it was only part of the truth. However, I knew Alice well enough to know that if she wasn't telling me everything then she had good reason. Especially with her visions. If she saw things good things that concerned the family, she didn't like to ruin it and tried to keep them to herself. I couldn't figure out what she'd be hiding that would make her so upset. I decided to humor her though and just go with the Bella excuse.
"She'll be alright." I replied. "We're still here. We'll make sure she's taken care of."
"I know." she replied still looking worried. I could tell by the way she was acting that this was a legitimate concern and, though, it wasn't the full reason behind her sadness, it still worried her to a very scary level. "I mean, look what Edward did when Rose told him that Bella was dead. Now that he's gone, what's stopping her from doing the same thing he did. Especially if she blames herself for the whole thing, which you know she will. And what if we can't stop it this time?"
I could see the fear in her eyes. She already lost a brother and know she had to worry about losing a sister and best friend as well. We reallt had no real way of knowing for sure what was going to become of Bella and I didn't want to lie to her. However, I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth. She was in too much pain already. So I grabbed her face in between my hands and made her look at me.
"Listen to me, this is a completely different situation than last time." I said. "Last time, you were the only one who really knew what was going on but the entire family knows everything this time. Last time, we didn't even know where Edward was and had know way of contacting him with the truth. This time, we're all here with Bella and we can protect her from herself. I promise that we will not let her do that. We love her too much to lose her too. She's family and we do what we have to to protect our family. Even if it means someone hating another for a little while. We do what's best for them and that's all there is to it. We won't let her hurt herself. I swear."
She nodded and I kissed her nose. The feelings of fear, worry, and sadness never left her, though. I pulled her back to my chest and ran my fingers through her short spiky hair. We laid there for a little longer before we heard gentle, quiet footsteps approach the door and someone knocked.
"Come in!" I stated and Alice and I both sat up to see the door open and Rosalie enter the room.
"Hey." I said. "What's up?"
"Carlisle just wanted me to tell the two of you that he spoke with Sam. We're going to meet the pack at noon tomorrow to discuss what happened and the mutt's punishment if he should ever come back to Forks." she answered.
"Okay." I replied. I could feel her anger and sadness coming off of her in waves. It was slightly overwhelming. However, underneath the stronger emotions, I felt a longing to be alone with Emmett. Guilt poured through me, once again, as I realized that I had put Bella's comfort before anyone else's. I wanted her taken care of but it was taking away from my other family members being taken care of. "Thanks for letting us know."
"No problem." she replied sadly and headed out of the room.
"I think that we should go relieve Emmett from Bella watch." I said the minute Rosalie left the room. "Rosalie really needs to be alone with him, right now. "You know, to deal with everything."
"Right." she said and I could hear and feel a little sadness and jealousy emenating off of her.
I supposed I couldn't really blame her. I'd be upset too if the roles were reversed. However, I couldn't just not go to Bella. I knew she understood that but I also knew how hard this was on her. Which is why I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to me before she could stand up.
"You know I love you right?" I asked with sincerity.
"Of course, why would you even ask that?" she replied.
"I don't know." I stated. "I'm guess I just feel so horrible about taking car of Bella. I mean, I know it's something that you want me to do but I feel that you're losing out when you need me most. It's just that Bella's emotions aren't really in her control right now, and I'm the only one...."
She place a finger gently over my lips.
"Jazz, stop. I understand. Bella needs your help and I want you to help her. I want her to be okay and if you helping makes her okay than keep doing it. Besides, I'm a big girl and a vampire, I can handle myself. Bella can't. She needs you to help her. I promise, I'm fine. Now let's go." she stated and pulled me off the couch by the wrist before I could reply.
She practically dragged me down the hall and back to our room. I followed her in silence, though, I still had the feeling that I was missing something important.
Bella was still asleep when we entered the room. She looked calm enough, although, I could see tears running down her cheeks and heard her muttering different things. I felt so many emotions radiating off her that I was surprised she was sleeping so calmly. Emmet was next to her on the bed looking scared, sad, and confused. It that moment he really looked like a big brother at a loss for how to help his baby sister.
"Hey." I said when we walked in.
"Hey." he replied with a sad smile.
"How is she?" Alice asked.
"Well, she's still asleep." Emmett replied sadly. "She's dreaming about it again, I think. But it wasn't like before and she isn't in any danger of hurting herself, like before, so I didn't want to wake her."
"Right." I replied. "Well, we came down to relieve you. Rose came to see us and she really needs some alone time with you. I think she's playing the whole I'm Rosalie Hale and I don't show anyone how vulnerable I am game. She really needs you right now."
"Right." Emmett replied again and stood up. "Do you think she's going to be alright?" He cast a worried glance at Bella as he crossed the room.
"I hope so." I sighed.
Emmett placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze then he embraced Alice. The stood in each others embrace for several silent moments.
"Esme wants you to let her know when she wakes up." he said when they pulled apart. "So she can make her something to eat."
"Okay." I replied. "We'll makes sure she knows. You just go take care of your wife. She needs you."
Emmett nodded and left the room. Alice and I went over to Bella and laid down on either side of her. She still had tears sliding down her cheeks from her closed eyes.
"No, Jake. Please, don't." she muttered. "Edward, sorry. My fault. Forgive me."
Guilt was rolling off of her in waves as I watched her crying and dreaming. I couldn't believe that she blamed herself for this. The thought made me angrier than I'd been in a long time. It was nobody's fault but that idiot mutt who couldn't control his emotions. I wanted nothing more than to rip his throat out with my bare hands.
"Bella, baby, it's okay." I whispered. "This isn't your fault. Nobody blames you."
I stroked her hair and continued with a string of comforting words, trying my best to reassure her. In that moment, I promised myself that, regardless of what Carlisle and Sam decided the next afternoon, I would personally kill the mutt in the most painful way possible if he ever dared show his face in Forks again. It was less than he deserved for killing my brother and destroying the beautiful and inoccent girl laying beside me, but it was the best I could do for revenge.
Alice and I sat beside Bella for hours as she slept and cried. We did the best we could to comfort her but it didn't work as well as we wanted it to. It wasn't until around eight o'clock the next morning that she started to wake up. Even as she was waking up, I could feel her unwillingness to do so.
She fought it so hard that it took her a good hour or so to wake all the way up. Still, even when I could sense that she was all the wake, she refused to open her eyes. I could feel the hope that if she didn't come back to reality, it wouldn't be true. I knew that was the wrong thing for her to think and it wouldn't help her to keep pretending. She had to face it. It was the only way she could possibly get through this.
"Hey Alice, can you go let Esme know that Bella's awake. So she can get started on the food." I said.
Alice shot me a confused and slightly hurt look before nodding and heading out the door. I knew I had just hurt her feelings a little by making her leave. However, I had to get Bella to open her eyes and face what happen. That would involve me getting a little close to Bella and that might hurt Alice's feelings a little more than kicking her out.
When Alice shut the door, I slowly and carefully placed one hand on Bella's chest sending waves of peace and calm flowing to the root of the problem, her heart. I then placed the other on her hand sending more waves into her mind as well. Finally, I leaned down by her ear and whispered,
"I know this is going to be hard but you have to open your eyes. The only way you're going to get through this is if you face it. The family and I will be here to help you. You won't have to do it alone. Trying to pretend that it didn't happen isn't going to help."
I kept whispering as I felt her hope that it was all a dream and fear of what she'd find when she woke up turn to anger. Less than a minute later, her eyes fluttered open. There was still the hurt and sadness in them but anger was the fore front emotion. She stared at me for a long time and I thought she was going to start yelling. Instead, she sat up as I pulled back and stared blankly out the window.
Tear fell down her cheeks but she did nothing to wipe them away. The anger and hate was still radiating off of her andI wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and tell her it was all going to be okay. Unfortunately, I knew that was probably the worst idea at the moment. Instead, I sat there and watched her as she stared out the window. Though anger was the forefront emotion, I could feel so many others swirling inside of her, pain, sadness, longing, and anxiety were just a few of the most prodominant ones.
When Alice came back to the room, fifteen minutes later, Bella still hadn't said a word but I could still feel the anger swirling inside of her. It was the darkest, most terrifying look into Bella's emotions that I've ever seen. I didn't like it one bit and I need to do something to make it go away. Alice carried in a tray laden with waffles, pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, milk and juice.
"Esme wasn't sure what you would want to eat, so she made you a little bit of everything." Alice said as she laid the try next to Bella.
Bella glanced at it out of the corner of her eye then turned back to the window.
"Tell Esme thank you but I'm not hungry." Bella stated.
"Bella," Alice coaxed. "You have to eat something."
I could hear and feel the worry coming off of Alice.
"I don't HAVE to do anything, Alice!" Bella yelled. I could tell her anger was starting to peak.
"You don't wanna sick, do you?" Alice pleaded.
"Maybe I do!" Bella replied.
"You don't mean that." Alice said with a small sob.
I could feel the hurt and fear radiating off of Alice as she moved toward Bella.
"Don't tell me what I mean!" Bella yelled back. "Edward's gone and there's nothing left but to sick and die! He's the only thing in this world that was worth living for and he's gone!"
"You know that's not true!" Alice said.
I could feel how badly, Bella's anger was hurting her. I knew that she understood why Bella was saying those things. It was all part of the grieving process but it didn't make it hurt any less. I reached out my hand to Bella's shoulder in an attempt to calm her. She pulled away and got off the bed.
"I don't need you to try to calm me down either Jasper!" Bella yelled. "I don't want to be calm! I want to be angry and left alone! So just get out noth of you!"
Tears were falling down her cheeks as anger beyond anything Bella ever felt in her life pulsed through her and to me. She looked ready to attack, to kill even. I knew that she wouldn't have been able to hurt either of us but the emotions scared me so much that I reached out for Alice's wrist.
"Bella, please, just let us help." Alice pleaded.
"I don't want or need your help! Just leave me alone!" Bella replied through gritted teeth.
I held tight to Alice's wrist and pulled her back.
"Come on." I whispered. "She'll come to us when she's ready."
Alice nodded sadly as she followed me. Pain and sadness coursed off of her as she took one last look at Bella. She let out a few dry sobs as we walked out the door. Thirty seconds later, we heard an anguish, yet, muffled scream followed by the distinct sound of breaking china and splattering food. Bella had, no doubt, flipped the tray off the bed. Alice froze beside me and I felt her longing to go back. I locked my arm around her waist and pulled.
"That's not somewhere you want to be right now." I whispered as she followed me still sobbing.
We told the rest of the family about the scene with Bella and that she didn't want company at the moment. We decided it was best to just wait until she came down to us. She still hadn't come down by the time we needed to leave to meet with the pack so Carlisle went to talk to her. However, when he got up there she was gone.
A/N: This one didn't turn out as good as I hoped it would. I didn't get to do it in one sitting and that really messes me up. Anyway, I hope you guys liked it. Please review.
