A/N: So I know that you're all anxiously awaiting the talk with Charlie. Unfortunately, this is not it. However, it is another almost fluff for Bella and Jasper. I thought it was a little necessary because things are going to start booming soon with them. Anyway, I promise the next chapter will be the one you've been waiting for. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one.
BELLA
I left Carlisle's office feeling a little better about telling Charlie. It was nice to know that Carlisle and the Cullens still considered me family, even after everything that I brought upon their family. It was also nice to know that I would have somewhere to go if Charlie decided that he couldn't live with a daughter who hurts herself. The fact that Carlisle was willing to do everything in his power to help me through this meant more to me than he could ever imagine. However, the solutions he came up with to solve my problems only gave me time to worry about the other problems this would bring.
I hadn't mentioned anything to Carlisle about the affect this would have on our relationship. I could only imagine what Charlie would say or think once I told him. I worried that he was going to think of me differently after this. What if he decided that he couldn't love me anymore, after this. I wouldn't blame, but it was worse than imagining life if the Cullens didn't love me anymore. I had just started to get to know Charlie again and see what a wonderful father he could be when given the chance. I didn't want to lose that now that I had finally gotten it back.
"Bella, would you relax?" Jasper asked pulling at his hair inb frustration. "Your anxiety is driving me crazy."
I had gone straight back to Alice's and Jasper's room the minute I left Carlisle's study. Jasper had been witing in there to see how I was doing. Even after I reassured him that I was fine, he insisted upon staying with me until Carlisle told us it was time to go.
I didn't have to tell him that Carlisle gave him and Alice permission to go. Alice saw his decision a second or so after I asked him. She told Jasper right away.
"I can't relax." I replied. "I have to tell my father that I've spent the last five months cutting myself. I have no idea how he's going to react to that. Hell, I don't even know how it's going to affect our relationship. What if he feels like he failed me or something. Or worse, what if he hates me and doesn't want anything more to do with me?"
Jasper sighed and patted the spot next to him on the couch.
"Sit down and listen for a minute." He said.
I walked over and sat on the couch. I fiugred it was better than pacing a hole in the floor.
"You know what we are." he stated once I was sitting next to him. "And you know what we try to be. You've also heard from Edward and seen first hand, that it's some times harder than others for us to be what we strive so hard to be. And we sometimes make mistakes and do things that are less than what we expected of ourselves. Rosalie took her revenge on Royce. Edward spent a few years feeding on "evil" humans. Emmett has snapped twice. I've gone after you at the sight of your fresh blood. And Alice, well, she's made her share of mistakes as well. However, we are never afraid to come home and admit our mistakes to Carlisle. Do you understand why?" I shook my head. I was extremely confused by what all of this had to do with Charlie and I. "It's because Carlisle is our father and he understands that everyone makes mistakes. Granted, people die when we make mistakes, but that's just because of what we are. Carlisle understands this and is always willing to forgive our mistakes, no matter how big. He could never hate us because we strive to do the best we can with what we are given. Charlie's the same with you. He'll forgive you for this mistake. Because that's all it is, is a mistake. He'll understand that."
"How do you know that's how he'll really feel?" I asked, "You've never even met him."
"You're right, I haven't." he answered, "But I have seen what happened as a result of your other mistakes. Like the time you ran off to Pheonix because of Edward. Or the time you disappeared to Italy for three days, because of Edward. Or the way you have to lie to him in order to protect him. Granted, those were all things you had to do to save your own life, as well as Edward's. However, to Charlie, who doesn't know the truth, they were simply the mistakes of a lovesick teenager. Mistakes that he forgave you for. Yes, he punished you first, but that just proves he loves you enough to keep you from doing it again. However, he forgave you and slowly started to trust you again. He'll think the same thing about this." He gestured to my scarred and maimed arms. "That it was just the act of a lovesick and very hurt woman. He'll feel horrible about it, but he'll do everything he can to help you because he loves you and will forgive. The point I'm trying to make is that, you're his daughter and no matter what you do, he is always going to love and forgive you. Nothing is ever going to change that for him. Do you understand?"
I nodded this time. I really did understand what he was saying. Granted, I was still worried that he could be wrong. However, the reminder that Charlie would most likely love me no matter what I did or didn't do, made me feel ten times better about the whole thing.
"Thanks Jasper." I sighed laying my head on his shoulder. "For everything. I don't know how I would've gotten through the last thirty two hours without you."
His only reply was wrapping his arm around my shoulders and kissing the top of my head. We sat like that in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. At some point he started rubbing comforting circles into my shoulder and I, once again, felt the electric shock that only Edward's touch illicited.
I, once again, found myself wanting him to touch me in other places. My Jasper's box shook like crazy, threatening to burst open any second. I quickly pulled away from him, and slid to the other side of the couch. Hurt crossed over all of his features. Embarassed, I looked down at the couch and bit my lip.
I looked at the couch until I felt his presence right in front of me. He grasped my chin between his forefinger and thumb and lifted my chin until we made eye contact. There was hurt, pain, fear, and confusion all showing through those beautiful golden orbs. The box rattled even more as I tried to fight his grasp on my chin. He, however, as a vampire, was stronger than me, so I gave up the fight quickly.
"Why do you keep doing that?" he asked in his beautiful voice. "Pulling away from me for no reason. And don't give me that crap about not being used to my body temperature, because I'm an empath. I know for a fact that it has nothing to do with that."
I didn't know how to answer that question. I was a little embarrassed because I had forgotten that he could read my emotions. He, no doubt, felt everything I did in those uncomfortable moments where the feelings I had for Edward come back ten times as strong. How was I suppose to convince him that he was wrong about my feelings? He'd know that I was lying.
I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything at all. Instead, I continued to stare into his eyes. He stared right back and there were so many emotions swimming in his eyes, it was hard to see how he felt. Confusion, love, lust, guilt, and fear. I didn't know which ones where more dominant nor which ones he'd give into. All I knew is that I was getting lost in his eyes and wanted nothing more than to kiss him.
Once again, he seemed to want it to, because he started to lean forward. I leaned away from him, loudly reminding myself that he was my best friend's husband. I was as close to the arm of the couch that I could get, but Jasper was still trying to catch my lips. God, I wanted to give him what he wanted, I really did, but I couldn't do that to Alice.
Thankfully, at that very moment, the door banged opened and Jasper jumped, quickly, to the other side of the couch. I looked to see who it was and I'd never been happier to see Alice, in my time of knowing her.
She didn't seem to notice that anything was off as she stepped inside. There was a half smile on her face and she was a little less exuberant than usual. I assumed that was because of what we had to do.
"Carlisle says that it's time for us to take Bella home." she stated looking at Jasper and I.
"Okay." Jasper nodded. "Are you ready Bella?"
"Not really." I sighed getting up and heading to my wardrobe. "But I have to do it, don't I?"
I opened the doors and dug out a very light black jacket. I wasn't going to let Charlie see my scars the minute we walked in. I didn't want to give him a heart attack. It was going to be hard enough for him to handle without me shoving it his face right away.
"Let's go." I sighed pulling the jacket on.
With that Alice, Jasper and I walked down the stairs to meet Carlisle. He was standing at the door, waiting for us and looking a little aprehensive. Nobody said a word as we walked to his Mercedes and climbed in.
The ride was silently as I stared out the window thinking about all the possible thing that could go wrong in the conversation this afternoon. Occassionally, I would look in the rearview mirror and Alice and Jasper who were sitting together in the back.
Alice had her head on Jasper shoulder and her arms wrapped around his waist. She looked so sad as she sat there. Jasper had his arms wrapped around her too and had placed his chin on top of her head. His eyes and features held the same tortured emotions of love, worry, confusion, guilt, and pain that they had in the room. I sighed and wondered what was going on with our emotions.
All too soon, we pulled up into the driveway behind Charlie's cruiser. I froze when Carlisle shut off the engine. I felt my heart speed up and my breath hitched. Carlisle placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"It's going to be alright." he said, "Just remember, no matter what happens in there, you'll always have a place to go and a family to take care of you, here."
I nodded and took a deep breath. I hesitated for only a second longer before opening the door and stepping out. I was joined a few seconds later by my other father, brother, and sister, and together we made our way up the short path to Charlie's front door.
A/N: I hope you all liked this chapter. I know Jasper's acting all confusing. However, he's caught up in these new emotions for Bella and is confused about his feelings for Alice. It's easy for him to get caught up in the moment with Bella. Also, I'm not sure if I'm being a bit overdramatic with Bella's feelings on telling Charlie. I'm just basing it off of how I felt when I told my parents that I cut myself once. It was a very difficult day for me. Finally, I had someone ask me something in a review yesterday and I'm going to answer here rather than message her, just in case anyone else is confused about that. I was asked why they didn't just tell Charlie that Edward had died from a car accident or some kind of disease. I thought about both but decided against it for two reasons. The first being that in such a small town, if Edward had some kind of a disease, everyone would probably know about it. Besides, it be a lot of paperwork for them to fake. And I didn't go with the car accident thing, because Charlie, being the Cheif of Police would've been called to the scene, immediately, and even if the could fabricate the evidence well, there wouldn't have been as body, which would've looked very suspicious. I don't know, though, you guys might not agree, however, that's my logic on it. I hope you all like it anyway. Please review. BTW: Sorry it's so short, I didn't get off work until nine o'clock tonight and have to be back at seven in the morning. Doesn't leave much time to do anything. Sorry.
