A/N: Sorry this took so long guys. I've been really busy with work and family things. I also had a small bout of writer's block when it came to Bella's part of this chapter. However, I think that I've taken care of it and hope that it turns out okay in the end.
JASPER
"Do you feel any better?" Alice asked.
It was about an hour after our conversation and impromptu hunt and we were sitting against the tree just across the river. Alice had a comforting arm slung around my shoulder. It was the first time she spoken in nearly fifteen minutes.
My anger toward her all but disappeared. Sure, I was still a little upset, because it was her decision not to leave me that lead Bella to make the decision to hurt herself again. However, it was also mine and Bella's fault. We should've been honest with Alice from the beginning, whether or not it hurt her. Maybe then, things wouldn't have turned out so bad.
It also helped that I took the time to consider her feelings throughout this whole thing. I had no idea how hard it must've been for her to spend months knowing that she was going to lose her husband and lover to her best friend. That had to be beyond devasting for her. Maybe if I had paid a little more attention to her feelings over the past months, I would've been able to figure it out.
The point, though, is she suffered through as much pain and guilt as Bella and I have over the past few months. I couldn't have expected her to just walk away from me witout warning. It was hard enough for her with the nine months warning that she had. I could understand that. It was just as hard for me at the moment as it was for her.
I was enternally grateful for her willingness to finally do it. Now that she knew justhow deeply our feelings ran. I was perfectly estatic about the idea of going to be and being able to hold her in my arms and kiss her before telling her how much I loved her. However, it was hard to think that I wasn't going to be Alice's husband anymore. She had been mine for decades and the thought of losing her was way more painful than I though it would be. Even with the promise of something that I wanted and needed more than her.
"Not really." I sighed. "And I won't be until I find out whether or not Bella's okay."
Carlisle had yet to call about Bella's condition. I kept telling myself that no news is good news. However, it was getting harder and harder as the minutes ticked by. Surely if she was going to make it, he'd be finished by now.
Alice stiffened at my words. I could feel the pain and guilt coming off of her in waves. Though, I had forgiven her for lying to us, she had yet to forgive herself. She still thought everything was completely her fault. When in reality, we all had a part to play in this. We were trying to protect ourselves and each other by making others happy. It didn't work because we'd all forgotten that a human heart could only take so much before it died.
"Jazz, I'm so sorry. I just..." she tried apologizing for like the millionth time that night.
"Al, stop it." I said a little forcefully. "I told you that I understand. This was as hard for you as it was for us. I get it. Besides, it's not entirely your fault. We all had our parts to play. We made our decisions and the pieces fell. Now, we just have to hope the outcome is good."
"She'll be okay." Alice whispered. "One way or another."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Do you really think that Carlisle is going to let her die?" she questioned rhetorically. "He'll turn her, if that's what it comes down to. We all know that, already."
"I just hope he doens't have to."
"I don't think he will. Bella's strong and resilient, even for a human. Look at what she's already survived. Sadistic vampires bent on destroying her and Edward. Jealous, pushy, adolescent werewolves. Losing Edward once. Losing Edward forever. Leaving the family. And while she hasn't always dealt with these things in the best way, she's still here. Somewhere inside her, she's found the will to survive it all. She will now too."
"How can you be so sure about that?" I asked not entirely believing her.
"Because, she'd be stupid to go and die when someone like you was waiting for her here." Alice replied with a smile.
"Thanks." I returned the smile slightly comforted.
We lapsed back into silence, just staring at the spot in front of off. My phone went off unexpectedly, about ten minutes later, causing us both to jump. I quickly pulled out the phone and flipped it opened without looking at the I.D.
"Hello?" I asked tentatively.
"Jasper, it's Carlisle." Carlisle's vouce replied quickly.
"Please, tell me that she's alright?" I practically begged.
"She's going to be just fine." he responded.
"Oh, thank God." I sighed relief washing over every part of me.
"I had to give her a couple transfusions. Which wasn't a problem seeing as we had the blood and all the necessary equipment. You know, just in case something went wrong with her transformation." he began to explain.
"Right." I replied.
"He left arm was pretty messed up. I had tob give her somewhere around twenty stitches after I stopped the bleeding. Her right one wasn't nearly as bad. It would've been worse had you not gotten in there when you did. If she had been able to finish, I wouldn't have even been able to change her." I shuddered at the thought as Carlisle continued. "She's resting right now. I imagine it will be a couple hours before she wakes up, but I'll call you when she does. In the meantime, I would like you to go hunting. I don't want to risk anything else happening tonight."
"Alice and I have already been." I stated.
"Good and did the two of you talk about whatever it was you needed to?"
His tone implied that he knew more than he thought he should.
"Yes, and we're pretty sure that once we've spoken to Bella, everything will be better."
"I'm glad to hear it, son." he replied. "I'll call you when she wakes."
"Thanks Carlisle, for everything."
"Just doing my job." he replied and flipped the phone shut.
I flipped the phone shut with a sigh and looked to Alice. She was kneeling beside me with an interesting look on her face. She was torn between fear and relief. I knew that she had heard the entire conversation, however, she wasn't prepared to believe it until I said the words.
"She's going to be fine." I told her and the relief completely comsumed her face. "Like Carlisle said, she resting and he'll call when she wakes."
"That's wonderful Jazz." she said and wrapped her arms around me. "I'm so glad. I don't know what I would've done if she didn't make it."
I just sighed and hugged her close. I was just as happy and relieved but couldn't quite find my voice. I just sat there staring at nothing in a state of relieved shock. I didn't come out of it until Alice waved her hand in my face.
"Sorry," I said shaking my head. "I just can't believe she made it."
"I told you she would."
"I know." I replied with a smile.
We fell into silence again as I thought about what this meant. Was I ready to finally do this?
"So what do you wanna do until Carlisle calls?" Alice asked excitedly.
I knew she was trying to hold on to the last little bit of time she had me all to herself. She wanted these last few hours to be ones to remember. However, I just wanted some time to reflect on everything. I needed to be sure that I was doing the right thing.
"Actually, Al, I was hoping I could just be alone for a little while, if you don't mind?" I answered. "I just lhave a few things that I wanna think about it."
"Of course." she replied sounding slightly hurt. "I'll just go find Em and Rose and tell them the good news."
She stood and started to walk away. I grabbed her wrist to stop her and she turned back to me.
"Thank you, Alice." I whispered. "For everything."
"No, Jazz, thank you." she replied and took off into the forest.
I continued to sit there as memories of Alice and I together danced through me head. I thought about the day I meant her in that bar. She was so sweet and vulnerable and I could feel how desperately she needed someone, anyone to hold on to. I was more than happy to be that someone because I needed the same thing. We helped each other through so much over the years and she lead us to our family.
She helped me get passed the guilt that I was feeling and gave me a better life. She reminded me that my past transgressions were acts of my nature. I didn't know any better at the time and while it didn't make it okay, it helped me see that I wasn't a horrible monster.
I didn't think I would've survived in this life post Maria if it hadn't been for Alice. She literally saved my life inb every possible way. How was I suppose to walk away from that?
Those thoughts made me reconsider leaving Alice. I loved her very much and I knew she loved me. Why mess with something as good as that? Especially after everything that we've gone through over the decades.
I, then thought about how I felt when Bella kissed me. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. Alice's kisses had nothing on that.
I rememebered how I felt the minute I stepped into that bathroom and realized that I could lose Bella forever. My whole world was rocked by that thought. And it felt like someone ripped out my could dead heart and threw it across the room. My life felt like it would end the minute hers did. It was a huge relief to find out that she would live.
I thought about that wonderful relief that was pulsing through me now. My mind started to fill with images of Bella and I together. I imagined putting my arms around her and kissing her beautiful lips.
It was those thoughts that made me realize that, though, I'd mourn my relationship with Alice and the memories of us, I loved Bella with every bit of my heart and would do everything in my power to ensure that we have a bright and happy future together.
BELLA
I woke up in my bed wearing, what felt like, a pair of sweatpants and a camisole, with a throbbing headache and no memory of the last couple hours. My left arm was throbbing and felt warm and heavy, like it was covered in several layers of something. My right wrist hurt, but not as bad as my left arm, it too felt like there was something wrapped around it. And there was a feeling like the constant pricking of a pin in the back of my right hand. Curious, about what was going on, I opened my eyes through the pain.
I looked over to the left first. Sure enough, my arm was covered in several layers of gauze. I looked to the right next and saw the my right wrist was bandaged as well. There was also an IV needle sticking out of the back of my right hand. I followed the tube of it with my eyes. There was a red liquid shooting through it and a bag full of the same liquid at the top of the stand.
It didn't take me long to realize the liquid was blood. The second that realization hit, memories started flooding back to me. I remembered laying on the bed and thinking that I couldn't do anything right for the Cullens and how there lives might be better if I took myself completely out of them. I remembered slicing my left wrists and thinking how badly it hurt after so many months. I remember starting the right but then Jasper was suddenly there. I strained, but couldn't remember anything after that.
Curious to find out more, I made to sit up through the pain in my head. Before I could even get halfway up, to pairs of strong cold hands were pushing me back down.
"Oh no you don't." a familiar female voice said.
I looked up to see Esme staring down at me. She had a strange mix of fear, relief, sadness, and anger in her eyes. A mix that I had only seen once before, it was the look that Charlie had the day Edward brought me back from Italy. A looke that only a parent could give a child when they've done something so completely stupid and dangerous that it was a wonder they were still alive.
The fact that Esme, who was not my mother by blood or venom, looking at me like that, mademe feel extremely ashamed and embarassed by my actions of the night before. I found that I couldn't even look into her eyes at that moment. I, instead, turned my gaze to the bed and through my sadness and shame blurted out,
"Esme, I'm so sorry. It just got too much and I..I..I.."
Bella, stop." she cut me off and held up her hand. I shut up immediately. "I understand, honey. I know this whole ordeal hasn't been easy on any of you. I mean with all of you worried about hurting someone else, one of you was bound to do something stupid and crazy like this."
"Esme, what are you talking about?" I asked highly confused.
She couldn't have been talking about the whole thing with Jasper, Alice, and I. Jasper and I were the only ones who knew anything about that and we both agreed not to tell anyone. Jasper wouldn't have said anything without talking to me first.
"You and Jasper." she replied sadly sitting beside me on the bed.
I began to panic a little inside. She knew! How did she know? Did she tell the others? Were the angry at me? I prayed they weren't. I couldn't lose them again. I did the best thing I could think of.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I stated trying to sound convincing.
"Bella, sweetie." she sad pushing some hair out of my face. "You're lying skills haven't improved much over the past few months."
I looked back at the bed and bit my lip. I guess there was only one thing to do now.
"How did you know?" I asked her.
"Alice told me." she shrugged.
My heart rate picked up and my breath caught in my throat. Alice knew. How did she find out? She was going to hate me. I didn't think that I could live through that. I couldn't lose my best friend.
"Bella, honey calm down." Esme pleaded. "Carlisle'll kill me if I get you too worked up. You're still not fully recovered."
"How did Alice find out?" I managed to ask.
"She's psychic." Esme replied sweetly. "However, if it makes you feel any better, she saw it coming before you and Jasper ever did." I shot her a look that clearly said I had no idea what she was talking about. "She had a vision of the two of you togehter the day Edward died."
"How is that possible?" I asked, "I mean, how could she have seen it before Jasper and I were even able to decide how we felt about each other."
"Alice's powers aren't limited to concious decisions Bella." Esme answered. "Jasper conciously decided to stop you from going after a volatile werewolf, for whatever reason he wanted to tell himself. However, subconciously, he knew that he'd rather die than have you taken out of this life. That decision, unbeknownst to either of you, lead you to your discovering your feelings. Which are very strong. Alice's vision never changed throughout the entirety of your five month seperation. She was the one who pushed Jasper to be the one to go talk to you and convince you to come back to us. She knew all that would lead to the two of you falling in love."
This news was a little shocking for me. I hadn't expected to find out that Alice knew all along. I wasn't exactly sure how that made me feel.
"She heard your guys conversation three months ago as well." Esme finished quietly.
"What?" I gasped. "She heard that?"
"Yes, everything. From Jasper asking you how you felt to the kiss and your guys decision to walk away from each other for her sake."
"So you mean to tell me that we were all miserable for nothing."
"No, not for nothing, Bella." Esme stated. "You see, Alice decided a long time ago that she was going to give him up for you. She knew that a time would come when you needed him more than she did. However, she wasn't as prepared for it as she thought she would be. She wasn't ready three months ago. You're decision gave her the time she needed to say goodbye. She was able to get the last little bit of what she needed of him. She was ready now. In fact, before Jasper caught the scent of your blood, she was taking him out to do what she needed to do. And she finished the job while you were out of it."
"She what?" I asked starting to panic again.
"She asked him for a divorce while you were sleeping. Carlisle's going to get the paper work started tomorrow."
"No, she can't Esme." I pleaded. "I can't let her hurt like that. She needs him. I could never take him away from her."
"Bella, it's not taking him away from her. She's giving him to you. She knows how desperately you need him. And he needs you now just as bad."
"But what about Alice. She's my best friend and I can't hurt her. Do you know how much seeing us together is going to kill her? And what about the rest of you? How can I expect you to be okay with the fact that I'm hurting Alice like this?"
"Bella, listen to me, I know how much you love Alice and I know how much you love this family. And you don't want to see any of us hurt. We all feel the same way about you. But at some point, you have to do what's right for you. Even if it's not necessarily right for everyone else. Besides, if we'll be happy if you are. Yeah, it's going to hurt Alice, it's going to hurt her a lot. But you're her best friend and sister and she'd rather die a million times over than see you like this. We all would. Your happiness is essential to ours. You have to understand that. We hate seeing you like this. We do. You are a wonderful and beautiful person and we couldn't live without you around. And if being with Jasper is what's going to keep you here, alive, and happy, then that's all we want and need." Esme explained.
"But I can't take him away from her." I protested even thoguh her words made sense. "They've been together for decades and they've helped eachother through the worst possible things. His heart truly belongs to her. I couldn't take that away."
"Honey, Jasper's heart belongs to whoever he chooses to give it to." she stated kindly. "And yes, part of it will always be with Alice, but it's big enough for both of you. And if he wants to give most of it to you, let him. Especially if it'll make both of you happy."
I opened my mouth to protest again but found that I had nothing left to say. She was right about all of it and I knew it.
"Alice is giving you a special gift Bella. The best thing you can do is take it and cherish it. She wants you to be happy, no matter what it costs her. So, be happy, and she will be too."
I simply nodded knowing that I wasn't going to win. Granted, there was a major part of me that was glad for that.
"Now, Carlisle and the others are outside waiting for to see you." Esme continued. "Only Carlisle doesn't want more than two people in at a time. He doesn't want to overwhelm you. So I'm going to send in Rosalie and Emmett first. That way, you can relax a bit more before you talk to Alice and Jasper."
I nodded and she leaned down to kiss my forehead.
"And Esme," I whispered as she walked to the door.
"Yes, dear." she paused at the handle.
"Thanks for everything."
"Just doing my job." she replied. "I'll bring you up some dinner in little bit."
With that she opened the door and stepped out.
I was left alone for several minutes to ponder and fear what would happen once the rest of the family came to see me.
A/N: I think I made up for the gap between updates on this one. I honestly think it might be my longest chappie ever. I don't know though. Anyway, let me know what you think. Also, I'm not sure how transfusions work so just use your imagination please. Anyway, that's it for the night. Now it's time for Army Wives! Which is like the best show ever. Drew Fuller is so damn sexy! And on that note, I just like to implore that you review.
