Tseng's prediction about Reno and Dick never came to pass, since Reno had programmed Dick on his own to know about sex. But they still suffered some humiliation for a different reason, still of a sexual nature.
A week later Reno woke up to Dick slapping his face early one morning before sunrise. "How could you do this to me?!" Dick was yelling.
"How'd you get of the gun safe?" Reno fired back. "And what the hell is your problem now?"
"I'm impotent! Why'd you give me this if it doesn't work?" Dick slapped his hand on his groin. "What kind of a sicko are you? I was chatting up this lovely lady but when it came time to put out, I couldn't!" Dick cradled his head in his hands. "Oh, the humanity!" he bawled.
Reno couldn't believe his ears. "You're…you're an impotent virgin? Are you kidding me?!"
"No!" Dick blurted out and then explained his whole sob story. As Reno understood it, Dick escaped and went trolling for mischief, and eventually ended up at a playground and found an abandoned regular doll and tried his luck.
Reno was stunned…Dick was modeled after him, would people think he was the same? He couldn't take that chance. "Let's go ask Cait Sith."
"No!" Cait Sith exclaimed. "My toys are for all ages, kids don't need sex dolls!"
"My reputation is on the line!" Reno all but yelled. "You don't have to make them all sexually active, just Dick! Look at the poor kid." He gestured to where Dick was standing in the office, trying to look as pitiful as possible. "He's not trying to go on a killing spree or take over the world, he just wants to get laid!"
The Stitching Bitches had taken the dolls they were working on close to the boss's office to giggle at the argument they could clearly hear.
"I guess we shouldn't have made them anatomical after all." Elizabeth commented.
"Don't talk such nonsense!" Ellie retorted. "It was fun, and it's the closest to the real thing some of us are likely to get again. And that's the gorgeous young man who was in a few weeks ago. I bet he's never met a vagina he didn't like."
"I didnae agree! Take your perversion out of here!" Cait Sith demanded.
"Come on, Dick, let's go see if Cid can help us, he's used to tinkering on all kinds of stuff." Reno said and left the office as the Stitching Bitches hurried back to their assigned stations. "Yuffie! What are you doing here?" he asked after nearly bumping into her as she walked in the building just as he was walking out.
"Just picking something up." she replied as the Vincent doll peeked out at Reno and Dick from behind her legs.
"What does Vincent think about that?" Reno asked with a smirk on his face."
"I haven't asked him." Yuffie honestly answered him. "Oh, thank you." she said as Elizabeth handed her a regular plush doll, and Yuffie handed her a cashier's check in return.
Reno gawked at her when he realized the doll looked like him, then recovered. "You could have just asked if you wanted to cuddle with me." he told her.
"It's for Marlene, you twit." she snapped at him. "Come on, Vinnie, let's go."
"Hey Vinnie, did anyone ever tell you that you're a virgin for life?" Dick called out after them.
"What's a virgin?" Vinnie asked Yuffie as they headed to Cloud and Tifa's house.
"Nothing you really need to know about." Yuffie frowned…it would be just like Reno to want a sexually active doll modeled after him.
Reno was frowning too, at finding out Marlene wanted a doll of him. He had no trouble with women objectifying him, he just wanted them to be legal age first. Marlene was just a kid. "Come on, Dick, let's see if Cid will understand our problem."
It was all Cid could do to keep a straight face as he heard out Reno and Dick in his hangar. "You want Dick to be able to have sex?"
"Damned straight!" Reno exclaimed. "I'm not having my exact likeness spend the rest of his life as an impotent virgin! Can you imagine what people will say about me? And think about how Dick must feel every time he sees a dog hump someone's leg and he can't get even get it up?"
"Let's get back to the house first, I'd like you to meet our two newest additions." Cid replied, leaving the hangar. When they got back to the house, he called out for his wife. "Shera! We've got company!"
"Who, dear?" Shera asked, hurrying into the room. "Oh, hello Reno. You've got a friend too, I see."
"Too?" Reno inquired.
"Yeah, that's why I brought them in, so they could meet ours." Cid told her.
"They're in the kitchen helping, follow me." Shera led the way. "Oh, stop that you two!" she cried out in dismay as two small figures were throwing bits of dough at each other like a snowball fight, their features were obscured by the batter, but they instantly stopped when they realized they had been caught.
"These two little firecrackers are Sid and Sarah. We call him Junior mostly though." Cid explained.
"So why are you here?" Shera asked Reno as she started to clean Sid off, who swore in protest.
"I thought Cid could help me with a little problem with Dick here." Reno introduced his own doll.
Cid couldn't keep it in any longer and he burst out laughing. "He…he wants me to give Dick the little blue wires!"
Shera just looked at her amused husband in confusion while Reno felt himself getting upset at being the butt of someone else's joke. "Are you gonna help me or not, Cid?"
