Chapter 3: You taught me the courage of stars before you left
Unfortunatly the girls bathroom on the third floor had its negative sides. No one would ever come in, but that had a reason. Moaning Myrtle was around here most of the time. When Bella was just about to shove her fingers down her throat again, Myrtle popped up right in front of her. Bella just rolled her eyes, deciding to ignore her. She wasn't worth it stopping her purging session.
„Uh what is little Bella doing here? Did Draco call you fat again, hmmm? I remember you crying, yes yes, right here, it seems to be your favorite place to be… isn't it funny that other children have to starve while you keep doing THIS?!", Myrtle cried, getting louder and louder with each word she spoke.
Even though guilt started climbing up in Bella immediatly she didn't dare to stop it. She just managed to say: „Leave me alone, you moaning bitch.", her voice very hoarse. At least Myrtle decided to float away then, crying and extremly hurt. Bella didn't mind. Why should she feel sorry for someone who insulted her just a few seconds ago? She kept on doing her thing until she felt like she got everything up. She then flushed the toilet and went to the sink, her legs were all shaky, her eyes and face red from the massive pressure that just had been put on her head. She felt like collapsing but managed to clean herself up before she sunk on the floor, really tired out.
Bella gave herself a few minutes, before she could get herself to stand up and leave. She didn't want to see anyone, nor did she want to be seen by anyone. She just wanted to go to bed and sleep forever.
„Harry? What's the matter?", Ron asked, pulling Harry out of his thoughts. The red headed boy was still chewing on the candy he had taken from the great hall. Hermione was being extremely annoyed because he just couldn't keep his mouth shut while eating. It wouldn't take long for her to explode.
„N-Nothing.", claimed Harry, his eyes looking into the fire.
„Harry, there IS something obviously wrong with you. What is it?", Ron said again, he finally had swallowed the food in his mouth, much to Hermiones relief.
She just looked at Ron and chuckled, shaking her head in disbelief. „Ronald Weasly, HOW can you not notice. Harry is IN LOVE."
„WHAT? But who is it then?", Ron asked, completely confused.
Hermione just stared at him and said nothing more. It was absolutely hopeless.
„I am NOT in love, alright? I'm just tired, it was an exhausting day. If you don't mind, I'm going to bed now."
„But Harry, it's only nine o clock, you can't just go to sleep now-"
„Yes I can, Hermione. Good night.", Harry said coldly and left both of them confused.
All he could think of was the train ride. Or Bella. She was just so wonderful. He just wanted to be with her so badly right now, he wanted to know everything about her, damn, he didn't even knew her name until a few hours ago, and now he was so obsessed with her. That can't be normal. He must get her out of his head.
It can't be true what Hermione said, right? He can't be… in love. That was impossible. Additionally with a Slytherin girl. And maybe she didn't even feel the same about him…
‚Stop it, now!', he thought to himself but he just couldn't help it. He didn't FEEL anything about her, he wasn't IN LOVE… I mean this would just be stupid and abnormal… he should really just forget her… perhaps she didn't even like him because he was a Gryffindor…
Harry frowned angrily about himself, his head was in a complete chaos. He must get this under control, right now. But it wasn't as easy as he thought. It even got harder the more he thought about controlling it.
He finally went to bed, but only to find a restless sleep.
She couldn't sleep. It was three o clock in the morning and she still hadn't slept for a second. She was tired and exhausted, but she just couldn't fall asleep. A sigh left her lips. Zar was laying next to her feet and was rolled up, snuggeling into her sheets. He was sleeping like a baby. And she was laying awake for hours, trying to find just one moment of peace. Finally she gave up and decided to get out of bed. She didn't mind losing points by being out after curfew at the beginning of the school year. All the Slytherins hated her anyway.
Carefully she placed her feet on the ground of the girls bedroom. „Accio claok.", she whispered and her beautiful wizarding cloak flew into her hands. It wasn't her usual Slytherin cloak, it was ground lenth, with a hood and coloured in a very dark, soft blue. She had put a spell on it that would make it sparkle with stars all over it. When she twirled around it would sparkle even more. It was a little much fanciness, but she really liked it.
She threw the cloak over herself and made her way out of the bedroom. She didn't even make a noise while sneeking outside, being silent was no problem for her.
She knew where she was going to go, maybe she could find a little more peace for herself there.
Harry's eyes opened abruptly and he found himself shaking, breathing heavily and covered in cold sweat in his bed. He rubbed his eyes and tried to ignore the pain in his forhead, and the horrible pictures that were left from his nightmare. It was Cedric's death again, of course, what else would it be. Sitting up straight he decided to take a quick shower because he knew he couldn't sleep now in any case. His feet touched the wooden ground and he got up, shivering and on shaky legs. He felt a little dizzy, but that feeling went away after a few seconds.
Harry didn't want to think about that dream anymore. It was Voldemort. It was always him. Causing him pain, loss and sleepless nights. Harry frowned angrily, undressed himself and stepped under the shower. The warm water felt so good and it was heating him up from the inside. He decided to let himself a little more time than usual. In the morning he always had to rush himself because of the others that were waiting in line.
The minutes went by and after he felt like his skin was dry enough from the hot water perling down on him he decided to get out. Shivering from the cold that waited outside the warm shower he quickly dried himself and got dressed in some comfortable clothes.
Harry didn't need to think long what to do now. It wasn't his first sleepless night here in Hogwarts.
„Accio cloak.", he whispered into the darkness and the only thing he got from his father flew in his hands. He grabbed it tightly and pressed it onto his chest. He felt so alone, so miserable right now. He just wanted to be held and told that everything was going to be okay. Even if it was a lie. He wouldn't care. He just needed… someone.
Harry threw the cloak over himself and silently went down the stairs to the common room. It was three o clock in the middle of the night so, of course no one was there. He slipped out of the portrait hole and disappeared in the long, empty corridors of the castle.
Bella finally reached the top of the Astronomy Tower. She breathed heavily and it felt like sharp knifes were stabbing into her sides. Ignoring the pain, she walked to the edge of the tower towards the railing. It was so beautiful and peaceful up here. Bella closed her eyes and breathed in the cold night air. All the things that were penetrating her mind constantly let go off her for a brief moment. All the dark memories from all those different places… her constant worry about controlling her eating habits, her weight, the massive self hate that was always present. In that moment all of this was gone for a second. It was like the monster inside her head had gone to sleep for a while now.
Suddenly she heard a noice. It wasn't loud, but it sounded like there was someone. Quickly she hid behind one of the big pillars up there. Bella held her breath and looked around. She couldn't see anyone, but that didn't mean that no one was there. It could have been an animal, yes, but her intention said it was not. She closed her eyes and concentrated.
„Homenum Revelio", she thought, her wand held out, but not letting it stick out of her cloak. The wand pointed towards the stairs. She lifted her hand and threw the hood of her cloak off her head. She stared where her wand showed her and took some steps forward to the point carefully, always expecting someone to come out of the nowhere.
„I can feel that you are here. There is no need to hide. Show.", she whispered.
Then, all of the sudden a person appeared out of nowhere. Literally. And the person was only about six feet away from her. Bellas reflexes caused her to point her wand directly at the person, ready to cast a defencive spell.
„Harry.", she said, relaxing a bit and putting her wand down. He was standing right in front of her, he seemed as surprised as her.
„What are you doing here?", both asked at the same time. Harry grinned.
„You first."
„Couldn't sleep. And you? Nightmares?", she asked.
„How do you know-… ehm yes. Nightmares."
„There is something inside me that tells me Harry, I don't really know I just… suppose.", she told him before she had thought any further. „Sounds stupid, I know.", she laughed quietly, embarressed of herself.
„Not at all, rather… interesting."
Bella turned around and walked towards the railing of the tower again. Harry came with her and they both stood there, silently.
„It's beautiful, isn't it?", Harry asked with a calm voice, no normal person would have suggested that he just had one of his worst nightmares.
„Yes.", Bella whispered back. „It is wonderful at night here. Everything is so… peaceful. So reassuring. All of your thoughts just disappear for a few moments. Was it about Cedric?"
„Y...yes.", stuttered Harry, not sure if he wanted to talk about Cedric's death right now.
„Do you want to talk about it? You don't have to but… sometimes it helps.", she told him, her voice lowered. Harry didn't respond at first.
„You really want to hear about it?", he asked, reassuring himself.
„Yes."
Harry nodded and sat down on the ground, letting his feet dangle from the endge of the tower. Bella sat down next to him, doing the same. Her silver hair was shimmering in the moonlight even more beautiful than it did in the sunlight. He had to stop himself from reaching out his hand and touching it. And suddenly the words began to leave his lips without him even thinking.
Bella was looking at him, reassuring him that she was listening carefully. With every word he spoke he felt like a burdon was taken off of him. And Bella just listened, she didn't judge him, she didn't disturb him, she just listened. She was there for him, the first person that didn't ask stupid questions or telling him immediatly how sorry she was for him. He didn't want or need pity, he just wanted someone that truly listened to him. And there she was, sitting right next to him. He couldn't belive that he had just told her, a person he didn't even know until today, everything about Cedric's death. That he had told her, even though she was a Slytherin girl and Harry was always careful around them. Most of them were deceitful, but Bella clearly wasn't.
Two pairs of green eyes met.
„You are feeling better now, aren't you?"
„I am."
There was a minute of silence, but not that kind of awkward one, instead it felt good to hear the wind blowing and the rustle of the dry leaves on the hogwarts school grounds, far below them. Until Harry decided to break the silence.
„And what causes your lack of sleep?", he asked her, looking into those mysterious green eyes. There was so much hidden behind them, way too much, he knew.
„Too many thoughts.", she smiled softly, looking extremely worn now. It made her appear much older than a fifteen year old girl.
„Toughts about what exactly?", Harry asked gently. He could feel Bella tense up a little bit, but she was hiding the rest of it very well.
„What do you think would it feel like to have parents that love you, Harry? Who adore you, are proud of who you are and always have your back?", she asked him, hurt dripping from her voice.
„I don't know, but I'd love to be able to tell you how it feels like." He paused for a second. He knew from Hermione, that Bella also didn't get to know her real parents and grew up in an orphanage instead. God knows where Hermione gets all that information from. Girls gossip Harry supposed.
„Is this what keeps you from sleeping at night?"
„Sometimes it does. There are so many things. But one night wouldn't be long enough to tell you all of that. Besides, I don't know if I could say it in words, even if I truly wanted to. The thoughts won't leave my mind. Not now, not today. Maybe some day, but who knows when this will be."
„I hope that I can be the one listening to you then.", Harry smiled softly and Bella smiled back.
„You will be."
As they were sitting there, peacefully and both with pounding hearts, they could see the dawn already coming.
„Maybe we should go back in our rooms in time. The sun is already rising."
„I know.", she sighted.
„Come on then."
They both stood up and streched themselfes out a little. Without a word they were both sneeking down the tower and finding themselfes in the big corridors once again.
„Well… I'd say goodnight but I think good morning is better fitting.", Bella chuckled quietly as they went to the stairs, where their ways parted. „You better put your cloak on again. Professor Snape is known to wander around the castle early in the morning."
„Oh well, that's definitly good to know. I hope you'll have a nice day, Bella."
„I will. We'll see later.", she smiled and with that she put her hood over her beautiful silver hair and disappeared walking down the stairs.
Harry threw his cloak over himself and got up to his common room. But there was one thing that he didn't understand still. How did she detect him on the tower? He hadn't heard her saying anything.
