"This is a gift, it comes with a price.
Who is the lamb, and who is the knife?
Midas is king, and he holds me so tight,
And turns me to gold in the sunlight ." -"Rabbit Heart" by Florence + The Machine
(Chapter Two)
Izaya has always loved traveling.
He's always been good about blending in, when he tries to, at least. He loves observing people in their natural habitats, bustling about from place to place in their daily lives, never noticing how other people might be watching them fondly.
He didn't spend too much time in the cities. While they are a hotbed for people watching, Izaya mostly wanted to stay out of the way while he recovered from his encounter with Shizuo. He visited outskirts, still flocked with tourists, of course, but also alive with natural scenery. Izaya doesn't mind nature, it's just not his favorite, but he longed to roam about freely after escaping from the chair.
He chatted with locals, tourists, went inside overpriced stores and bought his sisters things, and tried his best to forgive himself for all that transpired before.
He's absorbed the shock of his failures, but sometimes they come back like a wayward boomerang and knock the wind out of him. It's all he can do to keep going.
He never intended to be gone for so long, but he never knew how badly he needed to get away until he left. He had plans to traverse around Europe next, but then that idiot Shinra had to go and get stabbed again.
Izaya sighs as he looks out the windows of the taxi. It's pouring rain outside and has been for some time now. He can't see any differences in the city, and it's a relief in some ways, disappointing in others. Life moved forward without him, but not enough to erase him. Not completely.
When his phone vibrates against his thigh, he ignores it at first, until it keeps vibrating. It's definitely Namie, and she's almost definitely pissed. He had her go and set up his office the way he had it before he left. He also suggested she clean it a bit, but she never responded to that message. She rarely does. She's rarely fun.
"Yes?" Izaya answers, watching as a woman runs under an awning to seek shelter from the rain. She's wearing heels, suede from the look of them. They're ruined now.
"That man was just here. In your apartment. I had to threaten to call the cops to get him to leave," Namie says, voice void of any concern. Izaya frowns.
"Man?"
"Heiwajima. I asked if he was here to finish the job, but he only kept demanding to talk to you." He can hear the amusement in her voice. "How quaint. He missed you."
Izaya cuts his eyes to the taxi driver, who isn't paying him any attention, and then he puts his head down, withholding a groan. Shizuo is already skulking around? This wasn't supposed to happen so soon. Damn brute can never just do as Izaya expects.
"Missed trying to kill me, I'm sure. I'll deal with him later on. Is everything in order there?"
"Yes. I looked into—"
"Good. That's all for now. Your schedule will go back to the same as it was before I left," Izaya says pointedly, cutting her off. He's had this phone for too long now. He doesn't trust it to be secure.
"Right. Deposit my payment up front. If that man kills you anytime soon, I don't expect to see my name in your will."
She hangs up then, and Izaya scowls at the phone.
"Girl trouble?" The taxi driver asks with a smile. He's a balding man, but he doesn't look very old. There's no ring on his finger, but he has a small photo of two children taped to his dashboard. His eyes are focused on Izaya in the rear-view mirror.
"How'd you know?" Izaya asks pleasantly.
"I know that face! Just buy her some flowers and apologize. It'll work itself out," the man says with a laugh.
"Things usually do, in the end," Izaya says. He withholds the comment that buying Namie flowers would just give her something to eat, but the taxi driver seems to have enough problems.
Instead of being dropped off at his place like he planned, he has the driver take him to a restaurant close by, and he occupies a booth by the window. He's been here once before, with Shiki. It's a swanky place, but he can't bring himself to eat anything. He orders a coffee and keeps his eyes on the city outside.
He hates the way his body shakes. He hates the way he can't control it.
A recurring nightmare for months was Shizuo standing over him, laughing before he issued the final blow. Izaya always woke up with a start, gasping for air. It was worse when he couldn't walk, but he still has the dream sometimes.
"Do it, you monster."
It was only a little over a year ago, but it seems so much longer. Things usually do, in hindsight. Izaya was a different person then, and maybe he hasn't changed for the better, but he's changed enough to know he was wrong. His biggest mistake was ever believing Shizuo was anything more than a mere human.
"More coffee, sir?"
He looks up at the waitress. She's young, barely old enough to work here, and there's a blush on her face.
"Just the check, please," he replies, smiling at her. She nods and hurries off. How funny.
Rain is still falling when he journeys outside again, but it's a drizzle. Izaya berates himself for not wearing a disguise of some sort. He should have anticipated a wrench in his plans, since Shizuo has always been good for that sort of thing. He at least thought he'd make it home before Shizuo stalked over to kill him.
His building is only a block away from the restaurant, and he hurries as much as he can without actually running. His spine has healed nicely, but overdoing it always causes some soreness, and most likely will the rest of his life. He's just really not in the mood to deal with that tonight.
As soon as he passes the threshold into his apartment, it's like greeting an old friend. His computer is turned on, his screensaver the only light source. He sets his keys on the table and sighs softly, turning to lock the door behind him.
Only it's open, and Shizuo is there, dripping water onto the floor in a puddle.
Things happen very quickly after that. Izaya jumps backwards, his knife out in a flash, and Shizuo is catching his arm, holding it tightly, glaring down at him with dark eyes that look almost black in the low light.
"Show it to me." Shizuo is growling, and Izaya can't think of what he means, is too busy willing his heart to slow down. He feels like a trapped rabbit staring into the eyes of a wolf.
"Let go of me! You'll snap my arm off!" Izaya scowls and tries to wrench free, but of course that became impossible the moment Shizuo caught him. "Were you waiting here for me? I haven't even been in Ikebukuro!"
"Your arm, show me your arm! Come on!" Shizuo tries to pull at Izaya's coat, which gives Izaya time to slip out of it and fling himself halfway across the room.
"Get out, you beast! I have no plans to be near you, let alone in the same room. You got what you wanted. So—"
"Fuck that! Show me your arm! I won't believe it until I see it!"
Only then does Izaya realize the implications. He runs his tongue along the backside of his teeth, tries to think of a way out of this.
"See what?" he asks to buy time. The hairs on the back of his neck stand at the noise of fury Shizuo makes.
"Your mark! Your soulmate mark, I-za-ya!" The syllables are drawn out. Shizuo has always wielded Izaya's name like a weapon.
"I don't have one," Izaya says.
"Like hell! Fuck that! Fuck you! Roll your sleeve up or I'll rip your goddamn shirt off!"
Izaya remembers Shizuo's mark is on his right arm. Shizuo is an idiot, and him being so angry could actually work well in Izaya's favor.
He slowly rolls his right sleeve up, revealing his bicep. His unmarked bicep. Shizuo stares at it dumbly, his breathing slowing down as his eyes narrow.
"See? Nothing. I would have it the same place as you if—"
"The other one, then," Shizuo spits. Izaya freezes.
"It...would be the same arm, Shizu-chan."
"No. It can be either arm. Either leg. Kasuka's is on his left ankle, and Ruri's in on the right."
Izaya hadn't planned for Shizuo to use logic. If the beast can learn, Izaya truly misjudged him.
"Surely you didn't come here to make me strip," Izaya says, and Shizuo huffs before storming towards him. Izaya sidesteps him and backs away again, his eyes darting for the door.
"Show me the damn mark! Shinra already told me! You being sketchy about it only proves it more!" Shizuo yells, swiping at him again.
Fucking Shinra. Or course.
"Shinra's a liar. You've known him long enough to know that," Izaya says.
"You're the damn liar, you shitty flea. Where'd you even go, huh? Off to ruin other lives?" Shizuo lurches at him again, and Izaya jumps over his coffee table, almost making it to the door before Shizuo blocks it.
"Yes. I'm horrible and as bad as you always believed, so wouldn't you rather die than find out someone like me is your soulmate? Wouldn't you sleep better never knowing for sure?" Izaya fingers his knife, glaring up at Shizuo. Lighting flashes outside and illuminates them both for a split second.
"The not knowing is what's the worst thing about it."
Izaya blinks at him, and then laughs a little.
"I'd have thought you'd be used to it by now. The not knowing things."
Shizuo bares his teeth and stalks forward again, and then he...pauses. Stops.
"No," he says. "You're trying to make me mad so I'll let this go. It's not gonna work."
"That's twice I've seen you use critical thinking and real world applications tonight, Shizu-chan. Did you take a class while I was gone?" Izaya asks.
"Yeah, a class on seeing through your bullshit," Shizuo says. He raises his fist, and Izaya instinctively backs away to avoid it, his eyes trained on Shizuo's hands. Shizuo takes the opportunity to move forward, and Izaya slashes his knife blindly, too afraid of what might happen if he gets caught again.
He feels when his blade meets skin, and he stops pushing forward, his eyes widening.
His knife is stuck halfway through Shizuo's palm, blood pouring from the wound.
"Ha! Got you!" Shizuo exclaims proudly, his fist clenching in Izaya's shirt and lifting him almost off the ground. "Get out of this one, I-za-ya! You'll have to take your shirt off, and then I'll see anyway!"
"You...have a knife in your hand, and you've still got a one-track mind?" Izaya squirms, reaching for another blade. Shizuo lets his shirt go and instead catches his wrists, pressing him backwards until Izaya feels the cool surface of the wall at his back.
"Stop. I didn't come here to fight you," Shizuo says.
"I can feel your blood seeping into my shirt, you disgusting Cro Magnon asshole!" Izaya spits, not okay with any of this. Shizuo's right hand is closed around his left wrist, smearing blood as he pulls Izaya's sleeve up, his dark eyes never looking away from Izaya's.
Then he finally breaks eye contact, looking down at Izaya's arm.
Izaya used to entertain plans of covering the mark. He read stories about people getting tattoos over their marks, heartbroken people who lost their soulmates to death and didn't want to look at the reminders of their lost loves. The mark always shows back up eventually, shining through the tattoo, no matter what color ink. It isn't something that can be covered or forgotten.
He's long since looked at it as a curse.
Shizuo seems to be thinking something different as he gazes down at the mark with gentler eyes than Izaya's ever seen him with. He touches Izaya's skin almost tentatively, his bloody fingers smearing over the crescent moon shape and turning Izaya's pale skin crimson.
"I should've known," Shizuo says softly, clearly to himself and not Izaya. "The world loves fucking me over. It couldn't have been anyone but you."
"You got what you wanted," Izaya says, and Shizuo looks at him like he just remembered Izaya was actually present. "Leave."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Shizuo asks, and he has the nerve to look offended when Izaya laughs in his face.
"Yes, how might that conversation have gone? What would you have said? Would things have been different? Do you think it would have stopped you from beating me within an inch of my life?"
"Yes! I mean—shit, I deserved to know! You owed me—!"
"I owed you nothing then and I owe you nothing now! Nothing! This means nothing to me! Do you understand? This mark, this curse, has meant nothing to me for years! I don't think about it. I don't remember it." Izaya smirks when Shizuo growls lowly at him. "You mean nothing to me. I don't even hate you anymore. I feel nothing for you."
"Bullshit. You wore sleeves all those years, fearing I'd see it, didn't you? You wanted to ignore it, but couldn't. You aren't as hard to read as you think you are." Shizuo's eyes haven't left Izaya's mark.
It's infuriating.
"So now what? What do you want? What'd you expect to get out of this? Are we going to exist happily ever after now? Is that's what's in your basic caveman brain? We almost killed each other! Did you forget that, or—"
"God, shut up. You talk too damn much."
Shizuo finally drops Izaya's arms and moves back, glaring at his still bleeding hand like it's an inconvenience he's only just remembered.
"I don't know, okay. I don't know what's next. You piss me the fuck off, and that's not ever gonna change. But—fuck, we can't ignore this!" Shizuo's eyes go right back to the mark, and Izaya yanks his sleeve down. Shizuo very nearly pouts.
"Ignoring it is exactly what we're going to do," Izaya says.
"People go their whole lives without ever finding their soulmates," Shizuo says like it matters. Like it's important.
"I'm aware. And lucky them! If only we had been as blessed. You're aware this is the longest conversation we've ever had without trying to kill each other? You really think I'm your soulmate?"
"Honestly, I'm thinking the universe made a giant ass mistake," Shizuo mutters. He reaches for his cigarettes.
"No smoking in here! Go outside!"
"It's raining outside."
"Then go home and smoke! Why are you still even here?!" Izaya wants to shower, and immediately. He feels Shizuo's blood drying on his skin.
"Because I don't trust you not to vanish if I leave!"
"This is rich. You're always telling me to go, and now you don't want me to because of some mark. I knew you'd buy into this entire charade like it was fate. It's exactly why I never wanted you to know." Izaya picks his coat up off the floor and drapes it over the back of a chair.
"It is fate. I'm just not happy about it."
Shizuo stands there, crossing his arms and looking furious, still soaking wet and bleeding. Izaya pinches the bridge of his nose. He hasn't had a headache like this since the last time the twins stayed the night at his place.
"Here's a thought. At least go home and smoke and groom and hibernate like other beasts. There's no need to stand there scowling at me like I'm responsible for this."
"I don't like it," Shizuo says, and he doesn't elaborate because of course he doesn't.
"Wonderful input as always, Shizu-chan. Truly you're a scholar, the greatest mind in the world since Hawking's death."
"Stop being an asshole! You're back because you're in trouble, aren't you?" Shizuo asks, glowering like he doesn't like that thought.
"In a manner of speaking," Izaya says.
"Are they strong?"
"Somewhat."
"Alright. Shitty, vague as fuck flea. Fine. Don't leave, and don't die. And also, fuck you." Shizuo slouches and and goes for the door before he pauses. "Wait."
"What now?"
"Give me your number. And it'd better be the real one."
Izaya huffs and takes Shizuo's phone, wincing at the blood on the case as he enters his number. He considers putting a fake one in anyway, but Shizuo will probably call it as soon as Izaya hands it back.
"Good. See ya," is all Shizuo says before he leaves. Izaya doesn't know what makes him madder, that Shizuo trusted him enough to enter a real number, or that he himself didn't even try to enter a fake one.
Furious beyond belief, he picks his phone up and calls his dearest, closest friend.
"Izaya? Are you actually calling me?" Shinra's voice answers.
"Shinra. How's that stab wound of yours?" Izaya asks.
"Oh, wow, are you really worried? It's fine. Celty is even playing nurse! It's so cute. I was tempted to get her an outfit, but she was really against it."
"That's nice. So, you'll never guess who I just saw. Shizu-chan! Can you believe it?"
There's a long pause on the other line.
"Oh. Uh...you're home? You should've said!"
"I like to travel without expectations. Are you sitting down? Are you comfortable?" Izaya asks, moving around the kitchen to brew himself some hot water for tea.
"Um, yes? I'm as comfortable as someone with a stab wound can be. Remember how I'm injured! You wouldn't threaten an injured man, right?" Shinra asks, and Izaya laughs.
"Oh, my dear Shinra. I just want you comfortable while you sit there and listen to all the horrible things I'm going to do to you when I see you again."
Heeeeeeey this is a dying site. We all hear it dying. I post here because I get a lot of random reviews and follows and...if you guys wanna talk to me, my ao3 is a lot more interactive! Also my tumblr name is sachigram. I see all of you! I don't ignore any of you! Much love!
