Ilos stayed millions of light years behind in just one second. With Garrus and Tali at her side Jo drove the mako to the relay and landed them on the Citadel. Suddenly being so far from her ship felt wrong, but she had to hope they would be victorious and reunite within the day.
Saren didn't disappoint. She met him at the console in the Council Chamber. As she spoke to him, she realised his resolve was cracking and she took the opportunity. But…
The image would stay branded into her memory forever. The way he said "Thank you, Shepard" and blew his own brains out. He found his peace, but she… To all the monstrous things she'd done in her life she could now add talking a man into suicide. Just convincing him. Somehow she felt that made her a bigger monster than those she usually hunted.
It was a victory, but it didn't feel quite as good as it should have. At the end of the day Saren turned out to be just another indoctrinated puppet for Sovereign. Were he not indoctrinated, he might not even be so obnoxious. She couldn't hate him now, and couldn't find any satisfaction in his death. The only consolation was that he'd been in charge of his own fate in the end, not a puppet.
However, her solemn mood turned into blind rage the moment Hackett demanded that she make the decision: save the Council or kill the Council. Well, technically Joker was the one asking the question, but Hackett commanded the fleet she was about to throw into battle at her whim.
"GAWD!" she stomped her foot. Garrus and Tali tried to give advice, but she didn't need it.
"Guys, I know what to do. I'm just extremely angry that Hackett made it my choice! Why am I the one to choose? I don't have that kind of authority. I don't command the human fleet. Hackett does. Actually, Joker, patch me through to Hackett's flagship."
"Aye."
"Shepard?" Hackett sounded impatient. "What's it to be?"
"Hackett, I will open the relays now so you can jump in and save the Destiny Ascension, but before I do that, you and I will pause to recognise this moment. You, the Alliance Admiral of the Fifth Fleet, just surrendered your authority to me and acknowledged my command over yours. That about right?"
"Shepard, this is not the time…"
"How dare you!" she snapped. Her insides were burning already at the knowledge of what was about to happen to that fleet. Yet the choice felt right. "How dare you make me choose for you! You command the ships, but you don't want to take the responsibility. Don't think I'm so stupid that I won't recognise what this is about. You want a scapegoat for later to blame all the losses on if this doesn't work out for us. I have witnesses and this conversation is being recorded. You surrendered your command to me, actively putting me above you in the Alliance chain of command. By following my order you will acknowledge this status."
"Don't be melodramatic."
"I'm Commander fucking Shepard, I don't even know what melodramatic is, Hackett. I'm deadly serious. I'm the one who will send you, your people and my own ship into death in a moment. I need you to know that the magnitude of this moment is not lost on me. Now, opening the relays. Save the Council by any means necessary."
"Are you sure this is wise?" Garrus asked her.
"What? Saving the Council?"
"No, talking to your superior like that."
"Here's the fleet," she pointed at the screens. "He acknowledged that I'm his superior now. Hackett and all the admirals need to learn as soon as possible that I'm not a pawn to move around on a chess board. I'm not their puppet that they can make dance to their liking. They want to blame whatever happens out there on me, on my command – I'll take that responsibility. I accept it. But the admirals need to know that I'm keeping a score of all the favours I ever did for them. This is a big one."
"Now you're being melodramatic," Hackett spoke up again, apparently still connected. Jo shrugged:
"One day I'll cash in the chips, Hackett. One day I'll demand what I'm due for all the shit I'm taking for you. Happy hunting."
She disconnected and her team stepped closer.
"Look, Shepard, I'm not an expert in politics, but you just made this Hackett and the entire Alliance brass aware of your importance. People will consider you dangerous," Garrus spoke gently. Tali nodded:
"People don't like dangerous things. They will try to eliminate you if you become too dangerous for them."
"I know," Jo nodded. "If that's my fate, I accept it. I'm a straight up puncher and I have to be true to that. Whatever I feel or think, I say so straight forward. That's the only game I'll play, and however it ends, at least it was my game and I played it on my terms."
It was over. The Council was saved, Saren's husk was dead, Sovereign blew to pieces over their heads and slowly silence was returning to the world. Jo knew she had shrapnel from Sovereign sticking in the back of her thigh, above her knee, but she didn't feel it. She climbed up the debris to find her team, she needed to see them. Garrus and Tali were being treated for injuries, while Anderson and other soldiers were looking through the big pile of what was left from the Council Chamber. When they saw her and she saw them all, it was one of the most orgasmic moments of her life. They'd won. They'd won!
After that everything was a little blurry and hazy and she was being carted off to the hospital to remove the shrapnel, treat her burns and other wounds. Garrus was right there next to her, grinning at her as they set his dislocated shoulder and treated his bullet wounds.
"We did it," she whispered to him in a buzz that wouldn't let her go under, even though the nurse gave her a double dose of drugs.
"Yes, Shepard, we did it!"
Apparently she'd been knocked out eventually, because the next time she awoke, she was dressed in a hospital gown and bandaged all over, in a private room. Wrex was there, pacing up and down the small space between her bed and the door.
"Ever heard of bedside manners?" she grunted at him and he flew to her side, scooping her into an embrace:
"Shepard, how long were you planning to sleep, you lazy ass?"
"If you break me any more bones right now, I'll have to sleep a lot longer!" she protested, but not too much. He wasn't crushing her, he held her carefully enough.
"I'll do you no such favours!"
"Yeah, I taught you too well how to treat humans," she grinned, patting his hump. "How are the others?"
"Fine."
That was when some of those others peaked into the room, saw her awake and streamed in to congratulate her. Liara, Kaidan, Garrus, Tali, Adams, Pressly, everyone. Well, almost everyone. Jo found herself looking over the crowd for the guy she wanted to see most, but he wasn't there. It took her a lot of talking, shaking hands, allowing pictures and giving interviews, until she finally found the dock where her ship was being repaired. She entered through the airlock and looked to her left. All was right then in the world: his hat was visible from behind the seat.
"Joker," she came up to him. He wasn't doing anything much, just watching his console. Which was useless, since the ship was dry-docked. Instead of stopping right behind him, as usual, Jo stepped in front of him and leaned her butt against his console.
"Shepard, how are you feeling?" he asked her then with a small smile. She leaned over and took his hands in hers.
"Good. I'm good. You want that gold medal now?"
"It's still not worth listening to politicians giving speeches. But you got to admit, I was pretty heroic."
"Yes, you were. You were magnificent. You're my hero. I had to fight off the whole crew, hospital staff and a bunch of reporters to come here and tell you that. Why didn't you visit me?"
"I don't do well in crowds, or did you forget? Besides, good things come to those who wait."
She still held his hands.
"I'm a good thing, then?"
"Undisputable."
"You know, you've been working your way up from self-proclaimed best pilot to the real thing since I met you, but after this battle you are officially Shepard-proclaimed best pilot in the world."
"I'm sure there is an insult hidden somewhere in that compliment, Shepard, but I'll take it." He gently pressed her hands with his, looking her straight in the eyes. She saw a kind of green sparkle in them that she never noticed when he was hiding his face under his cap. She should have looked straight in his face more often, she thought. He was beautiful.
Joker's heart was pounding. His Commander stood in front of him, or rather sat on his console, their knees touching, she held his hands like she never planned to let them go, and she looked at him with such a beautiful smile on her face that his head spun. Somewhere behind him the airlock opened, letting in all the crew that she'd ditched on the Citadel, and Joker thought she would step away, let him go, cough awkwardly, hurry to separate from him before others would see. She did no such thing. She kept looking at him, leaned down and pressed her lips against his knuckles. His brain froze.
"We're celebrating at the Flux tonight and I expect you to be there," she whispered.
"Sure, Commander," he whispered back without thinking. Only then did she softly let go of him and turned her gaze to the others, who joined them in the cockpit. All of them stood around him, congratulating each other, patting his shoulder, remarking on his flying, discussing the battle, the coming celebration, sharing the buzz. Joker normally avoided people, but not right now. He'd never felt so good in a crowd.
Flux was packed that night, being one of the few places that escaped destruction. All the other people in the club made some space for the most famous crew after yesterday's battle. Joker took a seat quickly, getting out of the way, and took in his surroundings. Turians, salarians, asari, krogan – everybody looked at humans a little differently today. The sacrifice of all those ships and lives to save the Council had raised humanity in the galactic estimation. And Shepard was now the most famous human in the world. Joker just laughed at that. Famous or not, he knew more about her than any of those people ever could. That gave him the greatest satisfaction.
A little later into the evening – all right, a lot later – people were starting to get really drunk and a big celebration dissolved into a number of smaller groups. Joker, who'd stuck to beer, personally watched Shepard drink both Garrus and Adams under the table, work her dancing magic (which cleared the dance floor around her within seconds), bump heads with Wrex in some kind of krogan drinking game, laugh at something with Chakwas and Tali and completely ignore Alenko. When she finally sat down next to him, the rest of the crew was already in some way indisposed: drunk, passed out, making out with waitresses or gone to sleep. He was the only more or less sober one.
"Hi, there," she said with a big, exhausted smile. "Not drinking much, are you?"
"Uh, yeah, Commander, I can't afford getting any wobblier on my feet," he shrugged.
"I'll carry you, if you want," she offered with a nudge to his shoulder. He gave her a cheeky look:
"You're not as drunk as you pretend to be, are you?"
"Don't tell anyone, it's my little secret," she said. "I have a really high tolerance."
"How come?"
"Don't know. Maybe because my parents were junkies and they pumped me full of some stuff before I was even born, so now I'm genetically immune to poisons?"
He blinked:
"Shepard, that's… I didn't…"
"It's the truth," she shrugged. It startled him how easily she was talking about such things. "So tell me," she turned fully to him. "From your face all night long I gather this is not exactly your idea of a good time. What would you do to celebrate?"
He paused. No one – literally no one – had ever asked him that. Parties were not really his thing. Every one of his birthdays as a kid were arranged by his mother who'd wanted him to have a chance at being normal, so they were regular parties with cakes, neighbour kids and awkward moments with his crutches. Then in flight school parties became all about the amount of alcohol people could consume and shaking their bodies in a way he couldn't. And now – now it was all about drowning their worries and sorrow. He tried to accommodate as much as he could, which wasn't much. He hadn't left this chair all night and had to keep people from stumbling over his crutches in the corner. Shepard was looking at him with interest, so for the first time ever he gave a thought to what he'd like to do. It wasn't easy.
"I… I'd go swimming," he said. It was true, too. Water was the one element where his brittle bones didn't matter and he could be on the same level with everyone. Better, actually, because he was a good swimmer.
"Skinny dipping?" Shepard grinned widely and suddenly Joker felt his cheeks turn red.
"Not with the whole crew, but, you know, on the right occasion – why not? Of course, alcohol and swimming don't do well together."
"Hey, alcohol isn't a prerequisite for a good time," she said and he looked at her almost scandalised.
"Uh-" he spread his hands, pointing at where they were, at all the drunk people and at her. "Seems to be to you, isn't it?"
"I'll tell you a secret," she leaned closer, her cheek almost brushing his. "I'm the Commander. Whatever I do has first and foremost to do with keeping my crew's morale up."
He leaned back a little to search her face for the truth.
"So… you don't really… like it here?"
"Oh, I like it just fine, it's a nice way to relieve tension and all that."
"But… what would you do to have a good time if you had a choice?" He asked her what she'd asked him before.
"I'd… I'd go see something. Like a regular tourist. Sights. Famous ruins, or something. A museum. Maybe not a regular museum, something unusual…"
"Like?"
"A gardening exhibition."
He gave her a look.
"A gardening exhibition? Commander Shepard – at a gardening exhibition. I don't know what to say."
"Hey, if I hadn't become a ruthless murderer, I could have been a great gardener!" She nudged his shoulder again with something like nervousness and he realised that by telling him this she had probably opened her soul to him more than ever before.
"Tell you what," he said, patting her hands. "I'll help you save the galaxy from the Reapers and when it's over, you'll show me what kind of garden you'd plant."
"Deal." She looked around and sighed: "Back to commanding. I need to make sure these guys all get home safely."
"I'm guessing you're on your own with Wrex," he pointed at the corner where their favourite krogan fell asleep with a bottle of ryncol in his hand.
"Imagine how much it'll wound his pride tomorrow when I tell him how one little blond girl carried him all the way to his sleeping pod," Shepard got up with a tired sigh. He watched her move around, gently getting people to move back to the Normandy and help their mates, he watched her call cabs for those who couldn't move, arrange them gently, almost lovingly. She was a great Commander. She whipped them into obedience like a slave driver in battle, but took care of them like a mother when they relaxed. Except… who was taking care of her when she relaxed? If what she said earlier about acting primarily for the sake of the crew's morale was true, Joker realised that Shepard probably never allowed herself to relax. Well, except around him.
Next morning Jo was out of her bandages, receiving the Council's gratitude.
"I acted the way my conscience dictated. There is nothing heroic about that. If you really want to reward me, then take care of the families of those soldiers lost in battle."
"That is being done without your reminder, Shepard," the turian said, but today there was no venom in his voice. The Councillors expressed their shared grief over the human losses in the battle and pointed out that such sacrifice earned humanity a seat on the Council. Udina was about to step in and take Jo's victory for himself again, but this time the Council spoke to her directly and asked for her personal opinion. Jo suggested Anderson as the first human Councillor, a man of honour, valour, integrity, without political ambition and with a fresh eye on the situation.
"I think it's an inspired choice. The Council will welcome him with open arms, should he accept," the asari said. Anderson accepted, thank heavens. Jo couldn't even imagine what would happen if Udina got the spot.
"Sovereign was only a vanguard," she said. "Hundreds, maybe thousands more are on their way. We need to prepare. Do something about them."
"Commander, you earned the right to choose your own assignments, so if you wish to make this your priority, you are free to do so."
"Can I count on the Council's support in this matter?"
"As much as we can give, considering the extent of destruction Sovereign brought, and depending on the proof you bring."
"I understand." Her heart fell. Of course. They still didn't believe her about the Reapers. She did understand what they were trying to tell her. They would keep her as a Spectre, but they would not believe her crazy ideas about some ancient machine race that was about to kill them all. Apparently, humanity hadn't risen quite that far up just yet.
She would have to fight two wars at once, it seemed. One against the Reapers, the other one against her own people, trying to convince them to join her. The whole world against Johanna Shepard? The odds seemed more than impossible, chance of success laughably low. Resources nonexistent. A perfect job for the N7 Lieutenant Commander Shepard?
After the Council meeting she met Udina, Hackett and Anderson at the embassies. Finally, the four of them together in a room.
"Want to talk about what happened up there?" She asked Hackett. She had to give him real credit here: his game face was impeccable, he didn't even frown.
"There is nothing to talk about. We won, that is all that matters."
"Oh, no. You made me make a decision that was yours to make. As I told you, by following my command to save the Council you placed my authority over your own in the Alliance chain of command."
"As a Spectre you do have a lot of authority," Udina cut in. "You acted as a Spectre and the human fleet followed your recommendation in battle, acknowledging your superior understanding of the enemy forces."
"Oh, now you find it convenient to see me as a Spectre rather than a human Alliance officer?"
"Commander, what is your point?" Hackett sounded gruff.
"Just help me understand the order of things," she demanded. "From the second I became a Spectre you all kept reminding me that I'm still human. I still have no idea why such a reminder would be necessary other than to guilt me into doing you favours when it's not my duty anymore. How does it work? Who do I answer to? Who answers to me? I can't do my job if I don't know the system I'm working within."
"You're a Spectre, but first and foremost you're an Alliance officer, Shepard."
"Yeah, see, that doesn't work for me. I can't bow to two masters at once. Make a choice right here and now: am I a Spectre or do you want me back in the Alliance?"
The three men exchanged glances. Now that humanity was on the Council Jo knew they didn't need her so much as a Spectre anymore. Plus, as Garrus said, she'd made them aware of her importance and they certainly didn't want her out of line. Would they call her back to the Alliance to smack her back in her place?
"You're a Spectre now and as long as you are such, you are not a part of the Alliance command, you don't answer to us," Hackett said. Jo was a little surprised. Maybe she was already more important as a public figure, the face of humanity, than she realised? "If what you say is true and the Reapers are coming to destroy us all, then you have to do something about them." Of course. They would let her stay a Spectre so that the Alliance wouldn't have any connection to her crazy crusade if it turned out to be bogus, and to let her sacrifice herself for the greater good if she turned out to be right.
"Remember these words, Hackett, when you ask me for another favour," she said. Yes, she'd accept these odds. If need be, she would die protecting the galaxy, but she was Shepard. She would always go down fighting.
They continued discussing the Reaper matter, brainstorming any kind of information that could help her on her mission, but Jo could see that these three men had more important things to take care of now. Udina –his pride. Anderson –his new position as the Councillor. Hackett –his fleet. She was on her own now, truly on her own.
"So, Admiral Hackett won't be asking you for any favours anymore?" Joker sounded sarcastic when she returned to the ship. They both knew that nothing would stop the Alliance brass from demanding favours from her.
Techies were helping with the repairs on the Normandy, while everyone else was on shore leave. The CIC was empty save the two of them. Jo sat down on the divider between Joker's seat and the navigator's seat to his left.
"Yeah, when the hell freezes over," she sighed. "It's actually nice when people want something from you. Makes you feel alive, needed. But at least we've clarified this whole chain of command situation."
He gave her a long look.
"You know, you've changed in these months since we met," he said thoughtfully.
"How so?"
"I don't know how else to put it. You became the avatar of the people."
"Is that a compliment?"
"To you – yes. Isn't that what you wanted?"
"Yes. Becoming a Spectre put me where I always wanted to be. Turns out I don't need anything more than what I have right here. I can do some good for other people now."
"So… you're saying that you have everything you've ever wanted right here and now?" He used her chattiness to pump her for information. "Like what?"
"You," she answered without missing a beat, then shifted a little, like her answer surprised her even more than it did him. She added quickly to smooth it over: "My own ship, the best crew, great friends, independence and a goal."
Joker didn't really hear her last words, trying to calm down the hurricane of emotions that rose at her first word. Him. How could she say something like that? And yet he knew better than anyone that Johanna Shepard was above such cruel jokes. Either she'd just said something he couldn't bear to hear, or he was misunderstanding something very simple. Of course, that must be it! He was the best pilot in the world, she said so herself just yesterday, so who else would she want at her helm? That was what her words meant, he could convince himself of that after a while.
From then on it felt like some chapter in their lives ended. Garrus came to her a week later and told her he'd been offered a Spectre training position. She congratulated him and gave him her blessings. When she watched him leave with his bag, she thought with sweet pain in her heart that it was his greatness that was taking him away from her.
Tali came to her soon after to tell her that she needed to return to the Migrant Fleet to complete her Pilgrimage. Jo felt the same about the young quarian leaving as she felt about Garrus. Then Wrex came and said he had some business on his home planet. She sent him on his way with her blessings and with sadness in her heart. She'd found these people, she'd made sure to keep them because they felt like a family, and now the birdies were leaving the nest, leaving her alone. Well, Liara stayed so far. Despite all the confusion about her crush on Jo it was good news that she stayed.
It took almost a month for the ship to be repaired. In that time Jo kept reading reports by other captains, anything that might give her a hint at the Reapers or their plans. Anything that could help her stop them. There was nothing. No wonder nobody wanted to believe her. The galaxy seemed to be in perfect balance. Yes, the Council heeded her request and sent someone to Ilos to interview Vigil, but so far there were no news from that ship. There was one thing Vigil was wrong about, though. In order to defeat the Reapers Jo needed to understand them first. Knowing your enemy was the first requirement in any war. Maybe there was a chance to avoid massacre if an understanding could be reached. Sure, Sovereign had sounded menacing when they spoke on Virmire, but hey, some organics were evil, too, but not all of them. First and foremost Jo needed to know why this was happening. Why kill cycle after cycle? What kind of agenda were they following? But so far there was nothing. When the Normandy was repaired, she gathered the crew and gave the order to go to the Terminus Systems. Officially she would be hunting the remaining geth. Unofficially… The Terminus Systems were still more or less an uncharted territory. If there were clues to find, that would be the place.
