The morning seemed surreal. The whole crew was still somewhat shocked by the events of last night. So was Joker. When he took over the cockpit from Hadley, he was thinking about his own behaviour. It hadn't even occurred to him last night to try and stop Shepard, not even when she asked him about it. He couldn't say that he wished Kelly Chambers dead, not at all. But he hadn't cared to step in and ask Shepard to spare her, either. A part of him liked watching Shepard do stuff like that. Cruel, vicious things. Maybe it was the porcupine in him talking, years of being bullied by everyone around him, years of wishing he could do something about that, something physical. Punch. Kick. Kill. Or maybe he was just that kind of a person. Did that make him bad?

Well, there had been twenty three other people next to him watching the almost-execution and none of them had said a word, even Dr. Chakwas. If he was bad, he was not the only one. Still, he didn't think Shepard would have allowed anyone to question her actions. She'd proven that she was the boss of Kelly Chambers, in the process reminding the entire crew that she was the boss of them all and would tolerate nothing that went against her plan.

It was a little funny how he, given his affinity towards breaking the rules and sticking it to the man, had never been even as much as reprimanded by her.

Joker wondered about Shepard, though. EDI had known what to do, so Shepard must have planned for this all along. Always prepared and always expecting the worst. She hadn't really planned to execute Kelly, which probably made her a better person than anyone else on the ship. She'd put them all to the test in one way or another.

They had the rest of the day to kill before arriving on Illium and Garrus asked Shepard to spar with him. The whole crew assembled in the cargo bay. Even Joker decided to go see it personally. It was either that or watching the security camera feed and listen to the Thing's commentary. Joker knew which he preferred.

Everybody was curious to see their CO and XO spar. Their friendship was the stuff of legends in itself and nobody wanted to miss it. Especially Grunt. Instead of their usual hand to hand sparring, however, Garrus opened a case that arrived for him on the Citadel and presented Shepard with two items.

"What is this?" She asked curiously.

"D'oles, traditional turian weapons," Garrus said, taking the items out of the case. They looked a lot like swords, only their tips were shaped like 1, making them vicious, dangerous hook-like spikes. "These are for you," he handed both of them to Shepard and opened another case to grab his own pair. "There is a code of honour to follow in a d'oles combat. I'd like to teach you."

"I'd be honoured," she bowed her head a little. The whole crew watched them as Garrus proceeded to show Shepard the basic stances and moves. It was clear as day that she already knew several sword fighting techniques from Earth and had the wisdom to both apply the knowledge where needed and to discard that knowledge in order to not mar a turian tradition. As it turned out, turians had a similar way to honour their opponent as humans did: a little bow of their heads.

The show was beautiful. Once Shepard learned the basics, it became a dance of clinking metal and swishing sounds when the blades cut the air. She was more than just a quick study. She had the same serene concentration on her face as Garrus did. To Joker it looked kind of like Shepard had flipped a switch in her head and became a turian. He watched and thought that these multiple personalities-on-demand really made her the citizen of the world, the avatar of all species. One didn't have to wonder why her primary goal was to make everyone in the galaxy work together in peace.

The rest of the crew was amazed. Half of them were convinced that she'd already known how to use these turian weapons, the other half was betting on the Commander's ability to learn fast from her best friend. Joker just watched her move. She wore black sweats and a tight grey tank top with a sporty bra underneath. No shoes. Those sweats made her long legs look even longer and her small feet peaking from under the hems kind of erotic. The tank top rode higher on her belly and showed a stripe of bare, white skin. She was sweating a little and her arms and chest glistened in the bright light. She moved like she was born dancing. Joker realised how rarely he saw her fight without her armour on. She seemed weightless, fluid, a beautiful, white symphony of never ending delight. As he watched her, he lived a lifetime with her, through her. He'd never been able to move much, or at all, always careful of his every step. He should have been envious as he watched another human being in such a harmony with her body, moving like it was as easy as breathing. But he wasn't envious or bitter. He knew he would never be able to have that for himself, but he felt like she was taking him with her, moving with him, for him. It was a lot like when he made the Normandy dance for her. He could take her dancing his way, and she could take him dancing her way.

There was an ache in his chest which he ignored for the time being, but he knew he couldn't ignore it forever.

After three hours they ended the session with the customary bows.

"They are beautiful," Shepard said, finally looking closer at the items she held in her hands.

"Those are the markings of my clan," Garrus pointed at the etchings on both blades. Everyone gathered around to take a better look. Joker saw a pattern that resembled Garrus' facial markings a little. Even he, knowing almost nothing about turian traditions and culture beyond what he'd heard Garrus tell Shepard, could see that she was holding something extraordinary on her hands. "These d'oles are a sort of a family heirloom. As an officer's son I was taught the code of honour bound to d'oles fight early on. When I reached adulthood, my father gave them to me. I want you to have them."

"What?" Shepard gasped. "Garrus, I couldn't…"

"They are mine, Shepard, and I'm free to do with them as I please. You would honour me and my whole clan by accepting them as a gift. And you realise, of course, that refusing them would be a harsh insult?" Garrus added the last bit with a grin. Joker could see a whole range of emotions on Shepard's face as she ran her hand along the flat side of a blade. Then she grabbed Garrus' collar and brought his forehead down against hers:

"If only I had even a single family heirloom, Garrus…"

"I know."

"I swear I'll do everything in my power to make sure that there is a next generation that we can pass these d'oles on to."

"I swear, too," he said.

"So do I," Zaeed nodded, and one after another everyone present joined them in the oath.


Jo took a few hours to rest and check up on Kelly in the med bay. Dr. Chakwas didn't comment on last night in any way and Kelly turned away from her, kind of shrinking in size. Jo doubted she would ever hear a word from the red-head again. After lunch Grunt insisted on sparring with her again. He had no surprises for her in store, like Garrus, but apparently he'd been doing a lot of thinking since their last sparring match. He wasn't bragging or taunting or taking anything for granted. He really did his best. She whopped his ass for over four hours with almost no spectators. After the morning practice people found something more interesting to do with their afternoon. Grunt turned out to be a stubborn, relentless student. Once he accepted that she truly could dismember him in seven seconds, he threw all his energy into learning from her. He had miles to go before he could resemble even an N1, of course, but by the end of that session he knew how to listen to her, how to fight alongside her and not get in her way.

In the evening Jo assembled the whole crew in the mess hall. Even Miranda was brought from her cell and shackled to a chair, and Kelly was escorted from the med bay. Jo declared a vid night, but instead of vids she made everyone watch reports and vid logs from her old missions that involved Cerberus.

Miranda defiantly refused to comment and Kelly simply walked back to the med bay with a blank face when the vids were over. The rest of them were either sickened or in Jack's case righteously angered.

All in all it had been a good day, but Jo knew she still wouldn't be able to fall asleep, even after many hours of physical exertion. She noticed that Joker was still in the cockpit, arguing about something with EDI. She had an idea.

She went to her cabin and lay down on the bed.

"EDI, do not tell anyone about what I'm going to do now," she warned the AI.

"Yes, Commander," EDI said.

Jo logged her omnitool into the comm system and found that it wasn't really hard to hack the feed from the earpieces the crew wore. She directed the audio from Joker's device to go to her own. She could hear his voice now, yet he wasn't aware of it.

"Commander, may I ask why you're doing this?" EDI dared. Jo noticed that EDI was starting to ask questions these days, mostly questions about organic motives.

"To increase the chances of this mission's success," Jo said. It was true, too. If Joker's voice could help her relax and rest, she would be better off as a Commander and the mission would benefit from it.

"I see," EDI said and Jo was grateful that she hadn't asked for specifics. She didn't know if it was for her benefit or if EDI always kept Joker so busy, but the AI made sure he talked a lot that evening.

Next thing Jo knew was that she woke up after three hours of dreamless sleep. She felt better, actually rested and decided it was worth repeating the experiment in the future. It was decidedly too early to try and get him to sleep with her, but she could listen to his voice to relax.


Illium was… interesting. Shepard hadn't given anyone shore leave, she just took Jack and Grunt with her and left. Hence, for the lack of anything better to do, pretty much the entire crew gathered around Joker and his mission control consoles.

"They just won't let her leave the port," he muttered to himself, observing first some official stop the team, then a messenger from the rachni queen, then an old friend Gianna Parasini. He could tell Shepard was glad to see the spunky woman and really happy to hear good news from her "pet". Joker didn't know why the rest of the crew found it so fascinating to watch the Commander shopping, talking to people, walking around looking at sights. Still, they stayed. Liara's appearance on Illium was a little surprising, since Joker hadn't bothered to stay in touch with any survivors from the first Normandy's crash, except with Dr. Chakwas. The little bookworm had become an information broker? Frankly, Joker didn't like her sounding like her mother when she threatened to flay someone with her mind, but then all of them had changed in some way or another. Only a couple weeks ago he was angry, bitter and disillusioned himself.

Shepard took the hint: Liara couldn't speak freely of her problems in her office, so she just took off on her own business. Which turned out to be blond, annoying and wearing a crappy, painted piece of N7 armour. People around him were interested in the history between Shepard and Verner and Garrus indulged them with a story. In the meantime Shepard took time to deal with the bitch who hired Verner, and then she shot Conrad in the foot. She'd taken real offence to him wearing the white-red stripes. She pinned the man down and personally scratched the N7 sign off his chest with her hunting knife. Then she actually stopped around some corner to listen to a volus customer at a store. She was not the only one shaking when his speech rose to the words:

"Do you have anything flashier? I want something that says "I own this room, I own you"."

Everybody was rolling on their backs, holding their bellies at that point.

Then there was the green asari from Zhu's Hope who asked Shepard to help and she agreed. A few moments later she was consoling a crying alien-hater in her arms despite some particularly harsh words thrown at her.

"How does she do that?" Gabby asked.

"What?"

"People just throw themselves at her one way or another. How does she decide whom to help, whom to threaten with a gun, whom to shoot in the foot or even in the head?"

"Nobody knows," Joker shrugged. "That's a thought process that makes her Shepard and so far it seems to be working."

"You realise, guys, that I can hear you all in my earpiece?" Shepard said.

"Sorry, Commander," Gabby smiled apologetically.

Then, in some dark alley, a flying asari body hit the wall right next to Shepard. She didn't flinch, just nodded, impressed. A moment later another body hit the floor and the infamous justicar who did the throwing floated along, asking the injured merc questions. Shepard stopped to observe the interrogation.

"Oh, my," she whispered when Samara finally killed her victim. "I think I'm in love."

"I know what you mean, Commander," Joker said, never minding the people around him. Those boobies!

No, really, he could see what she meant. Apart from those magnificent boobies Samara was pure grace, wisdom, serenity and death. She was absolute in every way. When she turned her attention to Shepard, they introduced themselves and then the police officer appeared to take Samara into custody, telling her she wouldn't be able to release her in one day.

"You won't be able to stop me," Samara said. There were several people who sucked in a breath, impressed. Shepard was one of them. Those were the words she would have said in the same situation. Those words sent shivers down people's spines.

Then the real action began. As the team stormed the Eclipse HQ, people around Joker got really into it. They were cheering the team on, giving their own advice, talking louder to get heard. The whole thing seemed more and more like watching a biotiball finale in a stadium. Shepard had been in a good mood all day and they enjoyed the freedom she was giving them. Except after a while Joker noticed that her fighting wasn't at her best. Shepard caught a few bullets she shouldn't have, missed her targets several times and her shields were down more often than not.

"People, be quiet, please!" He yelled at everyone around him, but both Zaeed and Jacob were enjoying the fight on the screens too much to stop yelling their advice, and the rest of the people followed their example.

A gunship appeared over a bridge that offered almost no cover and opened fire. Jack got knocked on her ass and Grunt lost his shields right away. Shepard's missile launcher did some damage but she had to lean from her sparse cover to shoot and whoever was on that ship had a wickedly good aim.

"Come on, Shepard, show them!" Zaeed cheered. "You can do better than that!"

Grunt went down and the scans showed that Shepard's shields were gone and her heart rate was climbing, as her blood pressure fell. She ducked deeper and shook her head, dizzy from the last hit she took.

For the first time Joker actually got worried. Before he could yell at people to shut up, she raised her voice into her communicator:

"Everybody in the cockpit, I can fucking hear your every word and you're fucking distracting the fuck out of me! Go and watch on some other console and leave Joker the fuck alone! 'Cause if I die here, I'll come back and haunt your fucking asses to the end of the galaxy!"

A moment's pause preceded the sound of people fleeing the cockpit in silence.

"Shepard, gunship at your seven," Joker said. He wished he could do something, anything at all. But as always all he could do was watch. She used medigel on herself but couldn't get to her companions without leaving her cover. "Careful, it's rising to go over the bridge. Find another cover."

"Yeah," she said and gripped her missile launcher tighter. She only had two missiles left and it didn't look like it would be enough. By far.

"What can I do, Shepard? Should I send Garrus with a team to get you?"

"No. Tell me a joke."

"What?" He almost swallowed his tongue.

"A joke. A bad one, please."

The gunship was over the bridge, shooting at her, and Joker's brain short-circuited. A joke? If that was her order, he would oblige, just because.

"Ok, Shepard, as you wish. A human, a krogan and a salarian walk into a bar…"

When he began the joke, she took a calming breath, leaned from her cover and released both missiles. As they hit, she grabbed her rifle with the incendiary rounds and rolled to another cover. The gunship flew up and away but returned immediately to meet her fire. When the joke was done, Shepard had single-handedly demolished the offending machine.

The explosion was beautiful against the purple sunset. Shepard got medigel to her companions and Joker's heart was still beating like crazy.
"This was too close, Commander," he said. "Really, too close."

"Joker, you have no idea what I'm capable of if you're in my ear," she said quietly, even… gently.

"Whatever works," Garrus spoke up from behind him. Joker finally looked around and found all the spectators gone except for the turian, who had managed to stay quiet.

On the screens Shepard was carefully inspecting a big gash on Jack's head. It wasn't difficult, what with the psychotic biotic's lack of hair.

"Stop fussin' over me, bitch, I'm fine" Jack tried to push Shepard aside, but the Commander simply swatted her hands away.

"I'll be the judge of that."

Both Garrus and Joker looked with interest as Jack agreed to be touched and doctored with a pleased smirk, even though she continued cussing. She liked Shepard's attention, like everybody else.

Minutes later they had the name of the ship Samara wanted, even though the drugged volus had to suffer for Shepard's amusement. When the team returned to the police station, Pitne For asked Shepard to return the shipping manifest she found for a reward. Both Garrus and Joker observed with curiosity. They knew that their financial situation was tight and Shepard was looking for ways to make money, but this would be against her principles. She never aided criminals, especially petty ones. Money or principle?

Principle won and she sent the volus on his way. Joker knew that she'd just sacrificed some upgrade for the ship or the team, but he couldn't help being proud of her. She managed to remain true to herself and to the cause, no matter how much pressure she was under. After they handed in all the intel that they found in the base, Samara dropped on one knee and started glowing.

"By the code, I will serve you, Shepard. Your choices are my choices. Your morals are my morals. Your wishes are my code." The justicar got up and added with a little smile: "If you make me do something extremely dishonourable, I may need to kill you when I'm released from my oath."

If the enigmatic asari thought this a joke, she was in for a surprise, when Shepard stepped closer to her and placed a hand on her own heart:

"I swear to respect your code, your morals and your wishes. If I make you do something dishonourable or act dishonourably myself, I will willingly accept your judgement and punishment."

"Are you sure?" Jack looked a little nervous. "You really shouldn't throw words like that around, Shepard."

"Your companion is not wrong," Samara said. "Not many people would dare to make such an oath to a justicar. You surprise me."

"And you impress me," Shepard said. A smile sizzled between the two women and Joker suddenly became very aware that only one of them was an actual woman. The asari, when they liked someone, didn't let the gender question stop them. And Samara clearly… appreciated Shepard. Damn those boobies, he thought.

Illium really was pretty strange. Liara seemed more than just angry at the Shadow Broker. Malevolence dripped from her every word. She talked in circles for a while, and then she dropped the bomb.

"Did Cerberus ever tell you how they recovered your body? I gave it to them. I gave you to them because they said they could rebuild you. And to do that I had to take your corpse from the Shadow Broker, who was going to sell you to the Collectors."

Joker bit his lip. He hadn't known. He'd just assumed that Cerberus had contacts to procure even the most unusual things. He never would have dreamed that the young, bookwormish, wide-eyed Liara had gotten mixed up in something like this.

His own reaction to the news suddenly lost all meaning, when he saw through Grunt's feed from the side how Shepard's face changed. From concerned confusion to complete and utter blank emptiness.

A cold shiver ran down his spine. Udina got a glance like that once – a black spot of sorts. And now Liara. Udina may have hoped to escape his just deserts when she died, but she was back now and that tab was still open. So, Liara, an old friend from the past, had just received her own black spot.

Even though Shepard learned all she needed to find the assassin and she had information Cerberus wanted her to pass on to the young asari, she returned to the Normandy immediately after that confession. She stopped at her console in the CIC and froze, thinking.

Joker was curious about what was happening to Shepard. He got out of his chair and went to her instead of waiting for her to come to him.

"Care to tell me what's going on?" he asked her quietly, leaning his hip against the consoles.

"Liara gave my body to Cerberus. I can never look at her the same way again. She told me that asari took a philosophical approach to their alien friends' short lives. And now I find out she's the one who couldn't deal with losing me? But that aside, she is so damn angry… Like I was when I woke up on the Cerberus table. I thought I'd flay someone with my mind, too. I looked at her today and I got scared. I may never become the same Commander Shepard you knew from the old days, I'll always be called by the darkness, but I do not want to be consumed by it, like Liara. That is not me."

"Glad to hear it, Commander. Just don't stop doing badass things, you're awesome when you intimidate people, or, you know, shoot them just because they're there."

"Yeah, don't worry. I'll be your evil hero." She tilted her head and gave him a very unusual look. "Say, Joker, isn't it past the time you started calling me Jo, like all my friends do?"

A breath caught in his chest. He'd never called her that. Not even Johanna, not consciously anyway. Why would she… The implications… A red flag rose in his brain: avoid intimacy with the Commander. Her casual nickname was beyond intimate. His protective instincts kicked in:

"And why would I want to do that, Commander?" He tried for a joke and told himself that the disappointment in her eyes meant nothing. Why would it mean anything?

He returned to his station to do his job, though his heart was beating somewhere near his Adam's apple, but he had no time to really think about what just happened.

"I think I'm in love all over again," Shepard was whispering, as she stared after a krogan who caught her at the airlock to thank her for forwarding some incriminating message to his employer. "He was more polite and pleasant than a Buddhist monk!"

"You like polite krogans?" Grunt asked with suspicion.

"Do you?" Joker spoke up.

"Hell no," Shepard laughed. "If I did, neither of you would be anywhere near my ship. It's just the surprise, the unexpected, that gets me worked up. Anyway, moving on."

As the team was working its way up the Dantius towers, Joker could see something had changed in her whole body language, energy and air since he spoke to her an hour ago.

"She looks good out there," Garrus said from behind him. Joker jumped:

"Geez, warn a fella, would you?"

"Warning. Anyway, she seems efficient and extremely deadly again. No bullshit, no distractions. Dead aim, better than ever. Did she get over the whole fury and carnage thing and got back to being our normal Shepard from the old days?"

"Ha fucking ha. She seemed determined not to let her anger consume her after she spoke to Liara, so it's possible."

"Is she back? I mean, she'll always remain troubled, but is she back in the game?"

"Garrus, you're the ultra tough warrior. You tell me what you see."

"I'm seeing it. Just don't dare to believe."

They were interrupted by a conversation she was having with some merc:

"You have two ways down: express or coach."

"I've got nothing to say to you. If you shoot me- AAAAAAAAAH!" The glass broke and Shepard's camera tilted out of the building to look after the falling body:

"How about Goodbye?" She said after him, shrugged and turned back to the others.

"Damn, Shepard, I should take notes from you!" Jack was impressed. Of course.

Garrus and Joker exchanged a glance.

"That was hot," Joker said.

"Tell me about it," Garrus nodded.

"Oh my. Now I'm really in love," Shepard breathed out, as she watched their assassin fold his hands and silently pray over Nassana's dead body. The sunrise was framing him in the most magnificent way. Joker realised that they'd all been awake for a whole day and night – Shepard running around killing people, he monitoring the team from the cockpit. Was it tiredness that made Shepard confess love randomly all day long? Or was there something in these aliens that really attracted her? He didn't want to think about it, but think about it he did, as he got the order to set course for Haestorm. A message from the Illusive Man just arrived, telling them that Tali was there.

It was late morning when the ship was on its way and Hadley took over from Joker. Shepard had seen to their new guests' quarters, then went to talk to Samara and ended up in a meditation with her. She was still there when Joker went to his bunk to catch a few hours of sleep. The two women sat on the floor, facing each other, eyes closed, faces relaxed. Was he seeing the beginning of some real attraction there?

He remembered how Shepard told him once she wasn't interested in asari in a sexual way. Well, maybe things changed. Maybe she found a sort of kindred spirit in Samara. Maybe the asari could give her some peace of mind she needed in those sleepless nights of hers. Maybe she was better off with Samara, even if the thought made him want to go kill someone.

And maybe he should stop thinking about it.