The ship got a new kind of atmosphere after Illium. Each of the two new team members brought a great deal of peace and serenity into the game and Joker saw the Commander spend countless hours talking or just being silent with either of them. They rescued Tali and he was glad to see another friendly face (helmet, whatever) on the ship, as Shepard started taking them on missions all over the galaxy to collect money, help people who kept writing her emails, gather resources and take care of some Cerberus problems. Those Cerberus missions for some reason always ended up being another crazy inhumane experiment gone awry and Shepard made them watch the vids afterwards, to show the crew the reality of their former employer.

Well, Joker personally didn't need convincing that Cerberus was evil, he'd already known that. He did his job: flew the ship and monitored the ground missions. But in-between missions he was once again the guy with the access to the security footage, so he observed the only person worth spying on.

Mordin told her one day about what he was really working on during his STG time and Shepard told him what she thought about that. The salarian was defending himself and his work, but Joker could see that Shepard's righteous anger shook his foundations. Joker considered himself a third party, unbiased. Which side would he take, if he was forced to choose? Humans didn't really know anything about the Krogan Rebellions. An army of blood-crazy krogans was not something he wanted to face. To every problem there was the solution, and since they were all intelligent species, why couldn't the evolution move up to the next level? Why couldn't the survival of the fittest be determined by which species could neuter the others? This way the most intelligent, adaptable and progressive species would survive. Did the future need more krogans or more salarians and turians?

If Shepard had been active during the Rebellions – what would her solution have been? Would she condemn the genophage like she did today? Would she do what N7s were made to do: whatever was necessary to win? Something told him that Shepard being Shepard, she would have marched on foot into the Krogan camp, challenged their leader to a fight to the death, won it but spared the leader's life, then impressed the krogans so much with her personality that they ended up purring like little kitten and rub their heads against her knees. That was his Shepard.

Jacob was awkwardly trying to flirt with the Commander, which Joker found incredibly amusing. He was the most unlikely candidate to catch Shepard's eye, that was for sure. How could a guy say to her face that he doubted some of her actions as much as he doubted Cerberus and then hope to get in her panties? A man doubted Commander Shepard only once.

Kelly spent three days in the med bay after her near-execution and then refused to show up for work in the CIC. Maybe it had something to do with the nightmares that Shepard's presence was giving her (the girl cried in her sleep a few times in the dorm and everyone knew that), or maybe it was the looks the rest of the crew were throwing at her. By betraying Shepard she'd become an outcast and nobody really wanted to associate with her, except Gardner, who took pity on the girl. Kelly ended up helping him, thus changing her own position on the ship. Shepard never said a word about that. She never needed a yeoman in the first place.

Jack on the other hand was becoming less of an outcast and more of a people person. Shepard included her in all activities like there was no question about her adequacy (which probably made Shepard the only person who thought so on the ship, but well…) and Jack seemed to open up like a blooming flower. She turned out to have a wicked sense of humour and a very unexpected appreciation for poetry.

Zaeed, Garrus and Grunt spent days in the cargo bay, training together. Those three had a lot in common: explosives. Joker dubbed them their resident boy band. They did not welcome biotics because Garrus adopted Shepard's view on them and the others accepted his leadership. Jacob remained on the sidelines.

There was also a girl-faction in the making. Kasumi, Tali, Gabby, Dr. Chakwas, Sarah Patel, Jenny Goldstein and even Jack would spend a lot of time in Kasumi's room, mixing drinks, talking, educating EDI on the men's wicked ways, discussing vids, fashion, all the things Joker had only a vague idea about. He'd been 16 when his little sister was born and already on the first Normandy when Gunny came into her teenage years. He knew little about what was in a girl's head or heart.

Shepard was not in the girl-faction. She was too much of a guy at heart. She was such a strange creature, really. With her unusual blond hair, her almost classic beauty, her killer of a body, her air of unshakable confidence and her predatory ways she should have been the leader of the girl-gang. But then there was her sense of fashion that tolerated only the colours white, black, and different shades of grey. When she went shopping for civilian clothes, she ended up with cargo pants, tank tops and hoodies. There was the fact that she never said a word about "men's wicked ways". Oh, she shared some stories about her private life here and there, but she cautiously expressed no judgement. She'd shocked the whole crew once when she told Jack that the younger woman couldn't know what 'tough' was unless she'd fucked a krogan.

"Have you?" Jack asked.

"Yes, once," Shepard said. It wasn't Wrex, she explained after people started questioning her about it, but never said who it actually was. Joker knew his Commander was not a typical girl, and on some level he could imagine that her upbringing on the streets of Vancouver in a gang weren't exactly the right milieu for a girly girl. Still, her classic almost-Marilyn-Monroe beauty stood in harsh contrast with her behaviour. And those little bits and pieces of information she sometimes dropped, like having slept with a krogan, really drove him insane. He realised that no matter how much he tried, he still knew very little about her. Her reply to that was:

"Stick around, Joker, and one day I just might tell you everything."

He'd heard that from her two years ago already and the phrase was starting to become familiar.

She was trying to get him hooked.

It worked, damnit.

They were on their way to take care of Zaeed's private request to help him with an old 'friend'. That day was lazy and Joker had nothing else to do but watch Shepard and Thane in the cargo bay on his monitors. Shepard had asked the assassin to train her in his ways a few days ago and now they were spending a lot of time down there. Joker was proud of Shepard's eagerness to learn everything she could about the drell. She kept asking him about his species, his history, homeworld, everything. What she didn't ask him about was his profession. Her face told him that she didn't have to. She already knew. After all, he'd been trained as an assassin, and so was she, only it was called differently. She still eagerly soaked up everything he could teach her about fighting. One day, Joker thought, he would ask her how many fighting techniques she knew. Under Thane's watchful eye she was learning the opposite of her usual style: instead of bludgeoning through the front gates he taught her the stealthy dance that was both spiritual and sensual in the way they moved around the cargo bay.

That was when Garrus came up to the cockpit and stopped, watching what Joker was watching.

"Is this how you guys felt the day I, Wrex and Tali first appeared on the original Normandy?" The turian asked softly. Joker turned his head to see what he meant. "I mean, the Commander got a brand new alien friend she wants to know all about and the old friends remain just that – old friends?"

"The term we used was 'alien pet', but in general: yes, pretty much," Joker shrugged. "Don't worry, you're still her very best friend."

"And where does that leave you?"

Now Joker really turned his chair to face the turian.

"Meaning?"

"You're the oldest of her friends on the ship. A little jealous?"

"No," Joker lied. He really had nothing to complain about. Shepard came to the cockpit very often to sit around, read or write emails, or even just relax in silence. Why would he be jealous of some other guy who had her all to himself in the cargo bay right now?


Jo, Zaeed and Jack were pursuing Vido Santiago across the burning facility. Zaeed had been a perfect squad mate right up until this mission. Suddenly he turned crazy-bloodthirsty-reckless and Jo didn't know how much she could really rely on him right now. The refinery was about to blow and suddenly a man shouted from the balcony above them:

"Help! We're trapped!"

"No time," Zaeed said firmly. "Vido's probably half-way to the shuttle docks by now."

"You're willing to watch these people die?" She asked.

"Damn right I am. We stop to help and Vido gets away. If he gets away, I'm blaming you."

Jo could have slugged him to make him obey her orders and help the refinery workers. She could have ignored them and followed Zaeed. Was this the day she was being heartless or over-the-top charitable? And did she really have only two choices?

She looked at Jack. The young biotic scowled at her in her usual way.

"Jack, you stay and help the workers. Zaeed's off to kill Santiago and I'm off to see that he doesn't do anything else incredibly stupid."

"Why? I'm not the girl to help, Shepard," Jack protested. "I'm more of a kill-'em-all girl. I'll go with Zaeed."

"Maybe it's time you stepped up and became more than what you settled for," Jo smiled in a way that she knew was getting under Jack's skin. "You are just the girl to help. Zaeed is my burden today."

Jack looked like Jo slapped her. She glanced at the scared man on the balcony, then at her own feet.

"What am I supposed to do with them anyway?"

"You're the strongest human biotic in the galaxy. Levitate them all down here, if you have to, and take the route back to the main gate. We have no time, we'll meet you outside. And Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't let anyone die on your watch. You're responsible."

Jo knew the right words to use. Jack didn't want to be responsible for anyone else but herself all her life. She wore her aloofness like Jo wore her N7 badge. Being forced into saving someone instead of killing and being responsible for someone's survival could show Jack a little glimpse of the other side. The side without anger.

Zaeed spared Jo no glance as he charged after Santiago, caught up with him and let him explode in a pool of fuel. When his revenge was exacted, Jo finally grabbed him by the collar and backed him forcefully into a wall:

"If you ever again leave innocent people to their death to pursue your vendetta, you're not worthy of being a part of my team, you're not worthy of anything other than dying like a miserable dog with nothing in his life but old regrets. Do you want to spend fifty more years filled with hatred somewhere in a tiny, filthy bar on a backwater colony where nobody knows who you are, nobody cares for your stories, nobody needs a hired gun? You'll be old, cold, desperate for anything at all to fill the emptiness in your soul that is eating you alive. Is that what you want?"

"Shepard, I've seen things you have no idea about. You're just a little girl compared to me. You have no idea what real hatred is."

"I may be young, Zaeed, but I spent years living outside the system, I was a criminal, the vermin under 'real' people's feet. I hated and I still hate with the power of a supernova. Don't tell me I don't know what hatred does to people. But unlike you I know what can fill the emptiness in my soul and I'm taking it wherever and however I can. Nothing, no kill or revenge can ever give you any real satisfaction."

Zaeed remained unconvinced up until the moment they met up with Jack. She had gotten thirty six people out, who now stood like lost little sheep around her, lamenting the loss of their jobs and property, but thanking Jack for saving their lives. Their honesty and innocent gratitude moved the young woman so much that she blushed. For the first time she wasn't cursing or slapping away hands that wanted to touch her. The workers shook her hands and patted her on her arms and shoulders, thanking her from the heart.

"If you still don't see what I see," Jo whispered to Zaeed, watching Jack as they waited for their pick-up shuttle. "Then even I can't really help you anymore."


Something was bothering Joker and he didn't know what. Everything annoyed him. Chatty girls in the dorm after lights-out, the Thing and her teasing, someone always eating his dessert before he could get it, everything. It bothered him that everyone and their uncle were dropping their issues on Shepard's head. Was there nobody in the world who could solve their own problems? Crew members were coming to Shepard and asking her to help them with some last request before the suicide mission, while Cerberus and even the Alliance brass kept sending her messages about more and more things they needed her to do. He also knew that she was spending a lot of time with all the new team members. He could see the connection between her and Thane grow deeper and deeper. No, she wasn't telling the drell anything real about herself or her past. Their conversations revolved around spiritual topics Joker didn't really bother to understand. All he could see were her rosy cheeks and sparkling eyes every time she left Life Support. All he knew was that she was working her magic on people during missions and the whole crew was half in love with her now. They breathed her, thought and talked about her, sought her company and conversation. Just like on the first Normandy.

And he didn't like that.

He was taking it out on her. He started being snappy whenever she came around. What, she couldn't find any other new, exciting crew members to obsess about and got bored enough to come and see his old, boring self? What could he possibly offer her except for sarcasm, when her alien friends brought amazing stories, wicked killing techniques, family heirlooms and camaraderie forged in battle, blood and sweat? He had never been one of them, never would be and didn't want to be. She could stick her charitable friendliness towards the cripple up her sweet, sweet ass.

Samara told Shepard that her daughter could be found on Omega and of course the Commander dropped everything to go help the justicar. She was just that kind of a person and Joker knew that the world was taking advantage of that. He cringed when Samara insisted Shepard go into the beast's den alone, unarmed and utterly vulnerable. He'd been angry with Samara all the while he observed Shepard cruise the lounge and make herself noticed, but when she ended up in Morinth's apartment, pinned down on her couch, Joker hated Shepard for agreeing to this, for putting herself in this danger needlessly. What was she thinking? Was she still trying to find a way to die, like she told him she would when Cerberus resurrected her?

If she was, he didn't want to have anything to do with it. Or with her. He couldn't survive another heartbreak and he was royally pissed that she was still so detached from the world.


„Come here too often?" Joker asked her slightly sarcastically when Jo sat down in the co-pilot seat after Omega. She'd broken Morinth's spell against all expectations and helped Samara kill the young asari, but she knew she would never speak of this mission again to anyone. Helping a friend kill her own daughter because she was a ruthless murderer would never be on Jo's list of heroic deeds.

"Am I disturbing you?" She asked. What she wanted right now was a little support from the man who knew her better than anyone, who must have known how difficult the mission had been on her nerves, who could always make her feel better by just being there for her.

"No, of course not, it's just whenever I look around, you're here, and I started to wonder if you're keeping a special eye on me."

"The Commander spends thirty six percent of her working day here," EDI butted in.

"Exactly," Joker observed her out of the corner of his eye. "Am I under surveillance?"

"Miranda is under surveillance, so are Jacob and Kelli. I just come here because I like watching you work. It's art."

Joker puffed slightly at the compliment, but muttered under his breath:
"Yeah, and I have my boss constantly breathing down my neck…"

He was in a bad mood, she realised. Had something happened?

"If you want to watch porn, do it, I'm not stopping you," she poked him, trying to lighten things up. Only a week ago she caught him watching porn at his station and couldn't resist a little teasing. He became blotchy red:

"Let's forget about that, okay?"

"Whatever you say."

He ignored her and spoke to EDI about calibrations instead. It really turned Jo on when he spoke tech. Coming here was becoming more and more difficult every day. Sometimes her hand would linger on his crooked shoulder too long, sometimes she would melt at the way he took off his cap, ran a hand through his hair and put the cap back on. She would often fall asleep in her cabin while hacked into his earpiece, but sadness would eat away at her. She wanted him to talk to her, not to EDI. She wanted to be there in her bed, waiting for him to finish his work and come join her. She wanted to run her hands under his shirt, see if he had hair on his chest. She wanted his stubble to tickle and rub raw her hardened nipples. Oh, how she wanted to wear his cap while he moved inside her…

Why wasn't she pursuing him? Was she going to wait forever? She was in love with him – her speeding heart and sweaty palms every morning before entering the CIC would have been indication enough, even if she wasn't hanging on to his every word, wasn't sensitive to his every mood, or didn't want to move planets and stars to coax a little smile from him. With the galaxy going crazy outside, her whole world became one man. One moody, boyish, bitter, loyal asshole.

Would their friendship be destroyed if he didn't feel like she did? Would he request to leave the ship?

Yeah, right, where would Joker ever go without his Shepard? She was being ridiculous. She knew he loved her deep inside. She had never been so bashful about a guy and that made Joker one of a kind. It was like plunging into cold water. Do it. Just do it.

"Actually," she found her mouth saying before she could stop it. "There is a reason I keep coming here all the time."

Joker kind of froze. Without looking at her, he asked very carefully:

"Oh?"

"What's your favourite place on the Citadel? Or, you know, any other place where you'd go on shore leave?"

"Is that the reason?"

"No, just asking."

"I do like Afterlife, it's so easy to get lost there among all those people…"

"And all the half-naked dancers…" She added with a devilish grin.

"Well, there is that, too, plus we're barely ten minutes away from the asteroid. So, what's the reason?"

"I think I'm going to give everyone a day of shore leave. Would you come with me to Afterlife for a few drinks and a little chat?"

"Who else are you inviting?"

"No one."

"So… Just you and me in a dingy nightclub?" He finally stole a glance at her.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"If you want to know why I keep breathing down your neck, meet me there."

"Fine," he said almost angrily.


She left the cockpit after sending a message to all crew members that they were returning to Omega for ten hours of shore leave, and even though Joker liked the idea of some downtime after several difficult missions, he was still angry. Was that because Shepard had invited him to a club for drinks? Was it because she'd only invited him? What was her damage, anyway? Some kind of a secret reason why she kept coming to sit and read next to him? Was he supposed to be intrigued?

Well, he was. And that annoyed him. He'd barely taught himself to see her as Commander Shepard, his CO, Spectre, captain, hero. What was her deal, inviting him for drinks? He didn't like Afterlife all that much. Citadel clubs were much cleaner; or rather the dancers were much cleaner. And the surroundings by far not as hostile, better for relaxing after seeing a lot of hostility on the missions.

But fine, whatever. She wanted to tell him some secret? He'd go and listen and get it over with.

"Your stress level has increased, Mr. Moreau," EDI said.

"Be quiet," he grunted and punched the docking commands in angrily.