The way to Tuchanka took them a while, since Shepard had him stop the ship in several solar systems to mine for resources. Everyone stayed away from Grunt these days, except (obviously) Shepard. Joker kept checking the com system over and over but no other hacking attempts had been made. So, for the lack of anything better to do, he hacked the Commander's personal account and read her emails. He found an old message from Alenko, dated only a day or two after they'd seen him on Horizon. It sounded like he was writing to the most important woman in his life, while Joker knew exactly that she was not interested, that there was nothing between those two.

Also, he found a message from Hackett, dated the very first day Shepard took over this new Normandy. In it the Admiral asked her to check out Alchera and the first Normandy's crash site, collect the dog tags and erect a monument. What first disturbed him was that in the two years of her absence nobody in the whole Alliance had bothered to go there and collect the dog tags, and now Shepard was supposed to go to the place where she died and perform some overrated duty. What disturbed him after a slightly longer consideration was that the message was marked as read, the location was not on the galaxy map and that Shepard never mentioned such a request to anyone. She never mentioned any intention to go to Alchera, either.

He shouldn't be surprised. He didn't want to go to the place and open all the old wounds. He could only imagine how unsettling such a quest would be for her. He'd made his peace with what had happened there when he finally accepted that Shepard was back alive. He couldn't tell if she had made her peace with it, though.

He never mentioned to her that he'd discovered her hacking attempt on his earpiece, and she never brought it up, either. But as they travelled across the galaxy, Shepard started coming to sit next to him again. She'd stayed away at first after their… meeting on Omega, but she was back now. Most of the time she said nothing, just sat there and read her books.


Tuchanka. It turned out to be exactly what everyone had envisioned: a dump. Jo was a little amused, taking Mordin and Grunt with her groundside. A salarian on the krogan homeworld? She hoped the scientist had a really thick hide. She didn't know what to expect from the harsh planet and its harsh people. She'd been close with Wrex, but was there even a slight chance of finding him in this godforsaken place?

Then some guard tried to stop her from seeing the Urdnot clan leader, telling her she had to be summoned. And suddenly her world turned the right side up.

"Shepard!" Wrex yelled, pushing his guards aside and rushing towards her with a gigantic grin and his arms wide open.

Jo arrived home, as she jumped up and wrapped her arms and legs around the only other male in the whole galaxy she was attracted to. Such a greeting wouldn't go well in the Alliance or anywhere, really, and everyone around them, Mordin and Grunt included, looked at them with surprised disdain, but Jo couldn't care less. All she cared about was that Wrex held her tightly against himself, just the way she taught him human women had to be treated. She felt ten years younger in his arms again, like the girl she used to be when they knew each other two years ago, confident, wholesome. Just like the animal attraction between them demanded, she rubbed her cheek against his and he returned the gesture with a happy purr. She was sure that they were doing something incredibly inappropriate in krogan culture, but she was just happy to see him.

"Shepard," Wrex repeated, slowly placing her back on the ground. He wore new armour and had a few new scars on his face, but most importantly there was something new about his energy that engulfed her like a cloak. He felt younger as well, more energetic, focused, fresh and hopeful. All the things he was not two years ago. Still, he was her very own giant and she loved him insanely.

"Wrex," she breathed, still grinning like a madwoman.

He showed her his new throne and told her about his work as the new Urdnot clan leader. In return she introduced him to her baby. It was almost funny. Wrex was the first real krogan that Grunt came in contact with on a personal level. The "whelp" was so much smaller than the old warrior, his plates not fully formed, his whole body looking softer. Jo stepped back and let the krogans sniff at each other. It was the only way. She chuckled, when Grunt declared:

"I'm pure krogan. You should be in awe."

There was no other krogan purer than Wrex, in her opinion, and Grunt seemed to have forgotten all her lessons in humility. He was pushing it. But he needed that to establish his own position. He was a new entity and had to earn his status in the krogan hierarchy. So she let him. She trusted Wrex to deal with him in the true krogan way. He would know that she wouldn't bring him an unworthy child.

Their business on the planet took them a lot longer than the usual 2-3 hours she would spend on a mission. Or perhaps despite the total destruction of this planet she felt more at home here than she'd ever felt on Earth and didn't really want to leave. She was having a great time head-butting krogans, shooting pyjaks, petting varren, annoying everyone who had anything to say against her, Wrex or Grunt.

She was glad, however, that Wrex and other krogans didn't see what she found in Maelon's facility. She was glad they hadn't heard what Mordin had to say about it, either. Her guts turned upside down as Mordin defended his STG work, she knew that the whole krogan population would descend on her head if anyone learned of this salarian's role in their history. Not even Commander Shepard could win against all krogans at once. She urged Mordin to save Maelon's research. Maybe having it would give the salarian the right idea to continue it. She could feel the pain of the entire species, the pain of the planet, the decay, the desolation. She didn't know what to do about it, but knew she had to do something. Anything.

Jo knew that none of them had seen anything like what happened during Grunt's rite of passage. If Grunt was the one supposed to come of age and deal with his anger, Jo didn't care. She blasted her way through rachni drones and varren, and almost blew the head off the poor Thresher Maw. She and the Maws had their own score to settle. Krogans were impressed.


Joker watched all the head-butting, roaring and snarling going on since Shepard stepped onto that blasted planet and couldn't help but think that in her past life she had probably been a krogan. A very mean and nasty one. She spoke their language and was clearly more comfortable around them than around humans.

After she so spectacularly made shish kabob out of their resident Thresher Maw, the whole clan Urdnot declared a night of celebrations. Shepard allowed anyone who wanted to come down from the ship to join in. Not everyone was so brave, and the ones who did brought their own booze. Joker stayed away and planned to watch the whole thing through her camera feed, but, shockingly, she disconnected. It tensed him. She had left her camera and her earpiece on all the time, even if she was just shopping on the Citadel, and he really suspected that she liked knowing that he watched her. If she disconnected now, there was something going to happen that she didn't want him to know about.


The celebration was going quite well. Nobody bothered her turian, her asari, her drell and her humans. Not after they'd all seen what she'd done to the Thresher Maw and to Gatatog Uvenk. Mordin chose to go back to the ship and stay there. As Grunt was bonding with his new clan brothers, Jo followed Wrex to a small private room in the compound, which wasn't any nicer than the rest of this dump. But there were a few crates to sit on and a lamp.

"You sure you're not drinking?" Wrex rumbled.

"Yes, I am. Alcohol gives me more nightmares than I can handle, so I swore it off."

"Is this the first time you confess that there is something you can't handle?" He nudged her with his shoulder, almost tossing her off the crate. She smiled mirthlessly:

"You and I aren't getting any younger. All that bravado isn't for my old bones anymore."

"What, two years and you became ancient?"

"No, death – and I became disillusioned."

Wrex nodded, opening a new bottle of ryncol.

"And yet here you are, still saving the world, still jumping into every shithole for your crew. You haven't changed all that much."

"But you have," she looked into those red alien eyes with a nod. "You were disillusioned once. Bitter. Resigned. Look at you now, king of Tuchanka, peace maker among krogans, reformer, educator. That is so hot…"

"I had a mind-boggling battlemaster," he winked at her.

"Did you now?" She grinned cheekily.

"You are the only one in my whole lifetime who could stare me down when I was furious. That was so hot, Jo, you have no idea."

"Wrex, why didn't we ever…" She asked half a question and he nudged her again, gently this time.

"It's not too late," he gave her body a long, singeing look. Jo looked straight at him and put a gentle hand on his cheek:

"Except it is, I'm sorry. I can't, I fell in love with someone."

"Don't tell me it's the tank-bred pup," he roared with laughter.

"No, Wrex, you are the only krogan male in my life. Grunt is my baby."

"Too bad for me, then," he winked at her in a very human fashion. "Missed my chance, damn it. Hope that other guy treats you right."

Jo fell silent for a while, looking at her scarred hands.

"Can I tell you something?" She asked.

"Anything."

"I feel closer to you most of the time than to humans. You'll always be there for me, right?"

"I'll always be there for you, no matter if a thousand Maws attack or if I'm bleeding to death with all limbs missing. I'm yours."

"Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me," she looked sad, and he picked up on that. He grabbed her wrist and hurtled her against himself.

"What happened to you? Did someone hurt you? How is that possible?" He wrapped his arms around her and pressed her into a hug.

Jo knew that her relationship with Wrex defied definition. There was wild sexual attraction and at the same time wonderful, tender friendship. She didn't mind that he wasn't human. She couldn't label this thing between them. If she weren't in love with Joker, she would be in bed with Wrex without a moment's pause. Why him and not Garrus, then? Garrus was even closer to her, he was her soul mate. But no, it had to be Wrex. None of it mattered right now because he was holding her just the way she needed him to. He could see her bare and naked despite all the clothes and armour. He could see her soul.

"Why does everything have to become so complicated?" She sighed against his chest.

"It's not. Not to me, anyway."

"Make it simple for me, then."

"First tell me, what's so complicated?"

"I try to do the right thing, but people keep telling me I'm a traitor working for Cerberus while I've never worked for or with them, I renounced them as soon as I could. Galaxy is under attack and nobody wants to believe it. I'm in love with a guy who doesn't want me."

"You told me: doing the right thing is always easy, so do it. Who cares what others think? Galaxy will find out soon enough it's under attack, and then they'll come running to you. No need to panic about it right now – enjoy the calm. As for the guy… Jo, are you fucking kidding me? He doesn't want you? Who is it anyway?"

"Joker."

"The brittle bone pilot? Seriously? Why?"

"Explaining that would move things way beyond complicated."

"Okay, let me un-complicate it for you. You want him – you go and get him."

Jo sat back and looked into the red eyes that seemed to glow in the dim light.

"I know, but I can't exactly point my grenade launcher at him and force him."

"Why not? You're Shepard. That's what you do. Would have worked on me."

She chuckled, and he saluted her with his bottle:

"Joker, huh? I thought for sure it would be the turian."

"Garrus?" Jo blinked. "What makes you say that? He's like my brother."

"Yeah, maybe now. He used to have a mad crush on you back in the day. Didn't you know?"

Jo opened her mouth and closed it again. That was new. She hadn't known.

"How do you know?"

"I may not be turian or human, Jo, but I'm still a man. I know what a guy looks like when he's smitten."

"Do you think he is over it?"

They both looked outside through the door, where the party was roaring, and Garrus was in the middle of it, making short work of wannabe-snipers who dared to challenge him.

"Looks like it. He looks at you differently now, you know."

Jo turned on her crate and laid down on her back, her head on Wrex' thigh.

"I wish I could stay here like this forever. No Reapers, no politics, no games, no impossible odds. I'd be your krantt, help you unite the clans. I belong here with you more than I belong on Earth."

"As long as I live, Tuchanka will always be your home, Jo. About that unworthy worm you're in love with, though. You've got the big guns, so hit Joker, he'll be at your feet before he knows what happened."

"Hm. Maybe you're right. I need to make a move." She had no idea what she would do, but Wrex gave her the confidence and the strength to continue that war, despite a few lost battles. She would get her man. Eventually. "About the galaxy…" She sighed. "Sometimes I really have half a mind to step aside, grab a chair, a cold beer and just watch the world go under because of its own stupidity. Could be fun, and definitely less stress and pain for me."

"See, things aren't so complicated after all."

"Guess they're not."

"As for me, Shepard," he stood up and loomed over her with a cheeky grin. "You can always count on things being uncomplicated here. When you come to me, you can have anything you want. No questions asked. No strings attached. No favours traded. When you come to Tuchanka, there are no obligations or expectations. I'll have you any way you come."

"Even if I never fuck you?"

"Even then."

"You are an extraordinary man, Wrex."

"And you're a real woman."

They both laughed at that.

Her fish had died. Jo came home after the celebration on Tuchanka and they were floating belly-up in the tank. She remembered that the last time she fed them was four days ago. Damnit. She had them from all over the galaxy. Now she would just have to go to Illium again for no other reason than to get a new batch. Well, there was also Liara and her Shadow Broker, but considering how Jo felt about Liara at the moment, fish were a much more compelling reason to visit the planet. But first they could go to the Citadel, it was a lot closer. While the ship was being repaired, refitted and resupplied, Jo finished her business on the Citadel and gave everyone an evening free. After their night on Tuchanka people needed some adequate relaxation. Garrus invited her to tag along with him to the Dark Star.

"Are you getting any sleep at all?" He asked her, once they were seated with their drinks.

"An hour or two every fifth day or so." And even less since Joker found her connection to his earpiece and deactivated it. "No pills help. Sometimes I wish someone would whack me over the head with a rifle and knock me out for a while. Might be the only way to get any rest."

"You know, Jo, my rifle is always at your service."

They both laughed, and at that moment two middle-aged human officers came over to their table.

"Excuse me, you are Commander Shepard, aren't you?" One of them asked.

"Yes," the grin slowly disappeared from her face, as she sized them up. Fans.

"It's such an honour to meet you, Commander," he said with genuine enthusiasm. Usually those fans were a lot younger, but these guys seemed to be in their mid-forties, one a Colonel, and the one who spoke a Major.

"Likewise," she said with her Commander Shepard face. Garrus chuckled a little when he saw her put on the mask.

"Could you perhaps sign my gun?" The Major asked, pointing at his sidearm.

"Sure, why not," she shrugged, and the guy immediately produced a pen and handed her the weapon.

"That may go down in history as the quickest disarming ever," Garrus pointed out, and all of them laughed out loudly. Jo signed the gun, then the Colonel asked her to sign his, and then three more guys from their table scuttled over to ask the same.

"Officers," Garrus sat up in his chair, a lot more serious now. "You are taking Commander's time when she is on her shore leave, hoping to relax a little."

Their enthusiasm went poof. Jo didn't contradict Garrus. She said:

"I'll sign your guns, but then I'd like to finish my drink with my friend in peace, okay?"

"Sure, sure, Commander, we never dreamt to impose."

"It's all right, have a nice day."

"Can we perhaps buy you a drink?"

"Don't push it, Major," Jo smiled eventually. He raised his hands, giving up:

"Sorry Commander. Forgive me, but you're much prettier in life than in the vids."

Jo nodded, listlessly. As the guys moved on, she saw Joker, Ken and Gabby watching them from another corner of the room. So, he didn't like that, did he? Perhaps, as Wrex advised her, it was time to bring out the big guns. Hit him where it hurts. Use her god-given charms in a way no male (even an alien one) could refuse. Jo unzipped her jacked and let it slide down her shoulders and arms.

"I'm gonna go get us more drinks," she said to Garrus and threw the jacket over the backrest of an empty chair. The black tank top she wore beneath it hugged her figure perfectly, left her arms bare and showed the top rim of her red, lacy bra. She got up and walked to the bar, swaying her hips a little bit more than she should have. While waiting for the drinks, she leaned deep onto the bar, giving the entire clientele a perfect sight of her ass, swaying it slightly to the music.

She could feel eyes on her. Dozens of hot, scorching glances glued to her behind. She could almost hear the thoughts rushing through the heads of all these males, officers and civilians alike, strangers and those she knew. She could sense the commotion as several visitors were hurriedly taking pictures. She let them.

When she was back, she leaned over the table again to place Garrus' drink in front of him, giving the guys at Joker's table a decent sight of her cleavage.

"Commander, I'm not sure about human mating rituals, but whatever it is you're doing seems to have a strong effect on human males," her favourite turian said.

Jo sat down, making sure to show a patch of skin between the waist of her pants and the tank top on her back. She stretched her arms like a cat, working out a little pain in her neck, also conveniently sticking out her breasts. She had the attention of everyone in the bar now. She slowly ran her fingers around the rim of her glass and shrugged:

"I am considered not only beautiful among my people, but also very, very fuckable, Garrus," she said. "The only thing keeping men from grabbing my butt in narrow corridors is my grenade launcher. And lately my reputation. But sometimes even Commander Shepard wants to feel like a woman."

"A little rusty, huh? Are you planning to find a mate for tonight?"

Jo stole a quick look over at Joker's table, where he was hunched deep over his drink, and shrugged:

"You know, death tends to reshuffle a person's priorities. A one night stand isn't really what I want. I'd just like to tease a little. Feel like a normal person again."

"If you're trying to tease me, Jo, I must say that as much as I love you, human sex appeal isn't something I fully understand."

"No, not you. I'm trying to make some human males uncomfortable in their pants."

"Is it working?"

"Hard to say from where I'm sitting, but it must be. I see several drooling over their drinks as they look at me."

"I see at least a dozen drooling behind you. Is this some sort of a hunting game?"

"Yes. Human mating rituals consist of a lot of hunting," Jo sipped her drink. "Men like to pursue women, and women have to resist. But women give men promises of sexual pleasures, which drives men on, gets them in the mood, so it's mutual. Women hunt men to make them hunt women."

"Very interesting."

"What about you, Garrus? How long has it been for you?"

"I had a few nights off on Omega, before the whole operation went down the drain."

"You don't get to meet many turian women under my command, and it's my fault."

"That's okay. We're soldiers, we signed up for this."

"Why are you spending your shore leave with the old grumpy Shepard, when you could go meet someone interesting?"

"Come on, Jo, you know there's nobody more interesting than you."

"Aw, now you made me blush!" She laughed, and he laughed with her. Jo caught a strange look from Joker. She suddenly felt very tired. "You know, I think I'm gonna call it a night. Thanks for inviting me along, Garrus."

"My pleasure. It's interesting to observe human mating rituals."

"Very effective tricks, aren't they?" She got up and left the club, not bothering to look at Joker.

Back on the Normandy she went straight for the console where the crew members left their earpieces after their shift. She made sure to block her hands from EDI's view, and moved as quickly and stealthy as she could over Joker's device. She got a microchip this afternoon on the Citadel, a tiny device with a weak signal and short range, which wouldn't disturb the ship's communication systems in any way. The earpiece didn't even have to be on. This microchip was a completely separate device now stuck to Joker's communicator and connected only to her omnitool. She didn't need to hear him across the galaxy, she only needed to hear him across the ship, for which the microchip was entirely sufficient. He would never find it, not even with EDI's help.

Fifteen minutes after she entered her cabin, someone rang her door. She went to punch in the access code and found herself standing nose to nose with Joker.

"Commander, you forgot your jacket in the club," he said, as if he had practised the phrase on his way, and held it over to her, neatly folded.

"Thank you," she said, intentionally brushing his hands with her fingers as she took the garment. "Why don't you come in, now that you're here? I was about to start on the weekly duty roster."

"I..." He hesitated, but then followed her inside. She put the jacket in the drawer, taking her sweet time walking around the suite and giving him time to look around.

"Why are you doing the duty rosters?" He asked her eventually. Jo preferred not to look at him. Just one look at him in her private quarters, with those crooked shoulders, and she'd jump his bones without asking for permission.

"I like doing something simple now and then. No impossible odds about that."

"So, you don't always strive to live your life at the extreme?" He said, and she could have sworn he was teasing her, but considering their relationship lately she wasn't sure.

"Imagine that," she shrugged.

"What happened to your fish?"

"They realised we were going on a suicide mission and thought: why wait?"

"You met some fans in the club today, as we saw?" He asked again, looking closer at the Prothean artefact from one of their little side missions, a shiny black orb on her coffee table. Well, wasn't he a pool of random questions tonight!

"Yeah, it's kind of sad." Jo went to stand by the fish tank.

"Why? Because you could have all those guys, but not the one guy that you want?" He asked, and Jo admitted to herself that she hadn't expected him to go there. His words were seemingly harmless, but they hit her like a blow nonetheless.

"No, it's sad that all those men who know me from the vids flock around me all the time, and the one guy who knows the woman behind the legend will not have anything to do with me. What does that say about me?"

"It's not like that and you know it."

"Do I?"

"It's just that I never really considered it."

"Now that I know to be a lie."

"Oh?"

"Yes. Did you think I didn't notice the way you look at my butt whenever I walk from the cockpit to the CIC?"

He gulped:

"EDI told you? I'll have words with her."

"She never had to. You looked at me like I was a dish of ice cream long before EDI was even born."

There was a long pause behind her back. A very long pause. Then he said in a quiet, tortured voice:

"What do you want from me, Shepard?"

"Me? It's not about what I want. I just firmly believe that you deserve much more than what you've settled for."

"You don't need to take care of me on top of everything else you're doing, Commander."

"Jo. My name is Johanna. And doing something for you, making you happy, making you smile isn't a chore. It's the greatest pleasure in my otherwise very violent, dark and desolate life."

He remained silent for another long while, and it was about to become torture. He was here, alone with her in her room, he wasn't leaving, but he wasn't willing to make a step towards her, either. Jo sighed deeply and said:

"I've been honest with you about what I want. I'll always be honest with you, Jeff. Question is: what is it that you want?"

"I want you to indulge a question."

"Shoot."

"That night before we went to check out the Collector ship, you spent the night in a hotel on the Citadel. Who were you with?"

"No one." She felt a powerful kick in her guts. He was jealous. He was friggin' jealous! He may not be ready to admit it to himself, but he was, and his jealousy felt like the gift from the gods right now. She turned to look at him directly. "I spent the whole night watching Keiji Okuda's memories, filtering information about the Alliance from them. Don't ask me what I found, not on this ship with Cerberus spies and cameras all around us."

He narrowed his eyes:

"Tuchanka? You and Wrex sneaked away and your earpiece and camera were off."

"Yeah. I wanted to talk to one of my best friends."

"But what about?" He sounded almost tortured.

"About you."

He looked like he was fighting some powerful emotions. He was searching her face for something, but she couldn't tell what. Then he went for the kill.

"Did you ever have sex with a target on one of your N7 undercover missions on your superiors' orders?"

"Yes."

He swayed, like she'd dealt him a death blow, and reached out to hold on to the railings.

"It's not like you're asking for details, and I'm certainly not apologising," she continued, wondering if she'd just killed the last shred of chance of them being together. "But it happened only once. As far as informants go, he was a pretty decent, good looking guy, and while he wouldn't have been my voluntary choice of a bed partner, I wasn't forcing myself all too much. I did it to prove to myself that I can, if I need to, and to pass the hurdle to get the invitation to my next N course."

"It was a requirement for progress in the academy?" Joker breathed out.

"Yes."

He looked at her, she looked at him, and Jo felt tears rising to her eyes. He was so close, he was in her life, in her personal space, and now even in her room, but he was still so far out of her reach, it was worse than torture. It was killing her. The need to touch him, be touched by him, was so powerful that she could taste it and smell it. At the same time she knew – better than she knew how to put a rifle together – that she could never and would never force this man into anything. She cherished his free will and good opinion more than anything else in the world.

"What's the verdict? Am I unworthy of you now that you know I've whored myself out?" She asked. If he was going for the kill, he might as well do it here and now.

Except her question seemed to have confused him.

"Uhm. No." He let go of the railings. "It wasn't a deal breaker, if that's what you think. I was just curious. Actually, I think it's kind of amazing. Your willpower. Things you would do to achieve results. Sacrifices you bring. Personal sacrifices. Can't imagine it was something you did easily, or light-heartedly, or ever wanted to repeat. In fact I'm pretty sure you did it once to get ahead with the N program to make sure you never have to do it again. You are and always will be the most amazing woman in the galaxy. It's just… you and me – that's not happening. I'm not what you need. I can never be what you really need. Sorry, Commander. But seriously, it has nothing to do with you sleeping with a target. If anything, it's kind of hot. Still, I'm sorry."

With that he left her alone and silently exited the room. Once the door closed behind him, she threw herself on the bed, sobbing.


Joker stepped outside her room and his knees gave in. He collapsed against the closed door and slowly slid to the ground. The way she stood there, wide-eyed, waiting for his words, for the death blow, it tore him apart.

So she hadn't slept with anyone on the Citadel, and she hadn't had sex with Wrex. Good to know? Sure. But the knowledge that she hadn't cheated on him, so to speak, only eased his mind a little bit. It was that look on her face that drove him to his knees, literally. So vulnerable. So open. Honest. She was true to her word and told him whatever he wanted to know, even if it meant confessing to things she clearly wasn't proud of. She told him anyway and put herself in his hands for his judgement. And that look on her face when she did…

He'd never even dreamt that his opinion meant so much to her. She'd made it painfully clear that she was a wholesome person and didn't need anyone's approval. But she did care about his.

She was brave. Braver and stronger than anyone he knew or could even imagine. Yes, she went toe to toe with Thresher Maws, but hey, he'd also faced off the Collectors and walked away with nothing more than a good adrenalin rush. That wasn't bravery. She had the courage to open her heart to another person, drop all the shields and defences and make herself vulnerable. He couldn't possibly hurt her physically, and yet she gave him more power than anyone else. She gave him the power to destroy her with just a word.

What had he ever done to deserve that kind of trust? He knew he could never live up to such overwhelming bravery. He was not worthy of that kind of loyalty.

And yet he had it. He hadn't asked for it, but he had it. She gave it to him voluntarily. That little blond girl. That original badass.

What the hell was he supposed to do?