A/N: I just want to make a little note. Leah and Seth Clearwater will have bigger roles in this story. Thanks to the all human factor, I haven't decided if Sam is still going to be with Leah or not. It won't be all that important but I just thought I'd let all of you know. Also, this is your warning. This chapter contains a flashback of the night Bella's mother was murdered. It's not very graphic but there is rape involved. I wanted to keep my T rating but this part is a little important. It'll give you a better understanding of Bella's thoughts on sex.
BELLA
"Hey Bells, are you ready, yet?" Charlie called up the stairs.
It was Sunday and we were getting ready to head to La Push for the day. I decided that I was going to put all of my worries over Edward out of my head for awhile. I was going to spend the day with my best guy friend, Jacob Black, whom I don't get to see very often anymore.
Edward doesn't like me hanging out with Jacob. He's worried that I'm going to leave him for Jacob, which is completely insane. Jacob and I had known each other since we were in diapers. He's always just been the brother I had always wanted. We acted just like brother and sister. We, of course, had the occassional peck on the lips and hand holding thing. But all good friends did that every once and awhile. Alice and I did it all the time. Why should Jacob be any different? I wished Edward would've understood our relationship. Sometimes I couldn't stand my boyfriend.
Wait, I wasn't supposed to be thinking about my problems with Edward. I was going to hang out with Jacob and we were going to have a good time. I didn't care what I had to do to keep it that way.
"Five more minutes, dad!" I called back.
My intent was to get up a couple hours early to straighten my hair. My alarm, however, had different plans. It decided that it wasn't going to work and I ended up sleeping until about ten minutes ago. I didn't even have time to shower.
I simply threw my hair into a messy bun and hoped it didn't look too bad. I put on the first thing that came out of my closet. That turned out to be a pair of tight dark blue designer jeans (A birthday gift from Alice), a blue spaghetti strapped tank top that revealed maybe an inch or two of cleaveage and a pair of backless tennis shoes. I knew it was going to be a little chilly so I threw on my blue jean Whiskey Girl jacket.
As I looked in the mirror, I thanked god that the Blacks and Clearwaters didn't give a shit what I looked like, because, quite frankly, I felt that I looked like an utter trainwreck. I had bags under my eyes and looked extremely pale.
I knew it was from all the stress of my relationship with Edward. I was losing a lot of sleep over the whole sex issue. I was so worried that he was going to get sick of waiting for me and find someone else. I didn't want that to happen.
He had no idea how badly I wanted to give him what he needed but I just couldn't. Even though it was over seven years ago, the memories of what happened to my mother were still fresh in my mind.
Yes, Edward did know how my mother died. However, he had no idea that I witnessed the whole thing. That was something only my father, the other officers on her case, Jacob, Alice and Rose knew. I wasn't sure why I hadn't told him yet.
I supposed I thought he would look at me differently. I couldn't stand it when people treated me differently because of what I've been through. Which is why I kept the secret from everyone except the ones who needed to know. Besides, my relationship with Edward was happy, for the most part, he didn't need to know the details of my past.
FLASHBACK~ SEVEN YEARS AGO
It was a cold and rainy September evening and my mom and I had gone to Port Angeles to buy me a new dress for my eleventh birthday part. Which was a week later. My mom had wanted to wait until the next day but I cried and begged for her to take me that night. She, of course, gave in.
We arrived in Port Angeles around six o'clock and stopped for some dinner. As we exited the resteraunt, I noticed there were some scary looking men staring at us and grabbed my mom hand. She must have noticed them to because she practically dragged me back to the car faster than I had ever seen her move in my life.
She was shaking a little as we drove to the little children's boutique. When we parked she told me to stay in the car until she opened my door. I could tell those men had seriously freaked her out so I did as she said.
I watched her as she checked every which way to make sure that we weren't followed. She was still shaking when she opened my door and told me to get out. I did and we hurried into the boutique. I noticed mom kept a watch out the window as I picked out and tried on several pretty dresses.
I could tell she was in a hurry to get out of there. I wasn't sure why she was so scared. Yeah, those guys looked scary but what could the really do, you know? Still, I tried my best to pick something quickly but there were so many pretty dresses to choose from.
I finally made my decision an hour later. My mom paid the cashier and we headed out the door. Mom got me in the car quickly but she never made it in herself.
I heard muffled male voices then mom let out a small squeak. I peeked out the window to see what was going on. Two of the men from earlier had grabbed her and were dragging her toward the dark alley between the boutique and a resurant. I wasn't sure what was going on.
I was ten and all I knew was that someone was trying to take my mom away from me. I needed to stop them so I got out of the car intending to tell them to stop. I got grabbed from behind and a cold nasty smelling hand was placed over my face before I could say anything. I let out a few muffled cries as I was carried off to the alley with my mother.
By the time I was back there, the two men had my mother against a way. They were both looking at her in a way the made my skin crawl. I had no idea what they were planning to do. I could just barely see her face but there were tears streaming down it and her eyes were wide with fear.
After a few seconds, her eyes fell on me. I was still being held by the man who had grabbed me. Her eyes grew even wider and she tried to fight against the men who were holding her against the wall.
"Not my baby!" she begged. "Please, don't hurt her!" I could see the tears running even harder down her cheeks.
"Don't worry, love." a voice came from behind us. "We won't have to hurt hr if you do everything we say."
A man stepped out of the shadows. Unfortunately, I can't remember the details of what happened after that. I wasn't sure if it was because they knocked me out once the finished with her or if I had surpressed them because it was just too traumatic for me.
END FLASHBACK
I remembered my mom agreeing to do what they said. I also remembered all four of them took turns forcing her to do some of the worst things imaginable. I didn't know what they were doing at the time. It was until I was about thirteen that I started asking my day questions about what really happened.
Answering my questions was the hardest thing he ever had to do. He had to explain to me that they raped my mother and killed her. The killed part I understood very well. The rape part was something that I only just started to understand at the age of thirteen.
The day Charlie and I talked about it, I felt like I was reliving the whole thing in my head. There was much crying on both of our parts. I could only imagine how Charlie felt having to to tell me those horrible things.
Like I said, I couldn't remember a lot of the details of that night, however, certain words, thoughts, feelings or even places would bring back certain images. Most of the time it would be very settle but sometimes, I would break down at those thoughts.
The most memorable and humilating time was when Edward had convinced me to give him the blow job. I told him I would try it because it would make him happy. It started out okay. I could tell that I was giving him a lot of pleasure and that made me feel good. That was until he spoke. He grunted the words, "Oh yeah, baby, that's feels so good."
I was suddenyl bombarded with images of my mother on her knees in front of those disgusting men. They were forcing her to suck them and taunting her with their words. I pulled myself away from Edward and got violently ill into his trash can. Which was, thankfully, right next to his bed. After I emptied my stomach, I started crying and couldn't stop.
I told him that In never wanted to do it again. When he asked me why, I just told him I didn't like it. Then I left to find Alice. She knew what he didn't and could help me better than he could. He was sad but understood when Alice told him that I just needed my best friend. I still haven't explained it to him.
I pulled myself out of thoughts of the past and applied some make up. It was just a little conealor to hide the fact that I looked like I was dying. I hoped Jacob wouldn't notice. I didn't feel like talking about it.
I then went downstairs to a waiting Charlie.
"Are you alright, Bells?" he asked. "You look like death?"
"I'm fine." I lied. "Edward and I are having some problems and you know me, I worry about everything too much."
"Yes, you do." he replied. "Especially about that boy. Maybe, he's just not worth the stress anymore baby."
"Dad, let's not do this. Let's just go visit our friends."
"Fine." he sighed.
I knew that he was right about not stressing so much about Edward and the sex thing (He didn't know about the sex thing, of course.) but I couldn't help it. I couldn't lose Edward. I didn't think that I would survive it. He was my everything and I had to hold on to him.
As we walked out the door, I remembered my promise not to stress about me and Edward today. It was all about me and my La Push friends today. Friends who I hadn't been able to see in weeks. I wasn't going to let anything or anyone ruin it.
A/N: Sorry about the ending. This one was supposed to go into her day with Jacob. However, it's getting late and The House of Night is calling to me. Plus, I feel her talk with Jacob is just as important as her past and I didn't want one foreshadowning the other. I hope you all understand. I also, hope that this didn't turn out too bad. Is it believeable that she would feel this way after it happened to her mother not her? I wasn't sure. It sounded pretty right to me. But I don't know much about the mental effects of rape. Anyway, please let me know what you think. The next chapter you'll get a better idea of Jacob and Bella's relationship. There a little closer than Bella wants to admit. I think I may even do it from Jacob's P.O.V. I think it might add a little more to the story. Please review and let me know what you think.
