A/N: I've made a decision about the Sam and Leah thing. They are still going to be together since this story is all human. I don't like the heartbroken and cynical Leah very much. I figured she was much happier and nicer when she was with Sam. I hope you guys don't mind.
JACOB
I was very excited about seeing Bella today. It had been weeks since the last time that we were really able to get together. All because of her stupid new boyfriend, Edward. He was crazy jealous and extremely possessive. And I hated it.
He didn't really want Bella hanging around me or any other guys for that matter. He acted like she belonged to him. Which wasn't right. She didn't belong to anyone but herself. I swear he was so possessive that it was close to controlling. Which could possibly turn into abuse later in the relationship. That was soemthing that I didn't want to think about at all. I was half tempted to rip off his head at the possibility of him hurting her like that. She didn't deserve it.
Then there was the sex thing. I hated him him for that too. See, Edward is what I like to refer to as a man whore. He likes sex. However, Bella has issues with it. It has a lot to do with her mother who was raped and killed seven years ago. She hadn't yet got over it. Could you really expect her to? He did, obviously. And I hated that about him too.
Edward didn't seem to understand how Bella felt about what happened to her mother. Granted, he didn't know that she had been forced to watch the whole ordeal. She didn't even understand what they were doing to her mother. Then she had to relive the whole night when she got to the age where she started understanding about sex and rape. I hoped that she didn't tell him because she didn't feel the relationship was strong enough to handle it. Which meant that she could eventually get some sense. I really prayed that was the case.
I worried about how much longer he would allow her to tell him no. He seemed like the type that would get sick of waiting and just take what he wanted from her. I couldn't imagine that happening to Bella. She was already messed up enough after what happened to her mother. She didn't need it happening to her. She didn't deserve it. She was too kind and beautiful for that. In fact, she was too kind and beautiful for someone like him.
I supposed, if I was being honest with myself, I should tell you that no man is good enough for Bella. That was for two reasons. First, Bella deserved perfection and there was no such thing as a perfect man. Second, I'm in love with her and have been since the second grade. I know that sounds crazy but it's true. If she couldn't have perfect, I wished she'd settle for me. At least, that way I knew she was being loved and cared for.
"Jake, the Clearwaters are here." Billy yelled from the living.
I got up off of my bed and went into the living room. Harry, Leah, and Seth were standing around in our small living room. Billy was going fishing with Harry and Charlie and Leah, Seth, Bella, and I were going to hang out all day. I greeted all three of them with a nod.
"So Charlie's not here yet?" Harry asked.
"No." Billy replied. "He said Bella hasn't been getting much sleep recently so she was a little late getting up this morning. They'll be here soon."
Harry nodded but I freaked. If Bella was loosing sleep that meant that she and Edward were probably having issues again. And Bella had a tendency to stress way too much. Especially over her relationship with Edward.
"What do you mean she hasn't been sleeping well?" I questioned Billy. "What's the problem?"
"I don't know, Jake, but I'm sure she'll tell you if she wants you to know." Billy answered calmly.
"Right." I said trying not to flip out over something might not even be an issue. "Well, guys, let's head out to the garage. Billy just send Bella out when the get here."
"Sure Sure." Billy replied with a dismissive wave of his hand.
Leah, Seth, and I walked out the back door and into the garage. I had finihsed working on my rabbit about a year ago and we didn't have much else to use the garage for. Which is why Billy let me turn it into a kind of hang out for my friends and I. It wasn't anything fancy. Just a couch and a couple of chairs. I put an extra radio out there as well. It was mostly just a place where the teenagers could go and talk without the adults over hearing. Billy didn't seem to mind giving me my privacy and I appreciated that.
"So I'm assuming by the way you flipped out about Bella not sleeping very well, that she's still with Edward?" Leah questioned once we were all inside and comfortable.
"Unfortunately." I answered looking at my hands.
"Dude, when are you gonna tell her how you feel?" Seth asked.
"I've been meaning to but I just haven't found the right time." I replied.
"I find that hard to believe." Leah stated. "You've known how you felt for ten years now. There has to have been a good time in there some where. I think it's something else."
I didn't say anything for a minute. She was right it was something else. Something that I didn't want to admit to myself let alone to her and Seth. However, she stared at me with her penetrating gaze that could crack even the hardest stone.
"Okay, I'm scared." I stated. "There, you happy! I'm scared that she's gonna get freaked and run from me. I'm worried if I tell her, she won't want to be my best friend anymore!"
"I understand." Leah answered. "But you're never going to be truly happy until you tell her. Besides, it could be what sways her from that asshole. But you won't know unless you tell her. Who knows, she might even love you too."
"Okay, but what if she doesn't and she stays with him." I countered. "Even worse, what if she doesn't want to stay friends with me. I won't be able to protect her from what's to come. And you know that things with him are only going to get worse. He'll be able to push her into anything before long. I don't want that to happen."
"Neither do we." Leah replied. "But if you want to be truly happy, it's a risk that you're going to have to take. You owe it to yourself and to Bella to get those feelings out there. How knows what could become of things."
I knew in my heart that she had a point. Yet, I couldn't stop worrying about the what ifs. The thought of rejection and losing my best friend weighed way too heavily on my mind. I couldn't bring myself to do it, even though, I knew it needed to be done. The door opened to reveal Bella before I could think on it too much more.
I took in her appearance and understood exactly what Billy meant when he said she hadn't been too much sleep. Her hair was thrown, carelessly, into a bun on top of her head. I could see the dark circles underneath the concealor under her eyes. I could also the dead look on her face, even if the paleness of it was covered with concealor. She looked utterly exhausted. I surpressed a growl at what he had been doing to stress her out so much.
"Hi, guys." she said in an attempt at a cheerful tone. We could all see right threw it.
"Hey, Bella." we replied and she smiled but it didn't quite reach her eyes.
Speaking of her eyes, I had just know really looked at them. They not only looked dead and tired but they were bloodshot like she was trying very hard not to cry. I could tell something was really upsetting her but she didn't want anyone to know what it was. I got up off of my chair and threw my arms around her.
"Oh Bells, what's wrong, sweetie?" I asked in a sympathetic voice. I was more than prepared to go over to Edward's and beat the shit out of him.
"Nothing." She replied pulling away, "I'm fine."
"Please, Bells, I know you well enough to know when there's something wrong. And there's something wrong. So spill." I stated.
"It's just that Edward and I have been fighting a lot lately. But it's fine. Today is my day to hang out with you guys, I don't want Edward to screw that up." she replied shaking her head.
I could see the tears trying to force their way down her cheeks. She blinked furiously to try to keep them from falling.
"But this looks like something that you need to talk about." I said soothingly. "I'm your best friend and it's my job to listen when you need to talk. Regardless, of what was supposed to happened. There will be plenty of other days where we can be Edward free. If you need to talk, then we'll talk."
She nodded and some tears slipped down her cheeks. I felt rude just leaving Seth and Leah sitting there but Bella needed me. I turned to them with an apologetic look.
"Guys, do you mind, if Bella and I take a walk?" I asked. "I'm not sure how long we'll be."
"That's fine." Seth said.
"Yeah, we'll find something to do." Leah agreed.
I knew they's both understand. They cared about Bella's well being as much as I did. And it was palin that she really needed soemone to talk to at the moment. I grabbed Bella's hand and laced my fingers through hers like I always did and pulled her toward the beach.
We sat on the beach a little above the tide line. This was our favorite place to just sit and talk. We both felt a sense of peace here. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and she laid her head on mine.
"So what's going on?" I asked.
"Well, Edward and I have been having The Fight a lot the past couple of weeks." she replied. She had been referring to there sex issues as The Fight for about seven months now. I think that she thought it made them sound less bad if she didn't come right out and say it. "And when that happens, I tend to dwell on what happened to my mother. I feel like he doesn't understand what I'm going through. I feel like he's only thinking about himself when it comes to this. And I know that I shouldn't feel that way about him. Not after that he does for me but I just can't help it. I don't know what to do with him anymore. He doesn't seem to understand that even the littlest of things could bring the memories back for me. I mean if he were to say something or even groan, I will lose it. And I'm so worried that he's going to get sick of waiting for me to be okay with it and move on. I don't know what I'd do if that happened."
Tears were running down her face and her voice cracked several times druing her speech. I stayed silent through all of it. Even though, I wanted to say several choice cuss words aimed at the asshole. However, I held my tongue because that would only upset her more. I knew though, my next words where going to upset her even more, but they had to be said.
"Well, if he's does that then he wasn't worth it." I stated.
She pulled her head off of my shoulders and stared directly into my eyes. I could see anger and hate mixed with the sadness and exhaustion.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she questioned and I could hear the coldness in her voice.
"Just that maybe hte situation isn't worth all of the stress that you're dealing with." I responded. "If he can't understand how you feel about sex, then maybe you should just find someone who can."
I knew the minute the words came out of my mouth that they had come out wrong. I didn't mean it to sound like I was condemning the relationship or judging either of them. However, that's exactly what my lips did. She stood up and started walking away.
"You sound like Alice now. THe next thing I know, you'll be telling me that he's trying to pressure me into doing it!" she yelled.
"Well..." I said implying that that was exactly how I felt.
"OH MY GOD!" She yelled pulling at her hair. "He doesn't pressure me. He stops when I ask him too and doesn't try to talk me into after I have said no! It's not his fault he has needs that I'm not ready to provide him yet! Which makes it even worse because he is one of the greates boyfriends that I've ever had. He does everything that I ask of him and then some. And I can't even bring myself to give anything back to him. If one of us should break up with the other, it should be him with me!"
Tear were know cascading down her face as she was sobbing. She would've collapsed to her knees if I hadn't stood up to catch her. She was more upset about this than I thought. Once again, I knew my next words would upset her more, however, they had to be sad.
"And that, babe, is called pressure." I whispered.
"But I love him." she cried. "And he loves me. I can't be without him."
"I know." I whispered and pulled her close to me.
I let her cry into my chest while I stroked her long beautiful hair. I told her that "everything was going to be alright" and "they'd work it out in the end." I knew the words all lies and would probably hurt her mentally later.
I wanted more than anything to tell her that she deserved so much better than him. She deserved someone who would understand what she had been trhough and not push something that she was uncomfortable with. Someone like me. However, I knew now was not the time for those words.
She didn't need to someone to tell her that her relationship was doomed. She needed someone to tell her that it was going to be alright. Someone to comfort her and make her feel better. Someone like a best friend. Not a best friend who was trying to convince her to leave the man she loved.
I wasn't sure how long she cried before she pulled away from me. I could still see the pain and sadness in her eyes then but the hate and anger had gone away. I was glad for that because I hated it when she was mad at me.
"Thank you Jacob." She croaked. "You are an amazing friend. I don't know what I'd without you. I love you so much."
"I love you too." I said and pulled her back to me adding a mental, "More than you know."
A/N: Well, what do you think? It didn't turn out the way I had hoped. I don't know what it was but I couldn't remember the original version of the chapter, no matter how hard I tried. I hope you like it anyway. Also, this was supposed to be a sort of wake up call for Bella. She's going to start realizing that Edward's not as wonderful as she thinks.
