"Goddamn," said Deidara, because the low form of the Jaguar was indeed weaving in and out of traffic half a block behind them. "You must've drawn his attention when you peeled out of there like a bat out of hell…"

"I peeled out of there? You made me do that!"

"What else was I supposed to do?" spat Deidara. "I didn't want him to see us. You were stopping when I explicitly told you not to!"

"I'm sorry I don't unquestioningly follow your every order!"

"Well maybe you should—then we wouldn't be being stalked by Itachi Fucking Uchiha!"

Ino took a sharp left and streaked down a side street. "Itachi…? That name actually rings a bell…"

"Yeah," said Deidara, gripping at the armrests. "He was kind of a household name ten years ago, when he killed his whole family."

"Great," said Ino with false lightness as she booked it down another street. "So my father was being stalked by a mass murderer who wiped out his family, and who is now following us. Can this day get any better?"

"I mean, he's like, the best assassin in the business, so at least he'd make it quick..."

"Lovely."

Deidara peered behind them. "This is fine, though. This is just one guy. We can lose him. He didn't really see us, anyway. He's only following us ʼcause we acted suspicious as fuck just now—he probably thinks we're part of some other gang, scoping the place out…"

A sudden, surging rumble of powerful motors cut Deidara off. He and Ino looked at the rear-view mirror with identical expressions of dread. Four helmeted men on black motorcycles had just materialized out of alleyways behind them. Behind them, the Jag prowled, keeping pace at a distance.

Ino said all of the swear words she knew at once in one pained syllable under her breath. "Shcfuck."

"So… he called for reinforcements," said Deidara, shuffling for something in his bag. "How's your stunt driving?"

"Um? Nonexistent?"

"Welp." Deidara pulled out his gun. "Hope you're a fast learner."

"Oh my god," said Ino as Deidara cocked the gun. "What are you doing? We don't need a gun… do we? Please tell me we don't need a gun and this is just—just stupid macho posturing, okay? We can just talk it out with them, I can make something up—"

"We're gonna need the gun."

His certainty was frightening.

"No—please put it away—let's be civilized about this—"

A shot rang out behind them and, simultaneously, Ino's rear window shattered into a million pieces.

"Okay," she said in a high voice. "Okay, we need the gun."

"Floor it." Deidara clambered into the back seat and flattened himself beneath the jagged open space that had formerly been the rear window. "I'll take care of them."

So Ino floored it and proceeded to break more laws in the next three minutes than she had in a lifetime. She ran eight red lights, clipped a granny's walking stick from under her, and side-swiped a tourist bus in a shower of red-hot sparks, shrieking all the while.

Something whizzed by her ear. Her windshield exploded.

She drove the wrong way down a one-way street. She commandeered a bus lane. She drove on a sidewalk and most definitely killed a pigeon.

With a shriek, Ino swerved down another street among shards of glass and bloody feathers. Shots rang around her, sharp pings from the revolvers of the men on the bikes and larger bangs from Deidara's gun. He was, from the sound of things, giving as good as he got.

"Hard right," shouted Deidara between shots. "We need to shake them, come on…for fuck's sake, did you just signal your turn?"

Ino screamed out some kind of apology, signaled right again, and immediately turned left.

"Nice," said Deidara, as two of the bikes skidded off course behind them.

The other two surged ahead, still tailed by the Jaguar. More shots rang out and both of Ino's side mirrors were clipped off within seconds of each other. She flinched and veered off the road and into an underground parking lot. Deidara fired again and one of the bikers went down and rolled lifelessly onto the ramp.

"You're going to get us trapped," yelled Deidara as they sank underground.

"There's a way through to the next block," said Ino, squeaking the tires as she tore through underground lot.

"But why? We were safer up there—they could corner us here—"

"Because! There's a school up there!"

"Oh, now you think of the children?" came Deidara's peeved reply.

He was cut off by a loud bang and some thumping—one of Ino's tires was gone.

"Assholes!" hissed Ino.

"Drive in a goddamn straight line for one second, so I can aim!"

Ino did so, two shots resulted. One was successful.

"How many left? What are we at? Where's the goddamn police?"

"Two down," said Deidara. His gun gave a muted click. "...And I'm out."

"You're out? We're dead," screamed Ino as the last two bikers peppered her trunk with bullets.

"It's okay. I got this." Deidara was shuffling around for something in the pockets of his bomber jacket.

Ino watched in the rear-view mirror, hoping he would pull out an Uzi or something similarly lethal.

To her vast disappointment, he pulled out two palm-sized robotic birds. "What-?" she sputtered in disbelief. "Find something useful, not toys!"

Deidara ignored her and tossed the things out of the window. For a moment the little birds kept pace with the car, hovering outside the broken rear window as Deidara fiddled with what looked like a minuscule remote.

"Let's see if those crotch rockets can dodge," muttered Deidara.

Then, with metallic zips, the birds were off, one towards each remaining rider.

As it turned out, the crotch rockets could not dodge. The riders' helmeted faces turned towards the incoming silvery missiles in confusion. They hesitated a moment too long before swerving—and then they exploded.

"Holy shit," screamed Ino as she surged the Audi out of the subterranean lot and into the street. "What the hell? Exploding Furbies?"

"Itachi's still on us," said Deidara grimly as the black Jaguar streaked out from the wreckage of the underground lot a minute later. "We need to bail. Go right."

"Throw another bird!"

"You said there's a school up here! Go right again—then straight—"

"Straight?!" said Ino, trying to follow Deidara's instructions without hesitation this time—except he was driving her straight into the bay.

"Straight," said Deidara. "We need to lose him—and this car—before he calls another twenty guys on us, ʼcause if they catch us, we're dead."

"But—into the water? My car?!"

"Your goddamn car is replaceable! Your life isn't! Go through the barrier—just trust me—go!"

Ino closed her eyes, clenched her teeth, and busted her beautiful Audi through the barrier that separated the road from the sea.

VVV

The car floated just long enough for Ino and Deidara to clamber out the windows and for Ino to slide into the water with her purse on her head.

"Are you serious?" said Deidara, watching this manoeuvre and of the clear opinion that the purse wasn't worth the delay.

"Shut up," snarked Ino.

She felt a little thud on the crown of her head: Deidara had just thrown his phone into her purse.

"Might as well not get that wet," he said as Ino, submerged to her nostrils and treading water, shot him a look of death.

They swam towards the shore. Behind them, the Audi sank with a sad farewell gurgle.

"My insurance is so not going to cover this," bubbled Ino breathlessly as she kicked towards the water's edge.

Deidara lugged his waterlogged self onto slimy concrete steps and pulled Ino up with him. "Come on—quick—can't let him see us…"

Almost as he spoke, the screech of brakes rang some distance away. They peeked around a corner. Further along the shore, the black figure of Itachi detached itself from the shadowy Jag and stood in the wreckage of what had been the barrier. He stared into the bay, where the Audi's dying bubbles frothed.

Ino and Deidara scampered into a side street, soaked through. Sirens wailed in the distance—finally, in Ino's opinion. What had taken them so damn long?

Her aggravation was superseded by something more worrisome. Black vehicles with tinted windows were swarming every street they crossed.

"Fuck," said Deidara as they ducked around a building for the fifth time in as many minutes to avoid yet another blacked-out SUV. "Now we've really piqued Itachi's curiosity—and pissed him off. He's going to have this place searched inch by inch. We need to hide…"

"Hidemi, you take that street," came an authoritative voice around the corner. "Hiroe, Anzu, with me. They aren't far. Megu has the next blocks covered."

Ino and Deidara exchanged wide-eyed looks beneath their dripping hair. They ran to the three or four doors that gave onto the alley and rattled them, but all were locked. Every window was barred by steel.

"Shit shit shit," said Deidara.

Then he grew still. He had caught sight of a nearby dumpster.

"No," said Ino.

"Yes," said Deidara.

"I will not hide in a dumpster!" hissed Ino in an angry whisper.

"Then you can die out here alone," said Deidara, making his way towards it. "I'm not waiting for Itachi and the goddamn Yakuza to find me."

Deidara gripped the side of the dumpster, searching for a way up.

The sound of men's voices neared.

The dumpster wafted foulness as Deidara jumped and pushed the lid askew.

Ino wished she was dead.

"Fine," she said.

"Good," said Deidara. "Get your ass up there."

"How?" asked Ino, eyeing the seven-foot climb. "What do you think I am, some kind of ninja?"

Whispered swearing and grunts ensued as Deidara lifted Ino up and over the edge of the dumpster. He snarked at her for being so goddamn slow. She stepped on his head on purpose.

Deidara hauled himself up behind her on his own power because Ino's feeble attempts to pull him up were useless. They crouched low among a week's worth of Lower Manhattan refuse and brought the lid down on themselves, and lay there in the stench, and stared at each other.

Ino pulled her soaking hair over her mouth to breathe without gagging. "I cannot believe this…"

"Shh…"

Footsteps sounded near the dumpster. "Look, water. They were here. You, go check down that alley. You, take that stairwell. Anzu, you stay here and keep watch. They're close."

"Yes, sir," came an immediate chorus of unfriendly voices.

"Shoot on sight."

Ino's eyes grew wide. She flattened herself on a half-torn garbage bag, willing her racing heart to stop thumping so loud, please, oh god, they were bound to hear it. Next to her lay Deidara, transfixed to something statue-like, unblinking, his chest barely moving with his shallow breaths.

Ino had never needed to pee so badly in her life.

Silence fell, interrupted by the distant sirens and occasionally a nearby shuffle that told them that the sentinel assigned to this alley was still there. For ten minutes Deidara and Ino lay there, trembling with adrenaline, waiting for something to happen. More men came and went; more boots stomped in the alleyway. The searchers' frustration mounted audibly. There was the crackle of walkie-talkies, the screech of tires, the barking of more orders.

Ino and Deidara baked in the heat of a closed dumpster on a boiling July afternoon. Ino felt herself growing nauseous from the moist hotness of the place, and the smell… Deidara didn't look to be faring much better. There was a sheen of sweat on his face and his lips were pale. He caught Ino staring at him, made a puking motion, and pulled his shirt over his nose. Ino nodded in queasy agreement and pointed at the rancid bag below her, from which the most evil smells were wafting.

Deidara peered at it in the half-light that glimmered in from the cracks in the dumpster lid. Slowly, he raised a hand. Ino watched, unsure of what he was about to do—not open the lid of the dumpster, surely? It was still too dangerous, she'd heard someone clearing their throat out there only a minute ago…

With the most careful movement, Deidara reached and pulled a full diaper out from the half-open garbage bag that Ino was laying on. He deposited it just as slowly somewhere by their feet.

This alleviated the potency of the stench in their faces by a non-negligible degree.

"Thank you," mouthed Ino with real gratitude.

The rumble of a truck coming to a halt gave them both pause: perhaps it was an Uchiha vehicle, come to pick up the last watcher? Perhaps (Ino hoped hard) it was an incoming SWAT team?

The whole dumpster shifted. Ino bit her lip hard to stop from screaming and Deidara braced himself against the trash bags.

...Or perhaps it was a garbage truck, here to do its usual Monday afternoon run.

Ino and Deidara were unceremoniously dumped into the back of the truck. For a wild moment, Ino thought that this was it—she was going to die in a trash compactor—but this was a flatbed truck, and she and Deidara did not actually become jam.

So that was good.

What was not good was that the Yakuza agent in the alley had been idly watching the truck do its thing and saw two blonde heads tumbling down among the trash bags.

"What the—?! Stop!" he called to the garbage collector. "Hey! Hold up!"

The garbage collector either didn't hear him or didn't care enough to take orders from him; either way, he drove on. The Yakuza man gave pursuit on foot and launched himself onto the end of the truck.

Deidara was chest-deep in trash bags and struggling to get loose. "Push him the fuck off!"

Ino untangled herself from an old tarp, scrambled over hillocks of garbage, and grappled with their pursuer with extremely limited success. He took a breath to shout out an alert —and Deidara beaned him in the face with the diaper.

It caught him under the jaw, exploded on impact, and down he fell. His head thudded hard against the concrete below.

"...I think you might've just killed a man with a diaper," said Ino, clinging weakly to the edge of the truck as they drove away.

"Jesus," said Deidara, extricating himself from the garbage bags to join her. "What a way to go..."

Something crackled between them. Deidara looked around. "The hell is that?"

In Ino's hand, a shiny walkie-talkie gleamed. "Snatched it before he fell—I thought it might come in useful…"

"Genius." Deidara snatched the walkie-talkie and held down one of the buttons. "Found them," he said in a gruff voice. "Running down Pitt and Delancey. All units to Pitt and Delancey."

A flurry of responses came in, copy-thats and rogers and 10-4s.

A few minutes passed during which staticky orders were snapped out and the men searching the streets called out their negative findings.

Deidara called in a few more sightings with fake urgency as he and Ino trundled across a bridge in the garbage truck, far away from the patrolling swarm of black Yakuza vehicles. They were on the verge of high-fiving each other for their brilliance when a cold voice emanated from the walkie-talkie: "Agent who had a visual on the targets, identify yourself."

They stared at the walkie-talkie.

"Identify yourself," repeated the voice.

"Itachi's onto us," said Deidara. He lobbed the walkie-talkie onto the roof of a moving van going in the opposite direction. "Hope there's a tracker in that thing..."

Then he and Ino collapsed onto the garbage heap and caught their breath. Ino picked a cigarette butt out of Deidara's hair.

A tiny violin started to play somewhere in Ino's purse, which sat primly upon a broken chair.

"Jesus Christ," came Shikamaru's voice when Ino answered. "I watched the whole thing on the city cameras, that was some nice hi-def footage of both of your idiotic faces causing all kinds of property damage..."

Ino's heart dropped with a sickening plunge: cameras. Christ, she'd forgotten. She was done. Her career was over. She had broken, like, fifty laws. There would be no recovering from any of this…

"...Footage which I'm now corrupting so it'll never be seen again. You're welcome, by the way."

Ino let her head tilt back to rest on a trash bag behind her, heaving out a huge sigh of relief. "Shikamaru—you are a lifesaver."

"I've got a line in on some Yakuza radios and they're all in a goddamn tizzy over you two. They think you're agents from some other org, lining up for the Yamanaka job."

Deidara leaned into the phone. "Did they see us?"

"You're being described as two blond individuals, heavily armed. That's about all they saw. You're lucky."

"Thank god," said Ino. "You have security lined up for my dad?"

"Yeah. I told him there's been an increase in gang activity in upper Manhattan. After today's shitshow, he's definitely buying it. What the hell did you use to take down those dudes in the parking lot, a bazooka? The whole thing came crashing down just now..."

"Whoops," said Deidara, though a satisfied smirk tugged at his lips.

Shikamaru's disapproval radiated through the speaker. "Anyway—now you're both on Itachi's personal hit list, so... congrats?"

"Goddamn it, I did not need this," said Ino.

"I gotta go finish cleaning up your mess. When I'm done, all the cops will have to go on is a metric shitton of eyewitness accounts that'll take them forever to get straight… that should buy you some time…"

"Thank you so much, Shika—"

He had already hung up.

"He hasn't worked this much in like, ten years," said Ino, tossing her phone back into her purse. "I'm surprised he hasn't passed out from exhaustion yet…"

The garbage truck rumbled to a halt within the high brick walls of a city dump.

"Let's bounce," said Deidara, poking his head over the edge of the truck, "before buddy down there figures out he's got stowaways."

He leapt to the wall, clung onto the top with his fingertips, and dropped off it to the other side. Ino followed suit with considerably less grace, given that she now had only one shoe, her long hair was tangling everywhere, and was still clutching her purse.

Deidara was kind enough to catch her, which most definitely saved her from a broken ankle.

"Where are we…?" asked Ino, kicking off her other shoe and looking around at the low grey buildings around them.

They stepped up to the nearest street corner, where the sea opened up in front of them.

"The docks," said Deidara, at the same time as Ino said, "the marina."

They were both right, of course. But Deidara knew only the south end of the port—the grimy, fishy side, where the freighters docked with shipments licit and illicit. And Ino only knew the north side, the pretty lagoon festooned with flags, where the fancy boats were moored and the wealthy played.

They looked at each other and, not for the first time, acutely felt the vastness of the difference between their lives.

Ino squinted against the sun towards the marina. From this position, she could see her father's yacht moored in its usual place, but…

"What's wrong?" asked Deidara, noticing her frown and whipping around to stare in that direction. "You seeing something? Yakuza cars?"

"No. But why are there people on my father's yacht?" asked Ino, studying the distant figures that moved on the upper deck.

Deidara gave her an open-mouthed stare for a second. "His yacht?" he repeated. "Are you serious? Who cares—we're trying to lose Yakuza operatives who want us dead…"

"But we aren't using it this season. The dining salon is being renovated… but that's only starting in August." Ino held her hand against her forehead to shade her eyes. "So who…?"

"Does it matter right now? Can I remind you that we're kind of on the run from an assassin? Let's go..."

"Yes, it matters—because anything unusual that has to do with my father matters right now." Ino started down the sidewalk, barefoot, towards the marina. "I'm going to find out who's there and why."

VVV

"No soliciting," said a bouncer-looking guy to Ino and Deidara when they reached the gangway leading up to the Yamanaka yacht. "Move on, you two."

"Excuse me?" said Ino, looking at him in disbelief. "Who the hell are you, and what are you doing here?"

"I was hired to keep the riffraff out," said the bouncer. "Which is what I'm doing."

"The riffraff?" sputtered Ino. "Do you know who I am?"

The bouncer looked her up and down. "Some drifter who's got no business here. Are you deaf? I said move on."

Ino swelled with indignation. "I'm Ino Yamanaka. This is my father's yacht."

"Right. And I'm the fuckin' Duchess of Cambridge." The bouncer jutted his chin out to Deidara. "Get your lady friend under control, bud, before I do it for ya."

Deidara, who had only been half-listening to the conversation given that he was looking out for sulking Uchiha killers behind them, reached for Ino. "We'll come back later. C'mon…"

She swatted his hand away, nostrils flaring. "I'm perfectly under control, thank you. Now I'm going to ask you to step aside," she said to the bouncer, "because I don't take orders from glorified mall cops. Move."

Ino turned to snatch Deidara's shirt and drag him on board with her—then, as his filthy shirt squelched damply in her hand, she paused and had a Realization. Deidara, after their stints in the water and the dumpster and the garbage truck, was looking like an absolute hobo—a vaguely handsome one, under all the grime, but a hobo nonetheless. And, Ino realized as she looked down at herself, she fared no better: her feet were bare, her dress torn, and her hair—her hair was simply inexplicable. And all around her wafted a faint odour of garbage. She looked like a displaced trash nymph looking for a new dump in which to settle.

Meanwhile, the bouncer had processed her insult and had begun to turn an unpleasant shade of red.

Ino took a moment to breathe. Right. So maybe she didn't fit the picture of the Yamanaka heiress just now. She fished into her purse and flipped her wallet at the bouncer. "Here. My license. I assume you can read—but if you can't, it says Yamanaka, Ino, and that's a picture of me. Okay? Can we consider this settled?"

The bouncer squinted at Ino's driver's license. "That's not you."

"I can assure you that it is."

"Nah. There's no way you clean up that pretty." He took a step closer to Ino with a growing frown. "But if you stole that wallet from Mr. Yamanaka's daughter, we need to talk."

"Oh, for god's sake," said Ino to the sky. "I had to hide in a dumpster from a psychopath. Okay? That's why I looking like this. Why am I even wasting my time talking to a gigantic useless sloth of a man? Where is Kaiyou?"

The bouncer's face grew redder in the wake of these fresh insults. One of his massive arms twitched. Ino grew aware of how easily he could backhand her into the water if he wished to do so and took a step back into smelly Deidara.

"Kaiyou," repeated Ino. "The Chief Steward. I want to speak with him."

The bouncer took another step towards her. "You're not gonna talk to him. He's busy. He ain't got time for panhandlers and deadbeats. Hand over that wallet."

Ino held her ground as the bouncer approached. "It's my wallet. Get Kaiyou."

The bouncer stared at Ino and her unflinching self-confidence, as though unsure whether she was just full of shit, or actually on something.

"Go get him," said Ino, her voice ringing with authority. "And maybe I'll see to it that you don't get fired."

"Is that… Miss Yamanaka?"

A head was poking over the side of the boat.

"Oh, Taikai, good, you're here," said Ino, recognizing the deck hand. "Fetch Kaiyou, will you?"

"Yes, miss, right away..." Taikai hesitated for a split second, taking in Ino's attire. "Is—is everything alright?"

Ino swept up the gangway and pinned the baffled bouncer with a glare of ice. "Yes. For most of us."

VVV

Kaiyou was found. His polite enquiries about Ino's state of dress (and, more subtly, of mind) were brushed away with an imperious hand.

"It doesn't matter. I want to know who's on board."

"Mr. Nogusa Yamanaka asked us to prepare for a departure tonight," said Kaiyou. "We are to sail to the Exumas, I believe, though we have not yet received a confirmed itinerary…"

"Nogusa?" repeated Ino. "A cousin," she added for the benefit of the confused-looking Deidara. "Works for my father."

"Y-yes," said Kaiyou. "I'm sorry, Miss, is there something wrong…?"

"Did my father permit this?"

Kaiyou blinked. "Mr. Nogusa mentioned that he had your father's approval. We have already informed him that there will be no using the dining salon on this trip. Is… is there an issue, miss?"

"Is Nogusa on board?"

"Yes—in the hot tub—with a few, err, companions…"

"This boat doesn't leave until I speak with him." Ino stormed past Kaiyou. "And, Kaiyou—don't tell him I've arrived."

"Yes, miss," said Kaiyou, standing well out of her way.

Ino led Deidara down narrow stairs to the lower deck.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" asked Deidara.

"I don't know yet," said Ino. "But I'm going to find out."

"What's the big deal if your cousin wants to take the canoe out for a joy ride? We have other fuckin' fish to fry right now…"

Ino did not answer him, her eyebrows contracted into a frown. They reached the lower deck, where the doors to the staterooms gave onto a corridor, three to a side. Ino's irritation soared at the sight of a dozen half-open suitcases scattered around the hall and in the rooms, most of them overflowing with skimpy women's clothing.

She pushed open the door to her usual stateroom, which, mercifully, was unused by Nogusa's call girls.

"How is any of this is important right now?" asked Deidara with rising exasperation. "What are we doing?"

Ino pulled open some drawers and yanked out some of her stored boating clothes. "I'm going to talk to Nogusa. But I'm not doing it half-dressed and reeking of rotten tartar sauce and baby shit. You get in the shower first—I'll find you some clothes."

Deidara looked like might've wanted to argue, but something about Ino's rageful movements and the tightness of her jaw stopped him.

"Fine," he said, pushing open the door to the head. "I really hope this stupid detour is worth it."

VVV

Ino and Deidara emerged from the stateroom later, freshly showered and dressed. If she'd been in a better mood, Ino might've congratulated Deidara for pulling off the preppy boater look so well, cream blazer, sockless boat-shoes and all. But she was not, and so she merely gave him a once over, pronounced him passable, and marched to the upper decks, her white sundress fluttering in the breeze.

Soon they neared the foredeck, where the hot tub bubbled. The smell of chlorine tickled their noses as the sound of giggling and girlish shrieks and splashes reached their ears. The party beats of Flo Rida's My House began to throb and Ino's mood darkened further, because this was certainly not Nogusa's house, and she was going to make that exquisitely, painfully clear for him...

The music did have the benefit of masking Ino and Deidara's approach completely. Ino switched off the stereo and, in the dead silence that followed, said, "Hello, Nogusa."

Despite the steam wafting from the hot tub and the July sun above, the ambient temperature dropped—such was the coldness in Ino's voice. The four hot tub-goers—three barely dressed women and Nogusa—froze and turned slowly to see who was speaking.

"...Ino?" said Nogusa, pushing his sunglasses up onto his sunburnt forehead.

"Yes." Ino placed a hand on her hip. "We need to talk."

Nogusa was utterly nonplussed. He swallowed the caviar-laden cracker he had been chewing on. "Do we? Uh—yeah—sure, I guess." He looked from Ino to Deidara and back again, waiting for an introduction that was not forthcoming, because Ino did not have time for such niceties.

"A private word would probably be in your best interests," said Ino with a pointed glare at the women in the hot tub. "Though we can do this in front of your friends, if you prefer."

"Uh—no, private is good." Nogusa turned to the call girls. "Ladies, could you leave us for a minute…?"

The ladies in question poutily put down flutes of champagne and stopped picking at the platters of food piled around the hot tub. They pulled themselves out of the water and sauntered past Ino and Deidara in minuscule bikinis, casting black looks in Ino's direction.

"Pack your things and get off the yacht," called Ino as they disappeared down the stairs. "Anything still here in fifteen minutes gets thrown overboard. Yourselves included."

A flurry of outraged whispers followed this directive from the stairs, 'uptight bitch', and 'who the fuck does she think she is' and 'I'm charging him the full eight days anyway'.

Nogusa pulled his chubby self out of the hot tub and wrapped a towel around his belly. "Hey, you can't do that..."

"Can't I?" Ino turned to the stairs, from where the sound of hasty packing emanated. "I just did."

"Seriously? You can't just bust in here and—and act like you own the place." Nogusa did his best to straighten his shoulders and recover some form of authority. This would've been difficult to do at the best of times, as Ino radiated icy imperiousness like nobody's business—and at the moment, he was barely dressed, slightly tipsy, and had the frightened look of one who has been caught red-handed doing something they oughtn't.

"You definitely don't own the place," said Ino. "What are you doing here?"

"Who's your friend?" said Nogusa, eyeballing Deidara in a transparent attempt to change the subject.

"That's not what we're talking about. Does my father know you're taking his yacht?"

"He—I—I mentioned it to him, I think," said Nogusa evasively. "In passing—at the end of the last board meeting. Mentioned the idea, anyway…"

"Does my father know?" asked Ino again, this time enunciating each word with crystalline, perfect pronunciation.

Nogusa looked like he was grasping for more evasive half-answers, but the question—and Ino's glare—pinned him down. "No, he doesn't. Jeez, Ino, I just wanted to have some fun, that's all…"

"Just having some fun," repeated Ino. "Taking the yacht for a thousand-mile joyride, with a full crew whose salaries you don't pay, with fuel you can't afford, and without authorization. Really."

Ino stepped around the hot tub and pointed a slender finger to the champagne ensconced in frosty buckets. "And I see you've picked out some bottles from my father's highly prized collection of Veuve Clicquot—I suppose you 'mentioned that idea' to him, too?"

"It's just a—a small celebration," said Nogusa. He moved to the other side of the hot tub and tried to surreptitiously nudge a half-dozen empty bottles under a ledge under the pretense of fetching his shirt.

"Oh? And what are you celebrating?"

Nogusa's mouth hung open for a moment as he processed the question. "I've… I've lost some weight."

"You've lost weight," repeated Ino. She transferred her stare from Nogusa's belly to the heaped trays of cakes, hors d'oeuvres, and sugary desserts piled around them. "So this is how you celebrate."

"Yeah." Nogusa's shoulders slumped. "Listen, Ino... I realize I should've gotten permission. Can we just sweep this under the rug? I'll do whatever you want… I'm turning thirty this year. I wanted live it up a little, you know? Just got myself some hotties to party with and we were gonna have a good time in the islands. I'll replace the bottles. Don't tell your dad, okay? I know it was dumb. Please, Ino… don't fuck me over with Inoichi. I'm on thin ice as is..."

"You wouldn't be on thin ice if you showed up to work more than five hours a week," said Ino, who was more than familiar with her father's irritation on the Nogusa front.

"I know," whined Nogusa. "I know. I'll do better. It's just—it's summer—and you only turn thirty once, you know? I just wanted to have some fun... Come on, Ino. You aren't going to throw me under the bus, are you? You're better than that…"

Ino looked Nogusa up and down. He looked ready to cry.

"Pack your stuff and leave," said Ino. "If I hear my father complain about your performance again, I'll tell him that you almost took his yacht for a joyride—and that you wasted his most treasured champagne on escorts."

"You won't hear anything," said Nogusa, now shuffling towards the stairs in a hurry. "Nine to five, every day, I'll show up—thank you, Ino, thank you…"

Ino watched him go, her arms crossed, a muscle ticking in her jaw. Deidara, who had watched her exchange with Nogusa in absolute silence, was keeping a safe distance from her, as though she was one of his explosives that ready to go off.

"Kaiyou," called Ino.

There was a scramble around the corner and Kaiyou materialized before Ino.

"Have a bottle of bleach—or twelve—poured into that hot tub. I don't want any remnants of their disgusting activities polluting it."

"Yes, miss."

"Make an inventory of the bottles that Nogusa and his companions emptied and send him an invoice. Replace every one."

"Yes, miss."

"Have the staterooms sanitized. Especially the heads."

"Yes, miss."

"I trust the next time that anyone—Yamanaka or not—approaches you to use the yacht, you will check that my father did indeed approve of the voyage."

Kaiyou paled. "Of—of course, Miss Yamanaka—it won't happen again. An oversight on my part. Mr Nogusa made it sound like your father had authorized the departure and I did not think to second-guess—"

"No excuses necessary," said Ino, holding up her hand. "Even the best of us make mistakes. Now, they have five minutes left to get off the boat. After that, have that bouncer throw anything that doesn't belong on the yacht into the water."

"Yes, miss."

"Anything and anyone."

"Yes, miss."

"Afterwards, have the bouncer fired. No notice. No references."

"Y-yes, Miss Yamanaka."

"Thank you," said Ino, stepping towards the gangway. "Could you call me a car? I need to head downtown."

"Yes, miss—right away."

The bouncer saw Ino coming from the dock. "Hey - hey, sorry," he called from the bottom of the gangway as Ino swished her way down in her immaculate sundress, now most definitely looking the part of the Yamanaka heiress. "I really didn't think you were—I mean, you really didn't look like—I mean, I thought you were a homeless person, and you'd stolen—"

"It's fine," said Ino with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Don't worry about it."

"Okay—I'm really sorry." Sweat beads had gathered at the bouncer's hairline and he was all but wringing his overlarge hands. "I should've believed you, I was just trying to do my job… Just started, you know—never worked for such a big shot—wanted to do it right—"

A white BMW bearing the Yamanaka, Inc. logo pulled up. The bouncer scurried over to open the door for Ino, still apologizing profusely.

"Kaiyou is going to ask you for help clearing the actual riffraff from the yacht in about five minutes," said Ino, pulling her legs into the vehicle with effortless elegance. "You'll do a good job, won't you?"

"Yeah, I will, of course..."

"That'll be all. Thank you."

The bouncer shut the door with the utmost care and then stood at attention as they drove away.

VVV

Ino told the driver to take them to Yamanaka HQ (secondary garage entrance, please, to avoid the eyes of watching Yakuza), then buzzed up the privacy screen and sat back with a sigh.

Deidara opened his mouth and looked like he wanted to comment at length on the whole affair but didn't know where to begin. Finally, he blurted out, "How are you related to that pudgy-ass moron?"

"Barely related," said Ino. "He's a cousin on my father's side, twice removed."

"So why were you getting all up in his face like that? You think he might've put out the hit?"

Ino ran a finger across her bottom lip. "I did think that—briefly. But not anymore. He's too much of an idiot."

Deidara looked out the window at the setting sun, a frown pulling his eyebrows together. He did not seem willing to put aside the possibility quite so easily.

"It's not him," said Ino in the face of this unspoken doubt. "I just thought for a second—well—it was weird that that spineless slacker would have the guts to commandeer the yacht like that and slip off. But then again, he knew we had renos planned and that we wouldn't be using the yacht this summer. So he saw an opportunity to play tycoon for this birthday and show off for his paid tail and have a grand old time. He's a huge partier. Booze, sex..." Ino shuddered. "I don't even want to know how many STDs are floating around in that hot tub."

"Hm," said Deidara, still frowning.

Ino turned to him with a hint of impatience. "Believe me—it's not him. You saw... his greatest ambition at thirty years of age is to get shitfaced in the Bahamas."

"Right."

"Anyway, he doesn't have the kind of money offered for that hit. He doesn't have money, period. Just an average salary for his quote-unquote 'work' at my father's company. Which barely covers his lifestyle expenses, much less ten million." Ino shook her head. "Nogusa's an idiot, but he's not enough of an idiot to put that kind of cash up for grabs for the mob or whoever else and then not deliver. That would be suicide."

This settled the matter, in Ino's opinion, and she turned to her phone.

"Hang on a sec. If Chubs doesn't have any money," said Deidara, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the marina, "how does he pay three escorts to come with him for a cruise for a week? That's a lot of cash."

"I don't know," said Ino with a dismissive shrug. "Maybe they give him a loyalty discount."

"And how'd he pay for the drugs?"

"What drugs?" blinked Ino.

"Uh… the pills? Right next to the bottles? Or were you too excited about the champagne to notice them? He tried to kick them out of sight while you were sniping at him."

Ino had, admittedly, not noticed any pills. "What? Where there really drugs? Are you sure? Maybe they were vitamins."

"Vitamins?" repeated Deidara incredulously. "Are you kidding me? Heading to the Exumas? With those chicks on board? Those were totally club drugs. Special K, MDMA, speed, the usual—they were gonna party it up… And the white powder in baggies? You're gonna tell me that was protein powder or some shit?"

"I—"

Deidara's lips were flattened into an unimpressed line. "I know what cocaine looks like. Buddy had like thirty grand worth of goodies there. And that was just what was on deck, who knows what else he's got stashed away… So how's he affording that shit, and escorts, three of them, if he's got no cash?"

"I don't know. Maybe he's got a line of credit. Maybe the escorts brought the drugs. Maybe he sold his car."

"I think you should trust your gut," said Deidara.

"What gut?" said Ino, flattening her dress against her tummy.

Deidara flashed her a look. "I'm serious. Trust your instincts. You thought there was something off about this the minute you saw people on board—but now you've rationalized yourself out of it and convinced yourself that he's too dumb to pull something."

"What—you think someone's funding him?"

"I think it's worth digging. Hey—you're the one who said anything unusual to do with your dad matters right now."

"Fine," said Ino. "Fine. I will find out what the deal is with his sudden cash-flow."

"How...?"

Ino held up a finger to silence Deidara as she scrolled through the contacts on her phone.

A ring and a half later. "Hi Kaiyou. Yes, it's me. Listen—the bouncer. Have you fired him yet? No? Good. Tell him that Ms. Yamanaka has a favour to ask of him. She wants him to find out how Nogusa paid for the escorts. Really lowkey, under the radar. If he has to hire one of them and have a good time with her to find out, that's fine. We'll cover it. Have him report back to you. You let me know what he finds out. All clear? Yes? Thanks... Oh, and Kaiyou? This probably goes without saying, but don't fire him until further notice. Okay? Bye."

VVV

As directed, the driver pulled into the subterranean garage underneath Yamanaka, Inc., where, mercifully, no Jaguars lurked. Ino leapt out of the car, eager to get up to that seventh floor boardroom and check the booking logs. However, upon reaching the doors that lead to the elevator, she found that they were locked. She checked her watch: it was after eight.

"How is it so late?" said Ino in irritated disbelief, because how dare the time pass without her noticing?

Deidara tried the door himself—you know, in case Ino was just too weak to pull it properly—with no more luck. "Can't you call anyone to come down?"

"There won't be anyone left in the building," said Ino. "Everyone gets home to their families for dinner—company policy. I could call my father's assistant to come in with keys, or something? Or maintenance? But then I'd have to explain what's so damn urgent it can't wait until tomorrow…"

Ino worried her lower lip between her teeth. "Screw it," she sighed, turning away from the door. "I can't risk someone saying something about the Yamanaka daughter making unusual requests—not now, when there are so many eyes and ears on my father. We'll come back here first thing in the morning."

"Are you sure…?" asked Deidara, tugging at the handle again. "You know, I'd just need to get some stuff and I can totally blow this lock off…"

"Yes, I'm sure. Blow off the lock? Are you serious? The idea is to not draw attention to ourselves, my god..."

"We could take out the security cams first…"

"And the driver?" asked Ino, jerking her chin towards the car.

"Knock him out."

"No. Tomorrow morning, first thing, we'll be here." Ino climbed back into the car. "Now let's go home—I'mfamished."