Joker could barely hide his amusement whenever he would enter Jo's room these days and find Vega inside with her. The younger officer had been cocky at the beginning, then spent a while observing Jo's every move, but now Joker mostly found him doing the same shit Jo was doing. Exercises for balance, endurance and pain resistance. Those things didn't require a gym and yet kept soldiers sharp. They were also exercises that Joker personally couldn't do and didn't need to.
Vega was now keeping up with Jo's routine and wasn't even realising that she was training him. She did it subtly, without telling him what she was up to, but Joker could see it clear as day, even if Vega himself believed he was just being friendly by keeping her company. Joker knew that the younger officer hadn't had a single idea in his head in the last two months that Jo hadn't put there. He was under her spell, like everyone else on her team was.
After the batarian attack had shaken things up, Anderson had taken over Jo's supervision and things calmed down considerably. Major Lance was still under investigation for possible aid in the attack, but so far no hard evidence could be found.
Joker's life was certainly a lot more exciting than Jo's. He spent a shift on the Normandy every day and was available for questions the rest of the time, keeping EDI in line. He was proud of his girl: she made it clear every single day that he was the only one who could keep her on a leash.
A new team arrived on the Normandy when the initial team finished diagnostics. This new team consisted of specialists who would do the actual changes to the ship and to the systems. Joker was surprised but pleased to see a familiar face: Greg Adams, the chief engineer from SR1. The Alliance invited him as a specialist who was familiar with the systems, even though Adams had never set foot on the SR2. He told Joker that he'd been approached by Cerberus back then but refused because of their reputation. He also ensured Joker that he regretted that decision now.
And then another long-lost traitor appeared on the Normandy and Joker couldn't ignore that one. Alenko, or Major Alenko, in charge of the 1st Special Operations Biotic Company. The Alliance brought him in as another "specialist" and he took over overseeing the retrofits, even though Joker couldn't stand the thought. He was convinced that Alenko was the last person in the galaxy who should have been allowed any say on the Normandy. Only Joker couldn't do anything about it. He was on shaky ground as it was, what with the criminal investigation still hanging over him and Jo. Still, she needed to know that Alenko was around and Joker couldn't imagine she would be happy about that.
It was a clear and crisp December afternoon when he came to her room with the news. He immediately grinned. Jo stood in front of the balcony window and looked outside silently, while Vega was doing push-ups by the coffee table. The guy probably didn't even realise how firmly and easily Jo had wrapped him around her sweet little finger.
Jo smiled and kissed Joker when she saw him, and promptly declared:
"I've been granted access to the park. They're letting me take walks outside now, even though it's guarded better than the Council's private rooms. Wanna go for a walk? I've been waiting for you."
"Yes, of course," he nodded, but he knew he had to burst her bubble sooner rather than later. "Only you should know who you have to thank for that favour. Alenko resurfaced."
Her face fell immediately and Vega stopped his push-ups to look at them.
"What does he want?"
"He's been assigned as our supervisor during the retrofits on the Normandy and he's telling anyone who'd listen that he used to be an important part of your team and that he regrets not having been with you during the events at Bahak. He's also yelling from every corner that he'd do anything and use all his favours to clear your name, prove your innocence and make your life easier."
Jo clenched her teeth and rolled her head, working out a kink in her neck from the sudden tension. Vega watched them curiously but remained silent for now.
Joker waited for Jo's verdict. Ultimately this was just between her and Alenko. Joker was pissed at the man for being an irritating idiot, but if Jo decided to forgive him all his sins, Joker would have to work with him regardless of his own feelings.
Her decision was swift and it put him at ease. She put a firm finger on his chest and told him in her Commander voice:
"Alenko has no authority over you. This is my word and it's final. You do not have to do anything he says. And if he tries to take over command of my ship, you have to refuse his orders and do whatever you can to apprehend him. I personally authorise use of lethal force."
"Orders received and understood," Joker nodded briefly. He could tell that Vega was surprised by this professional exchange. He'd only seen them as lovers until now and had no idea that their relationship never stood in the way of their work.
"And I still plan to enjoy that walk, at least this once," she declared with a smile, returning to being his girl. She took his hand and led him outside. Vega quietly walked right behind them until they entered the park. It was beautiful, made for the highest ranking officers to enjoy their luxurious stay. Even in winter it looked stunning. There was no snow right now, only ice covering the miniature lake in the middle of the park. Vega remained at one of the gates, discreetly giving them some private time. There weren't any cameras outside and the guards (a whole platoon of them) remained mostly out of their way when Jo led him to a bench in front of the little lake. They sat together, enjoying the cold gently biting any part of their exposed skin.
"Are you sleeping enough?" Joker asked very quietly, using probably the only chance to have a truly private conversation with his woman in this fucked up situation.
"No," she moved closer to him and put her head on his shoulder. "I'm not sleeping at all."
"Is that why you hadn't had another nightmare in a month?"
"Yeah."
"Jo..."
"I can't sleep without you and even if you did spend all your time at once to stay one night a week with me, it wouldn't matter. We'd been sleeping together for weeks before I relaxed enough to actually fall asleep, and right now I'm too far gone in my head to regain that kind of calmness from just one night a week. It's no use."
"And how long do you think you can keep that up?" He twisted his neck to look at her face. Her scars had gotten a lot worse lately.
"I would like to say 'as long as it takes', but right now I'm not so sure I have that kind of stamina."
"Something has to change. We have to talk to Anderson, get him to do something..."
"Let's not spend these precious moments worrying," she said and Joker knew he was on his own with this problem. She would endure this torture and never ask for anything from anyone. Too proud of her own badass abilities and too afraid to show any weakness. Yep, that was his woman.
James waited for the couple back at the gate. Joker's two guards stood with him, gossiping about the changes on the Normandy in the last two days. The girls spoke among themselves and didn't seem to need any other audience, but they were loud enough for everyone to hear. James learned from them how tall and handsome Major Alenko was. Knowing that Alenko wasn't Shepard's favourite person, James could only gag at their dreamy description of the man's dark eyes and strong jaw.
What he didn't know, but really wanted to, was why Shepard reacted the way she did. Authorising the use of lethal force if the Major tried to take over the Normandy? Considering that Major Alenko outranked her and had all the right to take over the ship? Especially when Shepard was locked in a brig with criminal charges brought against her? Of course James was on her side, and had she given him that order, he would have done anything to obey her, even if it meant going against the entire Alliance brass, but still...
"What do you figure they're talking about?" A guard at the gate asked him, pointing at Shepard and Joker, who still sat on a bench. This soldier hadn't had the questionable pleasure of guarding Shepard so far. On her first visit to the garden everyone around them was curious. James shrugged:
"Could be anything. The colour of the sheets in the Shadow Broker's bedroom or if the beer remains good if you put the cap back on and leave the bottle in the fridge."
"Or maybe the God's last name," Westmoreland giggled.
"Or what's on the other side of a wormhole," Campbell joined in. James couldn't say about the wormhole, but he wouldn't be surprised if Shepard and Joker knew God's last name and address.
All the guards instinctively stood at attention when the couple slowly returned to the gate. The cold air put some colour in Shepard's cheeks, making her more beautiful than ever. She took one look at James and the girls and said to Joker:
"I have an idea. Why don't we switch guards for the evening?"
Everyone blinked and gaped in surprise.
"I'm serious," she continued. "Vega, after two months of looking at you my every waking minute I could really enjoy some different company, and you're getting cabin fever." James wanted to protest, but she was right. She turned to Joker and nudged him: "Why don't you use that VIP strip club membership and take Vega with you for a boys' night out?"
James almost ate his tongue, as did everyone else present. Thanks to Westmoreland and Campbell everyone knew that Joker had requested a strip club membership for his help on the Normandy, but James didn't know that Shepard knew, couldn't have imagined that she would be okay with that.
Joker looked at James, considering her suggestion. For a moment James was too stunned to say anything. Shepard winked at the girls and said:
"In the meanwhile I'll behave, I promise. The girls and I can arrange a poker night with the rest of my guard."
"Strip poker?" Joker sported an evil, shit eating grin. Shepard responded in kind:
"You know it."
"I sure hope those guys wear a lot of clothes, then," Joker did the unspeakable: he possessively slapped Shepard's ass. Not only did she let him, she seemed to enjoy it. It still cut James like a knife whenever Joker acted so vulgarly towards her, but he was starting to accept the fact that she was not a goddess on a pedestal, but a human woman with a vulgar streak herself.
"You guys are invited," she told the garden guards, who'd been gaping speechlessly at the exchange.
"Is that... even... allowed?" The young man stuttered.
"Why not? The more guards in the same room with me, the calmer the Alliance brass will be."
James couldn't believe it, but an hour later it was settled. He and Joker were going out to The Iceberg, while a whole company of guards gathered in Shepard's room around the coffee table.
James still couldn't believe it when he eventually found himself alone with Joker in the car the Alliance had given the pilot for personal use. Joker flew in silence, parked in silence and just as silently let the host lead them to a private room. The club had class, for sure. With his meagre military salary James could never hope to frequent such places. As if by magic food and drinks appeared along with three dancers. The girls started their show on a little stage in the middle of the room, giving James and Joker the opportunity to converse in privacy if they wished to. James didn't know what to think of the whole thing, so he just looked at the man next to him.
Joker poured himself a drink and leaned back on the couch, barely even looking at the gyrating girls. He still was silent. He seemed in a bad mood and James had no idea what caused it. Granted, he didn't know the man all that well. Was it that Shepard had forced James' company on him to this club? Was it the fact that she was playing strip poker with guards right now? Was it something else?
"Been here often?" He tried for a conversation since Joker really didn't seem all that interested in the strippers.
"Nope, first time," Joker surprised him.
"Why not? Why did you ask for VIP access if you're not coming here?"
"To make people who wanted my help uncomfortable. It's kinda what I do."
Strangely, this sounded exactly like Joker.
"They sent drinks and girls so quickly in here, I though they already knew what you like."
"It's the platinum card speaking, not me. Besides," Joker gave him a heavy glance. "You know what girl I like."
"So why did she make us come here? Together, too?"
"No one ever really knows Commander Shepard's reasoning," Joker shrugged. "My guess is that she wanted to give you a chance to ask your burning question and let me answer it honestly without all of the Alliance listening in."
James wondered what question Joker meant, but really, there was only one today.
"Who's Alenko?"
Joker nodded, took a long sip and relaxed deeper into the couch.
"Objectively, he's a man who'd been on our team at the beginning when we were fighting against Saren, then after I... lost the ship, he was reassigned, got promoted, refused to join us when we found him again because he didn't want to be associated with Cerberus, and now he's back."
James had to give it to the other man: his words were truly objective, bare of any personal judgement.
"And now the real story, please."
"Real story is that Alenko always thought he's in love with Shepard. From the day he first saw her, he was overwhelmed by how accomplished she was, what a fantastic hero she was. He put her on his personal pedestal and worshipped her day and night. It really threw him for a loop each time she did something that didn't fit that image of perfection he had of her. He never realised that it was not Shepard's fault. His image of her was faulty. She is perfect the way she is, he just never could see the real her. She was interested in him for a while, back before she and I ever got together, but he annoyed her soon enough."
Joker shifted, making himself comfortable, remembering the old stories. James noticed that he was saying "Shepard" now, not "Jo". Apparently James hadn't earned that privilege in conversation yet.
"The night before the whole showdown with Saren and Sovereign at the Citadel Alenko came to her room and tried to kiss her. She sent him away, but the guy just never really got the message. After she died, he presented himself as someone who mourned more than a loss of his CO and a friend. Then she came back and we found him on one of the abducted colonies. He said things to her that a man can only say to Shepard once. As far as I'm concerned, there is no forgiveness for that. He called her a traitor to the cause, of all things. Accused her of selling herself out to Cerberus, stuff like that."
James hissed. He could imagine what Joker meant. A man who'd claimed to be her friend could only say that kind of thing to Commander Shepard once, there was no coming back from that.
"And now he's back, still playing the card of a secret lover. Granted, he probably doesn't even know about me and her, and I'm letting him enjoy his blissful ignorance for a while. God knows, he'll crash hard when he learns the truth."
"So he betrayed her and Shepard ordered you to use lethal force against him if he tries anything?"
"It's not because he betrayed her. It's because she thinks him unworthy of leadership. She told me once that she didn't consider him good enough to even die in peace. He had to live and learn how to be a better man. You just have no idea what kind of people came and stayed on the Normandy. All badass leaders, warriors, protectors, heroes, all with different sets of morals but always a united front under Shepard's command. There were very few who didn't fit that image and Alenko was one of them. She could give you a whole list of people she would let take command of her ship in her absence, but Alenko is nowhere near that list."
James let Joker's words sink in and they watched the dancers in silence for a while. Then Joker added:
"And on a very personal note: Alenko is a nagging, whiny idiot who didn't know a good thing when it hit him in the face, so he let it go. He's not worthy of setting his foot on my baby, only there is nothing I can do about it right now. Pisses me off to see him prancing around my ship like he's the king of the world. If you meet him, don't ever let him pull rank on you. Shepard, me and our other crew members severed all ties with the Alliance, so it doesn't matter that I'm only a Flight Lieutenant First Class and he's a Major. He hasn't seen half the things I have. I know where my loyalty lies. You'll have to make that choice for yourself."
They sat in silence for a while after that. James was really starting to understand that there was a lot of tension between Shepard and the Alliance. When he first met her, he assumed she was a loyal soldier, like himself, but learned since then that she was anything but. Her loyalty was with the galactic peace, not with any one species or organisation. What Joker said made a lot of sense and deep inside James already knew what his choice would be.
"Who's Angel?" James asked, suddenly remembering the radio program from last week.
"She didn't tell you?"
"No."
Joker grinned.
"According to Shepard, he's unbelievably special. I wouldn't know about that, it's not my business to know. I recognise only her authority, and if she says he's worthy, then I'll trust her judgement and accept his authority, too. With that pole up his ass."
James knew he wouldn't be able to pull more out of Joker. Shepard was a real power for him and he wouldn't spill intel if she hadn't.
The music got louder and harder, the dancers started moving faster and Joker leaned a little bit closer to James to speak under his breath:
"And now let's really talk. You'll have to do something about this goddamned situation because I can't and she won't. But it simply can't go on like this."
James felt sudden hollowness in his stomach because for all he was worth, he had no idea what Joker was talking about.
"What situation?" He whispered back without taking his eyes off the dancers, feigning interest.
"Open your fucking eyes, Lieutenant. Why is she not having nightmares anymore? Why are her scars getting worse and worse every day? Why is she always up before you are?" Joker asked him and the realisation clicked in James' head. He instantly cursed himself for not connecting the dots earlier, for not having paid enough attention to his precious charge. She would go to bed every night, albeit very late, and she would already be up, dressed and ready to go, when he woke up, no matter how early that was. He should have realised that she wasn't sleeping at all.
Joker's mood seemed to have improved a little after that talk and they didn't stay much longer at the club, both hardly interested in the strippers. When they returned to the brig, they found Shepard in a room full of barely dressed men and women. She alone had all her clothes on. Strip poker against Shepard - bad idea, James made a mental note to himself.
Next day he insisted on a meeting with Admiral Anderson.
"Lieutenant, you wanted to see me?"
"Admiral," James saluted the other man. "Yes, I wanted to talk to you about an important matter regarding Commander Shepard."
"What has she done now?"
"Nothing, Sir. It's more about… her health."
Finally the Admiral looked up at him with real attention.
"She's not pregnant, is she?"
"Not that I know of. It's something else. Thing is… She would murder me if she knew I told you about it, but you need to know, and we need to fix it."
"Fix what?"
"She's not sleeping."
"Insomnia? You can get her medication, if she needs it."
"It's not insomnia, Sir. She's having nightmares, horrific nightmares. PTSD. So, she'd rather stay awake all the time than risk that. Admiral, she's not sleeping at all. The only one who can help her is Joker, and as you know, he can only see her for ten hours a week. Sometimes he stays all night long, using up all his hours at once, but it doesn't mean a thing on the grand scale of things."
"You've been letting him stay overnight without supervision? You're defying your orders, Lieutenant."
"I take that responsibility. I'm also responsible for Commander's health and let me tell you: she is not well. She hasn't slept in weeks. Admiral, you care about what happens to her, right? You care about her well being. She is our only hope to survive the Reapers. You need to make sure she gets the help she needs. Joker is that help."
"What do you want me to do? Let Joker come in and out at any time of day unsupervised?"
"At least get him enough time to stay a few nights. Sleep deprivation is serious torture and if the Alliance stands for torture, I'm not sure…"
"I see, Lieutenant. She's worked her way under your skin, hasn't she?"
"Go and see her, if you don't believe me, Sir, but I doubt she'll tell you any of this. She's too proud. But I have eyes. My job is to watch her my every waking minute and I noticed that she has a lot more of those than I do. Admiral, I wish I could help her. I can't. We have to make sure she doesn't break on our watch. We could ruin our last and only hope."
"You've made your case, Lieutenant. I'll do what I can," Anderson promised.
When James got the new orders a few days later, he couldn't wait for Joker to make an appearance. He messaged the guy and told him to come over the same night. After dinner James personally caught the limping pilot at the Commander's door before he could enter.
"Give me your wrist," James demanded and changed the timer's digital seal.
"What's going on?" Joker demanded. "She okay?"
"No, she's not. That's why you're getting an upgrade."
James watched the other man's chest suddenly heave when he saw the new number. 30 hours a week.
"You went to Anderson, didn't you? He took you seriously."
"It's unsupervised time, officially."
Thirty hours alone with his woman. If James had had any doubts about Joker before, the look on his face right now erased them all. It was the look of a man who received a divine miracle and didn't know how he deserved it.
"I had my doubts about you," Joker said to him with half a grin. Apparently James wasn't the only one seizing the other man up. "But it looks like you really care."
"I'm doing my job. Go, what are you waiting for? I haven't told her yet."
Joker's heart was hammering when he opened the door. Thirty hours meant he could spend four or five nights here without fearing that someone would walk in on them. He had no idea what Vega had done to make this happen, but he appreciated it. In turn he would do his absolute best to make sure Jo got some sleep.
Jo stood still in front of the balcony window, looking outside. Her whole posture screamed wariness at him. He never asked her why she was always keeping her vigil at the balcony door, but he always wondered.
"Johanna," he called quietly and she spun around. They were not supposed to see each other until five days later, she had a reason to be surprised.
"What happened?" She demanded.
"Nothing, don't worry. Still no sign of the Reapers. But look what I just got!" He showed her his timer. "Officially unsupervised time."
She saw the number and collapsed onto the bed. He climbed on top of it next to her and she curled up against him, breathing with relief for the first time in two months.
"You'll stay tonight?" She asked through his shirt.
"Absolutely."
She clung to him in a desperate way that nobody else was ever allowed to see, and he held her just as tightly. For about an hour they just lay there, drinking in each other's presence. She needed him, she made no secret of that. Joker wasn't sure if she even realised how much he needed her, too.
When the late evening became night, they finally let go of each other for long enough to get undressed and climb under the covers. They decided not to care about cameras, hoping that 'unsupervised' meant that Vega turned them off. They made love slowly, savouring each moment, each glance, each touch, their bodies and souls melting. The world could go under, but the two of them collapsed between the sheets, happy, naked, sated, sticky with all the bodily fluids and careless about it. They were entangled even when they got up at dawn for another round in the shower. Joker knew that Jo hadn't slept, no matter what, but by breakfast time she was more relaxed than he'd seen her in weeks.
When Joker was leaving, he ran into Vega, who was bringing Jo her food. He stopped the guy to talk to him before he went inside Jo's room.
"Hey, LT, look, I really appreciate what you did there. Couldn't have been easy. Thank you."
"Just doing my job," Vega said like he had not a care in the world.
"Yeah, you are," Joker stuffed his hands in his pockets with a sigh. "Don't get me wrong, I'm really grateful, and so is she. And in the long run so will be the galaxy. Just don't get your hopes up."
"What are you talking about?" Vega flared up like a rocket. "You think I'm sweet on your lady, is that it? Well, think again…"
"Vega, I don't have to think. I know. Ease up, man, just listen to me, will you? You're locked into a situation with her, day after day, night after night, she's all you see. You spend time with her, you think you're getting to know her. Don't explode, dude. I know because I've been there myself. I know what this woman's smile can do to a man. I saw her kill lesser guys with just one look."
"You telling me to stay away from your woman, is that it?" Vega straightened himself up, towering over Joker in a challenge.
"No. I don't care how close you try to get to her. I know how far she'll let you in. What I'm saying is that I know from experience how addictive she is. She's got fans all over the world, people follow her into death because she's so fucking awesome and wonderful, they forget everything just to bask a little in her light. But this," he pointed at the door. "This isn't her. She's not herself here. So if you think you have something special going on with her, don't be too disappointed later. She's like a time bomb right now. Lying still, waiting, trying not to rust. When the shit hits the fan and she steps on our ship again, she'll switch into full Commander mode. She'll have your metaphorical balls before the airlock is even closed. You'll have to watch yourself so that she doesn't have your literal balls. This woman makes the king of all krogans lick her hands like a little puppy, she does not tolerate any opposition, provocation, insubordination and macho play when she's herself. So my advice to you is not to get too attached to what you see right now. The real Shepard is a lot more to handle than this sweet, accommodating girl you see every day. I'm just saying. See you around."
James watched Joker go and a frown settled on his face. He had to assume that Joker wasn't wishing him ill at this moment, not after finally getting more time with Shepard thanks to him. Were his words truly an honest advice? James had seen Shepard take people apart in interrogation rooms, everywhere in the brig. She busted his own ass the day he met her and always made sure he never actually won against her in a sparring match. According to Joker, however, this was by far not all she was capable of. What kind of beast lurked behind those grey-brown eyes?
He looked at Shepard with a little suspicion when he entered the room to deposit the food. She thanked him, she had a grin on her lips, colour in her cheeks, new energy to her step, and a good mood to top it all. Sex, rest and a promise of a slightly better future would do that to a woman. Joker's words echoed through his head: this isn't really her.
