Chapter 31: Mr. Mallque and Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington or Mallque goes to D.C

Opening Credits

It seems today that all ya see

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

But where are those good, old-fashioned values

On which we used to rely

Lucky there's a Family Guy!

Lucky there's a man who

Positively can do

All the things that make us

Laugh n' Cry

He's

a

Fam

-ily

Guy!

End

Now we join the Mallque/Griffin house with Lois entering Stewie and Frank Jr room to put some of their toys in their closet.

"That's funny. I don't remember buying Stewie these toys." Lois said as she looks at stewie's clothing closet. As she thought the laser gun was a toy gun until she fire it and a hole was made. The hole reveal a secret lair with lots of military weapon and equipment that has the means to take over the world.

"Oh, my God! It all makes sense now. My baby is some kind of diabolical genius bent on world domination!" Lois said, as she gasp and looks around in shocked, as she finally now knows her son is pure evil.

Stewie slow clapping as he said "Bravo, Lois. The last horse finally crosses the finish line."

"Stewie! All these months I should've been paying attention to what you've been saying. You're an evil child. Why? Why did I have to go and smoke pot when I was pregnant with you?" Lois said as she revel that stewie was the result of getting high while pregnant.

"Cheer up, Mother. You should be proud. You've given birth to the future emperor of the world. Pity you won't be around to enjoy it. Cheerio!" Stewie said as his press a button that opens a hatch as Lois Screams and yells into the abysses. It the revels to be a dream as Frank Jr and his Father, Frank Sr are trying to wake up Lois.

"Grandma. Grandma! What is the matter? Frank Jr said as Lois wake up.

"I just had the strangest dream. Something about Stewie and Cheerios. It's gone." Lois said as she tries to remember what she dream about but the dream memory fades away.

"Is it true that you smoke weed while you were pregnant with stewie?" Frank asked her as he saw what Lois was dream about.

"What?" Lois said.

"What?" Frank Jr said.

"Well, come on, get up. It's opening day for the Sox. Hey, John, Tyler, Persephone. Chris, Meg, we're going to Fenway!" Peter said as he, Frank Jr got out of bed to revel they and Frank are dress up for the game.

"Peter, you can't pull the kids out of school for a baseball game." Lois agued with peter for trying to play hockey at their education.

"Aw, there's nothing these kids learn in school they can't learn on the street." Frank said as it sets a cutaway.

Cutaway

We see a ghetto neighborhood as two gang members hang out.

"It's 3:00. Where the hell is Louie?" gang member 1 asked.

"Well, you tell me. Louie left his house at 2:15 and has to travel a distance of 6.2 miles at a rate of 5 miles per hour. What time will Louie arrive?" gang member 2 asked.

"Depends if he stops to see his ho" gang member 1 answered.

"That's what we call a variable!" gang member 2 added.

Cutaway Ends

As we join the family in the living room with John, Persephone and Brain sitting on the couch with Meg leaning on the side as Chris come in with a sign for the game with Tyler.

"Look what I made for the game." Chris said he and Tyler are holds up sign reading John 3:16

"What does that mean, anyway?" Meg asked on what John 3:16 mean.

Brian reading from Bible as he said "And the Lord said, 'Go, Sox."'

As Frank Jr and Tyler dress as priests as they say "halluya"

"Frank, Dad, don't you two have to work today?" Meg asked her husband and father as they walk in in the Boston sox baseball uniforms.

"It's nothing a little phone call can't take care of." Peter said he pick up the phone as he calls Mr. Weed from the happy go lucky toy factory.

"Hello?" Mr. Weed said as he answer the phone call from peter at his office.

Mr. Weed? Frank and I cannot come to work today. I was in a terrible plane crash. Most of the entire family was killed, and Frank is a vegetable from the waist down. I'll see you tomorrow. Peter said as he hangs up the phone.

"Huh? Huh?" Frank said as he and Peter are trying to get a response from the youngest members of the family.

"Oh, please, Peter. Your excuses are lamer than FDR's legs." Brian said, as everyone else was Gasping to Brian response.

"Too soon?" Brian said, as he was bitch slap by Frank Jr and Frank as he said "yeah it was too soon dude."

"Yeah bad dog Brian, bad dog!" Frank Jr said to finish this communication

At a Red Sox game as we join a mother and a son who has a disease trying to catch the home run game ball.

"Here it comes, Jeremy!" Jeremy's Mom said as she see the ball coming at them.

"I got it! I got it!" Jeremy said as he is ready to catch the game ball but was denied by peter as he butts in by catching Jeremy's ball until Frank Jr kicked peter in the balls as he let's go of the balls. The ball went back to Jeremy's glove as he cheers for Frank Jr for give him a chance on dream. As another ball flies toward Frank Jr as he catches it.

"Yes! Yeah! All right! I'm the man! Yeah! Hold on to this, Stewie. It'll be a souvenir of your first major-league game with our Family." Frank Jr said for he pass his ball to stewie as he already feels good for save a kid's dream for getting the game ball.

"My God. I shall cherish this forever. I say, Opie, I'll trade you this baseball for your souvenir bat." Stewie said, as he is notice a boy with a bat as he offers a trade for the bat.

"Sure!" said Boy as they trade their items until stewie hits the boy to get his ball back.

"What did you learn?" Stewie said as he teaches the boy a lesson, do not trade stuff while watching a baseball game. Everyone in the family are enjoying the game.

"This is great. We haven't done anything together like this since we saw Mike Tyson get beat." Peter said as he sets a cutaway.

Cutaway

The scene shifts to a National Spelling Bee when we see a teen Mike Tyson competing.

"All right Mike, the word, again, is "onomatopoeia"" the moderator said.

"Uh..."C."" Mike answered.

"I'm sorry. That's incorrect" the moderator said.

"Oh, dang!" Mike cursed.

Cutaway Ends

"I'm so glad you talked us all into playing hooky." Lois said as she kiss peter on his idea for ditching work for watch a baseball game live.

"Me, too. Hey, maybe we can get on TV if we take our shirts off and run onto the field." Peter said as he is taking off his shirt to get himself on the jumbo screen.

"Peter, I'm not taking my shirt off." Lois said, as she is not showing her goods to the world.

"There. Now they're old news." Peter said as he pulls up Lois' shirt, showing her black bra aka her goods to the world.

"Peter!" Lois screamed as she puts her shirt down as peter went down drunk like an idiot screaming while Frank chasing him down.

"Go, Sox!" Peter said as he runs toward the bottom of the stadium until he tumbles down steps. He screaming until he crashes into a hotdog person.

"Hmmm." Peter hums as he rises with a hotdog in his nose. He then Snorting hot dog then Snorting mustard. As frank catches up with him as he grabs

"Peter?" Mr. Weed said as it reveals that he was also at the soxs game.

"Oh, uh, hi, Mr. Weed." Peter said as he gasps as he and frank are in trouble.

"Well, it seems you've made a full recovery." Mr. Weed:

"Oh, yeah. That plane crash I told you about, it turned out to be gas." Peter said as he is trying to make an excuse.

"Aha! Liar! Tomorrow, my office, 9:30." Mr. Weed said as Frank and Peter walk up to their seats as they were both busted.

"I'm tired of Mr. Weed treating me like a common doormat. I want him to treat me like one of those deluxe one from Pottery Barn with the fancy straw." Peter said as he take his seat. As he was, complain about his job.

"I don't care for Pottery Barn. Peter, if you want Mr. Weed to respect you, you're gonna have to earn it, me and Tyler are going to help you." John said as he and tyler are going to work with Frank and Peter.

"Well, thanks guys. You guys are the best." Frank said as he thanks John and Tyler for the help.

"Hmm, "earn it." Peter said as he Snorting drink.

At the happy go lucky toy factory.

"Why have you forsaken me?" Mr. Weed said as he cries in his desk as peter comes in with Frank John and Tyler to apologies to Mr. Weed for skipping work to go to a baseball game.

"Uh, Mr. Weed? I heard you ran into my identical twin brother at the ball game yesterday. And if you don't buy that, I'm sorry I was at the ball game yesterday." Frank said as he and peter are trying to apologies for what they did.

"Peter, I just received terrible news. This company has been taken over by a conglomerate. After 23 years of faithful service, I've been terminated!" Mr. Weed cried as he lost his job to the El Dorado Cigarette Company. They had taken over the toy factory and Peter is retained.

"Wow, the business world sure is funny." Peter said

Cutaway

The scene shifts to a scene in the TV show 'Dilbert'.

"Hey, Dilbert, what do you call it when a guy in middle management moves all the way to upper management?" Wally asked.

"I don't know. What do you call it?" Dilbert wondered.

"A promotion" Wally answered.

"Oh, thanks. Here's a memo" Dilbert hands Wally a piece of paper as both men walked away separately.

Cutaway Ends

"Well sometimes the business world's funny." Frank said as John and Tyler just roll their eyes in disgust.

At the happy go lucky toy factory with a new division of the El Dorado cigarette company.

"And so, on behalf of the El Dorado Cigarette Company I'd like to welcome you to our family. I think you'll be very happy with the changes we've made" Executive said to the works including John and Tyler. As Frank, Peter, John, Tyler and a follow work look around as they see the new change came in from the new division by having ping pong and pool.

"Aw, this is sweet!" Peter said to the new change at the toy factory until Frank, John and Tyler notice something that doesn't belong in the factory.

"Why are you putting a window in the middle of the factory?" Frank ask the Construction worker.

"So Aunt Bee has a place to let her pies cool." Construction worker said as aunt bee come near the window with a baked pie.

"Hello, boys. Today's pie is cherry. It'll be ready just in time for lunch." Aunt Bee said as she explain what is today as Tyler came close as he smell how good the pie it is.

"Wow, these guys sure know how to run a company." Peter said as he complement the company. As john judge this with a frown as he said, "I don't know about this you guys, but these people are acting fishy."

"What do you mean J-man? I do not think there is anything fishy here since these pies are delicious." Tyler said as he and frank are eating pie by the shit load but john sign as he slaps his forehead.

Meanwhile The El Dorado board members were watching their new employees like evil villains.

"Look how happy those morons are. They'll never realize we're using those toys to get children addicted to our company's cigarettes." Executive said as he and the rest of the El Dorado board members All Laughing maniacally as thunder claps from the background.

Then, The El Dorado board Executive then Whistles in his pet puddle.

"Good boy, Connor. Pull." The El Dorado board Executive said as he pets it until he gives him to his follow executive as he has his gun. Then other executive opens the window, the other executive throws Conner out the window as the The El Dorado board Executive shots Conner dead. Then The El Dorado board Executives All Laughing maniacally for the dogs' death.

At the Mallque/Griffin house in the kitchen, everyone was waiting for Frank, Peter, John and tyler to come home so they can eat their dinner.

"Can't we eat? I'm so hungry I could ride a horse." Chris said as he got Frank Jr confused by that weird response.

"I don't get it." Frank Jr said as he didn't get what Chris meant by that as he think it's impossible to ride horse while being hungry.

"Well, I could ride it to the store, I guess." Chris said as he is trying to explain what he going to do with that horse.

"I told you we're not starting without your father, your brother and the boys. Dinner just isn't dinner without them." Lois said

"Well, perhaps I could help simulate the experience." Stewie said as he throws face into food and he makes ridiculous noises. As Frank, Peter, John and Tyler walk in with box full of lobsters.

"Hey, family. Anyone in the mood for lobste-oh, God! One of them has my pupil!" Peter: Screaming as one of the lobsters has one of his pupils as frank tries to get the lobster to let go, until Frank Jr slaps the lobster into a hot boil pot as he closes the lid traping him there until the lobster dies.

"Peter, Frank, how the hell can you two afford lobster on your salarys?" Brian asked as he notice how expense lobster is.

"We got a raise." Frank said as Brian does a spit take from the news he got from Frank.

"What?" Meg ask in shocked as to how this happened.

"Yeah. The new owners gave everyone raises. Even Kenneth, the bad-ass mail clerk with the heart of gold." Peter said as he flash back on Kenneth.

Cutaway

The scene shifts to Peter and Frank's job.

"Hi, Kenneth. Hey, did I get any mail?" Frank asked as he and peter walk up to him.

"No! But if you come any closer, I'll slice you!" Kenneth threatened.

"Okay! Okay! Man, what a bad-a**!" Peter said to an employee.

"Yeah? That bad-a** just gave half his paycheck to orphans. Orphans with diseases!" the employee snapped as Frank and Peter looks at Kenneth while sentimental instrumental music plays as Peter and Frank smiles as they both nodded of approval.

Cutaway Ends

"And check out the new toys we're making." Peter said as he pulls out an ordinary girls children's toy that has a cigarette.

"Baby Smokes-A-Lot"? Meg said as she push the button on the back of the baby toy.

"Tastes like happy." Baby Smokes-A-Lot said as she smokes and Baby giggling.

"Cool! That's imitatable!" Chris said in excitement.

"What the hell? El Dorado Cigarettes? That's who bought your company, dad?" Frank Jr said in shocked

"Oh, my God! They're trying to corrupt our children!" Lois said as she is concerned about El Dorado immediately starts making toys to promote underage smoking.

"Well, what do you expect? Those bastards turned a whole generation of Americans into smokers with their damned subliminal advertising." Brian said as he sets up a cutaway.

Cutaway

The scene shifts to a scene in the TV show Lassie while Timmy and Ma are washing the dishes.

"Timmy, where's Lassie?" Ma asked.

"She's out in the orchard, Ma. Peaches are coming in mighty early this year." Timmy answered.

"Smoke!" Jerry appears in a white screen.

"You know what they say, Timmy, "Early peaches, long summer."" Ma said.

"Smoke!" Jerry repeats himself.

Lassie runs home while barking.

"What's that, Lassie?" Timmy asked as he pet the dog.

"Are you smoking yet?" Jerry demanded as he appeared in a white screen again.

Cutaway Ends

"Peter, if kids see this doll, they're gonna think smoking's okay. You have to talk to your new bosses first thing in the morning." Lois said as she prods Peter to confront the management about it.

"Don't you worry, Lois. I'll set them straight. Just like I did with Frank Jr and Chris." Peter said as he does, he sets a cutaway.

Cutaway

We see Peter, Frank Jr and Chris whale watching on a boat.

"Dad, what's the blowhole for?" Chris asked.

"yeah, what's the blowhole for anyway, Grandpa?" Frank Jr asked as well.

"I'll tell you what it's not for, you two. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World" Peter explained.

Frank Jr just stares at his grandfather in what his grandfather did in Sea world.

Cutaway Ends

At the happy go lucky toy factory executive office, Peter and Frank to confront the management about making toys to promote underage smoking.

"Gentlemen, we need to talk. My wife says you're trying to get kids to smoke." Peter said

"That's just not true." Executive said to defend the management.

"What about this toy?" Frank said as he pulls out Baby Smokes-A-Lot as the invidents.

"Frank, Peter, it's just a doll with a cigarette. I mean Barbie has a Dream Car, but you don't see every 8-year-old driving. They're just fun toys." Executive said trying to distract Frank and Peter.

"Smoke!" Jerry said as he trying to brainwash Frank and Peter with his subliminal advertising.

"Not now, Jerry. Trust me, Peter. The last thing we want is to get kids to start smoking." Executive as he shush jerry as frank and Peter caught on.

"What about that graph on the wall that says: "The first thing we want is to get kids to start smoking"?" Frank asked as he looks at one of the graph on the wall.

"That? Oh, that's just something my son made me in art class." Executive said as he is covering up.

"Then what about that poster that says: "The graph was not made in art class. We really do want kids to start smoking"?" Peter asked as he points at one of the graph on the wall exposing the lie in front of the executive.

"Look, we're a caring company. I mean, would frank really be the president and Peter the vice president of a company that didn't care about kids?" Executive said

"No. But I'm not the president and Pops isn't vice president." Frank said to that response.

"Yes, you are, if you want to be." Executive said as he and El Dorado board Men All Agreeing makes Frank the president and Peter the vice president of the toy company to distract them.

"Oh, wow. Imagine, us, presidents." Frank and peter said as they imagine being President of the united states.

Cutaway

Peter and Frank struts around the Oval Office as happy music is playing.

Cutaway Ends

"I'll do it!" Frank said as he agreed.

At the Mallque's/Griffins' kitchen

Peter sings, "Hail to the Chief" off-key as he and Frank walk in to pared themselves around the kitchen table.

"So how did it go?" Meg asked Frank as he stops to answer the question.

"I'm not finished yet." Frank said as Peter sings more "Hail to the Chief", as he said, "Aren't you gonna ask me how it went?"

"Yes! Did you talk to the company executives?" Lois asked as Peter sand more "Hail to the Chief" until John just slap peter to shut him up.

"Peter, Frank, answer Lois's question!" Tyler shouted.

"Yeah, we did! They made Frank president and me vice president." Peter said as he and Frank gain a promotion.

"Of the whole company?" Persephone asked in shocked.

"All right, Dad and Grandpa!" Frank Jr said as he and Chris congratulates them, by hi fiving them.

"You should've seen the way they were treating us. I never got that kind of respect before." Peter said as his flashback at past job.

Cutaway

Peter is seen working as a swimming coach.

"Great workout, Bobby" Peter complimented as Bobby got out of the pool.

"Up yours, sack breath!" Bobby taunted.

"That's "Mister Griffin"" Peter corrected.

Cutaway Ends

"But, Peter, why would they make frank president?" Lois asked.

"Maybe it's because Frank can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second." Peter said as he make Frank do a Yelp noise to prove a point.

"Peter that was just a loud yelping noise." Lois said.

"Jeez, Lois, I thought you'd be proud of me. After all these years, the company thinks I'm worth something. Wait till you see all the perks we're gonna get." Peter said.

At James woods reginal high school. We join Persephone and meg getting their stuff for next class until they meet an ugly girl as they closed their lookers.

"Um, hi. Can I help you?" Meg asked.

Some company hired me to stand next to you so you'd look better by comparison." Ugly Girl said as she was hired to stand next to Meg and Persephone so they'll look better by comparison

"That's ridiculous. I don't need..." Persephone said as boy from her class interrupted her.

"Persephone, did you get less ugly?" The boy asked

"Yeah!" Persephone said as she and Meg hug the ugly girl close so they can gain more popularity.

At the Mallque/Griffin house I nthe living room as Frank and peter asked everyone to close their eyes as they in for a surprise.

"Surprise!" Peter said he uncover Lois eyes as nothing has change in the living room.

"Everything looks the same." Lois said in a bland tone.

"Oh, it looks the same, but actually El Dorado Cigarettes has coated the entire inside of the house with a microfilm of Teflon, so it's easy to clean." Peter said as he explains that they don't have clean hard anymore.

"Oh!" Lois said until everyone slip and fell on the floor.

"Maybe I shouldn't have had them do the floors." Frank said as Frank and Stewie slip pass by them in the nude.

"We're "Nudes on Ice"!" Stewie shouted as they move around the living room on their butts

At the Mallque/Griffin kitchen, everybody was eating breakfast as Brian is smoking while Lois, forget her opposition on El Dorado Cigarette.

"This is so exciting. Frank's first day as President and Your father's first day as Vice president." Lois said as Frank and Peter walk in in their working suits.

"Good morning, First Family." Peter said as frank sips his morning coffee.

"Ooh, Mom, what's in this coffee?" Frank asked for what this amazing coffee come from.

"Isn't it wonderful? The company sent Martha Stewart to help me with the housework. I take back all the bad things I said about them. The coffee is delicious, Martha." Lois said as El Dorado hired Martha Stewart to help Lois around the house that make Lois forget her opposition.

"A little chicory perks up the taste of roasted coffee beans. It's a good thing." Martha Stewart said as she drinks a cup of coffee. But someone in the family name Brian is not swayed.

"Well, I think it's a crappy thing! In fact, this is my last cigarette, ever. You make me sick, letting yourselves be bought off with a few lousy perks." Brian said as he pledges to quit smoking.

"Oh, I beg to differ." Stewie said, as he is gain a massage by a male masseuse.

As it was up to Frank Jr, John and Tyler to fix this problem, but john and Tyler notice a marijuana joint on the floor next to Brian seat. They pick up the marijuana joint since the cigarette company took over the toy factory. As John wonders, why is this joint so troubling to the family? SO He, Tyler, Stewie, Frank Jr...In addition, of course the loveable Old James to smoke that joint. Oh, hold on. Wait a minute. Old James- Old James was not there. I do not even know nobody named Old James. Shoot. Go on! As Old James disappears from this story. As we join them at the garaged, as me the author of this fanfiction said, however, man, John and Tyler would never forget the first time they will smoked...that sweet, sweet chiva.

"Why don't you light it up there, J-man?" Tyler asked.

"All right. Here goes nothing." John said as he burning and inhaling vaporized cannabinoids from the joint as he pass it to Tyler.

"Feel anything?" Frank Jr asked as he looks at them as Tyler started to smoke the joint.

"Yeah, l feel my chest caving' in." Tyler said as he pass the joint to stewie.

"This stuff didn't even work." Stewie said as done smoking as he pass it to Frank Jr.

"Man!" Frank Jr said as he notice that the join mostly gone thanks to stewie, so now Frank Jr is safe from drugs today.

"Come on. Let's get some candy and get out of here, J-Man." As they went to the Quahog Mini-Mart, they didn't notice that they were walking very slow.

"I've heard people say they don't get high the first time they smoke. Not John. Oh, not them. They were really, really high. They was toe up!" Frank Jr said as he narrates what going on. They were in the snack ale as John went to get some candy but what he saw was crazy as he notice that his favorite candy is the size of a person.

"Do you guys feel different?" Frank Jr asked everyone.

"A little." John said as he continued eating the candy bar.

"How 'bout you, Tyler?" Frank asked Tyler as he was in the comic book isle as he read a sonic comic as sonic the hedgehog comes to life as he give him a thumb up as he said, "he is feeling it!"

"How you doing', Stewie? Stewie?" Frank Jr asked stewie as stewie appeared out of a slushy machine.

"l haven't been so thirsty….in my entire life." Stewie said as he was so thirsty.

"Do you guys hear that? Feels like Jerry Garcia's in my head. Am l going' crazy?" Frank Jr said as he was hearing somebody's music inside his own head.

"We look at that day as the day we met the fifth member of our crew- marijuana! Oh, Lord, they were hooked!" Frank Jr narrated as it zoom to stewie with a shocked look then to John with a Blake look, then to Frank Jr with him laughing and finally to Tyler as he is chilled out with a tie die shirt. As they walk away out of the Mini mart toward their home, let us see where frank and peter are doing.

At the happy go lucky parking lot. As peter and Frank are trying to find a parking space.

"Oh, you do not need to park here, Mr. Griffin. You have an executive parking space now." Valet said as he point out Frank's new parking space.

"But that looks exactly like my old space." Peter said as nothing has change.

"Yeah, but this one comes with your own company suck-up." Valet said as Frank's own company suck-up come in to greet his new boss.

"Morning, Mr. Mallque and Mr. Griffin. Nice day." Suck-up said.

"It's a little cloudy." Frank said.

"It's absolutely cloudy, one of the worst days I've seen in years. So, good news about the Yankees." Suck-up said

"We hate the Yankees." Peter said

"Pack of cheatters, that's what they are. I love your tie." Suck-up said

"I hate this tie." Frank said.

"It's awful, it's gaudy, it's gotta go." Suck-up said as he agreed on everything his new boss said.

"And I hate myself." Frank said as he is trying to make his suck up slip up.

"I hate you, too. You make me sick, you fat sack of crap." Suck-up said with a smile trying to suck up more.

"But I'm the president." Frank said.

"The best there is." Suck-up said.

"But you just said you hated me." Peter said.

"But not you, the president, the you who said you hated you who...love, hate, Yankees, clouds..." Suck-up said as he Starts to shake, Whirs, shakes violently, short circuits, malfunction as his head explodes.

"I'll have that fixed for you tomorrow, sir." Valet said as he pick up the suck up's body.

At the happy go lucky toy factory, Executive introduces Frank and Peter to their new offices.

"Here's your new digs. Now, get to work, sport. We're counting on you." Executive said as he leave Frank to do his own thing while peter does own thing as well.

"Wow. My own office. Well, I guess I'd better get busy." Peter said as he looks around his new office. Then he Pencil sharpening as he sighs. Then he tries to sticks finger in pencil sharpener. "Ah!" Peter yell in pain as he looks furtively around and unzips pants. Outside the office a prolonged screams

At the border directors with a Sinister, instrumental music play in the background.

"Gentlemen, we have a problem. There's an anti-smoking bill before Congress that could put us out of business." Executive said as he walk around the office to look at the view widow to look at his workers.

"Yes. Apparently causing cancer is this year's "hot button."" Executive 2 said while making a sarcastic hand jester.

"I don't understand it. We've tried everything to get through to these politicians. Harvard lawyers, lobbyists, wisecracking leprechauns." Executive said as he explains everything they done to get the politicians on their side.

"Excuse me. Do you have a dollar? I'm a little short." Leprechaun said as he Laughs at his own joke.

"Maybe that's the problem. They're all idiots in Washington. Instead of a smart guy, we should send Godd person and a moron they can relate to." Executive 3 said

"Yeah. Yeah. Good thought." Executives all said as they all agreed.

"But where are we going to find someone within the company who's that cool with people and who is that stupid?" Executive said.

"Yeah. In addition, the second person not just stupid. Fat, too." Executive two said.

"Yeah, yeah. That's exactly what we need." Executives said

"Hey, wait a second. Didn't we just make a fat, stupid guy Vice president?" Executive 3 asked.

"You bet we did. Gentlemen, our new tobacco lobbyist is That Guy and that guy!" Executive said as he points out Peter and Frank as they were spotted trying to cut their toggles by air fan.

Cutaway

We see Peter dressed up as the main character from That Girl and he is seen looking at the window, looking up the sky as a bird poops on his face, walking around and sees a reflection of himself wearing a black dress. He waves at himself but he winks back and Peter runs away scared as car crashes each other. Then he flies a kite with a picture of his face, but a mugger steals his purse. Luckily, Peter beats him up and at the end; he poses in a purple dress with flowers and smiles.

Singers:
Diamonds, daisies, snowflakes, That Guy?
Chestnuts, rainbows, springtime is That Guy?
He's tinsel on a tree?
He's everything that every guy should be?
Sable, popcorn, white wine, That Guy?
Gingham, bluebirds, Broadway is That Guy?
He's mine alone, but luckily for you?
If you find a guy to love?
Only one guy to love then he'll be That Guy, too?
That Guy!

Cutaway Ends

We join Frank and Peter at the chairmen office with the chief executive.

"So, uh, what's this big assignment you got for me, Chairman of the Broad?" Peter said as he and frank laugh.

""Chairman of the Broad." When did you become such a stitch?" Executive said as he Laughs at the joke.

"Don't you remember? You gave me writers. "Sir, I don't want to say you're rich, but when you walk into a bank, all the tellers go, 'Whoopee!"' That wasn't funny. I thought you guys said you were Jewish." Frank said as he realized that this joke was not funny as he argues with Peter's comedy writers.

"He's only half-Jewish." Writer said as he points to his blonde coworker.

"You're fired." Peter said as his former writer walk away.

"Here's the thing, Mallque, Griffin. Some troublemakers in Congress are trying to shut us down. We need someone important, like you two, to go down to Washington and help those bastards see what kind of fun-Ioving people the tobacco industry's really made of." Executive said.

"Washington? Ah, sweet. I'm your man. But I gotta warn you-I made enemies on the Hill." Peter said as he and Frank flashback on that day.

Cutaway

We see Peter at Capital Hill.

"And that's when Clarence Thomas forced me into his chambers and showed me lewd pictures" Peter explained.

"Mr. Griffin, we have indisputable evidence that not only have you never been in the same room as Clarence Thomas, you've never been in the same state. How do you respond to that?" the Senator asked.

"Baba Booey! Baba Booey! Howard Stern's Penis! Baba Booey! Baba Booey! Baba Booey!" Peter answered jokingly as he is drag away from the court room.

Cutaway Ends

We join the family eating dinner with Martha Stewart serving more ham slices.

"How long will Frank and Dad be in Washington?" Meg asked

"As long as it takes. Your Husband, He's a very important man now. You know, he's the spokesman for his entire industry." Lois said.

Cutaway

There is a montage of Frank and Peter in cigarette ads. Including one with Frank riding on top of a woman in a bikini while surfing with the words 'Alive with Flavor'. Peter riding a donkey on a desert with the words 'Welcome to Smoking' Country'. A magazine ads features Peter as a parody of the Marlboro Man, drawn like Joe Camel, and Frank laughing while having drinks with women with the captions 'You've Come a Long Way Honey'.

Cutaway Ends

Now we join them at the living room whileMartha Stewart is arranging the room.

"Thank you, Martha. Brian, could you pass me the TV Guide?" Lois thank Martha while asking Brian for the TV guild.

"Piss off!" Brian said as he was in no mood.

"What?" Lois shouted by that response.

"I'm sorry. It just feels like forever since I've had a smoke. I'm just a bit testy. Stop staring at my tail!" Brian said as he shouted a meg to stop looking at his tail until Frank Jr bitch slaps him off the couch then Frank Jr sets Brian off like a golf ball. Then he sends Brian out of the house threw the widow.

At Washington D.C, we join Frank and Peter near the white house calling Mr. Harrison.

"Hello, Mr. Harrison? Yeah, we see those government guys you were telling us about. Me and Peter will show them a good time and bring them around to our side. Excuse me. Al Gore, George W. Bush?" Frank said as he and peter drive next to the government guys.

"Yes?" Al Gore answer.

"Yes?" George W. Bush as well answer.

"Ah, great. And what's your friend's name?" Peter asked.

"Dick Armey." Al Gore replied.

"No, seriously. What's his name?" Peter said Laughs at the name as he asked again.

"Dick Armey." Al Gore replied again.

As Peter Laughs again at the name.

"Oh, I just got it." Al Gore said as he Laughs at the joke.

"Hey, Armey. What's your wife's name? "Vagina Coast Guard"?" Frank said as he laughs at the name as well.

"Nah, I'm kidding, you guys. Hey, get in the car. We're going to a skin bar." Peter said as he offers them to go to a strip club for fun.

"Great. Yeah. Sounds good." The D.C People All said as they enter Peter's car.

At the oval orifice all girl revue skin bar, a U.S senator just kill a hocker while his buddy just arriver to see what happed.

"Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I don't know what happened!" Senator said as he was hype ventilating as to what happened. Frank and Peter arrived to calm down the senator.

"Whoa, it's okay, it's okay, Senator. This girl didn't have a family. It'll be like she never existed. Now grab a hold of yourself. All right. Now, listen. You may have killed her when you shoved those dollar bills down her throat. You may have killed her when you hit her with the stool. I don't know. I'm not a doctor. But I'll tell you what didn't kill her. Smoking!" Frank said as he holds a pack of cigarettes.

"You have our support, Mallque." Al Gore said as he agreed to el dorados plan with the other senators.

At the Mallque/Griffin house where everyone was reading magazines with picture of Frank and Peter on them.

"Look, kids. Here's your father in People magazine with Jim Carrey. And they're both "Smokin'!" I loved that in Mask. "Smokin'!" "Smokin'!" "Smokin'!"" Lois said as she repeats the word smoking until Brain could handle it anymore.

"Damn it! Do I have to listen to this drivel 24 hour a day? But I guess anything's better than looking at your smelly face!" Brian shouted to everyone as he insulted meg of her face.

"Mom!" meg said as she was insulted.

"Honey, your face smells fine. You know he doesn't mean it. It's just the lack of nicotine." Lois said as she explains Brian's behavior until Frank Jr appears right in front of Brian.

"Well It doesn't go well with me or my boys." Frank Jr said as he punches Brian, hoping that it will support Lois's claim that Brian's behavior isn't funny. John and Tyler also beat Brian up, only to make him cry more and scream in pain.

"Hey, Mom, the school janitor said that Frank and Dad's working for the bad guys. And he said it through a hole in his throat." Chris asked as he questions Frank and Peter's working for bad people.

"Well, That doesn't make him right." Lois said.

"If I had a hole in my throat, I'd put pennies in it!" Chris said as he talks something stupid.

"Listen, your father's doing great work, and life's never been better." Lois said

"Yes, I, too, applaud the oaf for finally showing some initiative. God knows he was years overdue." Stewie said as he lights a cigarette while John and Tyler smoke a joint.

Lois Gasps and Frank Jr while he forgotten what happened do to being exposed by marijuana, he was also shocked on what's happened

"You know who I saw at the market today? Patty Croft. Oh, and she has gotten fat!" Stewie said as he smokes until Lois grabs the cigarette and destroys it. Frank Jr slaps John and Tyler out of smoking the joint.

"Oh, my God! Stewie, John, Tyler, no! Oh, God. What have I done? I knew smoking was bad, but I still sold my soul. And for what? Martha Stewart? Come on, kids. We gotta put a stop to this. Now!" Lois said as she and the kids follow Peter to Washington, D.C. leaving Martha Stewart alone in the house.

"Finally." Martha Stewart said as she Sighs and Farting as she leaves the living room.

The scene where there is an anthropomorphic legal bill singing on the steps of the U.S. Capitol Building is a reference to the 1970s educational movie series School-House Rock. As Schoolhouse Rock music is playing."? They call me Bill, yes, they call me Bill? And I'm standing here on Capitol...?" Bill said as he screams by a custodian, as he cleans up paper on the U.S. Capitol Building stairs. As we join Frank and Peter talking to Bob dole.

"Bob Dole's a friend of the tobacco industry. Bob Dole likes your style. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole..." Bob Dole said as he falls asleep from his own banter. As Lois and Meg come in dragging John and Tyler by ear.

"There you are! Peter, I caught Stewie smoking." Lois said as she shows Peter and Frank what Stewie did.

"that's not the worse of it, we caught john and Tyler smoking marijuana. That cigarette company is evil. We can't be a part of this anymore." Meg begs frank to stop to save their family.

"Lois, Meg, this is the best job we ever had! Hey, since Frank became president, profits have been higher than Alyssa Milano." Peter said as he Laughs while frank look concerned by that response and his family addicted to smoking.

Cutaway

We see a real life Alyssa Milano watching the Family Guy episode on her TV in her house.

"What kind of cheap shot...Joel!" Alyssa shouts.

"I'm suing. I'm suing. I'm on it" Joel responds as he answers a phone call on his desk.

Cutaway Ends

"Mr. Mallque and Mr. Griffin, time for your speech." The Aide said that it's on.

"But, dad, Frank, what about your son, John and Tyler? Meg said as she begs them to stop again.

"So John and Tyler had a puff. They are old enough to make their own decisions. For God's sakes, Lois, Meg, he's 14. Cut the umbilical cord!" Peter said as he doesn't let Frank talk as he and peter walk in and are easily able to communicate with the congressmen. Frank prepares to deliver his speech on the floors of congress assembled,

As congressmen Applauding.

"Ladies and gentlemen of Congress, Me and Pops here today to talk about smoking." Frank said his speech.

"Please, frank, do the right thing." Lois said as she hopes frank do the right thing.

"I know a lot of you are already on my side. And for you naysayers, I have two strong words for you: come on! Come on!" Peter said as he eggs them on.

"Okay, sure. All right. Done." All Congressmen agreed

"Thank you, ladies and..." Frank said but hears someone in the back coughing.

"Baby needs to suck ash! Baby needs to suck ash! Not "ass," you pervert. Save it for the interns." Stewie said as he is coughing as he grabs a guy's cigarette and other guys lighter until the guy misinterpret what Stewie said as a gay thing for later.

"Is that a baby? Oh, my God! That's Stewie! Mom was right Pops! What the hell we're we think! Children under 4 shouldn't smoke! Look, I don't care about this stupid job anymore. Cigarettes are bad!" Frank said as he now tells Congress to reject El Dorado's proposal.

"Mr. Mallque is right! Smoking is a horrible vice! It shortens life expectancy and pollutes our air. And according to recent polls, air is good" Congressman said as he was convincing by frank's speech.

"Cigarettes killed my father and raped my mother!" Congressman 2 said as he revels a truth as every congressman Gasps by that revelation.

"Gentlemen, I propose we send a message to tobacco companies everywhere by fining the El Dorado Cigarette Company infinity billion dollars!" Congressman Frank said as he imposes a fine of infinity billion dollars.

"That's the spirit, Frank! But I think a real number might be more effective. All in favor of fining this evil tobacco giant $100 million, say "Aye"!" Congressman 3 said as he and the rest of the congressmen go on a man hunt for the people that are responsible.

"Aye! Aye!" Congressmen said.

"But that'll bankrupt us!" Executive said as his company is bankrupting in the process.

"Oh, you mean the way you've morally bankrupted America?" Frank said as he made a joke while the Congressmen are Laughing.

"Thanks for that zinger, boys. Now, give me a snappy line to go out on." Peter said asking for more jokes by his writers.

"Actually, our lunch is here." Writers said as they walk for lunch leaving peter alone on stage.

"Well, that's my mama!" Peter said as he Stuttering and Laughing nervously, then he run to follow Frank.

[Heroic instrumental music]

Which brings John and Tyler to the outside of the U.S. Capitol Building, where they had to make things right with Persephone and the family.

"Hi.' John and Tyler said as they talk to frank about their addiction.

"Are you?" frank said as he asked that are they clean.

"A little bit from yesterday." Tyler said

"you know, when Kenny got, But-But-But, Mary Jane, listen. We're done. We're done buying' it. We're done smoking' it. This is the last of it, right here. we just wanted you guys to see us get rid of it.' John said as he held the last joint.

"Could we just have a- a moment alone?" Tyler said.

"Do what you gotta do." Frank said as he and the family leave toward the car to go home.

"Be strong." Persephone said to john.

"Thanks, Persephone." John said as he and tyler talk to the joint.

"Mary Jane, being' with you these past 11 years has been wonderful. But we gotta move on." Tyler said as they imagine the joint is a back women face on it.

"Come on. Smoke me. Have a quickie for old time's sake." Mary Jane said as she trying to get them to smoke her.

"No. She's looking." John said

"She's looking." Tyler reply his response as they are trying to quit.

"All right. Really quick." Tyler reply as he wants one for the road but john slaps the lighter off Tyler hand.

"No. No! lt wouldn't be right. Goddamn you!" John said as he throws the joint away in traffic.

"You'll be back!" Mary Jane said as she lands on Brian's hand.

"Everything work out okay?"

Yeah. Let's go home." John said as they leave D.C, Lois cognates Frank for doing the right thing in the back of the car, while Brian smokes the joint that landed on his hand, outside the window of the back of the car. Until Frank and Frank Jr beat the shit out of him and tell him that, this family is going to be clean. As Frank Jr looks at the fourth wall at the audiences he narrates,

"l know, l know, what you're thinking'. That old John and Tyler sold out, right? But let Frank Jr tell you something. they love weed, okay? they love it. But not as much as Tyler loves the family and John loves Persephone's pussy."

The End.

As cut to the Griffins backstage features a reminder from the cast about the risks of killing strippers.

"hi. I am Frank G Mallque from Family Guy Mallque Chronicles. You know, we've had a lot of laughs tonight but I'll tell you what's not funny. Killing strippers." Frank said as he remind the readers of killing strippers.

"Strippers are people, too. Naked people who may be willing to pleasure you for a price you negotiate later behind the curtain at a vip room." John also explain the uses of the strippers.

"Besides, there's no need to kill them. Cause most of them are already dead inside." Tyler said as he explain to everyone that strippers are already suicidal.

"Good night everyone." Said Frank Jr as everyone in the family wave's good-bye.

Chapter ends.

Okay and THAT IS IT for this chapter! Well...I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thank for pen123, Thank you all for cutaways, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas, also to Family Guy Fan writer 15, have ideas just pm me and thanks for reading ^_^