Chapter 33: And the Wiener is

Opening Credits

It seems today that all ya see

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

But where are those good, old-fashioned values

On which we used to rely

Lucky there's a Family Guy!

Lucky there's a man who

Positively can do

All the things that make us

Laugh n' Cry

He's

a

Fam

-ily

Guy!

End

We join everyone at the quahog lake in wintertime ice-skating while Frank Jr, John, Tyler, Brain and Stewie making snowballs for their snowball fight.

"Look, Persephone, Meg, I'm that pretty dark-haired figure skater with the horse teeth, the one who got what she had coming." Lois said as she did a figure eight on the ice.

"Nice figure eight, Mom." Meg and Persephone said as they leave the figure eight alone until quagmire skates two ice nipples into the figure eight and turning it into giant ice boobs.

"Ha! All right!" Quagmire said at to his work.

Now we join the Swanson family on top of a hill ready to sliding down with Joe as the sled.

"OK, Bonnie. One, two, three, push!" Joe said as he, Zeke and Kevin were push down the hill by bonnie.

"Oh! Ah! Whoa!" Joe said until he lost control as Zeke and Kevin jump off.

"My God! I can walk! It's a mira...!" Joe said as he recover from crashing down the hill. Suddenly He regained movement of his legs for a brief time.

"Sorry, Dad." Zeke said as he accidentally ran into him, re-paralyzing him.

"Just get the chair." Joe said as he gave up until he realize he can still has the ability to walk, so he just fake for now.

We join Frank Jr and his gang having their snowball fight, we see Brian threw a snowball at Stewie right on his buttocks.

"Good shot. Made my brown eye blue with that one." Stewie said as referencing the Crystal Gayle song "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue" and the oft slang reference to the anus as a "brown eye" and flesh turning blue in the cold.

"Yeah. Next one's coming for your head!" brain said as he and his team prepares the snowball for an assult as they chase stewie.

"Oh, no! No, help! Oh, help!" Stewie said as he runs from John, Tyler and Brain behind a tree leading them to a trap.

"What the hell?" John said as he saw stewie is armed with some sort of cannon.

"Now is the winter of your discontent!" Stewie said as he then attacks John, Tyler and Brian with a snowball cannon, exclaiming, "Now is the winter of your discontent," paraphrasing a line from Richard III by William Shakespeare.

After a few seconds of waiting a black hair boy hop over and sat on the counter. The rest of the team smile. Frank Jr was here and survive the attack.

"Did ya miss me?" Frank Jr ask.

Stewie stood in shock to see Frank Jr as he see Frank Jr pick up a nearby drink and drink it. Stewie watch as the drink pour out of small hole on Frank Jr, which weird all of them out.

Frank Jr saw what happen and said, "I guess not!"

He jump down and watch as stewie ready his snowball cannon again. Frank Jr just look at them with a look showing he was not joking around anymore.

"Now you just got to ask yourselves one question, 'Do I feel lucky'?" he said before rising his own snowball cannon with 12 more, "Do ya, punks?"

Stewie lower his snowball cannon and ran. Frank Jr flap all her snowball cannon and snowball cannon drop out and floated to the ground. Frank Jr laugh and swings his snowball cannon before closing them going back down to his pockets.

"You wanna race? On your mark, get set, go!" Peter is sure that his son Chris will never beat him at anything, as they have a skating race.

"First to where that Pakistani girl fell through the ice after coming to the States for her severely burned face she got when the man she refused to marry dumped sulphuric acid on her, wins. I win!" peter said as he beat Chris at ice-skating.

"Yes! Yes! In your face! In your face!" as peter rubs it in Chris face.

"In my face! In my face!" Chris said as he cheers on his father's victory until a hand come out of the ice and it grabs peter.

"Ahh! No! Acid girl! It's acid girl! Ahh!' Peter said as he trying to get free from the hand by stomping on it.

Meanwhile at James Woods high school, Meg and Persephone are trying out for the cheerleading squad.

"James Woods High! Whoo!" said the cheerleaders as they practice their rotini.

"Hey, guys." Persephone said as she and Meg went to apply for the team.

"What do you want?' Connie asked to why the griffin twin are here.

"Me and Meg are trying out for cheerleading." Persephone said.

"Peter Rabbit would be wise to stay out of Mr. McGregor's garden. Why don't you try the flag girl's squad?" Connie said as she point at the flag girl's squad as it show girls has braces, one with a wooden leg, one with a big butt, one with a mustache and the last was normal so the twin asked her.

"Are you trying out for flag girl?" Meg asked her.

The girl answer but she garbled her tongue as it revel that her tongue is long.

At the drunken clam, Peter beats Andy at darts Cleveland is seen holding a mug of beer

"Yes! I win again, Andy." Peter said to Andy at his winning streak.

"One more before the missus notices I'm not on the couch." Andy said asking for one more game.

"Too late!" Andy's wife said as she enters the bar, Cleveland has a glass of milk. They get into a long argument.

"Hey, careful, Quagmire." Peter said as he warns Quagmire about the beat up cloud.

"Don't get too close to that thing." Frank said to Quagmire, as he accidentally gets involved.

"Did I just get laid?" Quagmire asked as he clean himself out think that Andy wife must of pleasure him while beating up Andy.

"Nice game, Peter." Joe said to peter as everyone is at the counter of the bar.

"I'm on a roll. I whipped Chris on the ice today." Peter brag to his friend and their adopted older sons about beat Chris in everything

"Enjoy it while it lasts." Cleveland said to peter that it's not going to last.

"It's only a matter of time before he beats you." Menma said to peter saying that Chris is going to beat him at something eventually.

"What? I'm better than him at everything: Sports, video games, even magic tricks." Peter said as he flashback on the magic tricks.

Cutaway

Peter, Chris, and Lois are sitting on the couch.

"(Laughs) got your nose!" Chris joked as he pretended to take Peter's nose.

"Oh, yeah? Well, I got your face" Peter retaliated as he actually peeled off Chris's face. Chris screams and runs around.

"Calm down, Chris. It's only a trick" Lois said as she sips a cup of tea.

Cutaway Ends

"Face it, sooner or later you'll have to pass the torch." Zeke said as he sips his beer.

"I remember the first time Kevin beat me. I was so proud, I gave him a little congratulatory punch in the arm. Then another. Then everything got hazy. Kevin went to live with a foster family for a while..." Joe said as he feel he just made this conversation got awkward.

"It's inevitable. Don't feel bad." Zeke said

"I think I know why your son beat you. Apparently, you're a 12-year-old prepubescent girl. Which is good, cos I finally have someone to give this training bra too. Here, Josephina. Does it feel good on your new budding bosoms? It sure does..." peter said as he put one of Meg's training bra on Joe making fun of him.

"Get the hell off me!" Joe shout trying to get the bra off.

Meanwhile at the Mallque/Griffin house, on TV we see Rudolph the red nose reindeer in an oncologist's office.

"Rudolph, we figured out what makes your nose red." The doctor said.

"Is it pixie dust or leprechaun tails?" Rudolph asked.

"No, it's a tumor." The doctor answer him by give him the bad news about that his famous glowing nose is caused by a malignant, inoperable brain tumor.

"You mean like a magical Christmas tumor?" Rudolph asked trying to make the news good.

"No, a malignant tumour, the base of which is lodged deep within your brain." The doctor trying to calm him down.

"Oh. Like a happy special..." Rudolph asked trying to make the news good again.

"You're going to die." The doctor shut him up by giving him the business as Lois turns off the TV. Then Meg and Persephone enter the dine room with good news.

"Hey, everybody, guess what we are now." Persephone asked the family a question.

"The end results of a drunken backseat grope fest and a broken prophylactic?" Stewie said as he insulted them until Frank Jr and John slap him off his high seat.

"We're on the flag girl squad!" Meg said as she and Persephone feel proud of themselves.

"Oh, honey, congratulations." Lois congratulates her twin daughters by hugging them.

"Way to go Persephone." John said as he handshakes her.

"Hey, Chris, Tyler. I bet you two can't do this." Peter said as he sticks a spoon on his nose.

"I bet we can!" Chris said as he and Tyler stick their spoons on their noses

"We perform at all the football games. We're practically cheerleaders!" Persephone said with much cheer.

"That's wonderful. Isn't that wonderful, guys?" Lois said as she trying to get everyone to cheer for them.

"Way to go, Mom and Aunt Persephone." Frank Jr said quickly as he looks at Peter's competition with Chris and Tyler. As peter has a tea cup with a plate on his head, a spoon lodged in his left ear and a fork lodged on his right ear. The boy has all of that vice versa.

"Chris and Tyler, I'll see your forks and raise you a gravy ladle." Peter said as he puts a grave ladle to hang on his lodged spoon on his left ear.

"You're on!" Chris and Tyler said as they put mash potatoes on their tea cups with plates on their heads.

"So, you're a flag girl. That's great, Meg." Brian said as he cuts his stake.

"Yes, yes. Now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call." Stewie as he and Brian snicker until John body slams them with Frank Jr doing "you can't see me" body slam.

"All right. Salt shaker up the nose." Peter said as he put a salt shaker up his nose

"We got pepper." Tyler said as he and Chris put the pepper up their nose un til they sneeze.

"Ha-ha! Yes! I win!" Peter said as he cheers at his victory over Chris and Tyler.

"That was fun, Dad!" Tyler said as he had fun with this contest.

"I'm the man! Yeah! Ahh!" Peter said as he brags over his victory until he trips with all the stuff that were on his head and face.

"Grandma Lois, go get the medical dictionary and look up "fork" and "lung. " Frank Jr said to her grandma as he sees Peter on the floor, hurt with fork lodge right in his right lung.

"Why?" Lois asked her grandson.

"Time's a factor, Lois." Peter shouted as he has fainted.

Meanwhile at James wood regional High school at the school's lookers with Meg and Persephone dress in their flag girls uniform getting their stuff from their lockers with John and Tyler. Until Neil Goldman arrive with his av equipment.

"Say, Persephone, looking sharp. You want to go out after the game tonight?" Neil asking her again which annoyed both John and Persephone.

"Neil, She is a flag girl now." John explain to Neil that she is too good for him.

"I'm way too cool to be seen with you." Persephone said as she flips her hair.

"Really? Not even if I smoke this corncob pipe?" Neil said as he put a corncob pipe in his mouth as he pretends to smoke. While John and Tyler just rolls their eyes.

"Hey you guys." Meg said as she and Persephone walk towards the popular kids.

"Are we all ready to cheer at the game tonight?" Persephone asked Connie.

"We? Oh, you made flag girl, huh?" Connie said as the twins meant the game.

"Yeah. This morning my mom was, like, "Don't forget your lunch" Meg said.

"And I'm all "I'm a flag girl now, I won't forget my lunch" Persephone said.

"And she's all "Don't forget your halftime routine." Meg said.

"Moms!" Meg and Persephone said.

"Hey, maybe we could all, like, hang out after the game." Persephone

"Go, team!" Persephone said as she and Meg jump as they leave.

"Uncool people are like animals." Connie said, as she did not enjoy talking to them.

"You want to go feed the science club after school?" Connie's friend said.

Meanwhile at the James woods high school football game, The Mallque/Griffin family are waiting for Meg and Persephone flag girl routing.

"Look at me." Stewie said as he trying to get Frank Jr and Brain attention while pretending that he smoking.

"Look at me, I'm smoking. Dog, dog, look, look...Alcohol doesn't really make you warmer. It constricts the blood vessels..." Stewie said as he trying get Frank Jr and Brain attention while pretending that he smoking again until Brain get his booze from his jacket.

"Shut up." Frank Jr said as he slaps the booze bottle off, brain get piss off.

"Frank Jr just told me to shut up. I demand to know what you plan to do about this. Hey! Hey! The dog just told me..." Stewie said as he trying to tell Lois that Frank Jr just told him to shut up.

"Be quiet, Stewie." Lois said as she told her son to shut up as well.

"Freezing my nips off out here." Stewie said while pretending that he smoking

"Oh, look, there's Meg and Persephone." Lois said as John and Tyler look at Meg and Persephone come out to the field with the rest of the flag girl squad.

"Meg! Persephone! Meg! Persephone! Meg and Persephone!" Lois and John shouted at the wins to get their attention but they were ignore by the popular kids.

"Hi, there." the popular kids said to the twins.

"Here we go." Meg said to her squad as they did their routine while they the marching band plays "Electric avenue".

"Isn't she beautiful?" John said to Tyler about Persephone

"Yeah, but I think she's with that guy. They've held hands all night." Tyler said as he was talk about somebody else.

"I mean Meg." John said as he corrects Tyler about his crush.

"Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's hot." Tyler said as he eats a hot dog.

Meanwhile the popular kids are ready pelted the flag girl squad with rancid meat.

"Oh! This meat stinks something fierce!" the jock said as he fill the rancid meat on a catapult.

"This'll knock her down a couple notches." Connie female friend said as Meg and her squad were almost finished with Persephone doing the slips while catching Meg's flag. Until Meg and Persephone were pelted by rancid meat.

"Yea, Meg and Persephone! Oh, man, I love how these kids celebrate these days!" Peter said as he throws his hot dog at meg as it hits her.

Meanwhile at the YMCA Recreation center, we join Peter and Frank vs Chris and Tyler on a game of hops while Brain and Frank Jr were the referee.

"What do you got? What do you got? Huh? Huh? Come on." Peter said as he is egg Chris to lose the ball but Chris is not having that. As he bump peter and pass the ball to Tyler, then Tyler scores the point.

"Come on, ref. That's charging." Peter asked Brian and Frank Jr why are they not counting that charging from Chris and Tyler.

"Your feet were moving. No foul." Frank Jr said as the game continued.

"No foul?! Oh, that's a stupid call! And I know something about stupid calls." Peter said as we set up a cutaway.

Cutaway

Lois reads a book as the phone rings.

"Hello?" she answered.

"I can't take out the garbage. I'm at the office and they're making me stay late" Peter said, off-screen.

"Peter, the caller ID says you're calling from the kitchen. In fact, I can see you" Lois sees Peter eating a piece of fried chicken as he hides.

"Can you see me now?" Peter asks.

"No" Lois answered.

"Then I'm in the office" Peter added.

Cutaway Ends

"Score's tied, next basket wins." Frank said as he gives Chris the ball.

"You two might finally beat the old man." Brain said as he a comment to Chris and Tyler.

"Old man? I'm the white Larry Bird." Peter said as he and Frank continued the game of basketball

"What do you got? What do you got? Huh? Come on!" Frank said as he blocks Chris until Chris pass him to make the shot.

"Your mother and I are getting a divorce!" Peter shouted as he trying to off Chris and Tyler game.

"You are?" Chris said as he stops playing until Peter grabs the ball to make the shot as he wins the game.

"Yes! Yes! Oh, no, we worked it out." Peter cheered and told Chris that it was a lie; he and Lois are still together.

"Yes!" Frank said until John and Frank Jr jump peter for that lie and started beating him.

Now we join the guys going at the sauna for a good work out.

"Son, Tyler, you two played good, but this old man is still number one." Peter said as they enter the sauna.

"Yeah, I don't think I'll ever beat you." Chris said as he and the guys remove their towels

"Hey, Chris, what's with your leg?" Tyler asked as he look down at Chris's leg.

"Oh, my God! That's not your leg!" Frank Jr and Peter shout at the shock that they discovers Chris has an enormous penis, easily bigger than their own Suddenly they feel insecure.

Meanwhile at the Mallque/griffin House at night, Peter is having a hard time sleeping.

"Ah aww aww ah." Peter Groaning.

"What's wrong, honey?" Lois asked her husband what happing today.

"I'll tell you, I try to make love to you and you think about Chris." Peter said something gross trying to make an excuses.

"Is there something you need to tell me?" Lois asked again.

"Thanks to you, our son has a huge wang." Peter said the truth.

- Thanks to me? Lois asked again

"He didn't get it from me." Peter said

"What are you talking about?" Lois asked again

"I'll show you, Frank Jr It time to show Lois the thing." Peter said as he and Frank Jr lead Lois to Chris room to show his special gift.

"All right, stand back, Grandma Lois." Frank Jr said as he opens the covers while Chris is sleep to see his wang.

"Oh, my. No wonder he's always slouching." Lois said as she thought why chris is like himself because of his wang.

"How did this happen? I'm supposed to be the man of the house. You must be ashamed of me." Peter said as he is becoming insecure with himself.

"Oh, Grandpa, Grandma Care about you as much about the size of your penis as you care about the size of her breasts." Frank Jr said trying to make his grandfather better.

"Oh, my God!" Peter shouted as he ran out of the room in shame.

Now we join the Family eating dinner as Persephone mellows at her food.

"You can't let those awful popular kids get to you, sis." Meg trying to cheer her twin up.

"They won't. I'm never going back to that school again." Persephone said as we switch over to Chris, Tyler, John, Frank, Frank Jr and Peter.

"Dad, John and Tyler, could you help me with my algebra?" Chris asked them

"You're a big man." Tyler said

"You figure it out." John said trying to make Chris penis small by not helping him.

"oh for fuck sake, just let it go already!" Frank said by shouting.

"I bet there's a part of you that wants to be friends with them." Lois trying to cheer Persephone up.

"Maybe." Persephone said

"So be nice to them."

"Win your enemies over with unflappable kindness." Meg trying to cheer her twin up.

"Chris, drink your milk. It'll make you big." Lois said trying to help Chris grow.

"No! No more milk for him. He's had enough. Give me that." Frank Jr said as he kick the crap out of John, Tyler and Peter and drank all the milk for himself.

"Megan, Persephone, you two must try the brisket. I'll serve it in the manner to which you're accustomed."

"Oh!" Both Meg and Persephone said as they were pelted by Stewie's Brisket.

"Come talk to me sometime, sweetheart. Me and my crew know what it takes to be cool." Stewie said.

Cutaway

Stewie is wearing a tuxedo as he sits while smoking a cigarette. Stewie sings Elton John's "Rocket Man", imitating William Shatner's infamous performance of the song at a 1978 science fiction film awards ceremony

Stewie

She packed my bags last night pre-flight

Zero hour nine AM

And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then

As Tyler appears on Stewie right as he sing his part While he imitating William Shatner's infamous performance second part while being worried.

Tyler

And I think it's gonna be a long long time

'Till touch down brings me round again to find

I'm not the man they think I am at home

Oh no no no I'm a rocket man

Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone

As Frank Jr appears on Stewie Left as he sing his part While he imitating William Shatner's infamous performance third part while acting all loopy.

Frank Jr

And I think it's gonna be a long long time

'Till touch down brings me round again to find

I'm not the man they think I am at home

Oh no no no I'm a Rock-it man

Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone

Cutaway Ends

"Oh, yeah. That's the good stuff." Frank Jr said as stewie looks at Frank Jr as he took his fantasy.

Meanwhile at James wood regional High school at the school's parking lot where all the popular kids park their cars and hang out.

"Hi, you guys.' Persephone said as she arrives at the schools parking lot with her sister Meg.

"God, it's her." Connie moun while hating on the griffin twins.

"Look, about the other night..." Connie trying to tell the twins the truth until the twin interrupted her.

"Oh, that was hilarious." Meg said.

"I just wish we'd known ahead of time. I would've brought potato salad!" Persephone said, as they were cool with it.

"You guys want tomorrow's biology test?" Persephone said as she revels answers for tomorrows biology test.

"Whoa! How'd you get that?" Connie friend asked the twin on to how they get these answers.

"My sister spent the night with Mr Burler." Persephone said.

Cutaway

Meg tries to stay awake while holding on a wooden mallet and horn as her biology teacher is sleeping while holding on to a cross and wears a garlic necklace.

"Ah, the sun's up. I'm safe for another night. Thanks, Meg" Mr. Burler smiles as he wakes up.

Cutaway Ends

"Wow thanks" Connie said thanking the twins.

"See ya." Persephone said as she and Meg leave them to go to class.

"That was kinda cool." Connie said.

"Yeah." Connie's Friend said.

"I'm bored."

"Wanna go push the janitor, knowing he can't legally push us back?" one of two jocks said.

"Sure!" Connie said.

"OK, cool. Let's go do it." All the popular kids said as they goes toward the school.

Meanwhile at the Shop 'N Shop, the Mallque/Griffin family are shopping for food.

"Hey, Dad, Guys. Look at these little bananas." Chris said as he make fun of tiny bananas

"Why, you smug little bastard!" Peter said as he gets piss off.

"Peter! Chris, these are plantains. And there's nothing wrong with them. In fact, a lot of women prefer them to normal-size bananas, because they're exotic and flavorful and very, very special."

"Sure, all the sorority girls are clamoring for the plantain section." Peter said a smacking remark.

"Stop with this!" Frank Jr said while doing the talking hand to Lois face.

Look, Peter, You are overreacting to this Chris stuff. I mean, mine goes inside me when I stand up. How do you think I feel? Brain said trying to cheer him up until he, John and Tyler leave with stewie and Frank Jr.

"Is Dad mad at me?" Chris asked his mom.

Oh, of course not, honey. Go pick out a box of cereal and meet me at the ten-inches-or-less line. Items!" Lois said to Chris as he leaves and told him to get a box of cereal.

Now we join Peter, John and Tyler walking around while peter and John show his fake bulged.

"Nice, huh? Huh? Yeah. You like this?" Peter said while trying to attract females with his fake budlged.

"Stop it, John, Pops. You are embarrassing the family. Look, I know you are both upset, but... Oh, my God. Where's Stewie and Frank Jr?" Frank asked as he was trying stop peter and John until he notice his son and younger brother are gone.

"They're around." John said as his and Peter bulgeds were moving with familiar voices.

"Let us out of this stink-filled corduroy dungeon!" Frank Jr and Stewie shouted from Peter and John's pants.

"John, Peter, that's sick!" Lois said while she and Frank were sick by this accuse.

"It's OK. They're outside the underwear." Peter said to reassure them.

Meanwhile at Jim's exotic cars, still both insecure, John and Peter tries buying a long, red car.

"Enjoy your new car, Mr Griffin." Jim said.

"Thanks, Jim." Peter said as he and John drive off while Loud rock music was playing in the background. They stop at a red light as they talk to person with a short car.

"When you pull that thing into your garage, does the garage say, "Is it in yet?" John said to the guy with the short car while peter was laughing at the joke as they drive away. As they drive the reach a tunnel that looks like a vajiena.

"Don't worry, baby. We'll be gentle." Peter said as he goes back in forth in the tunnel while everyone was think that this scene was impropriate until the car was caught in a collision and shortened to an extreme amount as a bus full of pretty models drive by and said model were laughing at them.

"Ow. My pride." John said.

Meanwhile at the Mallque/griffin House at the kitchen, as Lois was washing the dishes and the babies were pouting by Peter and John. Meg and Persephone walk in to tell their mother the news.

"Mom, you were right. We were nice to the cool kids and they didn't spit on us." Persephone said.

"Connie Demico even invited us to her sweet 16." Meg said, as she was excide for the party.

"Wonderful! What time do we nail those snot-nosed punks?!" Lois said with evil smile.

"Nail them? You told me to win them over with kindness." Meg said as she was surprised.

"Yes. Now that they think you're their friend, it's the perfect time to exact your revenge." Lois said as she was devises a plan for revenge for her baby girls.

"Revenge?" Persephone said while Frank Jr and Stewie were shocked by the event.

"I'm like one of those bald eagles you see on the Discovery Channel, Beautiful to look at, but mess with one of my chicks and I'll use my razor-sharp talons to rip your Fucking eyes out! Cookies are done. Who wants chocolate-chip?" Lois said as she doesn't want anyone messing with her kids or grandkids as she get her cookies out of the oven and offering any of the cookies to anyone in the room.

"We do!" Frank Jr said, as he and stewie want cookies.

"But keep talking. All this stuff about eye-gouging has gotten me all frisky." Stewie said as Meg turn around at the kids response.

"Really. Stewie has got about half a pack of Rolaids in his diaper." Frank Jr said as he eats his cookie.

Peter, John and tyler still insecure until they came across a sigh with hunter with a anked lady with a logo saying " A REAL MAN PACKS HEAT Join the NGA!" So they joins the National Gun Association.

"I'm glad you want to join the National Gun Association, Let me show you around, this is our shooting range." The NGA person said as he show a Cop shot his target, a blind man with his dog shooting an empty barn, A Stormtrooper is seen shooting at a target of Luke Skywalker and missing it several times, an a referee shout a target while starting a swing race.

As we join John, Tyler and Peter touring in the looker room.

"Here we have our locker room with full shower facilities." The NGA person said as he show them people taking a shower.

"Holy crap! They're all so... small!" Tyler said.

"You see, Peter, the way we look at it, a man's only as big as the gun he carries." The NGA person said.

"Sign me up, and get us the biggest freakin' gun you got! Peter said as he pull out his pants.

"Stewie, Frank Jr, you two can come out now." John said that they are being evicted out of peter's pants.

"Turn off the light. Frank Jr is reading me a ghost story." Stewie said as it show them reading a goosebumps book.

At the Griffin house, we join Peter, John and Tyler trying out their new guns.

"Pull!' they all shouted as Brian throws three dicks in the air as they shot on target.

"Oh, yeah. Who's the big man now, huh?" John said as he feels the gun as he thought on his past mistakes are gone.

"Madonna or Janet Jackson?" Brian asked the guys on which disk to throw.

"Which Janet?" Tyler asked.

"Velvet Rope." Brian said the name of the song of the disk.

"Yeah, that one. Pull!" Tyler said as Brian throws the disk in the air as they shot on target as lois comes in with groceries.

"John, Tyler and Peter, What the hell are you guys doing with that?" Lois said with a shocked.

"You want to touch it? Go on. Careful. We don't want it to get too excited and go off in your hand." Peter said as he offer his gun to Lois as a bribe. Then Frank came in equally piss off at these three idiot.

"This is pathetic. All because you three feel inadequate next to Chris." Frank said as he tells them the truth.

"Don't be stupid. we don't need to compete with chris or his freakishly large penis." John said as Chris over heard them and the truth about his dong.

"I'm a freak." Chris said as he feels sad about his problem.

"Don't despair. Let's hang a tire on the end of it and head on down to the ol' swimming hole." Stewie said something funny as Chris runs away back to the house.

Meanwhile in Meg and Frank's room, the twin were study until Lois came in with blueprints.

"Connie Demico's house is two stories. If we set up booby traps here, here..." Lois said as she explain her revenge plan to her little girls.

"Mom, how'd you get these blueprints?" Meg asked with a worried tone.

"Oh, your mother has her ways. She has her ways." Lois said as she flash back on her plan.

Cutaway

Lois is at City Hall.

"Can I have those blueprints to D'Amico's house?" she asks.

"Sure, here you go" someone gives her the blueprints.

Cutaway Ends

"Now I've put together a little flash bomb to create a diversion. I used to date the pyro guy from Whitesnake." Lois said as she explain how she got these flash bombs.

"What's Whitesnake?" Persephone asked.

"That's the music mommies and daddies listen to. Fire in the hole!" Lois said as she explain about her age music and activated the flash bomb as we move to the next scene. As we join them at a nice suburban house.

"John, Tyler, Peter, Some guys from the club are going hunting tomorrow." The NGA person said.

"Count me in." peter said as he plan to go hunting.

"Hunting? I thought you were gonna play hockey with Chris." Lois said.

"Bring him along." The NGA person said.

- Oh, no. It's too dangerous.

- Lois, Lois, The National Gun Association is all about safety, especially when it comes to kids. Take a look at our new video. The NGA person said as he put a video tape in as we see a The NGA film. With the title "Guns safety and you."

"Let's face it, your kids will get into your guns. That's a fact." The narrator said as we see a scene with a sleepy adult with gun in his pocket while his child sneak in and takes the gun and is about to shoot him in the dick.

"Gun accidents can be avoided by introducing your children to guns early." The narrator said as we see a scene with a boy on top of a cemented block wall and a puppet gun.

"Hi! I'm Petey the pistol. Say, do you ever get lonely?" Petey the pistol asked the boy.

"Yes." Said the dumb kid.

"Me, too. Hold me." Petey the pistol said as he asked the kid to hold him, which the dumb kid did.

"If you squeeze me, I make bad people go away." Petey the pistol said as the dumb kid was about to do it then we move to the next scene.

"But wait a minute. I thought guns were bad." Said a random adult with good question.

"False! Guns are good. In fact, did you know that Jesus and Moses used guns to conquer the Romans?" The narrator said as we see a scene Moses and Jesus used guns to team up and defeat the Romans.

"So remember: Guns don't kill people, dangerous minorities do." The narrator said as The NGA film ends with the lesson, "Guns don't kill people; dangerous minorities do." This is a parody of National Rifle Association's slogan "Guns don't kill people; people kill people."

"See, Lois? They're responsible." Tyler said as John starting to have flashback about w2k.

Now we join Frank, Frank Jr, John, Tyler, Peter and Chris While hunting for animals.

"Hey. Hey, check it out, Chris. I can write my name in the snow." Peter said as he used his gun to write his name in the snow.

"This is fun, Dad." Chris said.

"Son, son, I told you. Out here in the wilderness, call me Rooster Cogburn." Peter said.

"you know Rooster, I was starting to think you didn't like me anymore."

"Shh. Chris, look! Tracks. There must be a deer around here." Peter said as point out track of a deer.

"Those are snowmobile tracks, Mr. Griffin." John said.

"Shh! There he is." Peter said as he pointed out the deer in a snowmobile drinking coffee. As they about to sneak attack it Peter snap a weak branch and the deer grasp. Then the deer got on his snowmobile and ran away.

"ah, Such grace. That's the thing about hunting, you gotta be patient." Frank said as they hear Growler noise.

"What the hell was that?!" Peter asked as they turn around to see a bear.

"Ahhhh!" they all shouted as they were attacked by a bear.

Meanwhile at Connie's house at her sweety sixteen party, everyone was having a good time including Meg and Persephone. As Lois signals her twin's daughters to come at the front house window.

"Put this in the heating grate and set it off in five minutes." Lois said as she gives Persephone the flashbombs.

"I changed my mind. I won't do it. These people, they are my friends now." Persephone said as she is is reluctant to the plan.

"After they pelted you with meat." Lois said.

"Did you forget the neighbor kids chased you and sprinkled you with fixings?" Meg said as she change her mind as she join Lois's argument.

"Yes, I did!" Persephone said as she slam the window shut leaving Meg and her mother outside. Now we join Persephone at the living room of Connie house as she was about to start a game.

"OK. Now we are going to play Seven Minutes in Heaven, and it is my party, so I want Doug to go in the closet with... Persephone." Connie said as Doug grabs Persephone hand as she takes her in to the closet.

"Have fun." Connie said she closes the door as she and everyone in the party giggles. One of Connie friend sets up a camera.

"OK. Everyone get ready. Say hello to the lovers." Connie said as it reveals that Persephone and Doug weren't kiss. She is tricked into kissing a pig. They ran out of the part as everyone laughs at her and the pig.

"I don't know who should be more humiliated, Persephone or the pig." Connie's girlfriend said.

"She's such a dork." Connie's Jock friend said.

"I think I feel worse for the pig." Connie said.

As Persephone ran to the car with her twin drive as she cried in pain.

"Meg, you and mom were right! I should have just stuck to the plan!" Persephone

"Frank figured one of us might get soft on her, so he hired an old friend to scar them for life."

"Hey there, is this the D'Amico house?" a boy with red hair arrives at the door with lots of weapons.

"Yes?" Connie reply as she let the boy in the house. Then the boy whacking the cool kids with a sack of unopened soda cans while he smashing Connie's teeth on a step is a reference to American History X. while Quagmire arrived at the front door to see the whole mess.

"I like where this is going. Giggidy-giggidy-good-goody." Quagmire said, as he was Lois back plan.

Meanwhile at the Forrest, the Brown bear attacks Frank, Frank Jr, John, Tyler, Peter and Chris.

"Don't worry, Guys, I'll handle the bear. Say hello to Satan for me!" John said as he aim his gun to save his family. However, the bear swipes the gun off his hand as he begin to have a flash back of his whole life.

Flashback

"It's a boy, Mr. and Mrs. Watts." The doctor said as they pass bald baby john to his mom and dad.

"I'm afraid His power has affected his social life, Mrs. Watts." The doctor said to John's mom as John is trying to control his powers.

"He's gonna have to repeat the twelve grade, Mr. and Mrs. Watts." The 12th grade teacher telling both John's mother and father.

"Looks like he'll have to repeat the college course, Mr. and Mrs. Watts." teacher telling both John's mother and father.

"The only way to suppress them is to wear this inhivetor." Mr. Watts talks to his son.

"Congratulations. You've passed the fourth grade, Mr. Griffin." Said Peter's fourth grade teach as he shakes hand with Peter Griffin.

"Great. I gotta leave though. I'm going hunting with my son." Peter said as he and john leave the school to go on the hunting trip.

Flashback

"Dad, I know what to do! I saw it on Fox's When Bears Attack! Go away! Go on, get! Stay tuned for an all-new Ally McBeal!" Chris said as he drives the bear away

"Holy crap! Chris, that was amazing. I mean, I just froze up. However, you handled that bear like a real man. I'm proud of you, son." Peter said.

"You are? Because I heard what you said about my huge... you know Oh." Chris said as he told them that he know about his wang.

"Oh, you heard that, huh? Pops was just being stupid." Frank said.

"Take it from us, that thing you got there is a blessing. I mean every person you see with a big house or a fancy car or a shiny gold tooth is really just saying, "Don't look at my penis." However, you will never have to worry about that. Peter said as he, John and Tyler apologies to Chris.

"Thanks, Guys! You're the best." Chris said as he and the gang walk their way home in the snow.

"You know, Grandpa, I just realized something. Your name's Peter." Frank Jr said as he laughs at peter's name.

"You're right, it is." Peter said as he laughs as they walk away together, to go home.

"Peter." Frank and John laughs as he answer his phone.

"So you finished the job, thanks Hagoromo. I will see that you and your brothers get in to the show." Frank said, as he hangs up the phone to catch up with his family.

Chapter ends

I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thank for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also to Grand Tome Publishing, please help me with John and Tyler's origin and families.