Most of the crew had already gone to Purgatory when Jo came back to the ship. She preferred it that way. She needed a few minutes alone after the day she'd just had.

The freaky small adversary that had almost sliced her up turned out to be on a warning list Hackett had sent out recently. The Alliance called them Phantoms and their swords, monomolecular blades, were a true marvel of technology combined with skill. Jo weighed the weapon in her hand, trying it for balance. Cerberus always knew how to make nice things: the sword was perfectly balanced and fit right into her hand, having been made for a user of similar size. There was only one thing that sent a shiver up Jo's spine: the weapon had no soul.

About a decade ago, when she'd been training at the ICA, she'd been sent on a year-long journey across China to learn traditional kungfu from old masters. They had taught her a lot more than the fighting technique: serenity, balance and ability to spiritually heal herself from almost any wounds. When she came back, she'd been interested in more traditional martial arts, so she decided to learn sword fighting. Her weapon of choice became a Chokutō, a straight sword very much like the one she held now, or like the one Kai Leng used. After some initial training she'd been sent to see a master who was still making his own swords, following a thousand year old tradition. The pieces he allowed her to touch were like living things, they sang in the wielder's hand. Compared to those real things this one was a cheap toy, no matter how technologically superior it seemed to be.

Jo put it on the wall, beneath the d'oles Garrus had given her last year. Ten years ago she could not afford to accept the master's kind gift of a personal sword. As a Special Forces agent in training she had been moving around too often to carry luggage, sometimes escaping hairy situations with nothing on her body, not even underwear. To accept such a gift only to lose it on some backwater planet would have been a crime. Now it seemed that she was acquiring a real collection. These weren't just special models of weapons, like the Collector rifle. These were unique items with history and meaning. Jo was getting old and attached to objects.

Thinking about swords was easier than thinking about Thane. Was Kolyat right and Thane's final wish had been for her to keep the purity of her heart despite all the darkness around her? Or was his explanation only meant to soften the blow? Was Jo a lost soul? For many years she'd moved through life like a tank, kicking in doors, defying the definition of 'possible', blowing up expectations and rearranging the world to her liking. She'd done so many things just because she could. Had she always been leaving a trail of destruction behind her and simply never looked back to check?

Self-doubt was one of those things Jo defiantly refused to indulge in. It was a dangerous thing, especially right now, when so much depended on her strength, when she'd been faced with an adversary like Kai Leng. If there was one thing she'd learned in ICT that she'd deem the most important, it was the ability to heal herself, pick herself up after any blow, dust herself off and keep fighting. Jo knew, and defiantly chose to hold on to that belief, that there were lives out there who took a better turn because of her. Kolyat, Alice, Grunt, David, Belinda and Jocasta, Matty, Thera, Ramon, Ji'ila, Gader... Many years in service - many people and their stories. Hell, everyone on her ship, too. What would have happened to the krogans if Wrex and Mordin hadn't joined her? What would have become of Tali if she hadn't? Would Gabby and Kenneth have become husks like all Cerberus employees? Would EDI even exist? Would the Council still be alive?

No, there was no point wallowing in self-doubt. She chose to believe Kolyat and to accept his father's gift for what it was: a selfless, most precious, most noble and thus the most heartbreaking act of love and devotion. She would honour that as much as she would honour him and every other friend whom she had to watch die.

It was time to join the crew and celebrate her birthday. Like Christmas, the day of birth should be celebrated with those who were directly responsible: parents and family. Jo couldn't remember hers, nor any birthday celebrations before they'd died. Each birthday after that seemed like a reminder of what she didn't have.

But things were different now. This year she could claim a lover, brothers and sisters, even a handful of kids. They wanted to celebrate her and she wanted to be wanted like that.

When Jo entered Purgatory a while later, she was boxed in by a team of her security guards who had been waiting to honourably escort her to the lounge and keep her safe from curious gawpers in the club. Jo found the idea endearing, so she let them. They brought her to the same lounge Aria used to occupy before her demise. Now the entire Normandy crew sat and stood around, waiting for her arrival. The club host arranged a private bar for them there just for the night.

Jo's eyes sought and found the one figure she would always see first wherever she went. Joker was here, complete with his ACE cap, crooked shoulders and a slight limp. Just like that, one look at him from across the lounge twisted her guts with desire. She still couldn't believe someone could be so beautiful and not even know it.

Everyone cheered when she was finally delivered to her designated place at the bar next to Joker.

"Jo, we know you're upset about Thane," Garrus declared. "Trust me, we are all just as upset. But his son was right: Thane would have wanted you to celebrate your life and his, not drown in sorrow. If we don't make time for celebration now, we might never get it ever again, so let's make this a good memory, shall we?"

"Fine," Jo shook her head and elbowed Vega at her other side: "Help a girl out here."

He grabbed her waist and effortlessly lifted her to stand on top of the bar, where everyone could see her. From there she caught EDI's attention and made a circular motion with her hand at the club's sound system. EDI did something in her head and suddenly the club became silent.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Jo spoke from her spot, making sure everyone saw and heard her. Some patrons seemed grumpy for a moment, but settled quickly when she continued: "I am Commander Shepard. Today's Cerberus attack showed all of us how unpredictable life is. We all fought and we all have lost something or someone. I'd appreciate it if everyone joined me in a minute's silence to honour all those who fell victim to today's violence." Obediently, everyone in the club lowered their heads, whispering the names of their loved ones who didn't survive. When a minute was over, Jo spread her arms to include every person present: "Thank you all. If you came here to forget your worries: may you succeed. If you're here drinking to honour a dead friend: so am I, and I wish you closure. May tonight not only be darkened by everything we've lost, but also serve as a reminder of everything we still have. Have a pleasant night."

The music resumed and the patrons quickly returned to their drinks and dancing, though many were nodding and toasting Jo from wherever they sat and stood.

"Well said, Jo," Garrus said, getting her off the bar. "Now, sit down here and enjoy the evening," he led her to an armchair which was turned into something like a throne for the birthday girl. Jo went with the flow and sat down. Everyone else arranged themselves around her. Dr Chakwas stepped up to Jo and called for everyone's attention:

"Everyone, let us begin this celebration. We have all decided that since our dear Commander isn't drinking alcohol, it would be highly ignorant of us to get alcoholised at her expense. That's why we decided that whoever wishes, could prepare one party game for everyone to enjoy that doesn't involve drinking. However, if anyone wishes to drink, the bar is open. Now, as the oldest one here, I'll start my game first. It's called: How well do you know Commander Shepard? I'll need as many volunteers as possible. I'll ask questions about Shepard and you will give answers, while Shepard will be the judge as to which answer is the best. The winner will get a prize. Garrus, Jeff, your participation is obligatory, so don't doodle."

The bossy lady directed the two men in question to two armchairs while the rest of the crew formed a comfortable circle around them.

"Who else wishes to enter the game?" Karin narrowed her eyes at the people. "Come on up or I'll start naming people."

"I'm game," Vega volunteered.

"Would it be unfair for me to participate?" EDI inquired.

"Not at all," Karin ushered the mech to another chair. Ken nudged Gabby:

"Why don't you try as well?" The auburn-haired girl shrugged and joined the others.

"Well, now. If the participants don't have a correct answer, the question goes to the audience. Agreed?" After everyone's nod she opened her omnitool and grinned: "Let's start off with something easy. What is Commander Shepard's full name?"

Everyone groaned:

"Johanna Victoria Shepard!" And Adams added: "Joker shouted it on all com lines today, thank you very much."

"How old has Shepard turned today?"

"Thirty slash thirty two," was the general consensus.

"Now we get to more interesting questions. What is Shepard's favourite song?"

"Bridge Under Water by Meticulous Arrows," Joker declared. Everyone else decided unanimously that they had no idea.

"What is Shepard's favourite colour?"

While most went with black, grey or white, Joker said it was gold.

"That's unfair," Jo grinned, as she shook her head. "I told you that one."

"I'll take any advantage!" He waggled his eyebrows at her.

"What is her favourite way to kill?"

"Incendiary rounds," Garrus answered first this time.

"Name three objects Shepard always has on her person."

"A weapon, a weapon and, dare I say, a weapon?" Joker teased.

The rest of the opinions included her hunting knife, her scrunchie, her omnitool and even her mascara, because they said she wore so much of it on her lashes that it had to be considered a separate item. Jo was starting to really get into it, hoping Karin had more interesting questions up her sleeve. The game was simple, but very entertaining.

"What does Shepard do for fun?"

"Do you seriously want me to answer that question?" Joker grinned smugly.

"Go ahead, I don't mind," Jo grinned back.

"You snuggle your hamster and coo to him while you pet him and feed him corn, one piece at a time," he said with an evil twinkle in his eyes. Jo shook her head, unable to stop grinning. He was right, of course, but he'd just outed her to the entire crew. Asshole. She loved him.

"I say you pretend to be worse at poker than you are, Commander," Gabby said. "And then leave everyone penniless when we least expect it."

"I say you break rules for fun," Garrus offered his answer.

"And I say you manipulate people," James rolled his eyes at the memories from Vancouver.

"I'm afraid I won't be very original when I say that you learn everything you possibly can about your crew and especially your friends to make them happy," EDI said. It was a tough round of answers and Jo couldn't decide on the best, so everyone got a point.

"What is the book Shepard always wanted to read but still hasn't?"

Gabby said in complete silence:

"John Milton's Paradise Lost."

"How do you know that?!" The rest of the participants ganged up on her when Jo confirmed it was true.

"Oh, she told me once," Gabby shrugged with a cute blush. Jo grinned: yes, there were things even Joker didn't know about her. He couldn't, he was only human, after all.

"Who is the person Shepard admires the most?" Karin asked. Joker and Garrus immediately pointed their fingers at each other. Vega snorted at them, then said with a devilish grin:

"I'm gonna go wild here and say: Mr D."

"Who's Mr D?" People started asking. Jo explained quickly before anyone could get too curious:

"One of my instructors from the IC Academy. He came by while I was locked up in Vancouver."

"My answer is: the Prothean scientists from Ilos," EDI said, surprising the hell out of Jo. "They've made sure our cycle had a chance and I believe Shepard is very appreciative of their role."

"And I say: the Council," Gabby said. "Not the specific Councillors, but the institution. They stand for what we all know Commander Shepard is all about."

"Peaceful cooperation!" A chorus of over twenty people groaned with such a warm, knowing chuckle, that Jo melted in her chair.

"Okay, each of your answers is correct, but you two took the easy way out, didn't you?" Jo winked at Joker and Garrus. "Vega, it's not fair to bring up the man who put the N7 badge on me, of course I respect the hell out of him. EDI, you should get an extra point for this incredibly deep and intuitive insight, especially because I know for a fact that I've never spoke about my admiration for those scientists out loud, especially in your presence. Still, it's Gabby who should get the winning point on this one. Your choice and your reasoning are dead-on," Jo smiled warmly at the other girl. It may not always seem like she really appreciated the techies, but Jo really did, and Gabby had always been a dear friend who never demanded too much of Jo's attention. She was just always there, loyal to a fault.

"Who would Shepard have become if she hadn't joined the Alliance at eighteen?"

"A gardener," Joker shot.

"A teacher," Garrus followed quickly.

"A politician," EDI said.

"A business woman," Gabby offered.

"An actress," Vega nodded.

"I love you guys so much right now," Jo almost sobbed. For some reason she had convinced herself long ago that she hadn't had any choice but joining the Alliance, that she had no marketable skills for a civilian life. Yet these people who knew her well hadn't hesitated even for a second giving her so many options. Maybe they had a better opinion of her than she had of herself. Maybe that had been the case with Thane, too.

Karin didn't stretch the game out for too long. After a few more questions she wrapped it up and let Garrus take over. His game was very different: a life action game about what would happen if Commander Shepard and Blasto ever met. The entire crew had a fit when Cortez and Adams together pretended to be four-handed Blasto and Jo engaged her 'opponent' in a duel of witty one-liners.

Vega's game divided the crew in two groups, each lined up. Then the first person in each line tucked an apple under their chin, and the task was to pass the fruit on along the line without using hands. That ended in a mess of giggles, obscene remarks, awkward bending, acrobatics and quite a few jealous outbursts from both Ken and Joker when other men pawed their women. Jo had never had a birthday celebration quite like this one.

Liara's game aimed to teach Jo how to dance without insulting her too much. Whoever wanted to join, stood in a circle and the first person made a dancing move, which Jo, standing in the middle, had to repeat. The next person in the circle made the same move and added one of their own, and so on until Jo had to repeat a whole dance. She endured this one with mirth. Long ago Ashley had started the rumour that Jo couldn't dance. Until today Jo honestly wondered how all these people could still believe it, after everything they already knew about her. Granted, she chose to feed that rumour ever since just because it gave them something to giggle about, but she certainly didn't need teaching.

Eventually it was Joker's turn. He stood in front of a big screen the hosts had hung on the wall just for them, and spoke:

"My first thought was strip poker, of course, but even I'm not cruel enough to make twenty five people, including myself, march naked from here to the ship," he said, winking at Jo. "So instead I chose a quote guessing game. I collected a few funny and interesting moments from Jo's missions and exploits and I'll play each episode and everyone will have to complete the line Jo says. Ready?"

People arranged themselves around the screen. Joker pushed a button on his omnitool and a scene started to play, taken from someone's helmet feed because Jo was on it. She approached a merc who stood in front of a large window.

"I've got nothing more to say to you," he declared and the video lost sound for a moment.

"How about goodbye?" Several crew members filled in Jo's line as she pushed the merc through the glass on the screen. His scream drowned in laughter. Next episode started: Kalissa and Jo appeared on camera together.

"I've had enough of your disingenuous assertions!" Everyone screamed as Jo on the screen punched the journalist. That vid had become viral on the extranet within minutes after it happened. There probably wasn't a person in the whole Council space who hadn't seen it. Next clip played and a salarian worker had a shaky pistol aimed at Jo.

"I don't want to hurt you! But I will!"

"Hurt me? I hardly felt a thing!" Jo punched the salarian. Garrus, Ken and Gabby got that one correctly, as well.

Next clip showed Jo picking up a welding device behind Cathka's back.

"You're working too hard!" People exclaimed in delight when she stuck it in Cathca's back, incapacitating the batarian.

Next one showed Vega on the day they escaped the Reapers on Earth.

"We have to fight!" He yelled.

"This isn't a democracy!" Vega was the first who remembered that line correctly, and now, several weeks after the event, he was calm enough about it to laugh at the situation. Next Alenko appeared in a scene from the same day, saying:

"I'm joining your team, Commander."

"Like hell you are!" The entire crew joyfully filled in the gap. Just when Jo began to think that her man aimed to portray her as an evil bitch Joker played more notable moments from her missions, showing her fair, noble and sometimes a romantic side. What surprised her most was that people not only knew her evil moments - they remembered her good deeds in just as much detail.

When the games were over, people hit the bar fast and hard. Even though Jo didn't drink, they'd paid their respect to her and could indulge in their own guilty pleasures. Joker found Jo and shouldered Westmoreland away from her. He stood in front of her and played gently with the zipper of the N7 hoodie she was wearing. He'd won Karin's question game by a couple points and the prize was a gift certificate for a meal for two in one of the nicest restaurants on the Citadel. It was pressed in a golden piece of plastic, looking all fancy. Joker held it up to Jo:

"Nice restaurant," he said thoughtfully. "Will you dress up for it?"

"Would you like me to?"

"Yes. How about that N7 dress you got from some mysterious person who knows your size and shape so well? Why are you not wearing it tonight? I thought this would be the perfect opportunity for you." He eyed her outfit suspiciously. She came to the club wearing the hoodie and her usual black pants. The only difference to her usual look were pumps that made her feet look tiny and her hair, falling in open waves of glowing gold around her shoulders. After giving her outfit a thorough inspection Joker stepped even closer until their chests touched and tugged on the neck line of the hoodie, sneaking a peak at her cleavage. "What are you wearing anyway? I've been staring at you all night trying to find a reason why I can't see the usual shirt under that hoodie."

"There is no shirt under the hoodie," Jo told him.

"Wait, are you naked under there?"
"No, of course not. Come on, I'll show you what I'm wearing under it and you can tell me if it's better than the dress." She took his hand and dragged him towards the bar. Most of the crew had already gotten at least one drink and mulled around, talking and dancing. "Boys," Jo shouldered past Vega and Garrus to get to the bar. "Give a girl some space." When they did, she effortlessly flung her body onto the bar and lay on her back along the length of the counter. Her hair fell in seductive waves around her head. She crossed her ankles to get a steady position and let one arm dangle to her side. "Now, my love, why don't you open that present and see why I'm wearing a hoodie tonight?"

For a long moment Joker stood speechless. Everyone else, even strangers from other levels of the club, turned their attention to what was happening. The whole rest of the crew seemed torn between rolling their eyes and drooling. When Joker reached for her zipper, his hand was trembling a little bit. He pushed it down and when the sides of the hoodie fell apart, they revealed the top of a red bikini, a skimpy little thing, barely more than a few strings.

Everyone in the club seemed flabbergasted by the sight of a half-naked woman spread on a bar counter like a meal, except for two people. Joker and Vega.

"Warm tequila," Vega said to the bartender, though it sounded more like a croak. "We'll need warm tequila."

"It can be cold," Jo purred, never looking away from Joker. "I'll warm it for you."

The bartender connected the dots pretty quickly. He was a salarian, but had worked on the Citadel long enough to know even human drinking rituals. Just a few seconds later he poured some tequila in Jo's belly button, spread some salt in the beguiling dip between her breasts and put a piece of lime between her teeth. Now Jo and everyone else in the club paused in breathless silence and waited to see what Joker would do.

He, however, looked... smitten. Jo couldn't move any longer or even say anything around the lime, so she did her absolute best to look like the embodiment of a sensual invitation. Half-naked on the counter, his for the taking, she offered herself to him in all her vulnerability. The look on his face showed her that he appreciated it. It was more than the look of love. It was the look of a man who'd realised that his woman was the exact fulfilment of his every dream and more. Jo knew that she would do anything to see that look again.

Slowly, agonisingly slowly, Joker stepped closer and leaned down. Jo and everyone else in the bar exhaled a needy moan when his tongue and lips sucked the alcohol from her belly button. Her nipples tightened and mercilessly poked at the fabric of the bikini top when he moved up to lick the salt from between her breasts. And when he finished by taking the lime out of her mouth, the crowd exploded in applause and half-orgasmic moans.

Much, much later into the night, when Joker had finally let Jo off the counter (but not after doing at least twelve shots off her body) and the crowd became a cheery mess of happy, teary, sappy and aroused foolishness, Garrus declared that it was wise to end the party when it was at its best and ushered the crew back home. Everyone agreed and started moving towards the docks. Steve and Vega were carrying Jo like a queen on their shoulders. She was dressed modestly again.

"Guess everyone saw you in a bikini tonight," Vega said, looking up at her. "You paid off that debt," he winked. Yes, she'd lost a bet to him back in Vancouver where he had wanted everyone to see her in a bikini.

"No, Vega, I still had my pants on. There will be another occasion for that bet to be settled."

"Ooooh," he drawled. "Niiiice." He'd had a lot of tequila as well that night, Jo noticed, even if it only came in ordinary tumblers.

Suddenly Cortez halted, bringing the whole group to a stop. Jo looked up and found the reason standing next to the airlock, in all his black-haired misery, with his arm in a sling after the surgery on his shattered shoulder joint from earlier today.

"Major Clusterfuck," Vega nodded in acknowledgement.

"Excuse me?" Alenko's miserable face turned to a dark surprise. Jo patted the boys' heads to let her down on her feet.

"It's just something I said once," she shrugged at Alenko. "And it kind of stuck. As your nickname."

"That's... I'm..." Alenko stuttered, then shook himself, obviously trying to get himself back to the state of mind to say whatever he came here to say. Only when he drew breath, he found twenty six people looking at him, most of them not entirely friendly. "Uhm. Shepard, may I have a word with you, alone?"

"Do you carry weapons?" Javik growled, surprising Jo. Once the aloof Prothean had become protective of her, she knew her crew was finally a real family.

"No, I do not," Alenko let his head hang in acknowledgement of his sins. He used to be a member of this family and would know first hand how protective the people surrounding her would be.

"Excuse us for not taking you at your word," Rodney, the head of the security team, slurred, and waved two of his men to search Alenko. When that was done and Jo gave them a nod - and not a moment sooner - everyone headed towards the airlock, giving her and Alenko some privacy.

"Why don't you just kill him? You've had enough opportunity and reason," Joker whispered in her ear. She knew what he meant and she'd wondered that many times. The reason was too complicated to explain right now, so she went with a lighter version:

"That would be disrespectful to Ash."

Joker made a sceptical face and entered the ship as well, though she was sure that most of them would be glued to the screens, watching whatever was about to happen.

"Protective bunch," Alenko said slowly when the airlock was closed again.

"Yes. They are." Jo didn't feel like letting him spoil her mood after the wonderful birthday celebration she'd just had. She'd ended up being the only sober one left, but that didn't matter. She was drunk on emotion.

"Uhm. Had a fun night?" He asked cautiously. He was obviously biding time until he'd worked up the courage to say what he really came here to say.

"Well, it was my birthday," Jo shrugged.

"Oh. Of course," he nodded. When Jo raised an eyebrow at him, he had no other choice but to get to his point. "Sorry, Shepard, I'm just still trying to wrap my head around what happened today."

"And what happened?"

"I just never thought I'd stare down the gun of someone I've worked with so closely."

"I believe my entire crew and two Council members will stand witness that it was you who pointed your gun at me most of the time, not the other way around."

"I know," he sighed. "Sorry. It just... the way it went down, it got me thinking."

"Never a good thing," Jo muttered sarcastically.

"I know Udina wouldn't have come in quietly, so you did what you had to do, and you acted with integrity. It's just..."

"It's just that I made you look like a three inch tall incapable and weak-willed pawn in his scheme?"

He sighed again, deeper this time.

"I know you don't think I deserve my commendations and you voiced your protests loudly enough when I got the Spectre invitation..."

"Kaidan," Jo slumped her shoulders. She was unbelievably tired of fighting with this man. "Don't kid yourself. Udina pulled some strings and you got promoted. He pulled some more strings and gave you the Spectre commendation. You and I both know that you aren't man enough to fill either of those uniforms. It's time you finally acknowledged that and started working on yourself for real."

"It's a sobering and chilling thought," he turned away from her, looking through the window at the Normandy's soft curves. "To realise that someone I admire so much looks at me and sees me for who I really am."

"And doesn't like what she sees," Jo added.

"Yes. And doesn't think me worthy of her talents." He took a shuddering breath and turned to look at her again. The pain that she saw in his eyes was finally the kind of pain Jo could understand and believe. It was finally real. "Why didn't you kill me?"

Jo nodded to herself. Time to be honest with the man. Maybe it was her fault from the beginning: she'd never been truly honest with Alenko, especially after Ash died. She gave him the kind of truth she thought he could handle, but maybe she'd made a mistake and it led them here.

"The reason I didn't kill you today is because I've saved you once. It's not up to me to kill you now."

"Some people say the exact opposite. Once you save someone's life, it belongs to you," he sounded sad and small.

"No, it doesn't belong to me. Whatever the universe is planning for you, I have no right to end your life. And for some reason despite everything you're still alive."

"So why didn't you kill me back on Virmire?"

"It would have made you look like a martyr and I couldn't let someone unworthy of that title go down in history as one. You weren't good enough for that sacrifice, you had a lot to learn and you still do. I didn't save you on Virmire, I punished you. That's why your life doesn't belong to me and never did."

He looked like she'd punched him in the gut, but eventually he nodded:

"It finally makes sense. It never did until now, and believe me, I've spent years losing sleep over that question. Now I understand."

"And what is it that you understand?"

"That I've let you down, Shepard, it many ways. I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do now."

"What you should have started doing right after Virmire, what you should have continued doing when I died, what you should have showed me when I came back: try and become a better, stronger man with more integrity drawn from everything you've been through."

"And how do I do that?" He sounded desperate.

"By starting at the bottom and working your way up by honest means, without a powerful benefactor throwing everything at you. By recognising the top of your abilities when you hit them, even if it stops you at Lieutenant Commander. Even my lover doesn't expect any privileges for himself from our relationship and never did. He earned everything he has with his own sweat and blood."

"Your l... Ap... Um..." Alenko's eyes widened as he stuttered, suddenly too shocked to form words. He imitated a fish for a while until he found his voice again. "Your lover? You're seeing someone? Is it that Lieutenant who used to guard you in the brig? The one who carried you on his shoulder just now?"

Jo found it interesting that Alenko sounded genuinely jealous.

"Vega would be flattered that you thought so, but no. I'm not seeing someone, I'm living with someone. Joker."

"Joker?" He hiccupped. "Our Joker?"

"Not yours, for sure. Just mine. You aren't part of my crew, so you have no right to call any of us yours."

"I'm sorry, I'm just... it came as a surprise. I thought... you and I had something."

"Oh, for heaven's sake," Jo threw her hands up in exasperation. "You tried to kiss me, I sent you away. How does that translate to a fiery romance in your head?"

He stared at her for a long moment, then slumped in defeat:

"All right. Have I hit rock bottom yet or is there anything else you need to crush in my life?"

"Has the Council revoked your Spectre status?"

"Yes, but not before I resigned."

"Asked Hackett for a demotion yet?"

"I... uhm..."

"You ain't a Major, Kaidan, so either you formally ask him to demote you back to Staff Lieutenant, or you leave the Alliance without any benefits or..."

"Or?"

"Choose between the first two," Jo said with a darkening face. He would know a threat when he saw it, hopefully.

"Staff Lieutenant? That's three ranks downwards, how do you expect me to..." He whined instead. Jo was so past listening to his whining that she finally jumped to action. She grabbed him by the throat and banged her fist against the airlock. The door opened immediately and she basically carried the slightly struggling man onto the ship.

"You could have done it gracefully, but you're obviously still not man enough to do the right thing," she said once they were right behind Joker's seat. Her senior officers, despite being quite inebriated, all stood there, waiting for her return. "I gave you a choice but you couldn't do it, so now I'm taking you prisoner. It might be the only way to keep you away from people and places where you could do harm. Vega, escort this man to Starboard Observation and put a permanent guard detail on him. Until further notice he has no rank, no title and no authorisation of any kind. He may not leave the ship without my expressed permission, he may not use any electronic or communication devices, may not contact anyone on the outside and will be shot to death if he tries." She shoved Alenko towards the bigger man.

"Orders received and understood," Vega nodded. He moved to grab Alenko's arm and had to use some force when the elder man resisted. But all fight quickly left Aleko under Jo's heavy glance. Vega led him off to the elevator.

"Way to spoil a perfectly good celebration," Karin shook her head.

"Might not be such a bad thing. At least now he can't do any more damage," Jo shrugged. "I'll be off to the shower to wash tequila, salt, lime, sweat and other things off my skin. Anyone here volunteering to help me?" She grinned and received a matching grin from the man she loved. It was time to turn in for the night and end this long and eventful day.