Banshee screeches still sounded in James' ear when they returned from the Ardat-Yakshi monastery with Samara in tow. Shepard refused to let the enigmatic asari justicar kill herself but stood aside when Falere decided to stay alone in the destroyed building. James could clearly see how much she wanted to offer Falere a home on the Normandy, but in this case she let the asari make an educated decision among themselves. She still refused to let Samara travel alone, though, insisting on giving her a lift.

Just like when Jack had come aboard, old crew members gathered around Samara for an evening to reconnect. James could barely see or hear anything through the haze of tiredness, hunger and thirst, nearing forty hours of those sixty that Shepard appointed for his first endurance training. His hands were shaking, his knees were weak, but he just kept grinding his teeth and telling himself that he could do it. The only way through it was to keep himself distracted, and Samara's visit was a good way to do that.

The relationship between the elder asari and Shepard seemed to be based on deep mutual respect and a matching understanding of honour and justice. James' skin crawled with awe from just watching them converse for hours. Too bad Samara only stayed for a few hours until Joker docked at her destination and she headed towards places where her powers were needed most. That night James didn't have any assignments from Shepard to occupy himself with, so he stuck with cleaning the guns. It was a simple menial task and quite frankly he didn't trust himself with anything more complicated at this moment. He was truly dead on his feet, and even though he would rather die than fail the ban on food, water and sleep, he knew he wasn't fit enough to do anything useful anymore.


Jo couldn't sleep. Joker had left the night shift in charge of the CIC and had returned to their cabin a few hours ago. They'd taken a shower together and after some talking and teasing in their usual manner he'd finally fallen asleep, spooning against her from behind. This position, or rather the one when he lay almost on top of her, pressing her into the mattress with his weight like a warm safety blanket, was the only way for Jo to find peace and fall asleep for a few hours. It didn't always work, though, and tonight Jo was too restless to even try. Thoughts about Hackett, Leng, Vega and other members of her family circled through her head. Many people, each of them fundamentally different, and yet all a part of one family. Leng had been cut off for a first degree murder. What made him an outcast and not Jo? Hadn't Aria's murder been premeditated? Very much so. Caught on camera and viral on the extranet. Could she really go after Leng and threaten Hackett and Anderson, when her own actions had always bordered on insanity anyway?

Her moral compass hadn't always steered her in the right direction before she'd joined the Alliance. Even when she did she'd needed a lot of coaching and explaining before she'd learned how to deal with people correctly. Then she'd been recruited by the ICA and all her opinions had been scrutinised and revised by people she trusted implicitly. And now they let her do what she wanted. She wasn't exactly hiding, in case one of her brothers or sisters would be sent to eliminate her. No, on the contrary, she'd been given a status of an instructor and tasked with Vega's training. She'd had over two dozen different instructors during ICT, plus psychologists, coaches, friends and mentors. She'd had lots of people to consult if she needed guidance. For Vega she would have to be all that, wrapped in one person. The ICA leaders had trusted her to train him by herself and in her way, to give him her set of morals as a guiding line. It was a hell of a lot of trust in her on their behalf. And it was a huge honour.

Jo gently extricated herself from Joker's arms. Her head was buzzing too hard to lie still. She quietly put on her training clothes, took the Phantom's sword off the wall and went downstairs. Since the blade could cut through almost anything, she went to the storage room, which used to be Jack's hidey hole, to find some hard metal alloy pieces she could make a training dummy from. So lost was she in her own thoughts that she only stopped in her tracks when she heard a soft gasp.

Ken and Gabby, both in a slightly rumpled state, were looking at her with wide, shocked eyes, like two deer caught in the headlights. She sat on Jack's old table and he stood between her knees, his hands still in her auburn hair, hers on his hips. Jo had walked in on a wild make-out session, it seemed.

The heavy mood evaporated as Jo tried to stifle a small squeal of delight.

"Carry on," she said, fighting a huge grin. "That is an order." She pivoted and exited the room immediately. Silence followed her exit but Jo was sure that once they got over the shock, they would follow that order. To the letter. All night long.

Still smiling, Jo went to the cargo bay. A training dummy would have to wait, but she could still use the time and space to go through some kata with the sword to remind her body of the movements. She would need that for when she finally confronted Kai Leng for real.

In the cargo bay she found Vega cleaning guns very, very slowly. Jo took off her soft, small shoes and took her place in the usual training and sparring spot, lifting the soulless sword.

"Hey, Lola," Vega slurred. Poor man was a disaster to look at, but he stubbornly followed her instructions.

"Hey, Vega," she greeted him before she started the slow exercise. "How are you holding up?"

"How do you do it?" He put the dissembled gun away and turned to look at her. "How do you keep yourself from sleeping, drinking and eating voluntarily? It wasn't hard at first, but now I wouldn't say no to some advice."

"You convince yourself that sleep, food and drink are your worst enemies. You learn to hate those things with every fibre of your being."

"How the fuck do I do that?"

"Imagine you're holding a dead man's switch. If you fall asleep, you die. What's more preferable?"

"I see what you mean, though right about now dying doesn't seem so bad," he chuckled, too tired for a stronger reaction. "What about drinking, then?"

"How much do you know about exotic diseases on Earth?"

"Not that much, frankly. We've had the usual briefing in boot camp about dangerous places, plants and animals back when I joined the Alliance, but I don't remember much of it anymore."

Jo stopped her kata and opened her omnitool. She found a file and sent it his way.

"I found this today just for you. It's a documentary about some diseases that we've been shown during our training, among other things. If that doesn't kill your thirst, then nothing will."

Vega opened the file and watched a detailed explanation of how some insects laid their eggs in water reserves and when someone drank that seemingly clear water, the larvae nested in their insides and consumed their bodies. That and other explanations on how water transferred some of the nastiest diseases were accompanied by very graphic and very real images and footage of victims. While he watched, Jo continued her kata. The familiar routine was soothing and her body responded with gratitude.

"Ok," Vega was even paler now. "I get it. Learn to hate water and sleep. I can do that."

"Come on," Jo stopped her kata, put on her shoes and led him to the soundproof training box she'd had him build the other day. "Time for a deep conversation."

"Goodie," he chuckled.

Jo made sure they weren't being overheard by anyone, then sat down on the floor and gestured Vega to join her.

"Tonight I'll be your evil psychologist. To start us off I have one question for you and I need you to answer it truly and honestly. If you lie to me, you will only lie to yourself and put obstacles in your own way, delaying your training. As your instructor I may be brutal and I'll put you through things you'll hate me for, but no matter what, I will always take good care of you because I want you to succeed from the bottom of my heart. So here's my question: you're trying really hard to become an N7, you've set yourself that goal from the beginning. How much of your effort is devoted to impressing me personally?"

Jo saw how the deathly paleness mixed with red spots of embarrassment on his tired face. He considered her words for a while before he lifted his gaze and met hers directly:

"Not gonna lie here, Lola. I'd die for you. Anyone who tries to harm you I'll rip to pieces with my teeth. Sure there's a huge part of me that wants to impress you. Hell, you've been my idol for many years before we met. You were right, I was your biggest fan when I first saw you and now I've fought at your side and know you're more than an idol. You're real. But hey, you've been my idol for a reason. I always admired what you could do, what you did, who you are, I always wanted to be that kind of a leader. Didn't always succeed, even failed miserably a time or two. But I always wanted to belong to a family, like you do. To be given the honour of belonging, to be given the same tools you have and the opportunity to achieve the same greatness, hell, that's a dream come true. I know that being trained in the same way you've been will give me a much better understanding of how to lead people, how to make decisions and how to live with them. That's what drives me most."

Jo didn't give him her opinion on his words. It was not necessary. For the next few hours she kept asking him questions about his motivation, his personal history, his fears, dreams and goals. She directed him to a few realisations, confronted him with lies and half-truths he was telling himself and gave him a lot to think about.

"I have to wrap this up for now, Vega," she said to him an hour before Joker's alarm would ring. "If I know anything about my man, he's already awake and fuming because I'm spending the night with someone else." She rose and stretched her stiff legs.


Once James was alone again, he couldn't help but wish that he had someone's love and devotion like that. He wished to be someone's Joker.

Before breakfast was even over an odd kind of commotion spread across the ship, starting at the CIC. Excited murmurs reached him last, when everyone else was already buzzing. The ship set course to investigate sightings of both the geth and the quarian fleets. James' brain worked too slow to recognise the significance, but two words, whispered with excitement, bounced off the walls: Tali and Legion.

He'd seen both the little quarian and the strange geth unit in the reports EDI had shown him. James knew that Lola considered Tali as close as Garrus and Wrex, but he wasn't sure why. The young masked woman sure was a badass on a battlefield, but like all quarians she was vulnerable in her suit. What was it about her that made Scars forget his calibrations, Adams and Doc Chakwas drop their duties to chat excitedly with Ken and Gabby, Liara and Major Clusterfuck smile fondly, and what was it that sent Shepard and Joker into an hour-long fit of teasing jokes?

It felt like everyone on the ship who knew Tali personally got exited about the return of the favourite sister and niece. James would just have to wait and see for himself.

The only thing between now and then were four days of uneventful flight because the spot in question turned out to be on the other end of the galaxy. By then his first endurance exercise would be over and he would probably be in the middle of another one. Wonderful.


It was a quiet morning and Joker was having breakfast with Jo and the rest of the day crew. The Normandy was locked on a course and would follow it for two more days. His presence at the helm was not strictly required. He and Jo were gently rubbing shoulders and his hand was under the table, drawing circles on her thigh, and he dared anyone to comment on that.

"Interesting memo, Commander," Adams said, approaching the table with his omnitool open. He smiled and read the internal message: "'To the tech team, regarding the storage room. The storage room, formerly used by Jack as living quarters, is to be freed of crates immediately. A door is to be installed and a bed put inside the room. It is to remain free and be available to use as required by anyone who wishes to spend a few hours in privacy.' Would that have something to do with you walking in on the two certain lovebirds down there the other day?"

Joker had heard the rumours but hadn't investigated further. Now he didn't need to anymore. Ken's and Gabby's blushing faces were proof enough that he rumours were true.

Jo continued to drink her coffee without comment. The crew around the table didn't need her participation to start the merciless teasing, though. Ken, usually the teasing one, had to brace himself when pretty much everyone ganged up on him and Gabby. Rodney and some navigators wouldn't miss a chance to laugh, and everyone except Jo seemed compelled to put in their two creds. Even Allers and Javik had something to say. Joker decided to stay out of this. It would be hypocritical of him to tease Kenneth when Joker himself was guilty of so much more. Jo ignored the whole thing until Alenko joined in. It was the first time she'd allowed him to sit with the crew for a meal since his 'capture' and somehow he felt entitled to an opinion.

"That's enough," she declared and put her coffee cup down with force. "If you all have so much to say to two people who dared to fall in love and who want to have some privacy, you can say it to me and Joker. Any takers?"

Silence fell.

"If you don't have anyone special, don't take your frustration out on the rest of us," she continued and her arm fell firmly around Joker's shoulders in a possessive gesture she hardly ever allowed herself at all, and never during their working hours. "I personally allow fraternisation on my ship. If anyone has a problem with that, you can always be reassigned to some other ship."

"It was just a bit of fun," Alenko said.

"There is harmless fun and there is envious hypocrisy. I'm putting a stop to it before the first turns into the second. Either all of you respect my decision to value love as the greatest gift given to us, or you disrespect everything the Normandy stands for."

"Sorry," Rodney said. "We didn't mean any disrespect."

"I know," Jo said softer. "I'm not favouring Ken and Gabby over anyone else. If you find someone special, you'll get the same respect from me and the rest of the crew."

"Yes, Ma'am," Rodney nodded.

"Commander," Vega came up to the table and saluted her. He looked like death warmed over. Joker couldn't imagine how the man was even still upright.

"Yes, Vega?" Jo removed her arm from around Joker's shoulders and looked at Vega attentively.

"The sixty hours are over," he said. "Permission to get some rest."

"Granted," she said.

The very next moment Vega's body collapsed where he was standing. Everyone gasped in concern, but it was Jo who reacted the fastest. Before he could hit the ground she shot out of her chair and caught the man. The timely grab told Joker that she had expected this very thing to happen. Everyone still looked stunned when she hauled his entire weight up and threw him over her shoulders in a fireman grip. It looked nothing short of comical, what with him being at least twice as heavy as she was, though unconscious like a damsel at the moment.

"Did you know this would happen?" Joker asked. Jo turned a little to smile fondly at the man she was carrying:

"Did you think this hasn't happened to me one time, or a dozen?" She sounded proud, like a mother who'd just seen her baby take a first step. "Dropped like a brick. It's normal, once he released control his body took what it needed most." She patted Vega's bicep and turned to go to the elevator.

"Are you going to tuck him in, Commander?" Cortez teased.

"Of course," she said with another fond smile, only this one was for Steve, not Vega. "I am the Commander. I always take care of my people. I've nursed half of you through various degrees of drunkenness, brought you home from some club, held you while you puked and then tucked you in. I care about each and every one of you like you're my family. And he did good," she rubbed Vega's arm tenderly. "Really good. Not everyone passes their very first endurance exercise with flying colours, especially the sixty hours one. He's earned some tender, loving care."

Joker felt the love and awe these people felt for their Commander/mother like it was a living thing in the room when she carried Vega away. Making a snap decision, Joker shot out of his chair and went after her.

While taking the elevator downstairs to Vega's private little corner next to his working bench, Joker still marvelled at the strange pair. Vega looked so much bigger than Jo, and yet she was the stronger one, in every way.

A few days ago he would have been very concerned if he had to watch how Jo put Vega's barely cooperative body to bed. She handled him with real care and tenderness. Had this happened before their training started, Joker knew Vega would have been a rival. Now? Far from it. Joker understood the reality of their relationship the very moment she jumped to her feet to catch the guy before he hit the ground. She was the teacher, the mentor, the mother. Vega was the child. And while Joker was not exactly in this equation, he knew he had nothing to worry about.

Vega was her very first and so far only trainee from the IC Academy. She'd always spoken of the institution as her real, closest family. Teaching him was a great honour for her, Joker could tell. On the one hand he was a little jealous, knowing that he was forever excluded from that family, unfit by definition. On the other hand Joker knew that his place on this ship was on Jo's level, making him a father figure to everyone who saw her as a mother. Even though Joker was far from seeing himself as anyone's father, he really wanted to be with Jo on this one, just because he could.

He helped her put Vega on his bunk, take off his shoes and cover him with a blanket. When the young man was safely tucked in, Jo and Joker stood silently for a while, holding hands and looking at his sleeping form.

"So, he did good?" He asked his woman.

"Yes, he did," she nodded and leaned in to rub her cheek against Joker's shoulder. The little gesture filled him with pride and made him feel like a ten feet tall hero all over again. How else would a man feel when no matter how happy, sad, proud or disappointed his woman was with the rest of the world, she always came to him to share?

"You know, sometimes I wish..." he whispered, opening his soul to her for a moment. He knew she wouldn't let him fall, but this was a delicate topic.

He never had to finish the sentence. She knew what he was talking about, and she knew it wasn't really 'sometimes'.

"If it were up to me..." she whispered against his neck. "But it isn't. Just look at it this way: when was the last time you pulled a sixty hours sleepless shift?"

"When Doctor Kenson took you to that blasted asteroid, pun not intended." Joker surprised himself by this immediate answer. He'd already done what Vega was going through, and he'd done it for real, not in training. "But I was allowed to eat, drink and sleep."

"And did you?"

"Well, no, I had other things to worry about."

"Exactly. And in that time you uncovered a network of Reaper artefacts across a solar system, took them down, found me and rescued me from that asteroid just in time, and you were the acting Commander of the ship all that time, nobody told you what to do. You kept working, you were highly efficient, and you finished that day by threatening Hackett and even kept your wits about you when I was out of the equation. Never sell yourself short, my love."

Joker had to bite his lips to stop them from quivering. He'd never looked at it this way. He'd just done what he had to do to save her. He'd been motivated like nobody's business. There had been no question about his abilities back then, and no option of failure. If he had to perform miracles, then so be it.

And wasn't that the definition of an N7? The realisation chased all air out of his lungs.

Before he could recover Jo went for the kill:

"The ICA is my family, yes, but I would give up each and every one of them for you, because you're more important to me."

"Stop, you're making me blush," he teased to ease the sudden tension and she lifted her head just as teasingly to inspect him.

"That I need to see!"

They ended up in a tickling match with some very girly (thus extremely uncharacteristic) squeals from Jo. The relaxing atmosphere gave Joker a chance to really look at his woman for the first time in weeks.

The pressure of the Reaper war was taking its toll on her, no question about that. He knew how many hours she spent reading reports from all over the galaxy telling story after story of death, destruction and desolation. At the same time this stress seemed to create a bigger and bigger rift between her on-duty personality and her off-duty one, even as her off-duty persona seemed to appear even during her working hours. At moments like these Jo not only wore more colourful clothes, she also let her hair down in a ponytail instead of the usual severe bun. Most notably for him, however, were some open and unconcerned PDA. This surprised him because from the day they got together he was fully on board with the deal she'd made with the crew: stay professional during working hours. Lately he'd noticed her breaking that rule more and more. She would touch him, kiss him, even let him shamelessly grope her in the middle of the CIC.

Joker had nothing at all against that, but he was slightly concerned about her mental state. It was clear as day that Jo needed something to escape from her duties. To give herself some room to breathe she started embracing her tender, casual, loving side. She couldn't save everyone in the galaxy, people were dying in their millions all around them. Perhaps the only way for her to deal with that was to show people in her immediate vicinity how much she cared about them? Again, Joker had nothing against that. Whoever saw her as a cold-hearted bitch had no idea who she really was. She cared so much that it destroyed her to know that every second she wasn't doing anything millions of innocents were being slaughtered. All Joker could hope for was that she didn't break before it was all over.