Summary: This is their mania –their obsession, their enthusiasm, their craving. Nothing and no one can stop them, not even themselves. Not that they really want to stop, that is. Warnings: Kageyama/Hinata, kink, masturbation.
Disclaimer: I do not own Haikyuu. I'm still fairly inexperienced when it comes to dealing with Haikyuu.
"Mania"
Defined as "an excessive enthusiasm or desire; an obsession", synonyms for include: "obsession, compulsion, fixation, fetish, fascination, preoccupation, infatuation, passion, enthusiasm, desire, urge, and craving."
Desire
Hinata never understood why it was bad.
Much less why it was wrong.
Of course his sister didn't understand, she was barely a babe when the two of them were taken from their mother and sent to live with their grandparents forever.
But Hinata remembered, vividly and explicitly remembered.
He remembered how everyday his mother would sleep and how was supposed to be a good boy and sleep during the day too so the monsters wouldn't get him. He remembered how if his little sister woke up it was his job to feed her as mother instructed, wash her as mother instructed, and watch her until she fell asleep as mother instructed. It was only when the sun went down that mother would truly be alive. A quick meal, usually of eggs and rice, with plenty left over for lunch at midnight and dinner at sunrise. Then the makeup, the hair, the corset and of course a short dress covered by a robe to hide the fact that she never wore any underwear or bra. Hinata didn't learn those even existed until the age eight. He learned a lot of things at the age of eight.
At the door mother would instruct Hinata with what workbooks he was supposed to go over, what educational videos he was to watch, and left the small TV in the play corner on for his sister to watch while she played. The play corner was small and relatively the only place were mother's work didn't enter.
He can remember it. Their bedroom, playroom, haven –as mother explained it to him. A place for just him and his sister corned off in the one room apartment by bulky furniture with shelfs of half-broken toys, the small TV and DVD player, baby equipment for feeding and diapers, and educational materials for Hinata. A place where he and later on his sister slept, played, learned, and watched.
Though his sister was far too young to partake in the last bit.
Watching mother work.
She'd be gone for hours. Sometimes she'd never bring any one back. Sometimes it meant she didn't get any work. Sometimes it meant work had been done in the alley or if the work was wealthy a hotel.
But sometimes she'd come home. 10, 11, 12 o'clock at night. And that's when Hinata would watch her work.
He can still close his eyes and remember the first time it happened. It's his earliest memory. Her orange-red hair covering a nude body, and work towering over her as the one-room becomes consumed by strange squishy sounds that to him were practically a lullaby. This work was different though from the others. He wanted Hinata there. He wanted Hinata to watch. Mother told him when he was older that work will pay sometimes double to have someone as young as Hinata partake in the experience –and all he has to do was watch. Hinata didn't really find it any different from watching his sister or the educational videos mother left for him.
So Hinata watched. And watched. And watched.
Brown hair, black hair, thin eyes, thick eyes, old, young, twins, brothers, friends, loners, husbands, tourists, locals, their landlord, their neighbors –all he had to do was watch from the entrance to the play corner. No one ever touched him, much less ever asked his sister to watch. Some would even give him candy and tell him what a good boy he was and to take care of his mother after they had cleaned up and were ready to leave.
Watching became Hinata's contribution to the rent and even helped mother get him and his little sister brand new, and super soft, futons.
Their life was happy.
But everyone he's met since say's it's wrong.
Hinata was almost eight when his mother was arrest. And just past his eighth birthday when he and his sister was finally released into their grandparent's custody with their mother serving a life sentence in prison. His sister doesn't remember much, she was barely three at the time.
Despite what the social workers say about his mother not doing a good job raising the two of them it didn't mean that her lessons and workbooks kept Hinata from joining third grade with the other nine year olds next spring. It didn't mean that her lessons on how bad the world could be and the honest truth about humanity kept Hinata from having fun, or noticing pedophiles on the street.
And despite all the watching and watching as a child, it didn't mean that Hinata grew up to want nothing to do with sex or watching it, nor did he grow up on wanting the role of watcher in the act of other's performing sex.
No.
Hinata finally understands. With the camera recording and thousands of work watching him from his small room in the countryside he understands. The thing that drove his mother to keep on bring work home that wanted a child to watch such acts –her desire to be watched.
It had been building in him stronger than any orgasm he's ever experience. Stronger than trauma of the life his mother led them through. Stronger than the pain of the first time he fisted himself at age ten and came so fucking hard only to feel hollow because he hid himself away from the world as if this wasn't an act to be showed, to be seen, to be watched by all.
All he desires from this work is to be watched. To be seen. To be showed off –and in doing so –to show off the true nature of the horrible, lying, manipulative outside world that denies what it really means to be human.
And as he lies in a pile of five different work's semen at the end of another successful broadcasting he can still feel it. Just past the viewer's vision, controlling the camera, those prideful eyes watching him. No judgement, no anger –in fact only glee.
He smiles.
Hinata, or as he is known in the camboy scene Number 10, smiles the moment the recorder is off and can feel himself become hard and ready for a special someone.
Kageyama Tobio.
The one person Hinata always desires to be always be watching.
AN: Mania is a series inspired by Haikyuu including several pairings, inspired by a request from my personal friend for her birthday! None of the stories in Mania have to do with one another and will be uploaded as one-shots. So read in any order you of your choice!
This is clearly an AU… but admit it Hinata is still adorable even as an exhibitionist!
