Chapter 43: Ready Willing and Disabled

Opening Credits

It seems today that all ya see

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

But where are those good, old-fashioned values

On which we used to rely

Lucky there's a Family Guy!

Lucky there's a man who

Positively can do

All the things that make us

Laugh n' Cry

He's

a

Fam

-ily

Guy!

End

Now as the story with channel 5 with Tom tucker give the news.

"...Alan Adler, David Preslack, Julie Axlerod, Shep Sutton, Scott McCormack. And that concludes the list of people who were mean to me in junior high. Tomorrow, high school. Finally, we go to Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa for 60 seconds of filler." Tom Tucker said as we join Tricia Takanawa at Spooner Street with our favorite family and Friends.

"Thanks, Tom. I'm here on Spooner Street where several Quahog families are holding a car wash to raise money for an organ transplant for young Paul Lewis. So, what do you call this device, Paul?" Tricia Takanawa said as she interview a boy in an iron lung.

"It's an iron lung. It keeps me from dying. I want to play baseball!" Paul said as he wants to play baseball when he gets his lungs.

"And with me is one of Paul's classmates, Chris Griffin, who helped organize this charity event. You're a very thoughtful young man, Chris." Tricia Takanawa said as Chris organizes a car wash to raise money for a boy in an iron lung.

"Can I say hello to my mom?" Chris asked to say hello to his mom.

"Sure." Tricia Takanawa said as Chris turns towards Lois clean a car.

"Hi, Mom!" Chris shouted.

"Hi, sweetheart!" Lois said as she waves at her son.

Now we join the babies making their own car wash.

"Okay, so, you want the full wash and, uh...oh, you've got a nick there. I can probably get that out for you. Now, if you want to go with a scent, I've got PB & J, Sugar Cereal, and New Toy." Frank Jr said as he, Maddie, Rosie and Stewie were going to clean a child's tricycle.

"What the deuce?" Stewie said as he notices a clip full of money.

As he and the babies try to pick it up but Chris beat them to it.

"Hey, somebody dropped a money clip." Chris said as he looks at the money with John and Tyler.

"Wow! $26." Persephone said as she and her twin are amazing of the money.

"I've never seen so much money at one time!" Tyler said in amazement.

"What do you think should we do with it?" Frank Jr and John said as they asked on what they should do with the money.

"I say we buy $26 worth of ice cream and just pig out. Oh, We can dish, talk about who's getting fat. Oh, we'll just be great big bitches." Stewie said as he wants ice cream.

"Dibs on the chocolate!" Tyler said as he jumps everywhere like a looney toons.

"Hold on, kids. That's not your money yet. The law says you guys gotta put up signs and wait two weeks for someone to claim it. If no one does, it's yours. Ah, lunch is here." Joe said as he tells the kids they should post a sign about the money, a carhop brings him an enormous side of ribs, a la the opening of "The Flintstones." This scene refers to a similar Flintstones episode where Wilma made Fred put an ad in the paper for money he supposedly found.

"Everyone, we've reached our goal! It looks like somebody's gonna live to see puberty." Lois said as she raise the jar of money for a boy in an iron lung. When a thief wearing a Jimmy Carter mask steals the proceeds.

"My God! That man just took our money!" John shouted as the man ran away with the money.

"What man?" Joe and zeke asked John about the man.

"He was wearing a Jimmy Carter mask like that robber in that Keanu Reeves movie." Lois explains that the man had a jimmy carter mask.

"The Matrix?" Zeke said the movie with jimmy carter mask.

"No, no, no. It wasn't that recent. It was the one where they were jumping out of a plane..." Lois explain another movie with that mask.

"Executive Decision?" Joe said another movie.

"No, that was with Kurt Russell. But the other guy in this movie, he kind of looks Kurt Russell..." Lois explain that the mask look like Kurt Russell.

"He's getting away!" Meg said as the man was getting away.

"Don't worry. He won't get far." Joe said as he and zeke transformers the wheelchair into a swat car as Siren wails from their chair.

"Stop! Police!" Joe/zeke shouted as they chase him down town on top of chairs until the made to a fence. The man drops the money into joe's hands, they stared each other as their chase continues while Dramatic instrumental music playing in the background.

As Zeke and Joe Gasping for breath as the man escapes, they return to the neighborhood.

"Joe, what happened?" Peter asked his friend on happened.

"We got the money." Joe said as everyone cheered.

"All right, Joe!" Peter said as he congratulates him.

"But we lost the perp." Zeke said as they wine at their lose.

"Well, the money's the important thing. Now little Paul can get his..." Meg said until Lois interrupted her.

"Point Break! That was the movie!" Lois said the name of the movie.

Meanwhile at the drunken clam, the gang was all here to give a toast to Joe and zeke victory.

"Here's to Joe and zeke, who helped little Paul get a new liver and, barring a massive infection, a new lease on life." Cleveland said as he gives a toast to them.

As we join Frank and his crew drink while zeke freaks out.

"Don't you understand? I lost the perp! I lost the perp! My dad is going to cry and it's going to be awkward!" Zeke said as we zoom in thoughts Joe.

Now Joe Sobbing and Screaming as Cleveland, Menma and Negi sneaky away by steps. Then Rage, Zeke and Quagmire roll out on the floor to escape Joe. Finally Peter and Frank escape by window while peter only comes back for his beer as they all leave Joe to cried.

Meanwhile Meg, Persephone, John, Tyler, Stewie and Chris were putting up sign for the money, which included Chris stapled one of the signs into a person. Now we join them in the living room.

"So, um, the $26 would probably be safe in my room." Persephone said until Stewie scuffs the idea.

"Right. It'd probably get lost among the pinups of Justin Timberlake, and Tom Cruise, and... Blast! Who the devil do the teenagers like? Morgan Freeman." Stewie said as both John and Tyler roll their eyes by that comment.

"Well, we can't keep it in my room because there's an evil monkey that lives in my closet." Chris said as the Evil monkey regularly tormented Chris, which had become a running-gag in the series.

"You know, the sad part is, I think he wasn't always evil." Frank Jr said as he walks in while he set up a cutaway.

Cutaway

We join The Evil Monkey when he wasn't evil, upon returning home from work.

"Honey, good news! I made partner!" Evil Monkey said.

As he walked up to his bedroom to find her cheating on him with another monkey, they screech at each other and Evil Monkey points his finger at her.

Cutaway Ends

Now we join Frank and Peter at the kitchen eating some sandwiches.

"Frank, Peter, Bonnie says Zeke and Joe's been really depressed about that robbery. Why don't you two go talk to them?" Lois said as she asked them to help the Swanson's.

"I don't know. There's a game on." Peter said as his angle self appear.

"Shame on you! You march right over there, and cheer your old friend up!" Angel Peter said as he sets Peter on the right path until the devil shows up.

"Don't listen to that sissy. Grab a beer and watch the game." Devil Peter said as he is making peter lazy.

"Yeah. That sounds good." Peter said until a gunshot killed peter's devil self.

"Oh, my God!" Peter said until he notice that it was Frank Jr's angle self ewho fired that shot.

"Now, get your fat asses over to Joe's!" Angel Frank Jr said as threatens both peters.

"Look, buddy, I..." Peter said as he tries to calm the kid down until he fires again.

"Move!" Angel Peter shouted as he was on Angle Frank Jr's firing range.

"All right. Just take it easy, just take it easy, man. Everything's cool. Hey, buddy." Peter said as he and angle peter walk towards the door with a gun pointed at there heads.

Now we join Frank and Peter entering Joe's room.

"Hey buddy!" Frank and Peter said as they open the door.

"Close the door! I don't want to see the light." Joe said as he covers his face from the light.

"Come on, Joe. Cheer up, huh? Hey, what do you say you and me go roller-skate...bike ride...jump rope...go lay on the grass?" Peter said as he was trying to not mention his chair and broken legs while trying to cheer him up.

"Guys, the other day was the first time we've ever lost a perp. It was also the first time My dad ever really felt handicapped." Zeke said as the next news will shocked the viewers.

"I've made up my mind about this. I'm quitting the force." Joe said as Frank and Peter gasp in shocked.

"Oh, come on, Joe. You don't have to quit the force. I mean, you could get a desk job. You could be a desk." Peter said as he tries to stop joe from quiting.

"Forget it! I'm washed up." Joe said as we tune in to channel 5 news

"In local news, Quahog will soon play proud host to the Special People's Games. If you and/or a friend are disabled and would like to challenge yourself and raise your self-esteem, sign up today!" Tom Tucker said as he announcing an event that's happing in quahog for special people.

"Zeke, Joe, that's it! You got to compete in the Special People's Games." Frank said as they should enter joe in the special people's games.

"Gosh! I-I don't know, Frank and peter. Do you two really think I can?" Joe said as he feels nerves.

"Hey, I'm the guy that believed you could be a desk. Come on! we'll even be your coach!" Peter said as he joins the joe team.

"All right! Let's do it!" Joe sadi as they all high five in the air.

"Coming up in this half hour, our undercover expose on conveniently placed news reports in television shows. But first, Peter, look out for that skateboard." Tom Tucker said as Frank Jr walks in until he trips on said skateboard.

Now we join Frank, zeke, Peter and Joe at the gym working out while John and Tyler dress as Finneaous and Barnaby, they are on tandem bikes.

"Had a bit of a row with a fellow in the steam room." John said

"You don't say!" Tyler asked.

"Gave him a cauliflower ear." John said

"Bully!" Tyler cheered.

Now we join Peter and Joe lifting weights.

"Come on! Come on! Two more." Frank and Peter said as they pushes Joe to do more weight.

"Guys, you're pushing me too hard." Joe said as he returns the weight back.

"Trust me, Joe. we know physical fitness. Me and Frank was in Richard Simmons' Sweatin' to Books on Tape." Peter

Cutaway

We see Peter and Frank working out with Richard Simmons in a workout session.

"The Red Sox were in town. But I didn't care because it was Tuesday, and I was on my way to see Morrie. He couldn't go to the bathroom by himself anymore. But his indomitable spirit…" Mitch Albom narrated as the people continue to workout.

Cutaway Ends

Now Frank, Zeke, Peter and Joe are in the doctor's waiting room.

"So, how does he check out, Doc? Is my boy ready to compete?" Peter asked Dr. Hartman.

"Um, I don't quite know how to tell you this, Mr. Swanson. You're paralyzed from the waist down." Dr. Hartman said that Joe can't walk.

"we know." Zeke said.

"Oh, thank God! Oh, God, I was standing out there for, like, 10 minutes! Boy, is that a load off!" Dr. Hartman said as the gang walk away from that bad joke.

Now we join the gang at Mort's phanency.

"Mort, Joe here's gonna be competing in the Special People's Games. You got anything that might give him extra juice?" Frank asked Mort to give them something that will give Joe a little boost.

"You mean steroids? But, Frank, Peter, haven't you seen what happens to those ladies on ESPN2? They get big hair faces, and their breasts become like flapjacks!" Mort said as he thinks that they asked for steroids.

"we were thinking more like a protein shake." Frank said as they were talking about healthy shakes.

"Oh, God, I'm sorry! Aisle 3, next to the creams. Ooh, I don't like saying that word." Mort said as he shivers by saying the part next to the creams.

Now we join Chris and Stewie watching TV Show in the living room.

"We now return to Touched by an Angel." Announcer said as we join in court case between with the angle and Frank Jr.

"Now, where exactly did the angel touch you?" Lawyer said as he holds a doll and asked Frank Jr where the angle touch him

"Here." Frank Jr said as he points at the junk area of the doll.

"Oh, come on! Who're you gonna believe? I got a freakin' halo!" Angel shouted as his lawyer tries to calm him down.

"Bye! I'm going to the mall!" Persephone said as she come down stairs to go to the mall.

"What are you going to the mall for?" Chris asked Persephone.

"Don't worry. The $26 is safe." Meg answer for her twin which make this situation strange.

"Safe, huh? The skirt's trying to pull a fast one. Hands, Knuckles, get the handbag!" Stewie said a command to Tyler and chris.

"Right, boss!" Chris and Tyler said as they rush Persephone and look over her purse.

"Hey! Give her back the purse, you psychos!" Meg said as the purse lands in to Stewie hands as he explores it.

"Let's see. Makeup, chewing gum, a picture of Meg and Persephone in a two-piece swimsuit. Oh, God! I pray this is not my first memory!" Stewie said as he look around the purse until he saw something he shouldn't.

"Look, everybody cool it! I am not going to put up with this racket for two weeks. I'll hold onto the money. I'm a neutral party, so it'll be safe." Brian said as he decides to hold the money since he is a neutral party.

"Okay." Chris said in agreement.

"alright." Tyler agreed as well.

"All right." Meg, Persephone and John said good to the agreement.

"I suppose we can trust you." Stewie said as he gives Brian his word to follow this agreement.

"Now, where is it?" Brian, John and Meg asked on where's the money clip.

That's when Persephone turns Stewie around to grab the money clip form within Stewie's clothes.

"What the...oh, very clever. Take another reach. You forgot your change." Stewie said as he shakes his butt at Persephone to grab some change from inside his clothes.

Now we join everyone in quahog going at the Quahog Special People's Games, with Tom Tucker and Diana Simmons making the announcement for this event.

"Hello, and welcome to the Quahog Special People's Games. I'm Tom Tucker." Tom Tucker said.

"And I'm Diane Simmons. It's a great day to be alive, Tom, able-bodied or not." Diane Simmons said.

"It sure is, Diane. Today we'll see some of Quahog's finest athletes struggle valiantly against God's twisted designs. You'll cheer, you'll cry, you might even get a cheap laugh or two." Tom Tucker said some stuff that were not nice.

"I know I will, Tom. In fact, there's the distinct possibility that, by the end of the day, we'll all be going to Hell." Diane Simmons said that even when they laugh at these people, both of these newscaster will still go to hell.

"I'll see you there, Diane." Tom Tucker said as the ceremonies has started.

"Oh, it sounds like the opening ceremonies have begun. There are the paraplegics. Followed by the blind team." Diane Simmons said as she introduce the paraplegics with Peter and crew walking with Joe and then the blind people.

"Still no sign of the deaf team, I notice." Tom Tucker asked on where is the deaf people team.

Cutaway

We see the deaf team still sleeping as multiple alarm clocks are heard.

"Hey, you guys are gonna be late!" man 1 warned.

"Maybe they're not in there" man 2 said.

Cutaway Ends

"And now, we turn our attention to the lighting of the flame." Diane Simmons said as a man with wooden limbs walks toward the torch as he lights it up with his wooden limb.

"And these games are underway! We begin with the 100-meter dash for people afraid of yellow tape." Tom Tucker said as the race started until they stop near the yellow tape since they all afraid of it.

"It's anybody's race now, Tom!" Diane Simmons comment about his event until an African American pass through the tape.

"And it's Odai Mutambo of Kenya!" Tom Tucker announce the man who won.

As we join Frank, Zeke, peter and Joe working out until the next event starts.

"The decathlon. I don't know. That's quite a mountain to climb, Peter." Joe said as he starting to get nerves.

"Joe, look at me! Look at me! Do I have food in my teeth?" Peter asked Joe if he has anything on his teeth.

"No." Joe said.

"Oh, great. Thank God!" Peter said in relief.

"Now, listen here, Joe. You, Pops, zeke and I both know you have what it takes to win this thing. So, get out there and do it, huh?" Frank said to motivated Joe until a super cripple comes in.

"That gold medal is mine, pretty boy. You don't have a chance in Hell." Disabled Ass said as he brags that he is going to win this.

"He may be right, Guys." Joe said as he is caving in.

"Dad, he's an android. Don't let him push you around. You can do this. I know you can." Zeke said as he cheers up his father.

"Yeah. Yeah! Hey, you think you're so hot, fella? Well, at least I can do this." Joe said as he Sings arpeggio.

Disabled Ass Try's Sings monotone but fails, "Oh, crap!"

"Let's do it!" Joe said as he goes to the decathlon.

"Let's go to the first decathlon event of the day, the pole vault, where Joe Swanson takes his starting position." Tom Tucker said as joe makes the jump by rolling faster than anybody in a wheelchair.

"Yeah! Way to go, Joe!" Peter said as he and the gang cheered.

"Yeah! How do you like that, buddy?" Joe said as he brags to Disabled Ass.

"A sphincter says what?" Disabled Ass said

"What?" Joe said.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha. You stupid bastard." Disabled Ass said as he rolls away for that joke.

Now we join Brain at the patio reading the mad Russian as Stewie comes in to sit next to him.

"Good to see your new fiscal responsibilities haven't interfered with your reading. Ah, Dostoyevsky-the Mad Russian. Good stuff, good stuff." Stewie said.

"You're not gonna get the $26, and you're despicable for trying." Brian said as he revels he is not a caving in.

"Oh, you thought... I wasn't trying to get the $26. I thought we were just having a perfectly innocent conversation about literature. Oh, you're silly. You're silly. I love that you'd go there. You're silly. Good-bye." Stewie said as he cheese it out of the patio.

Now back to the games with the gang.

"We'll take you to bulimic pie-eating in just a moment. But first, decathlon front-runner Joe Swanson, will attempt the long jump." Tom Tucker said.

"Come on, Joe! Break a wheel!" Peter said.

"I'm ready. Let's get it on!" Joe said as he rolls his seat to jump but it was a short jump

As Crowd cheers for the effort not the results.

"Ooh, short jump. That'll knock him out of the lead. Tough break." Tom Tucker said.

"Tough break it is, Tom." Diane Simmons reply to tom response.

"Good contribution, Diane. If Swanson expects to take the gold he's going to have to come in first in the final event, the 100-meter dash." Tom Tucker said.

"That's okay, Joe. You can still win this thing." Peter said as he tries to cheer up Joe until the disabled ass comes in.

"That was pathetic. Tell your wife to come over to my place if she wants a little boom-shacka-lacka-lacka-lacka boom-shaka-lacka-lacka-lacka boom-shaka-lacka-lacka-lacka boom." Disabled Ass said as he tells him to send bonnie for a little loving.

"Peter, it's over." Joe said.

"Over? What are you talking about?" Frank asked him.

"If I couldn't catch a two-bit criminal, how am I supposed to win a race?" Joe question himself.

"Hey, what kind of talk is that? It's un-American! Did George W. Bush quit even after losing the popular vote? No! Did he quit after losing millions of dollars of his father's friends' money in failed oil companies? No! Did he quit after knocking that girl up? No! Did he quit after he got that DUI? No! Did he quit gettin' arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct at a football game? No! Did he quit..." Peter said while mentions several setbacks in the life of President George W. Bush, including his 1966 arrest for drunk and disorderly conduct, his 1976 DUI conviction, "losing millions of dollars of his father's friends' money in failed oil companies" and losing the popular vote in the 2000 presidential election. Peter also mentions that Bush "knock[ed] that girl up," although no journalists found evidence that Bush had impregnated any woman prior to the conception of his twin daughters.

"I get the message, Peter." Joe said as he rolls to the next event.

As Peter and Frank Jr scratch their chins while they get an idea.

Now we join Peter and Frank Jr at Pharmacy while Mort Goldman sings "I Got a Name" to a muzak rendition that plays over the loudspeaker of his pharmacy while Peter Griffin sneaks behind the counter to steal steroids for Joe Swanson.

Mort

And I carry it with me like my daddy did

If you're going my way, I'll go with you

La da dee da

Movin' me down the highway...

"Gee, Peter! This water tastes kinda funny." Joe question the water he is drinking.

"You mean like ha-ha, Jerry Seinfeld funny or Elayne Boosler, "God bless her, she's trying" funny?" Peter said as he makes quips.

"Racers, on your mark!" Referee said as the racers get ready.

"Go get 'em, Joe!" Peter and the gang cheer Joe on.

"Get set! Referee said as he fires his gun as the races roll on.

As Dramatic instrumental music playing in the background, with Peter secretly spikes Joe's sports bottle with steroids that he stole from Mort's pharmacy, he drinks it, he pass everyone and Joe wins the final race to clinch the gold medal

"Yeah!" Peter and the gang cheer at Joe victory.

"And Joe Swanson wins the gold medal!" Tom Tucker announce Joe the winner.

"You did it, Dad!" Zeke said as he hugs his father.

"We did it, Guys!" Joe said as the crowd cheering as the bottle fell as ladybug grew freakily huge and flies.

"Mommy, look at the ladybu-aaah!" Child said as he was taken by said ladybug.

Now we join Peter and the gang become famous and make public appearances and press conferences around Quahog, until an agent talks Joe into signing a contract with him.

"Hey, Greased Lightnin'!" Jim Kaplan said as he gets out of his car that he parks his car in Joe parking spot.

"Do I know you?" Joe asked him.

"Jim Kaplan, sports agent. You like this car?" Jim Kaplan said.

"Yeah." Joe said.

"It's yours. You like my pants?" Jim Kaplan said as he offers his pants.

"Uh, sure." Joe said.

"They're yours! You know what a merkin is?" Jim Kaplan asked Joe about merkin.

"No." Joe said as he doesn't want his pants.

"Pubic wig. I got one. You want it?" Jim Kaplan said.

"No!" Joe said

"Course, you don't, you're a classy guy! You want to be rich?" Jim Kaplan asked about making joe rich.

"Yes!" Joe said.

"Sign here." Jim Kaplan said as he offers him a contract.

We join Frank, Frank Jr and Peter drive on the road until Peter is later stunned to see Joe commercially endorsing a cereal company. Now we join peter at home talk to brian about it.

"What the hell? I just don't understand how he could do that without me. We were gonna do everything together!" Peter said as he pouts.

"It was one cereal ad, Peter. Besides, he's the one who won the medal." Brian said.

"Yeah, I guess." Peter said as he turns on the tv to something strange.

"Coming to ABC, the simple story of a man and his chair. Rolling Courage: the Joe Swanson Story." Announcer said a tv movie about Joe.

"What the hell is this?" Peter said as he is furious upon seeing an inaccurate TV movie, Rolling Courage: The Joe Swanson Story.

"Starring Tony Danza as Joe Swanson. Once a man at his physical peak, brought down by a cruel twist of fate." Announcer said as The movie has everything wrong, from Joe being crippled by crooks, whereas he was knocked off a roof by the Grinch.

"Why?" Tony Danza shout as his legs are broken.

"With Valerie Bertinelli as Bonnie." Announcer said.

"Joe, you've got to accept your limitations." Valerie Bertinelli said as she tries to make tony stop pushing himself.

"Why don't you just ask me to lay down and die?" Tony Danza said as he whines.

I can't live like this anymore! Valerie Bertinelli: said as she leaves the room, then tony notice the advisement in the ice cream box.

"That's it!" Tony Danza said as he joins the games.

"That's not how it happened! It was my idea!" Peter said as it shows how Joe decided to enter the Games depicted without Peter's encouragement.

"With Bea Arthur as Peter Griffin and Robin Williams as Frank G Mallque." Announcer said as the movie version characters of Frank and Peter are reveal as Peter's was portrays as a discouraging slob and Franks' as old man, although in real life he encouraged Joe to go the distance.

"You'll never make it, Joe!" Robin Williams said in frank's Jumpsuit.

"Why don't you just give up right now?" Bea Arthur said in peter's clothes.

"No. I've got to try! Even if it's by myself." Tony Danza said as he rolls to the next event alone.

"You're a fool, Joe! A fool!" Bea Arthur and Robin Williams shouted at tony.

"Rolling Courage: The Joe Swanson Story. Friday on ABC, followed by Dharma and Greg-but you don't have to watch that." Announcer said as Peter turns off the tv.

"I don't believe this. Joe wouldn't be famous if it hadn't been for us. How come he's getting all the glory?" Peter said as he whines.

"He's handicapped. That's what makes his story so inspirational." Brian said as he explain what going on to Peter that Joe is successful and inspirational because of his handicap.

"Handicapped...hmmm. Aaah! How did these get up here?" Peter said as he finds his balls on his chin and puts them back in his pants.

As we join Brian reading a book as John, Tyler, Meg, Persephone, Chris and Stewie appeared.

"What the hell is this, Brian?" Chris said as Tyler holds a new passport.

"It's my new passport. What are you doing going through my mail?" Brian said as he swipe his passport out of Tyler's hands.

"You weren't planning on going somewhere with our $26, were you?" the Griffin twins said.

"Oh, for God's sake! I just had the damn thing renewed! What's the matter with you?" Brian shouts at the kids.

"You're obviously taking us for saps. But we're not. Now, fess up, or I'll do to you what I did to John Lennon." Stewie said as he sets up a cutaway.

Cutaway

We see Stewie in an art gallery with Yoko Ono and John Lennon.

"John, have you met Yoko? Yoko, John?" Stewie introduced to each other.

Cutaway Ends

"You want your money? Fine! I hope you all kill each other." Brian said as he drops off the Money clip.

"All right, I know how to settle this. Whoever wants the money raise your hand!" Stewie said as they fight with the money clip.

"Ho, ho, you're smarter than I thought. Give yourselves a round of applause. Damn!" Tyler said as he tries to trick everybody to leave the money but fails.

We know join Frank, Frank Jr and Peter as he decides to fake a handicap. Armed with a tape with poorly-done footage showing his "accident" which included him running over a scarecrow who was supposed to be himself. As we join Tom tucker in his dressing room.

"Yeah, honey, I'm gonna be late tonight. I've got a hooker coming over. Well, I know it's late notice, but what about the pool guy? He likes you." Tom Tucker said to his phone call.

"Mr. Tucker, Mr. Griffin's here to see you." Intern said as he enters with an injured Peter and Frank rolling in.

"I got to go." Tom Tucker said.

"Mr. Tucker, I have just become handicapped like Joe Swanson. And I demand commercial endorsements and a TV movie based on me, my son in law, starring Valerie Bertandernie and Robin Williams." Peter said as he and his boys tracks down Tom Tucker and demands fame, commercials, and a TV movie based on themselves.

"But, Mr. Griffin..." Tom Tucker said.

"I even got the first piece you're gonna run-exclusive video footage of my tragic accident. "Oh, no! A car going too fast to stop in time! Aaeeee! I'm handicapped now! Ah!" Peter said from the film.

"Mr. Griffin, you can't possibly expect me to believe this. That was clearly a scarecrow dressed in your clothes." Tom Tucker said as he is not buy it.

"Oh, come on!" Peter said as he fails to convince the news anchor.

"And when I freeze-frame...that's you driving the car." Tom Tucker said as he point out a scene.

"Well, there's your hook!" Peter said.

"Get out." Tom Tucker said as he and the Frank's gets thrown out.

Now we join our heroes at city hall as the mayor gives announcement.

"Today we're here to honor Joe Swanson for pulling my poor one-eyed cat, Bootsie, out of the old stove pipe of my grandmother's cabin. Joe Swanson won the Special People's Decathlon, and we're here to honor him." Mayor West said.

"Backstabber." Peter and Frank said.

"Oh, Peter, I'm sure Joe's gonna acknowledge you. You'll see." Lois said.

"Don't forget our deal, Lois. I sit through this, and later tonight I get anal. You hear me? No matter how neat I want the house, you have to clean it." Peter said as he get sex after this.

"Gross, Pops/Grandpa!" Frank and Frank Jr said in disgust.

"Thank you, thank you. You know, no one can win a gold medal by himself. It takes friends. And I want to acknowledge a special friend in the audience today. My friend Peter...Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul and Mary! Let's give him a hand, folks. But that's nothing compared to what this next man did. He challenged me to go that extra mile. And that man is Mr. Griffin...Comedian Eddie Griffin, get up here! Your acerbic anti-white humor was a constant inspiration, thank you, sir. And last but not least, who could forget the fat guy? Chef Paul Prudhomme! You get your Cajun ass up here!" Joe said as both Frank and Peter get Jealous of Joe's fame and lucrative endorsement deals.

"Why? I didn't even do anything!" Paul Prudhomme said from the crowd.

"That's it! Excuse me, but there's someone else he didn't thank! Mr. Steroid! That's how he won!" Peter said as he reveals his doping secret to the public, disgracing Joe.

"That's not true!" Joe said.

"Yes, it is. I put steroids in your water bottle right before the last race." Peter said as he still piss off while the crowd booing.

"I'm sorry, everybody. I've let you all down." Joe said as This leads to him surrendering his gold medal and sinking back into depression. While the disabled ass was braging for his victory until Frank Jr kick him off his chair.

"Yes. You suck. I rule. Who da man? Who da man? Who da man?" Frank Jr said as he used the voice box in the chair.

Meanwhile, Meg, Chris and Stewie fight over a money clip holding $26 while hoping no one else claims it. Distrust flares among them and they repeatedly clash, trying to outwit each other for the money.

"All right. If anyone tries to lift the glass, the bell will ring." Meg and Persephone said together.

"Well then, let's all go to bed." Chris said as he, John and Tyler go to their rooms.

"Off we go then." Stewie said as he goes to his and Frank Jr's room.

As the Thunder clapping as everyone were trying to get the money clip.

"Stop!" Meg said as they Punching, kicking, yelling until John, Tyler, Chris, Meg, Persephone and Stewie are struggling over the money clip, the room is illuminated intermittently by lightning flashes coming through the window. The scene is reminiscent of the life and death struggle between Michael Caine, Christopher Reeve, and the psychic Helga Ten Dorp from the 1982 film Deathtrap

Now in the morning at the Mallque/Griffin household as the Doorbell rings.

"Did you find the place okay?" Brian said as he answer the door to lead the man in.

"No problem." Mr. Taylor said.

"Hey, kids!" Brian said as he tries to wake them up.

"I only had soup." Tyler said as he wakes up.

"I don't see why we should split the bill evenly." Stewie said as he too wakes up.

"Wake up! This is Mr. Taylor. He's here for the money clip." Brian said as the man came for his money clip.

"Oh!" Meg and Persephone moans.

"Oh!" Chris, John and Tyler Moans.

"Aauughh!" Stewie said as he moans like Charlie Brown of Peanuts.

Now we join Frank, Peter, Frank Jr and Lois in the kitchen.

"Peter, Frank, you two should go talk to him. After all, you two set out to make him feel better, and now he's worse than ever." Lois said.

"I don't know, Lois. He's probably waiting to be interviewed by Dan Rather or that dreadful Gene Shalit." Peter said as he complains about joe one upping them again.

"I think those days are over now, Peter." Lois said as she point out Joe is normal again.

As we join the Mallque duo and peter going to Joe's house.

"Uh, hey there." Peter said.

"Uh, hi, Peter." Joe said.

"Listen, Joe, Zeke, about this whole mess..." Frank said as he is trying to apologies to him until Joe recognizes Mr. Taylor as the car wash thief.

"Hold it, Peter! That's the car-wash thief!" Joe said as Mr. Taylor makes a run for it.

As Dramatic instrumental music playing in the background, Joe and Zeke chase Mr. Taylor around quahog. Until Mr. Taylor was behind a fence as he mocks them.

A-ha! Tough luck, wheelie! Mr. Taylor said from behind the fence.

"Yeah, for you!" zeke said as he activates the turbo buster and they jump Mr. Taylor.

"I'm Joe and this is zeke, your waiters. Today's special is justice, served cold, with a side of jail! And order the souffle now, 'cause it takes 10 to 15 years!" Joe said as they beat the shit of him.

Meanwhile at the Drunken Clam.

"Hey, Peter, Frank, I really appreciate what you two did for me." Joe said as he thanks them for what they did.

"What do you mean?" Peter asked him.

"Well, that slimy agent had me believing the hype. I forgot it was really you who got me to believe in myself again. Oh, and by the way, I'm going back to the force." Joe said.

"Good for you. Hey, what happened to the car-wash thief?" Frank asked Joe about the car wash thief.

"Ironically, I severed his spine when I landed on him." Zeke said as he drinks his beer.

"Looks like you got more competition at next year's games, huh?" Peter and Frank said as they now know that Joe is going to have true competition.

"Nope, he's dead." Joe said as this time leading to the thief's arrest and death; ironically of a broken spine, and the return of Joe's faith in himself.

As Frank looks at the audience with a surprised look, with end song music play.

Chapter ends

I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also Doc X me if you want to help with scenes for next chapter because I need the ideas.