Chapter 45: Brian Wallows and Peters Swallows

Opening Credits

It seems today that all ya see

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

But where are those good, old-fashioned values

On which we used to rely

Lucky there's a Family Guy!

Lucky there's a man who

Positively can do

All the things that make us

Laugh n' Cry

He's

a

Fam

-ily

Guy!

End

Now we join Brian at the Taste of Sicily Ristorante with his hot date, a Blonde women name Tina.

"So, uh, tell me about yourself, Tina." Brian asked her.

"Well, I really love music." Tina said.

"Oh, God! Me, too! You know, I just saw Don Giovanni. In my opinion, the best opera of the 18th century." Brian said about his favorite music.

"Definitely." Tina said in an agreement.

"And the use of recitative throughout... Mozart was a genius." Brian said

"Oh, yeah. Reci-ta-tive is really where it's at." Tina said Stuttering which stop Brian's chain of thought.

"Sir, are we ready to order?" Waiter said as he asked Brian and Tina about their orders.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a second. You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?" Brian said as he is piss off.

"Sure I do! Opera's bitchin'! Okay. I guess I'll have the es-car-got and a glass of chab-liss." Tina said Stuttering her words.

"Same here. Es-car-got and the chab-liss." Brian said as he his mood is ruin.

Meanwhile at the Mallque/Griffin family House, as Idle plinking of piano keys we join Lois and Frank Jr playing with their student Jonas.

"Don't dawdle, Jonas. Play your exercises." Frank Jr said as he instructs his student then Brain came in threw the door.

"Brian, you're home early, what happened with your date?" Lois said as she asked Brain on his date.

"Same thing that always happens, she was an idiot." Brian said as he whines that his girlfriend was so stupid.

"Oh, Brian." Lois said as we turn to Frank Jr with Jonas.

"Don't slow down, Jonas, keep the rhythm. Just watch me!" Frank Jr said as he shows him the note as they all start singing.

Lois and Frank Jr

Bum, bum, bum, bum. Brian, your standards are ridiculously high, you'll never find a girl unless you're willing to make exceptions and compromise so you can find your love.

Brian:

Lois, I don't think I have to compromise a thing, I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't get me—oh, and how long has the coffee been on the burner in the kitchen, I could really use a cup about now.

Lois:

Oh, it's not very fresh; you see, I meant to make more, but I made the mistake of getting caught up watching Oprah, she had on James Garner.

Brian:

James Garner, what's he plugging?

Frank Jr

I don't know, some crappy movie on TNT.

As Jonas finish the piece and he jumps off the seat, he heads towards the exist.

"Very good Jonas, I'll see you next week." Frank Jr said as he waves goodbye.

"So what is it Brian, you don't think these women understand you? Or..." Lois said as she tries to make Brian understand his standers are too high.

"You know, Lois, I'm really not comfortable talking about this amelodically." Brian said as he leaves the room.

Meanwhile in the living room with Frank, Peter, John and Tyler were watching TV. As Lois arrive into the room.

"Peter, I was wondering if you could..." Lois said as she asked Peter about something until peter stop her.

"Hang on a second, Lois." Peter said as they all stair at the TV.

"And now back to The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams." Announcer said as we join Adams and Ben inside the cabin.

"Um, Grizzly? Who's Steve?" Ben said asked Grizzly while he does the dishes.

"What?" Grizzly said as he stop reading his newspaper and start thinking.

"There's a message on the machine from somebody named Steve." Ben said as he asked on who is steve?

"Oh, yeah, Steve. He's new to the mountain. I met him down at the general store. He makes canoes." Grizzly said as he was lying.

"Oh. How come I've never met him?" Ben said asked Adams about Steve.

"He hasn't really been here that long." Grizzly said as he continues to lie.

"Long enough to get your number!" Ben said as he gets jealous when Adams meets another man named "Steve".

"Ben! Ben! Damn it." Grizzly said as he not getting anything from his gay bear lover.

Now we join Peter and his family on the couch.

"Look at that Grizzly Adams, huh? Look at how confident he is, how majestic. Huh Grandma?" Frank said as he admired that bear which gives Peter and idea.

"Lois, I'm gonna grow a beard." Peter said as he is going to grow a beard for himself.

Oh, Peter, you know I hate beards. Lois said as she doesn't like beard until Frank Jr just slap her for that blasphemy.

"No, no, Lois. It's time I joined the ranks of great men with beards. Why do you think Jesus Christ was so popular? Huh? Cause of all them magic tricks?" Peter said as he like beard because of Jesus.

"Listen, Brian's very depressed. Can you and the guys take him with you to the laser rock show tonight?" Lois said as she discusses about Brian's behavior.

"Aw, sure. If there's one thing I'm good at doing, it's cheering people up." Peter said as he set up a cutaway.

Cutaway

We see Peter at a funeral.

"Mr. and Mrs. Ramsey, JonBenet's untimely death is a tragedy. And I will not rest until I find her killer, or killers" Peter requested.

"Oh, really. Don't bother. Nothing's going to bring our baby back" Mrs. Ramsey refused.

"No, no, I insist. I will make it my life's work to find out…" Peter insisted.

"We're fine! Just drop it!" Mr. Ramsey snapped.

Cutaway Ends

Meanwhile at the Quahog planetarium, Peter and the gang were going to watch the laser show.

"The next laser rock show will begin in 20 minutes." Announcer said as it cheers up Frank and Peter.

"You hear that, Brian? A laser rock show!" Frank said as he jumps for the show.

Come on, cheer up, would you? Peter said as he tells Brian to cheer up.

I don't much feel like it. Brian said as he mopes while the gang enters the exhibition hall where they a lecture on binary code.

"Binary is the computer language in which words are translated into sequences of zeroes and ones. Anything at all can be expressed in binary as we demonstrate in this famous scene from The Miracle Worker." Presenter said as we see a performance of The Miracle Worker is performed in binary code.

"Zero one, one zero, one zero, zero one." Annie Sullivan said as she washes Helen while talking in binary code.

[Incomprehensible gibberish] Helen Keller said as she tries to talk in binary code.

"Zero one, one zero, one zero, zero one!" Annie Sullivan said as she washes Helen while talking in binary code again.

[Garbled repetition of binary phrase] Helen Keller said saying the sentence right.

"Zero one! Zero one!" Annie Sullivan said as she and Frank Jr cheer for Helen accomplishment.

Now we join at the Exhibit, 'The Miracle of Electricity.' Old man flicks lamp on and off.

"What, you don't think this is amazing? When I saw this at the 1904 World's Fair, I nearly crapped my pants!" Old man said as Frank Jr just flip him off.

Now we join the gang going near the Virtual reality exhibit to see virtual reality glasses.

"All right! Virtual reality! Whoa, you guys gotta try this!" Quagmire said as he shows virtual reality glasses.

Hey, look at me! I'm a pole in a strip club! It's show time. No! Stop! False alarm! Quagmire said as his face was being slam by fire fighters' dicks.

"Oh, my God! I'm flying', I'm flying'!" Peter said as we see in VR, Peter is seated on an airliner.

Yes, I'll have a Diet Sprite. Peter said.

Now we join the gang at the auditorium play "One" by Three Dog Night ("One is the loneliest number...") plays under laser show visuals. As Brian begins to drink while looking around the auditorium to see couples in love, Frank leave a love text to meg, Frank Jr Drawing a Picture of Korra and Mayor West to own right hand.

"You are a filthy whore." Mayor West said as we zoom in on Brian driving the gang home.

"Okay, Johnny Depp or Richard Grieco?" Cleveland said as Menma, John, Tyler, Rage and Negi freaky out.

"Ah, that's gross!" Quagmire and Frank Jr said as he made puke faces.

"Yeah, let's not do this!" Frank and Peter said as they turn face.

"Come on. If you're secure in your masculinity, you can answer a simple hypothetical." Cleveland said

"All right. Johnny Depp because he kind of looks like a chick, I guess." Quagmire said

What about you guys? Cleveland said to Peter and Frank Jr.

"Oh, man! I don't know. Richard Grieco would probably appreciate you more. You know, not take you for granted. I mean with Johnny Depp, it's like he wouldn't really need you, you know?" Frank Jr said as Peter interrupt him.

"He'd probably sneak out after you fell asleep. Of course, with Johnny, you'd get the financial security. You should go with Johnny." Peter said as Sirens wailing behind the car.

"Oh, great." Brian said as he pulls over the car as he waits for the cop. which was cops were Joe and zeke swanson.

"Brian." Zeke and Joe said as they look at Brian for evident.

"Uh, hey, zeke and Joe. How's it going?" Brian said out the window.

"Pretty good. You were doing a little swerving back there." Joe said as he questions him while give him alcohol test.

"Yeah, me and the boys were just..." Brian said as he blows on the nasal.

"Whoa, you're off the meter, Brian!" Zeke said as he shouts at Brian for been too drunk.

"You're under arrest." Joe said as he takes Brian out of the car and arrest him for being to drunk.

Oh, come on! Brian said as he is being drag into the cop car by zeke.

"Move it!" Joe said as he pushed Brian to the cop car.

"Can One of you guys all right to drive?" Zeke asked the guys in the car on who can drive them home.

"Um, yeah. I can do it." Frank said as he moves towards the driver seat while make noise of million beer cans.

"Great. We'll meet you at the Drunken Clam. We'll tie one on." zeke said as he waves goodbye to his friends.

"I'm very disappointed in you." Joe said to Brian as the reach the car.

ONE MONTH LATER, Outside the courthouse.

"God, a DUI! I can't believe this. I could actually go to jail!" Brian said as he whines.

"It's okay, Brian. You'll get through this DUI, and you'll be a better person for it." Lois said to cheer him up until she was interrupted by stewie.

"Well now, hold on a minute. Don't disguise his alcohol dependence as a ticket to self-realization!" Stewie said as he rips Brian a new one.

"Look, you're not one to talk, all right? You remember that time I gave you apple juice and told you it was wine?" Brian said as he sets off a cutaway.

Cutaway

"I think you are a special person" Stewie said it drunkenly and slurred.

"Thanks" Brian smiled.

"Now, come on! I'm being serious. I'm gonna be serious here for a second! Are you gonna listen to me? Are you gonna listen to me so I can tell you that I respect you?" Stewie snickered.

"Man, you're wasted" Frank Jr said.

Cutaway Ended

"Brian, I know this is a bad time for you." Peter said as he tries cheers him up.

"If I have any advice to give you, it is this. Grow a beard." Frank Jr said as he points him to Peter's new beard.

"Peter, I wish you'd shave that thing. Beards are so ugly." Lois said until Frank Jr was about to bitch slap her for defining the beard, until wooly wily appear right next to them.

"Hey!" Wooly Willy said as he making a disparaging remark about beards.

"Oh, relax, Wooly Willy. There's lots of fun things you can do with that. There we go." Lois said as she moves Willie's beard to the top of his head.

"Thanks!" Wooly Willy said as Frank Jr bitch slap her for defining the beard, as the court was now in sanction.

"On the charge of driving under the influence, this court finds you guilty." Judge said as everyone gasp except stewie.

"Yes! Good call. Churn the butter. Ooo, ooo!" Stewie said until Frank Jr, John and Tyler beat the shit out of him.

"In lieu of jail time, I sentence you to 100 hours of community service." Judge said as the Mallque/Griffin family leave as Mayor west come near the bench with a hand with a face.

"Next item. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join these two in holy matrimony. If anyone objects to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace." Judge said as Mayor west other hand raise its self to stop this wedding.

"Quiet down! You had your chance!" Mayor West said as he shuts down his other hand.

Meanwhile at the Mallque/griffin house in the kitchen, everyone was eating breakfast.

"So, what do you have to do for your community service?" Meg asked Brian about his community service

"I got assigned to the Outreach to the Elderly program. I gotta take care of some old woman who hasn't been out of her house in 30 years." Brian said as he moans

"hey how about John and Tyler join you on help you get this quicker." Frank said as Brain was about agreed until Chris interrupt.

"When I got caught at school with my hand down my pants I had to keep it there for a whole week. Ha! What a week!" Chris said as Persephone pukes her food.

"Chris dude to much information, god!" John and Tyler said in anguish in disgust.

"I don't know, I guess taking care of this old woman would be like babysitting, only with bigger diapers?" Brian said as he agrees with Frank while he makes the babies, Stewie and Frank Jr spit their food.

"AHHA! So they do make bigger diapers." Stewie said as he is now piss off.

"What really?! They do?" Frank Jr said as he looks around for answers.

"Why didn't they tell us about it?" Maddie said as she joins in for breakfast.

"Wait, what are you doing here, Maddie?" Frank Jr said as he asked his friend on why she is here.

"My parents had to work overnight, so they decided I should stay here for the night." Maddie said as she answers him.

That deceitful woman told me that I had to use the toilet, well fie on the toilet, it made slaves to you all. I've seen it sitting in there, lazy slothful porcelain lay about feeding on other people's dodos while contributing nothing on its own to society. Stewie said

Stewie got out of the high and ran to the bathroom entrance pointing at the toilet.

"YOU GET A JOB." Stewie said as he shouts at the toilet.

Cuts back to Frank Jr and Maddie.

"I never known that diapers can be made that big." Frank Jr said in question on bigger diapers.

"And I thought it was a myth." Maddie said also in question on the bigger diapers.

Maddie lifts her skirt exposing her's and looking down.

"So what's the point on moving to the toilet if they're are larger versions of these?" Maddie said looking at her diaper with weird look.

"To be honest Maddie, I really don't know..." Frank Jr said as he pulls down Maddie skirt.

"Maybe we should join Stewie on this, it's probably a waste of time going in those giant bowls." Maddie said as she agreed with Stewie's cause.

"Who knows how long we should stay like this for the rest of our life." Frank Jr said as he set up a cutaway.

Cutaway

We see Frank Jr and Maddie as teens in high school when a teenage Stewie try to amuse himself by giving Frank Jr a wedgie and lifting Maddie's skirt only to find what he then noticed while he was doing.

"Hey everybody! Maddie and Jr are still in diapers!" Stewie said as he fools them.

Then the bully pulled down Jr's pants and Maddie's skirt at the same time giving making them embarrassed as their adult diapers are in full blown and all the students (except Rosie) laughed Jr and Maddie.

"DAMMIT STEWIE!" Frank Jr said as he ran while trying to pull up his pants.

"You're the one to talk." Maddie said as she gets in front of him.

"What the deuce do you mean?" Stewie said in question.

And by surprise, Maddie got back Stewie by revealing his adult diaper, making the other students switch to Stewie.

"BLAST! Why did I bail on toilet training when I was 3...?" Stewie said as he got served.

Cutaway Ends

No we join Brain and the boys going to Pear Burton's house as he Rings the doorbell.

"Uh, Pearl Burton? My name's Brian. I'm here from the Outreach to the Elderly program?" Brian said as small window open to reveal Pears eyes.

"You're late!" Pearl said as she closes the window of the door and Several locks opening as she opens the door to let the trio in while lacey them with powder.

"Ah! What the hell is this?" Tyler said as he examines the powder.

"Delousing powder! Everyone on the outside is filthy!" Pearl said as she walk around the house.

"Well, you could have given me some warning!" John said as he dust himself of all the powder.

"Here's your warning-it's gonna burn like hell in 30 seconds. I like my tea at 4:00, my dinner at 6:00. And I take my bath at 7:00 sharp, so I can listen to Paul Harvey. You will warm up my bath water with quick bursts from the faucet during commercials only. It's going to take you three a while to get the rhythm-Paul Harvey moves seamlessly into commercials. By the way, it's been 30 seconds." Pearl said as she give them their assignments.

"Ahhhhhhhh!" John, Tyler and Brian Screaming in pain like headless chickens.

Now we join our heroes at the chicken coop having dinner as Peter scratching his beard.

"Peter, stop scratching that thing." Lois said as she is still gross out by the beard.

"I can't. It's itching like crazy." Peter said as he continued to scratch his beard.

"Dad, can me and Frank Jr scratch your beard?" Chris asking his father about he and his nephew to scratch his beard.

"Has Frank Jr help you finished your homework?" Peter asking the boys.

"Yes." Chris said as Frank Jr nodded with the answer.

"Okay then." Peter said as both boys scratch his beard with giggling excitement.

"Brian, you've been awfully quiet. Is the community service not going that well?" Lois said

"Mrs. Griffin, it's horrible." Tyler cried in pain.

"We were cleaning her house all day." John said as he still in pain with the powder.

"It's the worst job I've ever had. Well, except for one." Brian said as he set up a cutaway.

Cutaway

We see Brian in apron, offering food samples at the supermarket.

"Excuse me. Would you like to taste my smoked-meat log?" Brian asked as a customer punches him in the face, knocking him out.

Cutaway Ends

Now we join the family being server by a waiter in a chicken suit.

"Here you go. Enjoy your food." Waiter said in bland tone.

"Enjoy your studio apartment." Stewie said as Frank Jr nods in that response.

While we join peter eating, some curbs landed on Peter beard.

"Peter, you got a little something right here." Lois said as she points at the crumbs on Peter's Beard.

"Where? Here?" Peter said as he points for it on his beard but gets it wrong.

"No, no, no. Other side." Lois said as she points at the same spot.

"Over here?" Peter said as he points for it on his beard but gets it wrong

"The left side." Lois said as she points at the same spot again.

"Right here?" Frank Jr said as he points for it on the beard but gets it wrong

"Your other left side." Lois said as she points at the same spot.

"Where am I at?" Peter said as he points for it on his beard but gets it wrong

"Up a little." Lois said as she tells Peters to go up his beard.

"Do I have it?" Peter said as he points for it on his beard but gets it wrong

"Up a little." Frank Jr said as he tells peter to a little more up on his beard.

"Is it gone?" Peter as he points for it on his beard but gets it wrong.

"Now go down." Lois said as she tells peter to go down his beard until a bird appear and eats the crumbs, everyone screams until the bird nests in his facial hair.

"Is it gone?" Peter said as the bird screams and everyone is freaky out, then the bird went back to the beard.

"Is it gone now?" Frank Jr said as the bird screams and everyone is freaky out again.

"Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!" Peter said as he runs around like a chicken.

"Peter, hold still! Hold still!" Lois said as she tries to get the bird off until a man stop her.

"Wait, don't touch that bird!" Dr. Goodman said as he interrupts diner.

"What's it to you, pal?" Peter said as he get piss off.

"I'm Dr. Goodman of the Quahog Ornithological Society, ironically dining in a restaurant that exclusively serves poultry." Dr. Goodman said as he introduces himself and tells his ironic placement in this restaurant.

"Doctor, what is this?" Frank asked the doctor about the bird.

"Oh, it's a very rare species. The endangered White-Rumped Swallow." Dr. Goodman said as John and Tyler laught at the name.

"Ha ha! Rump." Chris said as he too laughs at the rump part of the name.

"This isn't funny, Chris! Ha ha ha, swallow." Frank Jr said as he too laughs at the swallow part of the name.

"Look, just get rid of this bird, all right?" Peter said as he is getting more piss off.

"Unfortunately, I can't do that. Once the swallow has chosen its nesting place, it's illegal to disturb it." Dr. Goodman said

"But, he can't walk around with a bird in his beard." Lois said

"I'm sorry, you have to wait until the bird departs of its own accord or you'll be prosecuted to the full extent of the law." Dr. Goodman tells Peter it is against the law to disturb the White-rumped Swallow that has nested in his beard.

"Wow! You sure know a lot of stuff." Meg said while she was impress, as Dr. Goodman was about say that is great to learn somebody interferes.

"It's great to learn." Frank Jr said in a smug tone.

"Because knowledge is power!" everyone in the Diners said.

Now we join Brian, John and Tyler at pear's house feeding her soup.

"What is this? Spit soup?" Pearl said as she questions the soup.

"Tomato bisque." Brian said as he tells her the name of the soup.

"What is this? Snot soup?" Pearl said as she questions the soup again with disgust.

"Tomato bisque!" Tyler said reaped what Brian said.

"What is this? Diarrhea soup?" Pearl said as she questions the soup again with disgust.

"Look, we are not making you anything else." Brain said as he had enough with her attitude.

"So, just eat it, all right?" John said as he too as well had enough with her attitude.

"Fine! Then I'll have to call the judge, and that means you'll go to jail! You're one phone call away from getting a human booster shot from a guy named Molly." Pearl said as she abuse them by calling the cops. They all sigh as they went to the kitchen to fix her something else.

Now we join Frank Jr, Frank, Peter and Lois are at the movies. The bird keeps eating Peter's popcorn

"Damn it all!" Peter said as he get piss off by the bird in his beard.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Frank Jr and Frank said as they apologies to everyone.

As the bird squawks again which disturbed everyone in the theater.

"Hey, shut up! Keep it down! We're trying to watch here!" the Patrons said as he complain about the bird.

"Look, there's nothing we can do, all right?" Frank Jr said as he tries to calm everyone.

"Take it outside, pal! Ever heard of a sitter?" Patrons said as he makes an insult.

"Look, it's an endangered species. What are we supposed to..." Frank said in question?

"I'll make you an endangered species!" Man said as he threats them.

"Oh, good comeback, Potsie!" Frank Jr said as he mocks the man.

"I'll kick your ass, that's what I'll do." Man said as he makes more threats.

"Look, everybody just shut up! Shut up! He has stopped squawking. He's receded into my Grandpa's beard. We can all watch the movie. Shut up." Frank Jr said as he returns To watch the movie.

"Eric, if you're in here, we're all going to Marty's after the movie." Voice said as he tells his friend in the audience.

As we join Peter and Lois in their room at night at the Mallque/Griffin house.

"I love you so much." Lois said as she gets ready.

"I love you, too, honey." Peter said as they begin to kiss until the bird bite Lois tounge.

"What's wrong?" Chris said as he see the bird scream and he scream in terror.

"Now that's it. Your history, pal. No bird Frenches my wife and gets away with it!" Peter said as he on the attack for the bird life.

Now we join Brian, John and Tyler at Pear house change a light bulb.

"Help! Help! I've broken my hip! Brian!" pear shouted from out of the kitchen as the trio ran to help her while stepping on broken light bulb glass.

"5.3 seconds. I could have been dead by now!" Pearl said as she time them by stop watch.

"You mean, you're not really..." Brian said as John and Tyler just felt stupid.

"I heard you drop that light bulb, too. That'll be 67 cents! Now, go warm me up some of that diarrhea soup!" Pearl said

"That's it! we have had it with you, your old hag! You're just a miserable, dried-up shut-in trying to make everyone else feel as bad as you do! Why don't you do the world a big favor and drop dead?" Brian, John and Tyler shouted at her as they storm towards the door.

"This last one won't open." Brian said as the trio couldn't open the door.

"Jiggle it a little bit." Pearl said as she explains how to open the door.

"Like this?" Brian said as he couldn't open the door.

"Nah, here, let me get it." Pearl said as she opens the door, the trio were about to leaving.

"Thanks. And you know-drop dead." Brian said as he, John and Tyler leave while tyelr closes the door behind them.

Now we join ourselves at the Mallque/Griffin house with Peter and Frank Jr play Heavy metal rock music to get rid of the bird.

"Get out of my beard, you squawking bastard! Nothing. Well, I was hoping it wouldn't come to this." Peter said as he takes out a gun to kill the bird.

"Oh my God, Peter, no!" Lois said as she runs toward them

"Grandma/Lois, the bird must die!" Frank Jr and Peter said as they were about to shoot the bird. Until Lois went in to steal it.

As Lois, Frank Jr and Peter struggle for the gun, which goes off, breaking the window and the bird leave the beard.

"It's gone! It's gone! Oh, thank God!" Peter said as he celebrates of his freedom of the bird in his bear.

"Guys, what's that sound?" Lois said as Chirping was coming from Peter's beard to reveal Five baby birds.

"Oh, my God! They're babies. Hey, look, Lois. There are five of them, just like ours." Peter said as Meg, Persephone, Chris and Stewie's heads appear on the first four birds, then nothing on the fifth.

"And uh, um..." Peter said as Boba Fett's helmet appears on fifth bird.

"Sweet." Frank Jr said as he imagines himself as Boba Fett's helmet appears on fifth bird.

Now we join the family watching tv as it shows something shocking.

"We now return to E!'s Mysteries and Scandals. Pearl Burton, the Jingle Queen." Announcer said which shocks brain, John and Tyler.

"Pearl?" Brian said in shocked of pears past statues.

"I'm A.J. Benza. You won't find Pearl Burton's name on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Yet from 1945 to 1960, you couldn't turn on a radio or television without hearing one of her trademark jingles. A.J." Benza said as we see an old commensal with pear sing one of her jingles.

Pearl

You're only healthy when you're tan so soak up all the sun you can with Copper-Coppertone!

"At her peak, Pearl Burton earned 26 grands a year which by today's standards would be just under 49 billion dollars." A.J. Benza said.

"Brian, she's beautiful." Lois said as she copayments her looks.

"Yeah. And that voice. I had no idea." Brian said as he falls in love with her voice.

"In 1961, Pearl used an appearance at Carnegie Hall to make the leap from jingle-singer to artist." A.J. Benza said.

As we see past Pearl sings operatic aria on the tv.

"That's Habanera from Carmen. I've never heard it sung so beautifully." Brian said

"Sing Coppertone! Yeah, Coppertone! Do Doan's Pills! Sing Gold Bond Medicated Powder! Pepsodent! Chiclets! Chiclets!" Audience said as they ruin her habanera and she runs away in shame.

"No one has seen Pearl Burton since that fateful night over 30 years ago. She's presumed dead." A.J. Benza said as the special was over.

"My God! And I said all those awful things to her!" Brian said as they rush toward to pear house.

Now we join Brian, John and Tyler. rushes to Pearl's house, where she is about to hang herself.

"Pearl! Come on, Pearl! Don't do this!" Brian said as he is the only think hold pear from hanging herself.

"You should be happy! I'm taking your advice and doing the world a big favor! Now, move! Your fur is making my feet sweat!" Pearl said as she complains about her sweaty feet.

"Pearl, listen to us. we heard you sing. It was the most beautiful sound we've ever heard in my life." John said as he tells her about amazing sing.

"Sure. Warbling for Vicks VapoRub and Dippity-do!" Pearl said as she thinks that the trio likes her old jingles.

"No, no, Pearl, we mean..." Tyler said as he tries to help pear by explain her talent.

"Ah, stop trying to talk me out of it! I'm a pathetic sellout!" Pearl said as she whines.

"No one who sings Carmen like you is pathetic!" Brian said as he complements her sing the carmen song.

"What?" Pearl said as she stop moving by that response.

"We heard you sing Habanera. You were sublime." Brian said as he and the boys love her habanera.

"You liked my aria?" Pearl said as she is touch by the trio.

"I was overwhelmed." John and Tyler said together.

"You're three were the first whoever complimented my Habanera. Thank you." Pearl said as she thanks them for that complement.

"Well, we'd better get going. we'll see you tomorrow." Brian said as the trio leave towards the door.

"But you're not scheduled tomorrow." Pearl said as she questions them.

"We know." Brian said as the trio smile, knowing they will make have the best day ever.

As Cheerful instrumental music while Peter and the birds montage, as he and Frank Jr are having a picket while peter feeds his birds the bird way. Then Frank Jr takes the birds to the malt shop for milk shakes as they share the milk shake. Then we see them brushing their teeth as peter spits then the birds spit their mouth wash away.

"And then the cow came out of the barn. See? See, look. There's the cow. And what does a cow say?" Peter said as he asks his birds while the reply with peeps.

"Yes, yes, that's right. A cow says peep-peep-peep-peep." Frank Jr said is happy with their response.

"You know, Peter and Frank Jr. they're getting awfully big." Lois said as she ask them about the birds.

"So?" Peter question her response as he tries to keep his birds from leaving his beard.

"So, every good mother knows when it's time for her babies to leave the nest." Lois said as she know they have matured.

"Hey, they're free to go anytime they want!" Peter said as birds attempt to leave until they crash near the window as Frank Jr scopes them up and put them in Peter's beard.

"Fine. we'll let them go." Peter said as he and Frank Jr finally has to bid them a sad farewell.

Now we join the trio at Pearl's as she sings final notes of Ave Maria.

"Pearl, do you rent or own?" Brian said as he ask a question.

"Own what?" Pearl said in question.

"Those wings, you angel." John said as he cheers for pear.

"That was fantastic." Tyler said as he as well cheers for pear.

"That was so incredible." Brian said as he too cheers for pear.

"So, what do you want for dinner? I was thinking about making us that lamb and rice you love." Pearl said as she asks them about what they want for dinner.

"Well, you know, Pearl, what I'd really like for dinner is to go out." Brian said as he wants to take her out for dinner.

"Brian, you know I can't do that. I haven't left this house in such a long time. I'm afraid." Pearl said as she is still agoraphobia.

"I know. But I'll be with you." Brian said as he encourages Pearl to overcome her agoraphobia.

"I don't know." Pearl said as she gets nerves.

"Come on, Pearl. There's so much you've missed in the last 30 years. In fact, allow me to fill you in?" Brian said as he starts an extravagant musical number.

Brian:

The sixties brought the hippie breed,

And decades later things have changed indeed

We lost the values but we kept the weed

You've got a lot to see.

John

The Reagan years have laid the frame

For movies stars to play the White House game

We're not too far from voting Feldman/Haim

You've got a lot to see.

Tyler

The town of Vegas has got a different face

Cause it's a family place with lots to do.

Where in the fifties a man could mingle with scores

Of all the seediest whores, well now his children can too.

You've heard it from the canine's mouth,

The country's changed, that is except the South, and you'll agree

No one really knows, my dear lady friend

Just quite how it all will end

So hurry, 'cause you've got a lot to see.

Brian

The baldness gene was cause for dread

But that's a fear that you can put to bed

They'll shave your ass and glue it on your head

You've got a lot to see.

John

The PC-age has moved the bar,

A word like "redneck" is a step too far.

The proper term is "country music star"

You've got a lot to see.

Tyler

Our flashy cell phones make people mumble,

"Gee whiz- look how important he is, his life must rule!"

You'll get a tumor, but on your surgery day

The doc will see it and say, "Wow, you must really be cool!"

Tom Tucker:

There's lots of things you may have missed

Mayor Adam West:

Like Pee Wee and his famous wrist

Cleveland and Menma:

Or Sandy Duncan's creepy phony eye.

Neil Goldman:

That awesome Thundercats cartoon.

Diane Simmons:

Neil Armstrong landing on the moon.

Meg Griffin and Persephone:

Neil Armstrong? Wait, was he the trumpet guy?

Brian:

So let's go see the USA

They'll treat you right unless you're black or gay or Cherokee

But you can forgive the world and its flaws

And follow me there because

You've still got a hell of a lot to see.

You've got a lot to see!

"Brian, I've missed so much! I wouldn't be standing here right now if it wasn't for you!" Pearl said as she was Heartened by Brian's belief in her, Pearl strides proudly into the street, where she is immediately struck by a truck.

Now we join Brian accompanies her to the hospital.

"She's right in here. Just tell the disorderly when you're ready to leave." Doctor Hartman said something stupid.

"Don't you mean the orderly?" Brian said as he questions his response.

"No, I mean the disorderly. That's a little doctor joke we like to make around here. We also like Kevin Pollack." Doctor Hartman said as we join Brain and the boys entering Pears room.

"Oh, my God, Pearl!" Brian said as they rush toward her.

"Boys, I don't have much time." Pearl said as she is running out of time.

"God, I never should have made you leave the house! This is all my fault!" Brian said as he blames himself.

"Don't be so hard on yourself. Aside from the truck part, this was the best day of my life. I only wish we could have a little more time together." Pearl said as she tells him not to blame himself; it had been the best day of her life.

"We can." Brian said as Brian shares a virtual reality experience with her in which they marry with John and Tyler as best man, they go to Paris to eat and going dance on a crew with John and Tyler, they have children as the family are all together during Christmas, and they all grow old together at a farm.

Now we join Peter and Frank Jr at field during a sunset. Frank Jr calls the birds from Peter bear to land on his fingers and then he lets them go as they fly towards the sunset.

"Good-bye, kids." Frank Jr and Peter said as the birds leave both Frank Jr and Peter cried tears finally to bid them a sad farewell.

While Sentimental instrumental music was playing in the background was ending the day for both Peter, Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Brian love.

As Heart monitor flat line, Pearl quietly passes away as the vision ends.

"Good-bye, Pearl." Brian, John and Tyler said as they caress her cheeks with tear of Farwell.

"Hey, who wants to see a dead body?" Doctor said as he piss of John and Tyler and they close the door while they beat up the doctors for that response.

Now we join them at the drunken clam drinking their sorrows away with booze.

"Rough week, huh?" Peter said as he and Frank Jr drink their drinks.

"we've seen better." Brian said as he, John and Tyler drink martens.

"Guys, looks like somebody's checking you out." Frank Jr said as a couple of blonde were check them out.

"We've-we've not ready yet." John and Tyler said as they went to their drinks.

"You're getting some looks yourself." Brian said as he points out a female bird checking Frank Jr and Peter out.

Me and grandpa not ready either." Frank Jr said as the chapter ends with Frank Jr, John, Tyler, Peter and Brian drinking their beers.

Chapter ends

I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also Doc X me if you want to help with scenes for next chapter because I need the ideas.