Chapter 46: From Method to Madness
Opening Credits
It seems today that all ya see
Is violence in movies and sex on TV
But where are those good, old-fashioned values
On which we used to rely
Lucky there's a Family Guy!
Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh n' Cry
He's
a
Fam
-ily
Guy!
End
Now we join Brian, Frank, Frank Jr and Lois attend a poorly acted one-man show.
"Ah, thanks for coming you guys. Mark's been trying to get me to see his one-man show for weeks." Brian said as he complains about his friend trying to make come to his show.
"I think it's wonderful you're supporting your old pal." Lois said as she thinks Brian did a good thing for his friend.
"Yeah Brian, its good to do good things for friend even when we all know their hobbies suck ass." Frank said as the show start with mark on center stage
"Go long, Eddie! Go long! Further! Further! [As Mark Playful throws a football and then groaning] Life sure was crazy growing up in Brooklyn. We had some real characters in my neighborhood, like Frank the Mailman." Mark said as he tips his cap to look like his friend Frank.
"Hey, Mark, the ants for your ant farm came today!" Mark said as explain his friend then he turns his cap to look like his friend Mark.
"And my friend Lonny, that knucklehead. 'Yo, Marky, let's play some b-ball.' 'B-ball.' That's what we called it. B-ball." Mark said as he make basketball moves with his hand. "And my grandma. Boy! Was she something else! 'Hey, Marky, don't forget to take your cod liver oil.'" Mark said as then he hunches down to look like his grandma.
As muffled coughing from a random person in the audience while both Frank and Frank Jr fell asleep by that act. Then Lois and Brain look at their watches to look at the deadline.
Afterwards while all the Chattering from Mark act we join the group with Brian being piss off.
"God, what a piece of self-indulgent crap! All the characters sounded exactly the same." Brian said as he complain about the show characters.
"Great show, Mark." Frank the Mailman said in the same tone of voice.
"You really captured me perfectly." Lonny said in every same tone of voice.
"Me, too, Marky. You are so talented." Mark's Grandma said in the very same tone of voice as the others.
"That was awful. You know, with a little practice, I could act circles around that guy." Brian said he boasts that he could easily do a better job.
"Oh, yeah? Well then, put up or shut up." Frank Jr said as he hands Brian a flier.
"This Thursday, auditions for the Quahog School of Performing Arts' upcoming semester." Brian said reading the flier
"You should try out." Lois said as she dares him to audition for the local theater.
"You know, that's not a bad idea, Lois. Okay, ready for the best acting you've seen all night?" Brain said as he walk toward Mark.
"Mark, wow! What a journey! Thank you so much. Those three-and-a-half hours just flew by." Brian said as he congratulates him by acting threw his teeth.
Meanwhile at the quahog ocean on peters boat.
"Hey, Santos, Pasqual. Listen, you guys have done such good work today I got a surprise for you. Doritos! Not now. Later." Peter said as he rewords his Portuguese work with Doritos but not right now after they finish their work.
"I'm going to try and get on that "Millionaire" show." Pasqual said in Portuguese.
"Fantastic! I will be your line for life!" Santos said in Portuguese.
"It's "life-line"! Dammit, those are the kinds of mistakes we can't afford to make!" Pasqual said in Portuguese. Until they hear some shouting for help in the ocean.
"Help! Help!" Dave said as he drown.
"Oh, my God!" Peter said as he runs into his courters to get a life raft.
While Dramatic instrumental music as Peter saves a drowning man named Dave Campbell on his fishing boat.
"Thanks. I was boogie-boarding and I got sucked out by the rip tide. I thought I was a dead man." Dave said as he is cover in a blanket.
"Oh, you've got to be starving. Here, eat these." Peter said as he give him the Doritos that should have belong to the Portuguese.
"Hey! He's giving away our Doritos!" Santos said in Portuguese as he complains about his Doritos.
"In Portugal, I was a cardiologist." Pasqual said in Portuguese as he realized that he wasted his life.
Meanwhile at the Mallque/Griffin house in the kitchen, we join Peter and Lois talking about then man who drowned.
"Oh, my God! He was just floating out there by himself?" Lois said with concern.
"Yep. He was so grateful I saved his life he invited us all over for dinner tonight." Peter said as he and the family are invited to eat at Dave's house.
"Oh, good. I don't have to cook." Lois said as she doesn't have to cook.
"Oh, no, no-go ahead and cook anyway, Lois, and we'll throw it out." Frank Jr said as he walk into the living room.
"I don't want you to get rusty." Frank said from outside the kitchen as Peter enter the living room.
Meanwhile John and Tyler were watching TV as Brian enter the room.
"Say, Guys, my audition's coming up. Would you mind listening to my monologue?" Brian said as he ask them to listen to his monologues.
"Sure, Brian. Let's hear it." John said as Peter joins in as well to listen.
"Julie, there's something I gotta tell you..." Brian said breathes deeply.
"Ha! That's awesome! Go on." Peter said as he interrupts him while piss off John and Tyler.
"...tell you. I saw Doctor Phil..." Brian said as he tries his monologue.
"Wow! Wow! Yes! Yes! I love it!" Peter said until Frank Jr bitch slaps him for that response.
"...Doctor Philips today. I might not make it to Christmas." Brian said as he tries his monologue again.
"Oh, yeah, drop the bomb. Drop it. There's not a dry eye in the house. Keep going." Peter said until John, Tyler and Frank Jr kick his ass for not waiting for Brain to be finished.
"No, you know what? I'm gonna stop. Maybe we'll work on it later." Brian said as he walk away.
Okay, well, just so you know, it was good. But I was also being pretty generous. Peter shouted as he faints from the asswhooping.
Now we join the Mallque/Griffin Family at Dave house as Frank Rings doorbell. The door opens to revel a naked baby boy.
"Well, look at you, you little jaybird. You want to tell your mommy and daddy the Griffins are here?" Peter said as the kid ran as Dave walk in all naked as the Mallque/Griffin family look in shocked.
"Come on in! Welcome, Griffins and Mallques!" Dave said as he questers them to come in.
"We must be early." Lois said stammering as she tries not to stare Dave's winner.
"Oh, nonsense. You're right on time." Dotty said as she come down from the stairs.
"Oh, my God! She's got hair growing out of her boobs and up to her head!" Frank said as he checks out Dave's wife being all nude but covered by her long hair.
"You're, uh, you're completely..." Lois said as she tries not to stare.
"Nude? Yes. We're nudists." Dotty said as she answer them.
"Permission to freak out?" Chris, John, Tyler and Frank Jr said together.
"Peter, did you know about this?" Lois said as she question him about him save a nudists.
"I thought he lost his bathing suit in the ocean." Peter said as he tries to calm his wife down.
"So, you're the man who saved my husband's life. Dotty Campbell. Oh, what am I doing? Come here!" Dotty said as she hugs peter while Peter feels her breast on his chest.
"Watch my hands, Lois! See where they are? No touchie!" Peter said as he show that he not a pervert.
Now we join the gang outside yard of the Campbell household.
"This is the back yard. Feel that? That's premium blue-tip Bermuda. Real hardy, but soft." Dave said as he bends down to rub his lawn while accidently showing his butthole.
"Oh, good lord!" Lois said as she covers her eyes.
"Don't look directly into it, Grandma Lois." Frank Jr said as he and the rest of the family covers their eyes.
"The hot dogs and burgers are ready. Can I get you a beer, Peter?" Dotty said as she come to them with hotdogs.
"What do you got?" John asked her while not look at her nakedness.
"I've got Busch. Oh, and Busch Light." Dotty said as everyone gasp on what she said until she tells them about beer.
Now we join the family eating in Campbell dinner room as they hear the front Door closes.
"Sounds like Jeff's home. Hey, sport! How'd you do?" Dave said as his son, Jeff enters the room with a trophy and completely naked.
"I got first place, Dad." Jeff said as he walks towards the table with Persephone blushing at his body while John gets jelly all over this.
"Way to go, champ! Jeff plays varsity tennis for Saint Genevieve High." Dave said as he congratulate his son for his victory.
"Oh, cool." Persephone said as Frank Jr does kisses face with Tyler laughing.
"Is this the biggest thing you've ever seen?" Jeff said as he shows off his trophy.
"Don't get too cocky. I had a big one like that when I was your age." Dave said as he brags about his high school days.
"Oh, you were a showoff yourself, Dave. He brought it out on our first date." Dotty said as she comments her husband past.
"Lois, I'm scared." Peter said to his wife of his fear and he accidently drops hot dog beneath table.
"I'll get that." Frank said as he and peter goes under the table until Peter accidently touch Dave's penius.
"Hey!" Dave said from his dick being touch by peter.
"Oh, God! Oh, Dave, sorry! Oh, God." Peter said as he panic get nerves from touch Dave's dick.
Now we join the family drive home as they fail to bond with the Campbell family.
"Boobies!" Frank Jr and Chris said as they like boobies from see Dotty's.
"Chris, Frank Jr, that's enough. I'm sure glad to be out of there!" Lois said
You said it. What those people are doing just ain't natural! Peter said
Boobies! Chris said
Did you hear her, Uncle Chris? Frank Jr said
"I don't know what the big deal was. I thought they were nice." Meg said as she likes her new friends.
"I agreed, I don't know what the big deal either. (Until their son come in!)" John said agreeing with Meg and whisper the last part since he like Persephone.
"Boobies!" Chris said as he like Bobbies.
"Frank, Peter?" Lois said as she ask them to fix this.
"Do it." Frank Jr said as he, his father, His mother, his buddies, his dog and Grandparents put on sunglass so Frank jr uses a Neuralizer from Men in Black to arase his memories of boobies
"Did you have fun at the circus today?" Frank Jr asked his uncle and makes him believe he just came back from the circus.
"Elephants are bigger in person." Chris said as he totally forgets about bobbies.
Now we join Frank Jr, Maddie, Rosie, Brian and Stewie at the Quahog School of Performing Arts
"Break a leg up there, Brian." Frank Jr and Stewie said as they wish Brian luck for his audition.
"Well, you seem awfully enthusiastic." Brian said as he question both talking baby.
"At first I wanted you to fail. But then I realized you'd be out of the house five days a week, which means I'd be free to throw some of my sexy parties." Stewie said as in an effort to get Brian out of the house, Stewie encourages the dog to audition for local theater. As he set off a cutaway.
Cutaway
While Madcap instrumental music playing
As We see Stewie dancing with women dancing in lingerie as he throws a sexy party. While All girls giggling as they are being chase by stewie.
Cutaway Ends
"Brian Griffin?" Simon said as he announces Brian's name.
"Good luck, Brian." Frank Jr and the talking babies said as they wish Brian luck.
"Hi, I'm Brian Griffin. This is from John Waltz's 'Leaving Wichita.' "Julie, there's something I gotta tell you. I saw Doctor Philips today. I might not make it to Christmas." Brian said as he does his addition.
"Ooh, thank you. Next." Simon said as he and the rest of The judges are bored with Brian.
"Next? Hold on, Brian! Stay up there! Stay there. Now, see here! Brian Griffin is a brilliant actor with talent and passion!" Stewie said as he stands up for Brian.
"But you alleged experts obviously didn't notice. Well, we did notice! we saw a man bare his soul up here! And his pain ran through my heart like an errant locomotive, but it was wasted, wasted on all of you!" Frank Jr said as he grabs a vase and smash on the floor in anger.
As the judges Murmuring for their final vote.
"Well, it looks like we're going to have to reconsider. Brian, we want you..." Simon said
"Yes!" Brian said as he hopes they let him in the Quahog School of Performing Arts.
"...off the stage. But your young friends there would make a perfect addition to the school's Rising Star Program. Simon said as he and The judges are bored with Brian but are delighted with Stewie, who is immediately enrolled in the Quahog School of Performing Arts.
"This calls for a sexy party!" Stewie said as he starts a sexy party.
As Stewie and couple of ladies in their underwear are running around having fun and giggling in the style of the Benny Hill joke. Frank Jr, Maddie and Rosie came in.
"Okay, what is going on?" Frank Jr said as he questions on what happing right know.
"I'm having a sexy party, any of you girls care to join?" Stewie said as he asked the twins.
"I think I'll pass... What about you-" Maddie said as she asked her twin until Maddie noticed Rosie took her dress and her shirt leaving her a diaper, bra and legging similar to the sexy girls.
"I always wanted to party!" Rosie said as Rosie then joins in running around like the other girls.
"Why do I even bother...?" Maddie said as she faces palms her face.
Now we join Frank Jr and Stewie's first day of acting class.
"Well, I didn't fancy seeing you here." Stewie said as he sees Maddie join this school.
"Nice to see you two..." Maddie said sarcastically.
"Okay, funcakes, let's do a scene. Okay, Frank Jr and Stewie, how about you two and...uh, let's see, one of our veterans. Olivia." Simon said
"I'm not doing a scene with them! They are both inexperienced! they'll drag my whole performance down!" Olivia said as she diss them in front of the whole class.
"Are you serious?" Frank Jr asked Olivia about her behavior.
"Is she serious?" Stewie said as he asked the teacher.
"Okay, Stewie, I'll give you a solo exercise. Now, you're gonna do a little exercise we call, "The Life Cycle." Now, without using words, you're gonna act out your entire life from birth to death exactly as I describe it. Okay, ready? Lie down. Now, you're being born. Ready, and burst through the placenta! Now fast-forward. It's your first day of school. You're alone and scared. But it's all right, it's all right. It's sloppy-joe day. Okay, pull it back, pull it back. The lady touched the bun and she's not wearing gloves. Okay, fast-forward. You're a businessman and you manage a lot of people. And here comes Henderson and he lost the big account. You're mad. Madder. Madder! Come on. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! There it is. You got it. And fast-forward. You're an old man now. You're on your deathbed. Your son is there holding your hand. You tell him you accept his lifestyle and regret humiliating him at his only sister's wedding by introducing him as your "other daughter." And, scene. Okay, any comments?" Simon said as he instructs Stewie to "burst through the placenta". This should have been a term like "birth canal" instead of placenta. The placenta is an organ that provides the fetus with food and removes waste, not something that the fetus passes through during birth.
"You are the weakest link! Good-bye!" Olivia said as she made a joke and makes everyone Laugh.
"Ha-ha-ha-ha, Oh, gosh! That's funny. That's really funny. Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. "You are the weakest link. Good-bye!" You know, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference that outside the program before. Because, that's what she says on the show, right? "You are the weakest link. Good-bye!" And yet, you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation." Frank Jr said as he ribs on her.
"God, what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with that joke all by yourself. That's so fresh, too. Any Titanic jokes, you want to throw at me, as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity? Because I'm here. God, you're so funny." Stewie said Laughs as he joins in this conversation.
Meanwhile at the quahog mall, Frank, John, Tyler and the Griffin twin are shopping for clothes.
"Persephone?" Jeff said as he stops the gang as he said hello.
"Jeff? Wow, hey! What are you doing here?" Persephone said as she greets him.
"They had a sale on Super Soakers! Check it out." Jeff said as he show his water gun.
As Frank and Meg Giggling, while Tyler smirks and John just frown as he gets close to Persephone to block Jeff. Until Jeff was assaulted by water balloons.
"What the heck?" Jeff said as he and the gang spots some random teenagers.
"Nudist!" Teen 1 said as he ran and shouted.
"My dad's a tailor, you jerk!" Teen 2 said as he complains on the nudes for not buy clothes.
"Gosh, that's awful!" Persephone said as she tries to clean the water off
"Ah, that's all right. I'm used to it. Well, I better go. So, um, would you guys want to do something sometime?" Jeff said
"Sure. That'd be great." John said as he shakes everyone hand for the friendship since he feel bad for what happened.
"Cool. we'll call you later." Persephone said as she blushes while walking away inside the mall.
As Sentimental instrumental music, as Jeff has finally made friends while passing Herbert.
Holy moly! It must be my birthday! Herbert the Old Neighbor said as he praises the raping gods.
Meanwhile the Quahog School of Performing Arts, we join Frank Jr and Stewie at band practice until Frank Jr Ineffective blowing his horn and makes Farting noise from his butt.
"Thank you. That was, 'Me Farting' by Chopin. Thank you very..." Stewie said Nervous laughing as he drags Frank Jr out of the musical classroom.
Now we are outside the Quahog School of Performing Arts, we see the babies with Olivia waiting for their parents.
"So, Olivia. Beautiful day." Frank Jr said as he starts the conversation.
"You're not gonna fart again, are you?" Olivia said as she is a being a bitch and that when Lois came by to pick up the babies.
"Well, I'd love to stay and chat. But you're a total bitch." Stewie said as he and the group enter the car with Frank Jr making face for olive remark.
Now we join Frank Jr and Stewie going for a drink of water from drinking fountain as they hear their teacher response.
"The quarterly review's tomorrow. Think all your kids will pass?" Teacher said as she asked Simon about his students.
"Well, I'll tell you who's not gonna pass. It starts with an "O" and rhymes with "Bolivia." Give up? Olivia." Simon said as he tells her that olive is not going to pass.
"Really?" Teacher said in shocked.
"Oh, yes! She's such a little frosty box! She won't work with anybody. And both Frank G Mallque Junior and Stewie Griffin is also on the fence. If they both and Olivia don't deliver at their quarterly reviews, I'll just going to have to kick their cute little bottoms out of here." Simon said as both talking babies look in shocked by this news.
Now we join every kid at the cafeteria, as Frank Jr and Stewie walking towards to Olivia's table.
"Uh, this table is reserved for people with talent." Olivia said as she asked them to leave.
"Stow the 'tude, queenie. You, me and Stewie have a problem. Read it and weep." Frank Jr said as he passes the reports on them to Oliva.
"Doesn't work well with others"? Olivia said in shocked.
"Yes. ours are no better. we'll spare you the details, suffice it to say the phrase "garden variety" appears a number of times." Stewie said as he spars her about their report.
"What am I going to do?" Olivia said as she questions herself on fixing this problem.
"What are 'we' going to do? Look, our evaluation's tomorrow. You need someone to work with and, well, we need someone to make us look good." Frank Jr said as he swallows his pride as he asked her for help in their act.
"I don't know." Olivia said as she having second thoughts.
"Well, fine! Refuse our offer. Get booted out of this place and wind up like Linda Evans." Stewie said as he set up a cutaway.
Cutaway
"Linda Evans, we have a spill in Aisle 9. Linda Evans, spill in Aisle 9" the intercom at the grocery store announced as there was nobody there.
Cutaway Ends
Now we join Frank, Meg, Persephone, John, Tyler and Jeff making sandwiches in the kitchen.
"Do you like yours with crust or without?" Persephone asked Jeff.
How do you like yours? Jeff asked her on how she makes her sandwich.
"Okay, let's both answer at the same time. One, two, three." Persephone said as she makes a countdown.
"with!" Frank and Tyler shouted their response.
"Without!" Jeff shouted his response.
"Without!" John, Meg and Persephone shouted the same response.
"Holy moly! That's eight things we all have in common!" Jeff shouted as he lucky to have great friends.
"Kids, we're home." Lois said as she and Peter return from shopping for food.
"Hello, Mr. And Mrs. Griffin." Jeff said as he says hello to Lois and Peter, but gets a shocked look by them.
You guys remember Jeff? Frank said as he reintroduces them to Jeff.
"Sure. Lois, I'm gonna borrow your Mace." Peter said as he sprays self in eyes
"Aaaaaaaah, That's better." Peter said as he screams in pain until he can see Jeff's nakedness.
"Guys, did any of the neighbors see Jeff come over?" Lois said as she is worried about what the neighbors would say about Jeff being naked in their house.
"Mom! Come on, Guys. Let's go in the other room." Meg said as she and the group left the kitchen to the living room.
"Now, Guys, no need to get so testes... Testy! Nuts! I mean crap!" Lois said as she tries to correct herself but fail.
"You want to sit down?" Persephone said as she offers Jeff a seat on their family couch.
"Wait a second! Don't sit down yet!" Peter said as he wraps the couch in plastic wrap.
"Pops, what are you doing?" Frank asked his father in law about what he did to the couch.
"I'm uh, keeping the couch fresh." Peter said as he lies threw his teeth.
"Dad!" Persephone and Meg shouted at their father for his dick move.
"It's okay, Guys. I understand what's going on here. I'm gonna go." Jeff said as he leaves the house.
"Oh, just step on these coasters on your way out. There we go, yeah. Don't step on the hot lava. The carpet is hot lava." Peter said as he puts coasters on the floor for Jeff to step on his way out.
"I can't believe you guys!" Frank and John shouted at Peter and Lois behavior.
"Guys, how could you bring that naked kid into our house?" Peter said as he counters back on why they brought Jeff into their home.
"Because we like him! He remembers Persephone name!" Frank said as he explains that Persephone is making a new friend.
"Well, I'm sorry but we don't think you guys should see him anymore." Lois said as she forbids them to see Jeff.
As Persephone Sobbing as she runs up stairs as Lois starting to feel bad on what she and Peter did.
"I hate the sound of her crying." Lois said as she feels bad for what she has said and done.
"You know what sounds even worse?" Frank said as he makes Screech noises on the cellophane of the couch.
"Ah, listen to that." John said as Frank makes Screech noises on the cellophane of the couch which makes Peter and Lois winces by the noise.
"Don't you hate that?" Meg said as Frank makes more Screech noises on the cellophane of the couch which makes Peter and Lois winces more by the noise.
"That is awful." Tyler said as Frank makes even more Screech noises on the cellophane of the couch which makes Peter and Lois winces more by the noise.
"I think it's easier on me 'cause I'm the one making the sound." Frank said as he makes Screech noises on the cellophane of the couch which makes Peter and Lois winces by the noise.
Now we join the babies at the Quahog School of Performing Arts at stage watching a kid play the mime act.
"Okay, nice effort, Brad. But let's remember our performance hierarchy. Legitimate theater, musical theater, stand-up, ventriloquism, magic, mime. All right, next up is Olivia. Liv, what monologue are you doing for us this time?" Simon said as he shows brad the acting pecking order and then calls olive for her act.
"I'm not doing a monologue. I'm doing a piece with Stewie while Frank Jr plays the music." Olivia said
"A duet/Musical number. Really? Well, let's see it." Simon said as they started their act with Frank Jr playing a dancing melody.
Stewie
A five, six, seven, eight Who's got the greatest gal around?
Olivia
You do! Who's got the sweetest man in town?
Stewie
You do
Olivia
Who's got a guy who makes her smile all day?
Stewie
By the way, I'm not so bad to look at either
Olivia
Who's got a guy with lots of brains?
Stewie
You do Who's got the girl who loves chow mein?
Olivia
You do
Stewie
Who's got the greatest love in the world?
Olivia
You do
Stewie
And you do
Both
Thank goodness I've got you
Olivia
Who's got a guy to tell her jokes?
Stewie
You do Who's got a girl to show the folks?
Olivia
You do
Stewie
Who's got a girl he'd like to one day undress?
Olivia
Give it a rest, I told you: not until we're married
Stewie
Who's got the gal with all the snazz?
Olivia
You do Who's got the fella with pizazz?
Stewie
You do Who's got the greatest love in the world?
Olivia
You do
Stewie
And you do
Both
Thank goodness I've got you
As everyone Applause for the performance of the trio act.
"Watch this. Are you watching?" Simon said as he slaps himself in face.
"That's for me ever having doubted you. A-plus!" Simon said until Frank jr slaps him in face.
"And that's for you wearing purple pants with blue socks!" Frank Jr said Wincing as he insults Simon's dress wear for today.
"Heh, we totally called him on it." Stewie said as he brags on what they did on Simon
"Next up we have is, Frank Mallque Jr and Maddie Murdock." Simon said as he introduces the duo.
As Frank Jr and Maddie came on stage dressed like clowns (Minus the makeup). Maddie tossed a cream pie at Jr and then squirted seltzer at him. Jr. Then Jr planted a banana peel on the floor, Maddie on purposed step on it and acted like she slipped on the peel pretending to fall and then got up. Then Jr digs into her pocket and pulls out a handkerchief which attached to another, and another and another so on and so on until he pulled out the last one which is stuck. Jr tries tugging it out a few times.
"Uh, Junior?" Maddie asked her acting partner as this act is going to fail.
With one more tug, Jr finally got the last handkerchief out only to accidentally rip of Maddie's clown pants revealing her diaper making Maddie embarrassed.
"Okay, that wasn't supposed to happen." Frank Jr said to the audience.
"That doesn't matter, you two make a cute duo, but clowns are too scary and over rated. Simon
After this, Frank and Maddie came back to their seated still in their costumes (What's left of Maddie's)
"So Junior, how was your act? That last part with Maddie is certainly appealing." Stewie asked his nephew as the scene fade to black.
Now we are back at the Quahog School of Performing Arts inside Simon office as he is having a meeting with the parents of Frank Jr, Stewie and Olivia.
"Okay, no secrets. I want to share Stewie, Frank Jr and Olivia with the world." Simon said as he wants to take the trio on tour.
"Well, they're awfully young. Is this really a good idea?" Lois said as she worried about the babies' safety.
"It's a great idea. I've always dreamed of becoming an actress. That's not why I'm pushing Olivia to do it. Is it suspicious that I brought that up unprovoked?" Olivia's Mother said as she is jealous of her daughter success.
"Well, I guess it might be okay." Meg said as she is fine with her son going on tour.
"Sure, look at Elroy Jetson. He was a child actor and he turned out just fine." Frank said as he sets up a cutaway.
Cutaway
We see an adult Elroy Jetson looking completely messed up.
"Do you know who I am? I'm Elroy Jetson!"
"Yeah, yeah, come back when you have some money. Take him home, Bamm-Bamm" the bar manager suggested.
"Bamm-bamm-bamm!" Bamm-Bamm shouted as Elroy rides home.
"I don't want to go home! Take me to Astro's grave!" Elroy demanded.
Cutaway Ends
Now we join the trio doing their act at shady oaks retirement home in front of old people.
Olivia
You do
Stewie
And you do
Both
Thank goodness I've got you
As the old people Applause and an old man was Laughing at an old lady who broke her hand by clapping until he broke his jaw. Now we join the trio back stage.
"Do you hear that! They love us!" Olivia said as she is excited.
"Yes, we're a hit! You guy were amazing!" Frank Jr said as he was victory dance for this performance.
"Oh, so were you!" Olivia said as she congratulates Frank Jr for the melody.
"It was a good crowd. They didn't even notice that you missed that F-sharp!" Stewie said as he notices that Olivia miss her f-sharp note.
"Yes. Well...beg pardon?" Olivia asked in confusion.
"The F-sharp, darling. You were just slightly off." Stewie said as he made his argument.
"I'm pretty sure I wasn't!" Olivia said as she defends her sing skill.
"Oh, well, maybe it was me." Stewie said as he lies on saying that it was his fault in the act.
"Must've been you." Olivia said as she points at Stewie for his F-sharp.
"he was being sarcastic." Frank Jr said as he tells her that Stewie is play her like a fool.
"Well, it wasn't me!" Olivia said as she tells them it wasn't her fault.
"Well, it wasn't me!" Stewie said as he tells them that he is not at fault either.
" Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. " Stewie & Olivia said as they Singing single notes.
" Ah. Like this, listen to me!" Frank Jr said as he is sick of their argument.
Now we join Peter and Lois at the house watching TV as Frank, Meg, Persephone, John and Tyler come in through the front door all down in the dumps.
Oh, hi, Persephone. Lois said hi to her daughter until Persephone slams door and silently goes upstairs all upset.
"Guys, Peter, Do you think maybe it was unfair to tell Persephone she couldn't see that boy?" Lois asked the gang on their opinion on what she has done.
"Oh, completely." Frank said as he rolls his eyes back all sarcastically like.
"You guys totally reamed her." Meg said as she too made a sarcastic remark
"Did you see that look in her eyes?" John and Tyler said as they both said their mark.
"She hates you." Peter said as he made Lois fell even worse until John and Tyler slap him back of his head.
Now we join the trio and Simon at the marquee as Stewie and Olivia are still arguing.
" Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. " Stewie & Olivia said as they Singing single notes as they leave the van.
"Well, there it is, kids. Your first marquee. Meet you inside." Simon said as he enters inside with Frank Jr to set up their act while leave the duo to talk alone.
"Pretty exciting." Olivia said as she is very nerveless for her first show.
"What? The marquee or the other thing? Stewie said as he is piss off.
"What other thing?" Olivia asking him on what he is on about now.
"You know. The sex. With Simon. Why else would your name and Frank Jr be first?" Stewie said as he complains on why his name is last after Frank Jr's and Olivia's.
"Well, it's obvious. You know, lead with strength. Put your best foot forward, et cetera, et cetera." Olivia said the truth that she is better than Stewie in the act.
"So, the sex was good?" Stewie said as he is now asking for the truth.
"Oh, shut up, you egotistical jerk!" Olivia said as she insults him.
"You shut up, you sap-bellied strumpet!" Stewie said as he insults her back
"Blimp-headed jackass!" Olivia saying another insult while walking inside.
"Mealy-mouthed crotch pheasant!" Stewie said as he follows her then we join them doing their act on stage.
Stewie & Olivia
Thank goodness I've got you
Now we join the Mallque/Griffin house as Jeff rings the doorbell as Persephone answer it.
"Jeff? What are you doing here? I'm not supposed to see you." Persephone asking Jeff on why he is here since she is not allowed to see him.
"Your parents invited me." Jeff said as he answers her.
"her parents? But they wouldn't..." John said as Lois and peter enter all naked.
"Yes, we would." Lois said as she answers her daughter confusion.
"Oh, my God! What are you doing?" Persephone said as she and her sister cover their eyes.
"We were wrong, Persephone. If you guys like Jeff, we should give him a chance." Lois said as she is allowing them to hang out with Jeff.
Yeah. We wanted him to feel welcome in our home. Peter said as he agrees while chris also enters the room all naked.
"Mom, I need new batteries for my Walkman. Hey, why is everybody else naked?" Chris said as he asked on why his parents are naked too while John and Tyler just puke from looking at Chris body.
"Yahtzee! I win! Yeah! In your face! In your face! In your face!" Peter said as he does the bump in front of his daughters for winning at Yahtzee.
"Aaaaaaaah!" Persephone and Meg Screaming by look down.
"I gotta get going. Thanks, Mr. And Mrs. Griffin." Jeff said as he gets ready to go.
"Our pleasure, Jeff." Lois said saying good bye.
"Nice hanging with you, Jeff." Peter said as he waves good.
"I'm sorry about my parents. I hope they didn't embarrass you." Persephone said as she apologies to him about her parent's behavior.
"Are you kidding? I think they're great! It took a lot of guts for them to do what they did. I'll see you later." Jeff said as he bops her noise and walks away out the door.
As Sentimental instrumental music playing meaning as Persephone is finally happy.
"Thanks, you guys. That was really cool." Persephone said as she thanks her parents. While quagmire comes in threw the open door.
"Peter. Can I borrow your lawnmower? folks got a towel?" Quagmire said as he freaky out by Lois's naked body and asked for a towel since he did number three in his pants.
Now we join backstage with Simon, Frank Jr and the sing duo, Stewie and Olivia.
"Simon, would you be a dear and ask Stewie to dance on his own feet tonight?" Olivia said as she complains about Stewie stepping on her feet.
"Pardon me, Simon, could you provide Olivia with a bucket so she can carry a tune?" Stewie said as he makes a comeback insult.
"People! People! Stop this craziness!" Frank Jr said as he stops the argument
"Junior right, the critic from the Providence Journal is here. If he gives us a good review, the doors are gonna fly open! Now, go get 'em, my little sillybillies!" Simon said as he and Frank Jr leave the stage.
"All right, let's just get through this." Stewie said as he gets ready for the act.
"Fine with me." Olivia said as she gets ready until Stewie stops her.
"Wait a minute. You're wearing ruby lipstick. You're painted up like some attention-grabbing Jezebel!" Stewie said as he notices her lipstick and he gets piss off.
"Well, you're one to talk! You've been stuffing your diaper since day one!" Olivia said as she reveals that Stewie puts weird stuff in his diaper.
"It's where I keep my peppermint Mentos! Just because your breath reeks of rotten Lunchables doesn't mean mine has to." Stewie said as he has had it and he pushes her and then she pushes him back then they started to fight.
As Oriental instrumental music was playing while Stewie and Olivia were still fighting.
"Break it up! Break it up!" Simon said as he break off the fight.
"I don't need this act, and I don't need you! You've done nothing but hold me back! I quit!" Olivia said as she walks away.
"The only thing I've held you back from is failure! Come on, Simon. We don't need that little Bebe No-worth!" Stewie said as Frank Jr just walk away as well since this act is going south.
"I don't know, Stewie. Without Olivia this act is like Fire Island after Labor Day. Over!" Simon said as he two walks away.
"Fine! I don't need you! I can manage my own career! Yes…Yes, I'm quite capable of that." Stewie said while Stammering as he takes out a mento
Now we join at the theater with Stewie comes on stage doing his act with a new partner.
Okay, I know what you people are thinking, my act isn't the same without Olivia. So I told her all that and we need each other. So without further ado, I reintroduce Olivia. Could you come on stage? Stewie said as he call out his partner.
As the audience applauds, a girl Stewie's age came on stage but it wasn't Olivia, it was Rosie dressed as Olivia.
"So 'Olivia', are we ready to sing together like old times?" Stewie asked Rosie.
"Stewie, why are you calling me Olivia?" Rosie aske on him on calling her the wrong name.
"Don't worry about it, it's part of the act." Stewie said it in hushed tone.
Alright... Let's do it. Rosie said as she gets ready.
The music starts to play.
"So here's a little classic 'we' once heard, it's about us making amends."
Stewie said As Stewie begins his part on the song .
Stewie(singing)
You say eether and I say eyether
You say neether and I say nyther
Eether, eyether, neether, nyther
Let's call the whole thing off!
Rosie(singing bad)
I like potato and you like potahto
I like tomato and you like tomahto
Potato, potahto, tomato, tomahto!
Let's call the whole thing off!
Hey wait a minute, Olivia doesn't have a bad singing voice. Audience 1 asked about Olivia sing voice.
Stewie (singin)
But oh! If we call the whole thing off
Then we must part
Rosie (Singing bad)
And oh! If we ever part
Then that might break my heart!
"He's right, Olivia never sings bad!" Audience 2 question this girls sing.
"How can she be a bad singer?" Audience 3 asked his friends.
"That's not Olivia Fuller! Boo!" Audience 4 said as he reveals her to be a fraud.
Everyone else in the audience joins in Booing.
"This isn't good... we're loosing them." Rosie said as she freaks out.
"We'll have to keep trying." Stewie said as he does is sing part.
Stewie (Singing)
So, if you like pajamas
Rosie (Singing bad)
and you like pajahmas
Stewie (Singing)
I'll wear pajamas and give up pajahmas
For we
A tomato got tossed at Stewie as Stewie ducked.
Rosie (Singing bad)
know we
Another tomato got tossed at Rosie as she jumped over to avoided it
Stewie (Singing)
need each other
So we
As they we're singing, more tomatoes get tossed at them as one knocked off Rosie's wig.
Stewie and Rosie (Singing together)
better call the calling off off
Let's call the whole thing off!
Music ends as people continued throwing tomatoes at them.
"You won't be calling off these tomatoes." Audience 5 said as he and his friends won't stop throwing these tomatoes.
"Get off the stage!" Elroy said as he threw a bottle at the audience.
Stewie and Rosie ran up backstage now covered in tomato juice.
"Rosie, you blew it, why did you blew it? You told me you can sing good!" Stewie said as he is piss off again with another partner ruin the act.
"I tried to tell you I was trying recover my sore throat I had yesterday!" Rosie said her excuses.
As they was talking, they we're undressing themselves out of their spoiled clothes leaving them in diapers.
"Wait, you we're sick?" Stewie said as he cleans himself.
"I was." Rosie answer him.
She came to a table where she picks up a bowl of strawberry ice cream and continues eating.
"I was nearly fully recovered, and I still need to rest my voice." Rosie said as she explains she need time to heal her voice.
"We'll I'm sorry to hear that... I must've gotten myself to focused on getting back at Olivia." Stewie said as he feel like a dick for drag her without letting her heal her voice.
"Then why don't you just admit in defeat and tell Olivia that your acting gone downhill after you've split up?" Rosie asked him if he lets his pride down and just asked Olivia to come back.
As They start to get dressed into clean clothes as they continue speaking.
"And loose my pride, I think not, she's more of a b*** she is." Stewie said his response that he will never let it go.
"Then have it your way, now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to that ice cream parlor next door to get some more strawberry ice cream." Rosie said her response.
As Rosie walks off to the nearest Ice Cream Parlor.
"And don't expect me to come back, you on your own now." Rosie said it out the background.
Now we join Stewie at the shady oaks retirement home.
"What do you say, Bernie? Two nights at the old rate?" Stewie asked Bernie for a gig.
"Like I told you before, kid, I can't book you without Olivia." Retirement Home Manager said his response.
"But that's the good news. We're back together. She's right here." Stewie said as he holds up ventriloquist dummy of Olivia.
"Hi, Bernie. Glad to be back. Ask Stewie about his sexy parties." Olivia doll said her response.
As Manager slams door on Stewie.
"Ask Stewie about his sexy parties." What were you thinking?" Stewie shouted at his dummy.
"I was just trying..." Olivia doll said her response until Stewie interrupts her.
"I'm not speaking to you." Stewie said as he is not taking to his dummy.
"But, Stewie..." Olivia doll said as she tries to apologies.
Shut up! Stewie shouted at his dummy like a mad man.
Now we are back at the Mallque/Griffin household with Stewie is talking to his dolls, clearly having a nervous breakdown at the backyard with Frank Jr dress up like a therapist.
"I guess the best advice I got was from Marty Scorsese. I was having a problem understanding why I'd be taking abuse from this lower-ranking officer played by Chris O'Donnell. And he told me, "You don't have to understand it. Your character does." Oh, that always stuck with me." Stewie said to his dolls as Frank Jr write his notes.
"Stewie?" Olivia said as she arrives in the backyard.
"Olivia, what are you doing here? I must be an absolute mess. The studio made me fire my make-up girl." Stewie asked as he tries to clean himself up.
"Oh, I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing. I had heard some things." Olivia asked him about his behavior.
"That it's going great for me? Well, you heard right!" Stewie said as he questions her while being crazy.
"Glad to hear that." Olivia said.
"But, hey, you know, if you're not busy, um, what say you and I get the old team back together?" Stewie asked her to take him back.
"Well, actually, I can't. I'm on my way to Hollywood. I got this part in a movie, and..." Olivia said no to his response.
"What am I thinking? I'd love to. But I'm booked solid. I'm doing a three-episode guest shot on 'The Gilmore Girls.' I'm playing Rory's motorcycle-driving boyfriend. He's a bad boy at heart, but there's some good in there, Olivia. And it comes through, absolutely." Stewie said Stammering
"That's really good to hear, Stewie. Please, take care of yourself." Olivia said as she kisses him on the cheek as Sentimental instrumental music playing in the background.
"See you on the coast!" Stewie said as he watches her walk back to her limo.
"So, did you let him have it?" Limo Driver asked her.
No. He let himself have it. Olivia said her answer.
As we join Brian, Frank Jr and the girls going through a mental institution.
"This is it." Orderly said as he opens the door that held Stewie.
"Hey, uh, how're you doing, kid?" Brian asked Stewie if he is okay.
"Are you from Wardrobe?" Stewie question him.
"No, it's me, Brian and I brought your crew. I brought what you wanted. But they wouldn't let me leave it. So..." Brian:
"Hit it once, please. Just once." Stewie asked him to play it.
Brian hits the tuning fork on his collar.
"Ahh!" Stewie singing as he realized that it was him after all.
"Oh man, I really am off key. No wonder I'm a failure myself!" Stewie Spoken as he feels down to himself in grief.
Oh don't say that. Frank Jr said as he cheers him up.
"You like a great singer to us." Maddie said her response.
"You think so?" Stewie asked them if he really a good singer.
"Do you like tomato?" Rosie asked him.
"No, I like tomahto." Stewie answer her.
"What about potato?" Rosie asked him again
"I prefer potahto." Stewie answer her.
"Tomato?" Rosie said as she starts their routine.
"Tomahto!" Stewie said as they started their act.
Rosie (Singing)
Potato
Stewie (Singing)
Potahto
Stewie and Rosie (singing)
Let's call the whole thing off
"He's back!" Brian said as the other babies cheered as they get ready to join in on the fun.
Stewie (Singing)
But oh! If we call the whole thing off
Then we must part
Rosie (Singing)
And oh! If we ever part
Then that might break my heart!
Stewie (Singing)
So, if you like pajamas
Rosie (Singing)
and you like pajahmas
Stewie (Singing)
I'll wear pajamas and give up pajahmas
Rosie (Singing)
For we
Stewie (Singing)
know we
Stewie and Rosie (Singing)
need each other
So we better call the calling off off
Stewie, Rosie, Brian, Frank Jr and Maddie (Singing)
Let's call the whole thing off!
"Thanks for making me feel better you guys." Stewie said as they leave toward home.
Not a problem, you are my uncle after all. Frank Jr said as he love his uncle, diva in all.
"Good point!" Stewie said as they all walk inside.
"You should." when a new voice joined the conversation.
Rosie and Frank Jr turned around to face the man who had spoken. "Simon?"
"Because I rarely give one." said Simon Cowell, the famous critic.
"Easy, Simon." Frank Jr grinned.
"The competition hasn't even started yet!" Stewie grinned aswell.
"I can't help being judgmental." Simon protested. "It's who I am."
"Alrighty!" Frank Jr answered. "Who's up for a little contest, then?"
Stewie jumped up and down. he knew he'd be scared stiff when he was onstage again, but he really wanted to sing.
This was Family Guy Idol, where people at home could vote. Frank and Meg judged with Simon. Before Frank Jr got ready to pick my song, he asked His mother to write down everything the judges said, because he really wanted to know how critical Simon would be.
Cleveland was first up. His song, Disco Inferno, was for Loretta, obviously. She was right next to him.
"You're on fire, Cleveland!" Simon call. Loretta had blown a bit of fire at him, and it seemed to help.
"No, you're really on fire!" was the next thing that was heard, from Frank, and Cleveland started screaming. OK, it just freaked him out when he realized his butt had a spark on it.
Quagmire sang Mr Roboto, and Meg recorded that Simon wanted him to "get real" and that Frank found his performance "quite robotic".
Connie sang Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. Meg told Frank Jr that Simon said Connie should get a makeover and singing lessons.
I was ready by the time the Brian and The Barbershop Quartet sang Hungry Like The Wolf. The Barbershop Quartet freaked out after Brian sang that line. "Hungry? Sounds like dinnertime!"
"What?" Brian said, in his usual monotone. I heard Simon say he was hungry for talent, as I was sitting near the judges by that time.
Stewie decided to sing I'm Too Sexy. Olivia ended up making him fall down the trapdoor he was standing on.
Joe, Tyler and Rage sang I Can See Clearly Now. Ironically, he bumped into bonnie and hit the Frank cover his eyes, Meg cover her mouth and Simon blocked his ears.
Bruce wasn't good, even though he'd told off the others. He danced with Tinkerbell, the fairy, and sang Sugar Sugar in a high-pitched voice. I knew he wasn't going to win.
Well, Seamus Levine's Hooked On A Feeling was worse, and Maddie even went up to Simon to tell him what she thought.
Next, it was Rosie turn. she stepped up to the mic, and began to sing shyly to the music "I like your smile, I like your vibe, I like your sty-le,
But that's not why I love you.
And I, I like the way, you're such a sta-ar.
But that's not why I love you..."
It was Avril Lavigne's I Love You. Meg told me that Simon's comment was "Song could have been better, singing could have been worse."
John had his turn after Rosie. Rosie cast a spell on his boots, so when he jumped out of them, they made any movement he made. He sang These Boots Are Made For Walkin'. Frank Jr especially took note of the triple somersault at the end, when John finally landed back in the boots.
Frank Jr stood near the judges, so he heard Simon remark "The Boy's got my tongue...and possibly my vote." He sighed as he looked at the one empty chair beside him. "Always breaking the rules."
Persephone and Meg were onstage, now singing What I Like About You. Simon let a smile appear on his face. "Ogre-all impression...rather wonderful."
Personally, when Frank Jr looked at the contestants, he eliminated quagmire, Seamus Levine, Bruce, Brian, Stewie, and Connie as winners. The announcer decided to mention Cleveland last when it televised the show, so for most of the time all the contestants were being reminded, Cleveland was yelling "Me, me! Pick me! Oh, oh, pick me!" until he finally stopped jumping up and down and settled for standing next to Meg and Persephone.
Surprisingly, Frank Jr was wrong. Simon (and the other two) had a look at the votes from the people watching, and by just four votes, Frank Jr won. he got 67 votes. I had actually gotten 58, which made him smile.
"This one for you Stewie." Frank Jr said as he sang his song on stage.
Frank Jr
For what is a man, what has he got
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way
Yes, it was my way
Cuts to credits
Seth and Rachel (Singing)
You say laughter and I say lawfter
You say after and I say awfter
Laughter, lawfter, after, awfter
Let's call the whole thing off!
You like Havanna, and I like Havona
You eat banana, and I eat banohna
Havanna, Havona, banana, banohna!
Let's call the whole thing off!
But oh! If we call the whole thing off
Then we must part
And oh! If we ever part
Then that might break my heart!
So, if you like for oysters and I like for ersters
I'll take oysters and give up the ersters
For we know we need each other
So we better call the calling off off!
Let's call the whole thing off!
Chapter ends
I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also Doc X me if you want to help with scenes for next chapter because I need the ideas.
