Writer's Note: Evening all! I apologize for the long gap between chapters - I've been forced to juggle a lot of school and work things and didn't have a great deal of artistic energy during the whole mess. Thank you to all of my regulars who've been so patient and supportive - you're a lovely bunch :)
p.s. Not sure if this comes across in my previous writings, but this foray into more *ahem* risqué territory is rather foreign to me, and I've been struggling to find a way to present this chapter in a suitable fashion.
With that said, I hope you'll find this chapter satisfactory - while still respectful of this couple's more private intimacies.
After crossing the threshold and seating Sam on his bed, Foyle felt his mind racing. His hands began to shake when she gently kissed his cheek, as though their proximity was chilling him. He attempted to look casual as he steadied himself against the nearest bedpost,
but Sam noticed - choosing to say nothing, even as she felt her admiration for him wringing her heart.
Something in his eyes seemed different, though. He didn't quite look fearful, but there was a definite air of concern that worried her. She hoped he wasn't second guessing himself.
'S-... Dearest-' she restarted, 'Are you alright?'
'Yessss... I was just realizing it's been... rather a long time since I last did this,' he said carefully, not meeting her eyes. 'I'm not sure if I have the- ehm... necessary... well, you know.'
Sam felt stupid as he said this, for she didn't know.
It showed in her eyes. Foyle made another attempt. Probably best to be direct, he thought.
'Sam, I promise you that no matter what happens, I will keep you safe,' he said earnestly, holding her gaze so firmly they hardly blinked. 'I don't intend to do this without protection.'
'Ah,' she murmured, feeling her face tingle, as though her circulation had slowed. She was looking slightly pail, he noticed. Perhaps the thought of pregnancy frightened her?
'We've got to be practical,' he said as softly as possible, seating himself and holding her hand as he spoke. 'And if we can't do this safely tonight, I'd feel better if we waited until after I visit the chemist.'
All of a sudden, Sam's expression became unintelligible. Foyle considered himself adept at reading facial expressions, but something about her peculiar combination of dawning realization and subtle triumph was not immediately clear to him.
'I may have something,' she said as she stood and quickly excused herself from the room.
He stood, perplexed, waiting for her to return from her sudden trip downstairs to the front parlor.
Why would she have something? he wondered. Where would she-... Surely she hadn't prepared for such a contingency. If she had, that would suggest a level of assuredness the likes of which he had never noticed in her.
Sam returned shortly afterward, holding a small square envelope with a familiar label.
'Here you are,' she said, somewhat too matter-of-factly as she handed it to him. 'Never thought I'd need to use it, of course, but... well, there it is.'
'Where'd you get this, Sam?' he asked, brow furrowed as he examining the expiry date – still good, though probably on its last legs.
'The MTC. One of our more... lenient commanding officers gave these out when we were assigned our billets. Said we shouldn't mention it to anyone, but shouldn't be, eh... stupid, either.' She sounded carefree, but Foyle noticed her rocking slightly back and forth, as though she were trying to steady her nerves.
The corner of Foyle's mouth was twisting slyly despite himself as he took in her words. He was surprised anyone would provide these to MTC trainees, though he suspected it was hardly standard procedure.
Still, he had to admit, he was thankful for the forethought.
She smiled and her eyes closed, and Foyle felt his breathing stop for a brief moment when he saw her brow twitch slightly – a tell-tale sign of insecurity, he thought.
Possibly embarrassment, too, he added, judging by her hands (losing a bit of color with the tightness of their interlocked position).
He wished he wasn't noticing so many signs, but now he couldn't stop. The somewhat tense shoulders - not helped by her strained neck and spine post-accident, but still -, the small tapping motion in her right foot, her shallow breathing... her nervousness was painfully obvious, and he wanted to reassure her, somehow.
'Come here,' he said quietly, drawing her toward him and seating her once again on the bed. She wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him closely and trying not to strain her neck in the process.
'I'm sorry, sir,' she said, her old vocabulary slipping back.
He pretended not to notice.
'Don't be sorry, Sam,' he said soothingly. His hand rested on the back of her head while his fingers glided through her hair. 'Perfectly normal.'
'I'm not changing my mind,' she said hurriedly. 'I just can't seem to shake this... this...-'
He waited as she tried to put her feelings into words, but she seemed too disappointed with herself to find the right expression.
He paused before offering his assistance.
'Shall I venture an observation?' he asked gently.
She nodded, seemingly relieved.
He spoke slowly, planning each sentence before he uttered it.
'It's normal to be afraid of the pain - and I promise, I will do my best to prevent that. Still, I think there's more to it.'
Her lashes fluttered slightly as she became uneasy. She knew he was seeing right through her.
'Judging from the way you present yourself, I know you set very high personal standards, and consequently I'd imagine those are rather difficult to meet on all counts. Granted you do very well, but in this particular area, you mmmight be suspecting that your... inexperience leaves you at a disadvantage... which may be true, but isn't entirely fair.'
His eyes showed some sadness at this last part. Her cheeks were flushed again, though her eyes told him he was right.
He went on carefully, not sure if he was doing more harm than good.
'And based on your work ethic, I'd imagine you're probably, ehm...' here he had some trouble saying the words. He forced them out after a laborious pause, 'afraid of disappointing me...'
Her eyes now filled with tears. He had been intently focused on her hand, grasped warmly in both of his. But now he looked into her eyes again, and he felt his empathy chilling him inside.
'Is that correct?' he whispered.
Once he'd finished she pulled him into a deep, slow kiss - her head tilting slightly to accommodate for the painful jolt that went surging up her spine.
He held her close, closing his eyes as he felt her take calming breaths against his ear. In that moment, his love for her burned in his chest, and he felt his lungs shrinking against the weight of it.
'You couldn't possibly disappoint me, Sam' he cooed, cradling her neck in his hand gently. He had to remember to make his every movement slow and cautious, for fear of further injuring her.
She felt his attentiveness, and the comfort it conveyed warmed her insides like a fresh cup of coffee.
'You're too good,' she said, slowly starting to regain a sense of control. He kissed her forehead.
'...I think not,' he said, his downturned smile making another appearance, much to her delight. His eyes crinkled in that familiar, beautiful manner that had so captivated her on their first meeting, and she knew, finally, that she was truly comfortable.
'I don't, er... suppose she taught you all how to use these...?' He said, eyeing the square envelope - still in his hand.
She shook her head, meeting his gaze cautiously. He considered for a moment.
'Wull, shall I?' he asked, his eyes shining with mischief as he gave her his signature shy smile.
She returned the favor, chuckling despite her red face.
His smile widened, twisting a bit as he leaned forward. Before attempting to open the small envelope, he gently kissed her again, his hand resting just under her jaw, careful not to move too much, in case she should strain herself.
'This could be a challenge,' he murmured, his eyes glinting at her. 'Don't want you to hurt yourself again.'
She was quiet a moment as he lifted her hands to the buttons on his shirt, and waited patiently for her to undo them. Her hands shook slightly, and he was torn between admiration and sympathy. As she reached the last one he held her hands in his and rested his forehead on her for a moment.
They were silent for a moment. She felt her blood turning warmer, her face flushing and pulse rising. He then lifted one of her hands to his lips, kissing it soundly as he breathed in her smell.
With that she felt stronger, and she became bolder in following through on her curiosity - for she was curious. She'd never seen him without a shirt, without a facade. Without decorum. She wondered if such a version of him could exist, and she was determined to find out.
When she was free to gaze at him she felt a tingle in her stomach. So, he was human after all, she though cheekily. And his sturdy frame suddenly appeared even more impressive than it had felt before, resting against her or holding her closely. His chest was strong, and his arms were as well. He didn't quite look like the shirtless men she'd seen photos of in some of the MTC girls' photo collections - he was somewhat softer looking in a few places - but she found she preferred this man to the made-up airmen of her early imaginings.
His hands moved to rest on her sides, and she knew he was going slowly for her benefit. She looked into his eyes to reassure him that it was alright, and as she saw in his eyes that same affectionate glow she'd noticed earlier that evening, she was overwhelmed with love for him. He really does love me, doesn't he? She thought.
Indeed, in that moment he was making a silent promise - to himself and to her - that he would show her the magnitude of that love. To be vulnerable to her in a way he hadn't been with a woman for many... many years. And, above all else, to be magnanimous in everything he did.
As her blouse, then skirt, vanished, Sam become aware of how large his hands were as they held her hips. She felt so totally safe in them, as though their warmth and gentleness would protect every inch of her they touched.
When he lifted away her shift she became self-conscious again, covering her chest involuntarily with one arm. She couldn't meet his eyes, but in her peripherals she saw his brow furrow and his head cock to the side slightly.
'...Sam' he said softly as he leaned in closer, 'You don't have to hide yourself from me.'
His tone was so warm and reassuring that for a moment she felt silly. But when the ghost of a smile came back to his lips, her tension left her, and he brushed her arm away and kissed her again - a traveling kiss that caressed her shoulders, collarbone, and chest.
'You're so utterly beautiful,' he murmured as his hands curved over and down her sides and rising up her thighs. She felt her heartbeat quicken as he kissed her naval. He was becoming unpredictable.
Then he returned to gaze down from above her, his hand near her shoulder supporting him as he took the small envelope and handed it to her.
'Here,' he murmured flirtatiously. 'Care to learn a new skill?'
Sam had appeared quite shocked when she saw him fully undressed. Her face had gone slightly pink, which he suspected was not uncommon for the uninitiated. However, she also had a look of determination in her eyes, which he'd not been prepared for.
As he guided her hands slightly, she become confident that she could finish the task herself.
'Sh- Erm, be a bit more careful, if you please, Sam?' he asked as calmly as he could.
She suddenly became horrified.
'Have I hurt you? Oh dear, I'm so sorry-'
'No, no, just a bit, uh... Not necessarily unpleasant, but if it had got out of hand... Might cut the evening short a bit.'
She was still puzzled, and he couldn't help but smile.
'Don't worry,' he said simply, bowing to kiss her stomach again, tenderly. 'All in good time.'
He was careful to watch her eyes - determined not to push her to far. She didn't appear to have any difficulties, which added considerably to his peace of mind. However, at one moment she seemed to be in pain, not due to his attentions, but to a twinge in her neck as it turned slightly too far.
She yelped, and he felt his blood run cold for a moment.
'God-' he gasped in surprise. 'Are you hurt, Sam?' He noticed her shoulders twitch slightly as she resettled herself.
'It's nothing,' she said, eager to dispel his concern and release the sudden tension that had arisen.
Sympathy mixed with the passion in his eyes, and he shifted to free one of his hands to cradle her neck at a more comfortable angle. He made a note every so often to make sure she wasn't straining it, supporting it whenever possible and taking the time to sooth her spine with his hands.
She smiled as he did this. Bless him for being observant, she thought.
His attention to detail seemed on full display now, for in his fervor he found himself noticing her every response and adjusting accordingly. She, in turn, reciprocated by every means available to her, and wondered how any of this could possibly be real.
As he wrapped his arms around her tenderly, she met his eyes and took a deep breath.
'Alright, love?' he asked.
She nodded quietly, her eyes closed.
'Yes. I'm fine' she said, barely breathing.
'Sure?' he asked, aware of a change of energy taking her over.
'Certain' she smiled.
He was relieved.
Still, he was cautious and gentle, taking a few moments to stop and kiss her deeply. She heard him breathing steadily as he paused again, and she knew he was attempting to maintain some semblance of control.
'It's alright, dearest, I promise' she said, brushing his hair back with her hand, trying to be reassuring.
Before he could speak she pulled his head closer, kissing his brow and holding him close. She had persuaded him - though, in his present state of mind such persuasion was becoming less necessary.
As things progressed, she saw him become more vulnerable than she'd ever seen - his eyes expressing the true depths of his feelings as his brows creased and his hands gripped her tighter and pulled her closer. She had never heard his voice as she heard it now. Were she not in the same state herself, she perhaps might have thought him in agony or desperation. Her touch mirrored his, her arms wrapped around his shoulders as she sought to touch the curls on the nape of his neck.
Seeing her, become uninhibited for the first time, he was stunned at the notion that he had ever turned her head, that someone so lovely and passionate had fallen for someone so stuffy and grim (as he put it). She was brimming with happiness, and her joy was evident in her eyes and in her every sound and expression. It was almost unbearably fortuitous.
But it was certain, as things gradually came to a joyful, breathless conclusion, that fortune had indeed brought them together. In fact it seemed nothing short of providential.
After inquiring (for what felt like the hundredth time) if she was alright, Foyle accepted her assurance - which now came in the form of a squeeze around the middle and a sardonic eyebrow.
'Are you?' she asked tentatively.
'You were left to doubt it?' he teased, raising his eyebrows and fixing her with a mock look of surprise.
She laughed and rested against his shoulder.
'No, but... well, you know what I mean, don't you?'
He kissed her hand, as he had before, and gazed at it for a minute before looking into her eyes.
'You're perfect, Sam. In every way,' he said, gently.
She processed this before settling in once more against his side.
'Was it, eh... What you imagined?' he ventured cautiously.
'I think it was rather better,' she said, taking her own opportunity to nudge him. He checked her expression before pretending to narrow his eyes.
'Let's hope so' he returned, much to her amusement. 'You've had your ruddy way with me!'
They then rested in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the sound of the ocean - distant yet certainly distinguishable - through the open window. The cool breeze drifted in, wafting the curtains slowly, spectrally.
'It's so lovely not having to sleep alone,' she said before catching herself. Admitting this made her feel strangely unsettled - as if she'd given away some insecurity she'd hoped would die quietly within her. Lord, I hope that didn't sound desperate, she thought.
He simply smiled at her, with both eyes and lips, and brushed her hair behind her ear.
'Certainly is,' he agreed.
Yes, they both realized in that moment - everything was finally perfect. It was with this final revelation that the evening came to a close, and the two of them strolled, arm-in-arm, into blissful sleep.
