Chapter 49: Family Guy Viewer Mail 1
We join Frank with his son, Frank Jr, his Brother in-law, Stewie, His Bros John and Tyler, his dog, Brian in tuxes, sit in director's chairs backstage, next to a sack of mail.
"Hi, I'm Frank George Mallque." Frank said his name.
"And I'm His Son, Frank George Mallque Junior." Frank Jr said as he introduces himself.
"And I'm Brian Griffin." Brian said his name.
"And I'm Stewart Gilligan Griffin." Stewie said as he introduces himself.
"And Finally we're Johnathan watts and Tyler Biteo." John said as he introduces himself while Tyler wave his hand to the audience.
"Many of you have written to the show with suggestions for episodes you'd like to see." Brian said as he explains about the fans suggestions for episodes for the show.
"They're mostly God-awful." Stewie said as he makes the signal to Frank Jr.
As Frank Jr presses button on box, producing very fake laughter
"Well, tonight we took your advice and produced three of Main cast's favorite suggestions while the author and I decide to make parodies of my name is earl, Mind of Mencia and Key & Peele." Frank said as he explains that some of the six shorts will have some stuff from his favorite shows.
"Favorites? Oh, that's charitable." Stewie said as he makes the signal to Frank Jr.
As Frank Jr again produces canned laughter while John and Tyler roll their eyes.
"What is that?" Frank asking on what he has and why is he using it here.
"I got this from 'Dharma and Greg'." Stewie said as he got this laugh box from them.
"I'm surprised there's anything left in it." John and Tyler saying a bit.
"Whoa!" All BOTH shouted a surprised tone.
"Enjoy." Brian said as they introduce the show, consisting of Six short stories in response to requests they have received from viewers.
Brian and Stewie
Aww here it goes
As Frank Jr wave his hand on the screen while they zoom at brain and Stewie drive inside Universal studios in a mustang. Then its show Frank Jr raping what's happing.
Frank Jr
Everybody out there go run and tell
Your homeboys and home girls it's time for Brian and Stewie
They keep you laughing in the afternoon
So, don't touch that dial or leave the room
'Coz they're always into something
It's fun and you don't wanna miss it
It's double BS, like 2 the good radius
Brian and Stewie or should I say Stewie and Brian
But you gotta watch Brian 'coz
Brian be scheming
With a plan or a plot
To make it to the top
But they kinda in the middle
'Coz they're always gettin' caught
This ain't the Hardy Boys or a Nancy Drew mystery
It's just Brian and Stewie in your vicinity
Like Seigfried and Roy, Abbott and Costello
Magic and Kareem, or Penn and Teller
Somebody's in trouble
Aww here goes
As they jump on the family couch as they begin to watch their show.
Brian, Stewie, and Frank Jr.
On Fox, Fo, Fox, Fox, Fo, Fox, Fox, Fox
No Bones About It
Written by Gene Laufenberg, Directed by Pete Michels, Re- Written and Re-Directed by Frank Mallque.
Now we join the family watching The Newlywed Game.
"And now back to The Newlywed Game." Announcer said as we see the games contestants.
"Carol, how did Nick answer the following: the last thing I would ever give my wife is 'blank'?" Host asked carol to guest Nick last word of his write work.
"A little spending money?" Carol the Wife said it sarcastically until she heard a buzzer sound as she answers it wrong.
"I'm sorry, that's incorrect. Nick actually said "the antidote." Host said as Nick reveal the word "the antidote."
"Nick, what are you talking about?" Carol asked him until she mysterious dying on the show.
Oh, Meg, you were right. Lois said as she was proud of her get the answer first.
As Frank Jr opens his Grandpa's beer bottle, producing a cloud of smoke, which reveals a genie.
Oh, my God! A genie! Peter said in shocked.
"I am here to grant you three wishes to the one who release me." Genie said as he offers him three wishes to Frank Jr since he released the Genie.
"Peter, three wishes! Oh, this is so exciting!" Lois said in excitement.
"I want a new hat!" Meg said her wish.
"I want a new clothes!" Persephone said her wish.
"I want a new hat! Chris said his wish.
"I want a new gaming system!" John said his wish.
"I want some new books!" Tyler said his wish.
"I want them to have new hats!" Stewie said his wish.
"Kids, these are Frank Jr's wishes. Go ahead, buddy. Get whatever you want." Frank said as he tells his son that these wish are his and he start now.
That's easy. I wish I could see what Kelly Ripa was like off the set. Frank Jr said as His first wish is to see what Kelly Ripa is like off-camera
"So it shall be." Genie said as he claps his hand to open a viewing window to see Kelly Ripa walking toward her dress room.
"Great show today, Kelly." Regis Philbin said his thank to her.
"Thanks, Reg. You, too." Kelly Ripa said as Kelly enters dressing room. A man is gagged and bound to a chair. Kelly reaches into his chest and rips his heart out, then pulls off her face, revealing a tentacled monster.
"Kelly, Gellman needs us on stage for a couple of re-shoots." Regis Philbin said off-screen.
"Be right there, Reg. I just have to put on my face." Kelly Ripa said as the viewing screen vanished as the first wish was granted.
"My goodness! Did you see the size of that dressing room?" Lois said as she comments Kelly's dress room.
"Yes. They must really want to keep her." Stewie said as both John and Tyler looks shocked on everyone not noticing that Kelly Ripa is a tentacled monster.
"Really!" John said as he questions everyone until Persephone pats his hand to calm him down.
"Your second wish?" Genie asked Frank Jr about his second wish while ignore the two.
"Okay then!" Tyler said as he takes his seat while pouting about them be ignored again.
"I got just the thing." Peter said as he whispers to Frank Jr on what he should wish for and Frank Jr just smiled.
"I wish me and Grandpa had our own theme music and I can pass it back to anyone for used then asking back." Frank Jr said as his second wish is for his and Grandpa's own theme music.
"Done!" Genie said as he claps his hand.
"I don't hear anything." Peter said as he and Frank Jr both notices that nothing is happening.
"Get up. Try it out." Genie said as he tells them to move and they made their frirst step and head a Harp trill, then second step and they heard a Piano chord, then next step they heard a Piano chord, then Cheerful instrumental music playing as which plays everywhere they go.
"Sweet." Frank Jr said as he enjoying his wish.
As is morning, a Harp trill played while they rise out of the bed, then Orchestra crescendo playing as they start the day with opening the curtains to see the birds outside. Then Cheerful instrumental music playing as they both walk toward town with people question as to how is this happening.
Then Frank Jr and Peter sees a bum as Sentimental instrumental music playing.
Then we see both Frank Jr, Peter, John and Tyler dance happy from buying clothes as Cheerful instrumental music is playing.
Then Meg comes to bed in sexy lingerie as Sexy instrumental music playing since Frank has the power of the theme music from Frank Jr.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Frank said as they enter the cover to make love.
As Cheerful instrumental music playing in the background, now we join Frank Jr, Meg and Peter enjoy their ride on a bus with classic traveling music.
"Hey, buddy, want to turn that stuff down?" The angry bus passenger said as he gets piss of by the music.
"Come on, pal. That's classic traveling music. Try to enjoy it." Meg said as Peter starts sing with theme music.
Peter
Riding on a bus! Riding on a bus! Sitting next to bums! There's an open seat! Hope that isn't pee!
"Yeah! I'm sick of hearing it!" The angry bus passenger said as he grows irritated with Frank Jr and Peter's music.
"Look, I'm sorry, buddy. I can't turn it off." Frank Jr said as he tries to calm him down.
"Well, then I'm gonna break every bone in your mom's body." The angry bus passenger said as he threatens to break every bone in Meg's body.
"I wish my mom had no bones!" Frank Jr said as he quickly wishes that his mom was boneless.
"Done." Genie said as he claps his hand as Meg dissolves into a boneless blob, which causes the man to miss hitting Meg and fall out the bus window, but leaves Meg with a grotesque appearance.
"That ought to show you!" Peter shouted out the broken window to proclaim their victory.
But the Passengers screaming as they react with revulsion and horror towards her. Then they ran out the bus while leaving Frank Jr, Peter and meg alone in the bus.
"Oh, no. I got to fart. But I don't know which way to lean." Meg said as she need to fart but doesn't know where to lean, which makes both Frank Jr and Peter move an inch to the left.
Now back at the Mallque/Griffin house with meg laying on the table as The Family finds her odd.
"I know you might be a little concerned about me not having bones and all. But I got to tell you, it's not that bad." Meg said as she feels fine by Frank Jr's wish.
"Meg's just like Silly Putty. Look what I can do to Mary Worth's smug sense of self-satisfaction." Chris said as he uses Meg's blubber to copy and stretch an image in the same manner as Silly Putty from the advice-giving comic strip character Mary Worth
"That's right, son. Take her down a peg." Peter said as he likes it while John and Tyler just nod their heads by that response.
"Well, I guess we could all adjust to this." Lois said as she tries to get used to this situation.
"Look, I'm making an angel! Stewie said as he makes snow angels on meg's body.
"Aw no way! This is so cool!' Maddie said as she does snow angles too.
"It's like we're rolling around in pre-prepared meatballs!" Rosie said as she does snow angles as well.
"See Meg, everything's going to be fine..." Peter said as he cheers her up.
"Now smile while I write my name in you." Stewie said as he takes out his diaper.
"Found my marking territory!" Maddie said as she takes out her diaper.
"Oh god..." Meg said as she watches the babies about to pee on her until Frank Jr kick them out.
"Nobody pees on my mom, NOBODY!" Frank Jr shouted as he does kung Fu moves.
Now we join the Mallque/griffin family at the mall escalator until Meg gets sucked in at the bottom.
"Let go!" Meg shouted as she appears on top.
Now we join Meg, Frank and their son, Frank Jr riding the teacups at Disneyland as she laughing for the fun they are having.
Until Meg is thrown free, and into a locker room. Michael Eisner picks up Meg, and uses him as a towel While Meg screaming. Then Michael Eisner enters the Sana.
Now back to the house where everyone was near the bathroom door.
"But, Mom, I've got to use the bathroom now!" Persephone shouted at her in front of the bathroom door.
"I'm sorry, but your sister gets incredibly filthy rolling around everywhere." Lois said as from outside while Meg is in the bathtub.
"He just has to take his 12 baths a day." Lois said as she explains to the family while they get annoyed at Meg's twelve baths a day because her boneless self gets dirty easily.
"Me and Tyler don't like Meg anymore! We were invited some friends over to jump on her like a trampoline but her roll of fat sucked up Ryan's shoe!" Tyler explain his part of the story until he passes it to Chris.
"And his mom yelled at him when he got home! And he beat us up at school the next day until John beat the shit out of him! It's all here in this pamphlet." Chris said as he and Tyler pass out pamphlet about their day.
"Kids, we just have to learn to accept this. Like one of those stories on Dateline where a family member suffers a horrible accident and becomes a burden on everybody. Sure they pretend to be happy, but they're dead inside. They're dead. And that'll be our lives. Hmmm?" Lois said as she explains
What a big, boneless jerk I am! I might have screwed up my life but there's no reason I got to keep screwing up theirs. Good-bye, cruel, bone-filled world! Meg said as she decides it is best that she leaves his family.
As Meg releases the tub stopper, and is sucked down the drain.
While Dramatic instrumental music playing as Meg yelling threw the pipes until she reaches her stop.
"Oh, so this is where all the waste and sewage winds up." Meg said as she was pull back to reveal that she was below the 'HOLLYWOOD' sign.
Now we join men fighting on top of building; one falls off, only to land on Meg. Where She gets a job as a human cushion for stuntmen.
Cut and print. That's a wrap. Great job, Meg. Coming to the wrap party tonight? Director asked her about going to the wrap party.
"Gee, I don't know. I got a standup comedy class I'm taking at The Learning Annex. Actually, I won't be a standup comic, I'll be more like an amorphous-blob comic. I gotta write that one down!" Meg said as she tries to write down her bit when she became a standup comic.
"Nonsense! I'll have the studio send a flatbed for you! See you at 8:00!" Director said as he leaves.
While Meg looks at a picture of his family and sighs as Soft piano music playing in the background.
Now we join at the wrap party with Meg talking with Catharine Zeta-Jones on the couch.
"Meg, there's something I've been wanting to say to you all evening." Catharine Zeta-Jones asking her something important.
"What's that, Mrs. Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas?" Meg asked her on what she want.
"I want to jump your non-bones." Catharine Zeta-Jones said as the Hollywood starlet is impressed with Meg's ability and offers to date her.
"Jeez! I can't believe I'm your type." Meg said in shocked that she asked her out.
"Well, as you can tell from my husband, I've got a thing for saggy, shapeless men." Catharine Zeta-Jones said as she appears at a party trying to seduce her while using her husband as a reason.
As we see Michael Douglas at a Hollywood party. He talking to some random women.
"I'm married to Catherine Zeta-Jones. Will you sleep with me?" Michael Douglas said as He asks women if they'd have sex with them.
"Yeah, I'm gonna have to pass. But Louie Anderson's eating the decorative soaps in the bathroom. Why don't you try him?" Meg said as she misses his family while Catharine Zeta-Jones goes to Louie in the restroom.
That When a doctor appeared right next to her.
"Excuse me. Aren't you Meg, the human stunt bag?" Doctor asked her if she is meg Griffin.
"That all depends on who's asking." Meg asked who he is and why asking about her.
"I'm a doctor, conducting an experimental procedure to give bones to a jellyfish. I'd like to try it on a human first. Interested?" Doctor and offers of an experimental surgery to restore her skeleton
"I don't know." Meg said if she is willing takes this chance.
"Interested?" Doctor asked her again.
"Did you just say that?" Meg asked him if he is repetitive.
"Yes." Doctor said his answer.
"I'll do it!" Meg said as she takes the chance.
Now we join her at the hospital, as the operation is successful, but she is horribly misshapen.
"Well, Meg, the operation was a complete success! What are you going to do now?" Doctor asking her on what she is going to do now with her new bones in her body.
"The whole reason I had the operation was so I could go back to my family. But it's been so long. What if they don't love me anymore?" Meg said as she wants to be with her family but doesn't feel that they don't want her anymore.
"Meg, where do you think all those bones came from?" Doctor asked her on where her new bones came from.
"Surprise!" Frank shouted offscreen.
Then scene Cut to the Mallque and the Griffins, all of whom are misshapen except John and Tyler since they are immortal.
"My God! You mean, it's your bones that are inside me?" Meg said as she learns that his family donated bones to transplant into his body, which misshaped them as well
Well, mostly. We picked up a clone from russia to fill in the torso. Stewie said
Well, like I always say, a family of freaks is better than no family at all! Persephone said
"And Don't worry, we ourselves fix when we go asked the other Griffin Family from my and dads adventure." Frank Jr said as he thinks of asking the Meg's family Universe Stewie to fix their bone problem, but that's another story.
"Let's go home, Meg." Frank said as they all painfully amble away together.
"You know what's really weird?" This was covered by my HMO. Peter said as he mentioning that the operation was covered by his HMO.
End Short 1
Team Fusion Heart Vs the Super Griffins
Written by Seth MacFarlane, Directed by Scott Wood, Re- Written and Re-Directed by Frank Mallque.
As Dramatic instrumental music playing the background.
Now we join ourselves watching a truck marked 'Toxic Waste' drives down the streets of Quahog.
"Hey, Terry, you dare me to pop a wheelie in this thing?" Trucker 1 asking his fellow trucker about him pop a wheelie on the trunk.
"That doesn't sound safe at all, but, okay, I dare you." Trucker 2 said as he wants him to do it.
The truck pops a wheelie; tanker comes off the back
"Wow! That was great!" Trucker 2 said as they leave while Suspenseful instrumental music playing the background as loose tanker lands in the Griffin's front yard.
Now we join Frank Jr, Tyler, Peter and Brian Griffin are watching Sesame Street.
"Six! Six bats! Seven! Seven bats!" The Count said as he counts the number of bats in his castle.
"Hey, is the Count a vampire?" Peter asking brain if the count is a true vampire.
"What's that?" Brian said in response on Peter's question.
"Well, he's got those big fangs. Have they ever shown him doing somebody in and then feeding on him?" Peter asks whether The Count has ever killed someone for their blood, as vampires stereotypically do.
"You're asking if they've ever done a Sesame Street in which the Count kills somebody and then sucks their blood for sustenance." Tyler said as he repeats what Peter is asking.
"Yeah." Peter said his response while Frank Jr wait for the answer.
"No, they've never done that." Brian said as he and Tyler accurately points out that no such episode has aired. Until Lois rush in to the living room in shocked from what's outside.
"Everybody come quick! There's something in the yard!" Lois said as she and the family run outside to see the back of a tanker trunk.
"It looks like the back of a tanker truck." Meg said as she notices what thing that land on their yard.
"Wow! What do you think's inside?" Peter asking what's inside of the tanker trunk.
"Maybe it's candy!" Chris said as he rushed to the trunk while Frank Jr followed him.
Chris, no! Lois said as she tries to stop him until Peter stops her.
"Lois, Lois, let him dream." Peter said as Maddie and Rosie walk in.
"Hey Girls, a tanker trunk landed in out front yard huh!" Frank Jr said as he explains what happed today.
"You know we notice a trunk missing its tanker while walking toward your house." Rosie said as Frank Jr question it on what the hell were they think.
As Chris pulls loose plug from the tanker, splashing the family with waste
What is this stuff? Persephone said as she questions on this waste that's covering her family.
It's some kind of nuclear waste. Brian said as he answers Persephone question.
"Ugh! Gross!" exclaimed Frank Jr as he wiped off the toxic waste, "I'm covered in stickier stuff than Grandma.
"Tell me, does anyone else feel a trifle queasy?" Stewie said as he feels weird from the waste.
That when Stewie's head swells up, as the family screams in horror.
"What? Do I have a boogie? I say, it appears my cranium has doubled in size!" Stewie said as he moves a nearby tree with his mind.
How delightful! This toxic stew seems to have given me telekinetic abilities. Stewie said as he moves the tree into Frank Jr behind.
"Aaaaaaah!" Frank Jr screamed until he farts a Power Poots the tree into ashes.
Hey, I can make fire from my butt! Frank Jr said as he looks at his new attack. Then he notices Chris made fire to another tree.
"Hey, I can make fire too!" Chris looks in awe of his new powers.
"Chris, come here a second. This is gonna be hilarious. Okay, on the count of three. One, two, three." Peter said as he asked chris to do something with his fire powers.
As Peter farts, and Chris lights it. Everyone was laughing form that.
"Do it again!" Stewie said as Peter farts, and Chris lights it while Frank Jr did his power Poots to compere it.
As they didn't notice that the Murdock/Kennedy twins were also drenched in a wave of toxic sludge.
Later, the Mallques and the twins were sitting at the kitchen table with the rest of the Griffin family.
"You guys were drenched in toxic waste?!" asked Lois.
"Relax, mom," Meg said as she calms her mom down.
"We're still fine. See?" Rosie said as her hand sparks magic energy.
"Choo!" sneezed Maddie as flames came from her nose and set the curtains on fire.
"Maddie, next time you and your sister wanna come over please wait until the toxic waste is dump somewhere no one cares about," said Peter, "Like the woods or the old folks' home!"
"All right, everyone. Clearly, something very strange has happened here. We each seem to have acquired superpowers from that nuclear waste. We've been given a gift. And whether that gift is Chris fire conjuring, Stewie's telekinesis, Tyler and Brian's super-speed..." Lois said as she explains about their powers until Brain interrupts her.
"Ask how the Queen of England is." Brian asking her a question.
"How's the Queen... Lois asked them until Both Brian and Tyler zips out, then they reappear wearing Beefeater's hats.
"She's great." Tyler said as he and Lois look around the table.
"Frank Jr and Peter's morphing ability..." Lois said as she sees her grandson change into something with his grandpa.
"Hey, Lois, we're wishing troll." Peter said while they change into troll's toys as they laugh in their fun time.
"...my super strength, John's Video game powers from Super Smash Bros or Persephone's super-amazing ability to grow her fingernails... like wolverine?" Lois said as lift the refrigerator, then she is nerves that one of her daughter have powered from the craziest X-men.
As Persephone Sighs when she made her nail long like the wolverine's claws.
"Well, that toxic waste must've mutated us as well," said Frank, "We've each been given superpower of some sort. I can manipulate the elements and have anime ninja moves."
As Frank shoots a lightning bolt across the room then disappear threw smoke bomb and reappear with Pizza.
"I can control and create fire, and Transform" said Maddie as she made her hair turn into flames and then turn into a phoenix.
"I would start a magic fire with my thoughts!" Rosie said as she makes fire with magic.
"Meg also has the AMAZING powers of long fingernails," Peter laughed her daughter as he thinks she has lame powers like twin sister.
"Oh, screw you!" Meg said irritated as her arm grew longer and swung at Peter, but she missed him.
"Hey, Mom has elasticity!" Frank Jr shouted in amazement.
"I thought you always had that. Your stomach always looked stretched out," Peter said before he ducking another swing, "Kidding! I was kidding!"
"And I have the power of Shape-Shifting like grandpa, Super Strength like Grandma, Hurricane Hands, Power Poots and Teleportation!" said Frank Jr as he turned into Robin from DC COMICS, smash the table and then teleport a new table.
"...damn it" John said as he is jealous while he has his hammer form power up.
"Yeah, I know," said Frank Jr said as he changed back.
"...we have a responsibility to use these powers properly and not to abuse them for personal gain. Understand?" Lois said as she asked them to used their powers wisely.
"Yes." Brian said as he rushes back with food from Hollywood.
"Yep." Chris said as he warms up his food with his powers.
"Yes." Meg said her response while reaching her hat with her powers.
"Yeah." Persephone said as she dreams of cutting Connie legs with her powers.
"Okay." Frank said while he makes the rasengan, a move from his Mother side of The family
"mmhm." Maddie said as she thinks revenge ideas in her head.
"oaky doki." Rosie said as she dreams herself as a cute witch.
"Yo." John said as he turned into flame mode power up
All righty then. Tyler said as he tries to tap into the speed force.
Then Frank Jr has transformed himself into Gandalf and Peter transformed himself into a sandwich.
"Got it." Peter said as Frank Jr stomps his staff into the ground like in the movie.
When the Griffin Family Minus Meg and Boys left the kitchen, they began their discussion with The Mallques.
"So now what?" asked Meg, "We've become a family of superhumans."
"Depending on how we used these powers they could either be a gift or a curse." Frank said as he questions on how they used their powers since he experiences this events before.
"Because you two have kids, I think it's best that we all show them good moral guidance by using these powers responsibly." John said as he want to used his powers for good.
"That means no flash frying anybody at school," Rosie said warningly to Maddie.
"Can I char broil them?" Maddie asked.
"No." Rosie said.
"How about roasting Stewie?" Maddie asked.
"NO!" Rosie said.
"How about a 3rd degree burn? It'll barely hurt him!" Maddie said.
"No fiery torment!" Rosie said.
"An Indian burn? Please don't make me beg." Maddie begged.
"Don't make me give you a timeout in the freezer," Rosie warned.
A few days later, the twin join the Mallques family is doing grocery shopping at the local super market.
"Isn't this nice?" asked Meg to her family, "A normal family taking a normal trip to the supermarket. Yup, perfectly normal."
At that moment, a cereal box hits Meg. The family turns to see that a little kid with his mother threw it and now he's trying to look all innocent.
"Ma'am, your son just threw a cereal box at me!" said Meg to the boy's mother.
"Mommy, why is that man talking to me?" asked the boy.
"Billy, that's rude," said the mother, "That's not a man. That's just a hideously ugly teenage girl."
"Can I burn them to a crisp?" asked Maddie quietly.
"Or electrify their brains?" Frank asked.
"Or make them slip on mud?" Frank Jr asked.
"No, we have to use our powers responsibly," Meg said.
She then stretched out her leg causing the woman to trip and fall as the basket with her son in it hits a wall full of cereal that falls on it. The family just looks at her.
"What? It was MY responsibility." Meg said.
At that moment, a bunch of armed robbers entered the store pointing a gun to a female cashier.
"Alright, lady!" the robber said threateningly, "Give us all the cash in a bag and no one gets hurt!"
"P-paper or plastic?" the cashier asked shakily in fear.
"Don't play comedian with me!" the robber said angrily, "Put it all in a plastic bag or-"
"No, Rob!" one of the other robbers said, "The money has sharp corners and it's heavy too. It'll tear up the bag!"
"Shut up!" the second robber said "Rob", "I'm the one doing the robbery."
"Rob, I want some candy!" a different robber whined, "I'm gonna grab some candy because I really want the candy and if you don't let me get candy I'll hate you forever!"
"Johnny, shut up!" Rob said, "We're not here for candy, stupid! We came for money!"
"But I don't want money! I want candy!" Johnny whined like a big baby as he began to make incomprensable high pitched whining noises while jumping up and down.
"Fine, get one!" Rob said as he rolled his eyes.
"Yeah... candy... yeah..." Johnny said as he stuffed his pockets with candy bars.
As Rob grabs the money and attempts to flee, the bag tears up and the money falls all over the floor.
"See? I told you so!" the other robber said.
The family catches sight of the armed robbery in progress.
"Finally! The perfect opportunity to put our powers to good use!" Frank said.
"You mean Stewie are here?" Maddie asked as she and Rosie frantically looked around.
"No, there's an armed robbery taking place!" Frank said as he looks around the store.
"We have superpower powers, so naturally we're going to spring into action." Frank said
"Can we do it with a battlecry?" Maddie asked.
"I don't see why not," Frank said.
"Alright let's do this! LEROOOOY JENKINS!" Maddie shouted as she and the Mallque family ran in front of the burglars.
"Wait a minute, who's Leroy Jenkins?" Frank Jr asked.
"No freakin' clue," Maddie said.
"Who the hell are you people?" Rob the robber asked.
"We're Team Fusion Heart and we're here to take out the trash!" Frank said heroically.
"Who do you people think you are? A bunch of superheroes?" Rob asked.
"That's right, thieves," Frank Jr said as he turned into his Ninja form, "Now, do your worst."
One of the robbers grabbed a sponge and throws it at Frank Jr which he mutate and he throws it back to absorbs Rob.
"Weak, dude..." Rob muttered from within the sponge, "Didn't even have the decensy to use a name brand sponge, either."
Johnny, the whiny robber tries to get into a fist fight with Meg but she uses her rubbery body to her advantage, avoiding every punch by stretching.
"Stop it! You're not supposed to dodge!" Johnny moaned, "You're cheating!"
"Hey! Being whiney is MY thing!" Meg said angrily as she grew her fist and punched him unconscious.
Maddie is taking the fight with the nameless burglar. He then reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a gun.
"It's time to pack some heat," the burglar said.
"Good idea," Maddie said as her hair turned into flames. She then tosses a fireball that melts the gun.
"Didn't see that one coming," the robber said as he tried to run away, only to get scorched by John in his fire flower power up, then tide up by Tyler's super speed.
Frank and Rob begin to circle each other. Rob is getting into a fighting stance while Frank is just calmly walking.
"Looks like it's just you and me," Rob said, "Man to Man. Mano a Mano. You're no match for me. I was a champion black belt while you're just a silly long haired man. You don't stand a-"
Frank just touches Rob on the chest and sends over 1000 volts of electricity through his body. Then He used the win to push Rob flies across the room and lands on the unconscious bodies of his companions.
"Grab the buns cause I'm frying up burglars!" John said as he laughed
"Get it? Burglars? Burgers? Burglars rhyme with burgers?" Tyler explained the Joke and the customers just stare at him.
"...Oh, screw you people!" they said as they left the store.
As the Mallque Family leave in a huff while Lois was done shopping with stewie. They now at the check in station.
"Oh, no. I forgot the detergent. Excuse me, would you watch him for a moment?" Lois said as she leaves her son with the clerk.
"Sure thing, ma'am." Clerk said as Lois refuses to buy Stewie a candy bar, he steals it.
"Whoa there, little guy. You got to pay for that." Clerk asking the baby for money.
"Go suck a railroad spike. I haven't got any money." Stewie said as he refused to pay for the candy bar,
"Well, then I am afraid I am gonna have to take it away from you." Clerk said as he tries to take the bar until Stewie attacks the cashier at a supermarket using his power.
"Awaawaaw, Oh, God! Please help me!" Clerk Screaming in pain from the abuses.
Later, Lois is caught in traffic with stewie.
"Move it, you slowpoke! The light's green!" Lois said as she Honking the horn
"What does that cloud look like to you, honey? To me it looks like rain! Ha! I used that joke at work. I'm the funniest guy at the office. They say I should do standup." Man said as he is so full of himself for being funny for his jokes.
"This is insane!" Lois said as she decides to lift the car across traffic, crushing various cars as well as injuring the people in them.
Now we join Peter and Persephone as she tries her nail powers until she spots an*NSYNC poster on the wall.
"Oh, my God, Dad! *NSYNC is in town. If you can get me a lock of Justin's hair, I'll never ask you for shopping money again. Please?" Persephone said as she begs Peter to get a piece of Justin Timberlake's hair when he and his group comes to Quahog. while promising to not ask shopping money again.
"We promised Lois we'd use our powers responsibly. But I suppose doing the exact opposite couldn't hurt." Peter said as he caves in to his daughter's command.
Meanwhile at the providence performing arts center, *NSYNC was in their dressing room.
"Do you want to split a Toblerone?" Lance Bass asking *NSYNC's lead singer JC Chasez, if he wants to split a toblerone with him.
"Oh, gosh. Yeah. I think I do." JC Chasez said as he caves in by eating said Toblerone.
"Woo woo, Next stop, my thighs!" JC Chasez said as he whistles like a train while giving up his diete.
All right, Persephone, wait here. I'll be right back. Peter said as He turns into Britney Spears
Hi there. Britney Spears. You mind if I go in? Peter said to the security guard while in his Britney Spears form.
Not at all, Miss Spears. Security Guard said as he lets him in while Peter comments, "Call me Peter." As he enter to meet*NSYNC.
"Hey there, fellas." Peter said as *NSYNC thinks he is Britney Spears.
"Britney? What are you doing here?" Justin Timberlake asking peter who he thinks Britney is doing here.
'Oh, you know, I was just in the Neighborhood-I'm gonna steal one of your beers-and figured I'd stop by and say hi. You mind if I have a seat?" Peter said as he gets one their beers, then sits down like a dude while showing Britney's awesome sexy body.
"I am out of shape. Say, Justin, I got a favor to ask you." Peter said as he complains about Britney's weight while asking Justin something.
"What is it?" Justin Timberlake said as he answer Peter's question.
"I got a hole in my muffler and I need something to plug it with, Can I have some of your hair?" Peter asked Justin for a lock of his hair.
"Um, I guess so." Justin Timberlake said as he give an okay to cut his hair.
"Great. Thanks. All right, hold still now." Peter said as he takes too much of his hair then Justin scream for his hair.
"You'll be fine. Hey, come here. Give me a kiss." Peter said as he kiss Justin while being Britney until he transforms into Gene Shalit.
"I'm Gene Shalit now! Bye!" Peter said as he leaves the room.
Now we join ourselves in a bar as a bartender gives a martini to a hot chick.
"Here's your martini, ma'am." Bartender said as until the martini glass becomes empty.
"Thanks. Hey, it's gone!" Woman said as she notice her drink was empty.
"Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am. Here's another one." Bartender said as he makes another one until the martini glass becomes empty.
"What the hell is going on here?" Woman said, as it was Brian uses his speed to steal Martini's from an attractive woman at a bar.
"Hi. Can I get some pretzels or something? I got to drive. Did you bring enough breasts for the rest of the class? Ha-ha-ha!" Brian said as when he stops using his speed, he is extremely intoxicated and collapses.
Now we join Chris talking to a classmate in James wood Junior high school.
"Hey, Hector, how long have we known each other?" Chris asking him how long they known each other.
"Since first grade." Hector said.
"Yeah, yeah. You remember that time you called me "Chris Gristle"?" Chris asking him as he is angry at a boy who called him Chris Grissle
"I think so." Hector said, as he does not like the tone that Chris is going with.
"Well, burn for it!" Chris said as he sets him on fire because of it
As Hector Screaming in pain while the fire then spreads to burn down the high school.
Cutaway to TV
"In local news a local Quahog family thwarted an armed robbery at a grocery store using super powers," said Tom.
"Eyewitnesses claimed that the family consisted of a man with spikey Black looking hair, a girl with glasses and brown hair, a boy in blue sailor suit, a red head bay girl and a blonde baby girl," said Diane, "Here's an artist's rendering."
We cut to a group picture of Goku, Chi-Chi, and Gohan from Dbz, Little Audrey fromHarvey Street Kids and Maggie from The Simpsons.
"And Next to them, it's a bird, it's a plane, it's a lower-middle-class Irish family." Tom Tucker said about the family with powers.
"That's right, Tom. This is one of many public disturbances caused by the Griffin family of Quahog who seem to have acquired superpowers." Diane Simmons said as it show picture wit he griffins doing bad stuff.
"Very strange story, Diane. Coming up next, can bees think? A new study confirms that, no, they cannot." Tom Tucker said something stupid.
End Cutaway
"Congratulations, you guys are celebrities," John said, "All it took was putting yourselves and your children in danger against armed robbers."
"Hey, I kicked those guys' butts!" Maddie said.
"Me too!" Rosie said triumphantly.
"From what I heard, you were stuck in a kitchen for over 3 hours," Stewie said.
"No! I, uh, did that on purpose!" Rosie said trying to save face, "It was all part of my master plan to, uh... lure the robbers into a false sense of security so that I could give them the, er, final blow! Yeah!"
"...You couldn't even get out, could you?" Stewie asked.
"Shut up!" Rosie said as she threw sprinkles of water at Stewie.
"What was that?" Stewie laughed, "Was that even a sprinkle? You barely got me wet!"
"Stop making fun of me!" Rosie shouted.
"That fight with those robbers got me thinking, there's crime all over Quahog that goes on without the police doing justice about it; rape, murder, people wearing socks with sandals..." " Frank said as he explains about crime in this city.
"So what are you saying, dad?" Frank Jr asked.
"I'm suggesting that we do something that only Peter would suggest at a time like this," Frank said.
"You guys are going to use your powers to create the world's largest donut hole?" John asked as he points at Peter looking at them hopefully.
"...Okay, forget what You just said," Tyler said as Frank agreed as Peter's ideas are crazy.
"We're going to be a family superhero team!" Frank said in a victory pose.
"Oh my gosh! No way!" Maddie shout with her sister in joy.
"We'll be famous. We'll be both respected AND feared!" said Meg in excitement.
"We'll be just like the Fantastic Four, only our team name will sound much less gay," Frank Jr said.
"So what are you going to call yourselves?" John asked dryly, "The violent vigilantes?"
"Why are you getting so bent out of shape?" Frank Jr asked.
"Because what you're thinking about doing is against the law and you're putting yourselves at risk, we already have people whose job is to protect this city. If you think that even for a second that I would agree to this foolish tirade, think again." John said.
"...We'll use our powers to stop villains everywhere and Persephone would get all Horney by your super heroines," Tyler said.
" Team Fusion Heart is a good name," John said quickly.
"Then it's settled, we are now Team Fusion Heart!" Frank Jr said their super hero team name.
"Still I can't believe that my family are destroying Quahog," Meg said after hear what the Griffins were doing with their Powers.
"So Then, it's up to us to stop our family or die trying, Team Fusion Heart suit up" Frank said as he and the family went to attic to change into their costumes.
Meanwhile at Quahog city hall as the people of Quahog are realizing the chaos the Super griffins are causing.
"Citizens of Quahog, we have a problem!" Mayor West said as the people panic.
"You're damn right we do! Peter Griffin stole my hair!" Justin Timberlake said as he address his problem.
"Settle down, Jeffrey!" Mayor West addressed Justin Timberlake as the wrong name.
"Justin." Justin Timberlake correct him with the right name.
"Mike. Clearly, the Griffin family is out of control. But not to fear. I've tangled with super-beings before. And they can be stopped!" Mayor West addressed him again as a different wrong name while telling his people that he will deal with the Griffins.
"You can't stop us, Mayor West! We are all-powerful!" Peter said as he and his family enter the hall using their powers while he transforms into a T-Rex.
"Clearly, you've let yourselves become drunk with power." Mayor West said as he notice that they are drunk with their new powers.
"Silence!" Stewie said as he punches Mayor West with his mind.
"We demand obedience!" Chris said as he flame his hand with his powers.
"Or else!" Persephone said as she brings out the claws.
"Is that all you can do?" Man said until Persephone scrapes him with nails.
"Ow, That kind of hurt! Is that bleeding? I guess it's all right. Ouch, though." Man said as he complains about the scratch from Persephone like a bitch.
"Anyone who opposes our demands will be destroyed." Lois said as she used her super strength to smash the floor.
"Our first demand: you will erect a statue in the town square. This statue will depict Blair Warner admitting to Mrs. Garrett that the poem she submitted for her creative-writing class was actually plagiarized from a work by Emily Dickinson. We have spoken!" Peter said, as he demands that he wants a statue of Blair admitting she plagiarized a work to Mrs. Garrett.
As he and his family leave, expect that he bump his head while being a t-rex and smash Persephone with his tail. Mayor West has had it with them.
"That's it! We have to fight fire with fire. If nuclear refuse gave them superpowers, it could do the same for me. Citizens, I'm off to the toxic waste dump!" Mayor West said as he fight them with the same power that give the griffins their strength.
As Mayor Adam West went to the toxic waste dump which he douses himself in toxic waste, hoping for powers with which to combat the Griffins. Then we see him at the hospital with Dr. Hartman.
"Mayor West, you have lymphoma." Dr. Hartman said the news to the mayor.
"Oh, my!" Mayor West said in shocked
"Probably from rolling around in that toxic waste." Dr. Hartman said as he explain how he got lymphoma.
"I see." Mayor West said.
"What in God's name were you trying to prove?" Dr. Hartman asking him on why he was rolling in toxic waste.
"I was trying to gain superpowers." Mayor West said his response.
"Well, that's just silly." Dr. Hartman said.
"Silly, yes. Idiotic, yes." Mayor West said.
The next day, Team Fusion Heart were in the living room showing off their new superhero costumes.
"Good thing the costume store still had superhero costumes left," Frank said as he wears a white cape that has a red flame pattern around the hem, a red rope holds the cape together, and has the kanji for "Hokage" (火影) written vertically down the back. Underneath this, he wears a Red sweatshirt with black stripes, black pants and sandals. He also wears a domino mask is shaped just like his wingdings.
"I feel awesome!" Tyler said as he wears a Kid Flash suit. the top half of the suit is completely blue with Dark Blue gloves and Dark Blue lines on the shoulder areas, while the bottom of the suit is also completely Dark Blue. Like other Speedster suits, there is a lightning emblem in the center of the chest, similar to Jay Garrick's suit, which has only has two bolts instead of three. To hide his identity, Tyler wears a mask that covers almost his entire head, but it leaves his eyes, mouth, and hair exposed. There are also two blue lines on each side of the mask that are directly above the com links, which unlike other speedster suits aren't in the shape of lightning bolts and instead similar to the wings seen on the Flash of Earth Three's helmet.
"Hmm?" John hummed as he wearing this mighty red and gold spandex suit with black gloves and boots, and a Robin-esque mask.
"I'll say," Maddie said as she wearing a red dress with red boots and a red mask.
"So, what do you guys think?" Meg asked as she wore a purple leotard with long purple boots, long purple gloves, and a purple hat that looked like her pink one.
"How can I put this?" Menma asked, "You've just received the new super ability to make people vomit faster upon eye contact."
"Keep that up, and you don't get to wear my superhero costume in the sequel," Maddie said.
"Oh, but you promised!" Menma moaned.
"Why am I not surprised by that?" Rage asked dryly as he turned to Frank Jr, "Hey, why don't you have a costume?"
"Don't need one," Frank Jr said as he tap into the Omni Force in his Omnitrix to form his suit, The Omni Suit is a skin-tight bio-organic battle suit. It is colored dark Red that goes from torso to pelvis. The shoulders and gloves are dark red as well with Green streaks on the shoulder-blades. The chestplates, legs and pants area are colored white and have the Omnitrix symbol center on his chest with green belt buckles on both sides that link to the life support pack on the back. The helmet looks like Megaman from Megaman StarForce.
"My Omni suit should be enough to keep my identity a secret." Frank Jr said.
"Isn't your form a bit of A POWERHOUSE?" Rage asked.
"Of course not," Frank Jr said reassuringly.
At that moment, the telephone rings.
"I got it!" John said who rushes right into phone.
"Hello?" John answered, "We're on their way! It's the mayor. He needs our help!"
"Quickly, Team Fusion Heart!" Frank said, "To the Mallque Mobile!"
You mean your vintage Cadillac?" Meg asked.
"No, the Mallque Mobile," said.
"What's the difference?" Maddie asked.
"Because Mallque Mobile sounds more superhero... ish?" Frank asked.
"...Works for us!" Maddie said, "Let's jet!"
A little later at the Mayor's Office, Adam West is pacing back and for frantically.
"This is bad," said West, "Really bad! Superbad, only it isn't not funny."
Just as Adam West continues to be in misery and woe, Team Fusion Heart burst through the front door and strike a heroic pose in front of the mayor.
"What seems to be the problem, Mayor West?" Frank asked.
"No, you're doing it wrong! You must break through my windows like SANE people!" protested West.
"...Okay then..." Frank said as he and the family slowly backed out of the office. A few seconds later they burst through the window, "What seems to be the problem, Mayor West?"
"It's horrible, Team Fusion Heart!" said Mayor West, "The Super Griffins threatening to destroy the city and its inhabitants!"
"We're on our way!" Frank said as he and his family dashed out of the office.
Now we are Town square with the Super Griffin, while Peter directs the townspeople to make a statue of Blair admitting she plagiarized a work to Mrs. Garrett.
"No, no! That is not what Mrs. Garrett's bosom looked like. It looked more like this." Peter said as he transforms himself into Mrs.'s Garrett's cleavage.
"Notice the sun spots at the top of the right can." Peter explain the sunspots on the right breast.
Suddenly, a lightning bolt shocks the Griffin Family. They turns to see the sight of the superhero family, Team Fusion Heart.
"Team Fusion Heart roll call!" Frank shouted as he landed, "Hokage! The Legendary Ninja of the elements!"
"ElastiMeg!" Meg shouted, "The stretchable teen drama queen!"
"Sunburn!" Maddie shouted, "The burning baby!"
"Blue Lightning!" Tyler shouted, "The fastest nerd alive."
"Mr. Brawler!" John shouted, "Nintendo finest gamer fighter."
"The White Magician Girl!" Rosie shouted, "The Red head girl with a thousand spells."
"And Hero-Core!" Frank Jr shouted, "Quahog Mightiest Hero, and that's it."
"Together, we are..." Frank shouted as they all posed.
"TEAM FUSION HEART!" they all said in unison as explosion appear in the background.
"Oh Noooooo!" Lois said, "Super powered humans! Oh, but you all got really good fashion sense. Especially you. I like your leotard, girlfriend."
"Yes! I knew someone other than Frank would like it!" Meg said, "YOU OWE ME 20 BUCKS, DAD!"
"C'mon! Enough talk!" Maddie said, "Let's kick some alien butt!"
"Team Fusion Heart GO!" Frank Jr shouted like Robin from Teen titans Go.
"Seriously, stop saying that," Tyler said.
Everyone gets ready to fight as 1960s Batman type music plays in the background. Frank delivers a lighting hook punch to Peter.
POW!
Maddie delivers a fireball kick at Lois and Persephone! While Rosie makes tornadoes to suck them in and throw them away from town.
BAM!
Tyler punches Brian in face with faster speed. However, loses half way because Brian dodge, Brain is unharmed.
FAIL!
John Throws hammers at Chris.
POW!
While Frank Jr shocks him with thunder.
BAM!
A picture of Phoenix Write pointing appears for no apparent reason.
OBJECTION!
Meg stretches her arms and begins to swing the Griffins by the tail. She keeps spinning until she gains so much momentum that she tosses the Griffins into the sky and to outer space.
"OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo...!" The Griffins screamed as they flew away until they made a sparkle.
"You did it!" Menma said as he ran to the scene, "You save the city!"
"Thank you, Menma," Meg said.
"Yes, but you know what?" Frank asked, "The Griffin wasn't the real culprit here. The real culprit were the same people who control use when John and Tyler first arrive."
"Who are these guys?" Maddie asked.
"Who knows Maddie, but if ever they hurt some from our town, they must beware because we be ready," Frank Jr said as a women come to them with a message.
"Excuse me. I have a message from the Quahog Hospital." Woman said as she give her message to Frank.
"West in trouble. There is no time to lose. Quickly, Team!" said Frank as he opened a nearby hidden door in city hall.
OPEN!
"To the Batmobile!" he continued as he and family dashed to the batmobile and zoomed off.
Now we join our heroes plus the Griffins with Mayor West in the hospital
"I just feel awful about this, Mayor West and we sorry for going crazy, guys. Peter said as his apologies to the mayor and his family.
"Yeah. Me, too. Stewie, fluff his pillows." Lois said as Stewie flush his pillow with his mind.
"We'll heat up his soup." Chris said as he and John heat Adam's soup.
"And we'll go to China to see if there's a cure." Brian said as he and Tyler leaves and returns with one of those conical straw hats.
"Nope." Tyler reply with nothing to report.
"Now, now. The doctor says I'm gonna make a full recovery. The important thing is that you learned your lesson." Mayor West said as he feel that they learn their lesson.
"I can't believe we let those superpowers go to our heads." Persephone said in guilt tone while she was being hug by John.
"I feel like such a bastard." Stewie said in a sad tone.
"Me, too." Brian said in an equal tone.
"For now, we are gonna use our powers to help you get better." Meg said as she and the team and the Griffins will used their powers to help Adam west get better.
Thank you. But as long as I have Mrs. Garrett's giant rack by my bedside, I'll be all right. Mayor West:
As Peter changes himself into Mrs. Garrett's bosom, while Frank Jr change his head to Edena Garrett
"Girls! Girls! Girls!" Peter and Frank Jr said as they all Laughing by that bit.
The End? Or To Be Continued?
Li'l Mallques
Written by Michael Shipley & Jim Bernstein, Directed by Michael Dante DiMartino, Re- Written and Re-Directed by Frank Mallque.
As we join Peter, dress as Spanky McFarland from the little rascals 1994 movie. He is writing a letter to his friends as he send his Friend Dog Snoopy with the letter attach.
"Go get 'em, Snoops!" Peter shouted as the dog around town until he reaches the baseball field with a young Joe Swanson who dress like Stymie Beard with his trademark bowler hat.
"Snoops! What's up, pup?" Joe asked as he read the letter attach to his collar.
"Get it, Swanson, get it!" one of his team mates shouted as the ball was flies away. Joe spots the ball as he race towards the fence with nothing to catch the ball with
"Hey, where's your mitt?" one of his teammates shouted on where his mitt?
"Don't worry about it." Joe shouted as he catches the ball with his hat.
"All right! Good catch! Joe" his teammates shouted as Joe ran toward his meeting with the gang, while snoops ran toward to quagmire house.
"Hello, Snoops." Quagmire answer the door as he dress like froggy Laughlin who wears overalls with a croaking voice and a love for amphibians. He reads the letter and he shouts his mom, "Be back later, Mom!" as he ran toward the club.
Now we join Cleveland and Adam west fishing.
"Got anything, Adam?" Cleveland said, as he is dress like Buckwheat
"Not a bite, Cleveland." Adam west said who dress like Porky.
"Hmm." They both question their fishing method. As their hooks get cross together.
"I got something! I got something!" Cleveland said as he gets pull by his hook.
Me too! A big fat one! Adam said as he too gets pull by his hook.
"Whoa!" Cleveland shouted as he lean toward the water without fall as Adam pull his fish. Until he pulls back to get his fish.
"Whoa!" Adam shouted as he lean toward the water without fall as Cleveland pull his fish. Until he pulls back to get his fish.
"Whoa!" Cleveland shouted as he lean toward the water without fall as Adam pull his fish. Until he pulls back to get his fish.
"Whoa!" Adam shouted as he lean toward the water without fall as Cleveland pull his fish. Until he pulls back to get his fish, as snoops come by them.
"Yo, snoops come here and pull me up!" Cleveland said as he calls the dog to his side.
"Thanks, snoops!" Cleveland said as he tells the dog to pull him up.
"Whoa!" Adam said as he was pull down the lake from his cross hook.
"Hey, Adam, look! A note." Cleveland said as he pulls the note out of Snoops caller the he past it to Adam.
"What's it say?" Cleveland asked Adam about the letter on what it said.
"We gotta learn to read." Adam said as he tries to read the little but could since the note is upside-down.
No we see lots of kid rushing to the We Hate Broads Club with Quagmire asking for a hand sign for entry.
"You're okay." Quagmire said as he let a kid in.
"You're okay." Quagmire said as he let another kid in.
"You're all right." Quagmire said as he let the other kid's friend in.
"Go on in." Quagmire said as he let a kid in.
"You're okay." Quagmire said as he let a kid in.
"Go on in." Quagmire said as he let a kid in.
"What's the "high" sign?" Quagmire asked the next kid about high sigh as the kid did the sign.
"Go on in." Quagmire said as he let the kid in as Cleveland came in.
"You're okay." Quagmire said as he let Cleveland in as Adam came next and he was pick his nose.
"Wrong sign, Adam." Quagmire said as Adam did the right sign.
"Okay, go on in." Quagmire said as he let Adam in. then little Franky walker came in with his pet monkey.
"You're okay, Franky." Quagmire said as he let in Frank walker in with his pet monkey. Then he spots the bullies, Victor creed and Ernie the Giant Chicken and he raspberries them with the high sign.
"You little creep." Victor creed said in anger as quagmire enter the club and close the door.
Now we join All the characters are now '30s-style children in the clubhouse.
"Sit down!" Joe shouted as everyone sit down to their seats.
"Hear ye, hear ye. I call to order the first meeting of the We Hate Broads Club." Nathan Everett said as the group cheered.
"Gentlemen and gentlemen, I give you our president, Petey Griffin." Joe said as he introduce their president who is Peter griffin.
"Hi, Petey!" Frank walker cheered.
"How is it going?" Peter said as he shakes hand with him.
"Petey?" Nathan shouted, as he is wave to the president.
"Nice to see ya." Peter said as he waves back.
"Petey." Quagmire shouted.
"Hey, Petey." Death said in excitement.
"What's up?" Peter said as he shakes both quagmire and death hand.
"How are ya? Good to see ya. Your fly's undone." Peter said, as he pass by Cleveland then point out Adam's fly was open.
"Welcome! Peter" Lao said.
"All right, Petey!" earl said.
Hey, Petey! Royce said.
Meanwhile outside with the bullies.
"You thinkin' what I'm thinkin', Ernie?" Victor asked his friend.
"Yeah, Vic." Ernie said until he did not know what they thinking.
"What are we thinkin'?" Ernie asked him.
"How much fun it's gonna be to stomp those guys in the race." Victor explains what they are going to do at the cart race as he looks at the club.
Now we join the gang taking their meeting.
"Ready to take down the minutes, Uh-Huh?" Peter asked Uh-Huh who is really a girl name Helena Oldman. She is petey close friend until she move away, now she is back and dress as Uh-Huh.
"Uh-huh." Helena said.
"As you know, today I called... an emergency meeting for a very important reason. But first, any good stories?" Peter asking his club members.
"Me!" Cleveland shouted to be pick.
"Cleveland." Peter said as he chose him to talk.
"Yeah! This morning my sister left the toilet seat down." Cleveland said his story in disgust.
"Eww!" every club member said in disgust by that story.
"Women make men miserable." Cleveland said as he express his hate for women. While the club members shout at peter to pick any of them for the next story.
"Quaggie." Peter said as he pick quagmire.
"Yeah, there's this girl who moved in across the street..." Quagmire said as he explain what happen to him when he meet a new girl on the street.
"Eww!" every club member said in disgust by that story.
"And she came over cause she wanted to play." Quagmire said as he continues his tale.
"Eww!" every club member said in disgust by that story.
"But don't worry, I got back at her." Quagmire said as he got pay back on the girl.
"What'd you do? What'd you do?" Everyone ask quagmire on what he do on the girl.
"I whipped out my lizard." Quagmire said as he takes out his pet lizard.
"Hmmph!" Helena said in smug look on a job well done.
"Yea!" Frank walker shouted in excitement.
"Good job, Frogman." Peter said as he congratulate quagmire on his victory.
"Because all you need in life is your best pals." Brian said as he tells the group that they only need each other to be happy.
"Sure! As long as those pals ain't dames!" Quagmire said his response.
"Are you gettin' this, Uh-Huh?" Peter asking Helena if she getting any of this.
"Uh-huh." Helena said her response with a nod.
"All right, men, let's talk about the pride of our club, the Blur." Peter explains the real reason they gather.
"The Blur has never been beaten... since the beginning of time, five years." Cleveland explain the blur car's origin.
"This Sunday, we defend our honor... our undefeated streak and our trophy. Best of all, this year's trophy... will be presented by none other than the famous... Indy racecar driver... A.J. Ferguson." Peter explains that A.J Ferguson with hand out this years trophy.
"Wow! He's the best driver in the whole world!" Joe said in excitement as quagmire stands up.
"Men, can I have an "Azuga"? Quagmire said as he ask the group to chant Azuga.
"Azuga! Azuga! Azuga! Azuga! Azuga!" everybody chanted in excitement.
"Hey, nice Azugas." Peter said as he comments on a good Azugas.
Until the club members hear Creaking in the cealing.
"What was that?" Peter asked until Kids Tom tucker and Diana Simmons fall down toward the floor.
"Hey, I thought we told you guys to quit snooping around here!" Quagmire shouted at these kids.
We need to find a story if I'm ever gonna be a big-time reporter, man. Tom Tucker said his response until Peter pushes them towards the door.
"All right, all right. Make like Siamese twins and split...and then one of you die." Peter said as he shuts the door tight.
And now the reason for the emergency meeting, the choosing of the driver! Peter:
"Yea!" the club members shouted their response.
"Our driver should be a man who's all He-Man." Brian said his requirement for the driver.
"A He-Man so manly... that if he fell off a building, he'd go out of his way to land on a girl." Cleveland said his requirement for the driver.
As Peter pick a name out of the raffle, he then look happy by the name he grab from the hat.
"Gentlemen, this year... our driver's name is... none other than my lifelong chum... my best buddy in the whole wide world... the one and only Jake Mallque!" Peter said his best friend Jake has been chosen to be the driver for the club's prize-winning go-kart, "The Blur", in the upcoming Soap Box Derby go-kart race.
"Yea!" the club members shouted their response.
"Otay!" Cleveland said his response.
"Say... where the heck is Jake?" Peter ask where his best friend is while he looks around as Unfortunately, Jake is nowhere to be found.
"When do we have the grape juice? I came for the grape juice." Mayor West asking for juice.
Meanwhile at school, Peter begins his pranking.
"Hey, Quagmire, watch this." Peter said as he puts a kick me sign on a girl.
"Hey, "kick me"!" Teacher said as he kick the girl when he spot the sign.
As School, bell ringing everyone went to his or her seats.
"Boys and girls, we have a new student joining us this morning. Her name is Lois Pewterschmidt." Teacher said as he introduce a new student who happens to be Lois Griffin.
"Just what we need, another girl." Peter complain about the new girl.
"You said it!" Quagmire reply to Peter's response.
As Lois enters both Peter and Quagmire, see her as fine ass girl.
"Wow, I'd like to play doctor with her and remove her inflamed appendix before it bursts, causing sepsis." Peter explains what he will do to her.
"Gigidy-gigidy-gigidy!" Quagmire said as he gets Alfalfa-style cowlick straightens out
Now we join the gang go to find Jake and they discover him in the company of his sweetheart Achika masaki, with whom he is forbidden to be in love because she is a girl and that is against club rules. Now he is sing a song about her beauty.
You are so beautiful To me
Can't you see
You're everything I hope for
You're everything I need
You are so beautiful
To me-eeee
"There he is, you guys! Come on!" Cleveland said as he spot Jake on a boat while they were on top of a wooden bridged.
"He's with a girl." Adam said in shocked while snoopy moan.
"Quiet, snoopy." Frank walker said as they tries to listen in.
"They're together." Nathan said in shocked.
"Oh, no!" gang said in terror.
"This is awful." Lao said.
"Cleveland, hand me your fishin' pole." Peter said as they make a cup phone.
"Oh, Achika, we're two hearts with but one beat. Two brains with but one thought. Two souls with but one...shoe."
"Then how can you belong to that silly woman-Haters Club? You know, I'm a woman. Sort of." Achika said her response.
"Let me tell ya something, Achika. I'm not like those guys. I'm a sensitive male." Jake explain himself to her.
"Eww!" Peter and the gang said in disgust.
"I'm into sharing, caring... feeling and healing. I'm in touch with my feminine side." Jake
"How nice." Achika said in happiness
"It's worse than I thought." Joe said in Jake behavior is getting worst.
"You know, the big talent show at the fair is coming up... and I was wondering if maybe you'd like to sing with me." Achika asking Jake to sing with her at the talent show at the fair.
"You mean it? I'd be honored." Jake said as he accepts her proposal.
"Hey, I've got an idea. Let me take you on a picnic tomorrow." Jake asking her to go with him on a picnic.
"Excuse me? Cleveland said in question on what happing.
"The way you feed my soul, I can, feed your face." Jake said as he express his love for her.
"Cool! And to prove you're proud of me, why don't we have our picnic in your clubhouse?" Achika ask him to have their picnic at We Hate Broads Club.
"No!" the gang shouted in fear of a girl inside their clubhouse.
"Tomorrow? Tomorrow? Swimming day. Sure!" Jake said as he accepts this since he know the gang goes swing tomorrow.
"Oh, Jake! You're a sweetie poo!" Achika said as she and Jake kiss each other in the lips.
"Blech!" The gang fake puke in disgust by the event.
Now the next day at school in the playground as we see Peter and Quagmire walking toward Lois who was reading.
"Hey, Lois, what you reading?" Peter asked her on what she is reading.
"'The Red Badge of Courage.' I sure wish I could meet a brave fellow like the guy in this book." Lois said as she dream of a man who really brave.
"I'm a brave guy, Lois." Peter said a lie and quagmire knew that.
"Oh, yeah? I bet you're not brave enough to laugh at Death!" Quagmire said as he dare peter to laugh at death.
"Watch me. Ha-ha-ha!" Peter said as he laughs at a young death
"Oh, thanks! Like I don't have enough trouble fitting in!" Death said as he felt worse about his life.
"I bet you're not brave enough to take all your clothes off!" Peter said as he dare quagmire to take his clothes off until he notice that he is already naked.
"Way ahead of you. Oh!" Quagmire said, as he was way ahead of him.
"Well, I bet you're too chicken to spend a night at the old Selberg place." Peter said as he dare him to stay at the old Selberg place.
As Eerie instrumental music was playing on Cleveland face which ruin the moment.
"Uh, Cleveland, you mind stepping out of the way?" Peter asked Cleveland to move his face since he is blocking the spooky house.
"Oh, sorry." Cleveland apologies as he moves His face which the Eerie instrumental music replay on the spooky house.
"Well, I ain't chicken to spend the night there!" Quagmire said as he puts on his clothes.
"Well, I ain't neither! And to prove it, I'm going up there tonight after we ruin Jake's date!" Peter said as he going out their
See you there, pal! Quagmire said it in a pout. As a young Mort Goldman arrive to talk to them.
"You can't stay in that house! Old Man Selberg's ghost still haunts it. Not to mention the myriad of bacteria and allergens from years of substandard housekeeping. It does not augur well for you." Mort Goldman said as he warns them about the house being haunted and full bacteria and allergens
"Aw, Zip it, egghead. You with your big words and your small, difficult words." Peter said as he insults mort like the nerd that he is.
"Wow. Any boy who would spend the night in that creepy place sure would be the bravest fellow I ever met." Lois said with being impresson which boy will spend the whole night as she leave all attractive like.
"That Lois is some kind of woman." Peter comment on Lois being a special type of lady.
"Yeah. Just thinking about her makes my testicles want to drop. Oops! Speak of the devil. Oop, make that devils." Quagmire comment on Lois aswell until his balls drop.
At the picnic, Alfalfa and Darla think they are alone, but the other club members secretly watching them and were ready to pull several silly pranks to sabotage their romantic date (whoopee cushion, cat litter in sandwiches, etc.).
"Oh, you're so nice for bringing me here." Achika said as she thanks Jake for invited her.
"I can't see." Petey said as he shoves somebody to see the date.
"Move over." Franky walker said as Jake sets up a table with candlelit lights.
"A candlelit lunch! I'm dazzled." Achika said as Jake sit down on a whoopee cushion.
"Excuse me. I seem to have a little... fahrvergnugen." Jake apologies for his farts. While the gang replace the soda with dirty water juice in the bottle.
"Uh... no problem." Achika said as she accepts his apology. Then the gang place the bottle back at the same spot.
"Grape soda?" Jake asked for a drink of soda.
"Yes, please." Achika said as he poured her some soda in her cup.
"To us." Jake said as they clang their cups and wnet to drink their soda.
"Mmm." Achika said as she notice something wrong with their drinks.
"Ugh!" Jake said as he spits out his drink.
"Ugh." Achika said as she alos spits out her drink.
"This tastes like somebody... poured it through a old boot." Jake said as his notice that the soda taste like a dirty old shoe.
"Actually, it's a sneaker." Adam said as he holds an old sneaker.
"Must've been a bad year." Jake said as the gang add cat litter in sandwiches.
"Maybe we should strap on the old feed bag." Nathan said before they return the sandwiches back. As Jake brought them toward the table.
"which sandwich did I bring?" Achika asked Jake.
"This one." Jake said as he points
"Why don't we swap?" Achika said.
"What's yours is mine..." Jake said as he gives her the sandwich
"And what's mine is ours." Achika said as she gave Jake her sandwich.
"You know just what to say to take a girl's breath away." Achika said as she comment on Jake on astounding her.
"This'll take her breath away." Petey said as he hope she enjoy her sandwich.
"Adam, you sure know how to make a "sand wich." Cleveland said as his comment on the sand in sandwich.
"That wasn't sand. That was kitty litter." Adam said as he explains that he put kitty litter in the sandwich.
"Don't worry, it's pretty fresh." Jake said
"You made a delicious sandwich." Achika said
"So did you. Very crunchy." Jake said
"Maybe we should move on to... dessert." Jake said
"It's a surprise." Jake said
"It's beautiful!" Achika said
"I had to eat six boxes of Cracker Jacks to find it. It's a symbol of my undying affliction for you." Jake said
"I love diamonds! I was wrong about you. You're not embarrassed by the woman you love." Achika said
Achika...would you think me forward if I asked you for a... a big wet one? Jake asked her.
"What?" Achika said in question.
"A kiss?" Jake said as he asked for a kiss form his love.
"Okay." Achika said as she kiss jake on the lips and the gang were gross out by it.
Oh, man! Gross! Nathan said as he tries not to puke.
"I can't take it anymore." Lao said as he and the rest of the gang rush toward the door of the clubhouse.
"Hey Jake, Open up!" Petey shouted from the front door.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" Jake said as he surprised from his friends arriving early.
"Why, thank you, Jake." Achika said as she thanks him.
"Jake, open this door!" Petey shouted from the front door.
"Open up!" the gang finally reveal themselves and demand to come inside the clubhouse
"I'm in my hurry to eat; I forgot to give you the tour. Here is the wall, here is the other wall and... Here's our closet." Jake said, as he is show Achika the club hose and he frantically tries to convince Achika to hide in the closet
"Have you lost your mind?" Achika asking in question.
"Do you wanna go in there?" Jake said as he tries again.
"Just as I thought. You are ashamed of me." Achika said as which leads her to mistakenly believe that Jake feels ashamed of her. In the frenzy, a candle flame gets out of control, ultimately causing the clubhouse to burn down.
"I'm not ashamed of you. I'm proud of you. I just don't want anybody to see you." Jake said, as he make excuses, which had made Achika, feel worse.
"Open up!" Petey said from the front door.
"Well, that does it, mister. I'm out of here!" Achika said as she sit in corner.
"... two...three!" petey count down to one so Jake can open the door before the gang bust in. but Jake did it anyway while pretending to have a toothache.
"It's about time." Joe said as they were waiting.
"Hiya, guys! You're back early." Jake said
"How's the toothache, bub?" petey said in a mad tone as he knew what Jake was doing in the clubhouse.
"Yeah!" the gang said aloud.
"Dentist pulled my wisdom teeth." Jake said
"So that explains why you're acting so stupid. Well, we're going inside." Petey said as he goes towards the door but jake stops him.
"No, you're not! It's such a nice day outside, isn't it? Nothin's going on in there." Jake said while Achika has had it with Jake and she found a way out of the clubhouse by drive the blur out.
"Hey, what's that noise?" Jake aske as he hears something until the blur coming out of the clubhouse.
"Whoa!" petey and gang shout in awe.
Achika! Jake said in shocked until he faited as he notice the fire.
"Fire! Fire!" adam shouted as he notice the fire.
"You two, call the fire department." Petey commanded Cleveland and Adam to call the fire department to stop the clubhouse fire.
"Yes, sir!"
In the frenzy, a candle flame gets out of control, ultimately causing the clubhouse to burn down. As the gang rush to get water from everywhere in town to stop the fire but it was too late, the clubhouse was too burn to survive.
"I'm never gonna speak to you as long as I live. Tell him when he comes to, people. Good-bye!" Achika said as she tells the club members that she and Jake are over.
As Achika breaks up with Jake and turns her attentions toward Lois, the new kid in town whose father is an oil tycoon.
"The clubhouse is fried crispy." Cleveland said in a sad tone.
"Our lives are over." Nathan said in an equal sad tone.
"And it's your entire fault!" Petey said as Jake wakes up from his faint attack.
"That's right." Joe said in agreement.
"It sure is." Quagmire said as he also agreed with that statement.
Now we join everyone at the remains of the clubhouse, where they are having a court Case, everyone vs Jake Mallque.
"All rise for Judge Petey." Joe said the members of the club rise for petey is the judge for Jake case.
"I think Petey's gonna find him guilty." Cleveland said aloud to Adam.
"How do you plead?" Petey asked his friend.
"Like this. Please, oh, please, have mercy, please!" Jake plead like a wuss in front of everybody.
"Hmm! Pretty good pleading." Joe said as he comments on Jake's pleading.
"Hmmm. would you like to make a statement." Petey asked Jake's for a statement.
"Just that... I never knew likin' a girl could lead to all this." Jake said, as he did not knew his date would end up like this.
"Mm-mm-mm." the gang mumble on that response.
"I let my pals down, I let the club down... and I let my best friend down." Jake said as he let everyone down and his friend down because on what he did.
"Jake G Mallque, I hereby sentence you... to execution... at dawn!" Petey said as he fined Jake guilty of his crime and he sentence him to death at dawn. while Jake look shock at his sentence.
"Yes!" Cleveland said in excitement.
"Uh-huh!" Helena said in agreement until Joe interrupt the court to make an offer.
"Your Honor, may I suggest... this court rules he be put on probation. As terms of the probation, he alone will be responsible for guarding the go-cart. Day and night." Joe said as he assigns Jake, to guard the go-kart until the day of the race.
"Uh, uh..." Helena said as she agreed with this sentence.
"Court agrees." petey said as he notice that the court agrees.
"Ya mean ya want me to spend the night here? All alone? Out in the open? Well, what about the wild dingoes?" Jake asked them that he has to stay all night with dingoes who eat kids.
"Deal with it." Petey said as they made their statement of his punishment.
"As another term of his probation... that he may never again talk to, see or even think about Achika... or else." Joe said, as since Jake burned down the clubhouse and fraternized with a girl, he not allowed him to see her again.
"Yeah!" Everyone shouted in agreement.
"And I'm makin' it my own personal business to see that you don't." Petey said as he going to make do with his promise.
"Yeah! All right!" Adam and Cleveland shouted in excitement.
"Oh!" Jake moans in sadness from what has happened to him.
Now we join Jake and Achika on top of a cliff dance around.
"You are so beautiful to me." Jake said as he comments on Achika beauty.
"I love you, Jake. Achika said her love to Jake.
I want to die in your arms." Jake said his confession.
"You do?" Achika said as she asked him if he real want to die in her arms.
"Of course, not right away." Jake said as he calms her down.
"March! March!" Petey and the gang shout a chant as they match towards the hill where Jake and Achika are.
"I'm off to join Sir Spankus in battle." Jake said as he point out to his friend.
"How's the toothache, bub?" Petey asked him in a mad tone.
"But you're my boy-toy! I won't let you go!" Achika said as they hear thunder, which freaky them out then there was silence. Then it shows Adam and Cleveland dress in kilts while playing the bagpipes.
"You must choose between us. Achika said as she asked Jake to choose between her and his friend at the club.
"Uh... uh..." Helena said in agreement.
"Yeah, you must choose between us. Sir Jake, haul butt!" Petey said in agreement.
Maybe this will help you make up your mind. Achika said as she kisses him on the lips until the thunder strikes again which freaks them out again.
"Tell me you'll never leave me." Achika asked Jake, that he would never leave her.
"I'll never leave you." Jake said his confession while making petey piss off in the process.
"That's it, traitor! we must slay you... before your forbidden love... destroys our manly bond." Petey said as he and the gang were going to slay Jake from betraying them and for the good of the club.
"Choose or die! Choose or die! Choose or die! Choose or die! Choose or die! Choose or die! Choose or die! Choose or die! Choose or die! Choose or die!" Petey, Achika and the gang chanted as them move towards the cliff until they blow Jake off it.
While he screams towards his death until Jake wakes up from his dream as everyone in the club was here in the tent.
Ease up, pal. It's just us. Petey said as the gang get comfortable.
"we came to keep you company." Joe said.
"Yeah." The gang said in excitement.
"Well, why am I soaking' wet?" Jake asked them on why he is wet in his sleeping bag.
"Don't worry, Jake. I used to have the same problem." Adam said as he had wetting problems.
"There's just a hole in the tent." Cleveland said as he revel that theirs a hole in the tent, which he squishes as the hole, squats water at gang members.
"whoo!" The gang shouted at exciement until thunder freaks them out.
"You're not thinking about Achika, are ya?" petey asked Jake as he notice him think about something.
"No, of course not." Jake said to that response.
"Good!" Petey said.
"I wonder if she's not thinking of me too." Jake asked aloud as he wonder if Achika is not thinking about him as well.
Meanwhile Achika was having a sleepover with her friends.
"Why are boys such jerks?" Achika asking her friends.
"You're not thinking about Jake, are you? Donna tubbs asked her.
"Oh, no, no, no, no way!" Achika
Are you sure? Bonnie asked her.
Meanwhile at the club the boys were think on why girl stink.
"Babes are like a bad song!" Jerome tell how girls are like a horrible song.
"Once you get 'em stuck in your head, you can't get 'em out again." Lois said in agreement, on how boys are terrible.
"Why do they have to be so..." Donna said one part of a statement.
"Different?" Quagmire said to finish that statement.
"Hmmm!" Jake hummes in question.
"Girls get along with each other." Achika said as she said good thing about girls.
"Boys stand up for themselves." Petey said as he said good things about boys.
"Girls care." Achika said as she runs around.
"Boys take what's theirs." Petey said as he tells them that boys are greater than girls are.
"Boys won't listen." Achika complain about boy's behavior.
"All they wanna do is talk." Joe said as he tells them that girls can stop talking.
"They like to moon ya." Diana tells the girls that boy will moon you with their butt's wide open.
"No, we don't!" Cleveland said as he heard what donna said without explanation until booth group from where they are heard thunder which freaks them out.
"Gigglin' and gossipin'." Adam said his response about girls.
"Fighting and farting!" Muriel Goldman said her response about boys.
"Barbies and bracelets." Frank walker said his response about girls.
"Boogers and bugs!" Achika said in disgust about boys worst hobbies.
"Ice skating." Nathan said his response about girls.
"Bungee jumping." Bonnie said her response about boys.
"Synchronized swimming!" quagmire said his response about girls in disgust.
"And all try to get 'em to sit still. Mort said his response
"Boys! Ugh!" Achika and girls shout in disgust by boys.
"Girls! Ugh!" petey and the boys shout in disgust by girls as we turn to the girls running around in excitement.
"And the worst thing of all..." Petey said more about the girls.
"They smell... - weird!" both boys and girls shout about each on smelling weirded.
Now we join the gang walk toward a wood workers to buy some wood to remake their club house.
"Howdy, mister." Petey said hello to the wood worker as he notice a grouip of kids in front of his desk.
"Me and my buddies have to build a new clubhouse." Petey asked the man about getting wood for his clubhouse.
"We need to buy some lumber." Joe said in agreement.
"What kind?" the wood worker asked them.
"Wood!" Joe said to that response to the wood worker.
- # Short people got nobody #
"We took up a collection. Give us all the wood you can for this much, please. Petey said as he give all the money that he had in his pocket. The wood worker went in the back to get the amount of wood that cause from what petey had.
# Short people got no reason to live #
# They got little hands #
# Little eyes #
- # They walk around tellin' great big lies #
"Paper or plastic?" The wood worker asked them which was not enough wood that they need..
# They got little noses and tiny little teeth #
# They wear platform shoes on their nasty little feet #
"$450 for lumber?" joe said out loud as the group were moving around town.
"where are we gonna get that kind of moola?" petey asked the group on how they get that amount of money.
"I don't know. You know what they say. Wood doesn't grow on trees." Jerome said a mean that wood doesn't grow on trees but doesn't know that wood is made from trees.
- # Don't want no short people #
- # 'Round here #
"Hey, you guys, come 'ere!" Petey shouts at the group to near where he is now.
"what's going on?" Joes asked him.
"what's up?" Jerome asked as well. While petey points at a bank with a smile.
"All in favor say,"Yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy!" petey asked them if they agree with this plan.
"Yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy..." as the gang all shouted the chant in agreement.
As they tried to get in the bank in disguise, they were disguise as two men in black suits with black hat and long brown beards. However, the bank teller figure them out and kick them out as other men that look like them enter the bank.
Meanwhile at the clubhouse ruins we join Jake writing his punishment in the cart.
"She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me! You guys don't know what you're talkin' about. I have to see her!" Jake said as he realized that he still love Achika
"But that's a violation of your probation." Adam said.
I know! I'll write a message, and you two can take it to her. Jake said as he attempts to win back Achika.
"Wait a second! We're He-Man woman-Haters. We can't deliver love notes." Cleveland said in that response.
"Love note? No! This is gonna be a hate note." Jake said as he sending her a fake love note. However, that will fails right.
"Sounds good to me!" Cleveland said.
"Dear Achika, I hate your stinkin' guts! You make me vomit. You're scum between my... toes. Love, Jake." Jake said as he wrote a note as he pass it to Cleveland and Adam.
"Otay!" Cleveland and Adam said together.
As the scene changes where Cleveland and Adam were at achika house as she is in her ballerina custom.
"What's up, guys?" Achika asked them on what they are here for.
"Cleveland, where's the note?" Adam asked him on where is the note.
"Note, note. I know I got it here somewhere." Cleveland said as he check his person for the note.
"Come on, guys." Achika said as she is getting inpatient.
"We'll find it." Adam said as he calm her down.
"I'm waiting." Achika said as she tap hers foot.
"I know! I gave it to you." Cleveland said as he is notice Adam sneezed on the note, which made it unreadable.
"Uh-oh!" Adam said in response.
"what's going on?" Achika asked them again.
"It's otay. I remember what it said. "Dear Achika." Cleveland said as he repeat what Jake said while he was writing the note.
"I hate your stinkin' guts." Cleveland said as Achika get mad.
"You make me vomit." Cleveland said as Achika made a stake face in anger.
"Hmmph!" Achika said to that response.
- "You are scum between my toes." Cleveland said as achika look shocked by this message.
"Oh!" Adam said in shocked by the note as well.
"Love, Jake." Cleveland said who wrote the note as Achika smash her soda can in anger.
Whoa! Cleveland said in shocked by the soda can being smash like that.
Now we are back at the clubhouse ruins with Jake.
"Well?" Jake asked on how it went.
"Yeah... "Cleveland said his response.
"But was she upset?" Adam said in response.
"Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm!" Jake mumble in despair from his failure.
Few hours later we see Jake write the same sentence repeatedly.
"I will not think of Achika. I will not think of Achika! I will not think of Achika. Maybe Petey is right. Huh?" Jake said to snoopy.
"Maybe I should just forget about love. Dang, I'm outta paper." Jake said as his notice he ran out of paper and snoopy comes back with toilet paper.
"No, not that kind of paper!" Jake said as snoopy found a piece of paper without knowing that it was the list.
"Thanks, snoopy." Jake said as he then notice that this paper was a list of stuff that ruin his date with achika.
"Skunked by that sleazy sidewinder Petey! It's his fault Achika hates me!" jake said as he had it and he will get even with petey tonight.
"Hop in, snoopy! Sit!" Jake said as he drive toward the old Selberg place.
As Dramatic instrumental music playing we join petey and the gang inside old Selberg place.
"All right. Quagmire's team will take the left side of the house. Peter's team will take the right. And whoever's alive in the morning can bury his dead pals." Joe said the rules of the dare.
"Do I have a cobweb in my hair? It feels like I have a cobweb in my hair." Cleveland asked the group that if he has a cobweb in his hair.
Now we join Quagmire's team asthey walk on the stairs while the guys hear a wolf howling.
"What was that?" Cleveland asked on that howling.
"It's just Michael Winslow from Police Academy." Quagmire said as tells them to relax, as he know who is make the noise.
The sounds turn out to originate from Winslow and continues to do a bunch of sound effects. He voices himself. Growling Monkey noise and make Helicopter noise, Elephant noise, Baaing like a sheep and then make Submarine noise as he walks away. Then Quagmire's team ran in terror.
Now we join peter's team as they walk on the first floor.
"This house gives me the creeps." Joe said, as he is scared out of his mind.
"Yeah. Let's get out of here." Brian said, as he wants out of here, until petey stiops them.
"Wait, wait, wait. We can't let those guys win. What we ought to do is pretend we're ghosts, see-" Peter said as then scene change to quagmire group.
-and then we'll scare the other guys out of the house- Quagmire said as then scene change to Peter group.
"-Then we can say that we spent-" Peter said as then scene change to quagmire group.
"-The-" Quagmire said as then scene change to Peter group.
"-night. Then, everyone will think we're-"Peter said as then scene change to quagmires' group.
"-The-" Quagmire said as then scene change to Peter's group.
"-bravest kids in the world. Especially Lois, He, he, he, he." Peter said as he laughs then scene change to quagmire's group.
"All right!" Quagmire said as he finish telling his plan.
Now we join peter group as they plan to scared quagmire group with something.
"Hey, I got a great idea!" Peter said as he and his group gets into suit of armor.
"This'll really scare them. Everybody set?" Peter said as he inside the helmet.
Check! Joe said as he inside the chest plate and using the arms.
Check! Brian said as he inside the pants and it shows his nose from the crotch area.
"Sock it to me!" Goldie Hawn said as she pops out of the leg of the armor and shouts the catch phrase from the late 1960s-early 1970s sketch comedy show Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In.
As Quagmire, Cleveland and Adam stack together while putting a bed sheet on them to make them look like a ghost.
"If we only had a teacup, this'd be like playing Find the Teacup in the Bed Sheet, like I do with my Aunt Sophia." Mayor West said proceed to attempt to scare each other out
As they both walk in the hallway threw the many rooms and Mystery, Inc made an appearance until they bump into each other and they fell out of their costumes.
"My God! Not only are ghosts real, but their innards are made of children." Peter said as he thinks that ghost are made of kids.
"Peter, it's us!" Quagmire said until they encounter an apparently "real" ghost.
"Say, that's a nice effect." Peter said as he comments on the ghost.
"Yeah. That's really scary." Quagmire said as he agrees with peter.
"Wait a second. If you're there, and I'm here and Istanbul is somewhere in this general area then who the hell is that?" Peter said as he point his stick at the ghost in question as to who it is.
"Whoaaaaaaa!" the ghost shouted as he scares both groups.
"Ahhhhhhhhaahhhhh!" The gang Screaming as they all flee in terror out of the house while Jake laughs behind the bushes.
"Payback a bitch right Petey!" Jake said as he got his payback while in another bushes we see tom and Diana writing their next story.
"Ha-Get used to this sight, Diane. Guys running away from you." Tom Tucker said as he mocks her on her dating skills.
"Tom, you're so deep in the closet, you're finding Christmas presents." Diane Simmons said as she told him that he was too gay.
Now we join the gang inside the ruins of the clubhouse as they try to make excuses.
"All right. Now, remember our story. We tell Lois that we both stayed all night. I caught the ghost with my lasso". Peter said his part of his story.
"And I punched him so hard, he ran crying all the way back to Hell!" Quagmire said
"She'll have to believe that. It hangs together so perfectly." Peter said his plan will work until they hear the news.
"Our top story today, cowardly kids lay down rubber at the old Selberg place as they were prank by former friend." Diane Simmons said
"Wait. Turn that up." Peter said as they rushes toward the TV.
"Peter Griffin and Glen Quagmire were seen bolting" Tom Tucker said as peter turn up the volume and tom gets louder.
"Were seen bolting out of the supposedly haunted house after just one half-hour leaving only their pride and twin trails of urine behind them, as peter griffin was prank by Jake mallque for ruining his date?" Tom Tucker said his side of the report.
"Cheese and crackers! Its thanks to Jake that Lois will know everything!" Quagmire said as he complain
"Not if I can help it!" Peter said as he pick up a paper cup and he Imitates phone ringing.
"Newsroom." Tom Tucker said as he answers his paper cup phone.
"Hello. This is Peter Griffin. You'd better stop saying that stuff or we'll watch something else!" Peter said his responces.
As they are flipping channels, they turn to an episode of The View, featuring young versions of its hosts at the time, Star Jones, Meredith Vieira, Joy Behar, Lisa Ling and Walters.
"Today on The View, cooties, the silent killer." Barbara Walters said in her adult voice.
Now we join the boys try to fund-raise $450, the cost of the lumber needed to rebuild their clubhouse at the fair. By make a sideshow attraction.
# we are He-Man woman Haters #
# we feed girls to alligators #
# The clubhouse burned down
mighty low #
# But we got a plan
to make some dough #
# Left, right, Left, right ##
"Looking good." Jerome said about their tent.
"This is gonna be a piece of cake." Petey said as he feel this paln is going to work.
"Petey, me and adam got an idea." Cleveland said as he tell him about their idea.
"Keep it. You might need it when you grow up." Petey said.
"Otay. Cleveland and Adam said together as they ran over signs.
"Hey, maybe this will work. Let's go." Adam said as they pick up a sign that said admission for $3.00.
"Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls!" Petey said as his dress like a showmen.
"Enter if you dare! See the weird freak of nature!" Jerome said as he too dress like a showmen.
"Even science can't explain it! It's a really good show!" Petey said.
"Step right up and witness this hideous mutant!" Jerome said.
"Amazing! Incredible! Come on, everybody!" Petey said.
"It's the Four-foot man-eating chicken!" Jerome said as it reveal what inside was Joe dress like a hobo while eating chicken.
"Hey, folks, we need to make some money!" Petey said.
"Gimme a quarter! Five dollars! Anything!" Jerome said.
"We need to build a new clubhouse!" Petey said as he explains the mean of his sideshow.
"Just hurry, hurry, hurry! People, people! We need your money!" Jerome said but nobody came in to see their sideshow.
"You there, kid! wanna come in?" Petey said as he asked a kid to come in but he never did.
"At least people are ridin' the rides." Jerome said something good about the carnival.
Now we join the gang as they give up as they walk out of their tent.
"Come on, Petey. So things didn't quite pan out." Jerome said
"Didn't quite pan out"? we have less money than when we came!" Petey said with a sad tone until Jerome notice something.
"I thought the talent show was supposed to be free." Jerome said the gang notice the youngest club members, Cleveland and Adam, have unwittingly come up with $500, not realizing that their method for earning the money was not exactly honest.
"Look at all that money!" Petey said aloud.
"What's goin' on?" Joes asked them.
"We just put up the sign and people started payin' us." Cleveland explain what's going on as he reeve money.
"Cleveland, Adam, you're geniuses." Jerome said as he congratulates them.
"Th-a-a-anks!" Cleveland and Adam said.
"Look, how 'bout if I take over and give you guys a break?" Petey said as he tells them to take a break while he takes over.
"Otay!" Cleveland and Adam said as they relax while Petey takes over the stand.
"Hmm. Money, money." Petey said until somebody busted him wide open.
"Petey Griffin!" A voice said outload petey name.
"Miss Crabtree!" Petey said her name aloud as it reveals Miss Crabtree; his schoolteacher finds out about the scheme and confronts them.
"I would expect this from a four-year-old, but not from you!" Miss Crabtree said as she walks towards the table.
"Petey, tricking people out of their money is wrong. It's just like cheating on your homework." Miss Crabtree said as she puts the money in the jar while ripping Petey a new one.
"But I..." Petey said as he tries to get a word in but Miss Crabtree interrupts.
"What are we to do with all this money? We can't give it back to these people one by one." Miss Crabtree asked him on what are they going to do with all this money.
"Um, Miss Crabtree, I got a suggestion. What we could do is..." Petey said as he convinces her to donate the money to be given as first prize in the go-kart derby
"Interesting. Intriguing. I love it." Miss Crabtree said as she agrees to this plan while Petey hums and rubs his hand like a carton villain.
At the carnival talent show the day before the race, Jake once again tries to win achika back, this time through song, being that achika mentioned after she dumped him that the only thing she ever really missed about him was his voice.
Lois and achika also entered the show in a duet. Jake then requests the chance to perform for her and win her back.
However, Lois sabotages his attempts to serenade her by putting soap in his drinking water, causing him to burp out bubbles all throughout his song. As Jake walk away in disgrace until somebody stops him.
"Well, hello, Mr. Bubbles!" Petey said as he and gang saw what he did and they were not happy.
"That was the most disgusting display... of she-man woman-loving I've ever seen!" Petey said as he insults him right in his face and jake wasn't gonna take anymore.
"Don't talk to me, you Benedict Arnold! You... You Judas Priest! This is your entire fault!" Jake said, as he busted him on all the crap he did all week.
"My entire fault? You torched the clubhouse. And it's my entire fault?" Petey said as he is insult by Jake for him blaming him for the stuff he did. Until he notice something is missing.
"Say, you're supposed to be guarding the go-cart, you Muzak-warbling wimp!" Petey asking him on where is the go cart.
"Relax, you double-crossing mud-muncher! I parked it right over there!" Jake said as he takes them to the location of the cart but it was gone.
"It was right here!" Jake said as because of Jake's carelessness, Victor and Ernie the giant chicken eventually steal The Blur. Therefore, that now, in addition to having to rebuild the clubhouse, the boys need a new go-kart.
- well, where is it? Petey asked him on where is their go cart.
- Boy, you're messin' up left and right! Jerome said
That's it, you sissified tweety-bird! I wish I had a club to throw you out of! Petey said
- Me too! well, you sewage-swigging slimeball... if there still was a club, I'd quit! Jake said
- Good! Petey said
- Hmph! Jake said
As we see both Petey and Jake now had a falling out when the latter discovers the gang's "prank list"
Now we join both quagmire and peter at the malt shop to confess to Lois on what happened last light.
"Lois? There's something we got to tell you." Peter said.
"Yeah. We didn't stay in the haunted house. We're not brave. Quagmire said as he and peter feel shame.
"Oh, I've decided I don't care about bravery." Lois says that she no longer impressed by bravery.
"You don't?" Peter and Quagmire said together in question.
"No. I realized what I really like is smarts." Lois said as intelligence she likes. As she introduces Mort Goldman.
"Sorry I'm late, darling. I was checking my stool for blood." Mort Goldman said something gross.
"Mort Goldman!" Peter and Quagmire shouted aloud.
"He's so clever! Show them, Morty!" Lois said as he takes out a projector, which shows the ghost again, and they both flee in terror again as Lois gives mort a kiss.
"He got us again!" Peter said as he gets piss off by being scared again.
"This whole thing just shows both women and Mort are nothing but trouble!" Quagmire said out loud.
"You said it! Let's you and me get even with them for good!" Peter said as they swear to get even with mort and girls forever in disgust.
"And how!" Quagmire said as he agrees. But now petey realized that he lost his best friend and getting a girl to like him later on so he sit in front of his porch.
# I've had bad dreams #
# And too many times #
# To think that they #
# Don't mean much anymore #
# The fine times have gone #
# And left my sad heart #
# And friends #
# who once cared #
# Just walked out my door #
As we see, Jerome walks towards Jake house to talk to him.
"Go make up with him, Jake." Jerome said as he asked him to Petey.
"You guys have been friends since you were one. Jerome said as he tries to convince him to forgive petey.
"He started it!" Jake and petey said together as it sahows Jerome tries to convince them both to forgive each other while visiting them at different times.
"And you should finish it. You're a team, like Bert and Ernie... Superman and Clark Kent, Mille and Vanilla. At least go talk to him. What could it cost?" Jerome asked them on what will cost them to forgive each other.
"You mean, besides my dignity and pride?" Petey said his response.
"All I know is... you only make a once-in-a-lifetime buddy... once in a lifetime." Jerome said as both Jake and Petey toward each other house to see if any of them walks to talk.
# And too many times #
# To think that you #
# Could come back again #
# And love has no pride #
# when I call out your name #
"Is Petey home?" Jake asked Thelma Griffin from petey house.
"I'm sorry, Jake. Petey isn't here." Thelma Griffin said as we see Petey asking Jake's father, Frank Geo Mallque if Jake is home.
"I'm sorry, Petey. Jake's not here." Frank Geo Mallque said as he tell petey that his son is not here.
"Darn!" Petey said in disappointment as he walks away while we zoom in at jake as he said the same response.
"Darn!" Jake said in disappointment as he walks away to the only place that matter, the clubhouse.
# I'd give anything #
# To see you again #
"I thought I'd find you here." Petey said as he walk toward Jake, as he knew Jake would be here.
"I'm sorry I called you a double-crossing mud-muncher... and a sewage-swigging slimeball." Jake apologies to his friend for the insults.
"I'm sorry I called you a sissified tweety-bird... and a Muzak-warbling wimp." Petey apologies to his friend for the insults.
"I'm sorry I called you a barf-encrusted jumbo jerk." Jake said as his apologies to his friend for the insults.
"You didn't call me a barf-encrusted jumbo jerk." Petey said as he tells him that he did not call him that.
"Oh. I guess I was just thinking it." Jake said as he realized that he was think it at the time.
"I'm sorry about the fire." Jake said apologies to his friend for the fire.
"I'm sorry about messin' up... your picnic lunch with Darla. Maybe I am somewhat responsible for the fire too, a little." Petey said, as he is apologies to his friend for ruining his date. He maybe cause the fire as well.
"You know, Petey, I like girls. It might even get worse as I get older." Jake said as he explains that liking girls is a part of life.
"I know you like girls, Jake. The problem is that rules is rules." Petey said as he explain that the club rulers are absolute.
"But is woman-hating the important thing? I mean, couldn't we be a club cause we like something?" Jake said as he question the club.
"Hmm. Shoot! Without a clubhouse, we do not have a club." Petey said as the clubhouse is gone and they don't have a club now.
"Hey! You guys burned down a clubhouse, not a club!" Jerome said as he walk toward them.
"A club is buddies... who stick together, no matter what!" Quagmire said as he appear next to them with is response.
While every member comes towards them to cheer them up.
"Uh-huh!" Helena said in agreement.
"I just wish we could still enter the go-cart derby. But it's impossible." Jake said as he realized that they need a go cart for the derby but its impossible.
"Who says it is impossible? Every one of us, working together... Pal, that's all the possible we need!" Petey said as he realized that they have what they need to make a go-cart, friends. As They band together to build "Blur 2: The Sequel," and prior to race day.
"We need a hammer... and nails. A motor. we need a battery and a chassis... four axles and a wheel belt. Somebody get a supercharger. Go get it, guys!" Petey said as he give everyone instructions on what to get. Then they slip up to get part for the go-cart.
"Here, Petey." Jake said as they start on the go-cart as a line get start with a kid carry the part they need for the cart.
"Screwdriver." Petey asked as he works on the cart as a kid gives him a Screwdriver.
"Ratchet." Petey asked as he works on the cart as a kid gives him a Ratchet.
Now we join Cleveland and Adam with a wagon full of stuff with a garbage can. As it opens up to revel Helena inside the can.
"Hey, Uh-Huh, does it stink in there?" Cleveland asked Helena about the smell inside the trash container.
Uh-huh! Helena said her response
"Monkey wrench!" Petey asked as he works on the cart as the monkey gives him a Monkey wrench. As They finished together to build "Blur 2: The Sequel," and reach prior to race day.
"Ta-dum! Do us proud, buddy?" Petey said as he give the keys to Jake.
"You betcha!" Jake said, as he feels proud of this moment.
Petey and Jake reconcile their friendship and decide to ride in the two-seat go-kart together. They hope to win the prize money and the trophy, which is to be presented to the winners by A.J. Ferguson.
Now we join the gang at the Soap Box Derby go-kart race.
Hey, everybody! Don't forget! Following the go-cart derby, there will be a tiny tot bunny race at 3:30. Entrants must be five years and under. See you there! The announcer said.
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls... welcome to the 73rd annual go-cart derby! Hey, guys, get in your cars! we're ready to start! You there, the kid in the blue. Stop horsin' around. You're gonna break your neck." The announcer said as the racers got on their go-carts.
Meanwhile Jake and Petey notices victor and Ernie's cart as it was their original cart.
"How we gonna beat that?" Jake said in question.
"It looks like The Blur with a new paint job!" Petey said as he feel piss off from get his cart wreck by these losers aka victor and Ernie.
Meanwhile Cleveland and Adam walk toward the racetrack while sing.
# we're goin' to the race #
# we're goin' to win first place #
# And you have an ugly face #
'I don't have an ugly face. You have an ugly face!" Cleveland said in argument.
"You have an ugly face!" Adam said in argument.
"You have an ugly face!" Cleveland said in argument.
"Your mother has an ugly face!" Adam said in argument as they move the sign of of the checkpoints of the race.
Now back to the racetrack.
"The race course is marked with arrows... and it ends right back here where it started from.' The announcer said the rulers of the race.
"I wonder where A.J. Ferguson is." Jake asked on where is this famous racer.
"I don't know, but I can't wait to meet him." Petey said his response.
"Okay, guys, this is it. Fasten your seat belts. Well, well. Ms. Pewterschmidt. Nice of you to join us. The last car is finally is position." The announcer said as Lois and achika arrived.
"Well, if it isn't Lois. All the money in the world is no substitute for hard work and ingenuity." Petey brags about his cart.
"You lead a rich fantasy life." Lois said it sarcastically.
"Thank you. Petey said as he accept the complement.
"Moron." Lois said outload as Petey notice Jake doing something.
"What are you doing' with that? Petey asking as he notice Jake putting a handkerchief in the hood orderment.
"It's achika's handkerchief. All great knights ride into battle... wearing the colors of their lady fair." Jake said his speech which impresses her for Lois car.
"I'm not hearing this. I'm not hearing this." Petey said as he tries to ignore what Jake is saying.
Now we join Cleveland and Adam finally reach the track as Cleveland notice something in the audience.
"Hey, look! My mom's here!" Cleveland said as his point at her in the audience
"Whoopee." Adam said sarcastically as it show whoopee Goldberg playing Cleveland's mom while she does the hand sign and they do the hand sign back to her.
"The first racer to cross the finish line will receive... this genuine, gold-plated, cubic zirconium-encrusted trophy! As well as the prize of five hundred dollars! Gentlemen, start your engines! All right, ready. Steady. One, two, three, go!" the female announcer said as she start the race.
As Victor and Ernie, make several sneaky attempts to stop Jake and Petey from winning the race.
Meanwhile Lois and achika are also in the go-kart race, but they are eventually annoyed with each other, and Lois seemingly kicks achika out from his car midway through the race.
In a wild dash to the finish, and despite the many scrapes and crashes throughout the race. As achika's handkerchief fall off and land in Jake's face.
"Grab the wheel! Jake said as he get to the hood orderment
"Are you crazy? We got a finish line to cross!" Petey said as he argues with him.
"Not without this!" Jake said his statement, as he gets closer to the hood orderment.
"You're nuts!" Petey said as he is driving the cart.
"Whoa!" Jake said as he almost fall of the cart.
"Watch out! You're gonna fall!" Petey said as he worries for his friend.
"Aaaah! I am gonna fall off! Hold my feet! Aaaah! Aaaaaah!" Jake shouted in panic as they race toward the finish line.
"Grrrr!" Victor said as he tries to catch up with to the blur 2 and Lois's cart.
"Hold on! we're almost there!" Petey said aloud.
"The Blur 2" crosses the finish line ahead of the pack in a photo-finish between "The Blur" and "The Blur 2" literally by a hair, due to Jake's pointy hairstyle.
"Winner by a hair! Yes!" whoopee Goldberg said aloud.
"You did it, Alfalfa! You won!" Petey said as he hug him.
"We did it! All of us!" Jake said as they cheer together for their victory.
"Gentlemen, let's give Jake a big..."Spoley-oley"!" Quagmire said as they chanted Spoley-oley.
"Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley!"
"Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you..." Jake said his thanks to his club members.
"It ain't right! we go through all the trouble of stealing your racer... and you still win! Better brace yourself, because now I'm really gonna kick your butt!" victor and Ernie said as they are angry towards Jake because he won the trophy and the prize money. They attempt to beat him up.
"I'm usually a lover, not a fighter... but in your case I'm willin' to make an exception." Jake said as he finally stands up for himself and punches victor in the face, knocking him into a pool of pig slop.
"Pig puckey!" Victor said aloud in the pool of pig slop.
"Allow me!" Ernie said as he then gets scared and jumps into the slop willingly.
"Looking good, man." Jerome said as he like their new look.
"Yeah!" the gang said.
"Hey, there's the guy who risked his neck for us! I gotta admit, he turned out to be pretty okay, darn it. Put it there, pal." Petey said as he shake the hand of Lois's partner in the race.
"You're quite a gal. Us machismo types have a club... The He-Man woman-Haters Club." Petey said as he tries to get the girl in to the club until Jake pokes him.
"Jake, I'm extending a membership offer here. Now, what is it?" Petey said.
"That's not Lois!" Jake said as Lois come up within a limo all hurt because of the prank quagmire did off screen.
"You'll be hearing from my lawyers." Lois said crying inside the limo as it drives away.
"Then who's this guy who saved our butts?" Petey asked him.
"Hi, guys. what's up?" Achika said as she reveals herself to the gang.
"A girl! Ohh!" Petey said as he faint by this shocking development.
"Petey!" Jake said as he realized that it had been achika who had kicked Lois out of their car and finished the race alone because she found out that Lois was responsible for the bubbles at the talent show.
"Well, don't that beat all." Jerome said aloud.
Now we are in the stand of for the winners of the race.
"Now it gives me great pleasure to present this beautiful trophy... and the prize money...to Jake Mallque and Petey Griffin." The female announcer said the name of the winners
Is that a cowlick, or are you just glad to see me? The female announcer said as she kisses Jake in the cheek.
"Ah, the strong, silent type, eh?" The female announcer said as she sees Petey pout.
"Do not take this personal, lady, but my pal's real disappointed." Jake said as he explain why his friend is pouting.
"Ohh! What's the matter, sugar pie?" The female announcer asked them.
"Well, we were just kind of hoping' that... A.J. Ferguson was gonna give us the trophy." Jake explain to the women.
"Well, boys, today's your lucky day. Cause that's exactly who I am!" The female announcer said as Petey, meanwhile, is shocked at the trophy presentation when he finally meets his favorite driver, A.J. Ferguson, who turns out to be female.
"You are the best driver there is!" Petey said as he finally meet his hero.
"Well, thank you very much! You didn't do so bad yourself!" A.J. Ferguson said as she kisses him in the cheek.
"Say, let's even things up. How 'bout one on this side?" Petey asked her to kiss him on the other cheek.
"There ya go! what a great race!" A.J. Ferguson said as she kisses Petey on the other cheek.
Now we join the gang walk out of the fair with their trophy and prize money. Until achika shows up near them.
"I saw what you did to save my hanky, Jake. That was very heartwarming." Achika said
"And awfully romantically." Donna add that comment.
"Gee, thanks, but I thought you hated me." Jake said.
"I don't hate you. It's just sometimes you do mean things... like playing tricks on me at our picnic." Achika said, as she is sick of the tricks she thinks he pull.
"Uh, I can explain that. I wrecked your picnic with Jake. You see, I thought you was trying' to steal my best friend. I also thought you were trying' to sabotage our club. However, I think I was wrong. I'm sorry, you guys." Petey confesses to achika that he and the boys pulled the pranks on her at their picnic lunch, not Jake.
"My Jakenator!" Achika said as she in love again with Jake.
My delectable achikaooney! Jake said as he also wins back achika as she kiss him and he does wiggling ears.
After the clubhouse is rebuilt, the boys collectively reconsider towards membership and they decide to welcome achika as well as other girls into the club, adding a "Women Welcome" sign onto the front door.
"So, do you live around here?" Cleveland asked Donna.
"Yeah." Donna replied.
Now we join Adam asking a girl out.
"Do you like dolls?" Adam asked her.
" -mmm." The girl replied no.
"I do!" Carol Pewterschmidt reply.
"Say! Have we betrayed our ancestors? Have we trampled on the generations of honest woman-haters... who came before us?" Petey asked everyone in question of betraying his or her ancestor of woman haters.
"Nah-uh." Helena said as everyone in the club stopped.
"Huh? Hey, everybody! Uh-Huh's learned a new word!" Petey said aloud.
"Actually, I've always had a rather extensive vocabulary... not to mention a phenomenal grasp of grammar... and a superlative command of syntax. I simply chose not to employ them. Also I been female all this time since I might lose the only friends I ever knew." Helena said as she explain that she secretly possess a strong vocabulary, but chooses to simply reply to situations with her catchphrase.
"Ohhh-tay!" the gang reply in agreement as everyone kisses his or her girls.
"Well, I guess things just have to change sometimes." Petey said as Brian rolls his eyes in agreement.
35 years later
Both Jake and peter are still friends but, without the distraction of women hating, they have become incredibly wealthy.
"I say, Meg, it seems to me we've each made another $500 million." Frank said.
"Good thing your father change my father mind of swore off women so he wouldn't be distracted and unable to accumulate this vast amount of wealth." Meg said
"Yes. You watch the ticker. I'm gonna get ready for bed and have sex with you later in it." Frank said.
"All right then." Meg said in agreement.
The End
John and Tyler's Creative Writing shorts
Director: Chris Koch Writers: Gregory Thomas Garcia, Bobby Bowman
Re- Written and Re-Directed by Frank Mallque
I guess my favorite time in quahog is nighttime.
Lights out!
When it's dark and peaceful, you can almost feel like you're not stuck behind bars anymore.
Outside lights on!
Those are the best seven seconds of my day.
Roommates like to complain, of course, but we are not the only ones who can feel trapped.
Sometimes Tyler felt trapped in a job that conflicted with his kind and gentle nature.
As it shows Tyler, feels trapped in a crab-killing job that does not reflect his gentle.
Persephone sometimes felt trapped just by being too pretty.
"Is the Latina girl going to be walking to her car soon? Cause they're really strict about curfew at the halfway house." As Neil asked, Meg on where is here sister is. As Persephone's trapped by being too pretty
Chris sometimes felt trapped in his day-to-day life.
I wanted the baby one on the bottom. Chris said, as he did not get his prized as his hand trapped in the pickle jar.
And sometimes Meg felt trapped just taking care of her overactive kids.
"You two settle down. In addition, get Mama's thong off your head. You had pinkeye last week." Meg said as she trapped in motherhood.
However, I for one was about to get an escape.
"Prison Creative Writing. Creative writing is a wonderful way to escape from prison, in your imagination." The Creative writing teacher said as she explain to the class about it.
"It's a chance to free your mind, even if you're stuck behind walls and a five-point limb and torso restraint. Anyway, I want you, men, to create a story where you're the main character, and you can do absolutely anything." The Creative writing teacher said as she challenges her class to escape into their imagination. By writing a story about themselves, where they can do anything they want.
This tiny armored lady was actually getting me excited about writing, saying how the pen is mightier than the sword. Then someone used their pen as sword.
"Excuse me, Misses Teacher? I think Enrico might need a pass to the nurse's office." John said as he tells her that his classmate was stab by a pen.
Getting started on my creative writing project was harder than I expected. I always thought I had a good imagination, but, turns out, that was just my imagination.
"How do you spell "hematoma"?" sonny asked john.
"I do not know, Sonny. If you are going to make up words, just make up how to spell them." John reply his response.
"No, it is a real word. See, I am writing a story about me beating up a gymnast. I hate those people." Sonny said as he writes a story about beating up a gymnast, as he hated them.
"I wish I had an idea. I am trying to write but just drawing a blank." John said as he smashes another paper. As he cannot think what to write down.
"You are being too uptight, man. You have to just close your eyes and look inside your brain. You know, like when you are driving on meth." Sonny tells him to close his eyes as he is driving on meth, and enter his imagination.
I had never driven on meth before, but I have ridden shotgun plenty of times while someone else did and closing your eyes did help. Therefore, I gave it a shot.
"So this is my imagination. Cool. My story can be about me doing anything. Anything I can imagine." John said, as his imagination is very white.
"You could put me in your story. It worked for Sonny. Come on, hit Me." the annoying gymnast said, as he wants to help.
"Break my nose." The annoying gymnast asked john to hit him in the nose.
"That's Sonny's thing. Sweet of you, though. You can go now." John said no and asked him to leave.
"I can't leave unless you stop thinking about me." The annoying gymnast said his response.
"Right." John said as he tries to un-think about the annoying gymnast.
"You are thinking about me." The annoying gymnast said.
"Shut up!" John said as he out of his head scratch that paper.
"And that right there took me a little less than four and one half hours."
"Writing sounds cool. You could make a world where anything could happen. Like a guy all alone in a boat hunting a big, white whale." Chris said as he thinks writing sounds cool. As he, take a paper and they both started writing.
"Chris, Tyler, nobody's gonna want to read that." john said.
"That's okay. We got lots of ideas." Chris said as He and Tyler already living in a world of his own, and has many story ideas.
Chris and Tyler has been lost a lot, but never lost in thought. Suddenly, they were in a world of their own.
Chris and Tyler awesome adventure
Chris is a superhero in his story. His right hand is Tyler dress like H.R. Pufnstuf, and orangutan Richard is their driver. As he does one thousand pull ups in his room?
"What is next on my crime-fighter exercise schedule, H.R.?" Chris asked Tyler about his schedule.
"Golly, Chris, says here you do ten zillion jumping jacks." Tyler said what on the list
"Must be a light day." Chris said as the alarm goes off and the TV show john as their Commissioner.
"Afternoon, Chris, bad news." John said on the TV.
"Some sort of trouble, Commissioner?" Chris asked on what is happing.
"Frank's in trouble at the drunken clam." John replied.
"At the Crab Shack? Sounds like Frank's in trouble, we are on it. Now trouble's in trouble." Chris said as he face the forth wall.
"We'll need to get our driver. Hey, Richard, we're moving out." Chris said as he calls his orangutan, Richard who is their driver.
As they drive towards the drunken clam with badass music.
"Step on it, Richard." Tyler rely.
As they reach the drunken clam, it was guarded by a sumo guy with a bazooka and a puppet sniper.
"Sumo guy with a bazooka. That is too easy. It must be a trap." Chris said as he notice that this place is trap.
"Look out, team. Puppet sniper, 10:00. I'll use my X-ray vision to check on Frank." Chris said as he used his X-RAY vision to see inside as it show the Evil Mr. Horn has kidnapped Frank and Sam, and is holding them inside the clam.
"Stop your shaking in fear, Frank. Your brother will save us soon. He's strong and fearless and bad to the bone." Sam said.
"He'll never get in. These walls are rock solid metal." The Evil Mr. Horn said.
"The situation is hopeless. No one can save us now. Since we are going to die, I should tell you this is actually Chris's whiskers. He lets me wear them on my cheeks." Frank said as he looks down to see a tiny Chris and Tyler.
"Sam, Look!" Frank said as he point them out.
"How did you get in here?" Sam asked them.
"Dr. Shrinker shrunk us and we crawled under the door." Chris said as he explain on why he shrinks himself to break in.
"Unshrink." Chris said as his watch unshrink them.
"Unshrinking." The voice of his watch said as Chris and Tyler grown back to normal size.
"We're here for two things: to kick some ass and drink some beers." Chris said his catch farce.
"Get him, you fools." The Evil Mr. Horn said.
As Chris and Tyler does battle with a bunch of ninjas
"Did you see that one?" Sam asked frank about the battle.
"Eat my tail, ninjas." Tyler said as he trips the ninja with his tail. Then Chris smash threw a safe and then he donated the cash to the poor.
"Get back in there, you loser. Fight!" The Evil Mr. Horn said as a ninja tries to rush Chris until Tyler throw banana peel on the floor and the ninja tripped. Chris gives Tyler the thumbs up.
"Booyah, Chris." Tyler shouted.
"Game over." Chris said as he grabs one of the ninjas to unmask Connie.
"Go ahead, finish me off." Connie said as she give up.
"I'd never hurt a lady. He would never hurt a lady." Chris said until Chris breaks Connie's neck.
"Lucky for me, you're no lady." Chris said as Lucky for him she is not a woman.
"You're the best, Chris. Sam said as she kisses him on the cheek.
"I know." Chris said.
You ruined everything, Chris. The Evil Mr. Horn shouted at his defeat.
"I don't ruin things. I make them rock!" Chris said as he turns on the jut box like The Fonz and everyone was dancing with cheerleaders.
"Thanks, bro. You've done it again. Can I have some money for the claw machine?" Frank said as he thanks him and asks him for some money for the claw machine.
"Aw Frank." Chris said as he hand him a quarter.
The end
"You wrote all this in one night?" John asked them after reading their story.
"I even drew a poster in case Hollywood wants to make it into a movie." Chris said as he show trhem a movie of themselves.
"Well, the doctor always said you were borderline artistic." John replied.
"I think we are all the way artistic now. We are gonna go hang it in the break room." Tyler said as he and Chris rush out of the room.
Considering Chris only uses a 17-letter alphabet and Tyler not having the rest of his memories, I was surprised they could write a story better than I could. Therefore, I decided I would try again.
"Something interesting. Think of something interesting." John said as he is back inside his head.
"Just so you know, I've been all over this place, and there's nothing else here but me." The annoying gymnast Said as he is the only thing there is, who will not leave until John stops thinking about him.
"Go away; nobody's interested in a story about a gymnast." John shouted.
"Apparently you've never seen profiles in Courage: The Kerri Strug Story." The annoying gymnast said something random.
"No, I haven't." John replied.
"Then how'd you make me say it? The annoying gymnast asked him on how he knew about it.
"Okay, fine, I saw it, it made me cry. Are you happy now, you son of a bitch? Damn." John said as he ripples his paper again.
It was five days and I still could not think of anything to write. Seemed like everybody had an imagination except me.
As we zoom on Meg and she is having trouble with the boys.
"Boys, clean up this mess! It looks like a toy store took a dump in here.
"I know what will cheer you up. Writing a story. You should do it." Chris suggests that she write a story to cheer herself up.
"Here's a story: "Once upon a time, Randy, shut up. The end. Had a slow start, but I liked the middle." Meg
"Y'all didn't do your homework yet? I want homework done, TV off, and y'all in bed by midnight. I'm not raising any Nathanville trash." Meg
"I hate homework. I hate homework. It's stupid.I don't like it." Both Frank Jr and Stewie said their compalints.
Meg's son and bay brother hated everything from homework to baths. So Meg decided to go to the only place where kids couldn't complain her imagination.
Meg tells the frightened boys a story.
Meg's Quick Your bitchen!
"Once upon a long, long time ago, pretty far away, there were two little brats who I loved, but I still wanted to wring their necks. Moreover, a mom with the class of Princess Diana and the body of a porn star.
"You're mean; you make us do homework which is yucky." Both Frank Jr and Stewie said their complaints.
"Don't you talk in unison to me? You think I am mean. Mean is not being able to drink daiquiris for 9 months and still having your kids come out lazy-brained." Meg tells them off.
"Now let me show you something about homework. Let's go." Meg said as she takes the boys on a journey while flying.
Which shows a hot mother flies the boys through the air.
Once a little boy like you two never ever studied.
The scene shows Where meet someone who did not do their homework, a giant dummy, who looks just like John. Until she stops half way to punch a crow.
"I hate crows." Meg said.
In addition, that boy who did not do his homework grew up to be a giant dummy.
"Hey, giant dummy. If a train leaves a station at 60 miles an hour and you're a quarter mile away, how long do you have to get your hairy ass off the track?" She asks John a math question
"Crud, man, that is a toughie. A quarter's 25 cents "I" before "E" equals an hour and a half. Moreover, I have 80 minutes to kill." John said as then scene change to him Standing on the railroad tracks.
As John gets it wrong and a train smashes him. His bloody head pops off and the kids scream.
"Well, he got the kill part right. Anyway, that is why I make you do your homework. So quit you're bitchin'." Meg said.
"Yeah, quit your bitchin'." John's head said aloud.
"Shut up, I got this. Let's go." Meg said as she kicks the head away.
As she takes the boys to visit THE NEXT GUY.
Y'all hate bath time? Once there was a lazy slob who wouldn't take a bath.
Which was A big slob, who looks just like chris.
He got so nasty and sweaty that moss grew on him.
Then the moss got sticky, and all his snack crumbs stuck to it.
Then mice came, and the nasty slob said Shoo, mice.
But the mice couldn't shoo because they were too stuck to the damn slob.
Then all the mess of the slob's filthy house stuck to the slob.
I hate myself! Then cars and trees and buildings stuck to the slob.
And then sure as poo on your shoe, everything stuck to the slob.
Mountains stuck to him, Canada stuck to him.
And the slob-clump got so heavy that he fell clear off the Earth, and fell all the way through space until he landed on God's desk where God squished him with his coffee mug.
As the scene show that, He was so nasty that moss grows on him, and things start sticking to him. First crumbs, then mice, then cars and buildings, Canada, etc., until he gets so heavy he falls off the Earth onto God's desk. God squishes Randy with his coffee cup.
"God loves everybody, but I mean, come on." Meg reply.
"Looking good, there, Meg." God said as he flirts with her.
"Just using what you gave me, G." Meg said as she takes her boys home.
Moreover, they went back to their house and lived happily ever after.
The End
" Okay, you two, clean up and go to bed, and remember, if you don't listen to what I say, God will kill you." Meg tells the frightened boys the moral of the story, listen to what she says or God will kill them as they rush toward their room with the message.
"While I disagree with your view of a conventional anthropomorphic God, I respect you using that myth to discipline them rascally boys." Frank said as he resect her for finally putting those boys in their place.
"I am a creative being, Frank. Think about all that stuff I yell at the movie screen, all those great Mad Libs I have done. The purple Christina Aguilera flew into…" Meg said.
"The horny Carol Burnett." Both Frank and Meg said the last part.
"That was a fun anniversary." Frank said.
Apparently, all my friends were more creative than I was; cause even Tyler and Brian was able to work out some issues by putting pen to paper.
Brain and Tyler's Please respect the meat!
As Brian and Tyler writes a song to help them cope with the horror of killing crabs.
Brian
My sweet animal brother Please forgive our sin
Tyler
Food source with a mother where do we begin?
Brian
To explain how our heart toils justifying that you boil? Leftovers we wrap in foil America burns too much oil
Tyler
Got to stay focused.
Tyler
When we make our dirty dollar, we have heard the sound
Chris
Wait for it. It's heavy.
Brian and Tyler
Of a crab who hiss and hollers as he's drowning down
Tyler
That crab fritter you see frying was once a critter I sent dying I wanna be a quitter, and I'm sure trying
Brian
Cause both he and I are cook who can't stop crying!
Tyler
I'm not saying what to eat Have a shish kebab or piggy feet But honor he who feels the heat Please respect the meat
Frank Jr and Frank
We wanna say thank you, thank you from the nation To the people with claws, crustaceans And to the other animals whose location will end up in our draws, mastication. Meg
Meg
It's not selfish, it is quite valid to hope that shellfish get their own mallets And you might well wish you ordered salad When a crab whups your ass, Darnell kick your ballad
Tyler
It's no crime to sell a ton of murdered exoskeletons No one cried when he got fried because he walks from side to side
All
Chiga, chiga, chiga, chiga -PINCH! Chiga, chiga, chiga, chiga -PINCH!
Chris, doing Barry White voice
Baby, I tried to stay away from you You know, tried seeing other foods Broccoli, tofu, I even dipped it in butter But it's not you
Tyler
I'm not saying what to eat Life is short and life is sweet and meat is life so I repeat Please respect the meat
(Digest slowly)
Please respect the meat
(Even in Crete)
Please respect the meat
Ooooooommmmmm.
As the last scene show Tyler and Brian boiling the crab as it scream in the pot. Now we join Persephone reading the song.
"Brian, these lyrics are so beautiful and moving." Persephone said as she smash the crab so she can eat its insides.
"So that's what Joey looks like on the inside." Tyler said as he remember what he did.
"You should probably stop naming them. That is what my friend's family did with the children in her old village after the military took over." Persephone said.
"Damn, you've got some crazy stories. You ever think about writing them down?" Tyler said
"I wish I could write, but with my two jobs, when will I find the time?" Persephone said as she Just want to take her to dinner.
"Turns out, she found time to take a stab at writing that very night." As she still hide behind the door.
Persephone, Woman of a Thousand Tears.
As Persephone writes her, own Latin soap opera, "Persephone, Woman of 1000 Tears"
Presenta en una historia original de Persephone Griffin…
As then scene shows Persephone loving a handsome man then walking in a forest with a candled light in hand.
El regress a la TV de la primera actriz, Persephone Griffin como Persephone Griffin
Then it show Persephone praying to god as a nun then it show her crying at John dead body as she is his widow.
En Persephone, Women of a thousand tears.
Now the scene show Persephone crying as she enters the drunken clam. Both Frank and Chris came toward her to convert her.
"Persephone, why are you crying?" Frank asked her in a Spanish accent.
"Yes as of tomorrow, you marry the richest man in all of Latin America." Chris said to her in a Spanish accent.
"It is a tear of relief, christopher, because tonight is the last time I will be forced into dancing by my brother's kidnappers. I will finally have enough money to pay for his freedom." Persephone said as she risks it all. She has to spend one more night stripping in order to free her kidnapped brother.
"Hola, Chrurroman." Frank said hello to Tyler who sells churros.
"Hola, Francisco. Persephone, these churros are in honor of your wedding. Tyler said as he said hello to Frank and Give Persephone her wedding gift.
"Now I have tears of gratitude, Tylerlando. I will eat them tomorrow after I marry Javier and lose my virginity to him, which will happen tomorrow, because that is when he will arrive into town." Persephone said as it is on the eve of her wedding to rich Javier.
Until Javier, arrivers and he is John in this story while wearing a white tuxedo with a white fedora. Persephone spots him and hide behind Frank.
"He can't see me in this outfit. If he knows I dance in front of other men, it will break his heart, and he will call off the wedding. Now I cry tears for fears." Persephone said, as she fears to risks it all. If Javier finds out, she will lose him.
"Quick. You can use the back door. Your secret is safe. Andale." Frank said as he points her towards the back
"It is not safe with me. She will suffer for being prettier than I. hahahahahah!" Connie said as she tips off Javier.
"Don't worry, my brother. After this last dance, you will be free." Persephone said as she dances around the pole like a whore for his brother's freedom.
When John comes in as he sees Persephone dancing, he leaves, but she runs after him
"I wanted to tell you the truth." Persephone said
"The truth is you're a cheap tramp." John said in anger.
"But there is a reason for my actions. I dance to pay the ransom for my kidnapped brother. They cut off both his big toes. He can never wear flip-flop sandals again." she explain that she was just trying to free her brother.
"Why did you not tell me? I'm very wealthy from my flip-flop factory." John said.
"Because of the irony. I am not interested in your money. I am only interested in your heart." Persephone said, as she did not tell him because she's not interested in his money, only his heart.
"I guess dancing is not that bad At least you were not a maid in a hotel. Numero uno in our hearts, numero uno in your stomach." John said as he forgives her while kissing her on the lips.
"For the first time in my life, I cry tears of happiness." Persephone said, as she is finally able to cry tears of happiness for the first time.
Persephone, Woman of a Thousand Tears.
FIN
Even Persephone, who could not think of a more creative stripper name than Persephone, was more creative than I was. Not so all night I banged my head thinking of a story about me that would suck. I even used other people's stuff, but nothing I came up with felt right. John tries everything to write a story, even using everyone else's stories. However, nothing works, and ultimately God squishes him with his coffee cup.
"How many?" john asked as he trues pull ups.
"Golly, John, you're still at zero." H.R. Pufnstuf said.
"You can do this." John said as he does a crying scene then does the pitching stuff from Brain and Tyler stories.
Just think of some sort of the next day, I still had nothing exciting to read aloud, so I gave up trying to imagine something interesting or cool. I just wrote down the only things I could actually picture in my head. Nothing big, just regular stuff. However, stuff made me happy. Moreover, suddenly, the words were flowing. It was great. Everybody can feel trapped sometimes in his or her everyday lives. However, when you lose your everyday life, well, that can sometimes become your best fantasy.
Finally, John decides to stop trying to write something cool, and just write about regular stuff, like hanging out with the gang at the Crab Shack.
Suddenly the words flow. Then he realized that everyone can feel trapped in his or her everyday life, but when you are in jail, everyday life is the best fantasy of all.
"And that's what I would do if I could do anything in the world." John said his story as The class loves John's story.
I didn't think it was gonna be that great, but people seemed to like it.
"Tell again the part about how the wings tasted. "Sonny asked John to read the part about how the chicken wings tasted again.
"Sure. The wings were not hot, but spicy. And the celery was warm and bendy like I like it." John reply.
The class listen to John's story and gives him a standing ovation.
Chapter ended
I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also Doc X me if you want to help with scenes for next chapter because I need the ideas.
