Chapter 50: When You Wish Upon a Weinstein
Opening Credits
It seems today that all ya see
Is violence in movies and sex on TV
But where are those good, old-fashioned values
On which we used to rely
Lucky there's a Family Guy!
Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh n' Cry
He's
a
Fam
-ily
Guy!
End
Now we join Peter, Frank and Chris in the living room, while Chris is doing his homework.
"Dad, can you help me with my math? Mr. Shackleford says if I don't learn it, I won't function in the real world." Chris asked his father for help on his homework as he starts a cutaway.
Cutaway
We see Chris at a gas station with a hillbilly.
"What you gotta do is go down the road past the old Johnson place. You're gonna find two roads, one parallel and one perpendicular. Keep going until you come to a highway that bisects it at a 45 degree angle. Solve for x" the hillbilly challenged as Chris lies down on the ground sucking on a thumb.
Cutaway Ends
"Math. Math, my dear brother, is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology." Frank said as he insure him that everything is fine.
Until they hear a Knocking on the front door. When he open it show Jim Kaplan that car seller from season 2 of "There's Something About Paulie".
"Hello, sir." Jim Kaplan said hello to Frank and Peter.
"Enough with the foreplay, sailor. What are you selling?" Frank interrupts him on his bit so he ask him about what he is selling.
"Well, I was gonna try to sell you some "handsome cream" but I can see you already bought out the store!" Jim Kaplan said as he comment them on their handsomeness.
"Go on." Peter said.
"Perhaps you'd be interested in something every homeowner cannot be without. Volcano insurance!" Jim Kaplan said as he tells them that he sells volcano insurances.
"Go on." Frank said as he ask him to continue.
"According to my uncle-who's a real whiz with volcanoes-a volcano is coming this way!" Jim Kaplan said
"I, too, have an uncle." Peter thinking that he too has an uncle.
"Come in." Frank said as he lets him right inside the house. Now they are in the kitchen discussing about the volcanos.
"How much is this volcano insurance?" Peter asking how much money does this volcano insurance cost.
"Uh, I don't know. Let's say, $200." Jim Kaplan said the prize which is outrageous.
"$200? That's more than I spent on all that handsome cream." Peter said as he brought all that handsome cream before.
"We don't have that kind of money!" Frank said about they don't have that kind of money.
"What about that jar of money?" Jim Kaplan said as he points at the money jar on top of the refrigerator.
"No way! That's Lois' rainy day fund." Peter explain that that jar of money cannot be used.
"Ah, come on, it never rains in Rhode Island." Jim Kaplan said that they can used the money.
Yeah, but I'm pretty sure we've never had a volcano either. Peter said he response and they don't think these guy legit.
"Well, don't you think we're overdue for one?" Jim Kaplan said something that shut up peter.
"Touché, salesman." Peter said as he gives Lois' "rainy day fund" to a scam artist selling volcano insurance. While Frank face palm himself as peter is going to get in trouble with Lois.
Now we cut to Lois and Meg tucking in Frank Jr and stewie in his crib, while John, Tyler, and Persephone looking down on them.
Stewie was snoring, then gasping awake
"Ah! What the hell are you doing?" Stewie asked them
"She watching you sleep, cutie pie." Meg said as he tucks Frank Jr in his bed.
"Why you sick, sick little moo cows. Well, you shall watch no more!" Stewie said as he smashes Tyler's glasses because he hates being watched while he sleeps.
"Stewie!" Lois said as she see what happened which woke up Frank Jr and he is piss off.
"My glasses! I can't see a thing without my glasses!" Tyler said as he try to look around but everything he see is blurring.
"Why won't you let him get laser surgery, Mom?" Persephone ask her mother since this might happened again.
"Because I don't think it's safe." Lois said as she sets up a cutaway.
Cutaway
The scene shifts to the Millennium Falcon, where Luke Skywalker is using his light saber for eye surgery.
"Okay, I just need to make a quick incision here and we should be all done, Mrs. Wilson" Luke said.
"Luke, use the Force" Obi-Wan Kenobi suggested.
"Really? Cause I was just gonna make..." Luke commented.
"Use-use the Force" Obi-Wan ordered.
"Okay!" Luke complied as he picks up his light saber with the Force, then stabs Mrs. Wilson through her eye as she screams.
"Are you happy?" Luke angrily asked.
"I've never been happy" Obi-Wan answered.
Cutaway Ends
"Don't worry, honey. We'll get you a new pair tomorrow." Lois said as she hug Tyler to calm him down and promise him to buy him some new glasses.
"In the meantime, here's a little vision test. What is this? A poopie or a Toblerone?" Stewie said as he is holding something in his hand which could be a poopie or a Toblerone? Until Frank Jr swing chin music him out of his crib.
"It's a Toblerone, Tyler!" Frank Jr reply as he hands over the candy to Tyler. He then eats it with a smile on his face for the candy and getting even with stewie.
Meanwhile Frank, Brian, Frank Jr and Peter were watching TV in the living room.
"We now return to "Girlfriends" on Lifetime." Announcer said as the show starts with two women eat a tube of ice cream.
"Barry was over last night." Woman 1 said.
"Don't tell me." Woman 2 said as she know something happen.
"He left the toilet seat up!" BOTH said out loud.
The Audience laughing at their joke.
"Oh, I ran into Frank. It's funny. He fought in Vietnam, he's an exorcist, but there is one thing that terrifies him." Woman 1 said as she explains about thing that Frank did until she said what he is afraid of.
"Commitment!" BOTH said out loud.
As the Audience laughing again at their joke.
"Oh, Midge, you're my third best friend in the whole world." Woman 1 said as she tells her she is her third best friend.
"Third? Who are the first two?" Woman 2 asked her on who are the first two.
"Ben and Jerry." Woman 1 said as she and women 2 both laugh at their show as it fade top black to show the title of the show.
As the Audience laughing again for the last time.
"Lifetime, television for idiots." Announcer said as this show making fun of female stereotypes and calling the channel "Lifetime: Television for Idiots."
As Lois, John, Tyler, Meg and Persephone came by to ask something.
Peter, did you take the money from the family jar? Lois asked peter on where is the money form the jar on top of the refrigerator.
"Who, me? Yes, me. Couldn't be. Then who?" Peter said as he tries to change the conversation.
"Yeah, he did it. He bought us volcano insurance". Frank spilled the bean while peter grumbles on Frank for telling the truth.
"Volcano insurance? That's ridiculous." Lois said.
"That's the same thing you said when you talked me out of cloud insurance." Peter said as we see Frank Jr walking toward the window looking at the clouds.
"Look at them up there just plotting', picking' their moment." Frank Jr said as he spy on the clouds.
Meanwhile in the sky, the cloud plot their attack on the surface world.
"So, Bill. We attack tomorrow." Cloud 1 said that they are going to attack tomorrow.
"Yes, tomorrow." Cloud 2 said he response in agreement.
"I mean it this time." Cloud 1 said as he means it this time.
"I do, too!" Cloud 2 said in agreement.
Now we are back at the living room with Peter and Lois.
"That was our emergency money and Tyler needs a new pair of glasses." Lois said as she show Peter that Tyler need glasses.
"Lois, no one really needs glasses." Peter said his response.
"You wear glasses." John said as he points out that Peter is wearing Glasses right now.
That's only to fool the man from the draft board. Peter said as he explain that he wears glasses to keep man from find out his secrets.
"I can't believe you squandered that money! I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm married to a child." Lois said as she sets up cutaway from her past.
Cutaway
The scene shifts to Peter's and Lois' wedding reception.
"What can I say about my beautiful bride except milk, milk, lemonade. Around the corner, fudge is made!" Peter chanted as he made a stupid laugh.
The wedding guests look at them with jaws dropped to the ground.
While Jake just laugh at the Joke since he know what Lois did in her past and he love it.
Cutaway Ends
"You better watch who you call a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, then you know what that makes you? A pedophile! And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert!" Peter said as he leave in a huff with Frank Jr in his arms. While Frank, John and a blind Tyler follow him.
At the Drunken Clam, we join peter as he depressed by his financial woes to Cleveland, Menma and Negi.
"Can you believe it, Cleveland? Lois thinks I'm bad with money." Peter said as he explain what happen in his house.
"She's got a point, Peter." Cleveland said as he agrees with Lois with Peter being bad with money.
"You're the white version of a black guy who's not good with his money." Menma said as he make fun of Peter being a white version of a black guy who's not good with his money.
As Quagmire came in with a wad of cashes and a happy face.
"Hey, guys and dolls! Drinks are on do-re-me!" Quagmire said as he slams wad of cash on bar.
"Where'd you get that?" Frank Jr asked him on where he get that wad of cash.
"This loot's thanks to my stockbroker, lan Greenstein. He made some smart investments that really paid off. That guy is to money what Miss Ann-Margaret is to EE-ER-EE-ER AAA." Quagmire said as he makes squeaky bed noises; then chair collapses.
"Let us buy the drinks, Quagmire. Our family's accountant, Larry Rosenblat, just got me a huge tax refund and tickets to "Bring In 'Da Noise, Bring In 'Da Funk"." Negi explain as he takes out cash from his wallet.
"The noise was good, but I thought they phoned in a lot of the funk." Cleveland said as he complains that there was a lack in funk in "Bring in 'Da Noise, Bring in 'Da Funk".
"Wait a second. Rosenblat? Greenstein? So I need a Jewish guy to handle my money?" Peter said as he, Frank Jr and the boys were interested when Quagmire and Cleveland describe great financial successes attained after hiring men with Jewish-sounding names and decides that they needs a Jew to handle his money.
"Peter, not every Jewish person is good with money." Cleveland said.
"Well, yeah, I guess not the retarded ones. But why would you even say that? For shock value? Jeez, Cleveland, there's "edgy" and there's "offensive." Good day, sir!" Peter said as he, Frank Jr and the boys leave in a huff to their home.
Meanwhile at the Mallque/Griffin House, Lois is on the phone as Frank Jr listens in on her.
"Mother, you know how I hate asking for money, but...Mother, Peter's an excellent provider...No, Mother, I do not think I'd be better off married to a chimp...I don't care how well that chimp across the street is doing...Really?...Well, yeah, okay. I guess you can tell him I said hi. But don't make me sound desperate!" Lois said as she asked her mother on lending her a loan.
"We gotta get a Greenstein or a Rosenblat of our very own." Frank Jr said as he and Peter watch the sky threw their window while they sing a song.
Frank Jr
Nothing else has worked so far
So I'll wish upon a star
Wondrous dancing speck of light
We need a Jew...
Peter
Lois makes me take the rap
Cause our checkbook looks like crap
Since I can't give her a slap
We need a Jew...
John and Tyler
Where to find
A Baum or Stien or Stein
To teach us how to whine
And do Mr. Griffin's taxes...
As UFO whirring, as it becomes giant dreidel. Then John and Tyler jump on the dreidel and they float toward the heavens until they fall on the handles of a giant Menorah. While Adventurous instrumental music playing in the background.
Peter, Frank Jr, John and Tyler
Though by many they're abhorred
Hebrew people we've adored
Even though they killed our lord*
We need a Jew!
As we see Peter and Frank Jr and the boys praying on a star until they were sleep in the living room from sing the song all night.
Until they hear Knocking on the front door, as Frank Jr answer the door to reveal a Jewish man named Max Weinstein has car trouble outside the Griffin house.
"Hi. My name's Max Weinstein. My car just broke down. May I use your phone?" Max Weinstein said as he asked to use their phone.
Peter
Now our troubles are all through
We have a Jew!
"Hey!" Max Weinstein shouted by that remake as the scene fades to black.
Now we join Max Weinstein calling someone as Peter and Frank Jr look in awe of him.
"We prayed for you, Max Weinstein, and here you are." Peter said as Frank Jr nod to that response.
"Okay. Listen, uh, thanks for letting me use the phone." Max Weinstein said
"Thanks for Spaceballs." Frank Jr said out loud which made Max Weinstein nerves.
If there's anything I can do for you... Max Weinstein said as he walk toward the door.
"You can't leave!" Peter said as Max Weinstein freaky out and ran out while peter and Frank Jr chase him threw out town.
As Dramatic instrumental music plays in the background the foot-chase continued until Frank Jr jump Max Weinstein on to the ground.
"What do you want?" Max Weinstein asked them
"Financial advice." Frank Jr said as he asked him for help.
Financial advice? How the Hell did you know I'm an accountant? Max Weinstein asked them.
"Hello! Max Weinstein?" Frank Jr said as he tells him that he is Jewish and it's his thing.
Now we join them at the quahog insurance to get Lois's money back.
"Look, I'll do what I can, but I don't know why you think I can get your money back." Max Weinstein said as he agree to help but he thinks it might not work.
"Max, Max, Max-let's not deny our heritages. You're Jewish, you're good with money. I'm Irish, I drink, and I ban homosexuals from marching in my parade. Now, help me get my money back." Peter said as they enter the building while surprising Jim Kaplan.
"Oh, it's you." Jim Kaplan said Stammering while Frank Jr point at him like the evil monkey in Chris's closet.
"I'm not in right now. Please leave a message. Beep!" Jim Kaplan said as he pretend to be answering machine and asked to leave a message.
"Man, I hate these things. Yeah, hi, this is Peter Griffin. I'm sorry I missed you-" Peter said until max interrupts him.
"Play with this, grandpa while Max Weinstein do his thing." Frank Jr said as he give peter a yo-yo to play with, while letting max do his thing.
"Sir, I have reviewed this contract, and it offers no coverage at all. It just says volcano insurance over and over again and down here in small print it says, He's signing it. He's signing it. I can't believe it." Max Weinstein said as he does his job.
"So? Jim Kaplan said in response.
"Refund his money and we'll go." Max Weinstein said.
"I don't have your money!" Jim Kaplan lied.
"How about that money?" Max Weinstein said as his point at the jar of money on top of cabinet.
"No way! That's Lois' rainy day fund!" Jim Kaplan stop have way since he expose his scam.
"...Damn it!" Jim Kaplan said as Frank Jr snaps at him al smug like a black women.
Now we join Lois, John, a blind Tyler and Brian watching Seinfeld as a Laugh track on TV. Where George and Jerry are conversing and repeating themselves, which is a common theme in the show.
"You couldn't date her because she was a tickler." Jerry Seinfeld said
"A tickler." George Costanza said
"You're not a stickler for a tickler." Jerry Seinfeld asked him.
"Not a stickler for a tickler." George Costanza said
"Not a tickler stickler." Jerry Seinfeld said
"Not a tickler stickler." George Costanza said
As Both George Costanza and Jerry Seinfeld were Absurd babbling. Now back to the living room as John and Tyler had had it with this show as they enter inside the couch with Brian following them.
"Where the hell is the remote?" Brian asked John and Tyler as he look for the remote from inside the couch. Then Peter and Frank Jr came in with Max Weinstein.
"Hey, honey, guess what? I got back the money for Tyler's glasses." Peter said
"Really? Oh, honey! Hello." Lois said as she notice Max Weinstein.
"This is our special friend, Max Weinstein. He's Jewish." Frank Jr said as he introduce Max to the family.
"Oh my, how exotic." Lois said.
"Thank you?" Max Weinstein reply to Lois response as he feel awkward.
"See, here's your rainy day money and Grandpa balanced our checkbook, too." Frank Jr said as he pass Lois her money and explain that Peter balance their checkbook.
"You balanced our checkbook?" John asked in shocked on what peter did while making a cartoon noise.
"Yep. Isn't that right, Max?" Peter said as look at max for support.
"Yeah, sure. He did it." Max Weinstein said sarcastically.
"I'll going to go call my mother right now and tell her to tell that chimp across the street, ooohohohaahaha!" Lois said while make shrieks like a chimpanzee as she leave to call her mother.
"Look how low I've sunk-taking credit for something a smart Jewish person did." Peter said as he feel guilty for taking credit for Max's work.
"That's okay, Peter." Max Weinstein said as he tries to make peter feel better.
"No. People have been doing that for too damn long." Peter said as he makes a cutaway.
Cutaway
The scene shifts to a civil rights rally.
"It is the white devil that has propagated, exacerbated, instigated, instigated... Line!" the civil rights speaker asked Woody Allen.
"'Instigated our hatred like a Buick.' What was I thinking when I agreed to this? This is so degrading. This is worse than the time I was at the Friars' Club and Soon-Yi's retainer fell out of my pants" Woody Allen told himself.
Cutaway Ends
Now we join the Mallque/Griffin Family eating marshmallow and fish casserole.
"Lois, I appreciate the marshmallow and fish casserole, but I'm sorry, I can't eat this." Max Weinstein said as he thanks for the food but he can't eat it.
"Oh, because it's not kosher." Lois said as she didn't do it right as both Frank and Max look at the food then at Lois.
"Yeah, let's go with that." Frank said as he finish talking.
"Can Stewie, Frank Jr and me be excused? He's gonna help me with my math homework." Chris said
Chris, they are just babies. Lois said as she doesn't know about them being smart.
"Oh, and you're a regular Rhodes scholar." Stewie said as he insulted by Lois.
"Where was it you graduated from again?" Frank Jr said as he asked Lois on where she graduate.
"The University of Duh?" Stewie and Frank Jr said together as they mock Lois.
"I can help you with your homework, son." Max Weinstein said
"My God! Is there nothing you people can't do? I mean, y'know, other than manual labor." Peter said as he is impress by max's talent then said something stupid.
"Peter, what a ridiculous thing to say! They built the pyramids." John said as he remind him that the Jew made the pyramids.
"You'll have to excuse Peter. He can be a little tactless sometimes." Lois said as she explains that peter is tactless.
"Yes, like the time he soiled himself at that dinner party?" Brian said as he sets up a cutaway.
Cutaway
The scene shifts to a dinner party with Peter, Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, Lois, a woman, and two men.
"I was so sorry to hear that your father passed away" Lois apologized.
"Yes. It spread through his body so fast. But he's at peace now and the whole..." the woman said.
"Uh-oh!" Peter shouted as he soils himself as everyone looks at him.
"Spaghetti-ohs!" Frank Jr shouted as he too soils himself as well.
Cutaway Ends
Now we join the family at the couch from eat their dinner.
"Well, there's only one thing that'll top a great dinner like that. Operation!" Peter said as he brings out the board game operation.
May I play? Lois said as she come from the back of the couch.
"Mom/Grandma!" Kids and Frank Jr said as john and Tyler start to dress up like doctors.
"Where is the patient?" Tyler said.
"Thank you, but I can't stay. It's Friday, I've got to go to Temple." Max Weinstein said as he go towards the door since he has temple on Fridays.
"Temple? Like Indiana Jones?" Peter said as he set up a cutaway
Cutaway
The scene shifts to the forgotten temple scene from the beginning of 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'. We see Indiana Jones dawdling over picking up the idol as suspenseful music is playing in the background.
"Will you just pick it up already!?" Ralph Kramden from The Honeymooners shouted.
Cutaway Ends
Now we join the Mallque/Griffin family at Temple Beth Thupporting Actor.
"They better not be expecting us to give money 'cause I already gave at church last Sunday, and I'm pretty sure it all goes to the same God." Peter said as he warns max that he is not paying again since he already did in his church.
"Peter! Max, it was nice of you to invite us along." Lois said as she repented him while thanking max for inviting them.
"Your husband's got a good heart, Lois, but his views on Judaism are a little misguided. I'd consider it a mitzvah to educate him a little." Max Weinstein said as he thinks that taking peter to a mitzvah to educate him a little.
As they enter the temple and Max pass the hats to each Male member of the family until Stewie stops him from giving him the hat.
"No. I don't think so. It's not that I have ideological differences, I'm just not a hat person." Stewie said as he tells him his reasons for not wearing hats.
Now we join the family inside the temple as Peter, John and Tyler pout at people thye recognized.
"Hey, look! I didn't know the principal of Meg's school was Jewish." Peter said as he point at Meg's principle being Jewish.
"Hey, there's Bill Nye, the Science Guy and half of Lenny Kravitz." John said as he point at Bill Nye the science guy from ABC also appearing is Lenny Kravitz who being half-Jewish, is shown with only half of his body present.
"Optimus Prime? He's Jewish?" Tyler said Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots on Transformers shows up to the Quahog synagogue for the Sabbath service.
As Optimus does his Mechanisms whirring and he looks Jewish.
"Jeez, Max, I don't know about this. I went to Catholic school. I'm not sure this is allowed. Peter said as he gets a hat from Max and he questions if he wear this the Catholic Church will get him.
"Ah, what the hell?" Peter said as he put on the hat as it set up a cutaway.
Cutaway
The scene shifts to a secret headquarters run by nuns as an alarm starts beeping.
"Oh, dear. Sister Mary Joseph, it appears Peter Griffin has entered a synagogue!" Nun 1 shouted.
"Lock and load, Brides of Christ!" Nun 2 suggested as the nuns grabbed their rulers and ran to nun bus as adventurous instrumental music is playing.
When the nuns are leaving the church and boarding the bus, the Batman villain Penguin is outside.
"Excellent, excellent!" Penguin said as he smiled while he is jumping for joy going and delivers his signature laugh.
The gag is a nod to the slang term "penguins" which is often used to describe nuns due to their traditional black and white uniforms, and the fact that the Penguin used trained penguins in his crimes. Furthermore, in the old Batman series, Penguin's henchmen wore black and white costumes, the same colors as the nuns' habits.
Cutaway Ends
Now we join the family listen to the sermon.
"Hello." Woman said as she talks to Lois.
"We're not Jewish. But I hear you people have such lovely services. Oh, my God! I didn't mean "you people." I didn't mean "Oh, MY God," either. I know he's your God, too. Hahahaha!" Lois said as she Nervous laughter while talking on and on.
Until the Woman shushing her to listen to sermon.
"And on this day, the Sabbath we gather here to..." Rabbi said his sermon.
"Uh-oh!" Peter and Frank Jr shouted as they soils themselves as John and Tyler looks at them is disgust for what did again.
Now they are back at the house and Lois was putting her jacket away.
"Well, that was so nice. A good sermon and such beautiful songs." Lois said.
"Yeah, it was just like that other Jewish musical we saw." Peter said as he sets up a cutaway.
Cutaway
The scene shifts to the Providence Performing Arts Center headlined William Shatner is "Fiddler on the Roof".
"A fiddler on the roof sounds crazy, no? But here in our little village of Anatevka, you might say each one of us...Kahn! Kahn!" William shouts.
Cutaway Ends
"Well, there's my cab. It was nice meeting all of you." Max Weinstein said as he leave towards the door.
"Thanks for everything, buddy." Peter said as thanks him until Chris and Tyler came in.
"Wait. I thought you were gonna help Chris with his homework." Tyler said as he asked him if he is helping Chris with his homework.
"I'm sorry, sons. I have to go. But, I'm sure you'll do just fine." Max Weinstein said as he tells them that they will be fine.
"I don't know, Max, these kid's not exactly an honor roll students. Watch." Peter said as he hits Chris and Tyler.
"Hey!" Chris and Tyler said together from the hit.
"He did it." Peter said as he points to lamp and it was him who hit them.
Both Tyler and Chris assaults lamp, they are losing to it.
"See?" Peter said as he point at them for being idiots.
"Peter, you and your grandson took me in, fed me dinner, your family came to Temple with me. You're a nice family. I have faith that Chris will grow up to be a real mensch." Max Weinstein said as he pitch peter's cheek as he leaves outside.
"Dad!" Chris said as he and Tyler were asking for help on defeating the lamp.
As Frank Jr wave's goodbye to Max threw the window while Max leaves in a taxis, Peter gets an idea.
"Lois, I just figured out how to make sure Chris and Tyler becomes a big success." Peter said as he begins to tell Lois his idea to help Chris and Tyler.
Tell me this doesn't have anything to do with Tony Robbins. Lois said as she hopes it doesn't Tony Robbins.
"No, I learned my lesson." Peter said as he sets up a cutaway.
Cutaway
The scene shifts to a bookstore signing.
"Could you sign this book, please?" Peter asked.
"Tony Robbins hungry!" Tony Robbins growled as he swallowed Peter whole.
Cutaway Ends
"No, Lois, I'm gonna make Chris Jewish!" Peter said as he comes to the conclusion that Chris would get better grades and be more successful if he converted to Judaism.
"What are you talking about?" Lois asked him on what he is talking about, then Brain came in to explain what Peter's is saying.
"He thinks if Chris is Jewish, he'll become smart." Brian said as he finishes explain which Lois didn't agree on the plan.
"Peter, you can't convert someone because you think it'll help their grades. Now I don't want to hear another word about this." Lois said as she leave the room unknowns to her that peter is paling something.
"She won't have to hear another word, because luckily we've mastered American Sign Language." Peter said it in signing Language.
"Ha-ha-ha-ha!" Chris and Tyler laugh in signing Language.
"You guy better not leave me out of this adventure!" Frank Jr said it in signing Language.
Now we join Peter, Tyler, Chris and Frank Jr leave the house at night.
"Where are we going?" Chris asked his father on where they are going.
"Tyler, it's too late for me, both your sister's are girl, Frank Jr is already a genius but for you, the sky's the limit. We're gonna take you down to that synagogue and turn you Jewish!" Peter said as he explain his plan to Chris.
"Okay!" Tyler said until Peter started to get the willies and Frank Jr look around.
"Guys, duck!" Peter said as he, Tyler, Frank Jr and Chris jump behind a lard bush to hide from the Catholic Church.
As a bus full of Nuns chattering raucously while passing by, then Peter and Frank Jr signs in relief for dodging that one.
Now we join the Group as they are back at Temple Beth Thupporting Actor seeking a rabbi help for both Chris and Tyler to be Jewish.
"Sigh, Mr. Griffin, I still don't understand. Why exactly does your sons want to join the Jewish faith?" Rabbi said as he sighing
"Heck, I don't know. They're bi-curious." Peter said his answer.
"I appreciate your interest, but Judaism takes a serious commitment. Elliott here has spent years preparing for his bar mitzvah this Saturday." Rabbi said as he explains that it takes time to be Jewish and his student Elliott here has spent years preparing for his bar mitzvah which is on Saturday.
"A bar mitzvah! Perfect. How much for one of those?" Frank Jr asked the rabbi for a bar mitzvah for his uncles.
"You can't just buy a bar mitzvah. It requires a lot of study." Rabbi said as he explain that bar mitzvahs can't be brought but must be earn by studying.
"Can't we skip that part? I mean, c'mon, if Chris knew how to study, he wouldn't need to become Jewish, right? Right? Right?" Peter said as he heckles the rabbi until his vanishes.
Now we join the group driving on the highway as they were looking for a way to get Tyler and Chris an bar mitzvah.
"Don't worry, Mr. Griffin. We don't need a bar mitzvah." Tyler said as he tries to cheer him up.
"I'm okay just the way I...aaaaahaaaaa!" Chris said until he is screaming, as head is caught in car window.
"We got no time to lose. There's gotta be someplace in America where you can take a solemn spiritual ceremony that begins a lifetime commitment and blow through it in about 20 minutes." Peter said as he question as to how to get a bar mitzvah quick and fast.
As the scene cut to Las Vegas, as Peppy instrumental music in the background with the gang passing a wedding while-u-wait build, a poker build with roulette - black jack - Faro - poker, a 99c communion all-u-can eat! Build and finally a Mitzvah synagogue with a roulette that rolls a triple bar on the gang.
"All right, Dad!" Chris said as he think Peter won one game.
Meanwhile at the Mallque/Griffin house we join Lois, John, Frank, Meg, Persephone, stewie and Brian in kitchen.
"So guys, how does Tyler look in his new glasses?" john asked Meg, Persephone and Stewie and Brian about Tyler new look with his glass.
As he show them a picture of Tyler with his new glass.
"How shall I put this? In an attic somewhere there's a portrait of him getting prettier." Stewie said something witty about Tyler.
"Wow, someone needs a nap." John said as he pick up stewie and pass him to Lois.
"After lunch it's straight to bed, Stewie." Lois said as she tells her son that he is going to bed.
"This isn't the first time my wit has gone unappreciated." Stewie said as he sets up a cutaway about his wit.
Cutaway
The scene shifts to Star Search, where Stewie stands next to Sinbad.
"And in the comedy competition, Stewie Griffin receives three and a half stars. Challenger Sinbad receives four stars! We have a new champion, Sinbad! Stewie, any parting words?" Ed McMahon announced.
"Um, you know, I got beat, pure and simple. You-you are a very funny man! 'Men be acting all like zombies at the mall.' God, isn't that the truth?" Stewie chuckled.
Cutaway Ends
"Where's your father, your son, Tyler and Chris? It's not like them to be late for lunch." Lois said as she question on where they are.
I think they left a note. Frank said as his point out the note on the frigid. As it said…,
[Dear Lois. Chris and I...(Erased) Went to the library to read lots of books ...(Erased) have gone clothes shopping with you ...(Erased) are invisible, but right here anyway... have gone fishing -peter]
"Hahahahaha!" Brian chuckles at note as he know something.
"Brian, what do you know about this?" Lois questions him on what he knows.
"Nothing." Brian said as he lied to her face.
"She know when you're lying to her, Brian." Frank warns Brian about lying to Lois and what she does to people to when they lied to her.
"No, I swear." Brian said
"Frank, Meg and Persephone take Stewie upstairs." Lois said as Meg and Persephone are leaving the kitchen with Stewie as Frank walk to Brian to whispers something to his ear.
"You sir are boned!" Frank said as he leave the kitchen.
"What-What are you doing?" Brian asking her on what she doing as John takes a seat to watch the show.
Oh, you don't know that, either? Lois said as he pulls out a dog whistle which made Brian scared.
"Last chance, Brian." John said as Brian pauses and then he hears
"Yelp, yelp, yelp, ahah, they're in Vegas getting a quickie bar mitzvah!" Brian said yelps in pain from the dog whistle
"What?" Lois said as she, Frank and John leave the house.
Now we join them at quagmire house knocking on his door which he has answer.
"Well, hel-Lois! Forgive me for pointing." Quagmire said as john shrugged.
"Quick, I need to borrow your car! I've got a bar mitzvah to stop!" Lois asking Quagmire for his key so she and John can stop Peter from make Chris and Tyler into Jewish for the wrong reasons.
"No problem. Let me grab my keys." Quagmire said as he lengthy crotch-level grabbing keys while it looks like he is jerking off.
"Here they are." Quagmire said as he passes his key to her.
Lois, Frank and John enter quagmire's car then she has the Engine starting with Dramatic instrumental music playing the back ground as they leave toward lost Vegas.
Now back to the Mitzvah synagogue which now features the amazing rabbi Copperfield. While Peter, Frank Jr, Chris and Tyler wait for their turn as Mysterious Yiddish music playing and the Crowd cheering for rabbi Copperfield introduction.
"Chris, Tyler in a few minutes, you'll both become smart, successful Jewish men. I could make a foreskin joke right now, but this is a solemn occasion." Peter said as he want to make a joke but not right now.
"And, besides, there'll be plenty of time for that on the ride back. He got so many of them, too! I know, I know, shh, shh. But later!" Frank Jr said as he excited too.
Now we join Lois, Frank and John driving toward to Los Vegas as Dramatic instrumental music playing and then the car slows down while Dramatic music slowing since the car is out of gas. Then they ran toward Los Vegas which has 3 miles left.
Now we join them at Los Vegas, they arrive at Mitzvah synagogue just in time to stop the ceremony.
"×'רכו ×?ת ×"' ×"×z×'ורך (Cherish God the cherished)." Chris and Tyler speaks Hebrew
"Chris, Tyler!" Lois, Frank and John yelling as they Banging and barges right in.
As Peter, Chris and Frank Jr turn around to see them coming in.
"Stop this travesty right now!" Lois said as she and John rushed toward the stage.
"Bar mitzvahs are travesties, huh?" Woman said as she feel insulted.
"No, my son getting bar mitzvahed is a travesty." Lois said as she tries to explain to people of this Mitzvah synagogue.
"These guys doing it for all the wrong reasons." John explains to them that both Chris and Tyler are doing this Mitzvah for the wrong reasons.
But the crowd, angry that both Lois and John apparently insulting their religion
"Well, look-a-here, Herschel. We got us one of them self-hating Jews." Mordecai said to his friend Herschel.
"Nothing I hate worse than a Jew who doesn't appreciate her own rich heritage. Come on, Mordecai. Let's get her!" Herschel said as they take a dim view of her not appreciating Jewish culture.
As the Angry crowd yelling while hazes the Griffins until John and Tyler grab their stars while People gasping and the duo used them as stick to keep the crowd back.
Then they lock the crowd inside the temple while the crowd Banging from their door as the griffins escape onto a bus.
"I'm sorry, Lois. I just wanted our son to be Jewish so he'd be smarter. Then maybe his wife wouldn't be sorry she didn't marry the chimp next door." Peter said as he feels sorry for doing this cause he was just trying to make both Chris and Tyler smart. And also since he heard Lois taking about that monkey.
"Oh, Peter, just because Steven makes more money than you doesn't mean he's any smarter. And I think Chris will do just fine." Lois said as she tries to make Peter feel better.
"How do you know that?" Frank Jr asked them.
"Because she have faith in him, the way she have faith in you." John said his response.
"Besides, a person's religion is no guarantee of success." Lois said as she explain to them that a people religion has no guarantee of success.
"I see what you're saying." Peter said as he gets it.
"The Jewish are just like us. No better, no worse." Frank Jr said as he understands the lesson.
"Yeah, and as they say... ×'רכו ×?ת ×"' ×"×z×'ורך!" Chris said the lesson in Speaking Hebrew.
"What?" Lois, John and Frank said in question on what just Chris said.
"I think what he's trying to say is everything's gonna be okay." Peter said
As Dramatic instrumental music playing in the background, Now we pull back to reveal bus full of nuns as they jump peter for betraying their religion.
"Aaaaaaaaaawaaw!" Peter said as he screaming in pain until Frank step in.
"Okay guys, I'll take the fifty on the right, you guys take the fifty on the left, okay hands in!" Frank said as he explain how they are going to kick the nun's asses.
As they put their hands in a circle.
"Ready break". Frank Jr said as they jump them.
As the scene fades to black while we hear nun screaming in pain from the ass-whopping.
Chapter ended
I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts and with that, season 3 has now come to an end at last. Hope you'll all still be around for when Family Guy MC: Season 4 arrives. I would also like to thank you all for your support on the series and for helping me get this far. Thank you all so much. And I hope the series get to continue by this point. So, anyways, thanks for reading and I'll see you all again in season 4! Take care!
