I am very glad to see you are enjoying this! I hope this chapter is just as humorous. I have some great stuff coming in the next chapters ;)
Chandler awoke with a pressing thought. He flung himself off his bed and raced over to Monica's. He briefly noticed that Joey was getting ready for an audition of some kind.
"It's my mom!" Chandler announced. He passed through Rachel as she was opening the door, and she sneezed violently.
"God," she muttered. "I think my brain just tried to come loose." She shook her head and carried on. Chandler desperately wished she could hear his sarcastic comeback. He had one, but what was the point of saying it when your victim was deaf to you?
"Your mom?" Monica asked, bringing him back to the moment. She was sitting with Nana, who was napping and drooling. Mr. Heckles wasn't there yet.
"Yea. I mean, she wasn't even at my funeral!" Chandler huffed. He had looked. Neither of his parents were at the funeral. It was really depressing.
"So, what is left unfinished with her?" Monica prodded.
"Uh, only everything," Chandler scoffed. "I need to go speak with her."
"You can't, remember?"
"Watch me," he said, turning on his heel. He was gone two seconds before sticking his head back through the closed door. "Hello? Going to talk to my estranged mother over here!"
"You want me to go with you?" Monica asked, incredulous. "What, do you need me to hold your hand or something?"
"I don't want to be alone when I run into ghost bullies," Chandler said, his voice childish.
"Ghost bullies?!"
"If there are bullies in real life, there are bullies in death too," Chandler reasoned. Monica sighed long and hard.
"Fine, but after this, we're going to stop by Dr. Burke's office," she said.
"What? Why?"
"I think something could have happened with him, so maybe that's my UB," she shrugged. Chandler was confused.
"UB?"
"Unfinished Business," Monica explained. "I got tired of saying it all the time. The short form sounds kinda cool right?"
"Sure," Chandler snorted. "Now come on! We're burning daylight!" He disappeared again. Monica sighed again before following.
...
Rachel craned her neck to see Joey. He was auditioning for a part, and at first, he didn't want to do it. He didn't want to do anything, but Rachel convinced him that life carries on and he needed to work, so here they were. She clasped her hands together tightly. She was nervous for him, but he seemed to be doing a great job. After he was finished, he came over to Rachel.
"You looked great," she reassured him.
"Thanks," he replied. "I feel so nervous! I don't think I got the part."
"Well, I think you did," Rachel told him, squeezing his shoulder. "You just watch."
...
Chandler stared at his mom, who was primping herself in the mirror.
"She's completely oblivious," he said after a minute. "Does she even know I'm dead?"
"I have no idea," Monica replied. She did find it odd that his own mother was acting completely normal. She liked to think that if she was in Nora's position, she would still be upset a week after they died. Hell, she'd never get over it. She wanted Chandler to hurry up. She wanted to see Dr. Burke.
"Hey, um, Mom," Chandler said, poking her. Nora gave a tinkled sneeze. Monica rolled her eyes. Nobody sneezed that daintily. Ever. Chandler looked lost.
"Mom? Um, I'm dead. You never really paid me much attention anyway, but, uh, well, you know...I'm freaking dead!" he shouted. Nora didn't even flinch. "Don't you care?! I'm dead! Dead, dead, dead!"
"I don't think she cares," Monica pointed out.
"Oh, thanks, Captain Obvious," Chandler snarled. He stamped his foot. How the hell was he going to get his mother to notice him? He watched as his mother looked at herself in the mirror and then completely break down into heaving sobs.
"Whoa," Monica said, stepping back. What had just happened?
"Oh, Chandler," Nora sobbed. She clutched herself. "Oh my God, my baby! I'm so so sorry! I was a lousy mother! I love you! I can't believe you're gone! I want a do-over!" She sobbed even harder.
"Did she...did she actually hear me?" Chandler asked, surprised. He felt bad seeing her cry like this. He couldn't remember ever seeing her cry before. Fake tears, yes, but not real ones like these.
"It...it's okay, Mom," Chandler reassured her. "I love you too. You weren't totally a bad mom." He patted her shoulder, making her sneeze again. This time, it wasn't so dainty. Snot went everywhere.
"You have GOT to stop doing that," Monica said, repulsed.
"I forget," Chandler responded. Thank goodness human snot didn't stick to ghosts. He stepped around it on the floor anyway.
"So, if things are settled, then why are you still here?" Monica asked. Chandler looked at her.
"I guess she wasn't my UB," Chandler said sadly. He looked at his mom. Her eyes were puffy and red. He had been so sure...
"My turn," Monica grinned. He cringed inwardly. He so did not want to see what Monica was going to do to Dr. Burke.
...
Rachel looked over at Joey, who was staring at his muffin. They were at Central Perk, and Rachel had just started her shift. Joey didn't have anything else to do that day, so he hung out with her. Gunther didn't seem to care.
"It's okay to eat, Joe," Rachel said, rubbing his shoulder as she passed.
"I know. It just doesn't bring me as much joy anymore," Joey lamented. That and Chandler always had a muffin joke. Joey missed his friend's jokes. Badly.
Rachel didn't know what else to say. She was struggling just as much without Monica. She had no one to really talk to about this whole Ross and Julie business. Phoebe was okay, but Phoebe could be spacey at times, and Rachel needed someone grounded. Rachel clutched the coffee pot in her hand. Why oh why did Monica have to die? She missed her more than she ever thought she could miss a person.
...
Dr. Richard Burke was examining his patient, and Monica was examining him. Chandler was bored. He twirled on the stool, trying not to gag at the goo goo eyes Monica was giving Richard.
"I think we would have been great together," Monica said dreamily.
"Are you going to actually do something or just stare at him all day?" Chandler asked, annoyed.
"We watched your mother pull hairs off her ass," Monica snapped. "I think we can watch Richard do an eye exam."
"Fine," Chandler grumbled. He was still convulsing inside after seeing how his mother preened herself. He hadn't watched, but apparently, Monica had.
"What could it be?" Monica murmured. She was very certain this was it. Would they have married and had children? Would they have stayed in New York? Perhaps they would have roamed the earth on a yacht.
"A yacht?" Chandler asked, breaking into her thoughts.
"What?"
"I can't see you on a yacht. Ever."
"How did you...?"
"You were talking out loud," Chandler gestured.
"I was?"
"Yea."
"Oh," Monica said, blushing. She'd have to keep that in check. After a few minutes, she decided to leave. She wanted to think about Richard a little more.
...
Phoebe trudged up the stairs and headed for Monica's apartment. It would always be Monica's apartment. She couldn't think of it as anyone else's. It was too hard. The door was ajar, so she halted in her tracks. Who was in there? She peeked around and saw Ross making out hard core with Julie.
"Oh, ew!" she yelped. Ross and Julie jumped apart.
"Phoebs!" Ross hollered at her, embarrassed. Phoebe took this as an invite to come in.
"Ya, hi," she said. "What are you doing here?"
"What are you doing here?" Ross countered.
"You go first," Phoebe gestured.
"I came to go through Monica's stuff. As her brother, I am entitled to that."
"Well, as her best friend, so am I," Phoebe huffed.
"Sibling trumps friend," Ross pointed out.
"Why don't you go through it together?" Julie suggested.
"Thanks, Julie. Great idea, Julie," Phoebe snapped.
"I'm just trying to help..." Julie faltered, looking hurt. Phoebe ignored her and headed for Monica's room. The aura in this room was so mixed it was giving her a headache. She felt a presence of some kind too. She was fairly certain it was her friend, Monica.
...
"They're going through my stuff?!" Monica shrieked. Chandler held her back to keep her from throwing herself onto Ross, not that it would have mattered anyway.
"Hey, hey, chill out!" Chandler told her.
"I will not 'chill out!'" Monica hollered. "They're going through my stuff!" Phoebe turned to face her then, and Monica was very certain that Phoebe had heard her.
"You know," Phoebe said to Ross. "Maybe we shouldn't do this."
"Why not? It's not like she's here to yell at me," Ross pointed out.
"Oh, that's what you think," Phoebe muttered.
"Huh?"
"Nothing," Phoebe shook her head. She eased herself out of Monica's bedroom and into the living room, far enough away to not be heard by Ross or Julie.
"Mon?" she whispered.
"Right here!" Monica shouted. Phoebe flinched.
"To the hall," Phoebe instructed, leading the way. Chandler went to watch.
"Phoebe, can you hear me?" Monica asked once they were in the hallway.
"Yea, I totally can," Phoebe replied, squinting. "I can't see you, though."
"Not important," Monica dismissed. "I am so glad you can hear me."
"Me too! Oh! How's death?" Phoebe asked.
"It's fantastic," Chandler said sarcastically. "Even as a ghost all the women are ignoring me."
"Oh! Chandler's here too!" Phoebe cried, getting excited. "Aw, I want to hug you guys."
"Why is Ross going through my stuff?" Monica demanded, getting right to the point.
"I dunno. Closure I guess?"
"Closure my ass. He's looking for something," Monica huffed.
"Like what? What are you hiding?" Chandler asked, intrigued.
"I have the trophy he wants," Monica confessed. "I've been hiding it for almost 12 years."
"Trophy?"
"The Geller Cup. We would play football, and this trophy was given to the winner, and, well, we fought over it so badly that our Dad threw it in the lake. I went and fished it out. I think Ross suspects that I did."
"Maybe that's your UB," Chandler snickered.
"UB?" Phoebe asked, confused.
"Unfinished Business," Monica explained. "We have to figure out what we still have to do before we can pass on."
"Oh! Oh, I could help!" Phoebe exclaimed.
"Really?" Monica asked.
"Well, not right now," Phoebe replied. "I need time to think."
"Take your time. I think we only stay here forever if we don't think of something," Chandler commented.
"But that's okay! You can stay with us," Phoebe smiled.
"Phoebs, it kinda sucks when nobody else can see or hear us," Monica sighed. "And I'd like to...move on as they say."
"Phoebs?" Rachel asked, coming into view with Joey. "Who are you talking to?"
"Don't say us!" Monica shouted. Phoebe blinked.
"Um, you know...myself," Phoebe finished.
"Out here?" Joey asked, concerned.
"Yea. What's it to you?"
"All right. Don't get cranky," Joey said, holding up his hands. He turned to Rachel. "I'll see you later."
"Bye, Joey," Rachel waved. "What are you doing here, Phoebs?"
"Ross is in there going through Monica's stuff. I was supervising until...until I needed this little one on one with myself out here," Phoebe trailed off. Rachel gave her a quizzical look. She would never understand Phoebe. Ever.
"Ross is in there?" she asked instead.
"Yea. With Julie."
"Damn it," Rachel groaned. She didn't want to see either of them. "All right, well, I guess I can just go back to work."
"You gotta face him sometime," Phoebe urged.
"Not today, Phoebe," Rachel said. "Not today." She left without another word.
"She's really hurting over this isn't she?" Monica asked. "Is it wrong for me to feel a little pissed that she's more upset about Ross and Julie than she is about me dying? Was I really that bad of a person?"
"She is devastated about you," Phoebe corrected. "We all are. She can't handle the whole Ross thing on top of it because she can't talk to you about it anymore."
"Ooohh," Monica simpered.
"So, why didn't you want them to know I can hear you?" Phoebe asked.
"It's weird. I mean, we're living in our rooms still, and I don't want Rachel to freak out. Or Joey. Let's just keep this between us for now," Monica begged.
"But I feel bad! I mean, I can talk to you! I can talk to everyone for you. Wouldn't that be nice?"
"They'd probably think you've lost it, Phoebe, and they'd think you're making it up," Chandler pointed out. "Don't wind up in a nut house because of us."
"If you told me something about them that only you would know, that would prove you're really here," Phoebe argued.
"Can we revisit this later? I want to see what Ross is doing," Monica said, going back inside.
"How's she doing?" Phoebe asked Chandler.
"Oh you know, the usual ghost stuff," Chandler replied. "Did you know that Nana and Mr. Heckles are still here?"
"Really?! Wow. I have never heard them," Phoebe said. "I wonder why?"
"Only your closest friends can hear you," Nana said, making Chandler shriek like a girl. He would never get used to her just popping up in front of him.
"What happened?!" Phoebe asked, worried.
"Nana scared me," Chandler admitted.
"She's here right now?"
"Yea."
"Does she know...?"
"Only your closest friends can hear you," Chandler repeated. "That's what she said."
"Makes perfect sense," Phoebe nodded. If Chandler wasn't dead and having this conversation with her, he would be totally making fun of her right now. Monica came hurrying back out. She was distressed.
"What?" Chandler asked.
"They're doing it on my bed," she whimpered.
"Ewww!" Phoebe cried.
"I think Ross is my UB. He clearly isn't that upset that I'm gone if he's already having sex," Monica complained.
"It's grief sex," Chandler told her as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
"What the hell is grief sex?"
"There's sex for everything," Chandler reasoned. "Break up, make up, hotel, angry, happy, and grief. There's more of course."
"I need to get out of here," Monica said. Chandler realized that Nana was inside.
"Man, she really does get a kick out of the living doesn't she?" he said to himself. He shook his head and went into Joey's apartment. He had some thinking to do. Phoebe sensed that they were both gone, and she didn't want to confront Ross, so she went down to the Perk. Maybe someone would request a song.
