Chapter 19: "Self" Discovery

"I was one of them?" Draco demanded, disgusted. "I helped enslave the wizarding world?"

Draco had only slept for a few hours when he came, ready to knock down my bedroom door, demanding the full explanation. That meant that I had to start at the very beginning. For clarity's sake I cut out as many people as possible, and for time's sake I tried to condense our school years as much as possible.

It hurt to see Draco looking so disgusted with himself. "Yes, you joined them," I said grudgingly. "But even then I could see how much you hated it. I don't know why you joined in the first place, but you chose not to join them again, and I feel like that's what really counts."

Draco was silent. Staring him in the eyes, I said, "For what it's worth, I don't hold any of it against you."

"How? How can you not after all the things we did to Muggleborns?" he asked.

"There are some people I can't forgive yet," I said. "But I saw how it hurt you to be even a small part of those events. You made a mistake, but you didn't make it twice. You've changed for the better."

Sighing, he nodded grudgingly. "I guess that does count for something. Go ahead and continue the story."

And so I did. I gave a brief overview of Voldemort's demise and the major events that came after.

"I don't know a lot about your life after we both finished Hogwarts aside from what was in the papers," I said apologetically. "You were quietly involved in some charity work, but your father was grooming you to work at the Ministry, but I don't think the idea appealed to you."

"Why wouldn't I want to work at the Ministry?" Draco asked, his brow furrowing. For some reason that small gesture made my heart stutter for a moment. I was ready to pass it off as nothing, but my heart nearly stopped when he looked deeply into my eyes and asked genuinely, "Why wouldn't I want to work around you?"

I had always scoffed a bit at the girls who insisted the object of their affections made their hearts race and their palms sweat. It seemed like a cliche that couldn't possibly be reality; even before he mucked everything up with Rita, I had never felt such excitement around Ronald, and I was sure that what I felt for him had been love. There was no way I would be in so much pain still if I hadn't loved him. But what Malfoy was doing to me felt like intense anxiety, but I liked it.

Draco without his memories reminded me of a child in many ways, and I suppose he was a child of sorts, untouched by his life experiences. I still saw flashes of the Draco Malfoy I had known, and this Draco had no cause to guard his emotions.

Clearing my throat as well as my mind, I said," There are a lot more workers at the Ministry than just me. But I think that you just wanted an option. Your whole life has kind of been dictated by expectations of others. You got good marks because that's what Malfoys do. You joined the Death Eaters because so had all your friends and family. I may be completely wrong about all of this, but I think you're going to find something you'll want to devote your life to, and you'll be fantastic at it. Possible the best."

I couldn't tell you where any of that had come from, but I had total confidence in it as I spoke. But if I thought my heart had been acting up before, the look that Draco gave me sent it into full-blown spasms.

"Anyway," I continued, feeling my cheeks warm, "it was about a year ago that we heard of the first incident that we're completely sure was connected to the Death Eater resurgence. A woman named Theodora Goyle reported that her husband went missing. We still don't know if Goyle rejoined the Death Eaters, ,or it they've… dealt with him."

"You mentioned that name before. He was my friend, wasn't he?" Draco asked.

"During our time at Hogwarts, yes," I confirmed. "After his disappearance, we kept finding more and more people previously associated with Death Eaters come up missing, or… dead."

When I saw Draco's emotionless expression, I rushed on. "The Department of Magical Law Enforcement noticed a trend and Har- Auror Potter thought you would be the next victim. That Department was short-staffed at the time, so they enlisted me to take you into hiding until things were safer."

"Auror Potter? Harry Potter? You mean the bloke that I tormented for years? Why would Harry bloody Potter care enough to try and save me? A bloody pair of saints, you two are," Draco said, clearly befuddled.

"Harry also sees how you've changed. Unfortunately the day before I could take you into hiding, you went missing." I took a deep breath and said my last bit all at once. "So I faked your death and tracked you down."

"So that's how you- you faked my death?" Draco demanded.

I smiled weakly. "Your funeral is in two days."

Draco stared at me, completely silent for what felt like eternity. I was trying to formulate an apology for faking his death when he crossed his arms and stated, "We're going."

"What? No we're not, you're dead and I'm in America." I said.

"Polyjuice Potion," he said simply.

"It takes a lot longer than two days to brew it, Draco," I told him.

He raised an eyebrow. "You expect me to believe that the girl who traced me to Idaho doesn't have an emergency stash of Polyjuice Potion?"

He had me there. "I guess you don't need your memory to be an infuriating person. It must be a natural gift."

"So is that a yes?" he asked with a winning smile.

"I'll think about it," I said sternly. "Now if you don't have any other questions, we need to-"

"Hold up, you tell me my life was a lonely mess ruled by other people, and that I'm 'dead' and that's it?" he demanded.

"I told you the whole story-"

"No no no," he interrupted. "You told me my story. What did you do after Hogwarts? How did you end up at the Ministry? And most importantly, is there a man in your life?"

At his eyebrow wiggle, I choked. "What do you think you're doing?"

"The Muggles call it flirting. I may be wrong, but I believe we have it in the wizarding world as well," Draco said with a smarmy grin.

I tried to continue ignoring my irregular heartbeat, but I had to swallow a few times before I could even speak again. "Listen, this isn't happening. I don't know how hard you hit your head, but if you had your memories, you would not be doing this."

"How do you know?" Draco challenged. "You said we hadn't really spoken after the war."

Rubbing my temples, I knew Draco would just keep being impossible like this. "Alright, I don't know for sure. But no flirting until your memory is back, I said sternly.

"I suppose I can live with that," Draco said with a pout. "But you didn't answer my questions."

"Fine, but we really need to get to work as soon as possible," I warned him. "I'm afraid my life is a bit dull. After Hogwarts I spent the summer doing some… independent research. I didn't sleep or see the sun for days on end. I finished that just in time to leave for university."

"Which one?" Draco interrupted.

"I actually went to two, a magical university called Gormagon, and a Muggle university called Oxford."

"And you graduated from both? If you went to one right after the other, you must be fairly new to working at the Ministry…"

"I went to them at the same time," I said quickly, unsure of how to say it so that I didn't come off as pretentious.

"What did you study?" Draco asked.

This made me even more uncomfortable. "Everything? Well, everything aside from Divination and Philosophy. I don't see a point in either subject."

"How do you study everything? What did you graduate with?" he pressed.

"At Gormagon I took every introductory class so I was at least exposed to a little of the subject, but I got certified for a lot of things, such as a Healer, a librarian, and I specialized in history and ancient spells. At Oxford I got a general studies degree, but I learned quite a few languages, and I got minors in business and communications," I said, wondering if I had forgotten anything. "Oh, and I dabbled a bit in neuroscience."

Draco squinted at me. "You claimed your life was dull."

"Most people consider those things dull," I pointed out.

"No, dull is those Muggles who collect trash on a certain point in the week, or sit at a desk all day," Draco argued. "The sheer amount of knowledge you must have… it's stunning, really."

I couldn't stop myself from blushing a bit. "You're mad. After graduating university, the Ministry offered me a job as a sort of consultant. I don't have one department, I work at any department that needs assistance. When all of the Departments are running smoothly, I get to work in whatever department I wish, on whichever project I wish." I hesitated a moment before adding, "And no, there's no man in my life."

Draco's smile was blinding.


A/N: Sorry it's shorter than I've been making them! It's not the most exciting chapter, but it had to happen eventually. I'm still planning on updating as much as possible, but my two jobs are ruining my plans.

Quick shoutout to luxaeterna22 for their reviews, they honestly were the only reason I'm updating this soon. Reviews remind me that people are still reading and actually want to hear this story. To all my American readers, Happy Early Foruth of July!