Chapter 20: Mind Space
"Are you sure that's where you should put your wand?" Draco asked, staring cross-eyed at my wand, which was positioned at the center of his forehead. "I mean, that could be why whatever you're trying to do isn't working."
"Maybe it's not working because you keep talking," I said, poking his forehead with my wand.
"That can't be it," Draco said confidently, but he did fall silent after that.
"This is going to feel similar to Legillimency, but I promise I won't be able to see any of your thoughts or memories. If it feels like too much of an intrusion, just say so and I'll stop," I said.
Gently resting the tip of my wand on Draco's porcelain forehead, I took a deep breath. I had been trying to get an impression of the state of Draco's mind, but for one reason or another it felt like a heavy, barbed wall surrounded his mind. I would be going in blind now, which I had never done before, but I didn't really have a choice.
Clearing my mind, I closed my eyes and intoned the spell of my own creation. While it was true that I wouldn't be able to see Draco's memories or thoughts, I was able to see what his mind consisted of.
People's minds took on different formats depending on the personality and such of the person. For instance, I'm told that my mind is a library, with all of my memories and thoughts neatly sorted and filed into the correct place. Harry's mind is a quidditch field, where you have to maneuver the right way to catch the right train of thought.
Draco's mind surprised me. A serene meadow unfolded before me, beautiful in its simplicity. It was a place yearning for laughter and sunshine, but the land bore marks of years of brutal, violent weather destroying almost everything that stood in its wake.
Despite the almost rustic setting, there was a clear order in Draco's mind. It was easier than usual to orient myself in his mind, and I intuitively knew what and where everything was.
For some reason Draco's memories were quite a distance away from everything else, like he was holding the past at arm's length. So I walked towards the towering beech trees that stood in the distance.
I hesitated a moment as I got a clearer view of the trees. Even from such a distance I could see that the delicate white tree trunks were scarred violently, the dark brown marring the white bark to the point of disfigurement. And it was in that moment that I began to comprehend the immense pain that came from being Draco Malfoy, the pain that he currently had some respite from.
But I needed to see if I could at least find the cause. I could talk Draco through his options later.
Continuing on, the trees only looked more horrific as I neared them. What I hadn't been able to see, however, was a writhing briar bush, a plant with numerous vines covered in wickedly sharp thorns pulled tightly around where Draco's memories lived.
Wand at the ready, I observed the tendrils of thorns closely. They were unlike anything I had ever seen. Debating with myself, I murmured, "Incendio," sending a massive fireball hurtling towards the vines.
The fire barely grazed them, but the vines reared back with unexpected speed before they came crashing into me. I grunted in pain as the thorns carved deep valleys into my arm. Somehow I had enough presence of mind to stun the plant long enough to break off a small specimen of the plant and flee without any further damage.
In a safer place within Draco's mind, I paused long enough to wrap my arm tightly enough to staunch the bleeding and apply a numbing charm to my arm. After that I spent a while longer in Draco's mind space, long enough to ascertain everything I could from the small vine cutting.
When I was absolutely certain I had all the information I could get, I released my hold on the spell keeping me there. It was always disorienting to return to normal, rather like I was being dumped back into my body.
I collapsed a little into myself, clutching my head. The numbing charm had worked perfectly for my arm, and examining the curious vines had given me a sort of academic high. But now the pain was back in full force, having been relocated to my head rather than my arm.
"Hermione?" I barely heard Draco ask. "Hermione, are you alright? What should I do?"
I groaned. Somehow the pain was getting worse. I could feel each of the marks that had been carved into my flesh, but if felt like it had been carved into my brain itself. Now the marks were burning.
"Tell me what hurts, Hermione," Draco insisted, and even while I was in immense pain I could register the panic that laced his voice.
Invasion. That's what I felt from the fire that raged in my mind. It tore through my head, razing my memory like colonists claiming a land for their own. The pain heightened until I couldn't hear Draco. I wasn't aware of where I was or what was happening around me.
Just when I was sure it would never end, the flames abated the tiniest bit, then just a bit more until I was left feeling simply mentally exhausted. My mind was battered, but in tact. But I wasn't ready to open my eyes quite yet. Instead I focused on breathing as my other senses filtered through.
My head was resting somewhere soft, and hands cradled the sides of it. I could barely catch a low voice whispering my name again and again like a plea.
When I did open my eyes, I saw the white ceiling above me. I blinked a few times before gingerly sitting up.
"Hermione!" Draco cried, throwing his arms around me. "What happened? Do you remember anything?"
"My memory is perfectly in tact," I assured Draco, blushing a bit when my mind registered the feel of his muscular arms around me. I pulled back a bit. "I'm fine now, I just feel a bit battered."
"What happened?" he repeated, staring at me with an intensity that was almost embarrassing.
I explained about his mind space, and the vines that defended his memory for some reason. "My Gryffindor side came out and I acted a bit rashly," I said, a little embarrassed.
"You tried to burn the bloody vines?!" Draco demanded.
"It was clear that the vines were the reason you can't access your memory. I simply hadn't anticipated how… violently they would defend it. I've never seen anything like it before," I said.
"But you said it scratched your arm," Draco said. "Why did you react like that?"
I thought for a moment. "Well, it wasn't my body that was attacked, as I wasn't physically there, I suppose. By that line of thinking it was really a bit of my mind that got injured."
"Well, no more. My memory isn't worth this," Draco said completely seriously.
"Excuse you, we're not giving up after a minor set back," I said, equally seriously.
"You were unconscious from a bloody scratch!" he exploded. "If you're paying the price then I don't want the memories. I… I can't…"
"Are you afraid of what you'll remember?" I asked gently.
"What? Merlin, no! From what you've told me about our childhood I used to be a complete toenail," Draco said with a degree of self-disgust. "I can't see you hurt again."
Draco's honest admission stunned me. When I had started thinking of him as "Draco" rather than "Malfoy"? That aside, when had Draco begun genuinely caring about me?
But that wasn't what was important at the moment. I crossed my arms. "I will keep my promise to you to get your memories back."
"No, you won't," Draco growled.
"I made a mistake, I admit that," I said plainly. "But I swear this won't happen again. I've done this so many times for people who were obliviated that I foolishly rushed into your mind."
Draco glared at me. "No."
"You can't really stop me, but I appreciate the sentiment. I swear I won't do anything reckless while I search for how to fix this." At Draco's utterly unimpressed look I sighed. "To make it up to you we'll go to your funeral."
Draco's whole face lit up, but he quickly schooled his features into a look of disinterest. "Do you promise I'll never hear you screaming in pain like that again?"
"I screamed? I'm sorry, that must have been… unsettling," I said.
"It was awful," Draco said emphatically. "And the whose time I felt like I had heard it before, and it felt like my worst memory and nightmare come to haunt me at the same time."
Discreetly pulling the sleeve of my shirt farther down in an effort to cover at least some of my scars. I felt a twinge of guilt. "I can't make a promise about you never hearing that again, but I can promise that what happened today will never happen again. If it makes you feel better, I'm already a lot closer to finding a solution to your memory loss."
He stared at me. "You're lying. You must be."
"Excuse me?"
"How could you be closer to a solution when you spent most of this afternoon writhing on the floor?"
"I studied everything while I was still in your mind space. I think that you did this to yourself with a potion of your own design. I also don't think that blocking your memory was necessarily intentional. Notice I said 'blocking' your memory rather than 'erasing.' Your memory is still there."
"What?!" he shrieked. "I did this to myself?"
"It's the most interesting thing. It makes you completely immune to legillimency as well as the Imperius curse. My guess is that the potion was simply too strong and it began protecting your memories-even from yourself," I told him.
"I can see why I would want that," Draco said reluctantly. "But what I'm hearing is that I'm an idiot."
"Ah yes, you came up with a revolutionary potion, but slightly messed up the dosage," I said, completely deadpan. "You're a complete dunce, Draco Malfoy."
He sighed. "I'll just have to console myself with the fact that at least I wasn't incapacitated by shrubbery."
I raised an eyebrow. "Well, you must be okay with moving research forward if you're willing to tease me about it. But I would watch my back if I were you. My house has extensive gardens. You never know when my shrubbery might act up."
"You wouldn't."
With a smile, I rose to my feet. "I need to collect some ingredients to start working out a remedy."
"Hermione…" Draco said slowly, his voice laced with worry.
I smiled widely. "Remind me to show you around my gardens sometime. They're especially lovely this time of year."
A/N: Hello, lovely readers. I really need to get out of the habit of typing this past midnight. Apologies for any typos. This is a celebratory chapter for me because I just hit over one hundred pages in the word document I have this originally typed in. I honestly didn't think this story would continue for so long, but it just keeps growing. I'm really happy with how the story is going, so I've been taking care to find more time to write, even with both of my jobs.
Thank you to everyone who followed and/or favorited this story, you have no idea how encouraging that is to me. As always reviews are especially helpful to me. As I've said from the beginning, this story is an experiment for me to improve my writing. Let me know what you liked, what could use some improvement, predictions for the future plot, etc., or even just if anyone is still reading. When I get responses of any kind, it truly makes me want to continue writing:)
