When they exited the elevator at their level, Joker hesitated in front of the door.
"You know, only once or twice in my life I dared to dream about my own wedding day, but I'd always hoped that medicine would have healed me of my fragile bones by now and I'd be able to carry my bride over the threshold."
"I could carry you without a problem," Jo shrugged. "But they told me to be a girly girl today." Joker laughed at that and tugged her against himself by her neck:
"We're certainly not a traditional couple and there's little traditional about this wedding."
They entered the room together, hand in hand, and stopped, gawking around. Someone had done a real number on the room since Jo had left it a few hours earlier. The harsh blue and purple environmental lights were severely dimmed. Instead a few candles burned in strategic places. More unlit candles and a lighter waited to be used. Gentle vanilla scent permeated everything. Soft music played in the background. On the coffee table by the couch stood an ice bucket with a bottle of champagne and two glasses next to it. On the same table was spread an array of foods: honey-dipped dry figs, dark and white chocolate, cherries, strawberries with whipped cream, pieces of avocado and watermelon. Flowers were everywhere: small and big vases stood on every surface, displaying simple and complicated arrangements in all colours. The floor was strewn with red rose petals and more red rose blossoms lay on the bed in the shape of two intersecting rings and two letters in the middle: one smaller J and one bigger, kind of hugging the smaller one.
"Wow," Jo exhaled. "Someone's been researching human aphrodisiacs."
"This is certainly... different," Joker nodded. The two of them were not exactly a very romantic couple. Their sex life more often than not leaned towards dirty blowjobs and hard fucks on every surface that wouldn't break. Romantic seduction with foods and champagne seemed entirely too decadent.
But tonight was different on many levels and as they looked at each other, both a little uncertain and rather nervous, there was no reason not to put their friends' efforts to good use.
Joker held out his arm for Jo to lean on and led her the three steps down to the lounge. He directed her to sit on the couch and went about lighting the rest of the candles. In just a minute or two the room was lit with about two dozen of them.
Jo watched Joker move around and couldn't help but think back to their history from the day they'd met. Over five years ago Joker had been a different person. A porcupine to the tips of his hair, he'd been boyish, somewhat immature but very insightful, defensive and yet sweet all at the same time. Now there was a darker side to him that Jo knew she'd put there, there was that haunted look in his eyes that told stories about things he'd seen. He'd also grown a few kilograms heavier over the years, which transferred him from his boyish charm to the aura of a real man. Stronger jaw, sharper cheekbones, heavier muscle - all spoke of maturity. Of course, the most obvious change was that he no longer needed crutches to move around and as of today there was the glint of permanent jewellery on his hand.
It had been the boy Jo fell in love with, let inside her heart and under her skin, shared her most intimate thoughts with and allowed to change her from a machine into a real human being. But it was the man she was looking at now that inspired the quickening of her heart and the burning, consuming need that made her panties wet. Her hands became sweaty and her toes curled with desire, but there was something to be said for the anticipation created by the romantically decorated room.
He came back to the couch and opened the champagne, mindful not to drop any of the melted ice on Jo's dress. He filled the glasses and held one over to Jo before sitting down on the couch next to her.
"It's funny, you know," he said, thoughtfully inspecting the food. "What the salarian Councillor said. Marriage begins long before the wedding. You and I, well, it's always been serious between us, from the very beginning. Why does it feel so different now?"
"It does, doesn't it?" Jo played with the ring on her finger. "Everything is different now, maybe that's why. The world has changed, we have, and so have our circumstances, expectations and plans for the future."
"Let's drink to that one thing that shouldn't change, no matter what: to us."
They clinked their glasses and sipped the sinfully expensive champagne, then Joker put his and Jo's glasses on the table and shifted closer to her. He picked up the bowl with strawberries, dipped one into the whipped cream and held it to Jo's lips. Her eyes seemed almost amber in the soft candlelight when she leaned in and took the berry from his fingers using her teeth. No pornographic display about it, even though he knew she could put on a serious porn show if she wanted to. No, she wasn't playing any roles right now, she was pure, bare, honest Jo, the one hardly anyone except him ever got to see.
"Were you serious about me becoming an instructor at the ICA?" He asked, feeding her another strawberry. She chewed it with a look of bliss on her face, then returned the favour. A little cream ended up on her fingers and he caught them with his lips, sucking them clean.
"Yeah, I'm serious. There is a lot of stuff to work out about how this program is going to work. I've been thinking on and off about it ever since we spoke to Hackett. I think I'll revise the entire system, the whole basis of the training. There are things about the way I've been trained that I don't think are necessary, and yet other things that I will introduce, which I deem crucial. One of those things will definitely be a revised Flight Instruction plan. I mean, we had that before and I've been trained to fly many different kinds of air- and spacecraft, but that was mostly an afterthought, an insurance that I could hijack vehicles and use anything I get for escape, if needed. What I'm thinking about now is the difference between you and ordinary pilots. It's like the difference between an N7 and a common foot soldier."
"Really?" He fed her another strawberry and received one in return. "Flattery will get you everywhere."
"If only it was flattery. This is a serious matter. Do you have any idea how much it irked me that you may be a god in your pilot's chair, but you'd never be invited to the old ICA because of your bones? That rule about every recruit having to go through brutal survival and combat training before specialising cost us so many amazingly talented people! People that N7s like me desperately need on our missions. I say: let's make up a new system. There can still be the kind of training I and Vega went through, and those who succeed in that can be called Ns. Just N5 or N7, like an old classic. Parallel to that there could be specialised programs for those who don't want or can't go through the physical hardship of the classic training, for example. Those can be called, I don't know, N5 level pilot. Or N4 level biotic. Or N7 level diplomat."
"You're serious about restructuring the whole thing," Joker put the strawberries aside and fed her a piece of watermelon on a pick. "You're going to train peacemakers and diplomats?"
"That will be my first priority, yes. Intergalactic Cooperation Academy, Joker. I'm serious about that."
"You make me so hot when you go all inspirational on me," he smiled, picking up their glasses again and feeding Jo a piece of chocolate after a sip. "The only question is: how do I fit into this teaching plan? I'm a misanthropic asshole and dealing with people isn't my forte."
"You don't have to deal with them," Jo's smile turned evil. "They aren't children, they're the toughest and most determined motherfuckers this galaxy has to offer. You have to drill them, kick their asses, put them through hell, boss them around, break their spirits and stomp on what's left. That's the N way and only the ones who can deal with the physical and psychological torture are worthy of an N rank. But don't sell yourself short. I've seen you train Hadley and Cortez. You're much better at patient teaching than you think you are. And EDI! You basically taught her everything she knew."
"Well, as long as the student is good enough I guess I can handle it," Joker shrugged.
"Your students will be good enough by definition."
"Jo," he suddenly leaned in closer, their foreheads touching and their breaths mingling. "That forcefulness in your voice when you talk like that, when you talk of torture and mayhem, it makes me so hot, my whole body sings. I need you. Now. Please..."
His hand was already on her neck, fingers playing with the hair he'd messed up earlier. Jo's mind turned from the Academy to her husband and all the creative energy she felt transformed into sexual energy in an instant. She whimpered as their lips met for an urgent kiss, tongues twisting around each other, her hands running over his unexpectedly smooth face down to the buttons of his shirt and suit. His hands were just as eager to explore, tug at her hair, massage her throat.
Suddenly Joker got up and pulled Jo up as well. Breathless and needy, they looked at each other for a stunned moment, both aware that at this point it could easily become a fast, hard, dirty fuck that so often caught them unawares. Thus, when Joker took a calming breath and slowly led her towards the bed covered in roses, Jo knew that he wanted this time to be different. To play out this romantic scene to the end.
Oh, she was totally on board with that!
As they stood before the bed, he slid his hands around her waist, looking for the zip of the dress. He found it on the back and stepped behind Jo to slowly open it. He brushed her hair over her shoulder to see what he was doing, to see all the skin he was uncovering. The soft lips that followed his hands rivalled the soft caress of the material, sending sparks and shivers all over Jo's body. He brushed the wings off her shoulders and let the dress fall in a pool of shimmering fabric at their feet. She wore panties but no bra underneath and when she turned to face him again, Joker took in the sight of her medium-sized, perfectly shaped breasts tipped with dusky pink nipples that seemed to wink a playful hello at him. He groaned with the need to touch and taste them, but Jo started unbuttoning his coat and shirt before he could.
She slowly helped him out of his clothes and ran eager fingers down his chest. The wings tattooed over his collar bones were prominent on his white skin, as was the nebula over his heart. Once upon a time there had been an N7 badge embedded into that tattoo, but it had been removed because it reminded Jo of her death. The nebula alone, however, was an infinite source of fascination.
"Lie down on top of the roses," Joker told her and Jo obeyed. It was very odd to see him without the stubble, and the sensation of his smooth face nuzzling her skin was unexpected. It was nice, but Jo didn't know if she preferred it over the scratch of his usual facial hair. When she laid down, the soft coolness of the roses became an almost harsh contrast to her heated body. She squirmed at the sensation, but quickly forgot everything else when she noticed the look her husband was giving her.
"Red panties," he exhaled. "Why are you wearing red underwear? You know it's like a drug to a junkie, impossible to resist." He rubbed the hard shaft of his erection that was already peaking from under his boxer shorts. "Just looking at you, spread for me in the middle of all these red roses... Fuck, I must have been a very good boy in this life."
"You have," Jo gave him her best sultry look. "Come and claim your prize."
He didn't let her wait long. First he sat down on the edge of the bed by her feet, took one of her ankles and started slowly kissing his way up from her toes to her knee and then up the inside of her thigh, until he ended up at her tiny red panties. With an evil, seductive look in his eyes he hooked his fingers under them and tugged, until she was free of them.
"I'm keeping these," he informed her. The idea for some reason sent a shiver of desire through Jo.
Joker moved up her body, touching, kissing, licking and biting her everywhere, he would have left a lot of marks on her if she didn't have a hardened skin weave. As it was, he sensitised her whole body until she could no longer stand this sensual assault. She needed release and she was not above begging for it. True connoisseur of porn, master of eye-fucks and the guy who loved nothing more than to tenderise her meat, he turned out to be incredibly knowledgeable when it came to sensual seduction - and he wouldn't even let her touch him in return.
When she was close to tears of frustration from the desperate need he ignited inside her, he took pity on her.
"You know I could send you over the edge with just my thumb on your sweet spot, right?" He asked her seriously and waited until she nodded. "So you know to appreciate it that I'm using all my skills tonight. They are only for you."
With that he gently spread her knees apart and settled down between them, his mouth mere inches away from her sex. Jo bit her lips hard, trying her best not to howl when his tongue met her hot, wet and pulsing flesh. She was wax in his hands, helpless and completely at his mercy, surrendering in ways she'd never surrendered to any other man in her life. She was so close already that her back arched and her hands fisted the sheets and rose petals. Her toes curled and she felt like her blood was boiling when Joker's talented mouth and hands worked her over.
A heavy wave of heat, originating from the contact of his mouth on her body and spreading down to her toes and up to her scalp, finally tossed her into a hard, dizzying orgasm. It lasted so long that her scream died in her throat for lack of air and she saw stars and dark spots at the same time.
When she came back to, her body had no intention of obeying her. She lay panting and shuddering in aftershocks for a long time before she found herself able to turn her head and look at him. It took even longer until she could form a word.
"Fuck," was her verdict. "You'll kill me one day. Where did you learn to do that?"
"Years worth of asari porn, where else?" Joker looked smug, but what else was new? He lay next to her, still wearing his boxers, still hard.
"Just gimme a sec, I'll be right with ya," Jo breathed out with a helpless laughter, her body still too sexed out to obey.
"Yeah, no hurry. You're not going anywhere," he sounded even more smug, if it was even possible.
When she finally could, she reached for her scrunchie on the nightstand and got her hair out of her way. Pretty hair was sexy, but not when it was in the way of a blowjob.
Joker never knew what would happen when his woman zeroed in on the bulge in his boxers. Sometimes she would go at him like a hoover, sucking his eyeballs through his slit and bringing him to an orgasm within embarrassing three minutes. Sometimes she would take time and use her whole body for a blowjob in ways he didn't think was even possible, and hold off his release for what felt like hours until he was sure his eyes would never un-cross again. It was always a surprise and he looked forward to each blowjob anew.
When she slowly tugged off his underwear and started off with running her fingernails all over his front, he knew he was in for a long, desperate, sometimes frustrating, plea-filled night.
A long while later, when he was hoarse from groaning and pleading for more, when his body had been tortured to an almost-orgasm twice but never been allowed the sweet release, when he was covered in sweat and aching all over, he knew that his wife had him literally and figuratively by the balls and always would - and he was man enough to admit it. She did things to him he hadn't even seen in porn. She could have asked anything of him right now, talked him into doing anything, only to get her to continue. At some point he didn't even know if he wanted release. It would mean that the sweet torture would stop, and he definitely didn't want that. He also wasn't sure that one single orgasm would still the need and ache wracking his body.
When she finally allowed him to come, he shot like a geyser, his whole body arching off the bed. He screamed and spasmed and buckled until not a drop of energy was left in his body. He couldn't say how long he lay quietly afterwards, a heap of useless, wrung out, sweaty and boneless goo.
"Fuck," he breathed out eventually. "Where did you learn to do that?" He mirrored her words from earlier. It was meant as a brainless joke, he was too spent to come up with anything decent and he didn't expect an answer other than maybe a short chuckle.
But Jo said nothing from wherever she was on the big bed, and that propelled him out of his dazed bliss quicker than anything else would. Joker snapped open his eyes and found Jo sitting near his hip, naked, hair in tangles, sweaty, her lips red and puffy - a picture of a well-fucked face. Just the way he liked her. She wasn't looking at him.
"Jo?" He drawled with a slowly spreading grin. He always knew that she answered his questions truthfully if he asked something directly and if it wasn't too classified. Then again, she just told him that he had full access to her ICA personnel file, so nothing was classified from him any longer. The fact that she didn't laugh at his innocently dropped question clearly meant that there was indeed an actual answer. "Jo, where did you learn to blow a guy like that? It's so great it should be illegal."
She rolled her eyes with a helpless grin and finally looked at him. She wasn't embarrassed or anything, but she did look a little annoyed by the fact that it had taken him years of mind-numbing blowjobs to finally ask that question.
"Where did I learn everything else I know?" She gave him a duh-look.
"Either on the streets or at the ICA," he answered quickly and when she raised an eyebrow in reply his jaw literally hit his chest as he shot up into a sitting position. "Holy shit! Was there an actual course at the ICA on how to give blowjobs?!" He almost yelled, his voice high-pitched with shock and... new arousal.
"It is one of the easiest, quickest, most painless and least dangerous ways to manipulate a man, get his trust, render him stupid and careless, distract him and get him to agree to basically anything," she shrugged innocently. "Of course there was a course on that."
"Spill your guts," he demanded. His whole body was vibrating with excitement at learning that story. "Right now, or you know that I'll just burst from curiosity. And that would be the end of your married life. You don't want that."
Jo shook her head and laughed at his excitement.
"In N3, when they taught me how to be a spy in civilian circumstances, I learned lots of things that have nothing to do with military and everything to do with effective manipulation. Dancing was one of them, polite conversation was another, riding a horse and yes, a course on the most effective way of manipulation. It was strictly voluntary, not everyone in N3 was forced to do it. But you know all about my early brush with sex and the reason I joined the Alliance on my eighteenth birthday. I wasn't scared of anything at that point in my life except anything that had to do with sex. It was a weakness, I knew it, and I got rid of it."
"That's cold," Joker whistled at her determined words.
"That was me at twenty four. A perfect instrument for any mission."
"Come on, don't tease me, tell me more about the course!"
"It was just what it sounds like. I spent three full days in a room with a man, who taught me everything there is to know about dicks and how to operate them. And yes, I've spent a good chunk of that time with his dick down my throat." When she saw that the excited curiosity in his face demanded more, she conceded: "The instructor, he wasn't any kind of N, you know, not even a part of the military. He was just a guy who had a lot of practical knowledge. He was gay, Joker, that's how he was so knowledgeable. He and his husband were both instructors at the ICA in the same discipline."
"Damn, that's a job I'd love to have!"
"It wasn't all that for him. Did I mention he was gay? Not bisexual, either, but really, truly gay. He didn't find me attractive in any kind of way and getting it up for me wasn't a given for him. In fact, graduation from that course was only granted if I managed to get him hard and bring him to an orgasm. The ultimate challenge, so to speak. But he was really nice about it. We laughed a lot, he told funny stories and made a potentially extremely uncomfortable situation very relaxed, friendly and pleasant. I actually think that a gay man was the only kind that I would have let teach me. He was not a threat to me personally because he didn't want me that way, so we skipped the macho play and concentrated on what we had in common. Men. He taught me all kinds of tricks, among them how to inspire an erection, now to read a man's responses while blowing him and gouging his likes and dislikes, how to not gag, how to deep-throat, to swallow, use pain with pleasure if needed, stuff like that. When the graduation test was over, my other instructors said that I was one of the quickest learners in that course. Apparently, determination to eliminate all my weaknesses made me more enthusiastic than many other women."
Joker sat in front of her in fascinated silence, jaw still slack, a stupid grin tugging at the corners of his mouth, and stared at her without blinking.
"This is..." he finally reached out to put his hands on both sides of her head with possessive tenderness. "Even if I said it's the most fascinating thing I've learned about you, it would still be an understatement. This is incredible. You're incredible. For doing it in the first place, and then for using the skill on me. But... How many people have you used it on since then?"
"Nobody but you," Jo smiled with all the love she felt for him.
"But you said you slept with a target on a mission to graduate from N3."
"Yes, but there was no oral sex involved, just the regular kind, and there was no course on that in the ICT."
"So I'm the only one? How come?"
"My love, they taught me many, many different ways to manipulate people. And this one, no matter how effective and easy, is still the least dignified way for the agent who has to use it. I mean, come on. Performing sexual acts on demand and for pay is demeaning, no matter what the cause is. I learned it, became good at it, and then moved on to bigger and better things, to learn all the other, more decorous ways of manipulation. I never actually used it as a manipulation tool. And then I met you and for the first time in my life I actually wanted to show off my skills. Not because I wanted to manipulate you, but because I wanted to make you feel good. There's a world of difference."
"God, I love you even more now," he tugged her closer and peppered her face with little kisses. She smiled:
"That's why I trust you so much. You never judge me when you learn that kind of stuff. You actually like that about me."
"I don't know a man who wouldn't like that if he got the most incredible blowjobs ever for the rest of his life out of it," he laughed.
"And I don't know many men who would appreciate their wives having been trained like prostitutes."
"Why wouldn't I appreciate it? I benefit from it!"
"And I love you even more for that."
"Fuck, I didn't think it would be possible so soon after that epic orgasm, but I'm hard as a steel pipe all over again," Joker bounced on the bed from bubbling happiness. "You're so much fun!"
"So are you!"
"If you were a prostitute, I could never afford you."
"You could now," she shrugged.
"Huh?"
"That billion credits, Joker. Half of it belongs to you by law now."
"Oh," he sighed with a little more seriousness. "There's that."
"See!" She triumphantly pointed at his slightly worried face. "That's how I felt when Liara told me about it. It's a heavy load, isn't it?"
"Yeah," Joker agreed and flopped down onto his pillow, staring at the ceiling. "Geez, there are things about this marriage deal that I haven't thought about."
Jo lay down next to him.
"Do you regret it?"
"No," he sounded determined as he turned to his side to face her. "I could never regret anything that gets me close to you. Joined Cerberus to be with you, didn't I? I think I can handle half a billion credits."
Jo shifted to face him until their fronts were touching from toes to chests. Joker's hand settled on the curve of her hip, then slid a little lower and tugged at her thigh until she draped it over his hip, her knee at his waist. First his fingers and then the tip of his engorged shaft found her exposed entrance. Slowly, gently, he pushed inside and rocked back a little. The bubbling excitement from a few minutes ago turned into tenderness so deep and powerful that it literally hurt in his chest.
"You're my everything," he breathed against her lips. His fingers tangled in her long hair and their bodies moved back and forth just a little bit, not in a mad rush towards a climax, but in a dance of closeness and intimacy, a prayer of gratitude and wonder, a sacred experience. It was not about sex at all, but about their connection, about celebrating their relationship. It could have lasted for hours or forever or until the first signs of dawn - it didn't matter. The only thing that did matter that night was that they were one now.
