Chapter 24: They Know
The time for me to go back to work came all too soon. But it also came with an entire host of responsibilities and problems to further plague me.
My foremost problem was that of the rivalry between Crookshanks and Draco. Draco and I had decided to use my flat in the evenings so it looked like my life was continuing like normal, but at night we would apparate to my house, where Draco spent the day while I was at work.
We left Crookshanks at the flat the whole time, but the ginger cat was already upset about being left with Ginny for so long. Once he was deprived of his sleeping spot (curled at my feet), his mood was worse than foul, and he took it out on Draco. This meant that for the first week of this arrangement, whenever Draco was within two meters of my cat, he transformed into a hissing ball of fluff. I found myself frequently healing Draco's "battle wounds."
Luckily catnip works just as well on cats that are part kneazle, if not better. I concocted some cat treats for Draco to feed Crookshanks, and they had progressed to the point that Draco could sit on one end of the couch with Crookshanks on the other with no bloodshed. I wondered if Draco would ever be able to pet Crooks, but then I hurriedly reminded myself that Draco was only here temporarily.
Draco himself was my next biggest concern. In true Malfoy style, he had adjusted my home to his preferences, and he simply left the changes to make him more comfortable, or in the case of his ghastly redecorating, I merely changed things back to their former state (and color). However, the moment he changed the order of my books, I "descended on him with the wrath of Morgana herself," according to him.
He still acted ludicrous, and insisted on trailing behind me like a devoted puppy whenever I was home. However, as more and more memories returned, Draco lost his lightness and happiness, bit by bit. It was like each memory weighed him down a bit more.
Talking through his memories with me seemed to help at least a little bit, so each night we did just that. I could tell that there were things he refused to tell me about, determined to bear it alone.
Sometimes what he remembered seemed to be triggered by something he saw or experienced, but often what he remembered was totally random, his mind spitting out various things with no rhyme or reason.
I contemplated briefly what I would do if Draco once again became the person I had known at Hogwarts, but I brushed the thought away. In this situation I had learned to simply take things as they came. Regardless, I had a feeling that the Draco I had known was gone, with or without his memories.
Today when I got to my flat, I dropped my purse and called, "Work was a bit grueling. Would you mind if we ordered out today? Come to think of it, do you know what ordering out is?"
The flat was deathly silent, save for Crookshanks crunching his food. In that moment I swear my heart skipped a beat. "Draco?" This time even Crooks was silent. I swallowed. "He probably lost track of time and hasn't apparated over yet. Yeah, Draco is probably stuck in a book. There's no way Death Eaters would be able to abduct him without my knowing."
I apparated to my house, but the apparition wasn't the only reason my stomach was twisted in knots. I tried to keep my panic out of my voice as I called, "Draco? Draco!"
Briskly walking through each room, I scanned for Draco until I found myself at his bedroom door. Something told me that he was in there, and he needed me. Hesitantly I knocked.
He didn't respond, but I slowly opened the door anyway. I found Draco on the ground holding his head between his knees. Before I had even fully registered it, I was on my knees next to him, checking him for injuries. "Are you okay? What happened?" I asked frantically.
Draco slowly raised his head, and to my shock I found him crying. His silver eyes were red as tears traced paths down his cheeks. "How can you stand being in the same room as me?"
"What are you talking about?"
"She tortured you," he said violently. "She tortured you and I just stood back and let it happen."
I had forgotten that he had been in the room during that. Really, I just remembered Bellatrix's laughter as well as pain, so much pain. Unconsciously my hand traced the letters she had carved into my skin.
And Draco noticed. He hunched farther into himself, self-loathing clear on his face. "I should be rotting in Azkaban right now, or I should have let the Death Eaters kill me." Draco laughed darkly. "I guess I'll be a coward until the end."
I didn't know what to say or how to say it. The world was spinning out of control, so I clambered to my feet and held out a hand to him.
He looked at me plaintively, obviously still contemplating all of the reasons I had to hate him. Finally he put a hand in mine, allowing me to pull him to his feet. I gently tugged him into my bedroom where I pushed aside the rug to pry up one of the floorboards.
Underneath the floorboard sat a gleaming wooden box that I carefully extracted. My fingers sifted through the contents until I found a letter that was worn across the creases from being folded and unfolded time and time again.
"Not even Harry has seen this," I said quietly. "After the war I struggled a lot. Everyone held me up as a hero, and so many people were lost… I couldn't make sense of the world anymore. But people wanted me to be happy, they needed me to be happy. It felt as if the Golden Trio could relax and enjoy life again, then it was okay for everyone else to start living again.
Draco was silent, staring at me.
"I had so many anxiety attacks. The magical world still has a long way to come in terms of mental health; the wizarding world would probably call it an emotional breakdown. But I digress. I was barely hanging on by a thread most of the time. One day I spoke at a commemoration or something of the sort. I managed to scrape myself together at the beginning, but as I spoke, I started falling apart.
"I was a mess, but I saw you in the crowd, looking almost as smug and pretentious as the day I met you. That made me furious." Somehow Draco looked even more miserable, so I rushed on. "I focused on being so angry at you that I delivered the speech perfectly. Afterwards I was determined to lecture you right then and there.
"But once I got close to you I could see that your hands were shaking and your eyes were… vulnerable. You tried to smirk at me, then you shoved this letter into my hands and ran away."
Handing him the letter, I watched various emotions play across his face as he read his ow words.
"I would have helped you regardless of this because I believe every person deserves a second chance. But with this letter I didn't hesitate. People change, even Draco Malfoy. You remembered one of your worst memories, and I suffered htat day. But I forgave you for that years ago because I needed to, but I've also seen your sincerity in wanting to change. You're not the villain you paint yourself as, Draco. In some ways, you were also a victim."
Draco sniffed, looking slightly appeased, but still overly emotional. "Now I know why you stopped me from flirting with you."
In a completely uncharacteristic move, I lightly kissed his cheek. "I stopped you from flirting because I wanted both of us to know what we were getting into." Then I sashayed from the room.
Luckily Draco took a while to follow me, because I was blushing furiously. What was that? I didn't make romantic advances. I had had exactly one relationship my entire life, and it had taken many years to develop. What on earth had possessed me?
I walked briskly to the garden to give me a few moments before I had to face Draco after my incredibly brash decision. I was simultaneously relieved and disappointed when he didn't follow. Maybe he remembered how much he despised me, or how much of a know-it-all I had been. I wilted more than my poor begonias I had neglected.
My house suddenly seemed daunting, almost as daunting as it had been when Ron had broken off our engagement. I was psyching myself up to go back inside when Draco burst out of the house. He looked around wildly before launching himself at e.
"Was that a farce?" he asked urgently. "Did you actually mean all of that?"
"Do you think I would play with your emotions?" I asked, a little hurt.
"No, I believe you, but the flirting part! Are you really okay with that?" he asked.
I blushed a little but ignored it. "Well yeah, I-"
My words were cut off when Draco pulled me forward, pressing his lips to mine. It was a brief, gentle kiss, but it was more intense than anything I'd ever felt before. It was… emotional, as both of our emotions were turbulent at best, a whirlpool of positive and negative feelings both trying to suck us under. But it was perfect.
Draco pulled back all too soon. "I don't want you to think I'm pressuring you into anything or taking things too quickly. I think we were raised with similar… traditional values. I just couldn't help myself, because I'm fairly certain I've wanted to do that longer than either of us realize. I've wanted you."
Meeting his eyes, I bit my lip. "I believe you. But if you toy with my emotions I will curse you worse than you can imagine."
His lips quirked up into a smile. "I should be terrified, but I'm even more attracted to you right now."
I shoved him away. "You're mad."
"Mad for you," he said with an obligatory eyebrow wriggle.
"Merlin, maybe I'm the mad one," I groaned, but I hesitated. "You're okay if we take things slowly?"
He nodded. "We both have things to overcome. In the meantime we'll try our hands at saving the world. But you're already an expert…"
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I had to keep myself from reaching for my wand. "You're really impossible. But you're right, let's do some investigating in our free time. As for tonight, we're getting takeout. Do you have any preference for what kind of food we have?"
Draco perked up. "What's takeout?"
"In the Muggle world, certain restaurants offer to deliver food to your door for a small fee. I'm feeling a bit tired tonight and I thought it might be a fun experience for you," I said. "We can get pizza, fish and chips, Chinese…"
"What did you say first?" he asked.
"Pizza? I guess that when it is served in the wizarding world it's branded as Muggle food. So I doubt you've had it. But it's pretty universally liked. Do you want to try it?"
"Yes…" he said, although he clearly wanted to say more.
"What else do you want?"
He did his best to look pitiful. "I've never been in a Muggle restaurant before…"
"Fine, but you have to be disguised. And you can't gawk at things or ask any questions until we've left the restaurant," I said firmly.
"So yes?" he asked brightly.
"Start disguising yourself," I said. "We'll apparate to my flat and walk to the pizzeria."
It's amazing, really, how often helping Draco felt a bit like babysitting. Taking him to the pizzeria felt extraordinarily like the time I took Arthur Weasley with me to an appliance store. But I do admit it was far more endearing than Arthur Weasley in an appliance store.
Draco, transfigured to look like an "emo" teenager (something he had seen a lot of in America) was bouncing off the walls in the pizzeria. I ended up getting two pizzas, because he insisted on getting an anchovy and mushroom pizza, despite all of my protests. I made him carry the abomination to my flat, knowing that Crookshanks would eat well tonight.
Once we got to my floor, Carol popped her head out of the door. "Oh, Hermione dear. I was just coming over to chat with you. How was your work trip?"
"It was… productive," I told her. "I accomplished nearly everything I had hoped to."
"That's wonderful, dear. I must have you over for dinner sometime soon. Charles can tell you all about the new building he's working on. Oh, and I nearly forgot. Is everything alright? I poked my head out because I heard a rather loud pop and then a larger crash coming from your flat," Carol said, concerned.
My heart began beating a bit faster, but I managed a calm face for Carol."It was probably the cat. He makes such messes when I'm gone for too long. Thanks Carol."
I smiled as Carol invited me to dinner once more, but it disappeared once she went back into her flat. I readied my wand, telling Draco, "Stay behind me."
Carefully opening the door, I stepped in. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I found a bleeding figure collapsed on my kitchen floor.
I crouched next to him. "Blaise! Are you okay?"
"Granger," he said, though it sounded more like a moan. "They know."
A/N: Sorry for the long wait! I think this is the longest chapter yet, and it's a really important one. What do you all think? I'm trying to work on my romantic and suspenseful scenes, and this chapter ended up with both. Any opinions, or tips?
I apologize for any typos in this chapter. My niece got ahold of my notebook and a pencil and drew some lovely scribbles all over this chapter, so it was kind of hard to tell what I had written. The rest of the summer is a little crazy for me, so I can't promise that I'll be able to update once a week, but I'll try my best. Follows and reviews are always a huge motivator for me to write. See you next chapter!
