Hey, guys. Thank you all for your kind words, and that you liked the last update.
I hope you'll like this chapter as well. And as always, you're welcome to tell me what you think.
Enjoy,
T73
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Since the day I lured Taylor O'Keefe into my very own trap and managed that he lost his temper he want to talk to me once in a week and I do him this favor in hope he's revealing more, but it turns out that he's trying to shake me with all kind of stories about him and Maura's abduction.
Once he has raped her multiple times which caused the miscarriage, which I know is not true. Another time he was begging for forgiveness because he was the cause of our loose, in vain. I may get over the death of our baby but I won't forgive the person who caused it. Only if hell is freezing over. Then another time he was sneering at his victims, telling me that they were desperate and didn't deserve better. Then another time, he was crying and asked for his mother, who refused to visit him. I cannot understand her, every mother would be proud of her son, the serial killer.
He also has written to Maura, she doesn't know what the letter was saying, neither do I. She burned it in the fireplace the same evening without opening it. I can understand her, he doesn't deserve her quarter.
I've watched her burning it and sipped my beer. And in the same time it dawns to me how sick he is, and a feel a little pity for him until she says that he's trying to plea insane. That makes me angry because he knew exactly what he was doing. He planned every single step. That son of a bitch. Every time I think we get past him, he's forcing his way back into our lives. But this time we don't allow him to control it completely, even Maura flirts with the idea to pay him a visit himself some day, to show him that he hasn't destroyed her, that she's still the same woman she was before he entered her life, which I know is not true, but if she decides to do so, I won't be the one who's refusing her wish. But I think that it'll take a long time until she's ready to do so, and I can understand that. The first time she brought it up, we had a little argument, nothing big or dramatic. I simply told her that I don't think that visiting O'Keefe would be a good idea and she argued that I also went to Hoyt the time he was still haunting me. I couldn't come up with an good reply. I ended up with my back on the couch and Maura being on top of me, fully clothed. We had been watching a movie to distract our minds and to be close to each other until we fell asleep. See, it was completely innocent.
My mother had heard about the get-together with O'Keefe but knew better than to mention it frequently or to grill us about it. Maybe the breakfast with Claire has been doing wonders. It is unusual for Ma to not butt in if something's bothering me or Maura, and that's what's bothering us even more. I'm beyond relieved that she's giving us the time and space we need this time. I don't know how to thank her for that, and I don't know how to thank Claire for talking some sense into my mother.
But every now and then Maura and I need some time for ourselves, I mean, you can't be around each other 24/7 without driving each other crazy and you also need some time to think about what have had happened retrospectively, to look at the progresses and the setbacks. And even to let go of the anger you're feeling everytime you're thinking of all that happen because you don't want to take frustration out on the ones you loved and just got back. That's why I am on a run right now, all by myself. It's not because I am mad because of Taylor O'Keefe, or because of Maura, or because of Ma. I am not mad at all, more frustrated. It has to do with the latest case we've been working on. The 15-year old Evan Daniels had smashed in the skull of the 15-year old Skye Gregory, his girlfriend, after she broke up with him and then claimed that he has seen how the janitor of their school had followed Skye before she disappeared. It turned out that he was the one who followed the girl and tried to convince her that their meant for each other, unfortunately Skye already had another boyfriend and told that Evan straight to the face, and that she never loved Evan. That sealed her faith.
I know that this is a stupid thought, but I really wonder if some people are only born to become murders. I always thought that people take l this road of life because of their environmental influences but in the same time I know that Maura can come up with some facts which refutes my theory. That there are people who aren't able to feel anything and that it is a mental disease, and that its mostly too late when this disease is detected, mostly the person turned out to be a psychopath or sociopath and serial killer. And that those people can hide their true nature very well.
I know all those things by myself and I don't need Maura to lecture me about it, that's why I left for a run on my own.
I know it but I won't it to be true that a 15-year old boy killed his girlfriend, and I don't want to think of the things he might have done if we wouldn't bust him.
And the entire ride back home I wondered if we would have had a boy, if he'd have turned out the same way, screwed. I mean, look at what I and Maura are facing on a daily basis and what kind of legacies we're having. And our work is taking us up completely. And Evan Daniels is the perfect example that love isn't always enough. Maybe it is the best that -
I cut the thought off and realize that I'm standing in front of our house already, sweating and breathing hard. I don't even know why this thought had the chance to form in my mind but it did. I know that Maura would be a amazing mother, and I maybe would do alright, or the best I could. So, alright.
I close my eyes and roll my head in my neck before I walk up to the front door and enter our house. I see Maura sitting on the couch, reading some kind of magazine. I'm sure it's one of her favorite medical ones. She looks over her shoulder at me and smiles gently at me. "Hey."
"Are you feeling better," she asks and closes said magazine.
"A little," I answer truthfully, walk into the kitchen and get a bottle of water out of the fridge. I'd like a beer but then Maura would start one of her famous lectures about that. I'm still not in the mood for it.
She gets up from the couch and walks into my direction, opening the fridge again, getting a beer out of it, opening the bottle and handing it to me. "I know what you are craving for."
I take cautiously a swig from the bottle and quirk an eyebrow. I'm not sure she really does. And my eyebrows shoot up high the second she steps into my personal space and runs her hands underneath my soaked shirt. I think now I know what she's craving for. "I'm all sweaty, Maura."
"Just the way I like you the most," she says with a sultry voice and I swear I begin to sweat even more.
I blink a couple of times and swallow hard. How to tell the woman you love more than your own life that you're actually not in the mood for having sex with her right now. "I just started my beer!?" Yeah, that is a way ... to sound like you're more concerned about your damn drink instead of your girlfriend's needs. I swear, sometimes I want to cut my tongue out.
Maura rolls her eyes but smiles gently. She takes my hand in her own and lead us back to the couch.
I sit down and roll nervously the bottle between my hands like it's our very first time, I expect her to take the bottle from my hands and that she makes the first step. Instead, she snuggles up against me, put my left arm around her shoulders and her head on my shoulder. I relax immediately, for a second. "I'll ruin the couch."
Maura's scoffing and looks up at me without saying a word.
Right! Stupid me. If my mother would know about the things Maura and I had done on this couch she wouldn't sit down on it in a million years. She rather would burn and chop it up afterwards, and then disperse it. A laugh rumbles from my chest and I relax again.
There is a long silence. It's not uncomfortable, it's not heavy, we're only enjoying each other's presence. We don't need to talk. Then Maura says, "I missed this the most." She looks up at me and sighs. "While I was trying to hate you, I was missing moments like this, Jane. Us sitting like this and enjoying ourselves, you holding me."
God, I missed it, too. I don't say anything, I just sigh. We've been sitting like this in the past almost every night after we got home. We watched a movie, a documentary or even ESPN, but we always sat like that. Especially after Maura told me that she was pregnant. I hardly paid attention to the TV, I just wanted her to be as close as possible, forever.
And then everything changed. I almost lost her, literally, in all ways.
"I was so selfish." Her whisper brings me back and I tighten my hold around her shoulder. "I tried to focus on hating you because you didn't come for me in a blink of an eye. I thought you wouldn't come for me at all."
"That's what he told you."
"I know, but after the second day I started to think that you didn't notice my absence." She replies and I furl my brows in disapproval. "I know it is stupid and that all of you have been working on figuring out what happened and where I might have been gone. I know that now, Jane. But back then I really thought that I didn't leave enough impression so you'd miss me at least at work."
"Not enough -" I try to keep the pain out of my voice. "How could you think so?" And fail.
Maura's silent for a moment. "The last time you noticed that I was taken was while you, Angela, and Korsak were about to drink my whisky."
Guilt is washing over me, but that was different. "It was different."
"Oh?"
Well, that time I thought maniacs had been after the ones I love most, my mother for example. I didn't understand that Maura was my blind spot criminals could aim for, at that time I wasn't ready to admit to myself that I am in love with her. "Well, I thought they we're aiming for my mother because of the watch and the Bible verse."
"Which also was a police code."
"Which Korsak figures out and each of us thought they would be going for Ma, Maura. Back then I didn't know that -"
She waits patiently but I fall silent. "That what?"
I take a deep breath and shrug. "That I was in love with you already." I close my eyes and shake my head. "No, that's not true because I knew, but I wasn't ready to admit it, even to myself because I thought it would be wrong. I mean, you were my best friend. You still are. And I'm still so fucking afraid of losing you."
I wait for her to admonish me for my choice of words, instead she straddles my lap and I place my hands innocently on her thighs. "You will never lose me, even not as a friend. We've been through so much, Jane, and here we are. Still together."
My hands don't move but I smile at her. "Yes we are. And that's what friends are normally doing."
She understands the hint and kisses me gently, before that she murmurs, "Yes." After we break the kiss I sigh heavily and she's searching my face. "Jane, what is it?"
I shake my head and frown. I didn't want to bring it up. "So much happened in this house."
"Yes, it did indeed."
"Maybe we ... You know, this is your house and ... maybe we ... should look for our very own that we both can effort. And ... start over again?!"
"Start over like in New York?"
"What the - that's not what I meant. " I reply and confusion is mirrored in her eyes. "I didn't mean leaving Boston but ..."
"Beacon Hill." She says and seems to understand. "Don't you like this house?"
I take a moment and frown. "Sure I like this house. But as I said already, some bad things happened in here. You've operated your father in this living room after one of his stooge kicked in the backdoor and chained you and Tommy up.
Maura's nodding slowly. "Yes, I'm aware of that."
"And ... Lydia happened in here, and my father. And ..."
She's silencing me with a short kiss and then pulls back, looking me in the eye. "Here also happened a lot of wonderful things."
"Like what?"
Maura smiles softly. "You're mother moved in the guest house."
"That more sounds like a medium disaster."
"And that made you spent more time at my home."
Okay, that's true. But Maybe was only one reason why I started to be in this house more frequently.
Maura's thrusting her chin in the direction of the kitchen. "And in this kitchen you kissed me for the very first time even though you knew I was supposed to go on a date the next night."
I dig my fingers into her thighs and blush a little. That is also true and I remember very well that I had to summon up all my courage to do so. But I couldn't let it happen that Maura went on a date with this Barrett guy because then I wouldn't have had a chance at all. He actually was a nice guy for whom Maura probably would have fallen if I wouldn't have intervened. He had a olive complexion, curly black hair cut short, and gray eyes. He was tall, of average weight, and well-educated. Maura was very fascinated by him. I shrug shortly. "True."
She smiles and starts to kiss my neck and my eyes flutter shut. "And in this house we have had sex for the first time." She murmurs against my skin and I try not to groan.
What is happening right now? This whole thing started so innocently. She's kissing my jaw line now. "And for the second time even though you were so nervous because Angela had been in the guest house."
This time I groan, not because of pleasure but because of annoyance and Maura chuckles.
She straightens up again and runs her hands over my shoulders. "And on this couch we started to think about a family. And after I got pregnant you started to convert the second guest room into a nursery without my knowing. Not to mention all the other memories I won't miss. Good and bad." Shes pausing and frowns. "If we would move into another house, we'd have to make new memories."
I furrow my brows. "Would it be that bad?"
"And what about your mother? Where is she supposed to life if we're selling the house?"
That is a good question, and I didn't think about it. I know that it would trouble Maura if Ma isn't around her that often anymore, and Ma would be troubled as well. "Ma ... could rent the house."
Maura's looking skeptical at me and I sink further into the couch. "Jane, Angela was already bargaining about the rent of the guest house, she'd black out if it comes to the main house."
"You could charge a fair price."
She scowls at me and I smile shyly. "Do you really want to move out?"
I sigh heavily and my shoulders slump. "I don't know. I mean, you are right about the good memories. So much happened in here but maybe -" I trail off and clench my jaw. I don't even know why that idea crossed my mind. Maybe it's because it still hurts every time I pass the locker room that was supposed to be the nursery. Maybe it is the thought that O'Keefe had been in here every time Maura, Ma and I had been at work. I don't want to think about the things he has done in here. Maybe it is because Maura and I almost fell apart in this house. Maybe it's all of those things. Maura's caressing my cheeks and my eyes find hers again. She leans her head down and kisses my gently, and I sigh. It's sweet and comforting, and hints nothing but pure love.
Suddenly someone is more yelling then saying, "For the love of God."
We break apart and I turn my head only to see my mother standing at the backdoor.
"Don't you have a room upstairs," Ma snaps and Maura snorts.
I blink a couple of times but don't let go of Maura's thighs, even it is more than inappropriate with my mother standing there. "And don't you have a place where you're living?"
"I came here to make a pot of tea." She retorts and fold her arms over her chest.
Maura can't hide her smirk and climbs off my lap, much to my disapproval. She walks into the kitchen and takes the kettle from the stove.
I get up to my feet and huff in annoyance.
Ma's looking long at me. "I've never been more happy that you didn't became a boy than right now."
Maura stiffle a laugh and I look down at myself before I understand what my mother is hinting. "Ma!"
"I know, you'd be a man by now."
"That would make many things so much easier." I mutter under my breath.
"Indeed," Maura agrees as she turns around to us with a sly smile.
My eyes grow huge. "Maura!" That is not what I meant at all. What I meant is that then I wouldn't have had countless times to discuss with Ma my choice of profession and stand my ground millions of times at BPD. That's what I meant.
Ma is placing her hands on the island and looks expectantly at us. "Do wanna tell me something?"
I know what she's actually asking but I don't respond to it. I walk back into the living room to get my beer, furrowing my eyebrows "At least knock if you're coming by."
Ma rolls her eyes but doesn't press further. "I didn't think I'd caught you in the act."
I choke on my beer and my girlfriend laughs out loud. "You didn't caught us in the act."
"Uh-huh." Is her response and I turn crimson. I don't even know why.
Maura clears her throat. "We've been discussing some things."
"Is that what you kids call it today?"
I throw my head back and groan loud. At least Ma dropped the topic of children immediately. I really have to think about a way to thank Claire for her magic. I look back at my mother and sigh. "Do you wanna have a beer or wine? We can watch a movie."
Ma's looking uncertain at Maura and then at me. "If it's okay for you."
Maura's smiling broadly at her. "Of course it is, Angela."
I smile as well and nod. "Yeah, of course, Ma."
My mother can't hide her excitement and I chuckle.
