It is an oft-overlooked topic in fiction that money has to come from somewhere. Governments get their money from taxes, Gamemakers get their money from government funding, Lux Hastings gets money from his couch cushions, and poor college students get their money from sponsorship deals. It is a common saying that "money makes the world go round." This is of course false, as the earth goes round not due to paper currency, but due to the ball of liquid iron at its center that spins at its axis without any resistant force, and thus never slows down via Newton's first law of motion.
Money however does cause many men and women to do things they would otherwise never have any reason to. Teachers put up with insufferable children for hours on end because of money, hit-men kill because of money, and senseless authors who were sued for copyright infringement need money to continue telling their horrible tale of woe and misfortune.
THIS SUNDAY (sunday. . . sunday. . . sunday)
IN JUST MINUTES (minutes. . . minutes. . . minutes)
PREPARE TO BE AMAZED (amazed. . . amazed. . . amazed?)
AND BATTERED (battered. . . not really battered. . . that's a bit extreme)
AND BEATEN SENSELESS (really. . . this is a bit extreme. . . isn't it just a story?)
BY THE GRAND REVEAL OF THE SYOT OF THE SUMMER (I mean. . . it hasn't even come out yet. . . a bit early to claim that)
-REDACTED-! (it comes out in 15 minutes. . . literally like 3 people don't know the title yet. . . can't we just say the title?. . . Lauren?)
ARE YOU SICK AND TIRED OF BEING HAPPY? DOES JOY MAKE YOU SICK? ARE YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES KICKING PUPPIES SENSELESS, STEALING CANDY FROM CHILDREN, AND MANIACALLY TWIRLING THE MUSTACHE'S OF OTHERS? THEN THIS WILL BE THE STORY FOR YOU!
FEATURING TRIBUTES SUCH AS -REDACTED- AND -REDACTED- AND SET IN -REDACTED- WITH THE AMAZINGLY UNIQUE QUELL TWIST OF -REDACTED-!
AREEEEE YOUUUUU READDDDYYYYY TO RUMBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE? (no)
WHEN ASKED TO DESCRIBE YOU IN JUST A FEW WORDS, WILL OTHERS OFTEN USE WORDS SUCH AS: "MASOCHISTIC", "PSYCHOPATH", "SADISTIC", "SENSELESS", OR "YOU SICK FUCK"? (actually, yeah)
THEN TAKE YOUR TRIBUTES THAT YOU'VE CAREFULLY CRAFTED FOR THIS STORY, WITHDRAW THEM, AND SUBMIT THEM TO THE TRUE SYOT OF THE SUMMER: -REDACTED- (hey, that's. . . I'm okay with that actually)
~this has been a word from our sponsors: TheEngineeringGames. David12341 is in no way affiliated with TheEngineeringGames or it's product of angst, sadness, or senseless violence. David12341 is in no way being compensated for this senseless advertisement which has not even provided a link to the story in question. If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may to be entitled to financial compensation. Mesothelioma is a rare cancer linked to asbestos exposure. Exposure to asbestos in the Navy, shipyards, mills, heating, construction or the automotive industries may put you at risk. Please don't wait, call 1-800-99 LAW USA today for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. Mesothelioma patients call now! 1-800-99 LAW USA~
SIXTH QUARTER QUELL BY ENGINEERING GAMES: SUBMIT NOW!
With wealth and shame,
~The Narrator
