Chapter 2
*FILLER CHAPTER BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING ….*
So I have decided to add another chapter. There really isn't all that much going on in my life right now so just figured I would keep writing while I have the time. Just a quick note though, I started this story intending for it to be a one shot, just based on the emotions that Alicia was feeling after the rape. It was never really intended to be longer than one chapter (although the possibility was there) and as a result I haven't really thought through a full plot for the story yet. This chapter is really just a bit of a generic, filler chapter until I have come up with some ideas, honestly nothing really exciting happens at all so don't come after me ... please. I can't promise regular updates (hence why this story was initially only a one shot) as i'm a Veterinary Science student and that basically means come September I will once more barely have time to breathe let alone write, I will try my best but you have been warned! Thank you so much for the reviews on the last chapter, lets hope I don't entirely fuck it up from here on out but if I do you are welcome to tell me so, curse words and all!
Connie POV
Connie sat at her desk in her office, surrounded by piles of papers that contained information critical to the smooth running of her ED. She loved her job, she knew that completing this paperwork was crucial in running the ED to an acceptable standard, but everyone has days where it's difficult to remain motivated, even Ms. Connie Beauchamp. She needed a break, just five minutes to collect herself and refresh her mind. Being Connie Beauchamp, she couldn't just take any old break, she had to be doing something productive, so she decided to take this time to wander the ED and check on her staff.
It might, to an outsider and indeed many members of her staff, seem that Connie Beauchamp was cold, clinical and unforgiving. She did what she had to do to keep things afloat, and if that meant being seen as a hard and cold leader then so be it. She did, however, care about her staff in a way that any boss would care about their employees. As well as being diligent and top-class doctors, she did also want them to feel happy and comfortable in the work place.
Upon leaving her office, she headed to reception to observe. Everything seemed to be going well, the were no overtime markers on the board, noel was handling patients in the waiting area well, and her doctors seemed to be busy working through their patients at a good pace. All in all, everything seemed well, and Connie was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't that she had little faith in her employees abilities, it was simply a fact that the past few months hadn't exactly been smooth sailing for Holby ED and she was relieved to see that things were finally settling down.
As she continued to take note of her ED, absently rifling through notes to give the appearance of being busy (she was Connie Beauchamp after all, she could not be seen to be slacking, even on her break), she noticed the absence of a certain young doctor. She had been standing in the reception for approximately five minutes now, and it was typical in the ED for doctors and nurses to be in and out of reception like yo-yo's, collecting new patient notes and making their way between different tasks. This being considered, Connie found it suspicious that she had caught glimpses of all of all of her doctors except Dr. Munroe.
She made her way briskly over to the nurses station. Charlie was standing by a computer, looking over a set of notes. Upon Connies appearance, Charlie looked up and gave one of his typical half smiles.
'Connie, you've finally emerged from your office I see, any particular reason for blessing us with your presence?' Charlie acknowledged her cheerfully.
Perfect. Connie wasn't in a horrible mood, but Charlie seemed to be in a very good mood today and she found it irritating.
'Charlie, have you seen Dr. Munroe this morning? She is scheduled to be on shift but I haven't seen her'. Charlies face betrayed his changing emotions, morphing quickly from subtle amusement at conies ever present hard demeanour, to contemplation and concern.
'Actually no, I haven't seen her at all. Have you asked Ethan? They're on better terms recently, he might have some idea of where she might be'. He shrugged, making reference to the recent spat between the two doctors that had been closely followed by a number of ED staff and indicating with his head towards Ethan, who was standing on the other side of the nursing station, rifling thorough a set of patient notes.
'Dr. Hardy' Connie called, focusing intently on the young doctor and indicating with her hand for him to join them. She didn't miss the surprise and trepidation flash briefly across his face before he began making his way over.
'Ms. Beauchamp, what can I do for you?' he replied stiffly. Things were still a little awkward between them since the incident not long ago while they had been on their little excursion and he wasn't quite sure how to act around her. Connie was not oblivious to this, but brushed it off. There were more pressing matters to deal with right now, she couldn't be getting pre occupied with Dr. Hardys discomfort.
'Have you seen Alicia this morning?'. Connie decided to get straight to the point. She had wasted enough time with meaningless pleasantries. Ethan looked thoughtful before responding.
'Uh, no. No I haven't actually seen her. Is everything alright? Is she uh- is she alright?' Ethan responded, attempting to come across calm and nonchalant and failing miserably. His brow was creased and his head tilted ever so slightly to the side as he shuffled nervously in a way that was typical of Dr. Hardy.
'Considering the fact that she is scheduled to be working right now and seems to be no where in sight, I would say there is most definitely a problem.' Connie replied stiffly. She was irritated, it was clear. She expected nothing but professionalism from her doctors, and being late for a shift was not professional at all. 'If she happens to make an appearance, tell her to see me in my office. I would like a word with her'.
Ethan and Charlie watched her, noticing the irritation that was emanating from her. As swiftly as she had arrived, she left, making her way towards her office, her face set in a hard mask. On her way to her office, she stopped once more at reception to check the sign in book. Dr. Munroe had not yet clocked in, meaning she most likely had not even set foot in the building today. She realised that she could have just checked the book to begin with, but that had not occurred to her at the time. Her head was just not in the game today. Exhaling sharply and pursing her lips, she made her way towards her office. One seamless day, was it too much to ask.
Alicia POV
10am. She had been sitting on this park bench in the freezing cold for 4 hours. She was supposed to be at work one hour ago, but she just couldn't make herself move. After clearing her head enough to make out her surroundings, she had left the doc yard, deciding that she needed to keep moving in order to try and stay warm. She was already in a bad state, she knew that, and adding hypothermia to the mix would not help things at all. At least she still had a sense of self preservation through the mix of emotions whirling around in her head.
As she sat on the cold wooden bench, she considered various possibilities. Could she return to her house yet? Should she try and make it in to work today? Did she even care anymore? She honestly didn't know whether she cared anymore, she was slowly losing her will to try. She knew that Eddie was scheduled to work this morning, he was set to start work the same time as her, so the likelihood of him still being in her house was small, but she was reluctant to take the risk. She was scared, something that she was struggling to admit to herself. She was scared of a person she had once worked side by side with, someone who was so familiar and just easy to be around. Someone who she had quite happily gone to the pub with and someone she had felt comfortable enough drinking with, throwing down all of her walls. How stupid could she have been. After all, she had only really known him for a short time, and even then she didn't really know him.
The question of whether she should try and make it into work today was less complicated. She wasn't going. She couldn't go. It was odd. She had always loved medicine. Always dreamed, even as a young child, of becoming a doctor. Working in a hospital everyday. Spending every day doing something she was so passionate about. But now, she just didn't care about that. She thought she would feel shame upon deciding to deliberately miss work, but all she felt was relief. She could hide, avoid everyone she knew, the thought of not seeing anyone was one that offered some small semblance of comfort in her life at a time where all happiness and comfort had been ripped away from her. She couldn't face the judgement she was sure she would face, despite her co-workers being completely oblivious for the cause of her current distress.
Realistically, she knew that no one could know what had happened to her last night. They wouldn't be judging her, talking about her, looking at her as if she was dirty. But she felt that way. She felt as if everyone in the world should know how she is feeling, just like she did. She felt dirty, used and exposed. Surely they would see how dirty she was just by looking at her. They would all see her and they would know.
She couldn't deal with that, she couldn't take it, but her options were limited. She dreaded the idea of staying out here, in the cold, in the open, watching as strangers passed her by. She knew it was unjustified, but whenever a man happened to walk past her, she felt her heart begin to race. Her palms became slick with sweat despite how incredibly cold she felt. She wasn't entirely sure why. These men, strangers, had done nothing to her, hadn't even given her a reason to fear them, but she felt almost as terrified of them as she now was of Eddie. He had taken away her sense of security, and it infuriated her.
Instantly, her demeanour changed. As if hit by a powerful surge of electricity, her back straightened, brow creased and lips set in determination. Her fists clenched and unclenched in an attempt to release some of the fury that had suddenly overcome her. How dare he do this to her. How dare he take away the one thing that she had always prided herself on, the one thing that she had that made her, her. She had an infectious, bubbly and fiery attitude. She was a people person, always able to make friends with people wherever she went. She liked being around people, being around her co-workers, but now, because of him, she was beginning to avoid everything she loved and found joy in.
She wasn't going to let herself wallow in self-pity. She wasn't going to let HIM do this to her. She was going to work, to the place that she loved. It was decided. To hell with what her co-workers thought. In this moment in time, she was livid, fuelled by a raging and sudden burst of adrenaline and fury. She was acutely aware of that fact that this was all adrenaline, it would more than likely wear off soon, but she was finally feeling something other than despair and she would be damned if she wasn't going to run with it while it lasted.
With her sudden and quite frankly very welcome burst of courage, Alicia shook of the cold that she had allowed to overcome her while sitting on that park bench and began moving, making her way through the familiar streets leading towards the ED. She would not be beaten down, not by him.
